Our Futures are Bright (We're here to help 2)
by Shadow of Ketterdam
Summary: Sequel to "We're Here to Help" What happens after the event's of we're here to help? What awaits them in California? Will the Breakfast Club newcomers calm down and become like the good kids in this giant family, or will they wreak havoc on the city of LA? With a bunch of ex-burners who knows what will happen?
1. Chapter 1

After what felt like years, the last custody case was over, letting Dominic free of his parents.

John smiled, packing the last of his things into his new suitcase as he took one last look around the room. He could hear Allison, Kaylie, and Claire squealing over something one of them had found in their drawer that the others thought was cute. He rolled his eyes, looking down as his alarm went off. "Finally." He pulled the prescription bottle that held his seizure medication from his backpack, dumping the last pill into his palm. "So long." He popped the pill into his mouth, taking a swig from the water bottle beside his bed.

"John!" Clarissa called up the stairs in her typical motherly tone. "Give me a hand?"

He zipped his bag closed, before taking off for Claire's parent's room. "Yeah?" He chuckled at the sight of Clarissa and her twenty plus bags of luggage. "Holy shit." He smirked, taking in the frazzled looking mother. "How much shit do you have?"

She gave a mock glare. "Just help me take it to the bus." She picked up a couple of the bags, starting for the stairs. "I can't believe we're actually doing this."

John took a few suitcases from the pile, shaking his head. "Me either."

John took a seat next to Claire, placing his acoustic guitar under the seat in front of him. "Good morning, Sweets." He spoke around the bubble gum in his mouth, a new habit he'd picked up since he couldn't do drugs anymore.

She yawned, pushing her palm to his face. "How are you so perky this morning?"

He took his sunglasses off, rubbing the lenses off on his t-shirt. "Give me a break, I've never been outta Shermer." He held the shades to the light, trying to see if they were clean. "I'm excited."

Andy shook his head, laughing at the two behind him. "Are you really going to be like this all week?" He asked, turning in his seat.

John smirked, leaning toward the athlete. "If it makes you angry." That got the whole bus to laugh, twenty people all laughing so hard that John thought they would pass out.

Andy looked over at Amelia, making sure she was asleep before he spoke. "You're an asshole."

John shrugged, leaning back in his chair. "Just saying, you're sexy when you get angry." He ducked as a pencil came flying at his head. "Allison!"

She snickered, going back to her drawing with another pencil as the bus started to move.

Dominic shook his head, giving his cousin a punch on the arm. "You earned that one El Jefe." He let a sly grin slide onto his face. "Hitting on another girl's man."

John looked at him, holding his hand out. "Can you hear this?" He turned his hand palm up, showing the erect middle finger. "You want me to turn it up?"

"Boys." Clarissa warned, giving them a look that only a true mother could give. "Behave."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Claire watched as John and Dominic stared at each other, each one waiting for the other to blink. "How are you doing that?" She asked, looking away and shaking her head. She couldn't look at that unnerving Bender stare anymore, it was already creepy when John did it by himself, let alone when he had his cousin doing the exact same thing. They'd obviously gotten that from their fathers.

Andy felt himself starting to nod off, his Walkman tape starting to rewind for the hundredth time. "Are they still at that?" He yawned, refusing to watch for the same reason as Claire.

Allison nodded, pulling a pixie stick from her bag. "It's pretty cool once you get used to it."

John shushed them, never breaking eye contact with his cousin. "Don't distract us."

Janet Vernon watched the two boys in front of her, shaking her head. "How did you manage to find those two?" She asked, turning to Clarissa.

She shrugged, looking at the near identical cousins. "They just wandered up like lost puppies."

Amelia tilted her head, unsure of what was happening. "Are your eyes stuck?" She asked, noticing how neither one had blinked or moved in the last three minutes.

John tried not to laugh, pressing his lips into a thin line. "Go bug your brother." He smiled, his concentration breaking just long enough to make him blink. "Fuck!"

"John!" The parents scolded, amazed that he hadn't built up a filter yet.

"Sorry." He rubbed his eyes, lifting Amelia into his lap as Vernon turned into a truck stop off of the interstate.

"Who has to use the lavatory?" He asked, chuckling as everyone's hand went up. "Get a move on. I'll fuel up."

John let Amelia climb onto his shoulders, her hands rubbing over his slowly growing hair. "Your head feels funny."

John pulled on her feet. "Your feet smell funny." He countered, as they left the bus.

Clarissa rolled her eyes, unable to believe that John had ever been from the home he was. "How he ended up the way he is, I have no idea." She looked to Mary Johnson, pointing to the pair. "She just loves him."

Mary nodded, a small smile creeping onto her face. "She thinks that he's a knight from a fairy tale." She looked the other mom in the eyes. "We can't thank him enough for what he did."

Clarissa smiled, watching as John jumped over every crack in the pavement. "I'm not sure how we would even start." Her smile faded as she remembered how sick he'd been a few months ago, how they were constantly worried that every night would be his last. She remembered the night that he'd been ready to give up, tears pricking at her eyes. "He's an amazing child."

Jan took her hand, looking between the four other moms. "Can you believe, that we are the co-mothers of fourteen kids? Only two of them under the age of fourteen?"

The other women laughed at that, Kathrine Reynolds sighing as she finally thought about what they'd gotten into. "Oh goodness, what have we done?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

John zipped his fly up, waiting for Brian to finish washing his hands before doing the same. He smirked as he saw Cody enter one of the stalls, knowing that he got stage fright. He waited for the sound of a zipper, before he started to torment his buddy. "Hey Cody, you taking a shit?"

"Fuck you man." Cody's voice growled, and John knew he was succeeding in his evil plan.

"I mean if you gotta shit, you gotta shit." He ducked as a wad of toilet paper flew over the divider, more surprised than afraid. "Just let me know if you're gonna drop a load so that I can get my gasmask out."

"Fuck off!"

John licked his lips, trying to keep his chapped lips from cracking with the wide grin. "I mean-" John jumped back as Cody's foot shot out from under the divider and clipped his ankle, not knowing what it was until after the fact. "Don't piss on my shoes!"

Cody chuckled happy that he'd gotten a good move in. "I didn't, but if you don't get your ass outta here that's what'll happen next."

John raised his hands, drying them off with a paper towel. "Just hurry up." He opened the door, chuckling as he saw Amelia waiting outside the door. "You little stalker." He picked her up, resting her on his hip like he'd seen Mary do. "What're you waiting for?"

She looked up at him, and without missing a beat answered in her best John Bender fashion. "For you to get your ass out here."

Mary looked up from the chip bag she was looking at, glaring at the teen holding her daughter. "You taught her that." She scolded, trying to hide her joy at the look on John's face.

John turned his face to the little girl in his arms. "What did I tell you about saying what I say?"

She smiled, showing off her missing front tooth. "That only big people can say it."

John nodded, setting her on the ground. "I am big." He showed her how much taller he was by holding a hand over her head at the same height as him. "You, are not big yet."

"Aunt Alli says those words and she's not as big as you."

John bit his lip, looking up to see Claire, Allison, and Kaylie smirking at him. "Help?" He asked, not knowing what to do.

Claire shook her head, looking to the other two. "I kinda wanna see where this goes."

John ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to think of a way to say what he wanted to. "People who are as tall as Aunt Alli then you can say those words."

"Fuck you John." Allison snapped, wishing that she had on the wedges that Claire had loaned her.

"Watch it shorty." John smirked, covering Amelia's ears. "We've got little ears here."

Allison glared at him. "You say that all the time."

"And look where it got us."

Kaylie rolled her eyes, tossing a chocolate bar at the little girl. "John said he'll buy that for you." She flashed a signature burner smirk, turning to the counter. Her eyes landed on the cigarettes behind the cashier. She swallowed, feeling John's hand on her back as she handed the cashier the cash for her coke. She turned to look at him, knowing that he'd sensed what she was feeling. "Thank you."

He nodded, picking Amelia up as she opened her chocolate bar. "Burner code." He stated, his message clear. 'We protect our own' it was an unspoken promise that was known across the country in every burner community, wherever you went. They had to look out for each other, because if they didn't no one else would.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

John slouched in his seat, Claire's head resting on his shoulder. He watched as they crossed state line between Illinois and Missouri, he was officially the farthest from home he'd ever been in his life. He looked around the bus, seeing that almost everyone was sleeping, except for Allison. "Hey, Alli," He tapped her shoulder, nodding toward Vernon's oldest Landon, "Wanna see how many pencils we can keep on Landon's head before he wakes up?"

She bit her lip, obviously considering it. "I want to, but the moms would kill us."

John jumped as he heard Amelia scream, bolting from her dream. "Mommy!" She sobbed, as her mother picked her up. "John was hurt." She sobbed into her mother's blouse, the image of John's convulsing body still fresh in her young mind.

John stood, walking the two seats up to where Mary and Amelia were sitting, and sliding into the seat beside them. "Hey, I'm okay." He rested a hand on Amelia's back, smiling as she looked up at him. "See? I'm not hurt."

She crawled into his arms, clutching his t-shirt like she was afraid he would disappear. She wiggled around until she found a comfortable spot on his lap. "You… you were-"

He held her closer, shushing her as he did so. "I know, Princess." He pressed his lips to the crown of her head, his heart aching with every cry from the child.

Claire watched from her seat, thinking about what she and John's children would look like after they got married. She knew that John would make a great father one day. She let a small smile grace her features as she listened to John start to hum a tune for the child. "His hair's really growing out isn't it?" She leaned forward, resting her arms on the back of Allison and Andy's seat.

Allison nodded, looking at the awkward length of John's dark hair. "Did you notice that the gray isn't as light as it was."

Andy nodded, looking to his left at Brian and Kaylie. "Yo, Brian." He smiled at the two, pointing to the paper that Brian had in his hand. "See if you can get Bender to do something."

Brian shook his head. "You do it."

Vernon looked back at them in the rearview mirror. "Anyone hungry?" He asked, as they pulled into the next town. "There's a McDonalds up here."

Everyone raised their hands, and Mary raised a brow at John. "No being a pig." She smiled, noticing the fake hurt on his face.

"I'm hurt." He smirked, pulling the kid higher on his lap. "I'm not a pig all the time."

Amelia looked up at him, poking his chin. "Don't steal my nuggets." She ordered.

John wrinkled his nose. "I'll steal your fries then."

"No!"

John squeezed her to his chest, tickling her in the ribs. "You will let the tickle monster steal your fries!"

The bus erupted with laughter, only getting louder when a yelp of pain escaped John. "What's wrong El Jefe?" Dominic laughed, knowing damn well what had happened. "Forget to wear your cup?"

John passed Amelia to her mom, doubling himself over so that his head was between his knees. "Screw you man." He growled. "Why does this always happen?"

"Because you always forget to wear your cup." Andy laughed. "We bought that just so that you could do that without getting hurt, but you never wear it."

John looked up, turning to look at the athlete. "Maybe it's too small."

Claire threw her jacket at him, not wanting to hear anymore. "You are so gross!"

"What's a cup?" Amelia piped up, looking at everyone with the innocence that so many of them had been robbed of.

Mary looked down at her daughter, shaking her head. "You don't want to know."

Vernon parked the bus, opening the door for the flood of hungry teens. "Alright, don't cause too much trouble." He caught a glimpse of Dominic in the parking lot, watching as he and Landon pulled Jessop's sweater over the top of his head. "Landon! Don't do that to your brother!" He rolled his eyes, sighing to himself. "This is going to be a long road trip…"

Thomas chuckled, patting Vernon's shoulder. "Tell me about it."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Okay, okay, check this out." Cody stuck his tongue out at curled it into his nose.

The Breakfast Club all laughed, looking over at Jim. "Your turn, man." Dominic chuckled, taking a drink of his milk.

Jim smirked, bending his arms all the way behind his head and popping his elbows into odd angles. "How's that one?"

The group jumped back as milk shot out of Dominic's nose. "Where the hell did you learn that?" He asked, wiping the leftover milk from his face.

Jim shrugged. "I've always known how to do it."

Claire jumped as she heard John's voice and a loud boom from inside the play house. "Are you okay up there?" She called, just as she noticed John and Amelia coming down the slide. "Oh my God." She covered her mouth trying to hide her laughter.

"What?" He asked, setting Amelia down at the table.

"You look like a porcupine!" Kaylie didn't even bother to hide her laughter, nearly falling off her seat as she snorted.

John rolled his eyes, smoothing his hair down. "Just be happy it's growing back." He picked up his cheese burger, taking a bite like a normal human.

Amelia guarded her chicken nuggets and fries against him, glaring at him every time he moved with a look she'd obviously learned from him. She watched him so carefully that she missed Andy stealing a fry.

Allison giggled, pointing to her boyfriend. "You better watch it. She's been hanging around John an awful lot."

John shot her a look, swallowing his food before speaking. "I'm getting better."

Claire smiled, shaking her head. "Only because you can't get too worked up yet."

The table went silent, remembering John's seizures and how bad they used to get if he got too excited. They remembered the one at the fundraiser concert gone wrong, knowing how that still got on John's nerves. The fact that he'd been wrongly accused of being a meth addict by choice burned them all up. They'd been trying to think of a way to bring that to the attention of the media, but were yet to think of something.

John finished his burger, smiling as Amelia pushed her empty food box away. "You full already?"

She nodded, leaning back in her seat and patting her belly like John did after a good meal. "I could get used to this."

Claire gave a sad smile, remembering how thin John had been when he'd first come to her for help. He was gaining weight again, but he wasn't packing it on quite as fast as he had been before he'd been drugged by the Silverman's while protecting Amelia. He'd lost a lot of what he'd been able to gain when in the grips of the withdrawals, and was practically having to start over.

They all knew he was still struggling with the cravings, but they also knew he was getting healthier with every passing day. The dark circles under his eyes were almost invisible now, and his skin tone was almost back to his normal healthy tan. But they also knew he still had a long way to go. Three months of recovery may have seemed like a lot to anyone who'd ever dealt with what most of the burners had, but to them, three months flew by like three hours. They were all used to cramming twenty years into one day for most of their lives, that most had forgotten that life wasn't a race against time, but a float down a river.

That was something that they all struggled with on a day to day basis. Most of them had taken up music to help them cope, but others had found quieter methods -much to the joy of the parents.

Clarissa turned to the other adults at her table. "They're all looking better, aren't they?" It was true, all the burner kids were starting to look healthier than when they'd first became a part of the Breakfast Club.

Kathrine nodded, pointing to the smallest of them. "Even Tyler's looking better."

Vernon looked at the kids, shaking his head. "Never in a million years did I think that I'd become so close to these kids."

Thomas nodded, looking around the table at them all. "I don't think any of us thought we would."

Paul chuckled, shaking his head at the irony of what had happened. "I used to tell Brian to avoid them, I was worried that he'd end up getting high all the time, but now we're moving into the same house as all of them."

Chris Clark looked over at the teens. "We've got a bunch of winners over there. They're just in a different kind of competition than Andrew."

"More of an individual sport." Vernon looked up as the teens started laughing again, shaking his head as he saw that Landon had Jessop in a head lock. "Landon!" He looked back to the adults. "I swear those two are worse than all of the Breakfast Club combined."

Clarissa chuckled. "Only because they're brothers, and the only others who are related are cousins." She pulled her coat on, remembering the odd Bender stare that the boys shared. "And I'm glad there's not more of them."

"Are two Bender's too many for you?" Jan laughed, motioning for the teens to get ready to go.

"One Bender is too many for most." Vernon stated, following behind the line of teens. "Isn't that right John?"

John smirked, giving Vernon a look that they were both familiar with. "Eat my shorts." He chuckled, picking Amelia up and placing her on his shoulders.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"Play something!" Amelia and Jessop cheered as John pulled his guitar out of its case.

John plucked a few strings, tuning the instrument up. "Alright, how about Sweet Home Alabama?"

The two children nodded. "Yeah!"

John started the song, strumming the opening chords. "Big wheels keep on turning Carry me home to see my kin Singing songs about the south-land I miss 'ole' 'bamy once again and I think it's a sin," He smiled as Claire started to sing, followed by the rest of the clan.

"Well I heard Mister Young sing about her Well I heard ole Neil put her down Well, I hope Neil Young will remember A southern man don't need him around anyhow Sweet home Alabama Where the skies are so blue Sweet home Alabama Lord, I'm coming home to you in Birmingham they love the Gov'nor, boo-hoo-hoo Now we all did what we could do Now Watergate does not bother me Does your conscience bother you, tell the truth Sweet home Alabama Where the skies are so blue Sweet home Alabama Lord, I'm coming home to you, here I come Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers And they've been known to pick a song or two yes they do Lord they get me off so much They pick me up when I'm feeling blue, now how bout you? Sweet home Alabama Where the skies are so blue Sweet home Alabama Lord, I'm coming home to you Sweet home Alabama, oh sweet home Where the skies are so blue and the governor's true Sweet home Alabama Lord, I'm coming home to you." They all laughed, happy to have something to do other than look at the millions of trees passing them by.

"We make a good group!" Kaylie smiled, elbowing Brian. "I'm surprised that even Brian knows that one."

"Everyone knows that." He rolled his eyes. "It's like the most famous song in history."

John chuckled, shaking his head. "It only came out ten years ago." He strummed a few more chords. "What next?" He smiled as everyone shouted out a different song. "Pick one!" He laughed.

Amelia looked up at him, her big eyes shining with innocence. "Can we do Time After Time?"

John looked over at Claire, knowing that she knew all the lyrics better than he did. "Do you mind, Sweets?"

She shook her head, starting to sing as he played. Her voice was like a angel's, carrying through the bus with the grace of God. "Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you Caught up in circles Confusion is nothing new Flashback, warm nights Almost left behind Suitcases of memories Time after."

John smiled, not believing how lucky he was to have found her. His fingers barely felt the strings beneath them as he played, he let Claire's voice flow though him, letting her take over his movements. His fingers found the perfect speed to play, keeping time with her words.

"Sometimes you picture me I'm walking too far ahead You're calling to me, I can't hear What you've said Then you say, go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds." She watched as John closed his eyes, knowing that he was going into his own world, where nothing mattered but the music. It was the only place he could escape from his addictions, and she was always happy when he did. It was the only time that the true John was able to show, the only time his mind allowed him to live as a normal kid, without fear or cravings. She knew the pain he lived with each day, but she also knew that he had found a way to fight it with each moment he played and sang. "If you're lost you can look and you will find me  
Time after time If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time After my picture fades and darkness has Turned to gray Watching through windows You're wondering if I'm okay Secrets stolen from deep inside The drum beats out of time If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time You said go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting Time after time If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting Time after time, Time after time, Time after time, Time after time, Time after time, Time after time, Time after time, Time after Time." She pressed a kiss to his cheek as he strummed the last chords. "I love you." She whispered into his ear, feeling him shift to press a kiss of his own to her lips.

"I love you more."

Amelia stuck her tongue out, wrinkling her nose as they kissed. "Gross!" She exclaimed, making the whole bus erupt in laughter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Claire smiled, listening to John snore as the sun started to set. He looked so much younger when he slept, like the years of fear and pain had melted away from his face, letting him look like the seventeen-year-old he really was.

She rested her head on his shoulder, listening to the pulse of his blood under his skin. She breathed in his scent, taking comfort in his closeness. It was hard to believe that only a few months ago, she'd hated him, but now she couldn't think of a way to live without him.

Amelia rubbed her eyes, sitting up to see her Knight and his Princess asleep in the seat beside her. She stood, stepping over to them and crawling into John's lap.

"Huh? What?" John shot out of his dream, halfway ready to kill something because it was a really good one. "Amelia, what are you doing?" He pulled her farther onto his lap, letting her rest her head on his chest.

"I'm tired." She yawned, wrapping her hands in his flannel.

Claire smiled, shaking her head as she saw how gentle the boy always became with the child. "You do know that he's my man, right?"

Amelia curled into his chest, mischief shining in her eyes. "He's my knight." She giggled, burying her face in John's shirt.

"Now ladies, there's plenty of me to go around." He chuckled, covering Amelia's back with his denim jacket.

Claire shook her head, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "There's not enough." She whispered, running her fingers through his short hair, the locks barely covering her fingers. "There never will be."

He closed his eyes, pleasure coursing through his mind at her touch. He loved the tingling sensation when her nails rubbed over his scalp, the feeling of her hands on him. He couldn't imagine what it would be like when they climbed into bed for the first time. He moaned as she pressed on a spot just behind his ear, leaning into her touch. "I fucking love you…"

Claire shook her head, giving his shoulder a hard tap. "Filter."

He opened his eyes, looking down at the child in his arms. "She's asleep." He leaned into her touch again, smiling as she massaged the back of his skull.

Claire shook her head, happy that John found such comfort in her little massages. She remembered the first time she'd touched him this way, how he'd flinched at the sudden contact of her nails on his neck. "You're suck a dork."

The tension left his muscles as she touched a pressure point in his neck, making him groan as she continued to rub his neck.

Tyler shook his head, laughing at the couple. "You'd think she was giving him a blowjob." He turned to Dominic, his smile spreading over his entire face.

Dominic smirked, remembering the nightmare that was Jessica under the bleachers. "I don't think he could get anymore enjoyment out of anything else." He chuckled, watching how his cousin acted like a happy puppy under Claire's touch. "Those two were made for each other."

Tyler nodded. "Wish I could find someone like that."

Kaylie turned in her seat, patting Tyler's knee. "You will." She smiled at Brian. "We all will."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Vernon stopped the bus outside of a hotel in the middle of Branson, letting the group off to find their rooms. "Alright, everyone off but remember not to cause too much trouble." He gave a pointed look at John. "I mean it Bender."

Dominic smirked, looking up at the older man. "Which one are you talking to?"

Vernon rolled his eyes, looking at the cousins. "Both." He cracked a smile as he caught their grins, knowing that they knew he cared for them.

Thomas chuckled, patting Richard on the back. "Those boys, are something else." He took his wife's hand in his, kissing her head. "Not sure what we'd do without them."

Vernon shook his head, watching as John tossed Amelia onto his shoulders. "Never thought I'd say this, but they're all good kids."

John took Claire's hand, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you." He whispered, squeezing Amelia's ankle as she shifted slightly. "Don't fall off there, kid." He chuckled, feeling her little hands on his forehead. "I don't want you to go splat on the pavement."

Amelia laughed, bouncing on his shoulders. "I wanna sleep in your room."

John pulled her down, letting her straddle his stomach as he held her up. "You know that Dominic and I both snore, right?"

"I do not!" Dominic shouted over the buzz of the group. "You're the one that shakes the house!"

John shook his head. "I remember us both getting in trouble at Grandma's because Dominic Alejandro Bender was keeping everyone up."

"If it was just me than how come you've got a matching scar?"

John looked at Amelia, a plan forming in his mind. "Because you snored enough for both you and me."

"Fuck you, El Jefe." Dominic flinched as Kaylie flicked him at the base of the skull.

"Little ears!" She smirked, catching the taller boy in a headlock and giving him a noogy.

"Get off me!" He pushed her arms over his ears, turning to his cousin as he nearly fell over from laughter. "You think that's funny Kurt?"

John wiped a tear from his eye, launching toward his cousin. "Don't use my middle name!"

Dominic twisted out of his grip, pinning John to the ground. "It was Grandpa's name, asshat."

John rolled, attempting to use his strength to get his cousin underneath himself. But the strength he'd once had was gone, robbed from him by the meth he'd been drugged with. "Get off." He croaked, fighting the flaring seizure he could feel coming on. "Off." He looked up at Claire, his message clear.

Dominic jumped off of him, pushing Amelia into Claire's arms as John's seizure started to hit. "Get her out of here." He knelt beside his cousin, taking his head in his hands as he convulsed.

They'd thought he was through this, but Allison's father had told them that there could still be flareups if John got too excited. The group fell into position, making a human wall around their leader.

Dominic clamped John's jaw shut, waiting for the worst of it to pass. "Sal de eso, primo." He soothed, speaking in his mother's tongue, knowing that only John would understand. "Está bien, está bien."

John's seizure faded, letting him open his eyes to see his cousin above him. "Sí, Viviremos." He croaked, letting Dominic help him to sit up. "Thank you." He smiled, leaning his exhausted body against his cousin's chest.

"Burner code." He patted John's chest, letting the younger Bender relax for a moment. "We protect our own."

"And fight for each other." John closed his eyes, smiling as he caught the scent of Claire's perfume. "There's my Sweets." He whispered, feeling her move his body from his cousin's arms to her own.

Claire shushed him, letting his head rest on her chest as she ran her fingers through his sweaty hair. "Let's get you to bed." She pulled him to his feet, looping his arm over her shoulders as they made their way to John and Dominic's room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

John rested his head against the pillows, letting Claire pull the blanket up to his chin. "Sweets," He breathed, a tired smirk crossing his lips, "stay."

Claire shook her head, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I can't." She smiled, sitting on the edge of his bed as Amelia followed Dominic into the room. "You know that."

Amelia climbed onto the bed, resting her head on John's chest. "Are you tired?" She asked, wiggling under the blanket with him.

"Really tired." He chuckled, curling an arm around the child.

Claire smiled, pressing a kiss to both of their heads, before standing to leave. "I'll see you guys in the morning." She looked over at Dominic, covering her eyes when she noticed he was already in his boxers and a tank top. "Didn't need to see that." She shook her head as she left the room, closing the door behind her. "Good night." All she heard in reply was John's snores and the sound of Dominic flopping into his bed.

John rolled onto his side, curling around the child beside him. He could hear his cousin sucking the walls through his nostrils with every breath, and was reminded of his plan. He poked Amelia's side, stirring the child from her dream. "Hey, squirt," He whispered, nodding to his sleeping cousin, "you wanna pull a joke on uncle Dom?"

She nodded, peeking over John's shoulder at the sleeping boy in the other bed. "What's the joke?"

"Alright, when I shout 'it's the fuzz' I want you to jump on top of him, but not before I grab his arms." He picked her up, setting her on the side of Dominic's bed. He gently gripped Dominic's wrists, making sure that he had a firm hold on his cousin before giving the signal. "It's the fuzz!" He grinned as Amelia body slammed Dominic's stomach, sending the older boy into a panic.

"Fuck! Get the shit! Out-" He blinked, his vision clearing to his little shit of a cousin and the kid he'd become so attached to dying of laughter. "You little fuckers." He growled, hating that John was so high energy now.

John laughed so hard that his legs stopped working causing him to crash to the floor in a fit of laughter. He clutched his stomach, tears leaking from his eyes as he rolled onto his side.

Amelia looked over the side of the bed, giving a puzzled look at the boy dying of laughter of the floor. "Is he okay, uncle Dom?" She asked, turning to Dominic.

"Fuck no." He tossed a pillow onto John's face, muffling the insane laughter. "He's a psycho." Truth was, he was happy to hear John's old laugh, the laugh that he'd had before the meth drugging, before he'd been forced to walk through hell and back.

John sat up, swinging the pillow onto Dominic's face with all the force he could. "Shut up!" He shouted, jumping on top of his cousin and pining him into the pillows.

"John." Dominic warned, knowing what road he was starting down. "Settle down."

Amelia giggled, pulling on the wallet chain attached to John's jeans. "Do it again!" She smiled, letting him scoop her into the air, and flop back onto their bed.

John glanced at the clock, his energy starting to fade. "No. It's four in the morning, we gotta get to sleep."

She stuck her lower lip out, turning on her puppy-dog-look. "But uncle Dom snores."

Dominic chuckled, climbing out of bed to go to the bathroom. "So, does Johnny boy."

John shook his head, leaning back against the pillows and letting Amelia curl up in his side. "Put some pants on." He yawned, covering Amelia's eyes as Dominic walked back to his bed with a cup of water. "Kid doesn't need to know about all your junk."

Amelia wrapped a hand up in John's shirt, curling farther into his ribs. "What's junk?" She murmured, her eyelids growing heavy with sleep.

John smiled, kissing the child's head. "Gross boy stuff." He pulled the covers over them both, shutting the light out as Dominic crawled back into bed. "Goodnight, Princess." He let the darkness surround him, letting the silence carry him into dream land, where he knew that his demons resided and could strike at any moment if he wasn't careful.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Amelia pushed against John's chest, his arms starting to get too tight around her small body. "John…" She whined, trying to wake up the sleeping man beside her. "Too tight…"

John groaned as if he were in pain, his muscles tightening as the faces of his tormentors filled his mind. The voices of his parents and the Silverman's filled his ears, the sounds of chains rattling and skin striking skin following close behind. He could feel the sting of his father's belt on his back, the crack of bones as his body was beaten into the floor.

"Uncle Dom, John's hurting me!" She called to the older of the two, waking him from his own fitful slumber.

Dominic, stumbled out of bed, knowing that his cousin was having a nightmare. "It's alright, Toots." He pried the child from John's grip, holding her close as John's dream became worse. "He's just having a bad dream."

Claire knocked on the door to the boys' room, smiling as Dominic opened it to let her in. "Good-" She was cut off by a cry of John, her body already reacting to his distress. "John?" She crawled onto the mattress beside him, running her fingers through his hair to gently coax him out of his nightmare. "John, look at me." She rested her hand on his cheek, smiling as his dark eyes opened to meet her own. "There you go."

John took a shaky breath, pulling Claire into a tight hug as his mind returned to the real world. "You're safe." He signed, letting a lone tear fall. "I thought-"

Claire wrapped her arms around him, letting him lean on her for support. "It's okay. It was just a dream." She watched as Dominic pulled his jeans on, taking Amelia with him down to the breakfast buffet that was provided by the hotel. "Was it bad?" She asked, rubbing her fingers over his shoulders, her nails catching in the worn fabric.

He nodded, flinching as her nails ran along an old scar. "They… they had you and Amelia, I was trying to protect you both, but they fucked me up too bad and Joe… started feeling you up and I wasn't able to stop it." His chest hitched, the images of his dream flooding into his memory.

Claire shushed him with a kiss on the lips, feeling his body relax against hers as she let him set the pace. His lips were dry and cracked against her own, but they were his, and she wouldn't have changed them for the world. She poked his lips with her tongue, joy coursing through her when he let her inside. She felt his tongue against her own, each one of them fighting for dominance over the other. She gasped as his teeth grazed over her lips, pleasure shooting through her mind. "John…" She moaned, feeling his hands tighten around her waist as he moved to her neck.

He smirked, his lips traveling to her collarbone, where his teeth nipped at her flesh, turning her pale skin to a rosy pink. "I love you."

"John." She pushed him back, fully aware of what he was feeling. "No." She smiled at the look of hurt in his eyes. "When you get me a ring, then we'll talk about that."

He nodded, shifting as he realized just how uncomfortable his jeans had become. "I do love you." He whispered, his voice husky from the hormones coursing through his body.

Claire smiled, resting her head against his as she looked into those dark pools he had for eyes. "I love you too." She kissed his nose, crawling off of the bed to start the shower for him. "Vernon said we should all be ready to go in an hour." She tossed a towel at him smiling as it hit him right in the face. "Meet me in the breakfast room when you're done."

John chuckled, pulling his t-shirt over his head to reveal his scarred torso. "Thank you, Sweets."

She looked over each scar on his body, thankful that she was one of the only people he trusted enough to show them to. "You're welcome, El Jefe." She smiled, remembering the translation that Dominic had given her for the title.

"You're the boss with this relationship." He smirked, closing the bathroom door behind him. "I'll be out in ten."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

John rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, feeling the soap and water run down his body. He knew he was thinner than he should be, his muscles had lost some of their tone since he'd had the meth forced into his blood, and his scars seemed more noticeable than they had been a few months before. He knew that he must've been a sight for Claire, his skinny, drug ravaged, scarred body wasn't much to look at, and to tell the truth, he was half expecting Claire to dump him as soon as one of them moved out of the house. He knew that if he was a girl, the last thing that he would want to be stuck with for the rest of his life would be a drug addicted, beat up, scrawny thing like him.

He poured some body wash onto his hand, rubbing it over his chest and stomach, feeling every line of scar tissue branded into his skin. He hated that he looked the way he did, hated the fact that he'd been forced to live a life with the marks of anger written on his flesh like a book for the world to see. He hated that he'd never know what it was like to live with a clean slate, to be able to wipe the past away like chalk on a blackboard. The only way he would ever be able to mask the scars, would be with scars of color on top. He'd thought about tattoos before, but he wasn't sure if he could take the pain of the millions of needle pokes it would take to cover all of his scars.

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the water run over his skin. "They can't hurt you." He mumbled, steadying his breath as he felt his heart start to beat faster. "You're safe."

He pressed a hand over his mouth as a bout of nausea hit him, rushing out of the shower to empty his stomach into the toilet. It was a common reoccurrence since he'd been drugged, his stomach would flip at random times, usually leaving him vomiting until there was nothing left for his body to reject. He hadn't told anyone about the vomiting or the emotional numbness that he was stuck with. He didn't know how. He'd found himself forcing smiles and jokes over the last few months, he didn't know when it had happened, all he knew was that he'd woken up one day and felt completely numb. He'd had no emotions to feel. It was as if he'd been thrown into a room with nothing except plain white walls.

His only release from that hell, was when Claire kissed him. When her lips would brush over his skin it was like the world had stopped, and all that existed was him and her.

John's stomach started to settle, letting him rest for a moment. He laid on the floor, relishing in the feeling of the cold tile on his wet flesh. "Ugh…" He groaned, slowly pushing himself up and grabbing a towel. He rubbed the fabric over himself, drying the water from his body, before pulling on some clothes and starting for the breakfast room.

"Hey, El Jefe!" Dominic smiled, waving his cousin over. "Únete a nosotros!" He pulled the slightly smaller boy into a chair beside him, pushing a plate heaped with scrambled eggs and bacon toward his cousin. "Comer." He handed John a fork, switching over to English so the others could get an idea of what he was saying. "Grandma Diaz would say you're too skinny for a pretty girl like Claire."

"Vete a la mierda!" John cursed, his message clear by his tone. He glared at his cousin, sending an unspoken message between them. "Andrea always thought we were too skinny."

"Well you were." Claire piped up, taking a bite of the blueberry muffin she'd grabbed for breakfast.

All of the burners turned to look at her, not believing that she'd said something like that. Kaylie looked between the six other burners, remembering their days of fighting for food. "We still are." She remembered how small she'd felt when the man who'd tried to rape her took her down, how it'd taken John's entire weight to take the monster down and how John had to use every tool in his toolbox to mess him up as bad as he did. "We still need to put on more weight if we're going to survive on our own after school." She shifted in her seat. "We're a pack now, but after school we're going to have to find our own paths. We're going to have to become lone wolves."

John looked down at his plate, noticing that Kaylie's was almost empty. "Here." He scrapped a few eggs onto her plate, an old habit from when the burners could actually get their hands on some food. "Eat."

She smiled sweetly at him, taking a few bites of the food to show her gratitude. "Thank you."

He nodded, taking a bite of his own food. "She's right. We'll always be a pack, but eventually we're going to have to start lone wolfing. We need to learn to fight entirely on our own." He looked around the group. "That means, only call backup if it's one-hundred-percent needed."

Claire watched as the burners nodded, amazed that they were already talking about life like a battle. "How can you talk like that?" She asked, shock clear on her face.

Jim glanced up at her, honesty shining in his blue eyes. "That's how we are… we've fought for everything our entire lives."

John swallowed his food, setting his fork on the table. "Claire, Sweets, I hate to tell you this, but you've lived a sheltered life." He motioned to Andy, Brian, and Allison. "You all have. You've never had to fight for food, never had to run from a bullet, never had to worry about some creep try to take you in an ally; but we have. The only reason that any of us survived as long as we have, is because we're always three steps ahead, playing every angle before it can be played. It took all of us, working as a team to stay alive." He looked to Kaylie covering her hand with his. "And when one doesn't do his part, things always go south."

The burners all gave an odd motion with their eyebrows, raising one while blinking the opposite eye.

Andy furrowed his brow, glancing between the seven burners around the table. "What the hell was that?"

Dominic smirked, showing off the dimple in his left cheek. "Burner forgiveness." He patted his cousin on the back. "It means forgive, but never forget."

John nodded. "You never forget what went wrong, but you forgive who made the fault." He took another bite of his breakfast. "In this case, we never forget Sid, but I am the one who's forgiven." He gave a hard swallow, biting the inside of his cheek. "I'm the one that left his part. I left Sid in charge. I left my group with one Jefe, when we were always supposed to have two. We were supposed to look out for each other, that was my job when it came to Sid." He took a breath, forcing himself to remember his friend's face. "Sid kept an eye on me, I kept an eye on him, and we all looked out for each other."

"Burner code." The burners murmured, raising their cups of orange juice.

Claire dropped her gaze, looking at the half-eaten muffin on her plate. Every time she thought she knew how they'd survived, they'd show her another side, another angle they'd had to play, another risk they'd taken. All done to stay alive. "And I thought soldiers were tough." She whispered, returning to her muffin. "You guys take the cake."

"Sweets, you've put up with us for three months." John chuckled, his eyes shining with mischief. "I think you're tougher than all of us thugs combined."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Claire took a seat by the window, feeling John's arm wrap around her, and his lips tickle her neck. "What're you doing?" She giggled, feeling him smile.

"Getting some sugar." He stated, his fingers tangling in her hair as he leaned back to look at her. "And loving every second of it."

Thomas cleared his throat, letting John know he was watching. "I got my eye on you up there."

John sighed, turning to look at Claire's father. "Yes sir." He rested his arm over his girl's shoulder, smiling as Amelia started playing patty-cake with Kaylie. "I'll be a perfect gentleman."

Vernon looked at him in the rear-view mirror. "I don't think that's possible Bender." He chuckled, shifting the bus into gear.

John smirked, twisting the coin ring around Claire's perfect finger. "It's gotta be in my DNA somewhere." He looked up at Claire, seeing the smile on her face as he kissed her hand. "We Bender's aren't all selfish pigs."

Claire kissed his nose. "Not this one."

"Hey, I'm a Bender too!" Dominic announced through the bus, throwing a wad of paper at the couple in the seat in front of him.

Claire laughed, turning to look at the older of them. "Both Bender's are good men."

Brian nodded, looking between the three of them, noticing just how alike the cousins looked for the first time. "Did you two ever pass as twins?"

John turned to the geek, pain flashing behind his smile. "Our deadbeat dads were twins." He looked over at Dominic. "Guess the genetics got passed on." He remembered the accusations that he had heard, the truths that they'd held. How his mother had slept around with a few guys other than his dad. He could feel every hit he'd taken while protecting his mother from his dad's hate. He'd never liked his mom, she'd been a bitch to him every day of his life, but he'd hated his dad worse. He knew the pain of his old man's fists better than anyone, and no matter how much he despised his mom, it was wrong to hit a woman. He'd taken blows for her; every word, every doubt of his parentage being beaten into him as it was screamed at her. "Sometimes our own mothers couldn't tell us apart."

Dominic scoffed, leaning back in his seat. "Like that means much." He placed a toothpick in his mouth, looking out the window. "They were so high most of the time that they couldn't tell up from down."

John's lip curled, remembering the things he would walk in on in the living room of his own house. "There was a lot more they got confused about."

Claire dropped her gaze, sickened by what she knew John had seen. She gently rubbed a hand over his shoulders, feeling how tense his muscles were. "Relax, you might-"

"Might what?" He snapped, regretting it when the bus went silent. "Sorry." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "It's just…" He looked at Amelia, leaning over to whisper in Claire's ear. "I saw a lot of shit, and I might be Dom's brother instead of cousin."

Claire nodded, pressing a kiss to his lips. "It doesn't matter." She whispered, letting him kiss her again.

His movements were slow at first, the pace he set like warm caramel, but they soon became more aggressive, hungry for her. His teeth pulled at her lips, his body pressing against hers, until something thumped him on the back of the head. "What the fuck?"

He turned to see Thomas giving him a scolding look. "Back if off, kiddo." He patted him on the shoulder, pointing to his daughter. "You shut him down if he needs it."

Claire nodded, taking John's hand in hers. "Of course, Daddy."

Thomas started back to his seat, sending one last warning look to John. "Behave."

John squeezed Claire's hand, knowing that they would revisit this moment later. "Yes, Sir."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Amelia climbed into John's lap, making him jerk awake. "Spaghetti Cheetos!" He exclaimed, looking around to try and get his bearings. "Huh?"

Amelia laughed, forgetting why she'd come to him for a moment. "What does that mean?"

"What?" He asked, not remembering what he'd said.

Claire snuggled her head farther into the crook of his neck, craving his touch. "You said something about spaghetti and Cheetos." She mumbled, slipping back into her slumber.

"I have no idea, what that was about." He chuckled, looking down at the sad child in his lap. "Hey… what's that face about?" He asked, letting her cuddle up to him.

She wrapped her hands in John's shirt, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I miss Monte." She sniffed, looking up at her knight. She knew that if anyone could make this better, it was him. He could fix everything, he'd even fixed her favorite baby doll when one of the older kids in the park had broken it.

John nodded, knowing that she missed her best friend. She'd had to say goodbye just a few days ago, and despite everyone telling her that they'd see each other again, there'd been enough tears to fill the Nile. "I miss my friend too." He hadn't told her about Sid yet, and he didn't want to. She was far too young to learn about all that he'd grown up in. "I miss a lot of people."

"But we'll see them, again right?" She asked, pulling on a loose thread in his flannel. "When we go back to visit?"

John nodded, resting his head on top of Claire's. "You sure will."

"What about your friends? Will you see them again?"

John looked down at her, his mind flooding with memories of Sid's body. "I don't think so."

"Why?"

He smiled at her, loving the look of innocence in her eyes. "They live in heaven now." He still wasn't sure if he believed any of that shit, but he did know that there was something out there. "I won't see them for a very long time."

She gave him a puzzled look, tilting her head to the side. "Were they old?" She questioned, unable to picture a teenager in heaven.

John shook his head, taking a slow breath. "They weren't all old. Some of them were younger than me."

"Why did they go to heaven then?" She asked, trying to fit the puzzle together in her mind.

John kissed her head, feeling Claire shift in her sleep. "They were really sick." He remembered how he had Sid would do anything to get high and escape the pain they were always in. "And there wasn't a doctor to help them."

Amelia rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She always liked to hear his heart, she liked how it sounded, it was an odd comfort she'd found. The steady beat was a message telling her that everything would be okay, that everyone would be okay. "Are you still sick?"

John held her close, knowing that he couldn't tell her the truth. "I'm almost all better." He smiled. "It'll just take a little bit longer."

She closed her eyes, happy to have her knight say that. "I can't wait for you to be all the way better." She yawned.

"Me too, Squirt." He sighed, knowing that he would never be better, no matter how hard he tried. "Me too."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

After hours of traveling, Vernon finally got tired of the energetic teens and pulled over at a park. "Everyone out, go burn some stink off."

John stretched his arms above his head, happy to have the chance to get out and run. "Sweets." He nudged his girl, waking her from her nap. "Come on."

She rubbed her eyes, running her fingers through her hair. "Hmm?" She yawned, looking around as the bus emptied. "Where are we?"

"Kansas City." He smiled, taking in all of Claire's natural beauty.

She noticed him staring at her, rolling her eyes as she pushed a hand onto his face. "Stop staring at me, you creep."

John chuckled, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "You love me."

She stuck her tongue out, a little squeal escaping her when he took it between his lips. "You asshole." She laughed.

"John." Thomas raised a brow as he walked passed, his message clear. "Enough."

John rolled his eyes, before turning to the older man. "Yes Sir." He stood, taking Claire's hand as they walked off the bus. "I'll back off."

Claire squeezed his hand, knowing that her dad was setting John on edge. He'd always had authority issues and hated to be told what to do, and he'd just barely gotten used to having an actual family, she was worried that if her dad got too involved John might just decide to leave. She wouldn't put it past him to disappear for a few hours, maybe even a few days, and if her father pushed too far… she didn't want to think about it. "He's just worried." She whispered, noticing how John's jaw ticked.

He nodded, steering her into a group of trees as Dominic and the other burners started to cause a ruckus among themselves. "Come on." He kept a warry eye on the adults, making sure they were too preoccupied with his buddies.

Claire followed him, unsure of what he had planned. "John, what're you doing?"

He whirled on her, pushing her against a tree, his lips pressed against hers in a passionate kiss. He pressed his body against hers, loving the shock that was in her muscles. He nipped at her lips, tasting her lip balm on his teeth. "I love you." He smiled, his voice low and husky. "I love you so fucking much, and I don't want you to leave me." He dropped his head to her shoulder, letting her have the choice to push away from the tree at her back.

She lifted his head, looking into those coffee colored eyes of his. "Why do you think I'm gonna leave you?"

John swallowed, his throat constricting. "Why would you stay with me?" He ran his hand over her cheek, drinking in every bit of her beauty like water in a drought. "You're so beautiful, and I'm so broken." He hated to admit that, more to himself than to her. He hated the truth that the statement held. The truth that he was damaged merchandise, that no matter how hard he tried he could never be good enough for her.

She shushed him with her hands on either side of his face, making him meet her gaze to show him her honesty. "You are not broken." She wiped a tear from his eye, happy that he trusted her enough to show this side of himself. "You are so strong. You've been through Hell and back so many times, and every single time it made you stronger." She slid her hands down his chest and stomach, slipping them under the hem of his t-shirt. "Every scar you have, is another thing I love about you." She ran a finger over a long line on his side. "It tells me what a fighter you are, and that you will do anything to protect someone you love."

He gave a little moan as her hands traced over his abs, feeling her soft fingers against his skin. "Claire…" He had to force himself to stop her, to keep her from starting something that they both weren't ready for. "That feels so fucking good, but Tom will kill me if I walk back out there with a woody."

She nodded, gently kissing his cheek. "I love you." She whispered, her fingers entwining with his as they started back toward the group. "And I'll never leave you."

He smiled, squeezing her hand to let her know he believed her. "I love you too." He traced a pattern on her hand with his thumb, feeling her soft skin on his calloused fingers. "More than you know." He kissed her nose, happy that she was trying to understand.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Thomas kept an eye on John and his daughter, making sure John didn't push her too far. He trusted the kid, but he was still a teenage boy. A teenage boy who knew way more than Claire did. He knew John wouldn't do anything to hurt her, but his dad instincts still kicked in whenever he saw them kiss.

Clarissa rubbed a hand over his shoulders, catching his attention away from the teens. "You need to give them space." She nodded over at John, pointing out how he was noticeably on edge. "If you push John too far, Claire will be the one who gets hurt."

Thomas sighed, watching as John sprinted ahead of his friends, winning whatever crazy race they were competing in. "I'm just worried." He rubbed his hands together, trying to calm his nerves. "He knows so much more than her, and I just want to keep our baby innocent."

Clarissa nodded, taking his hand in her own. "If I know John, he wants that too." She smiled, as she watched John stop mid-step to pet a passing dog and talk to the owner. "He just loves her so much he's not sure how to do that yet."

Claire glanced around the park, noticing that there was a little thrift shop across the street. "Hey Allison?"

Allison looked up from her drawing, brushing her hair back. "Yeah?"

"Do you think John would wear a necklace? Like a heart shaped locket, or something?" She turned to the dark-haired girl beside her, not seeing Kaylie walk up to them.

"He's always wanted to wear something, but he could never put anything around his neck or his old man would've choked him with it." Kaylie plopped onto the bench beside them. "He never could stand things really close to his neck, to afraid Jacob would use it against him."

Claire nodded, remembering how when her mother had bought him a new shirt, the first thing he did was pop all the stitches on the collar. "That must be why he never lets me hug him over the shoulders."

Kaylie gave a sad smile, remembering how many times he'd panicked when anyone touched his neck. "He's gotten better about it."

Claire stood, turning to the two other girls. "I wanna get him something." She smiled, starting toward the shop.

The bell above the door rang as the three girls walked into the shop, and a little old woman looked up from her book to smile at them. "Hello girls!" She set her book on the counter hopping up from her seat. "Can I help you find something?"

Claire looked at the necklaces, scanning over them to see if there was one that looked like something John would wear. "Do you have any guys necklaces?" She picked up a little leather cord, noticing how it seemed to scream John Bender. "Or maybe an old key?"

Kaylie started looking through the music tapes, picking up a few that stood out to her. "How much is this ZZ Top tape?" She held it up, looking to the old woman who was helping Claire.

"The tapes are a dollar each." She turned back to Claire, leading her to a small wooden box on the counter. "I just got this in today." She opened the box to show hundreds of old keys, each one different from the other.

Claire picked one up, smiling at the little heart that was cast on the top of it. "How much?" She asked, knowing that it was perfect for the purpose she intended.

The woman curled Claire's fingers around it, a grandmotherly smile on her lips. "You can have it. I'm sure it's for someone special."

Claire beamed, stringing the key onto the leather cord. "Thank you."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Where'd you go?" John bent forward, resting his hands on his knees to recover from his last sprint across the field. "You were gone forever."

Claire smiled, looking down at her winded boyfriend. "We went to the second-hand store across the street." She looked over to Kaylie, shaking her head at the box of music tapes in her hand. "Kaylie got some more music to listen too."

Kaylie elbowed Claire's arm, nodding to the necklace behind her back. "Claire got you something too." She smirked, turning to Allison as they walked to the bus.

Claire's cheeks flushed, as she pulled out the little leather string and key. "This is really cheesy, but it's the key to my heart." She handed it to him, watching as he hesitantly felt over the leather cord. "If you don't want to wear it-"

"I'll wear it." He stated, handing her the necklace and turning his back to her so she could clasp it around his neck. He had to fight the jolt of fear that went through him as the leather pressed against his throat, the memory of the chain his father would use to choke him still fresh in his mind. He pressed a hand to the key, feeling the intricate patterns cast into the metal on his fingers. He turned back to his girl, a huge smile on his face. "I love it." He swept a hand around her waist, pulling her small body against his and pressing a kiss to her lips.

Claire melted into him, her hands tracing over the hard plains of his chest and up to his shoulders. She could feel his warmth through their shirts, pressing closer to him as a cold wind blew through the park. She felt his hands travel to her thighs and a second later she was suspended in mid-air, with her legs wrapped around his waist. She felt her heart leap, over joyed that his strength had returned enough for him to do that.

She felt him smile, knowing that he was proud of himself for accomplishing the small act. "Not bad for being half-dead a couple months ago, huh?" He asked, his variation of a burner smirk playing on his lips.

She rested her head on his shoulder, the pain of what could have been his last night with her like salt in a wound. "I'm just happy you made it." She breathed in his scent, taking comfort in his presents. "I don't know what I would do without you." She let a tear drop onto his shoulder, feeling his head press against hers.

"I want to give you babies, so we can be a real family." He kissed her neck, remembering the horrors of his own childhood. "I want to fix what my old man did." He closed his eyes, letting himself feel every curve of her body against his. "I want to be better."

She leaned back, looking him in the eyes. "You already are." She looked deep into those eyes, seeing all the pain he'd lived through, and all the joy he had to give, all the love he could feel but never showed. "You are so much better than him."

He blinked, his long lashes fanning over his cheeks for a second. "Only if I can stay sober."

She kissed his nose, taking his face in her hands. "You will stay sober. I know you can and you will."

He pressed his lips to her chin, slowly moving up to her lips. "It's hard."

She nodded, leaning her head against his. "You're stronger than the cravings." She smiled at him, knowing that her words held truth. "You can beat them."

He took a slow breath, taking in the scent of her perfume mixing with her natural smell. "I can't beat my cravings for you."

She laughed, letting him bury his face in her collar bone. "Do get to high. You'll have to detox again."

He shook his head, letting his fingers trace over the seam of the denim pants she was wearing. "Worth it."

"Bender, Standish! Get your love bird butts on the bus!" Chris Clark shouted, herding the rest of the teens onto the vehicle. "We're getting back on the road!"

John let Claire down, taking her hand in his as they walked toward the group. "I would go through detox a million times if I could have only five minutes with you." He kissed her head, squeezing her hand as he touched a finger to the key around his neck. "And even if I never had this key, I would still know I have your heart."

She traced a finger over his scarred knuckles, feeling every callous and crack in his skin. "I love you." She whispered, leaning onto his shoulder as they sat down.

He gave a crooked smile, feeling her soft skin run over his own. "I love you more."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Three days passed, and finally they reached Anaheim California. The teens and children could hardly contain their excitement as they pulled into the parking lot for Disney Land.

Amelia started bouncing up and down on John's lap, causing the muscles in his thighs to go stiff. "I wanna see Cinderella!" She announced, letting John scoop her up as they started for the door.

"I want to see Mickey." He chuckled, lifting her onto his shoulders. "Show him my Minnie." He leaned over kissing Claire's temple as they walked toward the park. "See if he gets jealous." He smirked, taking Claire's hand in his own.

Claire rolled her eyes, smiling up at her boyfriend. "I thought I was Rapunzel."

He nodded, squeezing her hand. "Yeah, but they didn't make a Rapunzel movie."

"Yet." Allison pointed out, taking Andy's hand as he held it out to her. "I think they're waiting for me to animate it."

Dominic laughed, turning to walk backwards so he could talk to her. "I'll bet there won't be any paper for you to draw on then. It'll all be computer shit."

She stuck her tongue out at the boy. "I'll bet you I could animate every single hair if I got the chance."

John winced as Amelia pulled on his short hair, adjusting his sunglasses over his eyes again. "Hey, watch it, I don't wanna have to shave it all off again." He knew that his hair was thinner than it had been, but he also knew it was slowly coming back after they'd had to shave what was left of it. After the meth had been forced into him and the withdrawals had started, he'd been so out of it that he'd started pulling out clumps of his own hair, he'd picked at his skin for days, branding fresh scars into his flesh.

He'd taken to wearing long sleeves again, and in the August heat of southern California he was starting to wish he'd agreed to wear the short-sleeved shirts that Clarissa had bought for him.

Claire squeezed his hand, feeling the little bit of his sweat between their palms. "Are you too hot?" She asked, knowing that if he got too hot one of two things could happen. Either one: another seizure, or two: he could pass out. She knew that he hated being checked up on every five minutes, but she also knew he hated the seizures and embarrassment that came with them. "Cause if you are-"

"I'm fine." He stated, taking he and Amelia's tickets from Jan Vernon.

Claire nodded, taking her own ticket. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Is John sick?" Amelia asked, looking down at the couple beneath her.

Claire shook her head, hating that she had to lie to the child. "He's just got to be careful." There, that wasn't a whole lie, it was only a half-truth. "He can't get too excited or he can get sick again." The half-truth was better than a full lie, right?

John walked through the little revolving gate to the park, handing he and Amelia's tickets over to the man at the booth. "What're we doing first?" He asked, taking the scalped tickets from the man.

"Cinderella's castle!" Amelia shouted, giggling as the group took off toward the most known part of the park.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

John whipped the sweat from his brow, the heat starting to make him light-headed. He'd never had a problem with heat before, since he'd spent every summer in long-sleeved shirts, but he'd never felt California heat.

Claire watched him for a moment, waiting for the worst. She knew it wouldn't be very long before he became overheated, and she knew that a seizure or passing out in a crowded Disney Land walkway would be too embarrassing for him to continue with the day. "Why don't we get you a t-shirt?" She asked, handing him a water bottle from her backpack.

He twisted the cap off, swallowing half of the water in the little container. "I'm-" He swayed slightly, grabbing onto Claire's shoulder to keep from going down.

Clarissa stepped up to the couple, steering John into the shade beside one of the gift stores. "Okay, no more choices on the t-shirt, we are getting you one." She pulled him inside of the shop, standing him right under one of the air conditioning vents to help get his temperature down. "Claire, go find him one that you think will fit." She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket, dabbing it over the boy's face. "Honestly, how would you survive without us?"

Dominic chuckled, picking up a Mickey-ear-hat from the stack. "He's getting a little rusty." He looked down at the stitching on the cap, showing it to Amelia. "There you go princess." He pointed to the writing. "It says 'princess' perfect for you."

Amelia grinned, taking it from him. "Can we get it?" She asked, looking between Dominic and Brian. "Please?"

Brian smiled, showing his braces. "We can get it." He noticed Kaylie checking out a little bracelet on the display beside the counter. "But you have to be good."

Amelia nodded, placing the hat on her head and running off to help Allison with something.

Claire picked a couple shirts off of the rack, checking the sizes before walking back to her mother and boyfriend. "How about these?" She asked, holding them out for him to see. "I can't remember what size you are."

John shrugged, watching as Clarissa took the shirts from her daughter and stretched them over his back to check the size. "I've lost so much weight that I haven't been the same size since the first two weeks in April."

He felt Clarissa poke his shoulder points, measuring his width before moving to his length. She patted his back, making him stand up straight. "You'll get it back." She handed the shirt over to Claire, along with a twenty-dollar bill. "I'm sure of it."

John turned to look at her, knowing that they didn't want to hear the truth. "Mom, I'm not gaining weight like I should." He remembered that morning when he'd had his daily bought of nausea in the hotel room. "And I'm not going to. That drug, changed everything. Meth screws up your gut, it messes with your mind, and it'll make your body refuse to put weight on." He swallowed, knowing that a woman was watching them as he spoke. "I'm not going to get better, like you think." He whispered in her ear. "I'm always going to be a sickly kid. I can't get better, Joe and Rachel made sure of that."

She placed a hand on the young man's cheek, making sure he looked at her. "You will get better." She smiled, taking the new shirt back from her daughter. "Go put this on."

He nodded, taking the shirt into the bathroom to change. "Thanks Mom."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Clarissa waited for John to finish putting on the shirt, praying that they hadn't been too late to get him cooled down, when a young mother walked up to her.

"Excuse me, but isn't that the young man who was on the news a few months ago? The one with the methamphetamine addiction?" She asked, whispering the drug's name like it was a curse.

Clarissa's brows shot up, immediately going into mama bear mode. "He was on the news but he is not a meth addict." She stated, trying to hold her temper down.

The woman looked around, as if she shouldn't be speaking to her. "Well… do you think it's safe to have him around children." She looked to Amelia. "I mean, they're so impressionable, and they tend to do whatever they see teens and adults doing."

Clarissa pointed a finger in the woman's face. "You don't know how good of a man that boy is." She pointed to the bathroom door, knowing that John could come out any second, and she had to defuse the situation before he did. "Do you even know how he got that drug into his blood?" She waved to Amelia. "He took that needle to save that child. She was kidnapped, and he was the only one who knew where she was. He dove into action to save her. When the police pulled them from that house, he was the only one who had a mark on him. That child didn't have so much as a bruise." She crossed her arms over her chest. "He is like my own child, and I almost lost him. So next time you judge a child by his looks or what the media says, get the whole story."

John opened the door, showing Clarissa the shirt. "How's it look?" He asked, rubbing his arms with his hands.

Clarissa smiled, turning away from the baffled lady. "I think Amelia had it right when she said you're a knight."

John tied the old flannel around his waist, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I feel ridiculous."

Amelia ran up to him, giggling as he lifted her into the air. She leaned toward his ear, mischief clear in her movements. "We should get Sweets something." She whispered, her fingers starting to play with the necklace around his neck.

He chuckled, placing her on top of his shoulders. "What were you thinking we should get her?" He asked, ignoring the look that Clarissa gave the woman beside her.

She pointed to the Mickey-ear-caps. "I wanna get her that one." She smiled, as he picked up the one that had the word 'queen' stitched into it. She started to crawl down from her perch, selecting another cap from the display, this one with the word 'knight' written on it. "And this one for you."

John chuckled, taking the cap from her and placing it on his head. "How's it look?" He asked, cringing at the fact that he'd probably have to wear it for the rest of the day.

Amelia grinned, clapping her hands as she bounced up and down. "Yeah!"

Claire smiled, walking over to them. "I think it's kinda hot." She smirked, standing on her tip toes to kiss him. "You look cute."

John rolled his eyes, placing the 'queen' cap on her head. "You look adorable." He kissed her nose, slowly traveling to her lips.

"Gross!" Amelia stuck her tongue out, shaking her head and running off to see Jessop over by the action figures. "They're kissing again." She stated, disgust clear in her tone.

Jessop looked over at the two, making an over exaggerated gagging motion. "Barf." He croaked, causing the older teens to burst out laughing.

John tilted Claire's chin up, glancing at the children. "Look away kids, before your eyes are burned from the light of our love." With that, he pressed his lips against hers, feeling how she melted into his body and returned his affection.

"GROSS!" The kids shouted, running from the gift shop with their newly bought toys.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Claire screamed, clutching John's arm to her chest as the Matterhorn ride gave a sudden drop.

John chuckled, amused that she could be scared of such a silly ride. "Why are you screaming?" He laughed, remembering the car wreck he'd been in a few years back after he, Sid, and Dominic had stolen a car when they were high.

Claire looked up at him as the ride came to a stop. "It's scary." She stated, unbuckling her safety belt. "How are you not afraid on any of these?"

He shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets as he noticed the families staring at his bare arms. "Not sure." He looked down at her a small smile on his lips. "Maybe it was the car wreck."

Claire stopped dead in her tracks, looking between her boyfriend and the rest of the group. "You were in a car wreck?"

Kaylie nodded, remembering how she, Jim, Tyler and Sam had to pull the three idiots from the car before they caught on fire. "They were high."

"Really high." Dominic breathed, remembering the incredible feeling he could never feel again. "What were we on, again?" He asked looking up at his cousin.

John cocked an eyebrow, knowing exactly what Dominic was thinking. "It was blow. And we are not doing that shit again." He pointed to the scar on his collar bone. "That shit was god awful and my nose still burns when I sneeze."

Dominic chuckled, pushing one of his nostrils closed. "You just didn't grind it right and got too many chunks and not enough powder."

John opened his mouth as if to speak but stopped when Amelia started pulling on his shirt hem. "Can we go see Peter Pan now?" She asked, letting him lift her into the air. "I wanna ride the tea cups too."

He smirked, placing the girl on his shoulders. "Did you know I once defeated a pirate?" He asked, taking Claire's hand as they started toward the Neverland part of the park.

"I wanna hear that story!" Amelia squealed, bouncing on his shoulders.

He winced as her weight pulled on the muscles in his shoulders and neck, noticing for the first time just how bad his pain could get when he was tired and had been jostled around all day. "Alright, but you gotta sit still for a minute." He cleared his throat, thinking up a good opening line for the story. "I was walking along the beach on lake Michigan, when all of a sudden I saw a huge pirate ship on the horizon."

Clarissa shook her head, listening to the story that John seemed to spin out of thin air. "He's something else." She looked between the four other moms, happy that they'd made this decision to help these children. "They all are."

Jan smiled, watching the fourteen kids ahead of them. "It's a real shame that they had to live through what they did."

Mary nodded, remembering how out of it John had been when they'd pulled him off of Brian -who he'd mistaken for a threat to Amelia in his drugged mind. "They're tougher than anyone thought."

Kathrine nudged Tyler forward, trying desperately to keep the group together. "I just hope they can all make something out of their lives."

Ryan Reynolds patted her shoulder, keeping a close eye on the burners, to make sure nothing was wrong with the ones that were suffering from side effects of stronger drugs. "I think they will." His eyes flitted over to Dominic, who seemed to be falling behind the others. "They've all got good hearts in there. They're just not really sure how to show them yet."

Thomas followed Ryan's gaze, noticing Dominic's odd behavior as well. "Think we should check on him?"

Ryan shook his head, keeping careful watch on the teen. "We'll see how he's doing after we get some food into them, they're all a little hungry." He nodded to John, knowing that John still didn't have much of an appetite. "Even old Johnny boy over there's gotta be a little hungry."

The adults all laughed at that, knowing that John was starting to get his appetite back after months of hardly eating anything. "At least he doesn't throw it all up anymore." Vernon chuckled, not knowing that John had just become really skilled at hiding his nausea from them all.

Clarissa nodded, happy that John wasn't miserable anymore (or so she thought). "I'm just happy that he doesn't get seizures as much." She remembered the first few weeks after the withdrawals and how John's frail body would bounce around for what seemed like hours, though it was only minutes. "Those were the worst of it."

The other adults nodded, remembering how most of them used to have nightmares about John's life being taken from them too soon. "That boy is a true fighter." Mary smiled, taking Clarissa's hand as they entered 'Neverland.' "You all are."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

John slowed his pace, dropping back in the pack to check on his cousin. "You good?" He asked, speaking in Spanish so that Dominic felt comfortable enough to tell him if he wasn't okay. "You seem a little off."

Dominic looked at his cousin, knowing that he could speak to him better than the others. "I just got really light headed for a second." He looked over the boy beside him, taking in the increased severity of his limp. "You okay?" He nodded to his bad leg, pointing out the limp. "You've got a hitch in the step there."

He shrugged, pounding a fist against his thigh. "It's just been a long day." He tightened his grip on Amelia's ankle, making sure she didn't fall off of his shoulders. "Been rough on the old leg carrying Squirt here."

Amelia looked down at them, puzzled at the strange language they were speaking. "Is that a code?" She asked, making the boys laugh.

"No." John chuckled, tilting his chin up so he could get a glimpse of the kid. "It's Spanish."

Dominic pressed a hand to his head, swaying slightly. "John…"

John, grabbed his arm, pulling him back to his feet and steering him over to a bench to sit down. "Low blood sugar?" He asked, pulling a piece of candy from his pocket and handing it to him. "Eat up."

Dominic nodded, taking a bite of the taffy and leaning back against the back of the bench. "Thanks man."

Ryan stepped up to the boys, sitting beside Dominic. "Are you alright?" He asked, looking between the cousins.

John nodded, looking over at his family. "Yeah, Hypoglycemia runs in the family. He just got a little low blood sugar is all."

Ryan's brow furrowed, watching the young man beside him chew on the taffy that John had given him. "You're sure you're not diabetic?" He asked, knowing that there was a good chance that he was and didn't know it.

Dominic shrugged, as if he couldn't care less. "Don't know."

Ryan patted his hand, knowing that they would have to run a test when they settled down in the new house. "I'm gonna test you for it when we get settled, and I get my tools out so I can do it."

The cousins groaned, both of them knowing that they'd both get tested for all sorts of shit. "Do we have to?" John asked, letting Amelia down from his shoulders.

Ryan nodded, knowing that he'd have to do a routine blood draw on each one of the burners. "It's just to keep you healthy." He cocked a brow as the boys slouched into their seats, amazed that they could be such babies when they wanted to be. "You two can take beatings and drugs that leave you in pain for weeks, but a blood draw is what you're worried about?"

John rolled his eyes, looking over at the doctor. "We didn't choose the beatings, and I didn't choose the last drug I took."

Dominic nodded, looking at the older man. "And I'm three months sober."

"Doesn't matter, I still have to test all of you. Those drugs and whatever else you put into your bodies could still be effecting you."

John kept an eye on Amelia, making sure that she stayed close enough for him to grab her if he needed too. "To be fair, _I_ didn't put that last one into my body." He stood, stepping toward the seven-year-old. "That wasn't my idea." He grabbed Amelia's arms, sweeping her off of the ground when he deemed her too far for comfort. "Where're you going, Squirt?" He chuckled, placing her back on the ground when she pushed on his chin, which caused a spasm to shoot down his neck.

"I thought I saw Peter." She stated, stepping away from him again.

"Uh uh." He grabbed her shoulder again, pulling her back to the group. "We're not having you run off again." He looked down at the child. "Scared the shit outta me last time."

She pouted as he picked her up and sat her on a short wall that was containing a little garden. "I only went to the potty." She scuffed her tennis shoes against the bricks, making John notice her untied laces.

John shook his head, pointing to the laces. "You think you can tie those damn things yet?" He asked, fishing around in the backpack that Claire had given him when she'd gone to the bathroom a few rides ago for a sucker or some form of candy for the child.

She nodded, kneeling down and taking the strings in her little hands. "First… you tie a knot… then, you make a tree." She looked up at John, making sure he approved of her job.

"Good. Next?" He closed his fingers around what felt like a piece of Hubba Bubba gum.

"Then, you make a rabbit… and the rabbit runs around the tree and into his hole." She grinned up at the young man, proud of her accomplishment. "I did it!" She bounced up and down, taking the gum from him as he chuckled at her excitement.

"'Bout goddamn time." He opened another piece of gum, popping the sugar-coated candy into his mouth. "Thought I was gonna be tying those 'til you were my age."

Amelia gave him a very Bender-like glare, punching him in the chest like she'd seen him do to Dominic. "Eat my shorts." She stated, taking in the baffled expression on her hero's face.

"We really need to work on you repeating what I say." He rubbed a hand on his chest, smirking at the little girl. "Just promise you won't say that _stuff_ around your mother." He had to make a quick correction as he went to say 'shit' knowing that the adults would be checking up on him at any minute. "Otherwise, we are both dead."

Amelia smiled, jumping onto his chest like an acrobat waiting for the perfect catch. "Momma won't kill us." She giggled as he caught her. "She loves us too much."

He pulled hugged her close, rubbing his nose against hers. "What and I going to do with you?" He asked, letting her stand on the ground as he heard someone walk up behind him. His smiled fell as he saw Amelia start to back away from him with fear in her eyes. "What's wrong-" He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence, something struck the back of his head, and his world went black.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

The first thing John noticed when he came too, was that the necklace Claire had given him was no longer around his neck. Next, was the rough ropes around his hands and ankles. "What the fuck?" He groaned, slowly opening his eyes to try and get a layout of the room he was in.

"'Bout time you woke up." Jessica gave a cat-like grin, slinking over to him like she was trying to show him what little cleavage she had. "I was starting to think that Peter was a little too rough with you." She pressed a hand to his thigh, tracing the fingers of her other hand over his jawline.

"Get away from me bitch." He spat, trying to push away from her, only to almost tip the chair he was in backwards.

A look of false hurt crossed her features. "Now why am I a bitch?" She asked, letting her hand travel to his stomach, where she slipped it under his shirt.

John clenched his jaw, trying to force himself to not feel her touch. "Because you know that I have a girlfriend." He ground out, moving his legs in an attempt to hide his body's reaction to her touch. "And you know I would never willingly betray her."

Jessica tilted her head, looking at the phone beside her. "Well, we could fix that." She picked up the receiver, turning to the boy she had captive. "What's the number of your new house?" She asked.

"Like I would tell you." He spat, looking at the wall.

Jessica's lip curled as she dug her nails into the bare skin of his arm. "You better tell me." She smiled, at the sound of pain that escaped him.

"No." He stated, ignoring the blood that she'd drawn with her nails.

She placed her hand in his lap, giving the bulge in his jeans a gentle squeeze. "Tell me."

He stifled the moan of pleasure as her touch stimulated his body. "Get off of me." He ordered, trying his absolute hardest to kill his erection.

She slipped her fingers into the flap of denim that hid his zipper, slowly pulling it down. "Tell me." She whispered, slipping her finger into his pants.

"Fine." He gave in, knowing that if he didn't, he would have to carry the guilt of this night for the rest of his life. "I'll tell you." He ducked his head as he told her the number, praying that Claire wouldn't be the one to answer and he could fake it.

She held the phone to his ear. "You're going to break up with her, and say that you've found someone else." She ran a nail under his chin, ignoring the way his muscles tensed as she got too close to his throat.

He nodded, speaking into the receiver as Claire answered. "Sweets, I have to tell you something." He winced as Jessica pushed on a pressure point in his shoulder. "I found someone else, and I have to break up with you."

"What?" Claire's voice squeaked, knowing that something had to be wrong. "What are you talking about?" She asked, trying to pick out any noises in the background to tell her where he was.

"I can't say much more, but I need someone to drop my seizure meds at the school." He knew that she would understand the code, and even if she'd forgotten that one part of it, he knew that she would understand the Morse Code he was clicking in the back of his throat. "I'm sorry, but I'm not coming home." He clicked his tongue, hoping that she understood what he was doing as well as he did.

Jessica smiled, hanging up the receiver as she pressed a hard kiss to his mouth. "That's my boy."

John forced himself to kiss her back, buying time to break out of his bonds. He pulled on the frayed edges of the ropes, pulling at the fibers until the ropes started to loosen. "Hey…" He whispered, making her pull away from him. "I can't do this yet." He hid his pain as the rope cut into his hands, turning on his best regret face as he looked into her snake eyes. "I just need one night to get over her."

She huffed, but nodded, knowing that he'd be much more enjoyable when he wasn't thinking of the redhead. "Fine, but first thing in the morning I expect a good performance." She undid the button on the waist band of his jeans sliding them down on his thighs a little farther. "Nice boxers." She smirked, taking joy in how red his face got. "Get your fluids up for me in the morning and we'll get you some big boy boxers." She ran a finger over his hips, licking her lips as an attempt to help him think of her while he waited for morning. "I want to feel everything you can give me." With that, she started up the stairs, flipping the lights out on her way up. "Goodnight baby."

John shuddered, listening to each step she took, counting them so he knew which ones creaked and which were silent. He sat in silence for a moment, letting his senses adjust to the dark. He could smell liquor coming from the wet bar in the left corner of the basement, his mouth instantly starting to water at the idea of the taste of a real beer. He knew that there was better booze than his parents had bought here, and he also knew that where there was a wet bar, there was most likely something stronger than beer to drink.

His eyes slowly adjusted to the dark, letting him make out shapes in the windowless room. He could just see the outline of a ping-pong table in the corner beside him, but that wasn't going to help him any. He continued to search for something to help him, but he couldn't see far enough to know exactly what he was dealing with.

He pulled on the rope fibers, hissing as they cut into his already raw fingers. "Fuck." He tilted his head back, pushing the base of his skull into the top of the wooden chair. He had to find another way to get out of this, because at this rate he wouldn't have anything put nubs on his hands.

He thought for a moment, trying to find another way out. If she'd put him in chains and locks he could get out of that easy. But this was some sailing rope, that had obviously been through a few years at sea. He felt around the back of the chair, feeling for a spot that might be splintered of rougher than the rest. He paused when he heard a floorboard creak right above him, eyes going wide at the idea of someone catching him in the act of escape with his pants halfway off. He sighed as the footsteps moved on, going back to rubbing the rope on the back of his seat.

Heat built up between his wrists, burning his flesh as he rubbed faster in a furious attempt to break his bonds. He shut his eyes tight against the pain he was causing himself, knowing that he didn't have much time to get to the police station where he could call Claire without the fear of getting caught by Medusa. He let a tear roll down his cheek, feeling his skin become raw and start to bleed from the friction. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." He gasped as the ropes finally gave, letting his arms hang loose as his sides. "Oh, finally." He dabbed his rope burned skin with his t-shirt, letting the blood soak into the fabric. "Mom's gonna kill me once she sees this." He bent forward finding the knots in the ropes securing his ankles to the legs of the chair, happy that these weren't quite as tight as the ones around his hands had been.

He stood, grabbing his pants as they started to fall farther down his legs. "Fucking psycho." He buttoned the waistband, pulling his zipper up as he started walking around to get familiar with his surroundings. "God, I hope Claire got the message." He ran a hand along the bar, knowing that he was close to a light switch.

His mind seemed to pull him toward the mini fridge, making him fight against his addictions. "It won't be better than the meth." He reminded himself, his hand landing on the light switch. He flipped it up, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light. "Alright, first things first, find my shit." He looked around the basement, steering clear of the bar. "Are you kidding me?" He looked behind the bar, noticing that his wallet, and flannel were under a case of beer. "Really? Gotta tempt me?" He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the door to the stairway open. "Fuck…"

The footsteps weren't Jessica's light step, instead they were the familiar clump of Peter. "Hey, dick wad." He barked, dropping the bowl of oat meal when he realized that John was no longer in the chair he'd been tied too. "Where the hell are you?"

John took the chain on his wallet into his hand, knowing what damage a small chain like that could cause from his own experience. He'd promised himself that he would never cause that pain to another human being unless he needed to, and right now, with Peter towering over him and in his own weakened state, he knew it was possible he would need it. He crawled forward, knowing there was a good chance he'd get caught. "SHIT!" He screamed as Peter lifted him by his shirt collar.

"What are you doing?" He pushed the smaller teen into the wall, taking pleasure in the fact that John's strength wasn't coming back as quickly as it could have. "You're supposed to stay here for Jessica." He spat, giving John a rough shake. "For some God-awful reason, she wants your dick in her." He hated to think about this lowlife knocking up his crush, but he would give her anything she wanted.

John tilted his head slightly, dark eyes searching the blue depths of the man before him. "You like her." He smirked, relieved that he had a chance to get out of here. "You want to be the one to slip her the hot beef injection." He pushed Peter's arms off of his shoulders, knowing that he'd struck the right chord. "Well, be my guest man." He picked up the case of beer, placing it on the counter as he wrapped his flannel around his hips.

"You're crazy right? You don't want to fuck her?" Peter asked, watching as John's hand lingered on the bottles. "You want to drink that shit, but you don't want to fuck a beautiful woman like her."

John pulled his hand back, knowing that he couldn't relapse before he'd spent his first night in the new house. "Listen man, I already have a hot chick to deflower when the time is right." He turned to the jock, smirking at the thought of he and Claire's wedding night. "But I'm not letting this region," He wave his hand in a circle over his hips and thighs, "Anywhere near Medusa."

"Really think she's that bad, huh?" Peter asked, noticing how John seemed to be crawling out of his skin with discomfort and cravings for alcohol.

John scoffed, averting his gaze from the hundreds of booze bottles around him. "To scared she'll turn it to stone." He started for the stairs, knowing that if he stayed in that room any longer he was risking giving into his demons. "Listen, if you get me to the police station, I will do anything you want. Just get me the fuck outta here."

Peter nodded, realizing for the first time just how good of a guy Bender really could be. "You don't want me to take you home?" He asked, following the smaller teen up the stairs.

John nodded, sneeking out of the basement and out of the house. "It'll be less trouble if I go to the cops to call Clarissa. She gets her panties in a knot if something stupid happens and I don't follow the rules." He climbed into Peter's truck, pressing a hand to his head as it started to pound from the blow he'd taken. "What the hell did you hit me with?" He asked, letting Peter start the vehicle and back out of the driveway.

"A rock." He stated, turning toward the police station. "I didn't think I got you as hard as I did."

John nodded, grimacing at the knowledge that the parents would make him go to the hospital. "Thanks man. This'll be the… I wanna say fifth hospital visit in as many months."

"Who says you're going to the hospital?"

John felt his muscles start to tense up, panic going through him at the possibility of another seizure. "Pull over." He ordered, unbuckling his seatbelt and waving at Peter to follow. "Okay…" he took a deep breath, clenching his fists as his brain started to become fuzzy, "if I go down, I need you to make sure I don't hit my head, or bite my tongue." He took Peter's hands and showed him exactly what to do if a seizure hit. "Just like that." He felt another twitch go through him, knowing that he should probably get a little lower to the ground incase his body wasn't just faking him out. "And whatever you do… do _not_ freak out. That only makes them worse." He knelt on the pavement, making sure that Peter was close enough to jump in if he was needed.

"What are you talking about?" Peter asked, fear rising in his chest at what John was talking about.

"If I have a seizure." He rolled onto his back, making sure that his head would be easy to grab in an emergency. "I'm not quite over them yet." He winced as the muscles in his side contracted to the point that it caused him pain. "Get your ass down here." He ordered, as the seizure took hold.

Peter, cradled John's head, praying that he was doing it right. He listened to John's grunts and groans of pain, for the first time realizing just how much he'd gone through. He'd never known how fragile the burner could be, how hard it was to recover from the drugs he'd put into his system.

John's body gave a particularly hard lurch, and like that the seizure had ended. "Fuck…" John gasped, letting his head rest in Peter's hands while he recovered. "That never gets easier." He slowly pushed himself away from the jock, knowing better than to move to fast or he risked vomiting all over the sidewalk. "Thanks man."

Peter nodded, helping him into the truck once more. "It wouldn't have been safer in the truck?" He asked, taking in the pale tone of John's skin. "I mean, it's all padded and soft."

John shook his head, pulling on his seatbelt. "Too much to hit or get tangled in." I tugged on the belt, showing how it easily wrapped around his arm. "I could break something in the seatbelt, I could break your windows, and I can even choke myself with the belt of even your varsity jacket in the back."

"Damn…" Peter turned the keys in the ignition, starting back on his route to the police station. "Don't you have meds for that?"

John shook his head, resisting the urge to sleep. "I don't need them on a regular basis anymore. They only hit if I get to worked up."

Peter pulled to a stop in the parking lot of the police station. "Are they any better?" He asked, helping John out of the vehicle and into the station.

John nodded, taking a seat in the holding area that he'd seen way too many of. "Yeah, they only last a few minutes now." He dug in his pockets for the spare change he always had on him. "They used to last longer than that." He counted up a couple dollars in quarters, before stepping over to the pay phone to call his family.

"Can I help you, young man?" Asked one of the cops working, he watched John through the bullet proof glass trying to put his finger on where he'd seen the kid before.

"Just have to call my family." He stated, leaning against the wall. "Thanks for the concern."

"You're that kid that was on the news a few months ago. The one with the-"

"Meth addiction?" John asked, hanging the phone up and placing his money back in his pocket. "It wasn't my choice to have that poison forced into me." He tilted his head, recognizing a resemblance to Jessica. "You wouldn't happen to be related to Jessica Jenkins, would you?"


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

The cop crossed his arms, looking down at the kid. "She's my niece." He raised a brow at the kid that he still believed to be a drug addict. "Are you trying to sell her something?" He asked, opening the bulletproof door.

John's lip curled, lifting his gaze to show the clearness in his eyes and prove that he was sober. "I've never been a dealer, and I'm almost four months clean." He tapped the badge on the officer's chest. "And even if I was high off my ass, I would know better than to tell a cop that I'm trying to sell drugs to his niece."

Peter stepped up to the two, afraid that John might be getting too worked up and might have another seizure. "Mr. Jenkins, I can vouge for John's sobriety, the last time he used was right before school ended in Shermer."

John whirled on the jock, anger in his movements. "I didn't use!" He shouted, tired of everyone thinking that it was his choice. "I was drugged! The media got it wrong!" He felt his stomach give a painful twist, and he started for the bathroom as fast as he could, just falling short and having to opt for the trashcan to empty his stomach into.

Peter looked up at the older man, remembering the few good rumors he'd heard about how John had gotten the meth into his system. "I think that he's telling the truth." He tried to ignore John's retching, knowing that it had to be embarrassing for him to be seen this way. "I think he can explain what happened better than I can, Sir." He prayed that John wouldn't hold a grudge about knocking him out, he really didn't want to spend any time in jail over that.

He flinched as a particularly loud noise escaped John as he emptied the last of whatever was in his stomach into the trash. "Fuck…" John gasped, gulping down air like he hadn't had a breath in days. "This is not a good night." He wiped his chin on the back of his hand, knowing that the vomiting wasn't helping his case. "Your niece, kidnapped me from a Disney Land trip with my family." He stated, clearing his throat and spitting the last of the vomit that had gotten caught in the back of his throat into the trash. "But I'm not going to say anymore until I can call my family and tell them where I am, so that they know where to come and get me."

The cop nodded, clearing the way for John to get to the phone. "Alright, but I want the full story."

John nodded, digging his change out and feeding it into the pay phone, before dialing the number for his home.

"Hello?" Clarissa answered after the first ring, and John knew she must've been waiting by the phone.

"Hey Mom." He smiled, knowing that she loved it when he called her that. "I'm at the police station in Fountain Valley."

"Are you okay?" She asked, worried that John could be hurt. She could tell that he wasn't intoxicated, his voice to strong and his words too clear, but she still knew he could be in real trouble. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"

John shook his head, rolling his eyes at her mothering. "I'm fine Mom, I just need you to come get me, so that we can work everything out with this cop."

"We'll be there in a little bit. Stay put."

"Don't bring the whole-" John was cut off by the click of her hanging up the line, grimacing at the knowledge that there would probably be over twenty people in this room in a little bit. "Oh shit."

"What?" Peter asked, watching John as his head thumped into the cinderblock wall.

"Clarissa's bringing the whole family…"

The cop looked at the young man, wondering what drug addicted blood could be coming to get him. "I would like to hear the rest of what you're blaming my niece for."

"I'm not saying shit until my family comes." John stated, turning his dark eyes on the man, knowing that they'd most likely turned from brown to black. "When they get here, then I will tell you the whole story." He looked the cop over, knowing that this guy wasn't going to believe anything he said. "And can you get someone who isn't bias toward little miss perfect for me to talk to? Cause I'm not talking to a crooked cop. Lord knows I've dealt with enough of your kind."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Clarissa was the first one into the station, sweeping John into a tight hug when she saw the boy who was like her own child. "Oh, thank God." She signed, pushing him back and taking his head in her hands to make sure he wasn't hurt. "What happened?" She pushed her fingers through his hair, feeling for any bumps from the hit he'd taken.

John dropped his head slightly, knowing that she wouldn't stop until she was positive that he was okay. "Jessica grabbed me." He stated, wincing as she pressed on a particularly sore spot on the crown of his head.

She pushed him into a chair so that she could get a better look at the bump on his head, parting his hair away from the lump. "That bitch." She growled, gently touching the little scab on his scalp. "What did she do?" She asked, taking in the raw skin on his fingers and wrists.

John looked over at the cop, taking in the notepad in his hand. "You gonna write the truth, or what your niece tells you when she gets here?" He asked, letting Amelia crawl into his lap as she got the okay to come close to him from Clarissa.

"I'll write what I hear." The cop stated, watching as John pulled the frightened child closer to himself.

John scoffed, turning back to Clarissa and the rest of the family. "I can't tell you the graphic details because someone decided to bring Squirt here." He winced as she shifted, her bedazzled shirt rubbing against his raw skin. "But Jessica tried to get in my pants, after she knocked me out, dragged me to her uncle's basement, tied me to a chair, and tried to force me to break up with my Sweets." He locked eyes with Claire, praying that she'd known the message he was trying to give her.

Claire took a seat beside him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I was wondering what you were clicking about." She smiled, knowing now that he'd been trying to use Morse Code on her. "I didn't remember that dumb code you had me look at for five seconds." She tapped on his forehead. "I don't have the same brain power as you do."

They looked up as Jessica and a girl that had to be her cousin, walked into the station, noticing the Jessica's mascara was running down her face. "Uncle Leon, he, he touched me." She sobbed, pointing to John as she collapsed into her uncle's arms. "He, he tried to make me do a line of cocaine and… and he shoved his hand into my pants."

John raised a brow, knowing damn well that was a lie. "Bullshit!" He barked, making the child in his arms jump with his tone. "You're the one that touched my balls and told me that you wanted my dick and 'fluids' in you." He stated, forgetting about being a good influence for a moment. He stood, handing Amelia over to Claire. "Listen slut. I wouldn't put my dick anywhere near your hole." He nodded to his cousin, remembering his roll in the hay with the witch. "Just because my cousin did, doesn't mean I would. And to be fair, I think he was high off his ass when he agreed to sleep with you."

Dominic's eyes widened, knowing that he had the eyes of the whole family on him. "To be fair, I was drunk off my ass, and had beer goggles on." His pointed a finger in the air, tipping it toward his cousin. "I was not high that time."

John rolled his eyes, turning back to the girl who'd assaulted him. "And I would never touch any woman without her say so." He stated, feeling Kaylie's hand on his back. "Just ask blondie over here."

Kaylie nodded, remembering how he'd rescued her. "He's saved me from being raped. That's how he got this scar." She lifted John's shirt sleeve a little, showing a scar that was several years old but had been so deep it was still purple. "He's would never touch anyone without them saying in absolute clarity that he could."

Jessica looked up at her uncle, knowing that she could make it sound like they were lying. "He didn't just touch me." She stated, pointing to the little bit of blood on John's jeans from where he'd tried to clean up his wrists. "He raped me. That's my blood on his jeans." She looked up at her uncle, tears brimming in her eyes. "He popped my cherry."

John's jaw dropped, knowing that he'd have to go to court with that statement and his only hope would be a DNA test on the blood. "I didn't rape your ass!" He stated, looking down at his jeans. "That is _my_ blood. You decided to tie me up and I cut my hands on that goddamn rope." He felt Claire beside him, knowing that the rest of them were close behind him. "If you want you can do a test on it. I swear it's mine."

Claire looked at Jessica, an idea dawning on her. "If he raped you, then did you notice the birthmark on his hip?" She asked, remembering the cute dark patch of skin from when she'd accidentally seen him in nothing but a towel.

Jessica scoffed, crossing her arms. "Of course I saw it. It looks like a heart."

Claire shook her head, lifting the hem of John's shirt to show the rabbit shape. "It's a rabbit." She stated, letting his shirt drop when she felt him tense up. "That proves it. He didn't rape her." She wrapped an arm around his waist, feeling the muscles in his back as they twitched. "John?" She felt his body tense, knowing what was coming. "Move!" She ordered, forcing John to the ground just before his seizure took hold. She took his head in her hands, making sure his jaw was shut tight. "It's okay." She whispered, knowing that John had to have had at least one other attack before this one from how tired he'd been when they arrived.

"A relapse?" The officer asked, looking to the adults in John's so called 'family.' "Is he on something right now?" He watched as the boy convulsed on the floor.

Clarissa turned her gaze on the man, knowing that he was making judgements based on the lies of the media. "He is sober." She pushed Amelia's face into her shoulder, knowing that the seizures scared the child when they were this bad. "He hasn't had anything in months. These are left over from the drug that was forced into him, they're a part of the recovery." She handed the child to her mother, knowing that she could keep the child calm better than she could. "He had enough meth in his body to kill him, I'm amazed that he's even alive." She turned back the officer, her temper flaring as she noticed the assumption was still there. "Take Amelia outside." She snapped at Mary, not wanting the child to hear what she said next. "He was drugged with that when he was protecting that little girl, from the hands of murderers." She exhaled through her nose, letting her husband take her hand as he began to speak for her.

"Officer Jenkins, I will have you know, that I'm a lawyer." He listened as John's seizure faded, knowing that the kid would be exhausted from this fit. "Now, I know that the issue of being accused of rape in itself is a serious offence." He looked down at John, praying that he could get him out of the predicament he was in. "And that he would, under normal circumstances, be required to spend time in a holding cell until farther evidence is gathered. But, seeing as how he's obviously not in a state that would be safe for him to be in said cell, I propose that we allow him to recover from this at home, with adult supervision at all times until the evidence is gathered." He looked to Jessica, raising a brow. "Including a rape kit, and DNA testing done on any sperm found." He turned back to John, knowing that he would hate the next part of this prosses. "John, will also be tested for any of Jessica's DNA on his body. We'll gather everything we need from him as soon as we get home, where he is comfortable, and ship it off to a forensics lab first thing in the morning."

John groaned, knowing that he'd have to bear his entire body to them and have to have his manhood wiped down to get the tests they needed. "Mom?" He looked up at Clarissa, his plea to not have this done to him clear in his eyes.

Clarissa knelt beside him, pulling his shoulders onto her lap, and running her fingers through his hair. "I'll be there if you need me." She stated, surprised when he nodded. "You want me to be there when they're gathering the tests?"

He hesitated for a moment, thinking a little harder about if he really wanted her to see him that way. "Yeah." He nodded, knowing that he if he could trust anyone it was her. "I want you there."

Claire smiled, pulling the key necklace from her purse. "Here." She clasped it around his neck, proving to him that he still had her heart. "I found it after Amelia came to get us."

Clarissa smiled, gently rubbing her finger over the key. "Let's get you to the hospital so we can see about that concussion." She helped him to his feet, seeming to notice Peter for the first time. "Are you the one who-"

John cut her off, knowing he had to honor the code, even if he didn't like Peter the most. "Yeah, he helped me out. He helped me get out of Officer Jenkins basement." He locked eyes with Peter, letting the jock know that he was covering for him. "He's the one who gave me a ride over here."

Peter raised his eyebrows, knowing that the burner had left out the part where Peter had been the one to knock him out. Understanding for the first time that it had been deliberate and not forgetfulness because of the seizures. He stepped after the group, leaving Mr. Standish and Jessica's uncle to work out the legal matters. "You think it's a good idea to leave that out?" He asked, whispering it into John's ear as they walked.

John smirked, tapping his forehead with a finger as he hefted Amelia out of her mother's arms. "It didn't happen if you can't remember it." He scrambled to catch Amelia as she suddenly lurched for Peter. "Shit." He hugged her closer to his body, afraid that she might blab or try to kill Peter.

"You hurt my knight!" She growled, turning her variation of a Bender glare on the jock.

John chuckled noticing how the entire group seemed to be giving Peter a glare. "I'll explain when we get to the house. But until then, quit glaring. I assure you he earned Breakfast Club status tonight." He adjusted Amelia's legs around his hips, wincing as the skin of his wrists pulled against her bright pink jeans.

Peter looked at the burner, shocked that he could really be such a good guy. "Why did you do that?"

John shrugged, letting a very tired Amelia rest against his chest. "Favor for a favor." He stated, grinning as the others finished the code.

"Eye for an eye." They chorused. "You take one, you take us all."

"What was that?" Peter asked, baffled that they could all recite something so easily.

Claire smiled, wrapping her hand around John's hips as they walked. "It's another burner code." She yawned smiling as her father finally caught up to them all. "Did you work it out?" She looked up at the man, noticing that he had a stack of papers in his hand. "Is that for John?"

He nodded, ignoring the groan from the teenagers. "Yes, it's for John." He sighed, taking Peter's place as he backed off to find his truck. "Just be glad I got him out of a holding cell."

John shook his head, holding Amelia closer as they climbed into one of the vehicles that they'd shipped ahead for when they made the move. "I can't thank you enough for that. I fucking hate those things." He placed Amelia onto the seat beside him, pulling her seatbelt over her lap as they closed the door and Thomas hopped into his BMW with Clarissa and the rest of the clan.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

John flinched as the ER doctor shined a bright light into his eyes. "Shit, can you get that any brighter?" He asked, thankful that they'd made this detour before they went home. He knew that as soon as they got home, he'd have to drop his pants and be whipped down for testing.

"Follow my finger." The doctor ordered, moving his finger in front of John's eyes. "He's got a slight concussion, just make sure he stays awake tonight and come in tomorrow for a scan." He patted John's shoulder, motioning to his hands. "Should I wrap those up for you?"

Clarissa nodded, not wanting to see his painful hands any longer. "Take care of everything." She smiled as Claire walked in with a small bottle of mouthwash. "What's that for?" She chuckled, watching her daughter pour some into a plastic cup and lift it to John's lips.

"He told me he threw up and I don't wanna kiss him with puke breath." She held the cup out for John to spit into when he was ready. "Plus, Medusa made him kiss her again."

John nodded, swishing the liquid around in his mouth for a few more seconds before spitting into the cup. "I had to puke to get the taste out of my mouth." He chuckled, barely masking his fear of what would happen when they got back to the house.

Clarissa didn't miss the fear behind his eyes, the green flecks becoming more noticeable in the sea of brown. "John, I'll be right there." She smiled as the doctor finished off the wrappings on John's hands. "How much do we own you?" She asked, pulling out her checkbook and insurance card.

"You can pay up front." He smiled, moving on to his next patient.

Claire took his hand in hers, happy that it was only her mom and them in the room. "I'm glad you're okay." She sighed, walking with him back to the cars as her mother payed the bill.

John chuckled, twirling her toward him, pulling her body against his as he leaned down to kiss her. "Me too." He smiled, pulling out of the almost kiss when Clarissa tugged on his hair. "Mom, what the hell?"

Clarissa pulled them toward the cars. "You two can't kiss just yet, we need to get all the DNA first."

John rolled his eyes, knowing that the vomit and mouthwash had to have washed always all evidence of her lips on his. "You do realize I puked my guts out, and then just used a whole glass of mouthwash, right?" He asked, looping his arm around Claire's waist.

"I know, but I want to be safe." She turned to look at the teens, sighing at the thought of what John would have to go through to get this done. "Baby, I know you're scared, and that a kiss from Claire Bear would make it better, but I promise that as soon as this is done you two can kiss and hug as much as you want. We just need to get the DNA wipe and then you two are free to do whatever you want as long as it doesn't involve being behind closed doors."

John rolled his eyes, slipping into his seat in the Standish's BMW beside Claire. "Please, we could have had six kids by now with how surveillant you two are."

Claire slapped his shoulder, giggling at his reaction of shock more than hurt. "I could not have gotten pregnant that many times. And besides, I've never even seen you below the hips."

Thomas started the car, tossing a handful of pens into the back seat. "I don't need to know what you two have and haven't done." He looked at John, pointing at the boy. "And I still need to talk to you when we get home."

John looked between Thomas and the girls in the car. "What did I do?" He asked, wondering if he'd somehow broken a rule by keeping it in his pants around perfect Claire. "I swear, Dad, I've been good. I was joking about me and Claire doing it, we're still-"

"Shut up." Thomas shuddered at the knowledge of what was about to come out of John's mouth. "I don't want to hear about what you have or haven't done to my daughter."

"-Pure as the driven snow." John smirked, knowing that Thomas was praying for that answer. "Dad, we haven't done anything."

Claire nodded, attempting to hide her flushed cheeks. "He's telling the truth, Daddy."

"I haven't even seen what her bra looks like." John let his gaze drop to Claire's breasts, knowing that Thomas wouldn't see in the dark.

"Keep it that way." Thomas grunted, watching for the Johnson's new minivan to follow them onto the freeway. "And stop talking about having relations with my daughter."

John chuckled, popping his finger against the inside corner of his lips making that little champagne cork pop sound, only to have Claire try to smother him with a travel pillow they kept in the vehicle. "Hey!" He shouted, knowing that he could play a wild card on her. "Watch it, I already had two seizures tonight. I don't need a third."

Claire rolled her eyes, covering his face with her hand. "You are an idiot." She sighed, leaning against his shoulder as she started to grow tired.

John rubbed his tongue on the inside of his cheek, happy that Claire still loved his sorry ass. "I'm your idiot." He smiled, watching as the lights of Fountain Valley turn into Huntington Beach.

Claire snuggled up to him, catching a whiff of alcohol in his shirt. "You didn't drink, did you?" She asked, turning her eyes up to him.

"I'm sober as the day I was born." He smiled, kissing her head knowing for a fact that when he was born he'd been as sober as he'd ever been in his life. "Not a single drop touched my lips."

She nodded, knowing that he would never lie to her. "Good."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

John looked around at his family, wondering what they were pulling into another parking lot for. "What're we doing here?" He asked, noticing how the Johnson's vehicle continued on to the house.

Clarissa opened his door, taking his hand as he got out of the car. "This is where we have to get the test done." She cast a glance over her shoulder at her husband and daughter. "Do you want Thomas to come too?" She asked, knowing that Claire was out of the question.

John shook his head, dropping his gaze to the pavement. "Just you."

She nodded, squeezing his hand to let him know she understood. "Okay."

Thomas wrapped an arm around his daughter, knowing that talking to John might not get him anywhere at the moment. "Do you know anything about John's sexual past?" He asked, knowing that this conversation would be awkward for them both.

Claire looked up at her dad. "He's a virgin." She stated, knowing that he was going to be curious about her knowledge of John's birthmark. "The only reason I know about his birthmark is because he forgot his clothes when he took a shower, and I caught him walking back to his room in a towel."

Thomas nodded, watching as John took a seat in the waiting room and immediately started fidgeting. "John, relax." He sat in the chair next to the boy, reaching out to give him an encouraging pat on the back. He stopped when John shied away, knowing that he was already freaked out about the test. "Don't worry, you're innocent. They're not going to find anything on you." He smiled, looking up as Clarissa started filling out a bunch of paperwork for him.

"What year were you born?" She asked, having trouble recalling the year. "December twentieth of what?"

"Sixty-six." John stated, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Nineteen-sixty-six."

Clarissa nodded, jotting down his date of birth. "Do you know what hospital you were born at?"

John shook his head. "I wasn't born at a hospital." He answered. "My mom had me at my grandma's house when my dad kicked her out."

She scribbled down the word 'homebirth' under place of birth, pausing when she realized that his grandmother could have lived in another town. "What city does your grandma live in?"

John dug his nails into his palms, knowing that they had to know these things. "She lived in Joliet, before she died when I was two." He swallowed the lump in his throat, the fuzzy memory of her kind face swimming into view. "She was the only one who gave a damn about me."

"Johnathan?" Called a woman in a white lab coat, smiling sweetly as John and Clarissa stood. "I see we're doing a DNA test tonight?" She looked between them, knowing better than to speak of what they were really here for.

John nodded, feeling Clarissa press a hand to his back. "Are you the one doing it?" He asked, knowing that a woman would be more gentle than a man would, but also knowing that a man would be less embarrassing to bear himself too.

The woman opened a door for him to go into, placing the clipboard she'd been holding onto the counter. "I'm afraid so baby." She motioned to his pants and shirt, knowing that the poor kid didn't want to do it. "I'm gonna need you to strip down for me." She pulled out a sterile wipe package, pulling on a pair of latex gloves.

John looked over at Clarissa, giving one last plea to not let them do this, before dropping his pants. He pushed himself onto the exam table, averting his gaze from Clarissa as the woman gently ran the wipe over his length. "I didn't do it." He stated, his voice choked with humiliation of what was being done to him.

Clarissa nodded, rubbing a hand on his back as the doctor scrubbed between his thighs. "I know honey." She felt him jump when the woman accidentally got too rough with her job. She shushed him, pulling his face into her shoulder as silent tears rolled down his cheeks. "It's okay." She whispered, watching as the doctor dropped the sample into a plastic bag to be tested in the morning. "We're almost done."

The woman nodded, opening a bloodwork kit. "Just need to get a little blood and this will all be over sweetheart." She flinched back when John jerked away from her, tucking his arms between he and Clarissa's bodies. "Sweetie, I need you to let me do this." She soothed, rubbing a hand against his back.

Clarissa draped her jacket over his lap, knowing that the longer he felt exposed the harder it would be to get him to cooperate with them. "Johnny, we need to do this." She pressed her lips against his head, knowing that she was the closest thing to a mother he'd ever had. "Come on baby, we need you to give us some blood."

John shook his head, burying himself deeper into Clarissa's body. "I'm not giving Vampires anything." He whimpered, his fingers gripping at her blouse.

The women smiled at each other, knowing that they shouldn't find humor in John's trauma. "Well, I guess we wait for him to calm down then." The doctor sighed, knowing that the visit had freaked him out. It would have scared anyone, having a stranger touch those parts of your body, especially when you were seventeen.

Clarissa gave her an apologetic look, feeling John hiccup as more tears soaked into her shirt. "I'm sorry."

The woman shook her head, looking at the young man before her. "I understand what he's feeling. We get a lot of teens in here that have reactions like this, it's hard for them to let us do these things. Especially if they've ever been sexually or otherwise abused." She nodded to the scars lacing over John's legs, having put the pieces together. "Is he a foster child?" She asked, knowing that Clarissa was far to kind to have caused this boy the amount of pain he'd felt.

Clarissa nodded, running her fingers through the back of John's hair. "He is. But he's also my future son-in-law." She smiled as she felt John's muscles relax a little, knowing that he was thinking about Claire. "My daughter loves him, and her father and I both approve of him." She rubbed her hand over his shoulders, feeling him slowly start to relax against her. "I'm sorry, I'm Clarissa." She smiled, holding her hand out to the doctor.

"Hanna." She chuckled, grinning as John finally let his arm slip out from between he and Clarissa's bodies. "You gonna let me do this?" She asked, taking John's wrist in her hand as she started to search for a vein.

He gave a short nod, giving her the signal to start poking his arm to find the perfect spot for the needle to go in.

She lined the needle up, starting a count to let John know when it was coming. "One, two, three." She raised her brows when John didn't even flinch, shocked that he didn't seem to feel it after the way he'd reacted to seeing the needle. "Well, that was easier than I expected." She stated, filling up the second of three vials to ship off to the lab. "Almost done." She closed the connection point and switched out the vials, replacing the full one with the empty. "Just have one more."

John curled closer to Clarissa as the needle shifted in his vein, causing him discomfort as his blood flowed through the needle and into the vial. "Ow." He whimpered, feeling Hanna place pressure on his arm with a cotton ball just before pulling the needle out.

"I'm sorry babe." She sighed, placing a band aid over the cotton ball to hold it in place. "We're done now."

Clarissa let him pull away from her, watching as he pulled his pants back up and fastened his new belt. "How about I make you some cookies when we get home?" She asked, hoping to somehow make the traumatic night better for him. "I can make your favorite; snickerdoodle."

John nodded, starting back toward the waiting room without another word.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

John ignored the family that tried to comfort him when he walked into the house, starting straight for the upstairs bathroom. "I'm taking a shower." He grunted, leaving them all in his wake as he pulled his shirt over his head, in a hurry to scrub his body clean of Jessica's touch as soon as possible. He slammed the door, making sure to lock it before taking his pants and boxers off. He turned on the water for the shower, making sure it was hot enough to burn any trace of her from his skin. He turned his face to the water, letting it cause him the pain he needed to forget about what had happened for a moment. He slammed his hands against the tile around the tub, wincing as the force pulled at his bandaged hands.

He let his legs give out from under him, collapsing onto the plastic floor of the tub, a scream of frustration ripping his throat raw. He couldn't control it anymore. He couldn't control the rage inside of him. He'd been fine through all the court cases, the withdrawals of all he'd been put through, the letters that his mother had written to him over the past few months. He'd taken all of it in stride, pushing his own anger and discomfort down, until he couldn't take it anymore. He'd been the strong one for the clan for as long as he could remember. He'd always put himself in death's path to take care of his friends and those he cared about, and he'd never cared what happened to him because… well, it didn't affect anyone else, right?

He screamed again, knowing that he wasn't doing anything but harming his vocal chords. "FUCK!" He cried, ignoring the knocks on the bathroom door. "Fuck." He hissed, his tears mixing with the water of his shower on his face.

Clarissa opened the door, taking Kaylie for picking the lock before closing it again. "John?" She took a seat on the toilet lid, waiting for him to come to her if he chose to. "You okay?"

John curled farther in on himself, locking his hands over the back of his head. "Go away." He croaked, digging his nails into his neck and watching as the water started to run pink with the small amount of his blood mixing with it.

Clarissa pulled a towel out of the cabinet, folding it over her lap as she waited for him to calm the storm in his head. "John." She tried again, listening as his cries seemed to fade. "We love you." She stated, knowing that nothing she said could make him magically become a healed perfect child. "And we always will, no matter what happens."

John wiped his hair back, feeling how it was almost as long as Andy's. "Mom." He breathed, taking some bodywash and scrubbing it over his body until it felt like his skin would go raw. "I'm scared." He stated, hating to admit it. "I've never been this far from home, I've never had something this good to lose…" He reached for his towel, grabbing the one that Clarissa tossed at his hand. "You guys are the best thing that ever happened to me, and if I fuck this up-"

Clarissa waited for him to pull the curtain back, before standing to offer him a hug. "You are not going to mess up." She stated, picking up a small hand towel from the rack and rubbing it over his soaked hair. "The only thing you're doing right now, is scaring everyone." She adjusted his necklace, pushing the key into his chest. "Claire gave you this to prove her love for you. She wouldn't do that if she thought you were going to mess everything up."

John leaned his head against her shoulder, exhausted both mentally and physically. He needed a mother's touch in that moment, needed to know that everything would be okay. "I want to sleep." He mumbled, feeling the small woman rub her hands over his back. "I'm so tired."

She nodded, wishing that she could let him sleep. "I know baby, but you can't sleep tonight." She opened the bathroom door, guiding him to his room and pulling out some pajama pants and underwear for him. "That hit to the head made sure of that."

John rolled into the pillows on his bed, catching the scent of Claire in them. "But why?" He moaned, feeling Clarissa adjust the towel over his hips.

"Because you could slip into a coma." She sighed, taking a seat beside him on the bed. "And if that happens, you won't get to graduate until you wake up."

John groaned, forcing himself to sit up and pull his pants and underwear on. "Why does bad luck follow me?" He asked, looking up as his door cracked open to reveal a sleepy Amelia in with Claire right beside her. "Hey Squirt." He smiled, picking the child up and placing her in his lap. "What're you doing up?" He asked, noticing that Claire had his dirty clothes in her hand.

Amelia rested her head against his chest, giving a tired shrug as she was too tired to form words.

Claire looked to her mother, holding up John's clothes. "What should I do with these?" She asked, stepping toward her boyfriend and rubbing a hand over his shoulders.

Clarissa sighed, looking at the bloody shirt and pants. "Put them in a Walmart bag, we'll take them to the lab in the morning." She turned to John, noticing that his eyes were closed as he rested his chin against Amelia's head. "John, wake up baby." She nudged his shoulder, chuckling at his reaction.

"No." He stated, collapsing back into the pillows with Amelia still held in his arms. "And just so you know, I mean that in the Spanish language and not English."

Claire shook her head, running her fingers through his hair. "It's the same word dummy." She smiled, poking his cheek with her nails to get him to stay awake. "Wake up."

He shook his head, pulling a corner of Amelia's blanket onto his side in defiance. "Let me sleep."

Clarissa rolled her eyes, looking up as Thomas walked into the room, a large book in his hand with the paperwork piled on top of it. "John, come on son, we need to get this done." He pulled John up, being careful not to disturb Amelia as he did so.

John leaned against Clarissa's shoulder, feeling Claire at his back as Thomas pulled up a chair to sit in. "What do you need?" He asked, praying that they didn't need anything that he didn't know.

Thomas looked down at the paper, reading the first question. "Do you remember what your grandmother's address was when you were born?" He asked, glancing up at the child.

John shook his head. "You'd have to ask my mom about that." He looked around at his family, knowing that she might not remember either. "But she might have fried her brain too much to remember."

Clarissa nodded, taking a blank piece of paper from her husband and a pencil. "We'll have to take the chance." She started scribbling down the question that they needed answered, adding to it as they continued through the list of questions that John didn't have an answer to. "I hope she can remember all of this."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Jim opened the door to the house, walking inside with his arms full of mail. "John's results are here!" He called, sorting the mail into piles by recipient. "And a letter from his mom!"

Clarissa yawned, taking a drink of her coffee as she stepped into the sitting room. "Good, maybe this will help us clear things up." She took the letter from Jim, opening the top and slipping the paper out of the envelope.

 _Dear Mrs. Standish, I received your letter regarding Johnny's birthplace and the events after his birth. I suppose I should start with how he came to be._

 _I was nineteen when I met John's father, I thought it was love at first sight, but after we got married, he was in a car accident that killed his best friend and injured both he and his brother to the point of mental issues that were never diagnosed. This accident changed him, he became distant and cold, until eventually I began looking for the love I wanted in other men. I'm sure John has told you about his father's doubts of his parentage, and I can assure you that John is his father's child._

 _I don't remember much of the night I became pregnant with him, that was the first night I'd taken a drink, but I do remember John's father hitting me until I was no longer able to fight back and he forced himself onto me, sadly John was conceived out of pain instead of love. John's father didn't know about my pregnancy until I was almost six months along, and once I began to show, he kicked me out of our house saying that it was my fault and that he didn't want the bastard child I was carrying. I spent the first night at my sister's house, and she drove me to our mother's the next morning after Jacob had called her saying that he would murder both me and the child if we were there when he showed up._

 _John was born early because I continued to drink for the first half of my pregnancy, resulting in him being underweight at birth. I gave birth to him locked in the bathroom of my mother's apartment, shooting myself full of any drug I could find to help the pain. John was born so blue that I thought for sure he was dead, and I regret to admit that I was relieved with that thought. I didn't want to return to my husband with a child, I was too afraid that he would be hurt like I was, but after John took his first weak breath, I knew that he would be a fighter. I can't recall my mother's address at the time, I only got to visit her a few times after John was born before she passed._

 _I remember John being six when his father first hit him, and I remember the heartbreak I felt for my child like it was yesterday. John was so battered that he couldn't even cry out from his pain. Believe me when I tell you that I did try to stop Jacob from hurting my baby, but he wouldn't have it, he defiled me in front of Johnny before locking me in the closet while he continued to beat my child. I became pregnant again after that, but I made sure that this baby would never feel the pain that John and I did. I went to an abortion clinic thinking that it was the best option for us, but now I regret every second of the prosses, I should have taken John and fled to a safe place for us._

 _John never knew of my pregnancy, and I pray you will keep my secret from him. I didn't want to scar him worse than he already had been by his father._

 _I'm not sure about John's entire drinking and drugging past. I know that he smoked a little weed here and there, and I also know that he had his first drink at age eight, but other than that I don't know what he did. I don't know anything about his sexual history either, I do know that he's had a few girlfriends over the years but I don't know anything else._

 _Please tell John that I'm sorry, and I wish I could have been braver for him. Sincerely, Beverly Jane Bender._

Clarissa wiped her eyes, folding the letter in her lap as she dropped her head into her hands.

"Mom?" John's voice asked, concern think in his tone. "What's wrong?"

Clarissa looked up at the young man, reaching her arms out to him and pulling him close as he sat beside her. "I love you." She hiccupped, feeling him return her hug. "You are so strong." She pushed her fingers into his hair, looking into his eyes. "I am so proud of the man you are."

John reached for the letter, wondering what it had said that made her react this way.

She pushed his hand away, knowing that he could never read what was written there. "No." She stated, not missing the hurt in his eyes. "Your mother asked to keep it between us, and despite what she did, I must respect her wishes."

John nodded, standing to go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. "I get it." He sighed. "She doesn't want me to know about my sibling." He'd never let his mother know he new about the pregnancy, never told her that he'd found the test in the trash when he was looking for food. "I knew about it all along, but it doesn't matter now." He pushed passed Claire on his way out of the room, craving a good stiff drink but knowing he would settle for black coffee.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Claire followed her mother into the dining room for breakfast, noticing that John didn't have a plate of food in front of him, but instead had a mug of steaming coffee that was the same color as his eyes. She slid into the chair beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Is your stomach upset?" She asked, having heard him throwing up in the middle of the night when he thought everyone was asleep.

He shook his head, taking a sip of his coffee. "Beverly's letter came today." He stated, staring off into space as the family continued their meal.

Claire nodded, knowing now why he had pushed past her in the living room. "I see." She moved away from him, knowing that the last thing he wanted was to be touched. She'd learned that the letters were something he despised, he usually didn't even open them, but he never threw them out either. She knew that he didn't eat when he was upset, instead he would sip on coffee for his breakfast, too afraid that if he ate it would come back up.

Clarissa had tried to coax him to eat crackers to settle his stomach, but he'd always refused anything that the mothers tried to get into him. He'd hardly eaten anything in the last three days, instead choosing to hide in his room and play his guitar until his already raw fingers bled.

Claire glanced at his hands, noticing the blood-soaked bandages on his fingers. She knew he felt guilty about letting the woman who'd taken the DNA test touch him where she had, knowing that he felt like he was unclean and that he'd ruined how special their wedding night would be.

"Stop staring." He hissed, knowing that the family was trying to keep an eye on him. He could sense their little glances at him as they ate, feeling the concern in the room.

Clarissa sighed, setting her fork down as she looked at the boy. "We're just-"

"I don't fucking care." He growled, his knuckles going white as he gripped his coffee mug. "I don't want you to stare at me."

Amelia dropped her gaze into her lap, shaking from the odd turn John's temper had taken over the past few days. She pulled on the cut sleeve of gigantic red flannel that she'd stolen from John's room and had been using as her nightgown. She could hear an odd edge to John's voice, and it scared her because he'd never sounded like that before. "Can I be excused?" She asked, looking up at her mother, her fear clear in her eyes.

Mary nodded, praying that John's attitude would change after the court day was over. "Go ahead." She returned to her breakfast as her youngest slipped off of her chair, and padded up the stairs to her room. She looked up at John, knowing that he didn't understand how much he was hurting the child. "Johnathan," she started, waiting for him to look at her before continuing, "do you remember when your parents would shout at each other?"

He nodded, remembering that the shouting was always followed by pain. "Yes."

"Do you remember being afraid-"

"I was afraid because it always ended in me being hurt, or seeing my old man rape my mother." He shuddered at the thought of his father forcing his mother to take him. He could still hear his mother's screams of pain and see her feeble attempts to escape from his father's torture.

Mary sighed, still trying to get her point across. "I don't think you understand this, but you're scaring Amelia. She doesn't know why you've been acting the way you are, all she knows is that you're angry and she might think that you're angry at her." She reached a hand out as John started to stand, pressing it to his arm. "She doesn't understand what you're feeling. And since she sees you as a hero, she's afraid that something bad is happening."

John turned his pitch-black glare on her. "Something bad is happening." He growled, pushing her hand away from him. "I was almost raped by a woman, and I might be the one to go to prison for it." He pushed himself away from the table, taking his coffee with him as he left the room, the backdoor slamming as he walked outside to the porch and into the comfortable warmth of late summer.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

John leaned his forearms against the railing, watching as the sun shone on the waves of the ocean. He took a deep breath through his nose, taking in the tang of salt water mixed with the scent of his coffee. He tilted the mug to his lips, sipping on the hot beverage.

He heard the door open and close, choosing to ignore the woman behind him as she stepped toward his back. "John…" Claire whispered, seeing the tension in every muscle in his bare back. She watched as his scars rippled with the strong muscles beneath them. "Are you okay?"

He looked over his shoulder at the redhead, tracing the scar from the incision of his lifesaving lung surgery. He remembered the burn of his blood filling his lung, the fire of it when he'd started coughing it up onto Claire's bedding. "No." He grunted, turning back to the view of the ocean.

She nodded, stepping to the railing beside him. "Do you wanna talk?" She asked, watching how he downed the burning hot coffee like it was ice cold. She knew that he'd felt the burn of smoke and strong alcohol on his throat since a young age, but she still couldn't believe that he could drink hot drinks without even flinching.

He shrugged, tracing his fingers over the writing printed on his mug. "I can't go to prison." He started, lowering his head between his hunched shoulders. "I could hardly handle the two nights I was in a holding cell." He remembered how he'd learned to sleep with his back to the wall, afraid that he might be the next one to be roughed up. "The people in there…" He hated to think of what he might see in prison, hating to think of spending years locked away from Claire. "I can't even think about it." He could feel her gaze on him, but refused to look at her.

She looked at the key around his neck, smiling at the fact that he hadn't taken it off since the incident with Medusa. She traced her nails over the lines in her palm, wishing that John would let her touch him. "You won't go to prison. Daddy will make sure of that."

He took another swig of his coffee, wishing that it was tequila or vodka rather than the morning beverage. "I'm scared, Claire."

She nodded, knowing that he only used her real name when he was trying to hold himself together. She stretched her hand out to him, offering him the chance to use her as an escape if he needed it. "I know."

John lifted his head, taking her hand in his. He pulled her hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles. "I don't want to lose you." He whispered, letting her wrap him in a hug.

She turned her face up to him, taking in the little bit of morning scruff on his chin, and feeling his body against hers still warm from his bed. "You won't lose me." She smiled, kissing his neck like she had in the supply closet. "I love you too much." She felt him shift, her heart jumping when he leaned his head down to kiss her lips. She rested her hands around his waist, noticing that she could barely feel the sharp bones of his hips under his slowly growing weight. He'd gained more muscle than fat, the hours he spent each day in the garage beating his fists into his heavy bag and lifting her father's weight sets showing in his build. She was happy that he had such a good body and cared enough to keep up his workouts even when he was physically exhausted from the stress he felt every day, but she feared that he was taking the workouts too far and not keeping a healthy fat percentage on him with how little he'd been eating. Of course, it didn't help that Ryan had forced him to cut back on carbs and sugar because he was so close to being diabetic. She knew that if he could eat more of those he would be gaining weight faster, but she also knew that if he ate too much he would be forced to take insulin to survive.

She parted her lips slightly, feeling his tongue slide against them and into her mouth. She could taste the coffee he'd been drinking, mixing with his natural flavor.

He pulled her closer to him, feeling the curve of her braless chest against his body. He retracted his tongue letting Claire into his own mouth to let her feel like his equal. He felt her push deep into his mouth, her tongue nearly choking him. Pleasure shot through him as he felt her nails dig into his back, just above the waistband of his sweatpants. Her fingers pressed to the jagged scar along the back of his hips, where his father had pushed him into a broken window and bent him backwards over the sharp edge of the glass. He pressed himself against her, feeling her back touch the railing of the porch. He felt her moan into his mouth, feeling his own stress melting away with her love. He pulled back, resting his forehead against hers as they both struggled to catch their breath. "I love you. More than I can say."

She smiled, letting herself lean into his chest, listening to his strong heart deep in his chest. "I love you too. I just wish you would believe me."

He sighed, knowing that she could never understand. "It's hard when you've never felt love before." He met her gaze, feeling her press her hand to his jaw. "But I'm trying."

She nodded, brushing her thumb over the diamond earring in his piercing. "I know."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One**

John finished his coffee, leaving the mug in the sink before starting up the stairs to Amelia's bedroom. He knocked on the door, listening as the little girl cried inside of the room. "Hey, Squirt?" He started, waiting for her to let him inside, knowing what it was like to not have any privacy and how that felt. "Can we talk?"

"Go away!" She cried, her words breaking John's heart clean in two.

John lowered himself to the floor, leaning his back against the doorframe as he let his own tears roll silently down his cheeks. He took a deep breath, letting his chest swell with air. "You know, when I was your age, I was scared all the time." He remembered fearing his father's temper, taking his chances with the gangs on the streets to avoid his old man, when he was only seven. "My Dad was always in a bad mood, and I guess I'm a little like him when I get mad."

He heard the doorknob jiggle, looking up to see the little girl wiping tears from her eyes. "Why were you mad?" She asked, cautiously stepping closer to the man on the floor.

John knew better than to touch her, remembering how he'd been petrified at human contact when he was a little kid. "I wasn't really mad… it was more of a temper tantum." He smiled as the child inched closer, knowing that he was on the right track. "You know what those are right?"

She nodded, hugging her stuffed bear close to her chest, and John noticed for the first time that she was wearing his old ratty flannel that he'd torn the sleeves off of in a fit of rage. "I get those sometimes when I'm tired, Mommy and Daddy tell me to take a nap when I get grumpy and yell."

John nodded, tugging on the frayed sleeve of his stolen shirt. "See, that's what I had." He smiled as she sat on the floor beside him, resting her head on his bare chest. "I got crabby because I was tired, and that was my way of putting myself in timeout." He ran his fingers through her hair, gently untangling the curly locks with his fingers. "I just needed time to be by myself and make myself think about what I did." He felt her little arm rub against the slightly irritated incision scar on his chest, wishing that it would finish healing so that he could wear shirts and let people touch him there without itchy burn that had plagued him since Claire had rushed him to the hospital that Monday morning. "I didn't mean to scare you, Kid."

She nodded, listening to his heart beat in his chest, remembering how it had stayed steady all through the night she'd been kidnapped, even though he'd been just as afraid as her. That was the only time she'd seen him scared, and she'd known he was scared because he'd actually tackled her brother when John had deemed him too close for comfort. "Are you scared right now?" She asked, her heart jumping into her throat as she felt his chest give a violent twitch.

He was silent for a moment, waiting to see if a seizure was going to take over, heaving a breath when he knew his body was faking him out. "I am." He sighed, hugging her closer to his side. "I'm scared that I won't be able to protect you, if some people decide to take me away in a few days."

"Why would they take you away?" She looked up at the man, noticing how his eyes were slightly more yellow from whatever emotion he was feeling. "Do they want you to live with another family?"

John chuckled, shaking his head. "No. They don't want me to live with another family." He sighed, knowing that he'd dug himself a hole he couldn't get out of. "They think that I did some very bad things, that I didn't do."

She tugged on her teddy's ear, thinking about how he always helped her feel better when she was scared. "Do you wanna borrow Teddy?" She smiled at the bear. "He always makes me feel better."

He laughed, lifting the kid into his lap. "How about we make an agreement?" He pointed to the bear. "I borrow Ted when I'm scared, and when you get scared or have a bad dream, you can sleep in my bed." He smirked, picking the child up with him as he stood. "Sound like a deal?"

She nodded, pulling on the key around his neck. "Deal."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

Claire held John's hand as they walked through the mall, happy that he'd decided to come with her to help her pick out some new clothes for school next month. She could feel his muscles tense every time an older man walked passed them, knowing that he was reminded of his days in the hood with his parents. "Would you relax?" She asked, stopping beside the dress wrack in Contempo Casuals. "You're so jumpy today."

He leaned against the wall beside them, tucking his hands in his pockets. "Claire, I'm not wearing sleeves." He stated, moving his bare arms to show the ropes of pale scar tissue. "You know how I get when I try to humor you with this."

Claire sighed, standing on her tip toes to press a kiss to his lips. "I like you better when you don't hide." She whispered, letting him kiss her again.

His movements were slow at first, but eventually turned to a pace that showed how hungry he was for her. He slipped his fingers under the back of her blouse, tracing little circles on her skin. "I fucking love you." He gasped, feeling her pull him into another kiss.

"Hold me." She breathed just before his lips touched hers, moaning as she felt his body press her into the wall at her back.

They were so immersed in their love that they didn't notice the camera flash go off, continuing to show their passion for each other.

John chuckled as they walked into the house, placing Claire's bags on the table before turning and almost walking flat into Thomas. "Holy shit!" He exclaimed, pressing a hand to his heart to try and slow it's racing beat. "Dad, you gotta warn me when you're that close."

Thomas held up a polaroid photo, showing John the image of he and Claire in the store. "Care to explain?" He asked, his dad instincts kicking in with concern for his daughter.

John looked at the photo, puzzled as to how Thomas had gotten a picture of he and Claire kissing. "I have no idea."

Thomas snatched the photo away from John, pointing a finger in his face. "Did you sleep with her?" He asked, his temper slowly building as he watched the kid start to squirm under his gaze.

John's temper didn't slowly build, instead it erupted like Yellowstone Park would if it ever decided to. "I wouldn't risk ruining our white wedding." He growled, trying to hold his temper down. "Claire hasn't even seen me naked."

Thomas cocked a brow, trying to see if the kid was telling the truth. "How does she know about your birthmark then?"

John glared down at the slightly shorter man, knowing that if he stayed in the house much longer something bad would happen. "I forgot my clothes when I took a shower!" He stated, his tone rising at the doubt in his father-figures eyes. "If you don't believe me ask your daughter, but I'm not sticking around to be called a liar when I'm not." He pushed passed the man, slamming the front door on his way out.

Claire ran after him, barely reaching the door when Vernon pulled her back. "Let me go!" She cried, tears pricking her eyes as she watched her boyfriend's figure walk away.

Vernon shook his head, holding her so that she couldn't run to the volatile boy. "He needs space." He stated, letting the other adults help him restrain the struggling girl in his arms. "He'll come back when he's ready."

Clarissa wiped her daughter's tears from her cheeks, feeling Dominic at her back. "It's not safe to go to him right now. You need to let him cool down."

Dominic nodded, knowing that John was the more hotheaded one of them. "He'll come back, he always does." He remembered how many times John had disappeared, sometimes for days at a time, always showing up after he'd had time to think and take his anger out on something. He chose not to remember the times he'd found John halfway to an over dose, and how he'd been forced to dunk his half-dead body into the river and force him to throw up to help clear his system of the drugs. "He'll be back soon."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

John leaned against the wall outside the broken down Seven Eleven, blowing a cloud of smoke from his lungs. He knew he shouldn't have bought the pack of Marlboros, knew that Clarissa and the other members of the family would smell it on him like a bloodhound on the trail of a runaway, but he couldn't ignore the nagging voice in his head that had been telling him he needed a smoke.

He took another long drag from the half-burned cigarette, knocking the ash off of the end with the skill of an old man who'd been smoking his whole life. He let his body absorb the nicotine before blowing the smoke out.

He'd thought about getting rid of his fake ID, but was happy that he'd kept it now. He checked his watch, noticing that it was almost seven o'clock, the sun just starting to set. He stubbed out the butt of the cigarette on the sole of his boot, dropping the orange filter onto the sidewalk before continuing on through the worst part of town he could find.

He made sure to hide his limp as he walked, remembering how if the gangs saw a weakness they'd take full advantage of it. Instead he relied on his broad shoulders and Bender scowl to scare them off, happy that he'd gotten a large bone structure from his father and his sharp cutting gaze from both of his parents. He'd been born with his mother's eyes, the same chocolate brown and the same long dark lashes lining them, but he'd learned the ability to use his father's stare to strike terror into his opponents' hearts. He looked up as he noticed an old diner, his stomach giving a hungry growl for the first time in what felt like years.

He walked inside, taking a deep breath of the smell of burgers on the grill. He nodded at the young woman who greeted him, forcing a smile onto his face.

She gave him a dazzling smile, picking up a menu from the stack on the counter as he took a seat. "What can I get you?" She asked, forcing herself to ignore his scarred arms.

He looked up at the blonde, reading the name on the tag pinned to her uniform. "I'll take a black coffee." He stated, hoping that it hadn't been sitting on the burner all day. "And… can I get an order of eggs and toast, over easy?" He smiled as she set the mug down in front of him, picking up the sugar container and dumping enough into the beverage to give Amelia diabetes let alone him. "Thank you, Annie."

She furrowed her brow at the young man, noticing that under his mature features there was something about him that made him look like a child. "How old are you, Sweetie?" She asked, taking the menu from him as she placed his order in the window to the kitchen.

John took a swig of his coffee, coughing slightly as it burned his already raw throat from the smoke. "Seventeen." He ran his finger through the few granules of sugar on the counter, avoiding the knowing look she gave him when she caught a whiff of the smoke that crowded around him.

She nodded, turning to pick up his order from the window and placing the plate in front of him. "What's a sweet kid like you doing around here?" She asked, knowing that this wasn't the sort of place anyone would go willingly.

He spread a pad of butter over his toast, looking up at the woman. "My folks got a little pissed off at me, so I thought I'd take a walk for a while." He took a bite of his eggs, scooping them onto his toast. "Figured that a twenty-four-hour diner was a good place to hangout for a while."

She tilted her head, dropping her gaze to his scars. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked, watching as he nodded.

"My folks aren't actually my parents, they're my foster family." He swallowed his food, running his hand over his arm self-consciously. "My parents are in prison for this."

She nodded, relieved that he wasn't being hurt at home. She'd seen far too many kids pass from abuse when she was a nurse in the ER. "I'm glad you're okay."

John nodded, pulling a small book from the waistband of his jeans and a pencil from his shirt pocket. "I am too." He started scribbling in the book, letting Annie go back to work as he started to entertain himself with his words.

The Dark Road

I used to live down  
that dark street where  
all the monsters dwelled -  
then I began to break free

One monster, attractive on the  
outside, spread her poison and  
now my quest to spend my life  
side by side with my princess,

Is in jeopardy and may end before  
it begins. She's my yesterday, my today and  
my tomorrow. She's my center and compass,  
without her, I'm adrift in the sea of life

The dark road is long and the  
monsters are many. They still  
appear in my dreams and  
I have to be ready.

I'm both the gate and a line  
of defense, if I fall, much is  
lost. Like Atlas, I carry the  
weight of the world.

As I walk out that door, the black  
specter of anger and guilt stretches  
out to me from down that dark  
road like wicked claws.

I see long years without her  
I feel dirty, damaged and cursed  
I smell the cloud of tragedy on my skin  
And I often hear the voice of doom

My hopes and dreams are anchored to my  
princess, she holds the key to my heart.  
From that first day, there was a spark.  
When my anger fades, so will my walls.

Whispers from dark places, make loved ones  
doubt and call me a liar. Despite my fear I run  
down that dark road facing my demons, trying  
to quench my anger at the world, why can't I be happy?

He chewed on the end of his pencil, looking up as Annie set another plate in front of him. "I didn't order anything else." He stated, looking hungrily at the powdered donuts.

She smiled, refilling his coffee for the third time in the last hour. "You looked like you could use a snack."

John noticeably blanched, worried that she'd noticed his lack of body mass. "Thank you." He took a bite of the sugary snack, trying to cover up his worry about her noticing his weight. "It means a lot."

She nodded, looking up as another customer walked into the restaurant. "Hello!" She greeted, picking up a menu and motioning to a seat at the counter. "Take a seat anywhere you like."

"Thank you, Miss."

John's heart dropped, looking over to see officer Jenkins sliding into a seat a few chairs down from him. "Fuck." He breathed as the cop noticed him.

"Well, if it isn't Johnny Bender." He looked at the white powder on John's nose and upper lip, cocking a brow at the smell of smoke clinging to the kid. "You snorting coke this close to the trial?"

John rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore the cop and returning to his book.

Leon tilted his head, remembering what his good friends in John's neighborhood had said about him being in a mood when he'd left the house. "Heard you had a fit earlier, got yourself kicked out of the house."

John picked up his coffee mug, taking a long drink of the beverage.

"Heard that little redhead was pretty upset. Heard that you gave her a few good hits, before you left." He smirked as John turned to him, not expecting the kid to have that fire behind his eyes.

"Fuck off!" He shouted, balling his fists in his jeans. "I didn't hit her! I would never hit her, and I never have!"

Annie stepped back, shocked that the docile kid had turned so fast. "Sir, if you wouldn't mind letting him enjoy his meal."

Leon looked at the book, noticing that John was trying to keep it hidden from his view. "That a list of dealers?" He asked, reaching for the beat-up notebook behind John's arm.

"Fuck off!" John snatched the book up, shoving it into the back of his pants. "It's my own work, I'm not letting a crooked cop see what I think." He glared at the man, remembering what Thomas had told him to do if he saw Leon or Jessica before the trial. "Besides, you're not even supposed to be talking to me with the trial and all."

Leon lifted his hands up, backing off of the obviously threatened kid. "I'm just trying to get a feel for my niece's rapist."

"I didn't rape her!" He shouted, drawing the attention of the few other people in the diner. "She's the one who tried to rape me!"

Leon placed a five-dollar bill on the counter, finishing his coffee now that he'd gotten John riled up. "Thank you for the coffee honey." He motioned to how close John was to the register. "I'd keep an eye on him, there's been a string of robberies in the area and I'd hate to see you lose any money."

John bit into a donut, refusing to acknowledge Leon's comment. "Eat my shorts." He mumbled, just loud enough for Leon to hear him.

 **Hey guys! So this chapter is not 100% mine! The poem was written by my good friend HMG2000! Thanks for writing it! I can't wait to start writing all the other ideas and putting more of your poems in here!**


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

John sighed, watching as the sun peeked over the buildings surrounding the diner. He finished his fiftieth cup of coffee, pulling out his wallet to see the pictures of Claire he kept there as he opened it to get his money out. He sighed, touching his fingers to the image of her on the beach of lake Michigan when they'd gone there for her seventeenth birthday. He pulled a couple twenties out of his billfold, walking over placing them beside the register for Annie to take after she finished counting her drawer up so she could finish her shift. He noticed how she struggled to add up the cash, trying to work it out on a scrap of paper. "Need a hand?" He asked, glancing at the paper.

She looked up at him, noticing how the wheels in his head seemed to be turning as he looked at the numbers. "I keep coming up almost eighty dollars short." She placed the money on the counter, rubbing her eyes as they burned from lack of sleep.

John thumbed through the worn bills, adding them up in a matter of seconds. "You had a few of them that were new in there, they stuck to the backs of the older ones and made it look like you were short." He wrote the total down for her, handing it too her. "You've got about nine-hundred and twenty-four, plus the thirty-five cents in your hand, and the seventy in your tip jar."

She looked at him, astonishment clear on her face. "How can you do that in your head?"

John shrugged, stretching his arms over his head as he stood to leave. "I'm an odd ball." He smirked, tapping his head. "I've got a photographic memory."

She nodded, handing him the money he'd left her. "You should keep this." She smiled, taking his hand in hers and forcing the money into his palm. "Thank you for your help."

He chuckled, taking one of the twenties from his hand, and discreetly pushing the other into the tip jar without her seeing. "I'm John by the way." He held his hand out to her, giving it a firm shake.

"Nice to meet you John." She looked him over for the first time, noticing that he didn't seem to care how he looked. His hair was a tangled ratty mess from him running his hands through the short locks while he was writing, and he wore a t-shirt that had been worn and washed so many times it was almost see through, his jeans were ripped and had oil stains on them from what she would guess from his personality to be fixing up cars, he had no belt, and his shoes had obviously been fixed by him a few times. "If you ever need a place to come hangout for a while, you're welcome here."

He nodded, turning toward the door. "Thanks. I'll remember that."

John slipped his hands into his pockets, his fingers brushing against the pack of Marlboro reds and the strike anywhere matches he'd bought to light them with. He sighed, knowing that he'd screwed up, as he pulled another smoke from the pack and lit it between his teeth. He took a long drag, taking the cigarette from his lips as his body rejected the smoke in his lungs. He coughed for a moment, realizing exactly how long it had been since he'd last had a pack to smoke. He spit the mucus that came up onto the pavement, before taking another drag. He felt his nerves start to calm as he walked, hating that he smelled like burned tobacco and kicking himself the whole time he smoked the cigarette.

He turned as he heard something behind him, stumbling backwards as he took a fist to the mouth. He immediately put his hands up, throwing a few punches before he was able to lock on his target. He could taste blood from his lip, that he knew had to be split. He ducked as his attacker faked a left hook, leaning right into the right jab to his eye. "Fuck!" He exclaimed, feeling the guy grab the book in the back of his pants before he could recover. John lunged, landing a good hit on the guys nose, earning himself a hard hit to his own nose. He felt it start to bleed, not giving up on his mission to get his poems and songs back. "Give me my goddamn book!" He shouted, landing a hard blow on the man's cheekbone before he got out of range and John gave up on the fight when he knew he couldn't catch him.

John wiped his thumb over his lip, knowing that he'd left his own mark on the thief. He looked down at his hand, smiling painfully at the ring on his finger. Sid's ring, the one that he'd gotten after his friend's death and his parent's conviction, the one that Sid had stolen when he was ten to help protect himself. It had a hollowed-out skull in the band, the edges so sharp they would cut the image into the attacker to let everyone know they'd messed with the wrong kid. He rubbed his shirt collar under his bleeding nose, wincing as he stepped on his bad leg, noticing that it had gotten banged up in the fight. "Shit." He placed more weight on his foot, pain shooting through his thigh where the break had been. "Did I fracture it again?" He mumbled, knowing that even if he had he didn't have a choice but to walk on it. He looked around for a moment, noticing an old broken-down Harley Davidson in the ally. He cocked a brow, limping up to the house and knocking on the door. "Excuse me Sir, I noticed that, uh, you have a '45 Harley Davidson in the ally."

The man gave a puzzled look at the kid, squinting at him because he didn't have his glasses on. "It don't run." He stated, wondering what this kid wanted with it. "If you want it for parts you can have it."

John ran his tongue over the inside of his split lip, pulling out the last of his money, and handing it to the man. "There's sixty dollars there, I'll pay you what it's worth after I get a real job." He smiled, shaking the man's hand before taking the key from him and running to his new ride.

He swung his leg over the bike, feeling the power if would have after he fixed it up. He smirked, kicking the stand up as he began pushing it the four miles home. "This is gonna be sweet."


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

John limped into the driveway of the house, leaning on the motorcycle to help keep weight off of his leg. He could hear everyone out in the backyard, chuckling as he heard one of them do a cannonball into the pool. He pushed the bike into the garage, propping it up on its stand before walking into the yard to let the family know he was safe.

"JOHN!" Amelia screamed, running up to her wounded knight. She buried her face in his shirt, pulling away at the strange smell that clung to him. "You smell bad." She complained, wrinkling her nose at the stench of cigarettes.

John swallowed, looking up as the family gathered around. "Hey." He smiled, his hands going to his pockets where the cigarettes were.

Clarissa wrapped him in a crushing hug, smelling the scent of Marlboro's on his clothes knowing that those were his brand. "You're okay." She pressed her fingers to his swollen lip, shocked at the state that he was in. "What the hell happened?" She asked, using the first curse word that John had ever heard her say. "Who did this to you?"

He hung his head, pulling the smokes from his pocket and pushing them into Dominic's hand. "Get rid of these." He stated, knowing that Dominic had never been one to smoke tobacco because he couldn't stand how it made John smell. "I don't want to see them, smell them, or taste them anymore."

Amelia tilted her head, looking at the little carton. "What're those?" She asked, trying to read what was on the box.

John looked to the child, his concentration broken when he heard Claire's voice.

"You came back." She smiled, her voice cracking as she ran to him.

He wrapped his strong arms around her, burying his nose in the crook of her neck. "I always will." He whispered, his voice rough from the smoke he'd inhaled. "I could never leave you." He felt her chest heave with tears, feeling her grip at his shirt like a lifeline. "Hey, shh, I'm here. I'm not gonna leave again."

She dug her nails into his back, letting her fear show as she sobbed into his chest. She felt his hands rub over her back, his callouses rough against the bare skin between the pieces of her bikini.

"I won't leave you again." He soothed, accidentally putting too much weight on his bad leg and stumbling to his side, right into Thomas's grip. "Dad!" He winced as he struggled out of Thomas's grip, fear that Thomas would hurt him shooting through his body. "I'm sorry!" He stumbled backwards, bumping into Vernon's chest. He jumped away from the older man, the images of his father filling his mind. He felt his breath speed up, his heart racing in his chest. He felt someone touch him, his eyes rolling back in his head as his body went limp and his world faded to black.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

Claire ran a washcloth over John's bloody face, letting her Mother tend to his black eye with a bag of frozen peas. They'd managed to get his unconscious body to the couch in the livingroom, not understanding why he'd passed out. Ryan wrapped a blood pressure cuff around his arm, pressing his stethoscope to the veins in John's inner elbow. "His blood pressure's high." He stated, relieving the air in the cuff, and letting it loosen around his bicep. "He probably stayed up all night, and I think he drank too much coffee." He lifted John's hand pricking his finger with a pin and wiping a drop of his blood onto a test strip that he placed in the blood sugar monitor. He sighed, looking at his heightened A1C level of his blood. "He had a ton of sugar too."

Claire wiped the cloth over his lips, the white rag becoming smudged with dark red. "I'm just glad he's back." She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, the taste of the cigarettes still fresh on his lips. She could feel his gentle breath on her cheek, surprised when she felt him kiss her back.

His lips pressed farther against hers, his head slowly rising so that he could hold her better. He moaned as she pushed him down, not wanting the kiss to end. "Sweets…" He whined, flinching as Clarissa placed the bag of peas over his swollen eye. "Ah! That's cold!" He exclaimed, not noticing that Amelia was watching them try to fix him up. "Really fucking cold!"

Clarissa shushed him, brushing her fingers through his hair to try and calm him. "Would you relax?" She looked up at Amelia smiling as she inched closer to them. "He's better now. He just got a little freaked out." She felt John shift in her lap, smiling as he reached for the child.

Amelia ran up to her hero, jumping onto his stomach and kneeing him just under the ribs, causing him to have a coughing fit. "Are you sick?" She asked, siting back on his hips as he struggled to catch his breath.

He leaned back against Clarissa's lap, feeling Claire lift his feet as she took a seat on the sofa. "No, I'm not sick Squirt, I was just really dumb and breathed something I shouldn't have." He could still smell the smoke on his body, realizing just how much he hated the smell. "I need to go take a shower." He stated, letting Amelia crawl off of his body so that he could get up.

Ryan placed a hand on his chest, making him sit back down. "Take your shirt off, I need to listen to your lungs."

John rolled his eyes, slipping his fingers into the collar of his shirt and pulling it over his head by grabbing the back of the fabric. He felt Ryan press the cold end of his stethoscope to his back, knowing that Claire and her mother were staring at his scarred back.

"Take a deep breath." Ryan ordered, listening to the slight rattle in John's chest. "Cough for me." He listened to the rasp as John coughed, knowing that John's body had adjusted to not smoking before last night and now he would have to start over. "Well, you sound alright for smoking… how many did you smoke?"

John held up two fingers, ducking his head as he thought about how everyone must've been disappointed in him for the relapse. "Two." He jumped as he felt Claire's fingers brush over an old scar from the first time his dad had switched from the belt to the chain to whip him. "Don't." He stated, making her jump back from him. He stood, walking upstairs to the bathroom.

He turned the water on, stripping his clothes off and tossing them in the dirty hamper, before stepping into the steaming hot water. He pumped his hand full of shampoo, lathering it through his dark hair, noticing how it stung when it got into the cut on his lip. "Fuck." He hissed, holding a hand to his lip. He wiped his hand away, looking at the fresh blood on his fingers. "Damnit."

He finished his shower, stepping out after wrapping a towel around his hips. He looked in the mirror, seeing the blood staining his cracked lips. He shook his head, opening the cabinet and pulling out a butterfly bandage, and pressing it to his lip. He looked at his black eye, running his fingers over the dark bruising around his bloodshot eye, knowing that a few blood vessels had been broken in the white of his eye. "Ugh…" He groaned, knowing that he wasn't going to be able to heal by the time he was supposed to be in court tomorrow.

He opened the girls' makeup drawer, cocking a brow at the thousands of odd-looking bottles and vials of whatever gunk they put on their faces. He picked up a black crayon looking thing, seeing that it had Kaylie's name written on it. He looked through the drawer more, digging out three bottles of skin colored liquid that had the word 'foundation' written on it. He'd seen Kaylie put this on over her zits when she got acne, and figured it would work the same way with a black eye. He tested the different tones on his arm, growling as he saw that they were all too light for his skin.

He wiped the makeup off on his towel, before walking to his room. He closed his door, turning around to see Dominic shaking the cigarette carton with a lighter in his hand. "Get dressed, we're going outside."

John rolled his eyes, pulling on his blue flannel and a pair of underwear and jeans before following his cousin outside. "What're you gonna do? Make me chain smoke the whole pack?" He asked, knowing that he could do that without getting too sick.

Dominic shook his head, handing the lighter to him, and holding up the carton. "This carton is your life, and your health." He placed it in the fire pit, taking the lighter from his cousin. "This flame, is our addictions and our past that we run back to every time something goes wrong." He lit the cigarettes on fire, forcing John into a chair to watch them burn. "Our addictions and our habits will ruin our lives if we're not careful." He watched as the paper and tobacco burned, noticing that John had a longing look in his eyes. "They will take not only our lives, but they will take those we love away from us." He sighed, folding his hands over his knees. "Remember how grandpa died and grandma danced at his funeral? Imagine that but instead of having someone there when you die, you die alone with a needle in your arm, without anyone to even dance on your grave."

John nodded, understanding that he couldn't give in any longer, he had to quit, he had to clean up his act. "I'm throwing out all my shitty stuff." He stood, limping into the house and up to his room.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

John closed and locked his bedroom door, pulling out the old shoebox that he kept all his secret possessions in, opening it to show the Playboy magazine he'd stolen when he was thirteen just to see what a naked woman looked like, the empty beer bottle from his drinking days, an old cigarette butt from his first pack, and the old lighter that had run out of juice so many years ago when he'd first lit up. He ran his hand over the Playboy, catching himself as he looked at the scantily clad woman on the cover. "No." He stated, taking the magazine between his hands and ripping it in half.

He jumped as his doorknob jiggled before Claire's voice made its way through the wood. "John? Are you okay?"

John shoved the pages of the magazine into the box, sliding it under his bed before answering the door. "I'm fine." He smirked, pulling her into a strong kiss to clear his mind of the woman on the cover. "But I'm better now that you're here." He smiled, letting her walk inside of his room.

"What's this?" She asked, picking up a ripped page of the Playboy, noticing that the image was half of a naked woman. "John!" She turned on him, hurt clear in her eyes. "A Playboy?"

He held his hands up in submission, pointing at the page. "I got that when I was thirteen, and I haven't looked at it for more than six months because I've seen it so many times I got bored with it, and then I met you."

"Are there any others?" She asked, tossing the page into the garbage can. "Or have you graduated to videos?"

John swallowed, knowing that he'd screwed up. "Claire, I've never seen one of those videos in my life. Why would I even want to see one? I had everything I needed to see with my Dad defiling my Mom every three days." He shuddered at the memory, his skin crawling with the image. "I only had the magazine because I was curious as a horny thirteen-year-old kid." He forced his temper down, knowing that the whole house could probably hear them fighting. "And I ripped it up!"

Claire crossed her arms, glaring at her boyfriend. "Yeah, just now!"

He rolled his eyes, stepping toward her. "Because I have you to keep me from jerking off!"

She scoffed, looking down at the corner of a shoebox poking out from under his bed. "What's in here?" She asked, grabbing the box and dumping it out on his bed. She picked up the bottle, shoving it in his face. "Were you drinking?" She snapped, tossing the bottle in the trash with enough force to shatter the glass. She picked up the cigarette butt, tossing it out too. "And you're still smoking?"

John grabbed the box, shoving the whole thing in the trash, wincing as the broken glass cut his hand. "Those are all old! The cigarette butt was my first one, and the bottle was just something that I kept for a reason I don't remember now. That magazine was the only thing I've used int the last year, and I haven't even opened it since my birthday last year!"

She raised her brows, looking at her boyfriend with shock written on her face. "So, you pleasure yourself on your birthday then?" She watched as his face seemed to turn red with anger, his eyes going pitch-black. "So, are you going to be expecting something from me in December on your birthday too?"

John bit his lip, heaving a breath to try and control himself. "I don't expect anything from you!" He turned to the wall, balling his fist as he resisted the urge to punch the wall. "That was the only good thing that I saved for my birthday and holidays. It was the only nice feeling in my life before I met you."

His voice was dangerously quiet, and Claire knew she'd stepped over a line. She dropped her gaze, not realizing how bad John felt over the magazine. "You're bleeding." She whispered, reaching for his hand.

"I'll take care of it." He stated, pointing to his door. "Get out."

Claire touched his shoulder, jumping back as he raised his hand to her.

He stopped himself at the last second, the black anger in his eyes, turning yellow fear. "Get out." He breathed, pushing her out of his room and slamming the door, tears already running down his cheeks.

She listened at his door as he began destroying his room, wishing that she'd just kept quiet about the nude. She pressed her hand to his door, flinching as an animalistic scream ripped from his throat. She knelt on her knees, leaning her head against his door as she heard something fall to the floor and John's voice shout a string of curses as loud as he could. "I'm sorry…" She choked out as tears streamed down her face, her heart breaking with the thought of the damage he was doing to himself. "I'm so sorry…"


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

Amelia curled into Brian's chest, shaking from her fear as she listened to John's screams and the other sounds coming from his room. "Brian!" She sobbed as another gut-wrenching scream tore from John's throat, echoing through the house like thunder.

He held her closer, letting his mother curl around them to try and save her from the sounds of John's fit. "Mom?" He turned his blue eyes up to her, as if asking what he should do.

She shushed him, watching as Clarissa paced at the base of the stairs, and Thomas held his head in his hands with worry. She knew that John was like a son to them, and she couldn't imagine what they were feeling after having been through so much with him and being the ones who'd seen the worst of his withdrawals and seizures. She could see Kaylie and the other burner children standing in a tense group, knowing that they were fighting their instincts to rush to their leader's aid. She listened as the racket from John's room stopped, panic shooting through her at the suddenness of the change. She locked eyes with Clarissa, rushing up the stairs right behind her, followed by Jan, Kathrine, and Dana close on their heels.

Clarissa stopped in the hallway, seeing that John's door was hanging off of its hinges and that Claire was nowhere to be found. "John?" She called, cautiously stepping toward the boy's room. "Claire?" She peered into John's bedroom, her hands flying to her mouth as she took in the scene.

Claire was holding John's head as his body convulsed on the floor, his blood soaking into her jeans from the gash in his scalp. His arm was bent at an odd angle at the shoulder, and his other hand was deeply cut and the fingers were obviously broken. "John!" She rushed to their side, wanting nothing more than to somehow stop the seizure and take his pain away. "Johnny, come on baby, snap out of it." She brushed her fingers though his hair, listening to her daughter sob as he convulsed in her lap. "Johnny, please."

John's head began to bleed more, the skin tearing farther as his body twitched and jerked.

Claire choked on her tears, blaming herself for the seizure. "It's my fault!" She cried, letting the moms take over John's safety while she was comforted by her own mother. "I got mad at him, and now he's having an attack!"

Clarissa rubbed her back, listening as John's grunts of pain seemed to fade as the other sounds of the seizure slowed. "What happened?" She asked, looking down at the young man as his body stilled, his chest heaving with every breath.

Claire shook her head, burying herself farther into her mother's chest.

John's eyes were glazed over, making Mary wonder if he'd sustained any head injury other than the cut in his scalp. "Johnathan? Can you hear us?"

John looked right through her, not hearing anything happening around him or feeling any of the contact of the moms as they tried to asses the damage he'd done to himself.

Kathrine looked up at Clarissa and her daughter, feeling over his shoulder. "His shoulder's dislocated, and his middle and ring fingers are broken on his left hand." She lifted his head into her lap, running her fingers along either side of the gash in his head. "This isn't from blunt trauma, he probably cut it on the bed frame or the corner of his desk when the seizure hit." She looked at the wound on his hand, wrapping it up with an old bandanna she found on John's floor, being careful of his broken fingers. She looked up at Claire, knowing that the girl was too shaken up to ask any questions of her right now. "Take her to her room, we'll take care of him."

Clarissa nodded, dragging her daughter from the room as the other women started to move John onto his bed. "Come on baby." She cooed, her heart breaking at Claire's struggle to be with John.

"No! I have to be with him!" She sobbed, lunging for her boyfriend's side. "I have to stay!" She clung to the edge of his bed as Clarissa tried to pull her away, reaching for John as her father joined in pulling her away from him. "NO!" She screamed, fighting against her parents as they dragged her to her room. "JOHN!" She cried, knowing that if he was in his right mind he would tell them to let her stay. "JOHN! Tell them to let me stay!"

John didn't even flinch at her cries of distress, instead he remained in his own world where there was no such thing as pain, and only the best joy he'd felt in his short life. He remembered the first time he and Claire had kissed, the feeling he got when she touched his skin, when her fingers would run over his stomach or the back of his hips. The taste of her tongue in his mouth, the feeling of her braless chest against his.

He felt something pull on his shoulder, crying out in pain as it popped back into place. "Fuck!" He shouted, returning to the real world at the shock to his system. "Claire?" He asked, looking at the faces in the room, ignoring the pain in his hand and his arm. "Where's Claire?"

Jan placed her hand on his forehead, hoping to calm his growing anxiety. "She's in her room." She looked up at Ryan, watching as he unwrapped John's cut hand.

He sighed, looking at the gash that went deep into his flesh. "I'll go get my stitching kit." He gently tugged on John's broken fingers ignoring John's cries of pain as the bones set themselves. "I'll be back in a couple minutes. Make sure he doesn't move." He ducked from the room, stepping over the broken bookshelf in his path. "I'll have Thomas postpone the court date until Friday, he should be feeling a little better by then."


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

Amelia jerked awake, the image of John's bleeding back still fresh in her mind from the nightmare. She grabbed her teddy bear, slipping out from under her covers and opening her door. She could hear John's snores through the open doorway, his door having been taken off so that the adults could fix it. She remembered his temper tantum from earlier, wondering if he was still upset. She tiptoed toward his room, slipping inside to stand at the edge of his bed.

He was sleeping on his stomach, one arm tucked close to his side and tied to his waist to make sure he didn't hurt it in his sleep, the other was propped on his pillow, the ring and middle fingers taped into two strange metal splints.

She noticed the fresh scab on his head, wondering how he'd gotten that. "John?" She whispered, flinching back as he bolted from his dream.

"Huh? What?" He blinked at the child beside his bed, smiling when his brain woke up enough to register that it was her. "Hey Squirt."

She looked up at her wounded hero, taking in the blackeye, the split lip, and the various other wounds on his person. "Are you still mad?" She asked, holding her bear close.

He shook his head, scooting over in the bed to let her climb up. "No. Me and Claire just had a little disagreement and I didn't handle it right."

She nodded, climbing into the bed and curling against his side as he covered her up with his better hand. "Were you fighting because you smoked?" She asked, feeling John's arm rest over her protectively.

He shook his head. "We weren't fighting." He yawned, wincing as the movement pulled on his dislocated shoulder. "We were just having a disagreement."

"Aunt Claire was crying."

John took a slow breath, wishing that he was allowed to see her, but knowing to respect Thomas's wishes to let her be away from him for a while. "Well… I think I scared her pretty bad." He remembered raising his hand to strike her, remembering the fear and shame that had shot through him as she'd flinched away.

"I was scared too." She mumbled, feeling him pull her closer as his chest rumbled with a tune.

"Shadows slowly creeping down the prairie trail Everything is sleeping - ah, but the nightingale Moon will soon be climbing in the purple sky Night winds all a-humming this tender lullaby  
Cares of the day have fled My little sleepyhead Stars are in the sky Time that the prayers were said  
My little sleepyhead To a prairie lullaby saddle up your pony Sandman's here To guide you down the trail of dreams Tumble in bed my tired My little sleepyhead To a prairie lullaby Saddle up your pony Sandman's here To guide you down the trail of dreams Tumble in bed my tired My little sleepyhead To a prairie lullaby." He smiled as he heard her breathing even out as she fell asleep. "That's my girl." He whispered, an idea coming to him.

He slowly shifted onto his back, pulling at the fabric securing his arm to his side, as he picked up a pen and a piece of scrap paper rushing to scribble down his poem before he lost the idea. His hands protested at holding the pen and paper, making his penmanship unusually bad. He smiled at the finished poem, placing it on his nightstand before falling back asleep.

Clarissa looked up from the book she was reading as she heard John's uneven step on the stairs. She smiled at the young man, noticing how he'd already put his arm in a sling to protect the joint in his shoulder. "Good morning."

John grunted, pouring himself a huge cup of coffee and downing half of it before he spoke. "Claire?" He asked, his message clear.

"She went to the mall with the girls." She closed her book, noticing that John hadn't even bothered to put his sweatpants on when he'd gotten up. She looked at the dark bruise on his thigh, wondering if that was why his limp was worse. "How's your leg?" She asked, letting him sit on the counter before she walked over to inspect the injury.

He shrugged, letting her touch his leg to see how bad he'd hurt it. "Sore. But it's better than when I first broke it."

She shook her head, pressing gently on the bruise until he pulled away. "I still can't believe you set that yourself."

He took a swig of his coffee, letting Clarissa examine his wounds closer and fret over the state he was in. "I learned a lot of first aid on myself." He stated, motioning to the longest deepest scar on his stomach. "This was the first one I stitched up."

She ran her finger under his swollen eye, noticing the bloodshot white of his eyeball. "Do you know who did this?" She asked, adjusting the key around his neck.

He shook his head. "No, but I can pick him out of a crowd." He flexed the finger on his right hand that had Sid's ring on it. "I got a couple good hits in before he bolted."

She sighed, looking up at the boy who'd become like her son. "You are something else."

He chuckled, looking up as Dominic entered the kitchen with John's garbage can in his hands. "You tore up the magazine?" He asked, obviously disappointed that John hadn't given it to him to enjoy.

"You have six of those." John stated, remembering the stash that Dominic had hidden throughout the bedrooms so that the others could enjoy them. "Besides, it's worn out by now."

Clarissa looked between the boys, reaching her hand into the trash can and pulling out one of the torn pages of the Playboy. "John!"

John ducked his head, already beating himself up for the old thing. "I'm gonna burn it."

Dominic rolled his eyes, looking at the beaver shot. "I would have liked to have it."

Clarissa turned on the older boy, raising her brows. "I will not have pornography in this house. Go get yours and burn them with John's."

"But Mom…" Dominic whined, hoping calling her mom would earn him the right to keep his dirty magazines.

"No buts. Go get them and I want to see them all burned."

Dominic turned, stomping up the stairs to get his stash of Playboy Bunnies. "Way to go, El Jefe, you ruined it."

John held up his broken middle finger earning himself a light tap on the knee from Clarissa as punishment. "Worth it." He stated, finishing off his coffee.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty**

John lit a match on his teeth, smirking at Mary and Clarissa's reaction to the trick, and tossed it into the pile of old habits and magazines. He ran his tongue over the little rough patch on the back of his incisors, watching as his demons burned in the fire pit. "So long, El Diablo." He smiled as the flames consumed the last of the Playboys.

Dominic chuckled turning to his cousin. "Esas perras estaban calientes."

John rolled his eyes, looking at his cousin as he decided whether or not to use English or Spanish to reply. "Eres un perro cuerno."

Dominic shrugged, making an obscene gesture at the front of his jeans. "Al menos no me masturbé con ellos."

"Boys," Mary scolded, hating that they knew more than one language, "English please."

John turned to the moms, shaking his head. "You don't want to understand what we're saying."

Clarissa cocked a brow at Dominic, making him stop with the gesture. "I think we got an idea."

Claire opened the door to the house, walking inside with the other girls and Jan, Dana, and Kathrine. She set her bags on the table, noticing that John and Dominic were outside standing around the fire pit with a couple cans of Coke, and a small flame in the pit which they were roasting marshmallows over.

Kaylie chuckled, watching as John handed the marshmallow on his stick to Amelia to eat. "At least he seems to be in a better mood today." She grabbed a root beer from the fridge, handing one to Allison as she started for the sliding glass door. "You coming?" She asked, looking at Claire in John's old t-shirt and his ripped jeans.

"I'll be out in a second." She smiled, praying that John would forgive her for calling him out on the magazine.

Kaylie shrugged, closing the door behind her as she hoped down the stairs of the porch. "Yo! Dipshits! Get me a marshmallow stat!"

Claire smiled, noticing how John tossed her the stick he'd been using, sticking a marshmallow in the end as he popped one in his mouth, getting gooey white strings all over his shirt and his lips and chin. "He is an absolute mess." She chuckled, noticing how he did seem to be feeling better and seemed happier now that the court day had been postponed for another two days.

She glanced at the calendar, noticing that there was something written on the square for the twenty-fifth. "Shit! It's Allison's birthday tomorrow?"

Kathrine nodded, watching as Kaylie gave Dominic a noogie before she sat down in his lap to annoy him. "She's going to be Seventeen."

"We have to throw a party!" Claire announced, already thinking of ideas for a gift. "I'll go ask John about it when Allison isn't listening." She smiled, happy that she could finally give her friend a real party.

Clarissa chuckled, opening the door for her whirlwind of a daughter to run through to see her battered boyfriend. "Remember his leg still hurts!" She reminded her, knowing that she probably didn't hear her. "I swear she's going to kill him one day when she tries to love on him." She watched as Claire flung herself onto his lap, tipping the lawn chair backwards as she kissed him. "Especially if she keeps doing that."

Mary turned the page in her book, shaking her head at the two. "They just better hope Thomas doesn't see her doing that."

"And that Amelia doesn't blab." Jan pointed out, watching how John's legs kicked straight up in the air as Claire pushed him father into the ground. "Oh, young love." She sighed, remembering her high school love life. "It was so gross when I was their age, but now look at them."

"I better go make sure John's okay." Clarissa opened the door again, stepping out as John shouted 'I love you' at the top of his lungs. "Yep, he's fine." She cupped her hands around her mouth, shouting at her daughter to take it easy. "Don't kill him Sweetheart! I want to have grandbabies some day after you get married!"

The teens erupted with laughter, Claire pushing off of John until she was sitting back on his hips. "I'll be careful."

John grabbed the collar of the t-shirt she'd stolen from him, pulling her into another kiss. "Don't be careful." He whispered just before her lips touched his, gasping as she stuck her tongue in his mouth.

Amelia made a gagging sound, running up the deck to her mother. "Gross! She put her tongue in his mouth!"

Mary laughed, taking her daughter inside. "They're very in love."

John fished in his pocket for something. Pulling it out when Claire sat back from his face, and handing it to her. "Read it." He ordered, smiling as she unfolded it.

She carefully read over his uncharacteristically slopping had writing, knowing that it was because his hands and arms were hurting when he'd written it.

Letter to my Princess

I stuffed bits of my  
old life in a box.  
I was looking at them  
tonight, rusted, torn and  
empty. I was deciding their fate.

You came in with hurt in your  
eyes that I can't bear and asked  
questions and twisted my answers.  
Wounds; old and new open on my skin.  
Why can't you see how much I love you?

I'm trying to do the right thing but redemption  
sometimes seems so far away. People assume  
and look at you like you're scum. You get so  
tired of hold up the walls. I'm bleeding red.  
Help me. I'm lost. You're my way home.

When you love someone you accept  
a person for who they are, faults and  
all. Then you celebrate the virtues.  
And live life together, realizing hopes and dreams.  
You saved my life, Princess. And for that.  
I'm forever grateful.

She leaned down to hug him, pressing a thousand kisses to his entire face, jumping back when he flinched at her kissing his blackeye. "Sorry." She winced, noticing that she'd made his lip bleed again. "Oh my God, you're bleeding."

John wiped a hand over his lip looking up at her. "I thought that was you." He smirked, rubbing the blood from her lips with his thumb. "I'm glad it's not though."

"Get a room you two." Dominic smirked, switching to Spanish for a moment. "No olvides un condon."

John shook his head. "Not until we're married dipshit."

"What did he say?" Claire asked, wishing that John would actually teach her some Spanish.

"He said to remember a condom." He stated, knowing that Claire would think it was just as absurd as he did. He looked over Claire's shoulder at his cousin. "You know our views on that shit."

Dominic sat back in his chair, ignoring the scolding look that John was giving him. "Just saying. Don't want there to be too many surprises that night."

Claire gave him a puzzled look, getting off of John's hips to look at the older of the cousins. "What do you mean?"

He smirked holding up his fingers about an inch from each other. "He's got a gherkin." He chuckled watching as John held up his middle finger. "You know what that is right?"

Claire nodded. "It's a little pickle."

"Exactly. Not much to work with there."

"Dom, we were six when you saw my dick. We've both grown a lot since then" He shook his head, righting the chair before taking a seat again. "Besides, mine was bigger than yours even then."

"Yeah but I'm the one who's used it for the intended purpose."

"Yeah, you slept with a snake because you were drunk."

"Technically since her name is Medusa, she's a gorgon not a snake." Dominic pointed out. "Surprised you didn't know that one, mister 'Greek is in my blood.'"

"How about I send you to the fields of punishment right now?" John snapped, pulling out the silver dollar he kept in his pocket. "Here, you're ferry trip is on me."

"Boys." Claire placed a hand on John's shoulders, gently rubbing them to take the tension out of his muscles. "Stop talking about me and John having sex, it's not happening until we're married." She raised a brow at Dominic. "And I've felt him through his jeans a couple times, he is not packing a gherkin."

John nodded. "Thank you!"

 **The Poem isn't my work, thank you HMG2000!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty-One**

John smiled at Amelia, noticing that she was reading the same book she'd been reading since he'd met her. "You really like that story, huh?" He sat next to her, looking at the worn pages and the pictures printed on them.

She shrugged, turning the page. "I'm too old for the others and this one has a cat in it."

John nodded, remembering the little book store he'd come across on his walk the other day. "You wanna go for a walk?" He asked, having an idea of what she needed for the court day.

She looked up at him, nodding furiously. "Can we go to the park?" She asked.

"Sure, but we gotta get you some stuff to play with before we go to the courthouse." He chuckled, praying that new toys would keep her attention away from him getting grilled on the stand. "It'll be really boring."

She nodded, running to grab her shoes and her favorite coat that was just like John's denim one. "What's court?" She asked, watching as he pulled on his broken-down boots. "Is it scary?"

John chuckled, pulling his sunglasses from his shirt pocket. "Only if you did something wrong." He opened the door, taking her little hand in his wishing that he didn't have the bandages and splints on his hand so that he could hold it better. "They always ask too many questions though."

She looked up at him, wiping her runny nose on her sleeve. "Can't you just tell them to stop?"

John shook his head, forcing his limp to be better as he noticed a black car a few blocks away. "No. Only Uncle Tom can ask them to stop."

"Do you ever make things up so you don't get in trouble?" She asked, jumping over a crack in the concrete. "I do that sometimes when Mommy gets mad at me."

John pulled her to a stop, leaning down to look her in the eye. "Amelia, if there is one place you never lie, it's in court." He raised his dark brows, trying to show that he was serious about what he was saying. "There are three places to never _ever_ lie. Those places are, church, in front of someone you love, and in court." He lifted her chin as she dropped her gaze. "I'm not mad that you lied to your mom, I just want you to know that you can get in really, really big trouble if you don't tell the truth in front of the judge."

She let a tear slide from her face, wrapping her little arms around his neck in a tight hug. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

John forced his panic down at the contact against his throat, knowing that she could never know about him being choked to unconsciousness by his father. "I won't. And if I do, I'll only be gone for a little while."

She looked up at him, fear showing in her eyes. "Where will they take you?" She asked.

John sighed, knowing that he would be in Juvie and not full-blown prison. "They'd take me to a place called Juvie, it's a house for kids that got in big trouble and it's like a giant timeout." He pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "But they're not going to take me away, because I didn't do anything wrong and we're going to tell the truth when we're there. Right?"

She nodded, wiping her nose on the collar of his flannel. "I don't want them to take you away."

He nodded, taking her hand as they began walking again. "I don't either, Squirt."

John pushed the door to the book store open, listening as the bell above the door rang. He smirked, letting go of her hand as she ran to the kids' section and started picking out tons of books and toys. "Only get the ones that your mother will approve of." He chuckled, picking up one of the self-help books about addictions. "And don't break anything."

"She's adorable." Smiled a young woman, watching Amelia with her stack of books and toys. "Is she yours?"

He gave a nervous laugh, shaking his head. "I'm seventeen. She's my little sister."

The woman nodded, watching as Amelia picked up another toy and book. "You must have different fathers then?" She noticed the difference between their skin tones and their hair.

John nodded. "I'm adopted." He smiled, picking up a few coloring books and colored pencils along with some playing cards and a new notebook.

She pointed to the growing pile that Amelia was accumulating. "She's going to have quite the bill over there."

John shrugged, picking up the toys and moving them into a basket with the books. "She's worth it." He looked up as Amelia grabbed a giant dictionary, plucking it from her hands and putting it back on the shelf. "Oh no, we're sticking to books smaller than you and that can fit in a backpack without tipping you over backwards."

Amelia pouted, picking up another stuffed animal. "Can we get this then?"

John looked at the stack, adding up the prices in his head and adding what he knew tax would be from paying attention to what he'd payed for other things in the state. "Okay, but that's all, I'm not the richest person in the universe here."

He lifted the basket up, walking over to the counter to pay. "Please tell me it's less than a thousand dollars." He joked, feeling Amelia tug on his belt loop, nearly pulling his too-big pants down. "What are you doing?" He asked, looking down at the kid. "You're gonna pants me if you're not careful."

She pointed to the black car that had been in their neighborhood when they'd started walking. "Is that those mean people that took us?"

John squinted at the people in the car, paying the cashier the fifty dollars he had in his wallet, before pulling out the two silver dollars and the rest of the change in his pockets. "Ignore them." He stated, taking the huge bag from the woman behind the counter. "Thanks." He smiled, making Amelia hang on to his wallet chain so he could keep an eye on her while they walked.

He kept his body ready to jump in front of Amelia if he needed too, ready to protect the child at all costs even if that meant his life. "Stay close."

She nodded, pressing her shoulder into his hip as they walked. "Why do your bones stick out sometimes?"

John chucked nervously running the fingers of his hand in the sling over his thin boney chest. "I'm just really skinny."

She nodded, seeming to accept this answer. "You used to be fatter." She stated, poking his completely flat stomach. "But your tummies still hard."

He laughed, bumping her with his hip as they walked. "That's because I work out all the time to stay looking nice for Sweets." He still didn't understand why Claire stuck with him, with how scrawny he was he was amazed that anyone would want to be around him. "I want her to think I'm cute."

"You are cute." She smiled, remembering hearing the girls talking about the boys in the middle of the night. "Claire said you're hot, and that she can't wait until you have babies." She tilted her head, looking up at the man at her side. "Where do babies come from?" She asked, puzzled as to why Claire needed John to make a baby when the babies grew in the mommy's tummy. "Does she get the baby after you get married and kiss?"

John's face flushed, knowing that he couldn't talk to her about sex yet. "Ask your mother." He stated, adjusting the bag on his fingers so that it didn't dig in to the skin and pull at his stitched-up hand. "I think that she can tell you better than I can."

She nodded, skipping along beside her knight as he walked her back to the house. "Okay!"

John heaved a sigh of relief, happy that he'd dodged that bullet.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty-Two**

John glanced over his shoulder, noticing that the black car was no longer following them. Relief flooded over him as he opened the door to the house, noticing the warm scent of something sweet baking in the oven. "What's going on in here?" He chuckled, placing Amelia's new things on the table on his way into the kitchen. "Holy shit." He took in the sight of flower and sugar dusting the entire kitchen, laughing when he saw Claire with cake batter in her hair. "Did the cake explode?"

She wrinkled her nose at him, licking the left-over batter out of the bowl she was sharing with Jim, Dominic, and Cody. "No. Your cousin wanted to help and spilled the flower and sugar because Jim wanted to start bugging us."

John smirked, wrapping his arm around her waist and pressing his lips to hers, tasting the batter on her lips. "Mmm!" He smiled, licking his lips as they separated. "Is that Almond extract?" He asked, swiping his finger over the side of the bowl.

She giggled, lifting Amelia up and letting her taste the mix. "I didn't think you liked almonds." She smirked, remembering how he always ate the Mounds bars and avoided the Almond Joys.

He shrugged, whipping his batter-covered finger on Amelia's nose before sticking it in his mouth again. "I just like dark chocolate better." He swiped his finger around the bowl again, letting Claire suck the liquid cake off of it this time. "Damn Sweets." He chuckled, feeling her scrape the last of the batter off with her teeth. "Don't take my finger off."

She smiled, leaning over to kiss him, licking his lips free of cake before letting him do the same. "I like cake." She whispered, letting Amelia sit on the counter.

Dominic chuckled, ignoring John's glare. "It looks like you like-"

John flung some batter on him, hitting him square in the face. "Shut up."

Dominic wiped the batter from his nose, popping it into his mouth. "I was gonna say she likes John too."

John nodded sarcastically. "Sure, you were." He turned to Claire, rubbing the yellow cake from her hair. "What's the occasion?"

She smiled, jumping as Amelia sneezed. "It's Allison's birthday tomorrow." She handed the child a tissue, holding it as she blew her nose. "Are you getting sick?" She asked, tossing the tissue in the trash.

Dominic jumped back from the kid, holding his hands up as if he was being held at gun point. "I'm out!" He announced, walking out of the room. "I'm not getting sick!"

John rolled his eyes, pressing his hand to Amelia's head to feel her temperature. "Germ-a-phobe!" He shouted, scooping Amelia awkwardly onto his hip to take her upstairs. "You need to rest." He stated, rubbing his thumb over her forehead as he set her on her bed.

She looked up at him, the fact that she didn't feel good clear on her face. "Am I gonna be sick like you were?" She asked, afraid of bouncing around like John sometimes did.

He shook his head, sitting on the bed with her. "No. I was a different kind of sick." He lifted her blanket over her small body, rubbing her back as she groaned from her aches. "Do you want me to sing?" He asked, smiling as she nodded. "What should I sing?"

"Jessie's Girl." She whimpered, letting John pull her shoes off followed by her jacket.

"Alright." He smiled, already thinking of a way to personalize the song. "Johnny is a friend, yeah  
I know he's been a good friend of mine But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define Johnny's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine And she's watching him with those eyes And she's loving him with that body, I just know it Yeah 'n' he's holding her in his arms late, late at night you know I wish that I had Johnny's girl I wish that I had Johnny's girl Where can I find a woman like that I play along with the charade There doesn't seem to be a reason to change You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute I wanna tell her that I love her But the point is probably moot 'Cause she's watching him with those eyes And she's loving him with that body, I just know it And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night You know I wish that I had Johnny's girl I wish that I had Johnny's girl Where can I find a woman like that Like Johnny's girl I wish that I had Johnny's girl Where can I find a woman Where can I find a woman like that And I'm looking in the mirror all the time Wondering what she don't see in me I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines Ain't that the way love supposed to be Tell me, where can I find a woman like that you know, I wish that I had Johnny's girl I wish that I had Johnny's girl I want Johnny's girl Where can I find a woman like that Like Johnny's girl I wish that I had Johnny's girl I want, I want Johnny's girl."

Amelia smiled, letting John rub her cheek as he sang. "That's the wrong words."

He chuckled, pressing his lips to her warm head. "I changed them." He looked up as he heard the floor creek, smiling as he saw Mary in the doorway. "She doesn't feel good."

Mary nodded, handing him a glass of water and giving Amelia a spoonful of cold medicine. "I heard that."

John downed the water in one go, handing the glass back to Mary as he fussed over the child. "You want me to go get your books?"

Mary looked up at him, smiling as she realized why they'd disappeared. "Did you buy her more books?" She asked.

"Yep." He walked down the stairs, returning a few moment's later with the giant bag of toys and books.

Mary's brows jumped as he started pulling stuff out and handing them to her. "John… this is more than fifty dollars of stuff…" She looked up at the young man, her question clear. "Did you use the money you were saving for Claire's ring?"

He shrugged, smiling as the kid held her millions of stuffed animals close. "I figured I can get a job to pay for Claire's ring, instead of going through the couch cushions."

Mary shook her head, patting his knee as she saw his eyes become an even richer brown with his love for Amelia. "Your eyes are so expressive." She smiled, cupping his jaw in her hand. "They change color with your emotions."

He blinked, his long lashes fanning over his cheeks. "It used to get me in a lot of trouble." He stated, remembering how if his dad saw the yellow fear in his eyes he would use it against him in any way possible. "That's why I've never liked them."

Amelia coughed, catching John's attention from her mother. "I like your eyes." She mumbled, looking up at him. "They're brown like chocolate, and I like chocolate."

John chuckled, handing her a tissue. "Well, thanks kid."

Claire leaned against the doorframe, smiling at her man. "I like them because they're yours." She pushed away from the door, walking over to kiss him. "I can't see you with any other eyes."

John leaned into her kiss, nipping at her lips as she placed her hands on the back of his neck. "Thank you, Sweets." He breathed, wrapping his unbroken fingers around her thigh as he leaned his head against her stomach. "I love you."

She smiled, running her fingers through his hair. "I love you too, you idiot."


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty-Three**

"What is it?" Allison asked, shaking the box that was neatly wrapped in colorful birthday paper.

John chuckled, smirking as she started to open it. "It's gotta be better than a carton of smokes."

Clarissa gave him a puzzled look, wondering why that sentence had come to his mind. "John, did you get a carton of cigarettes for your birthday?"

John shook his head, remembering how the only thing he got on his birthday was a good smack upside the head. "No just Christmas. Sometimes I got a half drank beer for Christmas dinner."

Clarissa looked up as Allison held up the new sketchbook, her grin spreading from ear to ear. "Thanks John and Claire!"

Claire snuggled against John's side, tracing the scars on his knuckles. "Happy birthday Alli." She smiled, feeling John press a kiss to her head.

Andy handed her another neatly wrapped box, chuckling as she opened it. "Happy birthday baby."

She gasped at the beautiful necklace that she pulled out, opening the locket to show a picture of the two of them. "Andy!" She cried, wrapping him in a crushing hug. "It's beautiful!"

He took the necklace from her, clasping it around her perfect neck. "I thought you would like it." He smiled, kissing her neck.

Amelia sniffed, sitting up in John's lap. "Can we have cake now?" She asked, making the whole room erupt with laughter, even getting germophobe Dominic to drop his t-shirt from around his nose.

John chuckled, patting her hip as he stood. "I say we cut the cake before Kaylie's frosting disintegrates the whole thing."

"Fuck you, El Jefe." Kaylie snapped, stepping away from Amelia in an attempt to not get sick. She wasn't opposed to being sick, it was more the idea of her strength being robbed from her and making her unable to fight off attackers that made her flinch back. She knew she was safe, but she still had that habit of avoiding sick people and trying to stay away from illness. "Don't sneeze or cough on the cake kid!"

John smiled, rubbing his hand over his scruffy jaw as it began to itch. "Ugh… remind me to shave after this."

Clarissa shook her head, looking at how thick his beard would be if he'd let it grow. "That is not a seventeen-year-old beard, that is grown man facial hair." She rubbed Thomas's cheek, laughing at his thin scruff. "I think you even have more than dad over here."

Claire smiled, pulling on his chin. "I like it." She giggled, letting him bend down to kiss her neck, feeling the roughness of his stubble on her skin. "It tickles!"

John smirked, rubbing his chin over her shoulder, biting her shirt collar. "I think it itches." He chuckled, letting her smack his shoulder to make him stop. "Feels like a big wool blanket on my face."

Allison took a bite of the cake, giving everyone else the signal to dig in. "Andy could get a good beard if he'd let it grow."

John looked up at Ryan before grabbing his slice of cake, knowing that he and Dominic were still on the sugar cut back. "May I indulge in some cake?" He asked, raising his brows at the doctor. "Or must I stick to chips while everyone else has cake?"

Ryan chuckled, motioning to the two smallest pieces of cake. "You and Dom can have those two, but that's it."

John grinned, dishing up he and Dominic's slices and handing Dominic his before stuffing his face with the sweet desert. "I don't think I've ever had a birthday cake before."

Clarissa looked at the boy, shock on her face. "Didn't your parents try to get a picture of cake mushed on your face for your first birthday?"

John shook his head, looking at Dominic. "What was that one picture they did get of us?"

Dominic shrugged, taking a drink of milk to cut the richness of the cake. "I think that the only one they took was the one when me and you first met."

John nodded, feeling Amelia pull on his sweatpants to get his attention. "I wanna see you as a baby." She smiled, not picking up on John's apprehension to the idea.

"Yeah!" Claire backed the child up, curious as to what John had looked like as a baby. "I wanna see how adorable you were."

John finished his cake, listening to the family beg to see the photo. "Alright! Fine. I'll go see if I can track it down." He pushed his chair back, starting for the stairs. "No promises I can remember where I hid it, though."

He opened his door, walking over to his nightstand and pulling out the top drawer all the way, before reaching back and pulling the photo off from where it was taped to the back. He sighed, looking at his unmarred skin, still with the pink tones of a new baby. He could still see that he'd been thin, even at birth. He looked at Dominic, noticing that he'd been a slightly heathier baby, a little more meat on his bones and his skin a slightly darker shade from his Mexican mother.

He stepped into the dining room, holding the picture up as the family all looked at him. "Here it is." He handed it to Clarissa first, noticing how she began to tear up when she saw it.

"John!" She passed the photo to Mary, reaching for the young man at her side and pulling him into a hug. "You were such a cute baby."

John smiled, holding Clarissa as best he could while she cried into his shoulder. "I wasn't that cute Mom." He chuckled knowing that Dominic was the healthier looking one of them. "You were probably looking at Dom."

She shook her head, holding his head in her hands as she looked at him. "I know it was you." She smiled, brushing the longest part of his sideburn behind his ear. "I could recognize you from a mile away if I had too."

He breathed a laugh, meeting her gaze. "Mom, you can hardly tell me and Dom apart as it is."

She tapped his shoulder, scowling at him. "I can too. Dominic Alejandro has darker skin than you do, and his hair is longer."

The table laughed, even the mothers who'd gotten emotional looking at the old photo laughing.

"And their eyes are different." Claire stated, motioning to the two boys. "John's are bigger and his lashes are longer."

Jan shook her head, chuckling at the girl. "Only a girlfriend would notice that."

Clarissa looked at John's eyes, remembering the matching ones that his mother had. "Or a true mother." She smiled, running her finger over the slowly fading bruise around his right eye. "Dominic's aren't quite as light as John's either."

John chuckled, letting her feel over his face and touch the marks. "That's only because I'm happy." Happy, how foreign that word sounded on his lips, but at the same time it felt like the perfect way to tell what he was at that moment. "I'm happy here." He smiled, taking in the joy on everyone's faces. "Happier than I thought was possible."

Clarissa smiled, pulling him close to her in a strong hug that sent a dull pain through his dislocated shoulder. "I'm glad."


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter Forty-Four**

John let Ryan slowly move his arm, wincing as his muscles stretched and the bones adjusted to the movement. "Fuck…" He hissed between clenched teeth, feeling the doctor press on his healing shoulder.

"I'm sorry, kiddo, but we've gotta do this." He gently lifted John's arm above his head, wrapping his arm around the kid's side as he flinched away. "It'll stop hurting here in a little bit." He watched as John's face contorted with the pain, amazed that he didn't cry out from what he was feeling. "You're one tough son of a gun." He chuckled, letting John take a break from the pain for a moment.

John shrugged, flexing his fingers since they were out of the sling for a moment. "Kinda had to be."

Claire kissed his neck, right behind his jaw, smiling at the prickly scruff on her lips. "You don't anymore."

He smirked, glancing in Thomas's direction before kissing her. He let his upper lip tickle her nose, feeling her smile at the feeling of his stubble. He nipped at her lips, tasting her lip balm and the sweetness of the cake she and Kaylie had made. He jerked back as he felt someone flick the back of his head, looking up to see Thomas standing over them. "I wasn't going to sleep with her, Dad."

Claire nodded, rubbing her hand over John's tensed shoulders. "We were only kissing." She ran her fingers into his hair, pressing the pressure points behind his ears to make him relax in hopes that he wouldn't get worked up again.

Clarissa chuckled as the tension melted out of John's body, making him look like a ragdoll beside her daughter. "Honestly Tom, Claire knows how to take care of herself."

Andy shook his head, laughing at how John went cross-eyed when Claire scratched his head with her nails. "Better be careful Claire. You'll turn that giant into a lap dog."

John moaned as she rubbed the crown of his head, wrapping his hands around Amelia's waist as she climbed onto his lap. "Oh…" He let a goofy smile play on his face, biting his tongue between his teeth as she continued to rub. "That's the shit…"

Amelia tilted her head, looking at her incapacitated knight as his body began to shake from pleasure. "What're you doing to him?" She asked, pushing her hands against John's chest as she looked at his crossed eyes.

Claire laughed, pressing a kiss to John's earlobe, feeling the silver cuff and the diamond earring he always wore. "Loving on him."

John turned his head to her, leaning in and pecking her lips with his. "I wish I could find your spots." He smiled, pressing a kiss under her jaw, traveling father down her neck until he reached the collar of her t-shirt. "Isn't this one of mine?" He asked, pulling on the shirt.

Claire shrugged, fluttering her lashes as she looked into his warm eyes. "Maybe…" She yelped as John slipped his hands under the shirt, his long fingers stopping just short of her breasts. "John!"

He chuckled, sitting back as she slapped his shoulders and chest. "Hey! Ow!" He caught her wrists in his hands, wincing as the movement pulled on his stitched hand and broken fingers. "Watch it. I just did that so I'd stop losing my clothes." He raised a brow, tracing circles on her hands as he rested them on the hard plains of his chest. "Between you and Amelia I hardly have a shirt to my name."

Claire rolled her eyes, tracing her fingers over the pale scars on his pecs. "It's not like you ever wear one anyway."

John heaved a breath, enjoying the feeling of her hands on his body. "Only because they irritate my incision."

Claire's brow furrowed, lifting his arm so that she could see the newest scar on his side. "How long has it been like this?" She asked, running her fingers over the scar.

He jumped as she touched a particularly annoyed spot on the raised flesh of the scar. "A few months."

Ryan leaned over him, looking at his side. "That's an allergic reaction to the sutures they put in the muscles." He placed a hand on John's ribs, pulling at the skin so he could get a better idea of what was wrong. "That's why you've been having a hard time catching your breath and been getting those pains."

John looked at the man, shock clear on his face. "How did you know about those?" He asked, knowing that he hadn't told anyone about the pains.

Ryan chuckled sitting back and rubbing his hand through John's hair, mussing it to an even worse case of bedhead. "I'm a doctor, kid, it's what I do."

John's smirk faltered, his eyes widening as he realized that he could end up back under the knife to correct this. "I won't need surgery, right?"

Ryan sighed, knowing that John had hidden the pains because he was afraid of being on a operating table again. "I'm afraid so, but it'll be a real quick procedure. You'd only have to stay in the hospital overnight, maybe even be able to come home that night."

Clarissa crowded around John and the others, taking a look at the red scar. "Why didn't you tell us about this?" She asked, looking up at his face.

He shrugged, nodding to Ryan. "Because I knew he'd take me under the knife."

Amelia's eyes widened as she slammed her little body against John's chest wrapping her arms around his ribs. "Don't kill him!" She cried, making the room laugh.

Mary peeled her daughter off of John's chest, holding her close. "We're not going to kill him baby. He needs to go to surgery because his body doesn't like what they sewed him up with last time."

"Oh." She looked over at John, noticing that his mood had gone sour. "Are you gonna have another temper tantrum?" She asked, watching as his eyes lightened with humor.

"No, I'm not gonna have another temper tantrum." He chuckled, feeling Claire run her fingers over his abs. "I'm gonna be good today."

"You better be." Claire smiled, hiding her worry for his health as she noticed he had almost no body fat on him. "Or I'll ground you from kissing for a month."

John gasped, pressing a hand to his heart in over exaggerated shock. "You wouldn't dare!"

She smiled leaning her face just a few inches away from his. "Try me."

Dominic chuckled, finishing up a braid in Kaylie's hair and taking the hair tie from Brian as he attempted to learn how to do the complicated weave. "Please, neither one of you would last a day."

John raised a brow, looking at his cousin as he patted Kaylie's shoulders to let her know he was done with her hair. "Wanna bet?" He asked. "Five bucks says we can make three days."

Cody nodded, already thinking about the cash he could rake in. "Ten says you fail in an hour."

Claire crossed her arms, leaning back on the couch. "Twenty says we make it a week."

John held his hands up, waving them in the air to stop the betting. "Woah, woah, woah, let's not get crazy here." He held up three fingers, raising his brows for emphasis. " _Three days_. That's it. No more no less."

Dominic laughed, switching over to Spanish so that no one else would understand. "Ustedes dos tendrán sexo en su lugar."

John shook his head, smirking at his cousin. "Solo despues del matrimonio."

Claire shook her head, leaning her shoulder against John's good one. "You two really need to teach me Spanish."


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty-Five**

John pulled his suit on, smiling as Amelia ran into his room to twirl in her little dress. "Beautiful!" He chuckled, buttoning his blazer over the front of his body. "You look like a proper princess."

She jumped up and down, a huge grin spreading over her face. "You need a crown." She stated, looking at his messy hair.

John shook his head, picking up his blue tie from his bed and looping it around his neck to tie it. "I'm a knight. Knights don't get crowns." He slid the knot closer to his neck, making sure it wasn't tight against his throat. "We get helmets. And only when we're in battle."

Amelia followed him into the bathroom, watching as he scooped some hair gel into his hand and smoothed it over his hair. "You look weird in a suit."

John rinsed his hands, picking up the shaving soap and lathering it over his face. "I feel weird in a suit." He smirked, tapping Amelia's nose with the brush he used to lather his face before shaving. He picked up the razor, carefully dragging it over his cheek and jaw.

"Why do you have to shave?" She asked, watching as he rinsed the blade free of the hair and soap. "Aunt Claire said she likes you with a beard."

He smirked, jumping as he nicked himself. "Fuck." He tore off a piece of toilet paper, sticking it to the bleeding spot in his cheek. "Don't make me laugh." He dragged the razor under his chin, pausing as he saw the kid still wanted her question answered. "I have to shave because if I don't I'll look like a thug and that might make them not like me." He smiled as Claire leaned against the doorframe, returning to the task at hand. "Good morning, Sweets."

Claire watched as his scruff was cut away, revealing baby smooth skin. "I'm sad to see it go." She sighed, as he finished off the last of the two-day growth.

"It'll come back." He stated, wiping the left-over soap off on a towel. He smiled, wishing that he could kiss her, but the bet was still on. "Then I'll be your hairy Greek god again."

She rolled her eyes, adjusting the collar of his button up shirt to hide the necklace. "You're such a nerd." She chuckled, letting her hands rest on his shoulders. "But I do think you're related to Zeus." She chuckled at his reaction.

"Well, that would explain my bad luck." He stated, his lip curling at the thought. "Zeus fucked everything up."

"John." Mary warned as she finished Dominic's tie, smoothing his hair behind his ears and taking his skull earring out. "Watch it."

Dominic rolled his eyes, looking at how much cleaner cut John looked than him. "What are you? A prep now?" He asked, noticing that John had removed his silver ear cuff and the diamond earring temporarily.

John shook his head. "I can still down more vodka than you without getting sick enough to puke it all up when I get home."

Dominic wiped a hand over John's slicked back hair. "Man, you can't even have an empty stomach without puking."

John glared at his cousin, his eyes darkening as he realized he hadn't been hiding his vomiting as well as he'd thought. "Screw you man."

Claire rubbed his shoulders, happy that he'd been able to ditch the sling for his dislocated shoulder. "Give him a break Dom. He's been through a lot, he doesn't need your smart comments on top of it." She turned on John, raising her brows. "And you are not going to be drinking any time soon."

John chuckled, sweeping a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Or ever again."

Amelia looked up at them, watching how in love they were. "Are you going to get married soon?" She asked, hoping that she could be the flower girl.

John laughed, picking the child up and resting her on his stomach. "After Sweets turns eighteen, then we'll get engaged and then married." He looked at the coin ring on Claire's finger. "But first I have to get her a real ring."

She nodded, looking over at Claire. "Can I be the flower girl?" She asked, bouncing on John's hips. "I wanna be in the wedding."

Claire laughed, nodding at her excitement, taking her from John as she noticed he was feeling pain from her bouncing. "Yes, you can be our flower girl, but you have to promise to throw lots of flowers on John when we kiss."

"And not make the gagging sound." John piped up, wanting the wedding to be just as perfect as Claire did. "Or yell gross or do anything you normally do when we kiss."

She pointed a little finger in his face. "Only if you don't stick your tongue in her mouth."

John chuckled, picking the paper off of where he'd nicked himself and tossing it in the trash. "Alright, fine." He picked up a little box, opening it to show a pretty barrette. "Hold still." He swept the child's bangs to the side, pinning them behind her ear and twisting the locks around his finger to make ringlets in the hair. "There." He smirked, kissing her head. "Now you can see where you're going."

Claire smiled, letting the little girl down so she could show her mother what John had done to make her hair pretty. "How did you learn that?" She asked, knowing that getting ringlets without heat took real skill.

He shrugged, pulling out a pack of gum and shoving a stick in his mouth. "I used to help out my grandma with her hair when she lost her sight and couldn't do it herself." He smiled, adjusting his cufflinks that Thomas had loaned him. "I ended up with a lot of time to screw around."

Claire chuckled, pulling out a little bottle of skin toned liquid. "Look at me." She took his chin in her hand, dabbing her fingers in the liquid she'd poured onto the back of her hand.

"What is that?" He asked, letting her blot the stuff onto his face around his eye.

She smoothed it over his skin, letting him pull back when he thought she was too close to his eyeball. "It's makeup." She smoothed it over his browbone, hiding most of the bruising under his eyebrow. "I thought it would help you look halfway presentable."

He chuckled, closing his eyes so that she could get his lid. "What're you gonna do about the split lip?" He asked, noticing the slight lisp he'd been speaking with for the past few days. "Use your cherry red lipstick on me?"

She rolled her eyes, attempting to get the foundation off of his lashes. "No. That one you'll have to live with." She smiled at her work, proud that she'd found the perfect shade for his skin. "There."

John looked in the mirror, smirking at the perfect masking job she'd done on him. "I almost don't look like a thug." He chuckled, wrapping his arm over her shoulder. "All I need is a healed lip, solid bones in my fingers, and something to erase those scars."

Claire shook her head, looking at the pale scars around his neck, just above his collar. "I like your scars. They make you more unique." She poked the dimple in his right cheek, loving that she could see it when he shaved, but missing the tickly scruff at the same time. "Just like the lop-sided dimple, and the little freckle on your ear."

John turned his head, looking at the dark spot on the tragus of his ear. "I never liked that thing." He stated. "Looks like it got some kind of girly piercing."

She pushed on it with her nail, smiling as he bent away from her. "Well _I_ like it." She wrinkled her nose, letting him tap one of her many freckles.

"You say that about everything I don't like."

"Because it's true." She wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling him start to rock her back and forth while he hummed a little tune.

His voice slowly rose to the lyrics as he danced with his girl, smiling as he felt her start to move freely with him. "I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom for me and you, And I think to myself what a wonderful world, I see skies of blue and clouds of white, The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night, And I think to myself what a wonderful world, The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky Are also on the faces of people going by, I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do, They're really saying I love you I hear babies crying, I watch them grow They'll learn much more than I'll never know, And I think to myself what a wonderful world Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world."

"Okay! Everyone in the cars!" Clarissa called, stopping as she saw John and Claire slow dancing to his song. "Oh, I wish I had the camera." She smiled, watching John roll his eyes as he took Claire's hand and started for the cars.

"And I wish I could drive." He stated, taking Amelia's hand as she walked beside him and Claire. "But we can't have everything we want."

Clarissa shook her head, patting Thomas's back as he double checked to make sure he had everything he needed, including the DNA test results and photos of John's hands and wrists to show the raw flesh from the ropes he'd been tied with. "Everything there?" She asked, watching as he adjusted his tie and closed his brief case.

He nodded, glad that she hadn't see the picture of John's x-rays from the months before when John had first been hospitalized for his punctured lung. He didn't want her to see all the places his bones had broken, it was bad enough that she only thought it had been his ribs, leg, and nose, he couldn't imagine if she knew that almost every bone in his body had been broken. "Yep, we've got everything ready to go." He locked the door on his way out, making sure that no one could get inside while they were gone. "God, I'm getting sick of court."

Clarissa laughed, looking at her husband. "You're a lawyer, dear, I thought you chose to be in court."

Thomas shook his head, watching as John started bugging Amelia by poking her side. "I only chose to be there when it's not our kid on trial."

Clarissa nodded, smiling at the fact that Thomas had finally accepted John as his son and not just his daughter's boyfriend. "I don't like that it's him on trial either. But he can handle it." She looked to her husband, taking in the worry on his face. "He's too smart for them to take him in for a false charge, in fact, he could probably handle this entirely on his own."

Thomas chuckled, watching how Claire began poking him in the side and discovering that John was, in fact, ticklish. "He's going to be either a lawyer, a mechanic, or an engineer. There will be no in between with him."

She giggled as John tried to get away from Claire, noticing how he squirmed in her grip as she tickled him. "Either way, he's going to be a great husband and a great father."

"He sure will be." Thomas chuckled, cupping his hands around his mouth as he shouted at his daughter. "Let him breath for a minute Claire! We don't want him getting his suit dirty before he can testify." He shook his head, looking at his wife. "I actually think she's the abusive one in that relationship."

Claire nodded, grinning as she watched the kids. "Poor John. He just can't win."


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty-Six**

John glanced up from his doodles as Jessica walked in, noticing that she was already working up fake tears. "Drama queen." He scoffed, ignoring the cocky look that her lawyer gave him.

Thomas shook his head, standing as the judge called for the evidence to be brought to the stand. "Settle down." He whispered, noticing how John made a face. "I mean it Johnny." He raised his brow at the kid, trying to get his point into his thick skull. "I don't want you having a seizure."

John rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as the judge began to speak. "Court is now in session, the case at hand being that of Johnathan Bender verses Jessica Jenkins on the accusation of rape." He looked to John, waving him forward. "We'll start with Johnathan."

John sighed, standing and adjusting his blazer as he walked up to the stand. He placed his hand on the Bible, raising his right hand and swearing to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

Jessica's lawyer stepped before John, his presents already setting John on edge. "Mister. Bender, is it true, that both of your biological parents are in prison on drug and assault charges?"

John nodded, rubbing his fingers over the hidden burn on his arm. "Yes, Sir. My parents are in prison for drug, assault, and child abuse charges, as well as supplying drugs and alcohol to a minor."

The lawyer smirked knowing that he'd landed on something he could use. "So, you've done drugs in the past?" He asked, his snake eyes drilling into John like icepicks.

John nodded, lifting his hands to tick off the drugs he'd willingly done. "Oxycodone, ketamine, marijuana, and even _one_ hit of heroin when I was desperate to relieve my pain."

"And what of the methamphetamine that you were accused of taking in Shermer?"

John took a breath, licking his lips with frustration. "That drug was in my body a few months ago, but I did not willingly take it." He glanced at Amelia, making sure she was fully engrossed in one of the books he'd bought her. "I was drugged while protecting that child, after she was kidnapped by my best friend's parents and murderers."

"I see." He paced before John for a moment, taking the brunt of John's unnerving Bender stare as nothing moved but his eyes. "Mister Bender, have you relapsed in your addictions in the past few months? Perhaps with either drugs or alcohol?"

John shook his head, knowing that was the truth. "No, Sir. I've been sober for three months and twenty-three days."

He leaned closer to John, smiling as John seemed to pull back from him. "I can smell cigarettes on you. Is it possible you've smoked in the past few days?"

John nodded, drilling his gaze into the lawyer's eyes in a daring challenge. "Yes Sir, but it seems to me like you've had a few in the past couple hours." He cocked an eyebrow, noticing that he started messing with his wedding band around his finger. "I'm sure you can forgive a small relapse of two Marlboro Reds, more than three days ago. After which I burned the rest in the firepit in our backyard."

The lawyer paced a few steps away from John noticing one of the other teens in the back of the courtroom giving him the same unnerving stare. "Mister Bender, did you ever wright obscene letters to Miss Jenkins?" He handed a folder to the judge letting him flip through the papers.

John shook his head, lifting his gaze to try and see what the judge was reading. "No Sir, my only notebook was stolen a few days ago when I was mugged on the street, and even if I did have it, I wouldn't waste that paper on writing porno to the likes of her."

"But you would write those things to other women in your life."

John's lip curled, as he turned his black eyes on the lawyer again. "I think actions speak louder than words." He let his gaze flit to Claire, starting to count the freckles on her nose to help calm him down. "And I prefer to not waste words when it comes to showing my love for someone."

"So, you have had sex before?" He grinned following John's line of sight to Claire. "With her?"

John shook his head, losing track of what freckles he had already counted and what ones he hadn't. "No, Sir. I'm as much of a virgin today as I was the day I was born." He glared at Jessica, before returning his gaze to the lawyer. "I pride myself on waiting for marriage, and always respecting the wishes of my female friends and enemies." He took a breath, checking to make sure Amelia was still distracted. "I saw enough rape in my own home, to know that no one should be put through it."

The lawyer raised a brow. "Were you the one raping women in your home?"

"No, Sir. My father used himself as a punishment to my mother, forcing himself on her when he was drunk, high, or decided to punish her for getting pregnant with me." He took a breath, returning to the task of counting Claire's freckles. "There were days that the rape happened regularly, those being Saturday's, Christmas, my birthday, and their anniversary."

Claire dropped her gaze, unable to meet the pain in John's eyes. She reached for Kaylie's hand, knowing that she and Allison were ready to act as her tether should she need it.

"Mister Bender, was your father present at your birth?"

John shook his head, remembering the glance he'd gotten at the letter. "No, Sir. My Father refused to believe I was his, and to be honest I'm not sure myself, he kicked my mother out when she was in the second trimester of her pregnancy, forcing her to give birth to me in my grandmother's apartment." He bit the inside of his cheek, feeling his muscles tense. "Can we take a break?" He looked up at the judge pleading with him to let him have a break.

The judge shook his head, looking down at the lawyer. "Go on, Mister Kemp."

Mister Kemp grinned, looking like a cat playing with his food. "Is it true, that Miss Jenkin's was alone with you in her uncle's basement?" He asked, not picking up on John's growing anxiety.

"Please." John looked up at the judge again, practically begging for a release from the stand. "Your Honor, please let me go."

Mister Kemp smirked leaning toward the kid. "Afraid we'll come up on something you did wrong?"

John's body gave a mild twitch, making him close his eyes as pain shot through his shoulder.

Thomas stood, pulling John to his feet and holding him tight against his chest. "Your Honor, Johnathan has a history of seizures if he gets too anxious or excited. He's also been known to get them if he feels threatened in any way, either physically, mentally, or sexually. We request a short intermission so that we can get John calmed down before he has an attack."

The judge nodded as realization hit him as to why John had been so desperate for a break. "Alright, ten minutes, but if he isn't well enough to continue in that time, we'll have to reschedule for Monday."

Thomas nodded, slowly pulling John from the room and letting Clarissa wrap him in the weighted blanket they'd found helped to calm him. "Thank you, your Honor."


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter Forty-Seven**

John leaned into Clarissa's body, feeling her hands rub over his back as the threat of a seizure faded. He breathed in the scent that he'd come to recognize as safety, the smell of coffee and cinnamon calming his nerves. He could barely feel Claire's hands on his back, the thickness of the weighted blanket blocking out most of the outside world as he took comfort in his adoptive mother's arms. "I don't wanna go back in." He croaked, his voice thick with emotion. "Don't make me go back in."

Clarissa pulled the blanket farther up on his shoulders, wrapping it around his chest as she wiped the tears from his eyes. "You have to, Baby." She kissed his head, hugging him close again as she saw Kemp exit the courtroom. She glared daggers at the snake, holding John as he shook from his over excited nerves. "Shh… It's okay, you're going to be okay." She whispered in his ear, making sure she kept Kemp in her sight and away from John with her momma bear glare.

Amelia touched John's knee, looking up at her knight with fear in her eyes. "John?" She asked, waiting for him to peek at her from under Clarissa's chin. "Are you scared?"

John gave a broken smile, holding her hand in his. "I am."

Amelia nodded, adjusting the blanket that she knew helped him calm down around his side trying to keep as much weight as possible on his body. "Is Mister Kemp a mean man like the ones that took us?"

John gave a sad excuse for a laugh, making it come out more like a harsh breath than a laugh. "He's more of a snake than a man."

Clarissa rubbed her fingers through his gelled hair, wishing she could feel the soft locks instead of the gel. "You think you can go on?" She asked, smiling as he nodded. "Alright, lets go." She slowly stood, letting him take his time to stand and walk back inside. She took the blanket from his shoulders, kissing his head before the trial started back up. "You've got this."

John nodded, stepping back to the stand. "What was your last question?" He asked, meeting Kemp's eyes.

Kemp smiled, leaning toward the kid. "Were you and Miss Jenkins alone in Mister Jenkin's basement?"

John nodded, running his hand over the bump where the key was hidden. "Yes Sir. But I was unconscious for most of that time."

"And why were you unconscious for that time? Was it because you were to exhausted from raping her that you passed out?" Kemp smirked, leaning against the stand.

"I guess you missed it when I said I'm a virgin. And in case you couldn't get that into your birdbrain, that means I've never had relations with anyone and therefore couldn't have raped her." He let his gaze flit to Amelia, cursing himself for not making sure she was occupied before speaking. "Face it. I haven't done anything wrong."

Kemp motioned for John to step down, looking into the huge crowd that was John's family. "I'd like to call Claire Standish to the stand."

Claire slowly stood, giving John a bright smile as she recited the oath of truth.

Kemp paced before her, ignoring how John's eyes followed him as he moved. "Miss Standish, would you say that John is generally kind and forgiving?"

She nodded, turning her big Bambi eyes up to the slime-ball. "I'd say he's the sweetest man I've ever met."

Kemp nodded, looking at a piece of paper before handing it to the judge. "Has he ever threatened you in anyway? Raised his hands to you? Even hit you?"

Claire's face held pure shock. "He's _never_ hit me." She stated, her hands balling in her blouse to keep her anger down. "He's never showed any aggression toward me, or even raised his voice at me."

Kemp nodded, motioning to the dark spot on her hand from the foundation she'd applied to John's eye. "Is that a bruise?"

She shook her head, rubbing the makeup off to show the pale skin beneath. "It's makeup!"

He looked at her, as if he was undressing her in his mind. "Are you using it to hide any bruises?"

"No!" She stood, lifting her shirt to show her perfect stomach. "John!" She shrieked as his body shielded hers from view. "John, let me show them that you never hurt me."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her shirt down as he refused to move away. "You're not stripping down here." He stated, taking his blazer off and wrapping her in an extra layer. "Not here, not anywhere but in your room, or on our honeymoon."

Kemp grinned, looking at the young couple. "Afraid we'll see something you don't want us too?"

John's shoulders bunched, and Claire knew she had to relax him before he got to worked up again. She ran her hands to the back of his head, pressing just behind his ears making him relax just enough that he wouldn't get in trouble. "Sir, he's just being a protective boyfriend. He does this a lot."

John leaned into her, resting his hands on her hips. "Promise me." He whispered into her ear, feeling her nod as he backed away. He turned to Kemp, the full force of his Bender glare hitting him head on. "I never hit her." He growled, going back to his seat to let him question Claire some more.

Kemp looked at Claire, already brewing up a new set of questions. "Has Johnathan ever caused harm to anyone while protecting you? Has he even sent someone to the hospital for either assault, or even rape?"

Claire glanced at John, not sure if he'd sent someone to the hospital before. "He's never hurt anyone bad enough to go to the hospital before as far as I know, and the only times that he's gotten violent with anyone is when he was attacked by his father in the courtroom in Shermer, and when he felt like we were all being threatened by his father after he escaped prison." She chose not to mention his latest fit after she'd found his destroyed Playboy, knowing that Kemp wouldn't need it. "But he's never lashed out at anyone in our family. He's always been the sweetest man alive to us, and he's been our rock through all of this."

Kemp nodded, motioning for her to step down. "I would like to call our eye witness to the stand, Amelia Johnson."

John sat up straighter, raising his hand as he spoke. "I object." He stated, standing as Amelia started to walk forward. "I'm not letting a seven-year-old testify."

Kemp tilted his head, ignoring the black fire in John's eyes, and the tension in his muscles that resembled a true fighter. "Are you afraid we'll hear something you don't want us to?"

John shook his head, resting his hand on Amelia's back as she clung to his leg for comfort. "No, Sir." He stated, wincing as Amelia's little fingers dug into his inner thigh. "I just don't think that a child should have to testify on her brother's behalf."

Amelia looked up at him, pulling on his belt. "I wanna tell." She stated, as he crouched down to her level. "I wanna help."

John lifted his eyes to Kemp, groaning as he knew that he was backed into a corner and had to let Amelia testify. "Alright, but remember, nothing but the truth and only speak when he asks you a question." He lifted the child into his arms, walking her up to the stand and showing her how to be sworn in. "I'm right here if you need me." He stated, stepping back to his seat but refusing to sit.

"Miss Johnson, can you tell me what you've seen John do at home? Has he ever kissed any of your friends, or touched them without permission?" Kemp asked, forgetting that Amelia was only seven.

"Well, he kisses Claire a lot, but Mommy says it's because he loves her a lot." She looked over at John to make sure she'd said the right thing.

Kemp chuckled, knowing that he'd have to simplify this for the child. "Have John and Claire ever gone into a room together and shut the door?"

She shook her head. "No. He always leaves his door open when he's with a girl. And all they do is sing, and play John's guitar, and write in a notebook." She smiled, remembering the night before when John, Claire, and she had all started singing old Disney songs until John started falling asleep and they had to shut it down. "Sometimes we sing Cinderella and Snow-White songs until one of us falls asleep."

"So, Johnathan and Claire have slept in the same bed together?" He asked, smiling as the child nodded.

"She helps John when he gets bad dreams." She stated, missing how John hung his head at the mention of the nightmares. "She wakes him up if they get too bad and he starts screaming."

"But they've always left the door open at these times?" He asked, becoming disappointed when she nodded.

"It's always open, and he makes me leave it open when I get bad dreams and go cuddle with him too."

"Do you get bad dreams a lot?" He pressed.

"Sometimes."

"And what are these dreams about?"

She swallowed, looking at John as he began fidgeting with his tie. "They're about when John saved me from the bad people, and when he was really sick and no one let me see him." She saw John's face contort with the memory of her seeing him have the seizures, the quilt getting to him from when he'd scared her with them. "He was really sick and we had to shave his hair because it looked bad, and he had blood on his arms when he started twitching on the floor a lot."

"Do you remember why he was twitching a lot?" He asked, hoping to hear more about the meth that had been in John's blood.

She looked up at the man, pulling on one of the ringlets John had twirled into her hair. "He had some bad stuff in his body and it made him sick."

He nodded, ignoring the tears that were brimming in the child's eyes. "And did John put that bad stuff in his body in front of you ever? Maybe with a needle?"

She shook her head, remembering seeing the little plastic thing on the needle sticking out of his bloodied back. "The bad people who took me put a needle in his back and Uncle Tom said that he was drugged and scared when Claire tried to touch him." She looked at her brother, remembering how John had talked him. "Uncle Tom and Daddy had to hold him when the ambulance came and they put him inside."

John's brow furrowed, not remembering any of that. He looked at Thomas, his question clear in his eyes. "Did that really happen?" He whispered.

Thomas nodded, looking up at his adoptive son. "You also tackled Brian when you though he was a threat."

John grimaced, looking over at Brian. "Sorry man."

Brian shrugged, waving him off as he returned his attention to the case. "Don't worry about it. You didn't know what was happening for a couple days afterwards."

"I didn't?"

Clarissa shook her head, remembering how John hadn't recognized any of them for the first two days he'd spent in the hospital. "No. You didn't even remember who we were."

John looked back to Amelia, noticing that she had tears in her eyes. "Alright, that's enough." He walked up to the stand lifting Amelia onto his hip and holing her close to his chest as she started to shake with tears. "No more questions for her." He stopped mid step as Kemp attempted to stand in his way, curling his lip in a snarl. "Let us by."

Kemp shook his head, jumping as John pushed past him, surprised by the force the skinny kid could muster. "Mister Bender, I'm not done gathering information."

John turned on the man, black eyes shining with anger. "Yes, you are." He handed Amelia to her mother, his heart breaking as she clutched to his shirt sleeve. "I'm not letting her testify anymore." He picked her back up, knowing that she wasn't going to let him leave her. "I'm not too keen on an adult making a little kid cry." He rubbed her back, wishing he didn't have the metal splits on his fingers so that he could comfort her better. "Matter of fact, I'm not too keen on making anyone cry in any way."

Kemp glared at him, catching the same glare that John was giving him from on of the other teens in the back. "Fine, but I'll have to ask you the rest of the questions I was going to ask her."

John nodded, looking at the child clutching at his shirt. "Of course, but let me get Amelia calmed down first, then I will be more than happy to answer any questions that I can remember the answers to." He took a seat, reaching for one of the stuffed animals he'd brought incase Amelia got bored. He shushed her, humming a little tune he'd been working on himself that he was still figuring out the words too.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

John gave Amelia over to her mother, turning back to the stand to finish his part of the trial. "Thank you for your patents." He settled into his chair, folding his hands over his chest where Amelia's tears had soaked through his shirt, making the thin white fabric nearly see through.

Kemp looked John over, thinking about his next question. "You coached Miss Johnson with her answers, didn't you?"

John shook his head, lifting his chin higher as he stared the man down. "No, Sir. There was no way I could have known what you were going to ask her. The only thing I coached her with, was telling her that the only thing she should tell is the truth."

Kemp sneered at him, starting to fidget with his ring again making John notice the faint tan line beneath the gold band. "Did you inject the meth yourself? Possibly brainwashing the child to think it was someone else?"

John leaned forward, his dark eyes drilling into Kemp like icepicks. "I never chose to have that drug in my body. I do admit, that the high was incredible, but that doesn't mean I enjoyed it. I knew then that meth will screw you up, I knew then, what I know now." He noticed that Kemp seemed to be gaging his weight and build. "I may have done some hard drugs in my earlier teens, but I knew to stay away from meth. One of my cousins overdosed on that shit, and I had come close to overdosing on other drugs. If it hadn't been for my cousin Dominic always finding me before I could digest the dose of oxy I'd taken in a desperate attempt to stop my pain, I would be dead now."

Claire's eyes widened as she turned to look at Dominic, questioning how he'd managed to stop John from overdosing.

Dominic took two fingers and made a motion like shoving them down his throat, miming how he'd forced John to throw up to stop the drugs from taking his life. He swallowed at the memory of John's limp body in his arms as he'd had to try repeatedly to purge his system. John had almost been dead that night, and Dominic had been forced to dunk him in the icy river to wake him up just enough to make his body react to Dominic shoving his fingers down John's throat.

"How often would you say you tried to overdose?" Kemp asked, pressing to find out just exactly how high John had been.

John shook his head, leaning back in his chair. "I can't say, Sir. My cousin Dominic Bender would be the better one to ask. He's the one who found me and purged my system when he realized what I'd accidentally done."

Kemp nodded, looking to John's family. "Will Dominic please come to the stand?" He let John go back to his seat, noticing how the nearly identical boy from the back came forward.

Dominic placed his hand on the Bible, repeating the words he was told.

Kemp looked away as he got the blunt of Dominic's stare, remembering how unnerving the two boys could be when they worked together. He noticed that Dominic was a similar build to John, but seemed to be a healthier weight, his skin was also a darker tan than John's. "Mister Bender, how many times would you say you found Johnathan in the prosses of an overdose?"

Dominic swallowed at the memory of nearly losing his cousin. "Three." He stated, lifting his hand to show the tooth marks on his fingers. "He took oxycodone on an empty stomach, which made it easier to make him puke." He pointed to the little dent in his fingernail that had never healed. "He wasn't aware of what was happening at those times, and I ended up getting bitten when I shoved my fingers down his throat to force him to live."

"Do you think he tried to overdose on purpose?"

Dominic shook his head, knowing that John had never wanted to kill himself, but wouldn't hesitate if he thought he was dying and wanted to pass in peace. "He's never been suicidal, we made an oath that if one of us was dying of his wounds and took too many pills that we would let them die in peace." He remembered John's side being cut so deep that he could stick his finger into the wound all the way to the last knuckle, and having to burn the wound with his own knife to stop the bleeding. "And I always assessed his wounds before bringing him back to the living world." He looked to his cousin, knowing that he wouldn't remember this last part. "I was lucky enough to have taken a few first aid classes in my freshman year, and I learned how to treat the level of wounds that John often got from his father."

"Did he ever inject himself with any drugs?"

Dominic nodded, remembering his adventure with his parent's heroine. "Like he said he took one hit of heroine when he was fifteen." He remembered having to climb through John's window on the second story of the crooked little house and finding him with his leg bent at an angle that could only mean it was busted clean through. "He never tried that again." He noticed how John rubbed a hand over where the break had been, as if remembering the pain of the break. "His old man busted him up pretty bad that night. I can remember trying to help him set his leg but he was afraid it would hurt worse if I did it, so he set it himself. All I could do was make him bite on a piece of leather from my belt and try to keep him quiet so his dad wouldn't try to kill both of us."

Amelia reached out for John's back, jumping at his quick reaction to her touch. "Did you almost die?" She asked, letting him lift her into his arms and place her in his lap.

He kissed her head, already feeling the strain of the court on his shoulders. "I'm going to live a long, long time." He whispered, holding her close to his chest as she started to play with his tie. "I promise."

Dominic finished his testimony, patting his cousin's shoulder as the judge excused them for lunch. "Johnathan," he started, looking over his glasses at the boy, "since the charge was made against you, I am sorry to tell you that you are not allowed to eat with your family." He nodded to one of the doors at the side of the room. "You must eat with Mister Standish in a private meeting room."

John nodded, standing to walk to the room after Thomas. "Thank you, your Honor." He closed the door, leaning his head against the heavy oak as he listened to his family walk away. "Fuck." He hissed, feeling his stomach try to flip inside of him, but forcing the vomit down.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty-Nine**

John rested his head on his arms, listening to Thomas chew on his meatloaf sandwich. "Can you be any louder?" He groaned, trying to ignore the smell of the food and settle his stomach.

Thomas pushed John's peanut-butter and jelly toward him, as another attempt to get the kid to eat. "If you would eat, maybe you wouldn't be so annoyed." He smiled as John lifted his head to glare at him, unfazed by his cutting gaze. "Eat." He stated, tapping the table beside John's sandwich.

John shook his head, pushing the food back toward Thomas's arm. "Not hungry." He stated, resting his chin on his fist.

Thomas sighed, knowing that the kid hadn't eaten anything in the last thirteen hours since the night before when he'd gone to bed. "You're gonna get sick if you don't eat." He stated, taking another bite of his sandwich and following it with a drink of his coke.

John shrugged, tracing his finger through some crumbs on the table. "I'm already sick." He mumbled, pushing the sandwich away again. "I don't want it." He growled, getting tired of fighting Thomas on the matter of food.

"John." Thomas spoke in a tone that only a true father could use. "Eat."

John looked up at him, defiance in his eyes. "No."

"Johnathan. Eat Goddamn it." He pushed the food toward John again, refusing to take no for an answer.

"No." John stated, pressing a hand to his stomach as an attempt to calm it.

"John! Eat the damn-" Thomas was cut off as John rushed to the nearest trashcan, his face paling as John retched into the bin. He watched as the kid spit the yellow bile into the can, wishing that he'd picked up on John's queasiness sooner.

John went to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, pausing when Thomas handed him a handkerchief. He took the cloth, wiping his mouth with it before spitting the last of the excess saliva into the garbage. "Thanks." He coughed, letting Thomas rub his back as he focused on his breath. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"What for?" Thomas asked, squeezing the base of John's neck like he used to do with Claire and her brother when they were young.

John shook his hand off, looking up at the older man hoping to convey his honesty. "I should have just told you I don't feel good."

Thomas nodded, placing John's blazer on his shoulders. "Why don't we take a walk? See if that'll settle your stomach." He smiled as John nodded, patting the taller boy on the back as they left the room. "Hopefully we can figure out how to settle your stomach so you can eat." He patted John's stomach, giving a sad smile at how thin the boy was. "Maybe we can get you to pack on some fat there."

John chuckled, lifting his gaze as he noticed something down the hall from them. "Is that Kemp?" He asked, noticing that he was talking to a young, plump woman who was wearing a huge diamond ring.

Thomas nodded, noticing that John's limp had suddenly become worst than normal. "Is your leg hurting you?" He asked, his brow furrowing as John's step returned to his normal pattern in a matter of seconds.

John shook his head, keeping an eye on Kemp. "He has hair plugs." He stated, looking back to Thomas. "He's been married for at least a year, but the plugs are new."

Thomas looked at the kid, wondering what was going through that puzzle piecing mind of his. "What're you getting at?"

John stopped, leaning against the wall. "When a woman, who's been happily married for some time, finds another man she wants to impress, but doesn't want to get a divorce, she will often get breast implants." He raised a brow. "Men, will do the same thing, but with a toupee, or _hair plugs._ " He nodded to Kemp. "My guess, is he's cheating on his wife."

Thomas tilted his head, wondering how the kid could piece things like that together. "What if he isn't?"

John popped his knuckles on his good hand, cocking a brow as Kemp kissed his wife goodbye before disappearing into one of the offices, followed a few minutes later by a leggy blonde. "If he isn't I'll be a horse's ass." He started down the hallway, walking on silent feet as he slid his back against the wall. "I'll bet you that they're banging each other on some poor slob's desk."

Thomas chuckled, following John's lead -though not quite as silently as John. "Why are you so obscene?" He asked, noticing how John slowly peaked over the window in the door, his dark eyes widening like a curious puppy sniffing something new out.

John shushed him, ducking down and pressing his ear to the door. "Yep, they're fucking on the desk."

"Johnathan Kurtis Bender." Thomas scolded, trying to not laugh at John's expression of disgust. "What's wrong?"

John jerked away from the door, his lip curling as he backed away from it. "I think that they're killing a goat in there."

Thomas shook his head, pulling John back toward their meeting room. "Honestly, I don't want to hear it."

John smirked, trying to recreate the noise.

"Johnathan Kurtis!" Thomas scolded, covering his mouth to stop John from making the awful sound. "Knock it off."

John laughed, shoving Thomas away from him. "Just gathering evidence."

"That is evidence I didn't need to hear." Thomas handed him a water bottle, smiling as John happily drank the liquid. "And I don't want to hear it ever again."

"Sure thing, Dad." He chuckled, standing as the warning bell for court to be back in session rang. "I don't want to hear that shit again either."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter Fifty**

John smiled at Claire, wishing that he could kiss her. "How was lunch?" He asked, hoping that she'd liked the sandwich he'd made her.

She brushed her fingers over the bruise around his eye, sighing as she noticed that the makeup needed touched up. "Sit down." She ordered, pulling the foundation bottle from her purse and dabbing some over the black and blue skin around his eye. She jumped as he jerked back, knowing that she'd caused him pain. "You alright?" She asked, screwing the cap back onto the bottle.

He nodded, taking her hand and guiding it back to his cheek. "I'm fine." He smiled, turning his eyes toward the ceiling as she blended the makeup into his natural skin. "I'm tougher than I look." He chuckled, digging his hand into his pocket and pulling out a stick of gum.

She rolled her eyes, tracing her finger over his split lip. "You look tougher than you are, right now." She smirked at the fake hurt on his face. "Oh, stop with that. I know you're faking."

He laughed, leaning his head into her stomach, breathing in her scent. "Are you wearing a different perfume today?" He asked, looking up as Jessica and Mister Kemp walked into the courtroom.

She nodded, smoothing his hair back into place as she noticed some of the gel had given way to his stress. "It's Kaylie's Opium. I ran out of my stuff."

John shook his head, smiling up at her and ignoring Jessica's glare. "I like yours better."

She smiled, cupping his cheek in her hand as she looked into those deep pools he had for eyes. "Don't have an attack." She patted his face just hard enough to make his skin pinken. "And try to stay calm."

He nodded, looking over as he noticed Jessica talking to Thomas and Kemp. "I'll try." He stated, standing and walking over to the three.

"I want to see if we can work things out on our own, maybe I can even get him to admit he was in the wrong." She looked over her shoulder locking eyes with John as he approached them. "If he admits that to me alone, I will relinquish the charges and we can both move on with our lives."

John paused a few feet away from her, watching as Thomas seemed to consider what she was offering. "What are the conditions for this agreement?" He asked, stepping toward the witch and her pet snake.

She looked up at him, batting her thick lashes at him. "That we meet alone in the meeting room, no lawyers, no judges, no overprotective family members. Just you and me."

John looked at Thomas, walking a few paces away with him. "I think she's got something up her sleeve." He whispered, knowing that Jessica was playing an angle. "But I've got an idea as to how we can shut this down."

Thomas nodded, knowing that John was a smart kid and knew a lot of the system. "What were you thinking?"

John ran a hand over his chest, tapping the spot over his heart. "I wear a wire." He stated, his gaze drifting over to Jessica and her uncle. "If I'm going to be alone with her, I want a wire. That way, whatever she says, can and will be used against her."

Thomas took this into consideration. "Alright, but we'll be right outside of the door if you need us." He smiled, patting John's shoulder as he turned back to the others. "John accepts the offer, just give us a few minutes to get together before we turn these two into the same room together."

Kemp nodded, leading Jessica away from them as Thomas began speaking to the judge. "If you try any funny business, I'll hang you with your own dick." He growled at John, jumping when the kid snapped his gum. "Is that nicotine gum?" He asked, watching as John pulled the pack from his pocket.

"Nope. It's normal everyday Bubblemint." He smirked, blowing a bubble to prove his point. "Just a nice flavor and something to keep me busy."

Kemp shook his head, pointing a finger at the kid. "I've got my eye on you, kid."

John chuckled, switching his gum to the other side of his mouth. "Feel free to keep it there. I didn't do jack shit, and that DNA test will prove it." He walked with Thomas out of the room, noticing the little razor in his hand. He leaned toward him, noticing the cops tailing them. "What's the razor for?" He asked, knowing that he'd never had much hair on his chest and what he did have hardly counted as hair and was more of a couple strands of dark string.

Thomas chuckled, opening the bathroom door and motioning for John to take his shirt off. "We've gotta shave you down so that your hair doesn't get ripped off."

John shrugged out of his shirt, letting Thomas spray his chest with the aerosol shaving cream that John couldn't stand. He'd always preferred the bar and brush over the canned stuff, knowing that it always burned after he ran the blade over his face. "I don't have much to call hair there." He stated, feeling the razor slide over his pecs, making the shaving cream burn his skin as it became raw from the multiple blades as opposed to John's old straight razor he'd been using since he had first hit puberty and had needed to start shaving. "I mean, it's not like my beard. My body decided that all the hair needed to be on my face and not on my body."

Thomas shook his head, noticing how John's skin became red from the friction of the razor. "Well, you've still got a little fuzz there and it'll hurt if that gets ripped off." He paused as John flinched back, letting him turn away to inspect the nick on one of the scars that was close to his nipple. "You alright?" He asked, noticing how John expertly put pressure on the bleeding spot and stopped the blood in a matter of seconds.

John nodded, taking a paper towel and wiping it over his chest to rid it of the left-over foam. "Yeah." He stated, turning back to Thomas to let him start the prosses of hooking up the wire to his body. "That's why I like the straight razor better." He stated, jumping when Thomas pressed the cold, sticky glue pad to his skin. "Shit, that's cold."

Thomas shook his head, attaching the recording devise to the glue pad and letting John pull his shirt back on before expertly snaking the wire for the microphone up his shirt and hiding the mic in the hem of his blazer. "I think you're just hot all the time." He chuckled, making sure the wire wasn't visible under his clothes. "I know Amelia likes you when she's cold."

John shrugged, readjusting his tie around his neck. "That damn twenty-four-hour thing she had her feeling like she was freezing." He remembered the child burning up in his arms as he'd held her close while she shook. "She had a bad fever that night."

Thomas nodded, patting the kid on the back as they started back toward the courtroom. "I'm surprised you didn't catch that."

John looked down at the shorter man, his eyes the color of whiskey that always proved his honesty. "Who says I didn't?" He could remember Allison's birthday, how he'd been feeling like death but had forced himself to act normally so that no one knew he was sick.

"You mean, you were sick?" Thomas asked, watching as John nodded.

"Sicker than a dog."

"We never would have guessed."

John nodded, adjusting his watch around his wrist. "Because you've only seen me sick with withdrawals." He straightened his posture, popping a couple vertebrae in his back. "You've never seen me with a cold."

Thomas looked up at Claire, watching as she blew her nose and gave a little cough. "I guess that explains why Claire Bear isn't feeling good."

John grimaced, stepping toward Jessica at one of the meeting room doors. "Yeah, I wasn't really thinking that clearly."

Jessica sighed, watching as John walked forward. "Well? Are you finally ready?"

John nodded, walking inside the room with her on his heals. He heard something mechanical move in the corner moving only his eyes to look at it. A camera focused itself on them, the lends barely visible through the little hole it the wall it was hidden in. He turned to her, resisting the urge to scratch at the glue on his chest. "What do you want, Medusa?" He asked, making sure to keep her in full view of the camera and not letting his body block the image.

She slunk forward, walking her fingers up his sternum to find the key under his shirt. "I want you to make this case go away." She smiled, her green eyes flashing.

"And how do I do that?" He asked, pushing her hand off of him as she got close to the wire.

She smiled, her hands moving to his hips, and eventually into his back pockets. "All you have to do, is surrender yourself, mind, body, heart, and soul." She dug her nails into his butt as he tried to pull away, taking joy in the slight reaction of pain she got from him. "I want you to fuck me, right here, right now. No holding back, no breaking up with Claire, just you and me. Down and dirty, with me bent over the table and you fucking me fast and hard."

John shook his head, trying to get out of her grip. "That price is too high."

She slid her hands to his belt, slipping her fingers into his waistband. "The price is never too high if you love the person." She purred, jerking him toward her as he tried again to escape her.

John pulled her hands out of his pants, looking into her eyes. "Do you even know what love is?" He asked, knowing how confusing that subject could be.

She nodded, trying to get closer to him and press her body against his so that he could feel her breasts against him. "I know it's what I feel for you." She purred, squeaking as John turned away from her and started toward the door. "Where are you going?" She asked, anger flaring in her veins.

John turned to her, pulling the key out from the collar of his shirt. "To be with the one I love." He sighed at the tears in her eyes. "Jessica, maybe if you weren't so desperate for attention, you could find someone really special. Maybe you could even find someone a lot better than me."

"You belong with me John." She cried, reaching for his shirt sleeve. "We were meant for each other."

John shook his head, pushing her hand off of him as gently as he possibly could. "Jessica, I was meant to be with Claire." He handed her an old handkerchief, flinching when she slapped it away from her.

"You were meant to be with me! Not a slut like Claire!"

John sighed, looking at Jessica with pity. "I'm happy that I'm sober now, because I could have ended up so blinded by drugs and alcohol that I might have actually believed that was true." He shook his head, opening the door and walking out. "But I wouldn't believe that now." He closed the door, listening to Jessica scream as he took Claire's hand in his, resting his head against hers. "I love you." He stated, his eyes meeting hers, as he wiped a lone tear from her cheeks.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty-One**

John walked into the bathroom, already unbuttoning his shirt and pulling at the wire attached to his chest. He winced as the glue pulled at his raw skin, wishing that they could have just left the hair on his body. "Fuck." He hissed, getting some soap from the dispenser and lathering it over the sticky part of his chest to rid it of the residue. He frowned at the little red blotches under the glue, noticing how they itched like crazy. "How the hell…" He jumped as Kemp burst through the door, Thomas right behind him.

"Did you hit Jessica?" He asked, pointing a finger in John's face as he rushed to button his shirt.

"No, Sir." He stated, shrugging into his baser again and buttoning it over his stomach. "I've never hit a woman, and I never will." He held up the wire, popping the tape out and handing it to Kemp. "There was also a camera in that room, and if you look at the footage, you'll see what happened."

Thomas's brows shot up, surprised that John had seen a camera. "I never noticed a camera in there."

John smirked, smoothing his hair back from his forehead. "It was hidden in the back-left corner in a hole in the wall."

Kemp turned his snake eyes on John, holding the tape up. "You had a wire on?"

John nodded, spitting his old gum into the trash and pulling another stick from his pocket. "Yes, Sir." He snapped the gum, blowing a bubble before finishing his answer. "I'm recommend playing that in a Walkman so that Amelia doesn't start repeating what was said." He chuckled, remembering how she'd started repeating what he said. "We've already had to scold her for repeating what I say when I slip up."

Thomas shook his head. "You slip up an awful lot."

John glared at him, his eyes betraying him by turning to a deep brown that always showed love. "I'm getting better about it."

Thomas nodded, giving him a little grace. "At least the F-bomb isn't every other word out of your mouth anymore."

"Are we going back the trial, or are you two going to squawk about cursing all day?" Kemp asked, walking out the door and back to the court room.

John scratched over his shirt, happy that his nails were somewhat long from not cutting them for a few days. "Sour puss." He smirked, stopping his scratching when Thomas looked at him. "I'll bet we're gonna need to cover Amelia's ears when he plays that shit."

Thomas opened the door to the courtroom, watching John's reaction to the huge bruising mark on Jessica's cheek. "She said you gave it to her."

John sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. "She's batshit crazy."

Kemp rolled out a television, and John could see that he had a tape in his hand. "Mister Bender, I have new evidence to show the court, it just came in from Illinois from someone who wants to help prove your innocence." He popped the tape into the TV, smirking at John's reaction to his mother's face on the screen.

Beverly looked into the camera, with what looked like remorse. "Johnny, I want to start off by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let your father put you through what he did. I'm sorry that I did nothing to stop it." She wiped a tear from her eye. "I wish I could have been a better mother to you. I would like to tell you that while I've been sober here, I confronted Rachel about drugging you and she can never hurt you or your new family again." She sighed, her breath shaky with the next sentence. "I guess I should tell them about our past. My son did some hard drugs in the past, I can't say all that he did, but I know he would never had raped a woman like his father did to me."

John stood, rushing from the room like he couldn't get away fast enough. He slammed his hands into the doors to the courtroom, his footsteps becoming faster until he was running down the hallway.

Clarissa looked at her husband, taking his hand as they rushed after their adoptive son. "John-" She was cut off by the harsh sobs coming from around the corner, pulling Thomas to a stop as they listened to the boy cry. "We should have looked at it first." She whispered, her heart aching with each hiccupping sob from the child. "We never should have let Kemp play that."

Thomas nodded, pulling his wife close as John's cries became harsh screams of frustration. "I know."

Kemp walked up to them, listening as John's fists pounded into the tiled flooring. "We need him for the rest of the trial." He stated, trying to push past the parents to get to John.

Clarissa shoved herself in front of him, pushing him back from John. "Get away from my son." She growled, her eyes like pits of fire. "You never should have played that. You should have asked to show him that." She jumped as John's sobs stopped, turning to Thomas with fear in her body language. "Keep Kemp away." She stated, rushing around the corner to see John curled in the fetal position, his hands covering his head as if trying to block the world out. She knelt beside him, reaching her hand toward him. "Baby?" She made sure he knew that she was there before touching him, gasping at his sudden reaction to her.

He sat up, pulling her into a bone crushing hug as his tears soaked into her dress. "Mom…" He cried, burying his face into her shoulder. "She, she's not sor-sorry." He hiccupped, his hands clutching at her back like she was a lifeline. "She never was."

Clarissa shushed him, rubbing her hand over his back. "Pumpkin… I think she was." She winced as his fingers dug into her back, feeling his strength being used even though he didn't know it. "I talked to her the day that your withdrawals reached their peak."

John pulled back, his eyes shining with tears. "You did?" He croaked, letting her touch his face to wipe the tears away.

She nodded, kissing his head. "I did." She smiled, lifting his chin so that he was looking her in the eye. "And you know what I told her?"

He shook his head, blinking as more tears escaped his eyes. "What?"

She tapped his nose, her smile widening. "I told her that you are my child, and she has no rights to you."

John gave a broken smile, feeling her brush a lock of his hair behind his ear. "I like that." He whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around her. "I like that a lot."

She chuckled, pressing her nose into his hair and breathing his scent that Claire seemed to love so much. "I'm glad." She whispered, patting his back like she would to comfort a crying baby, realizing that John had probably never felt this love before. "You're my baby, and nothing can take you away from me."

John gave a sad excuse for laugh, taking comfort in her grasp. "Even if I fuck up?"

She shook her head, rubbing her fingers in soothing circles on his back. "You couldn't mess up bad enough." She made him look at her, holding his shoulders as his dark eyes looked into hers. "Because a true mother would never abandon her child, no matter how they mess up."

John smiled, closing his eyes as he took comfort in the act of love that was so foreign to him. "Thanks Mom." He whispered, feeling a weight lift from his heart as she held him. "I like you better than Beverly."

She laughed, looking down at the child leaning against her chest. "I would hope so!"

He curled closer to her, finally feeling like he had a real mom for once in his life. "I can't wait until I marry Claire so that we can be a real family."

She smiled, rocking him back and forth as she hummed a song to help calm him. "We're already a real family."

John listened to the vibrations in her chest, knowing exactly what song it was. "The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken And I hung my head and I cried You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know, dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away I'll always love you and make you happy If you will only say the same But if you leave me to love another You'll regret it all some day You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know, dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away You told me once, dear, you really loved me And no one else could come between But now you've left me and love another You have shattered all my dreams You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away." He sang with her, letting the music flow through him, ignoring the strain the simple song put on his aching throat. "I love you Mom." He whispered, listening to her heart.

She pulled him closer, over joyed that he'd finally said that to her. "I love you too, Pumpkin." She looked down at him, feeling his breathing start to even out. "Do you think you can go back inside?"

He nodded, slowly standing and adjusting his blazer as he started back for the courtroom. "I want the DNA tests opened." He stated, letting Clarissa hold his hand as they met Thomas at the corner arguing with Kemp about showing things to a minor without asking his guardians first. He looked at Thomas, glancing between him and Kemp. "I'm ready."

Thomas patted John's shoulder, glaring at Kemp as they walked back to the room. "I'm asking the judge if he'll play our tapes next." He stated, letting John sit with the rest of the family. "We will win this."


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter Fifty-Two**

John watched as Thomas opened his DNA test results, noticing how Kemp did the same with Jessica's. "Your Honor, as you can see, the results don't match." He looked at Kemp, holding his hand out for the tape. "Do you still have the tape from John's wire?" He asked, raising a brow at Kemp.

Kemp nodded, handing him the tape. "Even if I wanted to I couldn't destroy it." He stated, glaring at John as the kid pulled Amelia into his lap and placed some headphones on her ears.

The judge nodded, taking the tape and placing it in a stereo and pressing play.

Jessica's voice came over the speakers, the purring tones of a cat. "All you have to do, is surrender yourself, mind, body, heart, and soul. I want you to fuck me, right here, right now. No holding back, no breaking up with Claire, just you and me. Down and dirty, with me bent over the table and you fucking me fast and hard."

The judge shut the tape off, motioning for the video tape to be played on the TV. He watched as John tried multiple times to pull away from Jessica, as she stuck her hands in his pockets. "Well, it looks to me, like Johnathan is innocent." He stated, looking down at John and Thomas. "I am truly sorry about this whole fiasco." He turned to Jessica and Kemp. "You however, are now facing charges of prudery, false accusations, and in general wasting the courts time."

John smiled, giving a cocky look at Kemp. "Honesty starts at home." He whispered, lifting Amelia onto his hip as they stood to leave.

Kemp glared at him, wondering what he meant by that. "You little shit." He muttered, watching John leave the room with his family.

* * *

John burst through the door to the house, tossing the blazer as soon as he was in the entryway following closely with his pants. "Freedom!" He shouted, bolting up the stairs to his room.

Dominic followed suit, stripping all the way down to his boxers. "Finally!"

Clarissa shook her head, watching as the cousins streaked through the upper level of the house in their underwear. "Go put some pants on boys!"

Dominic paused for a moment, stripping his last layer off and tossing the boxers over the balcony. "I cannot be controlled!"

Mary shook her head, covering Amelia's eyes to shield her from the naked boy running above them. "Dominic Alejandro Bender!" She shouted, listening as John and Dominic started throwing pillows at each other. "Put some pants on!"

"Get away from me!" John shouted, a loud thud echoing through the house as one of them fell.

"Dominic! Leave John alone!" Vernon ordered, listening as John started screaming for Dominic to stop tickling him. "You're gonna trigger a seizure!"

"OFF!" John laughed, a boom going through the house as Dominic started shouting that his nose was broken.

"You broke it asshat!"

"I'm not responsible for your injuries!" John retaliated.

Jan sighed, watching as the three girls ran to their rooms to change into their old clothes. "Dominic and John, I'm going to count to three and it you do not have pants on when I come up there, I am taking your instruments away for a month." She chuckled as she heard the boys scramble into their rooms. "I swear, those boys are going to send us to an early grave." She took the blazers from the other young men of the household, placing them in the laundry basket that they'd started keeping by the door for muddy clothes to go into when they came inside.

Clarissa chuckled, walking up the stairs to check on Dominic's nose. "Please dear God let us live until I can have grandbabies." She knocked on John's doorframe, peeking inside to see him scratching at a red splotch on his chest. "Johnny?" She walked into his room, pulling his hand away from the rash. "What's this from?" She asked, running her fingers over his skin.

He shrugged, resisting the urge to itch at the bumps. "I think it was the glue for the wire."

She sighed, starting for the door. "I'll be back with some ointment in a minute."

John smirked, watching her leave. "Thanks Mom."

She nodded, looking at her adoptive son. "Anything else you want?" She asked, smiling as he thought for a moment. "No sugar."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine a diet Coke then."

"Alright, I'll be back in a little bit." She shut his light off, pointing at the exhausted boy on his bed. "Get some rest. If you're not too tired maybe you won't have as many nightmares."

He chuckled, curling up under his blankets and closing his eyes. "Wake me up at dinner." He yawned, feeling Amelia climb into his bed. "Hey squirt." He smiled, listening as Clarissa left his room. "Wanna take a nap with me?"

She nodded, playing with the key around his neck. "They're not gonna take you away, are they?"

John shook his head, poking her side and making her laugh. "Nope. I'm gonna be here a long, long time."

She cuddled up against his warm chest, feeling how the fuzz on his skin had been shaved off. "That's good." She yawned, letting him unclip her hair and take her necklace and bracelets off. "I don't want you to leave."

He chuckled, pulling her little cardigan off and tossing it to the floor before taking her dress shoes off. "I won't." He closed his eyes, leaning back into the pillows as she began to mumble in her sleep. "Goodnight, Sugar." He smiled, letting the warm waves of sleep over take him.


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter Fifty-Three**

John smiled, when Claire turned his light on, noticing the tube of ointment in her hand. "Hey doc." He chuckled, rubbing his eyes as he tried to not wake Amelia up.

Claire smiled, pushing his blanket farther down on his chest and squeezing some paste onto her fingers to rub over his rash. "I swear, you have the most sensitive skin I have ever seen." She smeared the medicine over the rash, noticing that she still had way too much on her fingers. "Shit." She whispered, grabbing a tissue from his nightstand and wiping it off on that.

John smirked, pulling her down so that she was kissing him. He let her lay on his chest, feeling her shift so that her whole body was on top of him. He ran his fingers through her hair, relishing in the feeling of her. "I love you." He whispered, pressing another kiss to her lips.

She smiled, slipping her hands under his shoulders and feeling his muscles move to allow her between his body and the bed. "I love you." She breathed, looking into his deep brown eyes, noticing that they were the rich dark chocolate that showed his love.

He kissed her neck, gently suckling on her skin, turning it to a dark purple. "I love you more."

She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart and ignoring the scent of the rash cream. "I love you most."

He chuckled, tracing his fingers over the little sliver of skin above her waistband and under her shirt hem. "That's impossible."

She closed her eyes, taking comfort in his body pressing against hers. "I'm happy you're okay." She mumbled, resting her chin on his sternum to look at his face. "You scared me when you ran out."

He nodded, closing his eyes so he could force himself to be surrounded by her. "I'm sorry." He felt her shift, her knees resting on either side of his hips. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just couldn't stand to see her."

Claire nodded, holding him tighter. "She's got a life sentence now…" She stated, feeling his muscles tighten.

"What did she do?" He asked, knowing that she'd only had a five-year sentence when they'd left Shermer.

Claire kissed his collar bone, burying her nose in his neck. "She killed Rachel for drugging you." She yelped as he suddenly tensed, afraid that this might be a seizure. "Are you okay?" She asked, pressing her hands to his face.

He nodded, rolling until she was underneath him, startling when Amelia woke up.

"What're you doing?" The kid yawned, rubbing her eyes as she took in the pair kissing beside her.

John breathed a laugh, pushing himself off of Claire. "Claire was telling me how much she loves me, and I was returning the favor."

She tilted her head, looking at John's scrawny form. "By laying on her?"

Claire chuckled, lifting Amelia up as they left his room. "Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes." She smiled, knowing that John had to be hungry and not feeling well from not eating all day. "Mom and Brian made spaghetti for you."

He grinned, pulling on an old ratty hoodie that had a Superman logo on it. "Awesome." He chuckled, stretching his arms above his head as he got out of bed. "Oh shit." He looked up at his girl, his face having the look of a teen who'd forgotten to go his chores. "We lost the bet."

She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "It was worth it." She chuckled, taking Amelia to her room to get into pajamas. "I'll meet you downstairs."

John smirked, starting down to the dinning room. He didn't bother to hide his limp, knowing that he was completely safe here. He breathed in the scent of cooking spaghetti sauce, loving the smell of basil and other Italian spices in the kitchen.

Clarissa smiled, giving him a hug as he grabbed his diet Coke from the fridge. "Good evening, Pumpkin." She ran her hand over the bump where his incision scar was. "Ryan wants to take you in on Monday morning for that." She tapped her finger over it, noticing his behavior change. "None of that." She scolded, holding out a spoonful of marinara sauce to him. "Try this." She ordered, holding her hand under the spoon as she lifted it to his lips.

He took the spoon in his mouth, tasting the sauce on his tongue. "Mmm!" He exclaimed, nodding to tell her that it was good. "That's it, Mom. Perfect as always." He popped the top on his Coke, taking a drink as he waited for dinner to finish cooking. "How the hell are you two so good at cooking?" He asked, pushing himself to sit on the counter.

Brian looked up from the noodles he was boiling, shaking his head as John burped. "I guess it's a learned skill." He dropped his gaze as he realized what he'd said. "Sorry."

John shrugged, taking another drink of his soda. "You're right. It's a learned thing and I never got that chance." He jumped down from the counter, walking over to try and help Brian. "Do you need me to help with something?" He asked, discreetly slipping his hand into the candy jar and grabbing a sucker.

Brian pointed to the colander beside the sink. "Can you hold that while I pour the noodles in it?"

John nodded, picking up the strainer and letting Brian dump the noodles in. "So, do we have to rinse these now?"

Brian shook his head taking the colander from him and placing the noodles onto a plate. "Get the butter for me, please."

John nodded, handing him the butter and lifting the little silver lid on the tray. "How much do you put on?"

Brian took a butter knife and cut the stick in half. "About two or three tablespoons." He rubbed it over the pasta smiling as it melted into the food.

"Huh." John looked up at the younger boy, tilting his head. "I guess I never knew the difference between a tablespoon, a teaspoon, and a regular spoon." His brown furrowed. "What is the difference?"

Clarissa chuckled, turning to look at the boys. "It's the size." She pulled the sucker from his mouth, tossing it in the trash. "What did I tell you about sugar?"

He smirked, rubbing a hand over his chest. "That Sweets is the only sugar I get."

"Johnathan…" She sighed, looking up as the rest of the family filed into the dining room. "What am I going to do with you?"

John shrugged placing the pasta on the table next to the marinara sauce and garlic bread. "Love me."

She rolled her eyes, patting him on the back. "I guess that's all I can do." She looked at the family. "Dig in, everyone!"


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter Fifty-Four**

John twirled the pasta around his fork, shoving the food into his mouth. "So, what're we doing tomorrow?" He asked, looking out the window at the setting sun.

Jan shrugged, noticing something on Claire's neck. "Is that a hickey?" She asked, brushing Claire's hair away from the mark.

"No." Claire rushed to cover the bruise, her face turning bright pink.

Clarissa stood, looking at the mark. "Johnathan Kurtis Bender." She turned to the boy, noticing that he was hiding behind his hand as he shoveled food into his mouth. "Johnathan. Look at me."

John shook his head, stuffing his mouth with a piece of garlic bread. "Johnathan is gone, I am only a ghost left from him dying of fear."

Amelia laughed, poking his side. "You're not a ghost. You're a knight."

John raised his brows trying to send the message for her to shut up. "No I'm a ghost. Ghost's don't get in trouble."

"Johnathan! Look at me!" Clarissa ordered, her tone sending the kid bolting from his chair and outside. "John! Come back here!"

"No! You're gonna kill me!"

Clarissa shook her head, listening as a loud splash echoed from the pool. She sighed, knowing that he'd most likely fallen in since he wasn't the biggest fan of swimming. "Dominic Alejandro, go rescue your cousin."

He shook his head, remembering the last time he'd had to rescue John from water. "Uh uh. Too many bad memories." He shuddered at the memory of John's limp body when he'd risked his last overdose.

Kaylie stood, knowing that she was the strongest swimmer out of all of them. "I'll get him." She walked out the backdoor, looking at the soaked shivering Bender on the edge of the pool. "He's fine."

Clarissa marched out of the house, Thomas close on her heals. "John, front and center." She pointed to the deck at her feet, taking a towel from Claire to wrap the chilled kid in when he got to them.

He pushed himself up, wrapping his drenched hoodie closer around himself as an attempt to stay warm in the coastal wind. "I'm sorry Mom…" He let her drape the towel around his shoulders, shying away from Thomas as they walked inside. "I just really love her."

Clarissa shook her head, sitting him on a sofa in the back sitting room to dry off by the fireplace. "Johnathan, we're not going to hurt you, but wait until the wedding night to give her hickeys." She rubbed another towel over his hair, drying it off and causing it to stick up in all directions. "Honestly, didn't anyone ever tell you not to run around the pool?"

John shivered again, pressing closer to Clarissa for warmth. "No."

Thomas sat beside them, patting John on the back and trying to rub some warmth back into him. "If you had more fat on you, you wouldn't be so cold right now."

John looked up at him, wrinkling his nose. "I'm trying to get some fat on me."

Ryan handed John an electric blanket, plugging it into the wall. "If you would stop lifting those damn weights, you could put it on faster."

Claire nodded, taking his hands in hers and blowing on them to warm them up. "I think you'd look better with a little fat on you."

John leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her lips. "And here I thought all girls liked muscles and no fat."

She rolled her eyes, tapping his nose with her finger. "I'm gonna get you some tea." She smiled, standing to go boil some water.

John started to smile, but was cut off by a sneeze. "Shit." He sniffled, taking a tissue from Thomas and blowing his nose. "I better not be getting sick."

Ryan nodded, agreeing with the kid. "If you do, we'll have to postpone your surgery."

John looked up, hope shining in his eyes. "In that case, I hope I do get sick."

Clarissa shook her head, knowing that John was nervous about the operation. "John, you will be fine. I'll even stay at the hospital with you while you're there." She kissed his head, another idea popping into her head. "We can even bring your favorite blanket and pillow. The one's that smell like Claire."

He nodded, taking the warm cup of tea from Claire as she handed it to him. "Okay…" He looked at Dominic, a thought popping into his head. "Just in case something happens, I guess you should know that me and Dom are the same blood type."

Dominic nodded, remembering the time they'd found all their records and used them to get their fake IDs. "AB positive."

Ryan looked up at the boys, shock on his face. "You know that's the rarest blood type, right?"

The boys shrugged. "No."

"Have you ever thought about donating?"

John shook his head, sipping on the tea. "After years of bleeding, we found out it's usually a good idea to keep your blood inside your body."

Clarissa nodded, smiling as John's shivering stopped. "Let's go finish dinner." She patted John's back, starting back to the dining room to finish eating with the rest of the family. "And if I catch one more hickey on Claire, I am taking your guitar away for a month."

John nodded, settling into his chair. "Yes Mom." He sighed, picking up his fork.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter Fifty-Five**

John sighed, watching as Clarissa packed a small bag with her toothbrush and other things she would need if they had to spend the night at the hospital. He'd already packed a fresh shirt and sweat pants, along with his toothbrush and deodorant. He rubbed the ear of Amelia's teddy bear, smiling at the thought that Amelia had to give it to him for the surgery. "Hey, Mom," he looked up at Clarissa as she tossed a couple things of makeup into her bag, "do you think it'll be a long thing? The recovery I mean."

She folded one of Claire's blankets up, placing it on top of the pillow that she'd snagged from Claire's room. "I think you'll recover just fine." She smiled, kissing his head as she went back to messing with the bear. "You'll be a little sore, but I think you can handle it."

He lifted his gaze to look at her, his eyes having the slight yellow tint that showed his fear. "I don't wanna go under." He stated, his voice sounding more like a little kid's than a seventeen-year-old boy.

She nodded, placing the blanket and pillow in his arms as she grabbed the bags. "We'll all be there as soon as you wake up." She walked down the stairs at the end of the hallway, letting Thomas open the door for them as they walked to the car. "And we're all going to be praying for you." She placed the bags in the trunk, taking the blanket and pillow from John as he ducked into his seat in the back of the BMW.

Thomas started the car, checking in the rear-view mirror at John and Claire as they sat together, noticing that Claire was holding John and humming a little song. "You didn't have any food this morning did you, John?"

He shook his head, listening to his stomach growl. "No."

Thomas nodded, turning out of the driveway and onto the road to the hospital. "That's my boy."

John looked up at the hospital, squeezing Claire's hand as they walked inside. "I don't wanna do this." He mumbled, walking back to the waiting room and sitting in one of the chairs to wait for one of the nurses to come and get him prepped for surgery.

Claire kissed his neck, hoping to relax him. "You'll wake up in no time." She smiled, running her hand over the scruff he was letting grow again. "Besides, you're a descendent of a Greek god. We just have to figure out what one."

"Johnathan?" A young brunette asked, looking up at the family as they all looked at John. "If you would come back please."

John stood, taking a last look at the family before he was taken back. He chuckled when Amelia rushed forward, holding her teddy bear out to him. "Thanks Squirt." He smiled, kneeling down to give her a kiss on the nose. "But I don't think I'm supposed to take him back with me."

The nurse patted John on the back, looking down at Amelia with warm eyes. "He can take it back, we'll just have to move it when he goes to sleep." She held a hand on John's back as they turned to the prep room, feeling how he started to shake slightly with every step. "It'll be fine, we do this procedure all the time." She handed him a paper gown, holding the bear as he slipped into it. "We hardly ever have trouble with it."

John nodded, sitting back on the hospital cot they would take him into the operating room on. "I just don't like being cut on."

She wrapped a plastic bracelet around his wrist that stated his name and patient code on it along with a barcode that held his blood type and anything else that they might need. "I don't think anyone likes to be cut on."

Ryan walked into the room, smiling at John as he pulled up a chair to sit on while putting John's leads and IV in. "Hey Champ." He smiled, sticking a lead onto his chest and another onto his shoulder. "How we feeling today?" He sat back as John glared at him, taking John's wrist in his hand and starting to poke around for a vein. "Alright, dumb question." He lifted the lead to place it in the vessel, his grip tightening on John's arm as he jumped slightly from his nerves being over stressed. "John, I know that didn't hurt enough for you to jump like that." He lifted the side of John's gown, taking a look at the old incision trying to decide the best route to go in with. He didn't want to use the same incision, knowing that the scar tissue would be more painful during the healing process. "Alright, I think that what we're going to do, is we're going to make a new incision right below the old one, that way it won't hurt as bad while it's healing, but we'll be close enough that we can fix those old wounds so that you're not hurting as bad." He discretely picked up the syringe full of anesthesia and slipped it into the IV before pushing the plunger and letting the drugs flow into John's body. He smiled as he watched John's eyes slowly close, happy that the kid wasn't trying to fight the drugs he'd just injected into him. "That's my boy." He looked up at the nurse, motioning for her to take John's arm. "Let's roll him onto his side so I can get to it better."

She nodded, helping him adjust the lanky kid. "Do you want me to put the iodine on him yet?"

Ryan nodded, taking a look at John's vital signs as the beeping of the monitor changed slightly. "Yeah, I wanna get him out as soon as possible." He rubbed a hand through John's hair ruffing it up before he placed the surgical cap on him. "Clarissa's probably worrying herself sick over him."

The nurse nodded, soaking a cotton ball in the iodine and rubbing it over John's entire side, staining the skin a bright orange. "You guys are a tight knit family, aren't you?"

He nodded, scrubbing his hands up and pulling his gloves on as he let his assistants wheel John into the operating room. "All thanks to this kid."


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter Fifty-Six**

Clarissa wrung her hands in her lap, checking the clock for the fifth time in the past three minutes. "I hope it's all going well." She sighed, watching Amelia play with one of the dolls that John had bought her before the trial.

The door to the prep rooms opened, letting the brunette nurse walk through. She walked over to Clarissa and Thomas, leaning down to whisper something to them. "Is Johnathan allergic to any kind of medications that he failed to tell us about?" She asked, taking in the terror on their faces. "See, it's nothing serious, we're just having a little trouble bringing him out of the anesthesia."

Clarissa gasped, turning her wide eyes on Thomas. "Tommy…"

He held her close to his chest, hoping to hide her tears from the family. "Do you think you can pull him out of it?"

The nurse gave them an unsure look. "It depends on him for the most part. If his body is strong enough he'll pull out of it, but if not…"

Dominic stood, shaking Vernon's hand off of his arm. "I want to see him." He stated, his mind instantly going to the memories of John's attempted overdoses. "I'm his cousin, I can pull him out of it." The nurse pressed he hands to his chest, trying to keep him away from the door. "Let me in there!" He shouted, forcing Vernon and the other parents away from him as he fought to get to his cousin. "John!"

Ryan opened the door, taking in the scene before him, he placed his hands on Dominic's shoulders, hoping to calm the crazed boy. "Hey, hey, John's okay. He just started to come out of it. He's doing fine."

Claire and her mother sighed, standing to walk over to their friend. "Can we see him now?" Clarissa asked, knowing that she'd promised him they would be there when he woke up.

Ryan nodded, leading Clarissa into the recovery room. "He's still pretty out of it, and we put an oxygen mask on him to help him wake up a little better." He pushed the door to John's room open, letting Clarissa inside. "He's gonna be feeling kinda crappy for a couple days, but he should be better by the time school starts."

Clarissa nodded, brushing John's hair behind his ear running her fingers over the ridges of his cartilage. "Hey Baby," she smiled, watching as his eyes moved behind his lids, "time to wake up, now." She watched as his breath fogged up the mask, gently kissing his forehead. "Johnny, wake up Pumpkin."

John gave a little moan, slowly moving his head, in his half-asleep state. "Mom…" He groaned, feeling something being placed on top of him that was warm and fuzzy. He cracked his eyes open, taking in the blurry image of Clarissa.

She grinned, sitting back as Ryan pulled the oxygen mask off of his face. "Good morning Pumpkin." She chuckled, noticing how his eyes scanned over the room like he was trying to remember where he was. "We're in the recovery room, you had surgery for the allergic reaction to your stitches."

John reached a hand toward her, wincing as the movement caused pain in his side. "Hurts…"

She nodded, squeezing his hand in hers as he struggled to stay awake. "I know, Baby." She sighed, lifting his head and replacing the hospital pillow with the one they'd brought from Claire's room. "It'll be better when we get you home."

John closed his eyes, his long lashes fanning over his cheeks like dark feathers. "I want Dad and Claire." He mumbled, burying his nose into the pillow, happy that he was laying on his side.

Clarissa smiled, brushing her fingers over his cheek. "Just sleep for a little bit, then I'll go get them when you're a little more awake."

He gave a little nod, seeming to accept this answer. "Love you…" He whispered, just as sleep claimed him for the next hour.

She shook her head, tracing her fingers over the lightening circles under his eyes, happy to see that he was looking heathier. "I love you too, Honey." She kissed his head, picking up the book she'd brought to read while she waited for him to finish waking up.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty-Seven**

Amelia climbed onto the couch with John and Claire, watching as Allison popped a Disney tape into the VCR player. She crawled behind the bend in John's knees, knowing that she had to be careful of his side. She'd seen the new cut on his ribs when he'd been changing into a t-shirt after they got home. She watched as Claire ran her fingers through his hair, noticing that John's eyes were still a little unfocused. "John?" She asked, waiting for him to shift his gaze to her. "Are you still hurting?"

He shook his head, still feeling to tired to talk.

Claire chuckled, rubbing the little scar that went through his eyebrow. "I think he's just really tired."

John closed his eyes, letting Allison adjust the blanket over his shoulders.

Andy shook his head, looking at the larger teen being babied by the girls. "John, I think you're the most loved man on the planet right now." He laughed, ignoring John's sorry excuse for flipping him off.

Dominic handed John a coffee with a straw in it making sure it wasn't too hot for him. "At least he's being quiet for once." He ruffled John's hair, taking a drink of his own coffee as he settled into his chair for the movie. "What're we watching?"

Cody tossed the movie case too him, wincing as he noticed John's flinch. "The Aristocats." He chuckled at Dominic's reaction. "You and John are dog people, aren't you?"

Dominic nodded. "Yup."

Brian awkwardly looped his arm over Kaylie's shoulders, unsure of how to hold a woman. "Let's just watch the movie guys."

Kaylie snuggled into his chest, wrapping her hands around his chest as she felt his chest swell with his breath. "Yeah, I haven't seen this one yet."

John took a sip of his coffee, letting Claire draw little patterns on his cheek. "Me either."

Claire smiled, settling back to watch the film. "You're all so deprived."

John closed his eyes, letting his hand rest on Claire's knee as he listened to the movie. He felt Amelia shift against his butt, loosening his ankles to let her have more room in her little nest she'd made of his legs. He cracked his eyes open as he felt the presents of one of the adults before him, groaning as he noticed that it was Kathrine. "No…" He moaned, feeling her move the blanket and start to lift his t-shirt. "I don't want it looked at."

Kathrine rolled her eyes, picking at the tape around his bandage. "I'm just going to change it." She peeled the cotton pad off of his side, looking at the orange skin around his new incision. "Besides, you've got a nice spray tan there." She rubbed her hand over his waist, feeling the bones of his hips under his muscles.

Claire smiled, holding his shirt away from the scab as Kathrine taped the new dressing onto his side. "If he gets any darker he'll look like he's from Northern Africa." She chuckled, brushing her hand over the white bandage happy that he was okay after the scare he'd given them.

John took her hand in his, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "Well, then you're my Irish princess." He smiled, reaching up to tug on her red hair.

She laughed, playing with his earring. "And you're my Greek Hero."

He closed his eyes again, readjusting as Amelia shifted again. "I'm a tired hero."

Claire rolled her eyes, kissing his ear that was just starting to become hidden by his hair. "I bet you are." She traced her fingers over an old scar on his jaw where the hair refused to grow. "Why don't you take a nap?"

John nodded, letting her adjust the blanket over his side as he began to dose off. "I think I will…"


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter Fifty-Eight**

Clarissa walked out to the garage, chuckling at the grease covered boy beside his Harley Davidson. "How's it coming?" She asked, watching as he blew a chunk of hair out of his eyes.

"I'm gonna need a new starter, and a couple other parts from what I can see so far." He looked up from the mess of parts on the concrete, his dark eyes the color of milk chocolate from the joy of working on something mechanical after so long being cooped up in the house while he began his recovery from surgery. "If I can find the parts, I can have it running in a month."

She shook her head, placing a box of old clothes that she'd raided from the kids' rooms on the floor. "Keep in mind, school starts in a week." She took a deep breath, fear rising at the thought of him riding the motorcycle when he got cleared to drive. She knew it wouldn't be long before he was able to get behind the wheel again, his seizures were fading with every day, and despite how much it scared her when he got them she didn't want to think about him getting in a wreck on his bike. "And we're taking you all school shopping in an hour so you need to go get cleaned up."

John nodded, looking at his ruined clothes. "I might need to get some new jeans." He stated, noticing the box of clothes in the corner. "What're you doing with those?" He asked, puling out one of his favorite shirts.

She shook her head, noticing the question on his face. "I'm giving them to Goodwill, they're old and you're getting new ones."

John shook his head, picking up a few more of his favorite shirts. "No way, I worked hard to find these." He started back for the door, wondering why she would get rid of perfectly good clothes because they had a few stains and were wearing thin.

"Johnathan, bring them here." She watched as he hesitated, not understanding why he was trying to hold onto the clothes. "Those things are gross, they're so thin I can see your skin through them, they're stained with God knows what, and most of them have holes in them big enough for Amelia to fit her fist through."

John hung his head, looking at the old things. "I stole these when I was broke, they were the only things I had to wear since I was fourteen." He looked up at her, honesty in his eyes. "I even found some of them in a dumpster."

Clarissa shook her head, amazed at this new revelation to John's past. "Honey, we can buy you new ones, ones that actually fit and aren't too tight on your chest."

He looked down at the old shirts, his heart torn between keeping them and tossing them. "Mom… I've never had anything new before I met you… and I'm not sure if I'd like the new ones."

Clarissa smiled, taking the shirts from him and tossing them back into the box. "We'll find something that you will like." She pointed to his boots. "Maybe we can even get you some new shoes." She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Ones that you won't cut the toe off of with a guillotine in your locker."

John gave a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck. "Claire told you about that, huh?"

"Actually, it was Andrew." She chuckled, patting his back. "And I hope that you'll keep your locker clean this year."

He smirked, starting back to the house with her. "Depends on if my maid goes on vacation."

"Johnathan Kurtis Bender, I swear to God…"

Clarissa walked down the notebook isle in the school supplies store, picking up a notebook and placing it in the cart. "How's that one for your songs?"

John looked at the fancy cover, noticing that it had a cool pattern on it. "It's fancy…" He fought the urge to let her buy it, knowing that it would be more expensive than the ones he usually got. He put it back, picking up a plain black book and tossing it into the cart. "That one will be fine."

Claire picked up a new pen, tossing it into the cart along with a few backpacks and a couple binders. "John, we have enough money to get you a nice one."

He shook his head, admiring a beautiful set of colored pens, thinking about how cool it would be to have every poem and song in a different color. "I don't need a fancy one." He looked up as Dominic and the rest of the burners started making a ruckus fighting over a backpack with skulls on it. "Hey! Dipshits!" He shouted, looking at Dominic as he switched to Spanish. "Los líderes dan a los seguidores lo que necesitan." He made his message clear with a glare, making sure Dominic understood his new roll as a leader.

Dominic backed off, letting the others scrap over the bag while he made sure that no one hurt the others. "Sì, El Jefe."

Claire looked up at him, a question clear in her gaze. "Why are you the boss if you're the younger one?"

Kaylie smiled, patting John on the shoulder. "Because he's the smartest." She ruffled his hair, chuckling as he swatted her away. "And he seems to be in six places at once."

John rolled his eyes. "I just spend a lot of time looking for shit I shouldn't and trying to keep you shitheads out of trouble."

Clarissa sighed, smiling as Amelia came running up to them with a sixty-four pack of Crayola crayons. "Look! It has a sharpener!" She pointed to the little sharpener in the back of the box.

John laughed, picking her up halfway before the pain of his new incision hit him and he had to set her down. "Holy shit!" He exclaimed, wrapping his hand around his side and doubling over in pain. "Ugh…" He groaned, feeling Claire rub circles on his back to try and sooth him in his pain.

She pressed her hand to his side, wishing that she could take his pain away. "Is it bad?" She asked, watching as he nodded. She looked up to her mom, already walking to the back of the store where they had the office chairs. "I'll take him to sit down for a minute."

Clarissa nodded, placing the plain notebook back and picking up the fancy one again. "Alright, I'll get the rest of his stuff for him."

Claire helped John limp to the chairs, praying that he hadn't torn a stitch by lifting the kid. "Is it getting better?" She asked, slipping her hand under his shirt to touch the bandage on his side and check for any blood spots.

He shook his head, breathing so that his cheeks puffed out with the exhale. "Fuck…" He sighed, taking a seat in the chair she pulled up for him.

She nodded, lifting his shirt up just far enough to see the bandage and check it. "Well, it doesn't look like you're bleeding."

John nodded, squeezing his eyes shut against the pain. "That's good."

She picked at the tape around the cotton pad, looking at the wound. "No stitches were popped." She turned to eyes up to his face, kissing his cheek as the pain seemed to start to fade. "Better?"

He nodded, wishing he could scratch at the itchy scab. "It itches."

She smiled, knowing that was a good sign. "Good! It's healing."

He slowly stood, watching as Kaylie and Brian leaned on each other as they shopped, picking out little things they would need, like pencils and other supplies. "Love birds, three o'clock."

Claire chuckled, kissing his neck. "I thought we were the love birds."

John rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss her lips. "We are, but they're the new ones."

"You're so weird."

He laughed, wincing at the pain it caused him. "But you love me."

She tilted her head. "Debatable." She looked up at him, her version of a burner smirk on her lips. "I don't like you when you smoke as much."

He kissed her, letting her taste that he hadn't been smoking or drinking. "We'll I'm sober now." He smiled, nipping at her lips. "You can taste that much."

She nodded, letting him stick his tongue in her mouth. She returned his movements, tasting him as much as he did her. She could taste his gum, noticing that he'd been chewing the bubblegum flavor instead of mint today. "That's a new flavor." She stated, when the separated.

He shrugged, letting her lead him back to the group. "Thought I'd try something new today."

She smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I like the mint better."

He chuckled, squeezing her hand. "I'll remember that."


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter Fifty-Nine**

Claire picked up a new Star Wars t-shirt, holding it up for John to see. "Look at this one!" She giggled, holding it onto his chest.

He shook his head, taking the shirt from her. "I've never seen it."

She shook her head, putting the shirt back and picking up a ZZ Top one. "Okay, how about this one?"

He looked at it, noticing one a few wracks away with a motorcycle on it. "I like this one." He stated, looking at the price tag. "Holy shit…" He looked up at Claire, his eyes wide at the price. "Fifteen bucks for a shirt?"

Claire smiled, taking the shirt from him and putting it in the cart. "Now you need some jeans." She motioned for him to turn around, slipping her fingers into the back of his pants to check the current size he was wearing. "Holy cow! These are tight on your hips." She rested her head on his back as she looked at the numbers on the inside of his jeans. "No wonder, they're the same size as a thirteen-year-old wears."

He ducked his head, running his hands over a black leather jacket. "I haven't gotten new jeans in a while, and I just gained enough weight that these are too small."

Claire noticed him looking at the jacket, smiling as she picked it off the wrack and placed it on his shoulders. "Try it on." She smiled as he slipped his arms into it, watching how his whole demeanor seemed to change. "Damn." She looked over him, taking in how the jacket fit around his broad shoulders and his slim hips. "That looks hot."

John blushed, lifting his dark eyes to hers. "You like it, huh?" He smirked, stepping closer to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her into a strong kiss. He leaned farther into the kiss as he heard a moan deep in her throat, pulling her body against his as he felt her poke at his lips with her tongue. He parted his lips, letting her inside. He groaned as her tongue forced itself deeper into his throat, letting her nearly choke him. He ran his tongue over the underside of hers, tasting the chocolate from the candy bar she'd eaten earlier. He felt her hands wrap around his sides, her nails scratching at his body. He moaned into her mouth, letting her push deeper.

Thomas poked his head around the wrack of clothes that he was looking at with Dominic and Cody, his jaw dropping at the scene of his daughter pushing John up against the dressing room doors. "Clarity Penelope Faith Standish!" He shouted, watching as they jumped away from each other. "I'm not going to warn you two again. If I catch you one more time, I will ground you both from singing until you go to college."

John looked at Claire, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Can I have my gum back?"

She shook her head, smirking as she tossed the leather jacket into the cart and walking over to the jeans. "Alright, let's see…" She scanned over the denim sizes, picking out a couple of them and holding them to John's hips and stretching them over his butt. "See if these fit." She smiled, watching him walk into the dressing room.

Clarissa chuckled, walking up to her daughter. "Did you see if they'll fit?"

Claire nodded, her brows shooting up as she saw John exit the dressing room. The jeans fit his legs perfectly, just tight enough that you could tell they weren't little bird legs, and his hips were wonderfully shaped into the denim, making his butt look incredible. "Holy shit…" She breathed, looking at the dark jeans on his body. "John…"

John gave a little smile, shoving his hands in the back pockets as he looked up at them. "Do I still look too skinny?"

Clarissa shook her head, walking over and adjusting the waistband so that they couldn't see his boxer band. "You look wonderful." She smiled, kissing his cheek as she walked around him to make sure they fit right. "I didn't know you were filling out this well."

He jumped as she knelt down and started tugging his pantlegs down over his shoes. "I'm still too thin."

Claire smiled, fixing his necklace so that the clasp was in the back. "You're getting there." She whispered, resting her head on his chest and listening to his heart, happy that he didn't know about the scare he'd given them while he was in surgery. "You'll get it back." She breathed his scent, catching a hint of her own perfume on his clothes. "I know you will."

Amelia tugged on his flannel, looking up at him with her big eyes. "Did I hurt you when you tried to pick me up?" She asked, ducking her head as he knelt down to her level.

He shook his head, taking her hand and pressing it to the soft spot where his bandage was. "No. I just can't lift you yet, because of my cut." He kissed her head, smiling as she seemed to start to understand. "See, that cut goes really deep and my muscles have to heal before I can lift a lot."

She nodded, looking up at him with a small smile. "Otherwise you have to say fuck to make it stop hurting."

"Amelia!" John exclaimed, trying to hide his laughter. "Stop repeating what I say!"

She tilted her head, trying to get her puppy-dog look to work on him. "But why can't I say it?"

John shook his head, slowly standing and picking up a little pink leather jacket to put on Amelia. "Because it's a really bad word." He smiled as she slipped her arms into the jacket, picking up a little skull patched that he could sew onto it. "When you get your own motorcycle, you can say that but as long as you have to ride on mine you can't say them."

Mary looked up from the bra wrack she was looking at with Kaylie, shaking her head. "She is not riding on that deathtrap with you."

John rolled his eyes, knocking on Amelia's head. "Not without a helmet." He chuckled, poking her nose as she wrinkled it. "And some real boots."

Clarissa looked down at John's old beaten up boots, noticing the cracks in the soles and how there were chunks taken out of the heels. "That reminds me, we need to find you some new shoes." She pointed to the dressing room, making it clear that he needed to slip back into his old jeans. "Meet us over in the shoe department when you're done."

John nodded, locking the door behind him as he went to change. "Of course, Mom."

"And don't be getting smart with me." She smiled, noticing that Claire was placing a few more shirts and jeans in the cart. "I swear, your boyfriend is going to be the death of us all."

Claire snorted a laugh, looking up at her mother. "I think he's great."

Clarissa nodded, hugging her daughter close to her side. "I'm sure you do." She smiled, thinking about that Harley in the garage. "I just hope he sells that motorcycle of his."

Claire rolled her eyes, looking at her mother. "Mom, it's John. He bought it because he's craving the risk of riding it." She walked with her to the shoes. "I think he feels cooped up and like his freedom is being stolen from him." She picked up a pair of Converse, remembering the pair John used to have in his locker before he accidentally cut the toe off with the guillotine. "I think he just wants to feel like the dangerous kid he was… you know… before he was drugged."

Clarissa nodded, trying to force herself to come to terms with the idea of the motorcycle. "I just worry about him on that thing."

Claire nodded, knowing how her mom felt. "Me too."


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter Sixty**

John walked through the door to the house, dropping his bags and walking into the living room where he collapsed onto the couch.

Kaylie rolled her eyes, tossing a pillow onto his head. "Jackass." She mumbled, placing her bags on the table as Brian hugged her back. "I think El Jefe got tired out." She smiled, shaking him off as she realized what she was doing. "I'm sorry Brian, I just need some time to think about if I'm just using you as a rebound or if I really love you…"

He nodded, stepping away as Dominic and John started yelling at each other again. "Are you sure those two should be your leaders?" He asked, watching as John threw a pillow at his cousin and ducked as Dominic countered with a whole couch cushion. "I mean, they act like their two."

Kaylie laughed, jumping into the pillow fight with her own soft object. "Die mother fuckers!" She shrieked, hitting Cody over the head with her pillow.

Cody wrapped his arms around her hips, pushing her into the sofa. "After you, blondie." He smirked, jumping as Jim hit him in the back. "Fuck you Jimmy!" He shouted, smacking him across the face with a wadded-up blanket.

Clarissa shook her head, looking at the burners smack the crap out of each other with pillows and all manner of soft objects. "John! Don't tear a stitch!"

John looked up for just a moment, missing the blow that hit him square in the chest. "Fuck!" He gasped, cradling his side, as the pillow war came to a sudden stop.

Claire rushed to his side, lifting his shirt to look at his incision. "Ryan!" She called, noticing that he'd popped two of the seven stitches. "Ryan!" She grabbed John's bandana, untying it from his ankle and wiping the excess blood from around the wound to keep it from dripping onto the carpet.

Ryan pushed through the group of teens, sighing as he saw the damage to John's healing side. "Get him onto the couch, I'll go get my bag and sew him up again."

Dominic placed his arms under John's legs and his shoulders, lifting the smaller teen onto the sofa, trying to ignore his whimpers of pain as he moved him. "Lo siento mucho." He whispered, placing his hand on John's forehead and smoothing his hair back as Claire tried to keep his bleeding under control. "Está bien." He soothed, his body language telling the others of the family to stay away from his little cousin. "Está bien." He looked up as Ryan knelt where Claire had been, a needle and a string of cat gut in his gloved hands as he wiped a disinfectant cloth over John's side. He gripped John's hand tighter as he groaned and squirmed from the sting, watching as Ryan lined the needle up to make the first stitch. He shut his eyes as the needle penetrated his flesh, hearing his cousin's sounds of pain. "Está bien." He muttered into his ear, resting his head on top of John's to keep him from moving too much.

John tensed as the next stitch went in, a broken cry escaping him as Dominic leaned heavier on him. "Hurts…" He cried, feeling Dominic's rough hands against his own. He took comfort in his cousin's closeness, reminded of when they were children and they'd only had each other to lean on and call a true family.

Dominic nodded, letting a lone tear fall onto John's cheek. "I know bebé niño." He rubbed his fingers through John's hair, trying to ignore how it had thinned out. "I know."

Claire stepped closer, pausing when she noticed Dominic's reaction to her movement. She knew it was just an old habit from being John's protector since birth, but it still hurt that he wouldn't let her close to her boyfriend. Her heart ached with the sounds of pain coming from John, wishing that she could somehow help him as Ryan finished the last suture. "It was rainin' in heaven when you went down  
You were better than the best Stayed a notch above the rest It was rainin' in heaven when you went down Your mother cried, said she told you so But you touched the devil and couldn't let go No one controls the Outlaw You wrote the story with the movie in mind An angel face with a criminal side Celebrated as the rebel kind The Outlaw I wonder if you knew They would turn your bad deeds into good Paint you as a modern robinhood It's high noon Everywhere you go And the guilt you feel is the weary soul of the Outlaw Hearts weren't made to be ruled And rules weren't made to be broken It's cold and lonely at the end of your life And nobody sleeps 'til they turn out the lights For the Outlaw Where you gonna go, where you gonna hide It's cold and lonely for the Outlaw Where you gonna go, where you gonna hide As the Outlaw." She kept her voice soft, listening as John's breathing seemed to even out as he listened to her sing. She stepped a little closer, watching as Ryan taped a new bandage over his ribs.

John reached a hand toward her, pulling her closer to him and Dominic. "I love you." He whispered, letting Dominic pull a blanket over him as Claire moved to let him use her as a pillow.

"I love you too." She smiled, brushing his hair back from his temple, and tracing her nails over his eyebrow and down his nose. She watched as Amelia brought over a little book, helping her climb onto the sofa, chuckling as she opened the book and started to read the Cat in the Hat to him.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter Sixty-One**

John woke early on the first day of school, rushing to the garage to work on his bike before he had to be to school. He pulled the last few parts that needed cleaned from the engine, picking up a wire brush and some oil dissolvent. He turned on a tape of The Who, singing along with the words.

"John?" Amelia asked, rubbing her eyes as she opened the door to the garage. "Why're you up?"

John chuckled, scrubbing a cloth over the parts to shine them up so he could get a better look at them. "I wanted to work on my bike." He smiled, noticing that she was wearing his old red flannel again. "You just wake up?" He asked, looking out the window at the rising sun.

She shook her head, walking over and leaning her head on his good side. "I had a bad dream."

He rubbed her back setting the part down and letting her climb into his lap. "What was it about?" He asked, afraid of the answer.

She looked up at him, pulling on the slowly growing scruff on his chin. "It was about a monster under my bed and he walked into your room and ate you."

John cracked a smile, kissing her head. "Well, don't worry Squirt. I'm not going to be eaten by a monster anytime soon." He showed her one of the scars on his arm, letting her trace the rope of tissue. "Besides, I killed the monster under little girl's beds, remember?"

She touched the cigar burn, still curious about how he'd gotten it. "What's this one from?" She asked, tracing the bumpy skin of the burn.

John looked at the scar, remembering the sizzle of his skin under the hot end of the cigar, the smell of burning flesh and the pain as he'd struggled against his father's grip. "I got that one from an angry dwarf when I got into his forge and started messing with his work." He smiled, trying to change the memory to him being a little kid and annoying one of the dwarves from a J.R.R. Tolkien book.

She looked up at him, the light of the rising sun making her eyes shine with wonder. "Dwarves are real?" She asked.

John chuckled looking at the book in her hand. "Everything's real if you can read it. When you read, you get to be in the book with them, you go on the same adventures and visit the same worlds and lands."

She smiled, making John chuckle as he kissed her head. "I wanna make my own world!"

John grinned, grabbing a notepad and a pen from the counter that held his tools. "Here, start writing your own story. Maybe someday we can get it published and you'll be famous."

She took the pad from him, starting to scribble down a series of misspelled words and pictures. "I'm gonna name one of my people John." She stated, as he continued to work on his motorcycle. "And he's going to save the princess from the dragon."

John laughed, jumping as he touched the battery wire and shocked himself. "Hasn't that been done a lot?" He asked, unhooking the battery so he didn't shock himself again. "Maybe you could make it so that the princess saves John from the dragon." He looked up at her, poking his head over the seat of the bike. "I mean, that hasn't been done a lot yet."

She nodded, scratching out a few words and writing new ones. "Like your story."

He nodded, pulling at a tear in the leather of the seat. "Exactly." He picked up a needle and thread, sewing the tear closed with skilled fingers.

Clarissa shouted out the backdoor, calling John and Amelia inside for breakfast. "John! Amelia! Breakfast is ready!"

John stood, letting his knees pop from being crouched for so long. "Come on, Squirt, let's go eat." He took her hand, smiling as she skipped toward the house with him. "You're adorable."

She smiled, turning her eyes up to him. "I know."

John laughed, ignoring the pain in his side. "You little smarty-pants." He opened the door for her, letting her rush inside for her breakfast.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter Sixty-Two**

John lifted his coffee mug to his lips, looking down at his pancake. "What class schedule does everyone have?" He asked, picking up the Mrs. Butterworth's syrup bottle and pouring it over his pancakes.

Kaylie stuffed a sausage like into her mouth, looking at the schedule she pulled out of her backpack. "I have math, art, history, and English with Brian and Allison; other than that, I'm on my own."

Dominic looked at his paper, wiping some syrup off of the print. "I've not Spanish and music with John, math with Claire, science with Andy, shop with Cody, and gym with Tyler and John."

John held up the note that Clarissa and Ryan had given him to let him out of gym until his incision healed. "I'm not gonna be able to do much in gym." He stated, rubbing his hand over the bandage under his shirt. "Still gotta heal up a little."

Jim chuckled, looking at his sheet. "I've got science and history with Cody, and music with John, Dominic, Allison, and Kaylie." He looked up at the others. "Other than that, I'm alone."

John looked down at his sheet, sighing as he saw that he would never get a second alone. "I've got every class with at least one of you in there with me."

Vernon lifted his coffee looking at the kid. "That's thanks to me, I wanted to make sure you had eyes on you at all times in case you got an attack."

John rolled his eyes, looking at the older man. "I'm getting scanned next week to see if I can drive." He stated, picking up his fork. "Besides, I hardly get them anymore."

Clarissa shook her head, swallowing her fear of John riding the motorcycle. "The scan will only tell us if the seizures aren't a threat at all times anymore, it's not going to get you cleared yet."

John shrugged, stuffing a chunk of pancake into his mouth. "It's close enough." He looked down at his watch, bolting from his chair. "Shit!" He exclaimed, sprinting to his room.

Clarissa looked around the table, her question clear. "What was that about?" She asked, hearing a loud thud from above her, where John's room was.

Claire shrugged, taking a drink of her milk. "I think he forgot that he's supposed to grab his books and backpack." She glanced at the ceiling, shaking her head as a series of bumps and thuds echoed from his room. "He's not used to having all of that stuff."

John rushed back down the stairs, stumbling as he tried to tie his shoes. "Guys, it's seven thirty. We need to be there at eight." He stated, watching as they all scrambled for their stuff.

The teens burst through the doors to the house, rushing to their three vehicles that belonged to Andy, Claire and Dominic's old beater that was always needing parts to be duct taped back on so he could fix it when he got the cash. "I call Claire's car!" John, Kaylie, Allison, and Cody shouted, piling into the black car and buckling before Claire started driving toward the school.

John shut the door to the car, looking up at the school as Claire slipped her hand into his. He smiled, kissing her as they started toward the building. "Prison is in session." He smirked, squeezing her hand as he noticed some of the jocks checking her out. He glared at them, making sure he staked his claim early on. "If anyone gives you trouble, I'll beat the shit out of them." He growled, curling his lip at one of the bigger guys that had to be the quarterback who was checking out Claire's butt.

She shook her head, noticing a couple girls checking John out. "That's my alpha wolf talking." She smiled, turning him and pressing a hard kiss to his lips to stake her own claim. "But I'm an alpha too." She whispered, letting him kiss her again as the bell rang.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter Sixty-Three**

John settled into his desk for Spanish class, looking up at the Mexican woman teaching them. His mind flashed to an image of his aunt Juanita, remembering her popping pills to get a high while she snorted cocaine with a hundred dollar bill up her nose. He could still smell the cooking tamales that were stuffed with way too many jalapenos to be edible. He remembered the taste of tequila that he and Dominic used to steel from his uncle's fridge, his mouth watering for the sweet burn of the drink. He glanced at Dominic, noticing his eyes held slight fear at the resemblance between the teacher and his mother.

Dominic looked at him, giving a short nod to let him know he was okay.

"Hola Class," the teacher began, looking at John and Dominic with a look they were familiar with, "My name, is Miss Hernandez." She wrote her name on the board, turning to look at them again. "I see we have some new students with us this year," she motioned to John and Dominic, smiling as they stood, "will you tell the class your names?"

John winced, leaning on his desk as his chest spasmed, automatically looking at Dominic to let him know it was only a small pain. "I'm John Bender, I'm seventeen, in my senior year, and I just moved here from Chicago Illinois with my cousin and our family." He looked around at the hint of recognition that passed through the class, noticing the fear in Miss Hernandez's eyes as she realized he was the kid who'd been on the news.

Dominic kept a close eye on John as he started his speech. "I'm Dominic Bender, I'm eighteen, in my senior year, and I moved with John from Chicago about a month ago." He watched as John rested a hand on his side, knowing that his scab was either itching or the nerves were healing and giving him little pains shooting through the muscles.

They both sat down, watching as Miss Hernandez started the lesson. She started with simple words, her gaze drifting to John every so often, trying to hide the fear in her eyes that John and Dominic had become so used to. "Can anyone remember how to say 'My Mother cooked me dinner last night?'" She asked, watching in disappointment as the class seemed to have forgotten how to say the simple phrase.

John looked at Dominic, his eyes holding the words 'are you shitting me?' He looked up at Miss Hernandez, his mind already translating the English into Spanish. "Mi madre me cocinó la cena anoche." He stated, speaking in perfect Spanish.

Miss Hernandez looked at him, wondering how he'd learned to speak as well as he did. "Very good, Mister Bender." She nodded, noticing that Dominic obviously had Mexican in him where as John seemed to be more of a more Mediterranean heritage. "Where did you learn that?" She asked, taking in John's thick stubble on his jaw, noticing the streak of grey in his hair.

John leaned back in his chair, drumming his fingers on the desk. "My aunt was Mexican." He stated, not wanting to go into the whole meth conversation again. "She would speak in Spanish when she thought Dom and I were asleep." He remembered sleeping on the couch with Dominic, one of them always staying awake to keep an eye out for trouble. He remembered hearing his aunt cry out in both pleasure and pain in Spanish, he remembered the image of her being beaten by his uncle Reuben usually followed by them having a roll in the hay in the kitchen.

Dominic dropped his gaze, knowing what images were running though his cousin's head. "Aprendimos mucho."

John nodded, tracing a hand over one of the scars hidden under his jeans. "Sí."

Miss Hernandez watched them for a moment, starting to get an idea that they knew Spanish inside and out. "Jake, can you remember how to say 'I met my girlfriend at the park?'" She asked, ignoring the kid behind John as he started to bug him.


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter** **Sixty-Four**

"Hey, druggy." Hissed the kid behind John's desk, pulling on the leather cord around his neck.

John reached his arms behind his head, catching the kid's wrist as twisting it into a painful position, smirking at the pop he heard as the kid whimpered in pain. "I'm not a druggy." He stated, shooting Dominic a look that told him to stand down.

The kid cradled his arm, noticing the splints on John's fingers and the scars on his hands. "What, afraid you'll fuck up your hand worse?" He asked, mad enough that he was ready to pick a fight.

John rolled his eyes, turning in his seat. "Listen Jackass, I'm not in the mood for a good brawl today, but if you would like I'd happily beat your ass into the dirt."

The kid scoffed, flicking John in the forehead. "Oh yeah? And will that be before or after your next seizure?"

Dominic's muscles tensed, ready to protect his cousin when he gave the signal. "Back off, Dickhead." He growled, taking the searing look from John as punishment.

John felt his temper rising, knowing that his eyes were darkening with every moment. "I don't get those anymore." He stated, turning his Bender glare on him. "And the cameras never should have caught that one to begin with."

The kid shrunk back slightly, his blue eyes flashing with fear as he noticed the same glare coming from Dominic. "You guys are fucked up."

John leaned against the wall as he watched the dodgeball game take place, ducking as a red ball came flying at his head. "Yo! Dom! Watch it!" He laughed as Dominic caught another ball, having just enough time before the next dodge to flip him off. He shook his head, pulling out his notebook and pen, running his fingers over the fancy cover as he opened it to the poem, he'd been working on for the last couple days.

They believe...

They believe I choose  
to fill my veins with poison  
They swarm like vultures  
over the carnage of my life

They believe the rumors  
and half-truths shown by  
the media. If only I could  
tell them the truth

They believe their own  
brand of truth, even when  
the story is truthful,  
so how will I know?

They believe only themselves,  
so how can I make them listen?  
I need to clear my name and  
reputation - I'm living clean

He smiled at the work, feeling the weight on his shoulders lessen a little. He looked up, noticing a smaller kid shying away from the bigger ones, noticing how he kept pulling his sleeves down. He slowly stood, letting his limp show to appear less threatening. He leaned against the wall with the kids who were out of the game. "Hey." He smiled, holding his good hand out to him. "I'm Bender."

The kid looked up at him, taking in the scars on his knuckles and the white line running though his eyebrow and the one along his hairline. "Cooper." He cautiously took John's hand in a firm shake, noticing how much rougher his hands were than his own. "You're new here, aren't you?" He asked, ducking as a ball bounced off the wall above his head.

John shrugged, knowing that he had the kid hooked now and he could lead him away to talk in private. "Yeah, moved from Chicago." He led the kid over to the bleachers, taking a seat and stretching his bad leg out on the seat before him. "Where you from?" He asked, noticing a little scar on his wrist.

"Around here." Cooper stated, noticing John looking at his scar.

John nodded, stretching and shrugging out of his leather coat. "Damn, it's hot in here." He tossed the coat beside his backpack, smirking as he saw Cooper's eyes widen at his collection of scars. "Abused." He stated, watching as Cooper looked up at him with a look that told John he was on the right page. "Folks are in jail."

Cooper turned his eyes up to John's face, the memory of where he'd seen him before coming to his mind. "You were the kid on the news."

John nodded, pushing some of his hair out of his face. "They got it wrong though. I'm not a meth addict." He turned his head to look at him, raising his eyebrows. "It wasn't my choice to do that one."

Cooper nodded, another question brewing in the back of his mind. "You did other stuff though?"

John nodded, cupping his hands around his mouth as he shouted at Tyler to duck. "Ty! Eight o'clock!" He smirked as Tyler ducked, letting the ball fly over his head without second guessing John's warning. "Just stuff to help with pain." He gave a sidelong glance at Cooper, keeping a wary eye on the jock who'd been in John's Spanish class as he got a little closer to Dominic. "You ever try anything to get high?" He asked, smirking as Dominic hit the jock with a fast ball.

Cooper shook his head, knowing that he probably looked incredibly lame to the new kid. "No. I've never even taken a drink of beer."

John beamed, happy that he'd caught him before he could be as dumb as he'd been. "Well, believe me man, you don't want to do that shit." He gave a shrill whistle, a signal for Dominic to dodge. "It's not worth it when you want to get clean."

Cooped looked at John, noticing the slightly darker circles under his eyes and the gray in his hair, along with his thin body type. "Did the drugs do that too you?"

John gave a half nod, rubbing a hand over his bandaged side as it started to itch again. "Some of it." He stated, turning his dark eyes on him as he spoke again. "The rest was my parents. I was lucky, my girlfriend told the hospital staff about their abuse after I almost died from a punctured lung." He pointed to the small scar on Coopers hand. "Don't wait until you're half-dead to ask for help." He stood as the bell rang, picking up his jacket and backpack as he joined his buddies to wait in the locker room for them to shower.

 **Thanks for letting me use the poem HMG2000!**


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter Sixty-Five**

John placed his hand over his heart, lifting his chin with pride as the American flag was raised in the music class. "Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light, what so proudly we hail, at the twilight's last gleaming, who's broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight, O're the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming, and the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof to the night, that our flag was still there, oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave… O're the land of the free and the home of the brave…" John let his voice use it's full force, showing his pride of being an American. He'd always wanted to be a soldier, but he'd never really known if he wanted to die an honorable death as one, or if he wanted to be one to protect his country. Of course, after he'd broken his leg and it hadn't healed right, he'd been forced to give up that dream.

The music teacher looked at him, her jaw dropping at John's vocal power. She watched as he pushed his voice to the limit, his rough tones rising above everyone else's, drowning them out in a wave of passion. "Johnathan, will you come here for a moment?" She asked, noticing how his eyes had lightened with the song.

John nodded, stepping forward. "What is it?" He asked, hooking his thumbs in his pockets and leaning back on his heals.

She looked him over, wondering just how high he could go. "What's your highest note you can hit?" She asked, noticing that he looked at his friends who'd all moved with him.

"You got a song in mind for me to sing?" He asked, nodding to the others in the band they'd began to form over the last few months. "Because I've got some backup if you do."

She shook her head, chuckling as the others in John's group seemed ready to play something. "Sing something that you all like." She smiled, flinching as John gave a shrill whistle and the teens bolted for the instrument of their choice.

John picked up an electric guitar, plugging it into an amp and tuning it up. "Hells Bells, guys." He stated, smirking as they nodded. He didn't use a mic, instead relying on his power and force to carry his voice to the class. "I'm a rolling thunder, a pouring rain I'm comin' on like a hurricane My lightning's flashing across the sky You're only young but you're gonna die I won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives Nobody's putting up a fight I got my bell, I'm gonna take you to hell I'm gonna get you, Satan get you Hell's bells Yeah, hell's bells You got me ringing hell's bells My temperature's high, hell's bells I'll give you black sensations up and down your spine If you're into evil you're a friend of mine See the white light flashing as I split the night 'Cause if good's on the left, Then I'm stickin' to the right I won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives Nobody's puttin' up a fight I got my bell, I'm gonna take you to hell I'm gonna get you, Satan get you Hell's bells Yeah, hell's bells You got me ringing hell's bells My temperature's high, hell's bells Yeow Hell's bells, Satan's comin' to you Hell's bells, he's ringing them now Hell's bells, the temperature's high Hell's bells, across the sky Hell's bells, they're takin' you down Hell's bells, they're draggin' you around Hell's bells, gonna split the night Hell's bells, there's no way to fight, yeah Ow, ow, ow, ow Hell's bells!" He touched a hand to his throat as the last note grated in his voice, looking up at the group as they noticed the odd sound. No one else seemed to hear it though, and the music teacher clapped pulling a flier from a stack on her desk. "Take this home to your mother, have her look it over and see if you can compete in the battle of the bands on the fifth."

John took the paper from her, letting the others crowd around him as he read it over. "Grand prize is ten-thousand-dollars?" He asked, sensing the excitement going through the band. "Sponsored by Ashbend Rebuilds and Construction, Hillside Realtors, Hamilton Surf…" He looked up at Dominic, his question of Ashbend Rebuilds sounding familiar clear in his eyes. "What do you guys think?" He asked, shying away from them as they all jumped and started grapping each other in excitement. "I guess that's a yes." He laughed, letting Allison gently touch him while trying to show her excitement without hurting him.


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter Sixty-Six**

John smirked as he walked up to his locker, noticing that Claire was right next to him. "Good afternoon, Sweets." He smiled, kissing the back of her neck before spinning in his combo to the lock. "How're you?" He asked, taking a pack of gum from his locker.

She smiled, watching as he popped a fresh stick of Bubblemint into his mouth. "Better now that you're here." She kissed his cheek, wrinkling her nose as the stubby beard tickled her lips. "How's my Hero doing?" She asked, noticing how he turned to watch a smaller kid walk through the halls behind them.

He wrapped his arm around her waist, letting her lean against his body. "Fantastic." He whispered, kissing her lips as he leaned against the lockers to help him support her weight, and also let her know what he was feeling as his hips pressed on her stomach. He moaned as she pushed her tongue into his mouth, fighting her for dominance and forcing his tongue deeper into her mouth.

She nipped at his lips, ignoring the hardening bulge in his jeans pressing against her bellybutton. "That's good." She smirked, slipping her fingers into his beltloops and pulling the waistband up higher on his skinny hips. "Where're the guys?" She asked, knowing that someone was supposed to tail him at all times. "Isn't it Andy's turn to keep an eye on you?"

John rolled his eyes, noticing a couple of other boys checking Claire out. "I don't need to have anyone tailing me anymore." He stated, placing his hands on the back of her hips, right above her butt, and pulling her closer to his body. "They're not bad."

She sighed, resting her head on his chest as she listened to his heart, she placed her hands on the back of his neck, pleased that he didn't shy away from her touching him there. "But you still get flare ups." She traced her fingers over the base of his neck, feeling the little scars from his father's chain and being choked into unconsciousness. "I don't want you to have one alone."

He nodded, brushing his lips over hers as the guys seemed to try to move in on them. "I'm not alone right now." He smiled, feeling her kiss him again.

She giggled, running a finger over his pink lips. "You're so dumb." She breathed, jumping as he tensed. "What's wrong?" She asked, looking up at his face to see his signature glare directed at something over her head. She glanced over her shoulder, noticing the guys leering at her. "Forget them, John." She ordered, taking his wrists in her hands and guiding his hands to her butt. "You're the only one I see."

John chuckled, clasping his fingers and covering her rear end with his hands. "Well, I can still see them." He pulled her closer, his muscles tightening with fear as his eyes landed on none other than Jessica Jenkins. "How the fuck did she get here?" He slid his hands back to Claire's back, making sure her body was covering the bulge in his pants.

Claire followed his line of sight, her blood heating when she saw the demon. "Ignore her." She ordered, pressing her hand being his head and pushing his mouth against hers. She pushed harder against his lips, feeling his lips lock with hers as his mouth moved with her as she set the pace.

John slid his hands down her hips, resting them on her thighs ready to pick her up when she pushed him off of her. "What the?"

Claire poked his side, her finger pressing on his bandage. "You can't lift me yet." She stated, slapping his chest.

He caught her hands in his, wincing as her fingers hit his broken ones. "Watch it, Princess, I'm still a broken toy." He chuckled, running his fingers over the back of her hands. "But not so broken that I can't love you." He dropped one of her hands, pushing his fingers into her hair. "My flame."

She rolled her eyes, handing him his water bottle as she noticed it had fallen out of his locker. "You're such a dork." She smiled, watching as he unscrewed the cap on his water and took a long swig.

He pulled the bottle away from his lips, his brow furrowing at the odd taste. "I'm your dork though." He smiled, shrugging the odd flavor off and taking another drink. "And you love me."

She nodded, wrapping her arms around his waist as the bell rang and he shut his locker. "I do." She smiled, breathing his scent of oil and metal in. "Did you already have shop?" She asked, looking at his hands for traces of oil and grease.

He shook his head, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Nope, I've got that next." He kissed her head, starting off toward the east wing of the school. "I'll see you at lunch." He chuckled, catching the kiss she blew to him and placing it in his pocket. "In case I get lonely in class!" He smirked, turning back to the shop as the last bell rang.


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter Sixty-Seven**

John pushed the door open, squinting at the lights that seemed to fly around his head.

Sam raised his hand as John walked in, noticing that something was off with him. "Bender!" He shouted as John started to stumble over his own feet. "John!" He rushed to his friend's side, forcing John to sit down before he hurt himself. "What the fuck, man?" He looked into John's eyes, noticing that the pupils were dilated to the point where his brown eyes were almost completely black. "How did you get high?" He asked, taking the water bottle from his hand and opening it. He took a sniff of the liquid, puzzled that there was no scent to mention. He tipped the bottle to his lips spitting the water out when he tasted the salty flavor of Rohypnol. "John!" He looked up at his friend, noticing that he seemed to have a slight green tint to his skin. "Oh fuck." He grabbed a bucket of scrap, dumping the metal onto the concrete and shoving it under John's face as he vomited. "Fucking hell, Johnny." He tried to hide John from the prying eyes of the other students. "How did this happen?" He asked, not noticing the girl sneaking up on them.

John heaved again, emptying the last of his breakfast into the bucket. "I wanna have sex with Claire." He slurred, looking up at the light swimming before Sam's face. "Like right now."

Sam shook his head, walking over to the coffee pot that Mister Peterson had in the corner. "I gotta get you sobered up." He filled a Styrofoam cup with steaming hot coffee turning back to where John had been only a moment earlier. "John?"

Jessica pushed John against the stall in the girl's bathroom, pressing her lips against his as she unbuttoned his jeans. "John…" She breathed, lifting his hands to squeeze her breasts and guiding his fingers into her bra.

John moaned as her fingers brushed over his length, slowly lowering himself to the floor. "Oh yeah…"

She smiled, pulling his jeans down around his ankles. "You like that?" She asked, pulling her skirt up and dropping her panties to the ground as she slipped her fingers into John's boxers to get him ready for her.

John moaned louder, his eyes rolling back in his head with pleasure. "Fuck…" He breathed, feeling her start to pull his boxers down. "Yes…"

Jessica jumped as the door was shoved open, her scream being cut off by a pair of well-manicured hands around her throat.

Claire growled, pushing Jessica up against the wall as Allison and Kaylie struggled to get John's pants and boxers back up. "What the fuck are you doing with him?" She asked, digging her nails into the base of her throat.

Jessica smiled, lifting her hand to show the creamy fluid on her hand. "Getting what's mine." She screamed as Claire tightened to grip, pushing her hand against Claire's face to try and get away from her. "Get off me you bitch!" She shrieked, holding her clean hand to her neck as she regained her breath.

Claire wiped John's fluids off of her face, listening as Kaylie struggled to lift John's lanky body up so that they could get his pants buttoned. "You're a slut!" She shouted, glancing over her shoulder at John's half naked form as Allison tried to secure his jeans on his skinny hips. "If you ever touch him again, I will kill you." She growled, taking John's limp form from Kaylie after Allison had finished zipping and buttoning him up. She felt John's heart start beating funny, feeling it pump his blood in an odd rhythm. "John?" She lifted his chin, trying to get him to look at her. "John?" She looked at Kaylie, knowing that she would be their best hope before the ambulance could get to the school. "He's overdosing." She stated, her heart dropping into her toes with the words.

 **To be continued…**


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter Sixty-Eight**

Kaylie forced John to the ground, pressing her ear to his chest as she listened to his heart and breathing. "Allison, Claire, call the hospital. We need them here asap." She pressed on his stomach, trying to see if he'd thrown up already. She looked up at her friends, jumping as John's body became unusually still. "NOW!" She shouted, tilting John's head back and forcing his mouth open, she plugged his nose, sealing her lips around his as she forced air into his lungs. "Breath John!" She ordered, bracing her hands over his sternum and pressing down repeatedly. "God damnit!" She forced another breath into his body, tears streamed down her cheeks as she repeated the process, praying that she could keep him alive long enough for help to get there. "Richard!" She cried, praying that the man she'd chosen to be her father was close. "Daddy!" She forced another breath into John, gasping as she felt something in his chest pop with the next set of compressions. "Daddy! I need you!"

Vernon rushed to Kaylie, his heart hitting the floor as he took in the sight before him. "What happened?" He asked, kneeling beside Kaylie and the half-dead boy beside her. "Did he have an attack?" He asked, letting Kaylie rest as he took over the CPR.

She shook her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks as Vernon started his first round of compressions. "He- he was d-drugged by Jess-ica." She hiccupped, flinching as she heard John's chest give a painful crack with Vernon's attempts to force him to breathe.

Vernon, looked up as the sirens of an ambulance wailed outside, followed shortly by paramedics and a stretcher. He lifted John's limp body onto the stretcher, stepping back as the paramedics started fitting an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, and letting one of them straddle John's hips as she started compressions on his chest.

Kaylie buried her face into Vernon's chest, her sobs breaking his heart as he held her. He watched as John was wheeled away to the hospital, looking over at Dominic in the sea of students who'd come to see what was wrong. "Call Clarissa, she's his legal guardian, she's the only one who can take care of all of his medical stuff."

The teen nodded, starting off for the phone.

Clarissa slammed the car door, not bothering to put it into park before she rushed inside of the hospital. She stopped at the reception counter, frantically gripping at the counter top. "I'm Clarissa Standish, my son, Johnathan Kurtis Bender was admitted earlier today for a drug overdose." She pulled on the locket around her neck, remembering the picture she kept of John and Claire on the night of their junior prom.

The woman nodded, picking up a file from the stack and motioning for her to follow her back to John's room. "He's not quite stable yet, but he is conscious he just isn't aware of where he is."

Clarissa nodded, taking Thomas's hand as he caught up to her. "Tommy…" She forced her tears back, the terror of what she might see being pushed with them.

He nodded, squeezing her hand as they turned into John's room. "He'll be okay." He whispered, as his wife slowly pulled the privacy curtain back to reveal their John.

"Johnny…" She pressed a hand to his knee, her heart breaking as his eyes shifted to look at her, no hint of recognition in those brown orbs. "Baby… it's me, it's mom." She brushed her hand through his hair, a broken smile gracing her lips as he leaned into her touch. "You remember me, right?" She lowered herself onto the bed, kissing his forehead as she listened to the oxygen tanks pump pure oxygen into his lungs with each breath he took. "Oh, Pumpkin, I was so scared…" She let her hand drop to his chest, feeling the hard bandaging around his torso.

Thomas rested his hand on John's shoulder, jumping back as John flinched away. "Johnny, it's me, it's Tom."

John whimpered in pain as his body shook in fear at Thomas's touch, he leaned toward Clarissa knowing that even if he didn't remember anything about this woman that she was safe. He clutched at her sleeve as his chest spasmed with a harsh cough, tears running down his face as he tried again and again to regain his breath.

Clarissa hugged him close to her, rubbing her hands over his wrapped chest as he made sounds somewhere between sobs and coughs and gags. She knew that his stomach had been pumped, and she also knew that would put strain on not only his esophagus and his already irregular eating habits, but his vocal chords as well. "I know, Pumpkin." She kissed his hair, her own tears running down her cheeks as she looked at her husband for support. "This is worse than giving birth to Caleb." She stated, remembering the painful labor and delivery of her firstborn child.

Thomas nodded, rubbing his hand over her shoulders, being careful to not touch John. "He'll be okay." He soothed, fear rising as John's sobs stopped and he went oddly still. "John?"

Clarissa pulled him away from her, panicking as realized that he was choking on something. "Go get the doctor." She ordered, squeezing her fingers over John's throat to see if she could find the obstruction in his airway. "Johnny, Johnny, try and breath for me." She pressed her thumb against the dip in his collar bones, feeling something that was swollen in the tubes of his neck. "Can you swallow?" She asked, praying that he could somehow get the obstruction out by himself.

John cried as he attempted and failed to swallow, fresh tears springing to his eyes. He jumped back as the doctor came in with the man that had come with this motherly woman, noticing that the doctor had something in his hand.

"Alright, John, let's get you breathing easier." He poked John's neck, stopping at the swollen spot. He grabbed a new length of tubing, rubbing it down with lubricant before he looked up at John and Clarissa. "Can you hold him down?" He asked, knowing that getting the tube down John's throat would be even harder now that he was awake.

Clarissa nodded, laying her upper body against John's making sure that her weight wasn't hurting him while she held his head against hers with her free hand as she held his other hand in hers. "Shh… it's okay baby, it'll be okay…" She tensed as John made a choked scream of pain as the tube was forced down his throat and onto the swollen bulge in his esophagus. She felt him start to kick to try and get away from the torture he was being put through. "Tom, grab his legs." She ordered, wincing as John's grip on her hand became tighter.

The doctor pushed a syringe of orange fluid into the tube, pushing the plunger and letting the medicine slide into his throat. "Alright, that should help him breathe." He looked at the boy's legal guardians, relief flooding through them all as John's chest heaved with a huge gulp of air. "I thought we'd try that first, just so I wouldn't have to put him under for a trach."

John moved his hand, touching the tube in this throat to try and pull it out. He yelped as Clarissa pushed his hand down, not understanding why this woman wanted to cause him pain.

The doctor closed his hand around the tube, giving it one hard pull and letting it slide from John's mouth as he screamed with the pain on his already raw throat. "Mom!" He cried, bowing his head against her shoulder. "Momma…"

Clarissa rubbed her hand through the back of his hair, her chest aching as she felt the sweat soaking the locks and listened to his sobs. "I'm here, Pumpkin." She breathed, closing her eyes so that she could try to force herself to focus on the fact that he was alive. "Momma's here."


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter Sixty-Nine**

Claire knocked on John's bedroom door, holding a bowl of soup in her hand that she hoped to get him to eat. "John?" She called, slowly pushing his door open to show her boyfriend with his notebook and his pen in the darkly lit room. "I brought you some food."

John looked up at her for a moment, before going back to his book without saying a word.

She sighed setting it on his bedside table, as she sat on the edge of his bed. "What're you writing?" She asked, reaching toward him.

He turned away from her, the guilt of what Jessica had done to him still fresh in his mind.

She looked at the broken boy before her, wishing that she could take his shame and pain away. "John, please talk to me." She caught a glimpse of the writing in his book as he refused to look at her, reading the clean lines of cursive that he'd written with his good hand.

Chaos

I've been working towards  
a goal, a clean slate.  
This incident wipes my  
efforts and renews my guilt.

My hopes and dreams are  
now on hold. When will all  
this mistrust, fear and anger end?  
My life is chaos, again.

One person's actions began  
This attempt to ruin and reshape  
my life. Now two more people  
conspire to pull at the threads of my life.

I ask is why. I just want to live in peace,  
free from pain, fear and to live with those  
I love. Instead, my heart is heavy and I  
weep with frustration and shame.

The tapestry of my life is being shredded  
and my family and friends are my only shield  
from the black thoughts that plague my  
waking hours. I'm lost on road without signs

She looked up at him, taking in the tight wrappings on his chest and the dark circles under his eyes. "It wasn't your fault." She stated, watching as his breaths became shorter and more agitated. "It's like the meth, you didn't-"

"Get out." He growled, turning his dark eyes on her.

"John-"

"Out." He pointed at the door, his hand shaking from the withdrawals.

She reached toward him, jumping back when he pushed her from his bed. "John-"

"GET OUT!" He shouted, his voice cracking from the rawness left from his stomach being pumped.

She stood, walking from the room with tears running down her cheeks. "Dominic?" She called, knowing that if anyone could get John to eat it would be his cousin.

Dominic poked his head out of Andy's room, Andy's wrestling helmet on his head. "Is he being as ass?" He asked, unbuckling the helmet and walking towards John's room. "Don't worry, I'll take care of him." He pushed the door open, jumping toward his cousin as he convulsed in the grips of a seizure. "John!" He lifted him off of the bed, being careful to not hurt his cousin and make sure the sheets weren't a threat to his safety. "Hey, Johnny, look at me." He held John's head, the action becoming all too familiar over the months. "Shh…" He soothed, trying to comfort his cousin as best he could. "It'll be okay." He brushed a tear from John's eye, his heart aching with every painfilled cry and grunt from the younger Bender. "It'll be okay."

John's body gave a violent twitch, letting him relax after it had passed, allowing him to cry freely into his cousin's strong embrace. "I wanna die." He sobbed into Dominic's shoulder as the older boy pulled him to his body. "I don't wanna do this anymore."

Dominic rubbed his back, knowing that John was in constant pain and that his body always seemed to be betraying him. "You're not gonna die." He stated, feeling John's fingers dig into his back. "You've gotta stick around for Claire and Amelia." He caught John's hand as he started moving toward the knife Dominic kept on his hip in a small sheath. "Oh no, you're not doing that." He stated, taking the knife and throwing it so that it stuck in the door frame. "You're not offing yourself."

"Dominic, I don't want to do this anymore." He sobbed, trying to get his point across to his cousin. "It hurts too bad."

Dominic rubbed his hand through John's hair, combing the tangles out with his fingers. "Well, that sucks for you. Because I'm not letting my baby cousin die."

"It hurts!" John cried, desperate to make Dominic understand. "It hurts!"

Dominic nodded, lifting his cousin up as he sat on his bed, letting the thinner boy curl up on his lap. "I know Chiquito, I know." He rubbed John's back as he cried, remembering when they were both small and had to lean on each other for support when they were hurt. "It'll get better."

John shook his head, desperate for anything to stop the pain. "No, it won't!"

Dominic looked down at him, knowing that John wasn't hearing what either of them were saying through the pain clouding his mind. "I promise, it will."

Clarissa opened the door, looking in at her boys on John's bed. "How is he?" She asked, noticing the knife in the doorframe.

Dominic shook his head, holding John's wrists as he started to try and cut the skin with his nails. "Not good." He hated to tell her that, but he wasn't about to lie to someone. "He's talking suicide."

John tried to twist out of Dominic's hold on his hands, his sobs becoming louder as his grip tightened. "I don't wanna do this!"

Clarissa sat on the bed with them, trying to comfort John in anyway she could. "Give him to me." She ordered, taking John's long body from Dominic as he handed him to her. "Go get some mittens, we'll see if that'll keep him from scratching at himself." She kissed John's head, slowly rocking him from side to side as Dominic rushed to get the mittens. "Pumpkin, it's going to get better." She whispered, letting him cry into her chest.

"No, it's not!" He insisted, fighting to use the last of his spent energy to convince them that he needed to die. "It's not going to get better!"

Clarissa took the mittens from Dominic as he returned, sliding them over John's hands to make sure he couldn't harm himself. "It will. I promise."

John shook his head, his body too tired to let him form words.

Dominic watched as she tried to get his cousin to relax, feeling useless the entire time. "It'll get better." He stated, rubbing his hand over John's shoulders as his sobs faded, the sign that he was falling asleep. "It will."

Clarissa kissed John's head, remembering when her own children would get sick and she would hold them like this. "I love you, Baby." She whispered, noticing that even in sleep John's face showed that he was in pain. "More than you know."

 **Thank you HMG2000 for writing these poems! I love getting to brainstorm and work with you on this!**


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter Seventy**

John stared at the wall, his eyes unseeing as he rubbed at the tight wrappings on his hands. He watched as the fuzzy memory of Jessica's hand wrapped around his manhood played in the back of his mind, her face somehow becoming Claire's even though he knew it wasn't.

Claire held a potato chip to his lips, praying that he would open his mouth and eat it; but he did no such thing. She sighed, looking at the guitar beside his dresser. "John, if you don't eat you can't play at the battle of the bands on Friday." She tried again with the chip, sighing as he turned away from her. "John-" She wrinkled her nose at the odd scent or something with sausage, tomatoes, and what smelled like way too much garlic in it. "What the hell is that?" She looked at John as he seemed to perk up at the scent, wondering what was going through his mind.

Dominic smiled as he saw his cousin's eager face as his eyes landed on the Bender Bullion, he'd cooked up for him. "I thought it'd been a while since we'd had some comfort food." He chuckled, placing the plate on John's lap and handing him a fork. "Made it with all of your favorites, chicken sausage, ketchup, potato skins, sweet peppers, and three cloves of mushed up garlic." He grinned at Claire's reaction, watching as John stuffed his face with the food. "I thought that would get him to eat."

Claire curled her lip at the smell of the food, happy that John was actually eating after nearly three days without food in his stomach. "How did you know that would get him to eat?" She asked, looking up at Dominic as she listened to John wolf the food down.

Dominic shrugged, taking the plate away from John as he began coughing as he got a little bit of food into his trachea. "We used to make food out of whatever we could find when we were at my parent's house." He slapped a hand on John's back, smiling as his coughing fit faded and he reached for the plate again. "We always called it Bender Bullion, basically it's anything we can find to eat all tossed in a frying pan with garlic and as much butter as we could get our hands on and cooked until it's almost burnt." He handed John the plate, grabbing his hand as he tried to dive in at the same speed. "Slow it down, Fido."

John flipped him off, looking over at Claire. "Am I grossing you out?" He asked, speaking the first words he had since the day before when he'd been begging for death.

She shook her head wrapping her arms around his shoulder and kissing his cheek. "Not any more than usual." She giggled, feeling him hand his plate to Dominic as he wrapped her in his arms and pressed a kiss to her neck as he leaned her back against the pillows. She ran her hands over his sides, feeling the wrappings around his ribcage as his lips tickled her neck. "Someone's feeling better." She smiled, turning his face to hers as she looked into his deep eyes. "I'm glad you're eating again."

He nodded, rolling off of her, and swinging his legs over the side of his bed. "I think I'm gonna try to perform on Friday." He stated, pulling on a pair of sweatpants as he started for the door. "Where's Mom?" He asked, taking Claire's hand as she walked beside him.

She shrugged, stepping down the stairs with him as Dominic followed. "I think she's in the basement."

John nodded, walking into the living room with her. "Hey guys." He smiled, waving at the Breakfast Club as they all beamed at him. "I live."

Amelia rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around his hips as her tears soaked into his pants. "John!" She cried, feeling him kneel down to her level. "You almost died." She hiccupped, remembering his cries for death and her mother pulling her from school to be with the family.

He hugged her close, kissing her head as she cried into his bandaged chest. "I'm not going anywhere." He whispered, brushing his fingers through her hair. "I just hurt really bad." He stated, unwrapping his chest to show her why.

She gasped at the black and blue skin of his body, placing her hands on his pecs as if she were trying to make the bruising go away. "Does it still hurt?" She asked, watching as he nodded.

He sighed, letting her trace the dark splotches of color in his skin. "Yeah, it still hurts." He held her hand over his heart, covering her eyes so she could focus on his heartbeat. "But you feel that?"

She nodded, feeling the strong pumping of the muscle deep in his chest. "That's your heart."

John smiled, taking as deep of a breath as he dared. "And that?"

She nodded again, opening her eyes as he moved his hand from her face. "That's your breath."

He grinned, letting her move back to his heart. "I can't breathe and my heart can't pump if I'm dead." He stated, wincing as her fingers pushed a little too hard on the bruises. "And my heart is going to pump for a long, long time."

She looked up at him, pressing her other hand to his heart. "It's strong." She smiled, placing her ear on his chest.

John chuckled, looking up at his friends. "I would hope so."

Allison smiled, leaning forward. "Do you remember anything?" She asked, knowing that he hadn't remembered Clarissa or Thomas when they'd visited him in the hospital.

John shook his head, looking at them all. "What happened?"


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter Seventy-One**

John watched as Jessop and Amelia ran outside, settling into a seat on the couch as he rewrapped his chest. "I'm still pure, right?" He asked, looking at the group.

Allison nodded, remembering seeing John bare naked below the waist. "Claire choked Jessica out right before she got you all the way hard." She stated, remembering the creamy fluid on Jessica's hand. "But she did get you to… excrete some fluid."

John nodded, feeling Claire lean her head on his shoulder. "So, she gave me a hand job."

Kaylie nodded, shuddering at the memory of seeing the boy who was like her brother with his boxers and pants pulled off. "Looked like a good one too, since you weren't even hard yet."

Claire leaned back as he looked at her, noticing the break in his eyes. "You're still a virgin." She smiled, kissing his nose, yelping as he slammed his mouth against her, knocking them both back onto the sofa. She parted her lips, feeling his tongue eagerly enter her mouth. She could taste the garlic on his breath, but she didn't care, instead she ached her back so that her stomach was pressed against his. She felt something wet on her cheek, pushing John back to see that he had silent tears running down his cheeks. "John, what's wrong?"

He pulled her closer, burying his face in her neck. "I'm sorry." He whispered, feeling her run her hands over the valley of his spine. "I'm sorry for how I talked to you."

She smiled, slipping her finger under his wrappings to feel more of his muscles. "I saw your poem." She looked into his eyes as he moved away from her. "You don't need to apologize."

He nodded, running upstairs to retrieve the book. "I've got a few others I want you to see." He stated as he reappeared with the book in his hand, flipping it open to the newly penned pages.

Claire took the book from him, slowly reading over his handwriting. "Can I read it out loud?" She asked, knowing that he only let a select few people read his deepest thoughts.

He thought for a moment, eventually nodding and letting her share his feelings with the club.

She cleared her voice, tracing her fingers over his penmanship.

"The Wild Card,  
I'm surrounded in life by people I love.  
They play their roles. Mothers, fathers,  
friends, advisors, family. These people  
are like a deck of cards.

Clarissa and Thomas (AKA Mom & Dad),  
are the queen and king of hearts, my  
princess is the queen of diamonds, and  
Dominic is the ace I keep up my sleeve,

The others have their roles. With my many  
parts; leader, guide, defender, listener,  
with others to become apparent, I realized  
my part in this deck; I'm the wild card.

The joker, a monster with many faces  
often crosses my path, throwing my  
life into chaos. My heart and soul in  
turmoil, bad choices made.

As a wild card, I should learn from  
my past, for its helped shape who  
I am yet realize my future has  
yet to be written."

She paused for a moment, before turning to the next one.

"House of Cards,  
One by one they fall.  
My world is falling apart.  
I see the cracks between the  
cards, and the sky is changing

Many eyes watch me and I can  
see their accusing thoughts.  
The ground shakes and cracks.  
Lightning and thunder chase each other.

With each card that falls,  
I realize I'm seeing Hell on  
Earth. I wish I could stop the  
pain in my heart and soul.

Ugly creatures crawl out of swamps,  
twisted trees and crevasses. I'm chained  
to the ground in front of the mistress of evil  
as her minions' frolic. I struggle to free myself.

When I wake, I see sharp edges  
everywhere. They try to steer me away.  
I wish I could shatter a mirror and use a  
shard like a knife. Yet I hear a voice say 'No'.

I have people who need and love me.  
And other who'd like to see me fail.  
I pick up the pieces and begin to  
rebuild my house of cards."

John closed his eyes, listening to his thoughts spoken aloud for the first time in his life. "Good." He smiled, leaning on her shoulder as his body suddenly became tired. "Real good."

 **Thank you HMG2000 for the poems! I'm so happy you let me use these poems!**


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter Seventy-Two**

John looked up at the school, knowing that he'd be getting a lot of shit for the latest drugging. He looked over at Claire as she laced her fingers with his, smiling as he leaned over to kiss her head. "I'm okay." He whispered as they started for the school.

She nodded, glaring as she noticed Jessica watching them. She stopped John mid step, placing her hand on the back of his neck and pulling him down to kiss her. She let him stick his tongue into her mouth, moaning as he pushed on a particularly nice spot.

He retracted his tongue, nipping at her lips with his teeth. "What was that for?" He asked, still not noticing Jessica staring at them.

Claire led him inside, only stopping when they reached their lockers. "To make sure everyone knows that you're mine." She smiled, watching as he opened his locker and pulled out a paper bag that hadn't been there a few days ago. "What's that?" She asked, watching as John stuck his nose into the bag.

He jerked back at the familiar smell, reaching inside and pulling out a few joints of marijuana. "Dope." He stated, tossing the bag into the trash. "Fucking dope."

She watched as his muscles tightened with what she knew was anger. "At least it's not the worst of what you did."

John shook his head, pulling the rest of his stuff out of his locker to make sure there weren't any other surprises. "It'll still get you high." He stated, picking up a little kid play syringe with the word 'meth' written on it. "It's not as fun as the other shit, but it'll still fuck you up." He tossed the toy into the trash, pulling out an empty beer bottle.

Claire watched as he tossed the bottle into the trash, wishing she could have kept a better eye on his locker. "It just made me hungry." She stated, remembering the one joint she'd smoked in detention.

John nodded, pulling a sharpie marker from his locker and stuffing the rest of his things inside. He slammed the door, pulling one of his shoelaces out of his converse and making a noose before opening the door again and hanging it over the door so that the knot was visible to all. "That's the munchies. I used to smoke a big fatty before I had to eat whatever shit I found in the trash just to try and make myself hungry enough to actually eat it." He shut the door again, taking the marker to the metal and writing 'open this locker and you DIE' in big black lettering.

Claire shook her head at his actions, watching as he made sure the miniature noose was a good deterrent. "Does that actually work?"

He looked up at her, drawing a stick figure with crossed out eyes. "What? Rolling a fatty, or this?"

She pointed to his sharpie work. "That."

He nodded, standing to admire his work. "It's better if you have a guillotine fall every time you open it." He stated, picking up his backpack as the bell rang. "but the noose did the trick for the first couple weeks before I made the blade."

Claire rolled her eyes, walking with him to his Spanish class. "I can't believe you." She chuckled, letting him give her a kiss before she had to be off to her first class of the day. "Stay out of trouble." She smiled, rubbing her hand over his bare arm.

He smirked, tracing his thumb over her freckled cheeks. "I'll try."


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter Seventy-Three**

John stepped into his class, lifting his head high as he walked to his desk, forcing himself to appear unashamed of what had happened. He could hear the whispers going through the class, his temper rising with each one, until he cracked. "I didn't fucking relapse." He barked, making the last girl to lean over to whisper in her friend's ear freeze.

The blond kid who sat behind John rolled his eyes noticing the tea in his water bottle. "Is that beer?" He asked, nodding to the brownish-yellow liquid.

John shook his head, opening the cap and letting the peppermint scent float through the classroom. "It's tea." He stated. "I don't drink."

Miss Hernandez curled her lip at him, knowing that peppermint tea was a way to help with detoxing. "Alright, let's begin." She stated, watching John taking a long drink of his tea. "Johnathan, do you know how to say 'sexual assault is wrong?'"

John coughed as he choked on his drink, letting Dominic hit him on the back a few times to help clear his airway. "The fuck do you want me to say that for?" He asked, not caring that his language would probably get him detention.

She raised her eyebrow, staring him down until his eyes seemed to change. "I want you to know that what you did is wrong."

John stood, marching up to the front of the class. "Eres un idiota si crees esa sirena." He stated, leaning forward on her desk. "She's the one that drugged me, and gave me a hand job. I thought she was my girlfriend touching me and kissing me." He picked up a pencil, writing something down on the paper. "I swear this is the truth." He straightened his back, wincing as the motion pulled at the bones and cartilages in his chest.

Dominic smiled at his cousin, knowing what was on the paper and knowing that John had told her off. "Awesome." He smirked, watching as John leaned back in his chair and sipped on his tea.

John nodded, settling in for the rest of the lesson.

Claire rubbed John's back as he slid into his seat next to her at lunch, pressing a kiss to his lips. "How were your classes?" She asked, not noticing the bandage on his right hand.

He held his hand up, flinching as she grabbed it. "It's just a little burn." He stated, letting her unwrap it to see what he'd done. "I zoned out in shop and ended up touching a warm bead."

She looked at the long blister on his palm, looking up at him with shock. "You zoned out?" She asked, knowing that he'd been struggling with that for the last few days.

He nodded, picking up the plastic knife on his food tray. "Yeah… it wasn't a long one though." He ran the short teeth over the swollen skin of the blister, letting it ooze fluid into his palm. "Sam said it was only a couple seconds."

She handed him a napkin, knowing that he was trying to get the blister to drain so it would heal faster. "What about gym?" She watched as he wiped the fluid up with the napkin, happy that the liquid was clear and not yellow. "And Spanish?"

John shrugged, rewrapping his hand as he let it finish draining on its own. "They were okay." He lifted his fork as if to take a bite of his food, put stopped when his eyes landed on the smaller kid by himself in the corner of the cafeteria. "I'll be back in a few." He stated, slowly standing and picking up his food tray as he walked over to the kid.

Cooper looked up, quickly closing his notebook as John sat down across from him.

John pushed the food toward the kid, nodding at the look of hunger in his eyes. "Go ahead." He chuckled, watching as Cooper dug into the meal. "Cooper, right?" He asked, wondering exactly how clear his mind had been at the time they'd met.

Cooper nodded, taking a drink of the milk. "Yeah. You're Bender?"

John smiled, watching as Coopers sleeves got pushed up. "Old man?" He asked, noticing that there were some new wounds on his skin.

Cooper jumped, moving to pull his sleeve down until he noticed the worst of John's old ones. "Yeah." He sighed, pointing to John's. "Yours too, huh?"

"My bitch of a mother played her hand in it."

Cooped ducked his head, taking a bite of the cookie on the plate John had given him. "My Mom's dead."

"That sucks." John stated, taking a drink from his tea bottle in hopes of helping his detox move along faster. "Is he a drunk?"

Cooper shook his head, taking another drink of milk. "He's a college football coach."

"Hot headed?"

"No." He flipped his note book open, showing John the sketches. "He's thinks I'm a sissy because I don't play sports."

John smirked at the art work, looking up at Cooper with approval. "Dude, these are awesome." He grinned at the one of a little boy and girl huddled up together on the couch. "Siblings?" He asked, watching as he nodded. "How old?"

Cooper smiled, thinking of his brother's blue eyes and his sister's black hair. "Ricky is ten, and Amy is nine." He looked up at John remembering the kid in gym who looked so similar. "Are you and Dominic brothers?" He asked, wondering why John seemed to have more Mediterranean features that Dominic.

John shook his head, so used to the question that the answer came automatically. "No, our dads were twins. My Mom's family immigrated from Greece before she was born, and Dominic's mom is from Mexico."

Cooper nodded, understanding now why John's beard was thicker and his eyes were larger. "That's cool."

John shrugged, taking a French fry from the plate. "My girlfriend hates it." He chuckled, pointing at the redhead. "She sunburns real easy, but since I'm half Greek I tan really well."

Cooper looked at John's skin tone, wondering if he was tan or his normal skin tone. "You still look kinda pale to me."

John chuckled, looking back to Cooper. "That's what drugs will do to you." He pulled a photo from his own notebook showing it to Cooper. "That was my junior prom. I was actually healthy then." He remembered how his bones hadn't stuck out from under his skin, and how his hair had been even thicker than it was now. "I weighed almost 180 then. Now I'm in the 150 range."

Cooper noticed how John seemed to be a little heavier in the photo, and that he did seem to look healthier. "What happened?" He asked, watching as pain seemed to show in John's eyes.

"Shit hit the fan." He leaned his elbows on the table. "I was six weeks sober in that. While we were at the prom, I got drunk on vodka and spiked punch. Two weeks later, my little sister was kidnapped by my best friend's murderous parents." He ran a hand over the scar running through his eyebrow. "I was the only one who knew where she would be. I took a beating while I waited for help to come, the whole time trying to keep Amelia from getting beaten, raped, or killed. When they realized that I wasn't going to let them close to her, Rachel melted some meth and injected it into my back. Put me in the hospital for a week, and I didn't hit the worst of the detox until six days later. After the fifth seizure of that day hit, my foster parents had to rush me to the hospital just to keep me from giving up." He watched as Coopers eyes widened, knowing that the kid didn't know the whole story but only what the media had told. "I had enough meth in my system to kill me. I'm not sure how I survived that, but the other day, when I was hauled out of here in the ambulance, I was in the middle of an overdose from being roofied."

"You were roofied?" He asked, watching as John nodded. "How?"

"Jessica Jenkins put the shit in my water bottle." He stated, unbuttoning his flannel that he'd cut the sleeves off of just far enough to show the wraps on his chest. "She dragged me into the bathroom and tried to rape me. The whole time I thought she was my girlfriend because of the hallucinations." He tapped his finger over the wraps. "I had to have CPR done to keep me alive long enough to get to the hospital, and the compressions separated the cartilages in my ribcage from my sternum."

"Wow…" Cooper looked down at his measly cuts and bruises from his dad pushing him into walls or making him fall into something sharp. "You must be pretty tough."

John shrugged, buttoning his shirt again. "It helps to have friends." He nodded toward the Breakfast Club smirking as Jim gave Sam a noogie. "You're always welcome with us. And if you ever need a safe place to stay, here's our address." He handed a scrap of paper to him, standing as the bell rang. "Our phone numbers on the back. And if you need a way out, my foster dad's a lawyer."

Cooper nodded, looking up to see that John was already walking back to his group, his limp showing a little more than it had been. "Thanks…"


	74. Chapter 74

**Chapter Seventy-Four**

John walked into his history class, his mood instantly going sour when he caught sight of Jessica. "Fuck…" He breathed, noticing that the only empty seat was next to her. He settled into the desk, trying to ignore Jessica making eyes at him.

She leaned toward him, batting her eyelashes. "Do you want to meet me under the bleachers after class?" She purred, remembering how his eyes had rolled up in his head from the pleasure of her hand job.

John shook his head, noticing something sticking out of her backpack. "What the hell?" He reached over pulling his old notebook from the bag. "How did you get this?" He asked, flipping the book open to show that most of the poems and songs were either ripped out or scratched over with a pen.

Jessica shrugged, noticing the look of hurt that passed over his face. "I have my ways."

He looked at her, his hurt quickly turning to anger. "You ruined it!" He shouted, ignoring how the rest of the class turned to look at him. "I spent years on this shit, and you ruined it!" He felt something in his voice shift, the tone changing slightly. "You fucking bitch!"

Jessica sat back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. "That wasn't what you were saying when we were in the bathroom." She licked her lips, making sure he saw her. "If I remember correctly, you were asking for more of me."

John rolled his eyes, looking up at the board to see that they were studying Greek mythology. "Pay attention Medusa, maybe you'll learn a little about snakes like you."

Dominic chuckled as he leaned against his locker, looking down at the green-eyed girl in front of him. "You know, I think Jade is a great name." He smiled, motioning to her eyes. "I mean, the green eyes help."

She giggled, looking into his deep brown orbs. "What does Dominic mean?" She asked, wondering if it was typically a Mexican name.

He shrugged, placing a stick of gum in his mouth. "I have no fucking clue. I think my folks just found a random name and wrote that on the certificate before they left the hospital."

She nodded, jumping as someone touched her shoulder. "Jessica!" She smiled, hugging her cousin as Dominic's smile fell. "Dominic, this is my cousin, Jessica."

Dominic nodded, glaring daggers at the taller girl. "We've met."

Jessica nodded, letting her eyes travel to his groin. "He's a great lover." She smiled, jumping back as he leaned toward her.

"Never touch my cousin again." He growled, the threat clear in his voice. "I will not hesitate to protect him at all costs, even if that means I go to prison." He straightened his back, squaring his shoulders. "Besides, I already know what's in there, and I'm not afraid of it." He pushed past her, walking toward the men's room.

He stopped short when he saw that a bunch of jocks were pushing John around, demanding money from him. "Hey!" He shouted, marching up to the group. "Pick on someone in your own weight class."

The biggest kid looked at him, taking in Dominic's slightly more beefed up build. "Like you?"

John snarled, throwing a good hard punch and landing it on the jocks nose. "Fuck off dickwad." He growled, dodging a hit to his chest, knowing that he had to protect his torso or he'd be screwed.

Dominic placed his back against John's, protecting his rear as the jocks crowded around them. He felt John swing, using the momentum from John's hit to give his own more power.

The jocks backed away a little, looking up as Principal Anderson walked over to them. "What's going on here?" He asked, taking in the bloody noses and bruises on the jocks faces.

The jock who seemed to be the leader, Toby from what was stitched into his letterman jacket, pointed at the cousins. "They tried to keep us out of the bathroom, saying that we had to pay a fee to get in. I think they wanted to cash to buy more dope, Meth-head had a bunch of joints in his locker this morning."

Principal Anderson grabbed John and Dominic by the shirt collars, dropping John when a yelp of pain escaped him. "My office. Now!"


	75. Chapter 75

**Chapter Seventy-Five**

John brushed a hand over his beard, feeling the little lines where hair refused to grow on his scars. "Listen, Arnold, I didn't do shit. Someone else put the pot in my locker, and I tossed it as soon as I knew what it was."

Principal Anderson held his hand up, motioning for him to be quiet. "Johnathan, that's not what I'm concerned about." He placed the papers John had completed while he was in the beginnings of detox on the desk, pointing to the A+ grades. "Did you have anyone else in your home do these for you?" He asked, holding his hand up as John started to look more threatening. "I'm not accusing you of cheating. I just want to know if this really is your own work." He pulled John's file from the file cabinet, showing the copies of John's grades over the years. "See, according to this, your grades have barely been passing since first grade." He looked up at John. "Until mid-March last spring."

Dominic stepped in, making sure John didn't risk a seizure or zoning out from over stimulated nerves. "He was abused by his folks since first grade until March. He's always been super smart, but his grades were so bad because he couldn't concentrate through the pain." He motioned to John's scars. "He can prove his brain power if you need him to." He looked at John as his fingers twitched, making sure he wasn't going into a seizure. "If you give me the books for all of those, I'll quiz him right here."

Principal Anderson nodded, opening a text book to the pages of the work sheets. "Ten of them at random." He stated, watching as Dominic met his cousin's eyes a silent question and answer passing between them. "Question one: What year was the Battle of Midway?"

John looked up at him, answering without a second's hesitation. "The exact dates were, June fourth through June seventh in the year 1942. The coordinates to the island are: 28.2072 north, by 177.3735 west." He looked at the Principal. "The death count for the U.S. in that battle was: 307 soldiers, we lost the U.S.S Yorktown, and 145 aircraft."

The Principal took the book from Dominic, having to read through four pages to get all of the information John had just stated. "How?"

Dominic beamed, patting John on the back. "He's a genius, is how."

Principal Anderson looked up from the book, writing a few things down on a piece of paper and handing it to John. "Give that to your guardians. I'd like to speak with them before the week is over."

John took the paper from him, his brow furrowing. "You're not going to give us detention?" He asked, so used to getting Saturday detention that he couldn't believe he was getting a free pass.

Principal Anderson nodded. "If you stay out of trouble for the rest of the day, I'll give you a pass."

The cousins smirked, standing to leave the room. "Thank you, Sir."

"Boys." He stopped them, watching as they turned. "You're not bad fighters, ever think of joining the boxing or wrestling team?"

John scoffed, smirking at the man. "Boxing, maybe. But I'm not too keen on rolling around on the floor with a bunch of other guys in tights."

Dominic chuckled, patting John's wrappings on his chest. "Besides, he's still gotta heal up a little."

He nodded, looking at John. "I'm sorry about any pain I might have caused you."

John shrugged, placing his hand on the side of his ribs. "It's fine. I was more shocked than hurt."

Principal Anderson nodded, looking up as the final bell rang. "Don't forget to give that to your guardians. And we'll see you at the Battle of the Bands tomorrow."

John and Dominic chuckled, tossing something at him. "Here's a sneak peek of what we'll be doing up there." Dominic chuckled, watching as he looked at the tape. "We don't have the best equipment for recording, but it's descent enough. John's voice is strong enough that I think it picked up most of what we were trying to get."

John shook his head, touching a had to his throat as he felt something give a twinge in his vocal chords. "I just need to figure out how to keep it from getting to rough at the end." He stated, letting Dominic punch his shoulder.

"Maybe you should quit with the Roger Daltrey screams then." He laughed, knowing how much strain that put on John's voice. "But I'll bet it'll be fine tomorrow."


	76. Chapter 76

**Chapter Seventy-Six**

John leaned back in his chair, sliding down enough that he could rest his head on the back. He listened as Mister Fredricks droned on and on about geography, drumming his fingers on his desk and watching as the clocked ticked. He jumped as the door was pushed open, interrupting the class.

Principal Anderson, pointed to John waving him forward. "John, I'd like to speak with you." He ducked back out the door, not hearing the snickers from the others in John's class.

John stood, walking into the hallway to see Principal Anderson with the rest of the band. "What the hell did you knuckleheads do?" He asked, taking in the goofy grins on their faces. "You didn't kill anyone did you?"

Allison laughed, taking Kaylie and Dominic's hands in hers. "We didn't do anything."

Principal Anderson nodded, showing John the tape they'd given him. "You've all got some real talent here." He handed John the tape. "I used to be a music producer for LA Records. I spent a lot of years listening to albums, and tapes sent in by amateurs like yourselves." He looked at John, pride in his eyes. "In all those years, I never heard a voice like yours."

John smirked, looking at the others. "Thank you, Sir."

"What do you call yourselves?" He asked, noticing that there wasn't a name on the tape.

Dominic pulled John under his arm, ruffling his hair so it stuck up at all angles. "We call it 'Wrong Side of the Tracks.'"

Jim nodded, his southern accent becoming thicker and slower as he spoke. "We all came from the wrong side of town. Except little Alli-doll there, she grew up in a good part of town."

John laughed, letting the group hug him. "To tight!" He winced as they all squeezed him, feeling his ribs start to ache with the pressure. "Off!"

The band jumped back, Kaylie and Allison resting their hands on his back incase he needed to be caught or have his head held if he got a seizure. "You good?" Kaylie asked, sighing in relief as John nodded.

"Yep." He nodded, holding his thumb up. "Just a little soar still."

Allison helped him straighten his back, unbuttoning his flannel to check the wrappings on his chest. She found the end of them, gently untying the bandages to show the purple and blue skin beneath them. She rested her hand above his sternum, carefully applying pressure to see if anything had shifted. "You still feel pretty solid. I think it's just the cartilage that got you."

Principal Anderson, looked at John's bruised chest swallowing at the thought of what he'd gone through. All the scars lacing his torso told of his parent's abuse, showing that this kid was a survivor and wouldn't go down without a fight. "You must be one tough kid." He watched as Allison rewrapped John's chest, noticing how John's behavior changed. The kid became softer, more approachable, and even submissive as the girls took care of him. That's when he saw the scars that had obviously taken stitches on the other band members arms. "You all take care of each other, don't you?"

Jim nodded, handing John his shirt as Allison finished wrapping his chest. "He takes care of us when we need it, so we take care of him." He ran his finger over the scar on his collarbone, pointing out where the stitches had been. "He learned how to sew just so that he could sew himself and us up if we needed it."

John pushed his hand onto Jim's face, pulling the bandana he wore over his eyes. "Shut up man. I learned to sew so that I could fix my clothes and my boots. Stitching you assholes up was just a hobby."

Dominic chuckled, remembering how John's fingers had been slick with blood the last time he'd needed stitched up. "A hobby that you absolutely loved."

John rolled his eyes, the feeling of fresh blood on his fingers returning with the thought. "Oh yeah, I loved having all of you guys bleeding on me all the time. In fact I loved it so much that's why I patrolled the streets every night, just to see if anyone needed stitched up."

Principal Anderson shook his head, looking at his watch. "Alright, everyone back to class. You've only got twenty minutes left before you go home."

John slapped Dominic and the other boys on the shoulders, gently giving the girls a brotherly kiss on the cheek as they went back to their classes. "Stay out of trouble!" He called, a hint of authority in his voice as the others all nodded.

"Yes, El Jefe!" They replied, making John laugh as the door to his classroom closed.

He looked up at the class, noticing the looks they were giving him. "I'm playing in the Battle of the Bands tomorrow, if you're up for some good music and no judgement, come watch." He slid into his seat, looking up at the board for a moment, before leaning back and nodding off to sleep.


	77. Chapter 77

**Chapter Seventy-Seven**

John smiled as Amelia ran out of her elementary school to see him, kneeling down to wrap her in a crushing hug as she collided with him. "Hey Squirt, how was school?" He asked, kissing her cheek.

She looked up at him, knowing that she could tell him anything. "One of the older kids said I'm a loser like you." She watched as John started scanning the crowd of children, his eyes turning black with what she knew was anger.

"Who was it?" He stood as she pointed to the group of fifth graders all walking together toward what John guessed was one of their homes. "I'll be back in a second." He pointed at the sidewalk, raising his brows to make sure she understood. "Stay put." John marched up to the group of kids, walking around them so that he could stand in their path. "Did you tell Amelia that she was a loser?" He asked, noticing as a wave of fear went through them.

The biggest one stepped forward, shoving John in the stomach. "Yeah. She's a loser like you. She doesn't know anything. She says that you're a knight from a fairy tale, and you killed the monster under her bed. She's a little kid who doesn't know anything, just like you."

John watched as the kid went to shove him again, catching her wrist as she moved and squeezing it enough to send a message but not cause pain. "Sweetheart, I told her those stories because I wanted her to know I would always protect her. See, she is my little sister, and it's my job to keep her safe from bullies like you." He dropped her hand as she pulled back, watching as she noticed his scars. "If I hear that you're bullying her again, I'll go to your parents and let them discipled you how they see fit. I just hope that you get the message." He pushed through them, walking back to Amelia and Claire.

Claire looked him over, noticing the scared looks he was getting from the kids. "What did you do?" She asked, taking in the evil smirk on his face. "Oh God. You cussed them out, didn't you?"

John shook his head, taking Amelia's hand and walking them to the car. "Nope. I just told them not to bully my little princess, or I'd tell their folks." He opened the door for Amelia as Claire ducked into the driver's seat. "Not a single curse left my lips."

Claire rolled her eyes, turning the key in the ignition and putting the car into drive. "Oh. That reminds me, Mom and the other adults thought it would be a good idea to make a swear jar. They'll explain when we get home."

John nodded, looking back at Amelia as she pulled out the notepad he'd given her to write her story on. "How's the story coming?" He asked, chuckling as she shushed him. "In the zone." He smiled, taking Claire's hand in his as he turned back to see where Claire was driving. He noticed a black car in the rear-view mirror, remembering seeing it drive around the school a few times trough the day. He turned back to Claire, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "I love you." He whispered, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

She giggled, squeezing his hand to let him know she'd seen the car too. "I love you more."

Clarissa looked up as John, Claire, and Amelia walked through the front door, standing to hug the three. "How was school?" She asked, noticing John's bruised knuckles and the notebook in his backpack. "What happened?" She asked, reaching for the old beaten book, handing it to John to open so that he knew she wasn't trying to intrude.

John flipped the book open, showing her the scratch and ripped out pages. "Medusa got ahold of it." He reached into his pocket, handing the note Principal Anderson had given him. "And I got in a little scuffle because some jackasses were trying to charge me twenty bucks to take a piss."

Clarissa opened the note, pointing to the kitchen. "Go put a dollar and a quarter in the swear jar." She ordered, looking up at his confused face. "We're going to break those habits. We broke the not showering every day, the eating like a pig, and the playing guitar at two AM. Now we're working on the swearing. The F-word, is a dollar and every other word except the S-word -which is seventy-five cents- is fifty cents."

John nodded, pulling a quarter from his pocket and a dollar from his wallet. "Go put this in the jar for me, Squirt." He handed the money to her, looking back to Clarissa. "What's it say?" He asked, watching as her face beamed with pride.

"They want to do an IQ test on you because you're so smart." She smiled, pulling him into a hug. "John, you might be the smartest kid in school."

John rolled his eyes, starting up the stairs to grab his swim suit. "Claire and I are gonna go to the beach for a little bit." He paused for a moment, looking down at his girlfriend. "You're gonna wear that sexy little bikini, right?"

Claire nodded, rushing up the stairs behind him. "You better wear your swim trunks and not those stupid jeans and tank top." She giggled as he grabbed her waist, screaming as he started tickling her. "John! Stop! I'm gonna pee!"

John laughed, letting her go. "Race you to my room!" He took off down the hall, his Converse thundering as they hit the floor.

"Not fair!" She shouted, running after the faster boy. "Your legs are longer!"

"Keep up short stuff!" He laughed, reaching his arm out to catch her at his door. He pulled her close to him, kissing her lips before they went to get their swim suits. "I can't wait to see you in that bikini." He smirked, resting his hands on the sides of her ribs.

She smiled, placing her hands on his hips. "And I can't wait to see your new swim trunks on you." She kissed his neck, pushing away from him to get ready.


	78. Chapter 78

**Chapter Seventy-Eight**

John smiled as he leaned back on the sand, resting his hand on Claire's hip as he lifted his face to the warm ocean breeze. "This is perfect." He sighed, closing his eyes as he listened to the waves crashing on the beach.

Claire chuckled, resting her head on his shoulder as she listened to his breath. "It's nice that we're alone."

John turned his face to her, taking her hand in his. "Let's go for a swim." He stood, pulling her toward the ocean his long legs eating up the sand as he ran.

Claire shook her head, quickly adjusting her bikini top before they hit the waves. "I thought you didn't like water." She laughed, slamming into his chest as he turned and a wave slammed into his back.

"I don't." He pressed his lips to hers, breaking the kiss when a big wave washed over his head. "AH!" He screamed as they tipped over into the water. The salt stung his cuts and scrapes, as he held his breath. He risked opening his eyes, smiling when he saw Claire's red hair fanned out around her head. He swam toward her, wrapping his hands around her hips and pressing his lips to hers as she wrapped her arms around his chest. He planted his feet on the sand below them, pushing their heads above the surface as his lungs started to ache for air. "Wow…" He breathed, pushing his hand through Claire's soaked hair.

She giggled, tugging at his wet locks that were nearly black from the water. "You need a haircut."

He shook his head like a dog, flinging water around them. "It's not that bad." He chuckled, feeling her wrap her legs around his hips since the water would take most of her weight for him.

She smiled, tracing little circles on the back of his neck above his tank top that he'd worn to hide the wrappings around his chest. "You look like my brother's collie."

He kissed her neck, feeling her adjust as another wave hit them. "You like dogs though."

She nodded, feeling his feet lift off of the ground with the next wave. "I like dogs, but I don't like shaggy ones." She rubbed her fingers over his jaw, feeling the stubble there. "Speaking of which, you need a little manscaping done on the beard." She pulled on the few longer hairs, laughing at the look he gave her.

"I thought you liked it."

She smirked, jumping as his hands squeezed her butt a little. "Let go of my ass!"

He snorted a laugh, moving his hands to her upper thighs. "That ass is mine." He smiled, letting her rest her forehead on his. "At least it will be when we get married."

She pushed her fingers into his hair, kissing his nose. "Speaking of which, how many people were you thinking we should invite?"

He shrugged, rubbing his thumbs along a couple stretchmarks on her legs. "How many do you want there?"

She paused for a moment. "Well, there's Caleb, the club, my parents, my grandparent, my cousins, my aunts and uncles…" She looked down at John, suddenly thinking about the fact that he didn't have any family besides hers. "I mean, we don't have to invite everyone, it's just that my family would really love to be there, and-"

John cut her off. "I want your whole family there." He smirked, kissing her collarbone. "I want everyone there on your day." He met her eyes, noticing how they reflected the sunset. "After all, the wedding is for the bride and the honeymoon is for the groom."

She rolled her eyes, jumping as a piece of seaweed brushed against her foot. "That reminds me, where are we gonna go?"

John tilted his head, furrowing his brow. "Go? I thought we'd go stay in a hotel for a couple nights."

Claire shook her head, playing with his earring. "No, stupid. We should go to Italy."

He leaned into her touch, feeling her nails scratch his scalp behind his ear. "Whatever you want, Sweets. As long as I get lots of bedroom time, I'll be happy."

"Don't worry. You'll get lots of love."

"And spaghetti."

She laughed, pulling on his ear. "It's Italy, Baby. You'll get lots of pasta."

He smiled, pulling her closer to his hips. "Alfredo?"

She nodded, kissing his nose. "And Pizza."

"And meatballs."

"Raviolis!"

"Lasagna!"

They laughed, thinking of all the things they could do once they were married. "We should get home, it's gonna be dark soon." John smiled, letting Claire stand on her own as they walked toward the beach. "Tiramisu." He listed another food they could eat.

"Cannoli's!" She countered, pulling her flip flops on and picking up her towel. "What're you doing?" She asked, as John took the towel from her.

He wrapped it around her, drying her off with gentle hands. "Keeping you warm." He smiled, trying to stop his shivers as the cold started to get to his thin body.

She turned to face him, picking up his towel from the sand and trying to rub some warmth into his body. "If you'd put more fat on you wouldn't get cold so easy."

He shivered more, his teeth chattering as she rubbed over his skin. "I'm f-f-fine."

Claire shook her head, wrapping his towel around him and hurrying toward the house. "Let's get you warmed up."

He shivered again, huddling closer to her for warmth. "I th-th-think that's a g-g-good i-idea."


	79. Chapter 79

**Chapter Seventy-Nine**

Clarissa's head snapped up as she heard John's whimpers of pain. "Is everything okay?" She asked, walking from the kitchen to the entryway. "Oh my God." She took in John's freezing form, watching as Claire was trying to get him out of his soaked tank top, and get his flipflops off of his feet. "Is he hurt?" She asked, grabbing a blanket from the closet and draping it over John's shivering body.

Claire shook her head, rubbing her hands over his legs to try and get him warm. "No, we went for a swim and he got cold."

John whimpered as another pain hit him with the next round of shakes. "C-c-cold." He leaned toward Clarissa, knowing that she could take his pain away with her magical motherly touch.

Clarissa rubbed his back, pulling at the soaked wrappings around his torso to try and get them off so he could warm up a little better. "I know, Pumpkin." She unwrapped his chest, lifting him to his feet and walking him upstairs. "Let's get you in the shower."

Claire watched as they walked, noticing the long burns on the back of John's legs. She tilted her head, wondering what those had been from. They almost looked like he'd stood on a flaming log, but the fronts of his legs weren't burned at all. Maybe he'd gotten them from a hot pipe being held to his skin, or maybe something worse. Then she remembered something she'd seen in a movie once… the villain had poured alcohol onto his victims back, and used a blow torch to melt his skin from his body. John's legs looked a lot like something like that had happened to him. She shuddered at the thought of John's skin blistering and burning, the screams that she'd never heard filling his ears. She could practically smell John's blackened skin, taste the smoke that would have been there. She wondered if there had ever been a happy moment in his childhood, then remembered how he'd hidden the photo of he and Dominic as babies. Who was she kidding, he'd never had a happy moment until he met the Breakfast Club. He'd been a scared kid his whole life. The only thing he'd known was pain and fear. Maybe that's why he'd been such an ass to her that first day, he didn't want to be hurt or be scared of being hurt by her. She gasped, realization hitting her. "He had a crush on me from that first day."

Kaylie chuckled, coming to sit with her friend on the stairs. "He's had a crush on you since second grade." She smiled at Claire's reaction. "He just never thought someone like you would ever talk to someone like him."

She looked up at the balcony walkway above them, listening to the shower turn on in the enclosed part of the hallway. "He was right. I never would have given him a second glance until detention on March 24th."

Kaylie handed her a piece of chocolate, lifting the blanket that John had left at the base of the stairs onto their laps. "What changed?"

"I realized that we all have struggles, and that maybe mine aren't the worst of them." She listened to John shout that the water was too hot, knowing that it only felt that way because he was so cold. "I never would have thought that someone could hurt their kid like his parents did."

Kaylie nodded, taking a drink of tea. "He got the worst of it. My parents would hit me once in a while, or shove me into a wall or the furniture, but they never burned me and cut me like John's did."

"Did they burn John's legs?" She asked, afraid of the answer.

Kaylie shook her head, remembering how she and Sid had been on their second date at the diner, when they'd gotten a call from Dominic saying that John had been jumped and he needed help fixing him up. "He got jumped by the worst gang in town, they took everything from him; his shirt, pants, wallet, shoes, any weapon he had on him. They fucked him up pretty bad, he was lucky to escape with his life. I'm not sure exactly how they burned him so bad, but he doesn't remember a lot of it. He doesn't even remember dragging himself to Dom's house on his burned feet."

Claire looked at the floor, wiping her tears from her cheeks as she thought about what John had been through. "He never ceases to amaze me."

Kaylie smiled, pulling Claire into a sisterly hug. "He's pretty amazing."

"Do you think he wants kids?" Claire asked, knowing that some of the burners were against having kids.

Kaylie shrugged, taking another sip of her tea. "I know that I don't want kids. I'm to scared of being like my Mom. But John's different, I think he'd be a great dad. It's just a matter of getting him through detox and away from Medusa."

Claire nodded, smiling as Kaylie handed her another piece of chocolate. "We can do that."

Kaylie chuckled, brushing some of her blonde hair out of her face. "Damn right." She smiled, listening to the TV in the other room. "Come on, the guys are watching Star Wars, and I don't wanna miss it."


	80. Chapter 80

**Chapter Eighty**

Claire knocked on John's bedroom door, gently pushing it open to see him huddled under a heating blanket. "Are you still cold?" She asked, taking a seat on the edge of his bed.

He smiled up at her, taking her hand in his. "I'm better now that my flame is here." He pulled her down so that she was laying with him, tucking the covers around her. "You'll keep me warm."

She rolled her eyes, tracing her fingers over his chest, noticing that he didn't have the wraps on. "Are you excited for tomorrow?" She asked, resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm beyond excited." He yawned, enjoying the feeling of Claire laying so close to him. "But something's been bugging me."

"What?"

He looked at her, his hair still moist from their swim. "The Ashbend Rebuilds and Construction. That name sounds way too familiar for it to just be Déjà vu." He rolled over, propping himself up on his elbow. "I mean, it's like I have this fuzzy memory of hearing it in my house… like maybe it was something important I should remember, but I can't put my finger on what it is I should remember about it."

She nodded, remembering seeing the signs for the company on the freeway on their way into town. "I mean, it could just be a coincidence, but it might be something." She laughed, looking up at his confused face. "Wouldn't it be weird if your dad wasn't one of twins but one of triplets?"

"Fuck no." He stated, shuddering at the thought of there being more of his dad. "If there were three of them, I'm fairly certain I would have been dead by now."

Claire kissed his cheek, pushing him down and sitting on top of his hips. "Well, you're not dead." She smiled, feeling his hands on her thighs. "And you won't be anytime soon." She kissed his mouth, feeling his hands move to her back as they kissed. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, tasting the salt water that he'd gotten in his mouth when the wave had washed over them. She felt him move closer to her, his body flexing with his love. She let him lift her shirt slightly, feeling his calloused hands on her back as he traced little patterns on her skin.

They jumped as someone cleared their throat, Claire flying off of John's body and quickly adjusting her t-shirt. "Hi Daddy..." She smiled, trying to appear innocent.

Thomas shook his head, pointing at his daughter. "I know that one was you." He chuckled, looking at John. "And watch the hands kiddo."

John smirked, happy that he wasn't getting his ass chewed for that kiss. "Yes, Sir." He looked at Claire, smiling at her mussed hair. "I'll watch it."

Thomas nodded, pulling something from the shopping bag in his hand. "I got you two something." He handed John the wrapped box, watching how he and Claire both tore into it.

"Sweet!" John smiled, pulling out the photos of he and Claire over the last few months. "How did you guys get this one?" He asked, pointing to the one of he and Claire sitting in the garage while he worked on his Harley and she braided Kaylie's hair back.

Thomas smiled, watching as John's expression changed when he saw the copy of he and Dominic as babies. "We're sneaky."

John tossed the photo of he and Dominic away, letting it land on the corner of his bed. "Thanks Dad."

Claire crawled over him, picking up the photo and looking at it closer. "You guys were so tiny."

John nodded, his lip curling. "We were born premature. Our moms kept drinking for most of the time they were pregnant. Dominic was supposed to be born in July, but he was born in June instead. I was supposed to be January but I ended up in December."

Claire rubbed his back, noticing the pain in his eyes. "You're both healthy though."

John scoffed, motioning to his skinny body. "I am not healthy. I look like I'm anorexic."

Thomas ruffled John's hair, looking down at the photos. "You'll get it back." He smiled, patting John's ribs with the back of his hand. "I can't quite see those ribs now, and you're starting to go up in numbers again."

John chuckled, jumping away as Claire started to tickle him. "AH! Stop!" He gasped as his hand connected with something looking up to see the red spot on Claire's cheek. "Fuck! I'm sorry Claire. I didn't mean it." He moved her hand away from the mark he'd left, his heart hurting with the guilt of what he'd done. "Fuck. I'm so sorry." He kissed her cheek, relief flooding over him as she turned to kiss him.

"It's okay, you didn't mean it." She smiled, brushing a tear from his eye. "Hey, I'm fine. You didn't mean it. It wasn't abuse."

He nodded, holding her closer to him. "I'm sorry."

Thomas rubbed John's back, trying to comfort him. "It wasn't your fault. Heck, I'll bet that won't even bruise."

John looked up at the man, hope flashing behind his eyes. "You think so?"

Claire nodded, taking his hand and holding it to her face. "You didn't get me that hard." She kissed his fingers, feeling the rough skin on her lips. "I'm not hurt."

John smiled, happy that she knew he hadn't meant it. "I love you."

"I love you too." She held him close, making sure he knew she meant it.


	81. Chapter 81

**Chapter Eighty-One**

Clarissa carefully wrapped John's chest, making sure to keep the bandages tight so that he didn't shift something up on stage. "Arms up again." She ducked away from the head of John's guitar as he lifted his arms. "Don't get me with that thing."

John chuckled, feeling her tie the bandaging off in the middle of his back. "Sorry Mom." He took his shirt from Amelia as she handed it to him, happily pulling it over his head and placing a flannel over the top of it. "Thanks Princess." He kissed her head, reaching for his boots and pulling them on.

Dominic barreled down the stairs, his bass in one hand and Allison's keyboard and synthesizer combo in the other. "Hurry up jackasses!" He shouted, flinching as he realized he'd have to put another quarter in the swear jar. "I'll put it in there after I load these in the bus."

Kaylie took the keyboard from him, helping him load stuff as John walked out the door behind them. "So, guys, I've been wanting to talk to you."

John placed his pick in his pocket, stepping onto the front lawn as they walked to the big yellow bus that they'd painted with breakfast foods. "What about?" He asked, leaning against the bus as Dominic popped the hatch on the little trailer they'd hooked to the back of it.

Kaylie handed the keyboard to Dominic, adjusting the strap on her bra on her shoulder. "About Brian."

The cousins looked at her, pausing in their task. "What about him?" Dominic asked, wondering what was on her mind.

"Do you think it'd be too soon, if I started dating him… I mean, since Sid and everything…" She looked down at her boots, scuffing them on the pavement.

John placed his hands on her shoulders, slouching down to look into her eyes. "Hey, look at me." He smiled as she lifted her head, touching her chin with his thumb. "I think Sidney Oliver Silverman, would want you to find someone else. If I knew that son of a bitch as well as I think I did, he wouldn't want you to cry over him for the rest of your life. He'd want you to find a nice guy, settle down, have a few puppies-"

"I'm not having kids." She stated, blinking a few tears back. "You know that."

John nodded, pulling her close as Dominic wrapped his arms around them both. "Alright, have a few actual puppies. The point is, I don't think he'd want you to mourn him forever. And who knows, maybe he's the one looking out for us now, maybe he sent Brian to you so that you wouldn't feel so alone."

"Yeah." Dominic smiled, lifting the girl out from his cousin's arms and tossing her into the air. "He's always looked out for us. Why wouldn't he take care of us from the afterlife?"

Kaylie giggled, hitting his chest as he caught her. "Put me down!"

John chuckled, lifting his hands up as she turned on him. "Go find Brian. You have our blessing to have another boyfriend." He threw a few play punches at her, making sure she could dodge his fists. "And put some real shorts on!"

She flipped him off, shaking her little botty in her daisy-dukes. "I've gotta get his attention somehow!"

Dominic rolled his eyes. "Not with that ass!"

"Fuck you!"

John laughed, placing his guitar in the trailer. "How about you get fucked first!"

Kaylie slammed the door, leaving the boys leaning on each other as they laughed. "Assholes." She smiled, running up to Brian's room. "Brian! I wanna tell you something!"


	82. Chapter 82

**Chapter Eighty-Two**

John looked up as the MC announced a group called the Snow Leopards, watching as a bunch of girls in white leopard print bikinis strutted out of stage. He rolled his eyes as he saw that the lead singer was Jessica, little white cat ears pinned into her perm. "Yep. I'm a dog person." He plugged his guitar into the amp, warming his voice up with a few notes.

Clarissa shook her head, placing a few water bottles on the stage to make sure they didn't get dehydrated. "Johnathan…" She chuckled, noticing the look he gave her with the fear that he was in trouble flashing in his eyes. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

He smirked, taking a drink of the water bottle he'd opened a few moment's earlier. "Love me."

Dominic looked at the splints on John's fingers, waving Ryan over. "Can he take those off for a while?" He asked, pointing to John's hand.

"I think the bones are solid enough for tonight." He took John's hand, unwrapping the tape and pulling the metal frames off. "Just be careful, and don't hit them on anything."

John beamed, flexing his fingers for the first time in weeks. "Thanks, Doc." He looked up as Jessica's voice hit an earsplitting note. "Holy shit! Is she a dying bird?"

Amelia looked up at him, patting his pocket where he kept his change after he broke a dollar. "You have to put two more quarters in the jar."

John knelt down, looking the kid in the eyes. "I already put five dollars in there before we left the house."

Mary shook her head, jumping as Paul kissed her neck. "That was for the things you said before we left. We're still keeping track." She looked at her husband, smiling at the fact that he'd gotten off of work early enough to make it. "You're off early."

He grinned, holding her close. "I told the boss my kids were playing tonight and he let me off."

John laughed, pressing a hand to his throat as his vocal chords gave a twinge. "And I thought me and Claire were lovey dovey."

Claire threw a wad of paper at him, giggling as he ran from it. "Don't hurt yourself again." She almost fell over as he tripped over a power cord, nearly faceplanting as he stumbled.

He gave her a look, smiling as she returned it. "That's my girl." He walked over to her, kissing the hollow behind her ear.

She smiled, turning her head to kiss his jaw. "Play hard." She jumped off of the stage as the MC walked over to them.

John strummed a loud chord, leaning into the mic as he spoke. "You guys ready to rock?" He asked, grinning as the crowd cheered. "Alright!" He launched into the first song. "Oh we're not gonna take it  
No, we ain't gonna take it Oh we're not gonna take it anymore We've got the right to choose it There ain't no way we'll lost it This is our life, this is our song We'll fight the powers that be just Don't pick our destiny 'cause You don't know us, you don't belong Oh we're not gonna take it No, we ain't gonna take it Oh we're not gonna take it anymore Oh you're so condescending Your gall is never ending We don't want nothin', not a thing from you Your life is trite and jaded Boring and confiscated If that's your best, your best won't do Oh Oh We're right We're free We'll fight You'll see Oh we're not gonna take it No, we ain't gonna take it Oh we're not gonna take it anymore Oh we're not gonna take it No, we ain't gonna take it Oh we're not gonna take it anymore No way Oh Oh We're right We're free We'll fight You'll see Oh we're not gonna take it No, we ain't gonna take it Oh we're not gonna take it anymore Oh we're not gonna take it No, we ain't gonna take it Oh we're not gonna take it anymore Just you try and make us We're not gonna take it Come on! No, we ain't gonna take it You're all worthless and weak We're not gonna take it anymore Now drop and give me twenty We're not gonna take it Oh pledge pin No, we ain't gonna take it Oh you and your uniform We're not gonna take it anymore." He beamed at the cheers from the crowd. "You like that?"

The crowd roared, sending a rush of adrenaline through him.

He leaned toward the mic, deciding he should introduce the band. "Well that's what we like to hear! I'm John Bender, and these are my family members, Allison on keyboard and synthesizer, Dominic on Bass, Jimmy on drums, and Kaylie on back-up vocals and guitar." He looked down at his arm, checking the writing that he'd put there for their set list. "Who wants to hear something from the British Invasion?"

The crowd roared, letting John launch into Twist and Shout.

He sang about six more songs before the worst happened… just as he was hitting the last high note in Dream On by Aerosmith, his voice blew out, making the mic seem dead. He looked at the band, panic clear in his eyes.

Dominic swung his bass onto his back, rushing over to his cousin. "What happened?" He pulled John off stage, pressing his fingers to John's throat as he tried to find what was wrong. "Can you talk?"

John opened his mouth, the only sound being a pathetic squeak as he tried to speak. He clutched at Dominic's hands, his eyes showing his fear.

Dominic nodded, his eyes widening as a rag was pressed over his mouth and nose, the scent of coliform filling his nostrils. He watched as his mother appeared behind John, placing another rag over his airways and causing him to pass out just as Dominic's world went black.


	83. Chapter 83

**Chapter Eighty-Three**

Dominic groaned, pressing a hand to his pounding head. "Damn…" He opened his eyes, looking to his left as he felt something move in the dark of wherever they were. "John?" He reached a hand out, feeling the thin body of his cousin beneath his fingers. "Wake up." He shook John's shoulder, noticing the sound of a car engine and the hum of asphalt under worn-out tires.

John tried to make a noise of disapproval, but the only thing that came out was a harsh breath. He reached out to Dominic, his fingers wrapping in his t-shirt as the memory of what had happened hit him. He opened his mouth, a small squeak escaping him.

Dominic nodded, wrapping his arms around his cousin as he attempted to comfort him. "I know bebé niño." He pulled John close, pushing his own fear down as he felt John start to shake. "Estara bien." He felt the car slow, listening for some noise to tell his where they were. The car stopped, giving a little bump as it was put into park.

"Do you have the goods?" Someone asked, as the car doors slammed shut.

John looked up at Dominic, knowing that even though he couldn't see him, he was looking at him too. He squeaked, pulling on Dominic's sleeve to try and tell him what he was trying to say.

Dominic pushed John's head down, shushing him. "Act like you're sleeping." He whispered, knowing that they could both pull the act off without a hitch. "No matter what, stay limp like you're still gassed."

John nodded, forcing the tension from his muscles, closing his eyes and evening out his breath as he listened to Dominic do the same. He felt a cold breeze on his cheek as the truck was popped open, feeling strong hands on his ankles as he was pulled from the car. He hit the ground with a thud, the air getting knocked out of him for a moment.

"They're strong boys." The voice of John's uncle Rueben stated, as John's legs and arms were squeezed and his body was examined by the men.

He felt his clothes being pulled at, his shirt being ripped open to show the wraps on his chest.

"What's this?" One of the men asked, slipping his fingers into the wraps and shaking John like a ragdoll. "Is he damaged?"

John's aunt Juanita's voice cut in, her Mexican accent thick as she spoke. "He's Bueno for what you need. He's American, young, tough, he's used everything you're selling so he'd have no problem selling it."

The man threw John's body to the ground, kicking his side as he moved on to Dominic. "And this one?"

Rueben nodded, noticing that his son had more mass to him than John did. "Strong, healthy, he's used as much as the other one has. American citizen, eighteen so he's able to do a little more than the other one."

The man felt over Dominic's body, squeezing his ribs and his hips. "The other one's bonier." He stated, looking up at the pair. "Why's that?"

Juanita looked at John, her lip curling at the money they would lose because of John's lack of weight. "He's a picky eater." She stated, leaning down to give him a hard smack on the cheek. "Never ate my tamales."

The man nodded, straightening to look at the pair. "I'll give you ten for the eighteen-year-old, and four for the skinny one." He stated, showing a wad of thousand-dollar bills. "I might go higher for the older one, but that skinny one I'm doing you a favor with. He'll only last a couple weeks at most, I wouldn't be buying him unless I needed mules."

Rueben nodded, opening his mouth to speak just before sirens wailed and the sound of a helicopter buzzed overhead.


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter Eighty-Four**

John launched to his feet, tackling the drug lord to the ground, trusting Dominic to have his back against his aunt and uncle. He pinned the man to the pavement with his knees on his shoulders, his hands fumbling with the gun that he had dropped. He pointed the barrel at the drug lord's head, his hands unusually steady for the fear that was coursing through his veins.

"John!" Claire's voice cried over the buzz of the sirens and helicopter flying around them.

John didn't look at her, instead keeping his eyes trained on the man who'd tried to buy him. He flinched as hands wrapped around his shoulders, his finger closing around the trigger and sending a bullet into the concrete only inches from the drug lord's head. Someone ripped the pistol from his hand, tossing it away from them as they pulled John away from the criminals. "Shh… it's okay Johnny. You're okay." Thomas forced John's face toward his shoulder, holding the teen as he shook against his chest. "You're not hurt, are you?" He pulled John away from him, looking his body over for any new wounds. He sighed in relief as he realized that the only new injuries John had were a few little scrapes from the pavement on his elbows and a small cut on his knee that he'd gotten while on stage. "What happened?"

John pointed to his throat, trying to tell his father-figure that he still couldn't speak.

Thomas looked up as a man that looked identical to John's father and uncle walked up, holding John tighter as his muscles tightened with fear. "John, this is Asher…" He looked over as the cops finished cuffing Juanita and Rueben, noticing how Asher had a look of pure hate on his face, his eyes going just as black as John's did when he was angry. "He's your uncle."

John shook his head, breaking out of Thomas's hold and running to Clarissa. He wrapped his arms around her, letting his fear show as she held him. "Shh… it's okay, Pumpkin." She rubbed his back, watching as Asher marched up to his brother and sister in-law.

Dominic shied away from the new family member, stepping closer to Chris Clark as he watched the man.

Asher glared at his brother, balling his fist and letting it fly into his face. "That, is for kidnapping my nephews." He threw another punch, breaking Rueben's nose with a sickening crunch. "That one, is for Jacob telling me they were dead." He turned back to see the horror in John and Dominic's faces, instantly regretting what he'd done. "Boys…" He stepped toward them, stopping after the first move when they shrunk away from him. "I guess there's some explaining to do…"

John found Claire's hand, lacing his fingers with hers, as he backed farther away from the newcomer.

Claire looked at his eyes, noticing the yellow tint in the brown that always showed his fear. She squeezed his hand, trying to let him know that despite Asher being his father's long-lost brother, that he was safe. "John..." She touched his face, noticing that he was starting to slip into a memory of what had happened to him as a child. "John, stay with me." She brushed his hair behind his ear, letting her fingers trace back down his jawline. "He's safe."

John tightened his grip on her hand as Asher walked toward them, stumbling backwards as the image of his father marching toward him with a bicycle chain in his hand flashed through his mind.

Andy caught John as he fell, holding the larger teen in place as he struggled to get away. "John, John." He held John's back to his chest, happy that John's strength hadn't returned in full force yet. "He's okay. He's not like your old man."

John reached for Dominic, his voice barely making a squeak as he tried to call for his cousin.

Dominic, wasn't much help though, as he was being held in the same position by Chris and Vernon. "Get the fuck off of me!" He kicked out as Asher came closer, trying to get away from the men holding him. "He's gonna hurt me!"

John gave a panicked series of sounds, still trying to use his blown vocal chords, as he pushed back against Andy's chest, twisting and kicking to try and get away. "N-o." He managed, the single word being broken into two sounds as his voice cracked halfway through.

Amelia buried her face into her brother's shoulder, listening to Dominic's screams to get away from the man who'd helped to find them. She could hear John's boots on the ground, knowing that he was trying just as hard to get away from the new man. "Why're they so scared?" She asked, looking up as John's boots stopped scraping on the pavement.

John's chest heaved as Andy forced his friend to the ground, stepping back as John's body emptied itself of any food he'd had in his stomach. "John, settle down. He's not gonna hurt you." Andy rested a hand on John's back, wrinkling his nose at the smell of vomit.

Brian shook his head, rubbing his hand over Amelia's little, pink, leather jacket that John had insisted they get her. "They're just remembering some bad things that happened to them." He closed his eyes as John wretched again, knowing that he had to be in pain from the strain on his ribs and vocal chords.

John heaved again, tears falling from his eyes as his pain radiated through his body.

Asher knelt beside his nephew, gently laying a hand on his back. "Johnathan?"

John jumped, trying to get away from the man, vomit dripping down his chin. "N-o." He croaked, letting Claire wipe his face with a tissue.

Claire brushed her fingers through his hair, kissing his temple as he trembled against her. "John, he's okay. He's safe."

Asher nodded, holding his hand out to his nephew. "I promise I won't hurt you."

John shrunk back, the muscles in his body starting to tighten and twitch. He grabbed Claire's hands trying to tell her what was wrong.

Clarissa pulled Asher back, knowing that John was dangerously close to a seizure. "I think it's best if we let them relax for a while." She watched as John's body seemed to relax slightly, giving a little sigh of relief at the averted seizure. "John has had issues with seizures over the last few months, and I think his nerves are a little too close to one to risk anymore reminders of his father." She looked up at Asher, her pain clear in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Asher. It's just, John is still so fragile… and I don't want to risk him being in the hospital again."

Asher nodded, looking at his nephews as they shook in the arms of their loved ones. "I guess I just got carried away… seventeen years, I thought they were dead… and now that I know their alive…" He breathed a broken laugh, shaking his head as he looked at his shoes. "It's like the world went from a dark pit, to a brightly lit room." He flexed his bruised knuckles, rubbing his brother's blood from his fist. "I've never thrown a punch in my life, and the first time I do I scare my nephews half-to-death."

Clarissa looked at the boys, nodding as John reached for her like a small child. "I think you should go home, we'll call you in the morning if they're doing well enough to see you."

Asher nodded, his heart breaking at the fear in their eyes. "I hope they're okay." He looked over at John, taking in the puddle of rejected food a few feet from him. "I never meant to scare them."

Clarissa rubbed his arm, stepping toward John as he started struggling to get to her. "I know. They've just been through a lot, and it's a big shock to see their fathers' faces on another man."

Asher started toward his car, waving a farewell at the family. "Give me a call." He shouted, closing the door as his limo driver took off for his home. "I never thought I would see those boys." He hung his head in his hands, letting a few tears run down his face at the thought of what he'd done. "I should have taken them when I had the chance." He remembered watching Beverly and Juanita throw back shots of vodka like it was nothing, they're pregnant bellies swollen enough to make their shirts stretched out enough to rip at any moment. He remembered the night Dominic had been born, how they'd been told he probably wouldn't live to be a year old. It'd been that night, six months before John was born, that Asher had packed his bags and moved to Los Angeles. "I'm such a fucking dick."


	85. Chapter 85

**Chapter Eighty-Five**

Claire rested her chin on John's head as they drove back to the house, feeling how he leaned into her as the adrenaline ebbed out of his system. She rubbed his back, feeling how he flinched when she pressed to hard on a bruise. "Sorry." She glanced over at Dominic, noticing how he leaned on Clarissa much like John was with her.

John squeaked, grabbing Claire's attention from his cousin. He looked up at her, trying to convey what he wanted to say with his eyes.

Claire gave him a puzzled look, unsure of what he was trying to say. "I'm sorry John, I don't know what you're trying to tell me."

John opened his mouth again, trying to force the words to come. He tried again, and again to form the sounds he needed, only becoming more and more frustrated with each failed attempt. After several tries, he gave up, letting his fist fly into the seat in front of him.

Claire took his hands in hers, looking into his black eyes as she tried to calm him. "John, you'll have to write it down for me." She kissed his nose, jumping as his mouth slammed into hers. She let him take out his emotions on her, knowing that kissing was the best way for him to figure out what he was thinking other than when he was writing lyrics or poems. She moved her mouth with his, letting his anger and frustration be channeled into a passion for her. She pushed her fingers into his hair, feeling the warm press of his body against hers as he tried to get even closer to her.

Thomas watched the two a few seats ahead of him, knowing that John was only trying to calm himself and take out his emotions in a nondestructive manor, and that if he tried to separate them, he might trigger John into a seizure or worse from his already fried nerves. So, he watched in pained silence.

John tried to make a sound of pleasure to let Claire know he was feeling better, but nothing came out. He kissed her harder, squishing her body against his as he tried to get impossibly close to her.

Claire gasped, feeling something in John's chest shift. "John, did something move?" She pressed her hand to his sternum, gently feeling over his chest to find any bones that were out of place.

John jumped as she pressed on a particularly sore spot, catching her wrist in his hand to stop the pain.

She nodded, untying the wrappings on his torso to see what the surface damage was. She ran her hand over his bruised side where the drug lord had kicked him, tracing her hands over his skin as she tried to find what had shifted.

Chris slowed the bus, stopping just outside of the house and letting everyone off. He patted Andy's shoulder, showing how proud he was of his son for trying to keep John safe. "You did good."

Andy watched as his friends limped into the house, keeping a close eye on John as his limp seemed even worse than his bad days. "It never should have happened." He growled, letting his mother take his hand in hers.

"You did your best to help them." She smiled, kissing her son's head. "That's all you can do."

Thomas reached for John as he bolted to the back door, noticing he grabbed his hand wraps from the counter as he blew by. He held a hand out to stop the other adults rushing after the teen, knowing what John felt he had to do. "Let him go." He heard the garage door open, knowing that John had opened the big one so he could move his motorcycle out of the garage and have more room. "He's gotta figure this out."

They walked to the living room, not noticing as Amelia pushed the back door open and ran after her hero. She listened to John's fingers slide over the cotton wraps as he pulled them over his hands, peaking around the corner as John tossed his flannel onto the bench to get more range without the fabric around his shoulders. She watched as he balled his fists, hitting the bag with as much force as he could get out of his exhausted body. She slowly stepped inside of the garage, walking as silently as John did most of the time so that he wouldn't know she was there. She balled her tiny hands, copying John move for move. She stayed there for almost an hour, until she noticed that John was wearing himself out as the sweat shone on his back. She smiled, walking back to the house and running to the living room for Clarissa. "Aunt Clarissa, John's tired and needs to come inside."

Mary jumped up, sighing in relief that her daughter had been with John. Then the idea that she'd been with John while he was so emotional got her heart pumping. "He's okay, right?"

Amelia nodded, remembering John's sweat-soaked form as he punched the bag. "He's just tired."

Thomas stood, knowing that it still might not be the best idea to go to John. "I'll go see if he's ready to come in."

Thomas watched as John guarded his face, noticing that his stance was almost like that of a pro boxer, with the hint of a street fighter in there. He smiled as John faked a left jab, coming back with a hard right hook. He remembered going to his friend's boxing matches in high school, watching John was a lot like that, except for the fact that John had been forced to teach himself out of the need to survive. He looked at the scars lacing John's back, taking in the lines that were obviously from the bike chain he'd been whipped with, and the others that looked like glass or a knife of some sort. "John?"

John jumped, dropping his hands as his brain sent to signal to his body that he was safe.

Thomas walked inside of the garage, smiling as he saw that John's hands were wrapped perfectly to avoid breaking the metacarpal bones in the back of his hands, or tearing up the skin on his knuckles. "You're getting good at that."

John shrugged, his brow furrowing as Thomas opened a box and pulled out some gloves with huge pillow looking pads on the palms. He watched as Thomas pulled them on wondering what he was doing.

Thomas smiled, holding his hands up. "Hit them."

John searched Thomas for any sign that this was a trick, wondering if he was trying to punish him for something.

"John, it's just an exercise. I want you to hit the padding on my hands, and dodge when I make a swipe at you." He smiled as John seemed to get it, watching as the teen balled his fists and lit into the gloves, dodging Thomas's slow swipes perfectly. "That's it!" He laughed as John's eyes seemed to lighten with joy at the game. "Alright, I'm gonna speed my swipes up a little." He let John give a few more punches, taking a swipe at his head, chuckling as John dodged it without a single flaw to his form.

Clarissa and her daughter smiled at the boys, watching as John ducked under Thomas's hand and popped back up a second later with a few good hits to the gloves. "They're something else." She chuckled, pulling her daughter closer.

Claire nodded, noticing that John's stress was melting away with the new activity. "I'm glad he's okay."

Clarissa laughed as John grinned, his hit's speeding up with Thomas's swipes. "Me too."


	86. Chapter 86

**Chapter Eighty-Six**

John opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out as Ryan shone a light into the back of his throat. Ryan sighed, holding his hands close to John's neck as he waited for him to give the go-ahead to touch his throat. He smiled when John nodded, gently touching his fingers to John's larynx. "Try to hum." He felt John try to hum, his larynx flexing as he exhaled, but no sound was heard. Ryan repositioned his fingers, pressing on his Adams Apple. "Try again." John obeyed, jumping away from Ryan's touch as a sharp pain shot through his neck with a short cry. Ryan sat back, puzzled at what could be wrong. "I want to run some tests, but right now, I'd say that your vocal cords are strained from overuse." He looked up as Clarissa, patting John's knee as the teen settled back into his nest of blankets on the couch. "If that's the case, I think a couple weeks without speaking or making any other sounds should do the trick to get his voice back."

John pulled the blanket farther up on his shoulders, resting his head on Claire's lap. He closed his eyes as she brushed her fingers through his hair, parting a small section into three pieces and weaving a short braid into the silky locks. "Do you want your tea?" She asked, rubbing a hand over the aching muscles in his back and shoulders.

He nodded, taking his mug from her and sipping on the peppermint liquid inside.

Amelia skipped into the kitchen, playing with the cotton wraps that John always wore when he hit his heavy bag. She turned to John, holding her hand out for his inspection on her attempt. "Is that good?" She asked, watching as he shook his head, slowly sitting up and taking her hand in his. His rough hands gently unwrapped her palm, pulling the wrap tighter on her wrist before lacing it through her fingers. He held his own hand up, stretching his fingers out as far as he could to tell her to copy him. She nodded, fanning her fingers as wide as they would go as he wrapped the cotton around her knuckles a few times and secured the end with the Velcro patches. He held his hand up to her, tapping his palm trying to tell her to hit his hand.

She looked up at him, knowing that he didn't like being touched most days, and that if she hit him, he might get hurt again. "I don't want to hurt you."

John gripped her wrist, bringing her fist to his palm insisting that she try.

She shook her head, pulling away as he reached for her hand again. "Uh uh." She pulled the wrap off, dropping it as she ran to her room.

John picked the fabric up, looking at the family, his question of what he'd done clear in his eyes. He pushed himself up, walking after the child. He limped up the stairs, pausing when he reached her room to listen to what was going on inside.

Amelia wiped a tear from her cheek as she pushed the polaroid under her pillow, looking up as John pushed her door open. She watched as he walked into her room, launching herself toward him as he sat on her bed. She felt his hand brushing over the back of her hair, burying her face into the shallow valley between his pecs. "I don't want to hurt you." She mumbled, feeling John shake his head. She looked up at him, watching as he traced a scar over his side, the skin still purple from the wound. She met his eyes as he tapped the scar, nodding as if he were saying that hurt. "But I don't want to hurt you."

John pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes searching her room for something to help him speak. His eyes landed on the chalkboard he'd bought her, standing and picking up a piece of chalk. He pointed at Amelia, turning and writing what he was trying to tell her. "You could never hurt me." He looked at her, raising his brows to see if she understood.

She looked at her hands, crawling back over to her pillow and pulling out the old photo. "Claire gave me this. She said you didn't want it."

John took the picture from her, closing his eyes against the memory. He handed her the photo, turning back to the board to write what he needed to tell her. "I don't want to remember."

She tilted her head, looking down at the photo of John and Dominic as babies. "Why?"

He sighed, writing on the board again. "That was the last time I didn't have scars." He pointed to his smooth skin in the photo, tracing the fingers of his other hand over his abs, hips, and chest, showing her the ropes of tissue branded into his skin. "I don't want to see what I used to look like." He wrote on the board, smiling as Amelia nodded.

She wrapped her arms around his hips, giving him a hard squeeze. "I like how you look."

John smiled, kneeling down to look Amelia in the eye. He guided her hands to his ribs, showing her how thin he was and how his bones still stuck out.

She grinned, running her fingers over his chest. "I think you look good. And Aunt Claire really likes how you look."

John shook his head, insisting that he was too thin by returning her hands to his ribs as she tried to pull away.

Amelia looked up as Claire's voice floated into her room. "I really do like how you look." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his chest as he stood. "I think you're hot."

John dropped his head, pressing his lips to her mouth.

Claire moaned, her hand finding his as he traced his fingers over the curve of her hips. "God, I wish we were married."

John smirked, kissing her again and pushing her from Amelia's room, before leading her to his room. He left the door open, letting her know that he wasn't going to deflower her yet but only let her have some time alone with him.

Claire laid back on his pillows, smiling as his scent surrounded her. She closed her eyes, feeling John's strong arms wrap around her as she rolled onto her side to let him have more room beside her. She sighed as his scruffy chin rubbed against her neck, his lips like soft flower petals on her skin. She felt him pull her to his body, her hips matching the curve of his as they spooned. She placed her hand on his cheek, her fingers curling behind his neck to let him know she never wanted this moment to stop. His breath fanned over her cheek, his lips tracing the ridge of her ear as he nipped at her earring. "What are you doing?" She chuckled, turning her head to look at him as he stopped. "Well, don't stop."

He smirked, pressing his lips to hers. He pulled back as she turned over, pressing her hands on his chest as she returned his kiss. He pressed his hand over her heart, feeling how it was beating in time with his.

She held one hand over his, placing the other one over his heart. She felt the strong pulse under her hand, the rhythm comforting her as they separated. "I love you." She sighed, resting her head on his pillows as the warm waves of sleep began to pull at her.

He smiled, pressing one hand over his heart and the other to hers, trying to show that he loved her too. He kissed her head as she was slowly pulled under by sleep, happy that at least one of them would be able to sleep after the events of the night. _That's my Sweets._ He thought, listening to her breath as he closed his eyes against the light of his room. He pulled a thin blanket over them both, tucking most of it around Claire as she slept. _I wish I was the man you deserved._ He felt her shift closer, hugging her closer as she whimpered in her sleep. _You deserve so much more than an addict like me._ He heaved a sigh, resting his chin on her head as a fitful sleep claimed him.


	87. Chapter 87

**Chapter Eighty-Seven**

Claire jerked awake, looking down at John as he tossed and turned in his sleep, his hands gripping the sheets with white knuckles. "John." She placed her hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. "Come on, Sexy, it's time to wake up." She winced as John's hand clamped around her wrist, brushing her hand through his hair to try and calm his fear from the dream. "John, wake up." She smiled as his eyes opened, the yellow slowly fading back to brown in the dim moonlight shining through his window. "Nightmare." She gasped as he threw the covers off of himself, watching as he paced around his room, almost like a caged lion. "John, it was just a dream."

He shook his head, heaving a breath as he raked his fingers through his hair.

Claire nodded, knowing that at one time it hadn't been just a dream. "John, come back to bed."

He took a few heavy breaths, his eyes landing on the bottom drawer of his dresser. He rushed over to it, ripping it from the frame as his hands clutched at the clothing he had inside of it.

"John!" Claire tried to pull him away from the mess he was making, unsure of what he was doing. "Stop."

He pushed her away, pulling something from the bottom of the drawer, letting the moonlight glint off of the steel edge.

Claire looked at the knife, wondering what was going through his head. "John…" She jumped as he turned on her, seeing something off in his eyes. "John… what are you doing?"

He dropped the knife, seeming to come back to himself as he looked at his hands like they were someone else's. He looked up at her, fear shining in his eyes.

She knelt beside him, slipping the knife away from him as she tried to get to the bottom of what was going through that damaged head of his. "What were you going to do?" She asked, wiping a tear from his cheek.

John made a fist, like he was holding the knife with the intention of stabbing something, jabbing the imaginary blade toward his own chest.

Claire nodded, pulling his shaking body toward herself, feeling his soundless sobs as he cried into her shoulder. "John… Sexy…" She pulled his head back, brushing his tears away with her thumbs on his face. "It's never that bad. I'm here for you." She smiled, kissing his nose as she pulled him to his feet to walk back to the bed. "I couldn't stand it if you died." She laid in the bed with him, looking at the open door. She stood, walking over to the door and closing it. She turned to John, her hands gripping the bottom of her shirt as she pulled it over her head. Standing before him in noting but her bra and the sweatpants she'd stolen from him. "Would it make you feel better if we…"

John gapped at her, looking at every curve of her body as she stood before him. He shook his head, picking up one of his old t-shirts and pulling it over her head. He had to force himself to not take her offer, knowing that she was only offering because he was such a wreck. He took her hands in his, kissing her knuckles as he opened the door again. He pulled her to the bed, letting her lay on top of him as he closed his eyes to try and fall back to sleep. He felt her nails tracing over his scars, knowing that she was pitying him. "D-o-n't." He managed the word, praying that she knew what he meant.

She looked up at his face, pressing a kiss to his jaw as he leaned into her touch. "Don't speak." She whispered. "You'll hurt your voice."

John nodded, holding Claire tighter as he tried to think of a way to tell her what he wanted to say. He opened his notebook, picking up a pen and scribbling down what he wanted her to know. "I'm sorry. I wish I was better."

Claire gave him a puzzled look, handing the book back to him. "Better?" She asked, hoping he could explain.

He scribbled a few more words down handing to book back to her. "You deserve better. I'm broken, and you deserve someone who doesn't scare you as bad as I do."

Claire shook her head, knowing that she had to show him that she was just as broken. She handed the book to him, walking over to her room a few doors down and returning a moment later with her diary. "Read it."

John took the book from her, opening it to the page that had the first entry on it. He read the writing there, reading the story of the day of Thomas and Clarissa's first big fight. He could see the tearstains on the pages, see how her hand had been shaking as she'd written the words. He paused for a moment, reading the line again, praying that he'd read it wrong.

 _I wish I could be taken away from this house. Even if I had to live in the hood with the burners._

John met her gaze, noticing a pale scar on her wrist. He took her hand in his, leaning closer to her wrist in hopes that he was seeing things.

She looked into his eyes, giving a slow nod. "I did it."

John pulled her to him, his fingers clutching at her back. How hadn't he known? He'd been tailing her for years, trying to make sure she stayed away from his group of riffraff and stayed clean and happy. The whole time he'd thought she was a perfect princess without a care in the world, the kind who wanted to live forever; but now he knew… he knew that she hadn't been happy. She'd been so upset with herself and everyone around her, that she'd taken a blade to her own skin to try and numb the emotions.

Claire rubbed his side, knowing that he blamed himself for her actions. "It wasn't your fault." She kissed the hollow behind his ear, laying him against the pillows to try and get him to sleep. "It was my choice." She brushed her fingers through his hair, smiling as he started to nod off after a few moments. "Go to sleep, Sexy." She whispered, kissing his neck as his breathing became slow and deep with sleep. "There." She smiled, curling up to his side as he began to snore. "I love you, Sugar." She yawned, the idea that she'd hit on his pet name making her content as she fell into a deep sleep.


	88. Chapter 88

**Chapter Eighty-Eight**

Dominic chuckled as John and Amelia played a game of paddy cake on the couch, trying to figure the game out as John stumbled along. He jumped as the doorbell rang, standing to go see who was there. He opened the door, his muscles going taught at the sight of his new uncle standing before him. "What the fuck do you want?" He growled, pushing his fear down and letting his anger show.

Asher held his hands out, palms up to show that he meant no harm. "Clarissa called me, she wanted me to try and talk to you boys."

Dominic felt Mary's hand on his back, knowing better than to slam the door in Asher's face like he wanted to. "Stay away from John." He warned, stepping aside to let the man inside of the house.

Asher nodded, reaching a hand out to shake Dominic's. "I heard what you and John have lived through… and I wanted to try to make amends."

Dominic's lip curled, as he started back for the living room without another word. He caught John's eye, giving the signal to be ready for something to go wrong.

John nodded, shrinking back into the cushions as Asher walked into the room. He pulled Amelia close, wedging her between himself and the back of the sofa. He made sure to keep himself between her and his father's long-lost triplet. He curled his lip as the man came closer, holding an arm over Claire as if to protect her from him as well.

Clarissa sat beside John, noticing how on edge he was and reaching out to try and touch him. "Pumpkin…" She smiled as he turned to her, noticing that his eyes had the yellow tinge of fear to them. "I think you should give him a chance."

Asher looked at the group of teens, his fight or flight reflex trying to kick in from the unease of all the teens glares. He met the eyes of Dominic, noticing how he was keeping a close eye on him and trying to stat between him and John. "I guess I should try to explain." He moved to take a seat beside one of the teens, startling when they shot away from him. "What did your parents tell you about me?" He asked, looking to John and Dominic for the answer.

Dominic narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms as he looked at the man. "Nothing. We didn't know you existed until yesterday, when you scared the fucking shit out of us."

Asher nodded, pulling an old yellowed paper from his shirt pocket and handing it to the boys. "This is the last I heard of you boys."

Dominic snatched the paper away from him, making sure John had his eye on him before he began reading. "Asher, I regret to inform you that the children have died. My son, Johnathan died at birth when the cord snapped his neck. Dominic died a few weeks before due to unknown causes, Rueben and Juanita simply woke one morning to a dead child in the crib. We've already held their funerals, so please don't bother to return to the family you left. Sincerely your brother Jacob." Dominic looked up at his uncle, fire in his dark eyes. "You left us?"

Asher dropped his gaze, knowing that he needed to be submissive to the boys in this situation. "I was told it was a hopeless cause to stay, that you would die before you reached a full year of age. And Beverly wasn't carrying right, she told me that her pregnancy felt wrong, and when I came to help out the day before Dominic was born, I was doing laundry and I noticed that she'd been spotting. I thought for sure that she was miscarrying."

Dominic scoffed, throwing the letter at him. "So, you decided to leave us to be beaten and abused." He pulled his shirt off, showing his own scars. "This is what we had to pay for your actions. We paid with blood." He turned to John, watching as his cousin's eyes turned pitch-black with hate. "The least you could have done was stick around to see if we would live."

Asher nodded, remembering Dominic as a frail newborn in the NICU. "I wish I could change what happened to you boys. And if I could take your place I would."

John shook his head, picking up a piece of paper and a pen to scribble a few words down. "No you wouldn't. You're one of them. They don't give a fuck about what we went through."

Asher read the words, remembering how John's voice had blown the night before. "Can you speak?" He asked, wondering what the extent of John's injuries had been.

John shook his head, looking to Claire in hopes that she could explain. "His vocal cords are too strained to use right now, he can't talk for a few weeks." She took his hand, kissing his cheek. "But we're figuring it out."

Asher nodded, handing the book back to John jumping as Dominic's stance became aggressive when he got close to the younger boy. "Your band won the battle." He smiled, looking at the shock on John's face. "I brought over the money and some paperwork for record labels for you to look at." He placed a few envelopes on the coffee table, watching as the little black-haired girl who John had introduced as Allison picked them up.

"Thank you, Sir." She smiled, taking the papers to the next room.

Andy stood, walking after his girlfriend to try and escape the tension of the room. "Keep an eye on John, he's not acting right, and Dominic can only watch one person at a time."

Allison nodded, peeking around the corner at the leaders of the group. "I wish John could talk, it'd make it so much easier."

Andy sighed, taking her hand as they walked back to the group. "To be honest, I'm kinda glad that it's quiet for a while." He chuckled kissing her cheek. "He makes the most noise out of all of us."

"Only because you two are always getting at each other." She giggled. "I mean it's like a couple of moneys trying to get a rise out of each other."

Andy shook his head, jumping as John twitched. "Stay here." He rushed to John's side, making sure his friend was okay. "Seizure?" He asked, pausing as John went still for a moment.

John waited for a few minutes, before answering, heaving a sigh as he realized his body had only been faking him out. He jumped as Asher moved, shielding Amelia with his body.

Asher froze, noticing John's reaction. "John, just because I look like your father, doesn't mean I act like him." He looked between the boys, trying to show he was telling the truth. "I'd never thrown a punch until yesterday, and I only did that because I was pissed at my brother. But believe me, I would never hurt you two." He took a breath, shaking his head as he spoke the next sentence. "It sickens me to think what they did to you boys."

John felt Claire at his back, looking over his shoulder to see her soft eyes. "Give him a chance." She smiled, kissing his lips to try and ease his stress. "I think he really wants to try."

John looked between her and Asher, turning his eyes up to Dominic with a short nod that told him that Asher was on trial.

Dominic nodded, speaking to the group. "He's on trial."

Asher smiled, happy that the boys had decided to at least give him a chance. "Thank you."

Dominic curled his lip, glaring at him. "It wasn't my choice. If it was up to me, you'd be hanging from the tree out back by your neck."

Asher pressed a hand to his throat, swallowing at the threat as something told him it wasn't empty.


	89. Chapter 89

**Chapter Eighty-Nine**

Claire smiled as John slowly eased into the pool in the backyard, swimming over to him as he sat on the steps. "You're gonna swim today?" She grinned as he nodded, taking his hands in hers as she pushed off of the steps and they floated into the deeper part of the pool. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her head against his as they treaded water. "I think Asher's a good guy, you just have to give him a chance."

John smiled, pulling her closer as thunder cracked overhead.

She laughed, looking up as rain started to fall on them. "It's raining!" She kissed John's lips, tipping them both underwater as lightning flashed overhead. She pushed her fingers into John's hair, feeling how the soft locks fanned out in the water like a merman's.

John kicked, pushing them deeper in the pool until Claire's back was against the bottom. He pulled away from her, holding his breath as he looked at her. He smiled, taking her hand as he pushed off of the bottom and propelled them both to the surface.

Claire giggled, watching as John climbed to the top of the rock tower beside the pool. "What are you doing?"

He smirked, jumping off of the tower and diving into the water. He curved his body as he hit the water, letting himself surface beside her.

Claire rolled her eyes, adjusting her bikini top from the waves he'd made. "Show off."

John stuck his tongue out at her, wrinkling his nose to show what he wanted to say.

"John! Claire! Come inside, I don't want you in the pool with the lightning." Clarissa called out the back door, shaking her head at the heartbroken looks they gave her. "None of that, now. I don't want you getting electrocuted if the lightning hits the pool." She grabbed a couple towels from the bin on the deck, wrapping them around the teens as they came inside. "John, go find some blankets and I'll get the electric one heating up."

John nodded, already fighting off shivers from being cold. He pulled a few blankets from the basket beside the TV running upstairs to get into some dry clothes so he didn't soak the couch. He stopped when he saw Asher beside his room speaking to Thomas, listening to the conversation.

"Asher, I know that you're the boy's only living family member in the U.S. and there for, have the legal right to take them to your home. But we would really like to keep them until they graduate." Thomas looked up at the taller man. "John and Dominic have become like the glue to this family, and I don't think we could stand it if someone were to take them from us."

Asher smiled, patting Thomas's shoulder. "Don't worry, I don't think those kids would willingly leave with me." He chuckled, nodding toward John at his back. "Besides, I think they've got it better here than they would at my place. There's a hell of a lot more to do here."

John stepped forward, pushing past the men to get to his room as his shivers became worse.

Asher shook his head, looking at how thin John was in his soaked swim trunks. "And you probably have the right foods to get fat on that bag of bones."

Thomas smiled, as John shut his door. "We're trying. He just can't keep most of it down yet." He looked up at Asher, remembering how healthy John had been a few months before. "That meth he was drugged with did a number on him."

Asher nodded, starting down the stairs with Thomas as they let the boy get dressed. "I know of a treatment that might help him." He handed Thomas a card. "It's called acupuncture therapy, I go every week to help with aches and pains, but I heard it helps with addictions too. Thought John might be able to give it a shot."

Thomas read the card over, taking another little paper from Asher to read more about it. "Little needles and pressure points, huh?"

Asher smiled, watching as Thomas carefully read the paper. "Yep, it helps balance everything out. I think it'd really help him."

Thomas nodded, handing the papers to his wife. "We'll talk to John about it, see what he thinks." He looked up as John came down the stairs, launching himself into the blankets as Clarissa wrapped the heating blanket around him. "We'll let him get warmed up first though." He chuckled as Mary placed a cup of steaming coffee in his hands and Jan turned on the TV for him. "I swear that kid is spoiled rotten."

Asher laughed, noticing John's eyes widen as looney tunes came on. "Well, it took him long enough to become that way." He sighed at the guilt of what he'd done. "I just wish I could have taken him when I had the chance."

"I think he'll come around. He just needs time." He remembered how long it'd taken John to get used to him. "It took weeks for John to warm up to me -and I stayed in the hospital with him while he was healing up from his punctured lung."

Asher smiled, the resemblance to John showing in his face. "Well, it might take a little longer with me, seeing as how I'm an identical triplet."

Thomas chuckled, thinking about how odd it would be to have two more of himself running around. "I'll bet you they'll warm up sooner than you think. Those boys see actions more than appearances most of the time." He shook his head as he saw the group of teens looking in the fridge and grabbing all sorts of foods from inside. "Eat all you want, but no more Bender Bullion. That stunk the whole house up last time."

Dominic laughed tossing an apple at Thomas's head. "You got it Dad."

Asher looked at Thomas, knowing now that the boys had fully accepted him. "They call you 'dad?'"

Thomas nodded, taking a bite of the apple. "They call Clarissa mom too."

"You're a real family, aren't you?"

"Unconventional family, but yes." Thomas looked down at the apple, noticing that the fruit was died blue on the inside. "Alright? Who injected food coloring in this?"

They all pointed to Kaylie, making the teen smirk. "I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

Thomas rolled his eyes, noticing the blue on her fingers. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

Kaylie shrugged, taking a pie out of the fridge and placing it on the counter. "You'll find something." She cut a slice from the pie, warming it up in the microwave before taking it out to John. "Maybe he'll eat this."


	90. Chapter 90

**Chapter Ninety**

Clarissa read over the papers that Thomas had given her, wondering if acupuncture would really help John with his recovery. "Do you think he'd agree to go?" She asked, taking her reading glasses off as she looked at her husband.

Thomas pulled his pajama shirt on, crawling into bed and picking up his book from the bedside table. "I think he'd at least to give it a shot. He's always looking for ways to help his recovery, I noticed he was actually praying the other day when I walked by his room."

Clarissa raised her eyebrows, shock clear on her face. "John was praying? Our John?"

Thomas nodded, laying a hand over his wife's. "I didn't believe it either." He chuckled, shaking his head at the thought. "I never thought I'd see the day that John Bender would actually be down on his knees praying for help."

Clarissa smiled, kissing her husband on the neck. "I'm so glad Claire found him."

John looked up at the building, swallowing at the thought of the new treatment. He held Claire's hand as they walked inside, happy that most of the family had stayed home. He looked into Claire's eyes, letting her choose a seat in the waiting room first.

Claire leaned over, kissing his ear to try and calm him. She felt the earring in his piercing, the metal cuff just above it. "It'll help." She whispered, looking over at her parents as they filled out the paperwork for John to go through the treatments. She watched as her mother wrote the word addictions under what they were hoping to treat, her heart aching with the memory of John's thrashing body as he'd been loaded into the ambulance.

He nodded, his head snapping up as his name was called.

"Johnathan?" The woman smiled as John and the Standish's stood, waving them back to a small room with pillows and a small blanket in it. "If you'll lay down on the table, and remove your shirt?" She picked up a disinfectant wipe, noticing the tension in John's muscles as he laid face-down on the little massage table. "Alright, so what we're going to do, is I'll wipe your back down and place a few small needles in the pressure points in your back." She ran a finger down John's spine and over the back of his ribs, pushing on the pressure points to try and loosen him up. "Then I'll let you be alone with your family for about an hour with the needles in, and let you go into what we call 'Zero Sleep.'" She gave John a short massage, running her thumbs up and down either side of his spine, smiling as some of the tension left his muscles. "Then we'll take them out and let you go on your way."

John nodded, feeling her run the disinfectant wipe over his skin. He reached for Claire, holding her hand tight as he heard the packaging for the needles open. He closed his eyes as Claire ran her fingers through his hair, barely feeling the first needle go into his skin.

Claire watched as the needles were placed along John's spine, noticing that with each one there was a change in John. He seemed to become more docile, his body relaxing as he seemed to be falling into the Zero Sleep already. She smiled as John's breathing became deep and steady, knowing that the treatment was starting to work.

The therapist smiled, placing the last needle right above John's hips. She rubbed little circles on his hip bones, feeling the last of the tension leave his body as he hit the Zero Sleep. "Alright, I'll let you all sit with him. He can still hear everything and he's still awake but his body will act like he's asleep. He might twitch from time to time, but it's only the toxins in his body balancing out."

Clarissa nodded, settling back into her plush chair to read the book she'd brought. "Thank you." She smiled, looking up as John's legs twitched.

The woman waved as she ducked out of the room, letting them relax as John finished his treatment.

Claire smiled as she watched John's treatment run its course, leaning her head against the massage table as she began to relax with him. She listened to his breathing, taking comfort in how calm he was. She closed her eyes, listening to the soothing music floating through the room until she fell into her own Zero Sleep.


	91. Chapter 91

**Chapter Ninety-One**

John slowly opened his eyes as the therapist began taking the needles out, listening as she opened a bottle of lotion and rubbed it over his skin. He rubbed his eyes, looking at his family as the Zero Sleep began to fade. He smiled as the woman rubbed his back, feeling her fingers press on the sore muscles he hadn't realized where there.

Claire yawned, running her fingers through John's hair as she watched the pleasure of what was happening wash over him. She kissed his head, happy that he was feeling better with the new treatment. "How was it?" She asked, handing him a paper to let him tell her.

He slowly wrote a few words, still waking from his relaxed state. "It was good." He gave a tired smile as Clarissa handed him his shirt, slowly pulling it on as he sat up. He looked up at the therapist, taking the paper from Claire and writing a thank you on it. "Thank you very much."

She smiled, handing John a little tea bag. "This should help you as well. Just drink it before you go to bed."

John nodded, giving Claire a peck on the lips as he stood.

Claire rubbed his arm, feeling the ropes of scar tissue on his skin. "I'm glad you like it."

He pulled her closer, running his fingers over her hips.

* * *

Amelia ran over to John as he walked through the door, throwing her arms around his hips. "Did it hurt?" She asked, looking up at him as he yawned and shook his head.

Claire smiled, cocking an ear as she heard Asher's voice in the kitchen. "He barely felt it." She led John to the kitchen, letting him sit at the counter as she looked for something for him to eat. "Are you hungry?" She asked, looking up at him as she poured a glass of milk for him.

He shrugged, still not feeling like he was as hungry as he should have been.

Asher placed something on the counter, opening it to let the scent of fresh-baked cookies float through the kitchen. "How about some cookies?" He chuckled, watching as John grabbed one of the chocolate chip ones and dunked it in his milk.

Ryan shook his head, happy to see that John was eating. "Don't eat too many. I don't want you getting too much sugar."

John nodded, slowing down as he devoured the cookie so he could savor it.

Asher looked up at the doctor, wondering why John couldn't have a lot of sugar. "Is he diabetic?"

Ryan shook his head, pushing a plate of mac and cheese toward the boy. "He's borderline." He led Asher away for a moment, hoping to find out any other health issues that might run in the family. "Are there any health issues in the family that John and Dominic might not know of?"

Asher nodded, remembering his father's battle with cancer. "My father died from brain cancer a few years ago, and I'm sure the boys told you about the hypoglycemia if you've tested them for diabetes." He tried to remember anything that the boys could have on their mothers' sides. "I can't remember much from their moms' sides, but I know that addiction runs on both sides." He remembered his brush with alcohol after he'd gotten the fake letter about his nephews dying. "I had my own struggle with it after Jacob told me they were dead." He fished a wooden chip out of his pocket, showing it to the doctor. "Been sober for ten years."

Ryan smiled, hope flickering in his chest for the boys' sobriety. "If you can do it, I'll bet those two can too."

Asher jumped as a ruckus rose in the kitchen, looking into the room to see John was trying to get out of the headlock Andy had him in. "Is this a normal occurrence?" He asked, motioning to the boys.

Ryan nodded. "More normal than it should be." He raised his voice, shouting at Andy to dial it back. "Andrew! Let John relax for a while, we're not sure how that acupuncture works yet."

Andy let John go, patting his back as the older teen smirked and tried to not laugh. "Yes, Sir."


	92. Chapter 92

**Chapter Ninety-Two**

John pulled his shirt over his head, letting Ryan examine him to see if he was healing correctly. He lifted his arms as Ryan touched his side, letting him run his fingers over the new incision. He let the doctor push on his ribcage, happy that his pain wasn't as bad as it had been a few days ago.

Ryan smiled, moving to touch John's throat to see if his voice was any better. "May I?"

John nodded, taking his hands and guiding them to his throat.

"Alright, hum for me."

John tried to hum, the sound barely audible as his vocal cords flexed. He closed his eyes at the pain that he felt, stopping short of a full note.

Ryan sighed, handing John a cup of tea. "We'll give it a couple days and try again."

John nodded, sipping on his tea and letting the heat numb his throat.

Clarissa watched as John snuggled up to her daughter, smiling at the look of contentment on his face. She jumped as a particularly loud crack of thunder sounded over the house, noticing that it seemed to put the Breakfast Club on edge as they all looked to John to see what he thought.

He listened to the storm outside, giving a thumbs up to show he thought it was safe.

Claire yawned, looking out at the rain hitting the windows as the moon rose higher in the night sky. "I'm about ready for bed."

John nodded, sitting up slightly so that Claire could rest on him more. He smiled as she laid her head on his lap, combing his fingers through her hair and weaving a clumsy braid into the red fire. Claire moaned in pleasure, drawing little circles on his thigh as he played with her hair. "I love this." She smiled, opening her eyes as one of the others turned on the TV and tuned it to Gilligan's Island.

Dominic smirked, watching how John fumbled with the braid. "John, like this." He took Claire's hair in his fingers, carefully showing John how to do it. "Over the middle, alternating sides."

John took her hair back, redoing the braid with careful fingers.

"Tighter." Claire sighed, feeling John pull a little more on her hair. "That's better."

Clarissa watched the pair, feeling Thomas's hand on her knee as he continued to read his newspaper.

Brian smiled as Kaylie handed him some hot chocolate, taking a sip as she settled onto the sofa beside him. He chuckled at the whip cream on her lips, jumping as she noticed him looking.

"What?" She asked, hoping that he would take the hint that she wanted him to kiss her.

"You, uh, you've got whipped cream on your lips." He stuttered, touching his own lips as she looked at him.

She rolled her eyes, leaning closer to him. "I know dummy. I thought maybe you'd like a taste."

Brian flushed bright red, cautiously leaning over to kiss her. He jumped as she nipped at his lips, realizing for the first time just how much more the burner knew than him. He let her slip her tongue into his mouth, unsure of what to do.

Kaylie pulled back, knowing that Brian was over thinking it. "Just do what feels right." She smiled, leaning back into the kiss.

Brian let her stick her tongue in his mouth again, carefully placing his hands on either side of her hips as she pressed closer to him.

Sam rested back against the pillows at Mary's feet, enjoying being close to the woman he'd chosen to be his mother.

Mary looked at the boy's long hair, noticing how he hadn't brushed it for a while. "Samson, when was the last time you brushed your hair?"

He shrugged, pulling the brown locks into a ponytail to try and hide the rat's nest. "I don't know."

Mary shook her head, looking around at all the kids in the room. "I think it's about time for haircuts."

The boys all turned to her, something like fear in their eyes. "No fucking way." Dominic stated, pulling on his own shoulder length hair. "Not happening."

Jan rolled her eyes. "Go put a dollar in the jar." She ordered, noticing that even John was starting to look a little shaggy. "And we're taking you all to the barber tomorrow."

Jim curled his lip, trying to hide it by looking down at Allison's comic she'd been working on for a while. "She needs more snakes in her hair." He pointed to the character's hair, tapping on her eyes as well. "And I think that if you gave her slit pupils she'd look more evil."

Allison nodded, making a couple corrections and showing him her work. "Like that?"

He nodded, touching the light streak in the hero's hair. "But I think that if he has dark hair it should all be that way." He looked up at John, taking in the dark grey in his hairline. "John doesn't like to remember it."

Allison colored the light streak in, noticing that she'd accidentally made John's character too thin. "I'll make him a little more filled out too."

Jim smiled, showing her the little quotes, he'd heard John and the other burner's say over the years. "Here's all the shit these losers have said over the years."

Dana cleared her throat, holding up two fingers as he turned to look at her. "That's fifty cents in the jar mister."

Jim rolled his eyes, digging in his pocket and pulling out a couple quarters. "Here." He dropped them into the jar on the coffee table.

Andy chuckled as he watched the artists, wishing that he could find his hidden talent. He let Jessop crawl up to him, happy that the younger Vernon sibling seemed to be enjoying the quiet family time. "What's up kid?"

Jessop shrugged, yawning as the grandfather clock struck ten o'clock. "I'm tired."

Andy nodded, remembering that he had tryouts tomorrow. "I better go to bed too. I've got tryouts in the morning."

Kathrine nodded, noticing that John had dosed off and his head was rested on the back of the couch. "I think we should get Johnny to bed too." She let Andy up, watching as Clarissa took John's arm and started to lead him upstairs. "See you boys in the morning." She called, smiling as Claire got up and started after John. "Those two are inseparable, aren't they?"

Thomas nodded, happy to see that John seemed to be doing better since his treatment that morning. "She grounds him."

Vernon chuckled, thinking about how agitated they'd both been when they'd first met. "And he lets her fly."


	93. Chapter 93

**Chapter Ninety-Three**

John rolled over in his sleep, wrapping his arms tightly around the girl at his side. He smiled at his dream, the image of him in a black tux and Claire in the most beautiful wedding dress standing at the alter in the middle of the woods. His dream self smiled as he said the words "I do." He leaned down, pressing the sealing kiss to her lips, sealing their vows.

Claire sighed as the heat of John's body warmed her under the blankets of his bed, breathing his scent as she slowly woke. The early rays of morning sun filtered through his window, landing on John's cheek and showing the warm caramel tones in his skin. She noticed that he seemed to be getting his normal tan back, the dullness left from the withdrawals of the meth and other drugs in his system seemed to have given way to a healthier glow. She smiled, running her fingers over his beard, curling a few of the hairs around her finger and gently pulling them straight to see how long he'd been able to grow it. She giggled as John made a face in his sleep, his nose wrinkling as he turned his face to the pillow. "John…" She whispered, knowing now that it was best to wake him as gently as possible to avoid scaring him. "Sugar… time to get up."

John shook his head, burying his face in her chest as he hugged her even closer.

Claire rolled her eyes, rubbing her fingers through his hair as she tried to coax him from his slumber. "Come on Sugar, we've gotta get up."

John sighed, lifting his head to look at her. He placed his hand on her cheek, running the pad of his thumb under her eye, feeling the long lashes on his finger tip. He smiled, kissing her rosy lips as the sunlight hit them.

Claire wrapped her hand around the back of his head, her fingers touching the nape of his neck. She pushed herself closer to him, gasping as he flipped on top of her his weight resting on her as his arms supported some of his mass while he let his hips rest on hers. She moaned as his mouth found hers letting him show her what he couldn't say. She could feel his manhood becoming hard under his sweatpants and boxers, knowing what his body wanted and that he was fighting his instincts to love her the way he wanted to. "John…" She breathed, feeling him start to move against her. "Not yet."

He nodded, pushing himself back on his knees before crawling out of the bed. He pulled a t-shirt and flannel from his dresser, tugging them on before grabbing a pair of the new jeans that Clarissa had bought him. He pulled them on, buttoning them over his hips and zipping the fly closed as Claire gave a little whistle at how his butt looked in the new Levi's. He smirked, turning around to look at her as she waggled her eyebrows at him.

She giggled, walking over to him and slipping her hands into his back pockets as he wrapped his hands around her waist. "You've got a nice ass." She squeezed his butt, emphasizing her point with her nails.

He dropped his hands a little, resting them over her rear just before Thomas knocked on his doorframe.

Thomas raised his brow at John, pointing to his daughter. "Claire, get dressed. John, watch the hands."

John nodded, letting Claire go to her room to dress.

* * *

Claire squeezed John's hand as they walked up to the school, noticing that he wasn't as tense as he normally would be at school. "Do you think the-"

He nudged her, making it clear he didn't want people to know of the acupuncture.

Dominic walked them inside, watching as they turned to go to their lockers and he went to his. He paused when he saw Jessica's cousin Jade waiting for him there, setting his Bender Glare in place as he walked up to get his stuff.

Jade looked up at the tall boy, noticing that he hadn't shaved for a couple days. "Are you growing your beard out?" She asked, remembering how nice his cousin looked with his.

Dominic shrugged, popping his locker open and placing his coat inside before he grabbed a textbook for his Spanish class. "I just didn't feel like shaving." He slammed his locker shut, starting off for his class in hopes of getting away from the girl.

Jade ran after him, her fingers brushing against his shoulder. "Wait." She jumped as he turned on her, forcing herself to look him in the eye. "I know that you don't like Jess very much-"

"Like her isn't even on the scale. It's more of a hate and murder with my baseball bat scale." He growled, looking the girl in the eye.

Jade nodded, knowing what a pain Jessica could be. "I just want you to know that I would never be as nuts as she is. My aunt Katelyn actually sent her to a mental hospital when she was ten for being a little boy crazy…" She looked up at the young man before her. "I'm sorry if she embarrassed you with what she said the other day."

He cocked a brow, leaning on the locker beside him. "What? About me being a good lover?" He chuckled as she nodded, shaking his head with the fuzzy memory. "I was drunk off my ass and I had a few joints in me, so I don't remember a whole hell of a lot about that other than taking her virginity."

Jade nodded, remembering how Jessica had bragged to her about it. "She's kind of a slut."

Dominic tilted his head, faking offense at her words. "Does that make me a man-whore?"

Jade covered her mouth, kicking herself for offending the boy she had a crush on. "I'm so sorry- I didn't mean anything bad about you… it's just Jessica hasn't ever been the most moral and she's, she's a little nuts."

Dominic laughed, starting to see that Jade wasn't crazy like Medusa was. "I'm fucking with you." He smiled, patting her on the shoulder. "I think she might have just slept with me because I look like John." He looked up as a ruckus rose over by John and Claire's lockers. "Excuse me."


	94. Chapter 94

**Chapter Ninety-Four**

John pushed Claire behind him, setting his pitch-black eyes on Toby as the jock circled them.

Toby laughed, noticing that John wasn't being as vocal as he normally was. "What happened meth-head? Your kidnappers cut that pretty voice out?" He reached for John's neck, jumping back as the smaller teen lunged at him. "You high on something right now?" He asked, shaking his fear of the burner off and shoving him into the lockers at his back. He smirked at the look of pain he saw flash on John's face. "Maybe more meth?"

John glared at him, pushing himself off of the blue metal doors and lunging for the blond. Claire tried to grab John's shoulders and pull him off of Toby, yelping as Kaylie grabbed her and pulled her away from the fight. "John's got this. He needs to prove to himself that he's still able to protect us." Kaylie smiled as John twisted out of Toby's hold, recognizing the move from the night John had rescued her from the man who'd tried to rape her, knowing what would come next.

John pivoted, letting his fist fly in a wide arc into Toby's ribs. He swung his leg behind the jock's hips, pushing the heel of his beaten-up boot into his groin as he forced him to the tile. He grabbed Toby's ankles, yanking his tennis shoes off before letting his hand go to the pocket he used to keep his switchblade in. He cursed himself internally as he remembered he no longer carried a blade.

Toby screamed as John's leg kept his head held in place, trying to scratch at the burner's limbs to get him off. "Get off me!" He felt John shift, wondering what the addict was doing on his back. "Get off me you fag!"

John swung his arm at the jock's head, connecting with a hard smack.

Dominic's hands gripped John's shoulders, pulling his cousin from the blockhead's back and stopping the fight. "John. It's not worth it." He pushed John behind him as Toby got up, recognizing the fight was still in him. "Listen man, I don't wanna get into this with you."

"You chicken?" Toby asked, wiping a little blood from his lip where he'd bitten it.

John pushed passed his cousin, shoving the jock against the locker and punching him in the nose with a crunch before anyone could stop him. He curled his lip at the blond as he gaged on the blood running into the back of his throat, working up a wad of spit and letting it fly onto the teen.

Claire backed away from John slightly, ashamed at the fear that she felt after seeing him fight so hard for her. She'd seen him fight in school before, knowing that was one of the reasons he was always in detention in Shermer, but this wasn't the same kind of fight. He'd been out for blood, as if he'd not only wanted to protect Claire, but like he'd been fighting someone else who wasn't Toby entirely. She watched as John's chest heaved, noticing that his nose was bleeding as his blood dripped onto the white tile on the floor to mix with Toby's. She squeezed Allison's hand as she offered it, trying to hide her fear from John so she didn't lose his trust. "Have you ever seen him fight like that before?"

Allison shook her head, looking at Kaylie as the blonde nodded. "You have?"

The exburner nodded again, remembering the bloody pulp that had been left of her attempted rapist. "The last time I think the guy died though. He didn't just get a busted nose out of it. John went easy today." She looked at Claire the image of Toby grabbing her breasts still fresh in her mind. "You're okay right?"

Claire grabbed something from her locker, holding her hand up to stop John from touching her. "I'm fine." She stated, grabbing her math book as she hurried off to her class.


	95. Chapter 95

**Chapter Ninety-Five**

John watched as Claire hurried away from him, wondering if he'd taken it too far. He jumped as Toby grabbed his ankle, pushing him against the lockers with his boot.

"You broke my nose you prick!" Toby shouted, pushing John over and letting him fall into the blood on the floor. "You're gonna pay for that!"

John slipped on the slick floor as he tried to get up, he kicked out as someone grabbed his wrists, a broken cry escaping him.

Dominic pushed through the crowd, Cody, Sam, and Jim on his heals. "Hey!" He caught the jocks attention away from his cousin, looking the group over. "Four to one isn't exactly a fair fight. Besides, he's still fucked up from Medusa drugging him last week. How about you pick on someone you can get a real fight out of?" He squared his shoulders, lifting his fists to protect his face. "Unless you're chicken."

The big Mexican kid who was holding John's wrists stood, rolling his shoulders as he stared Dominic down. "Half-breed." He spat, knowing that Dominic was only half Mexican. "Have you ever fought a real Mexican? Or just little mutts like you?"

Dominic growled, faking toward the kid. "No. But I've fought my share of black gangsters. And I'd say they can pack twice the punch you've got."

"Mestizo." He snapped, knowing that Dominic and John both spoke fluent Spanish.

Dominic snarled, looking the jock over. "All talk and no bite. Just like a worthless fighting dog." Dominic remembered seeing the dog fights when his dad would drag him to the betting pits. "You ever see what happens to those dogs?"

The jock shook his head, doubting that the burner had ever seen a dog fight in his life. "What happens to them?"

John shuddered at the memory of the gun going off and the dog dropping dead in the pit.

Dominic formed a gun with his hand, pointing it at the jock's head. "They get their brains blown out because they're worthless. The owner and betters can't get any cash out of them, so they're branded as a waste of space, and they get put down in the pit." He inched closer to the jock. "The blood soaks into the dirt, turning it black and the next thing you know… the dog's carcass is being torn apart by the real fighters -the ones that bring a profit."

The kid swallowed, backing down slightly at the description the burner had given him. "You're fucked up."

Dominic shrugged, knowing that he'd won without a single punch. "You tend to be a little fucked up when you've lived the life we have."

John nodded, standing taller when he saw Principal Anderson walking toward them. He knew that he'd get detention this time, but he wasn't scared of a little detention. After all, it couldn't be worse than the time that Vernon had cornered him in the supply closet and tried to get him into a fight.

"What happened here?" The Principal asked, taking in the blood on the floor and how it stained John and Toby's clothes as well as ran down their faces, and the bruises around Toby's eyes that showed his nose was broken.

Toby pointed at John, motioning to his busted nose as he spoke. "I was just trying to get my locker open and he punched me in the nose for no reason!"

John glared at him, his dark eyes like icy daggers drilling into the blond.

Principal Anderson nodded, motioning for John to follow him to his office and for Toby to take a trip to the nurse's office. "Johnathan, please come with me. Tobias, go see Miss Brown."

Toby nodded, taking off toward the nurse's office as John was taken to the Principal's.


	96. Chapter 96

**Chapter Ninety-Six**

John took a tissue from Principal Anderson, wiping the blood from his mustache and the hairs on his chin. He tried to clean himself up as best he could, ashamed of what he'd done. He picked up a pen, scribbling a few words down on a paper, in his best handwriting. "I'm sorry, Sir. I was only trying to protect my girlfriend. See, he touched her breasts while I was grabbing something from my locker and not paying attention to her. It reminded me of something in my past, and I lost control. I'd be happy to spend time in detention if you choose to give it to me. Just please don't tell Clarissa and Thomas what I did. I don't want them to be ashamed of me."

Principal Anderson sighed, looking up at John as he handed him a doctor's note. "You lost your voice?"

John nodded, writing a few more words down. "It blew out on me in the middle of my last song on Friday." He touched his throat, trying to convey exactly how bad it was. "Ryan told me not to speak for a couple weeks."

He shook his head, folding his hands on his desk. "John, we have to tell your guardians what you did. I believe that you weren't the instigator, but Toby's nose being broken makes us have to fill out a lot of paperwork and go through a lot of hoops to make sure everything works out… So, we will have to have Clarissa or Thomas come down today to help us work it all out."

John nodded, dropping his gaze as he thought about how disappointed Claire's parents would be. He took the paper back from the Principal, writing a couple more words. "Yes, Sir."

* * *

Clarissa stormed into the school, her heals clicking an angry rhythm on the tiles as she walked to the Principals office. "Johnathan Kurtis Bender." She looked down at her charge, noticing how he bowed his head even lower. "What is this I hear about you breaking someone's nose?"

John lifted his dark eyes to look at her, his lashes moist from the tears he was holding back. He rubbed his fingers around his wrist, turning the skin red from the friction.

"Johnathan, tell me what happened." She slapped a notebook into his lap, handing him a pen from her purse. "And if I need too, I will pull Claire and your cousin from their classes to learn exactly what happened."

John nodded, writing the story down with shaking hands. "I was grabbing my Spanish book from my locker, and Toby grabbed Claire's boobs while I wasn't looking. She screamed and slapped him away but he kept trying to make advances on her… so I hit him. He pushed me against the lockers and when I got out of his hold, I punched his nose. I didn't mean to break it. But I guess I was running on adrenaline and got carried away." He looked up at her before writing the last part. "I'm sorry Mom… I'll do anything to make it up to you."

Clarissa took the notes from him, reading over what he said had happened. "John… what the hell am I supposed to do with you?" She shook her head, looking at Principal Anderson who'd sat quietly through the whole exchange. "I am so sorry for this."

Principal Anderson nodded, looking at John's bowed head. "I've given him and Toby detention for this Saturday… but I think Johnathan needs to see a therapist." He held his hand up as John looked at him. "Or go to some anger management classes. With his history… this could not only become an issue that bullies would target… but it could get him expelled if the parents decide to raise a fuss over it."

Clarissa looked down at John, knowing that he'd been fighting her on therapy since she'd first brought it up to him a few days after his relapse at the prom. "John." She raised a brow as he looked up at her, knowing that he would fight her on this if he had his voice. "It's up to you. Therapy? Or anger management?" She handed him the notebook, happy to see that he'd written down he wanted to go to therapy. "I'll start looking into counselors this afternoon."

John bowed his head again, knowing that he'd be labeled as a nut if anyone found out.

Principal Anderson sighed, looking at John as shame washed over him like the waves of the ocean. "I'm afraid he's been suspended for the day as well."

Clarissa nodded, pinching John's ear as she pulled him to his feet. "Let's go home. I've got a lot of things for you to do."

John rolled his eyes, pretending that his hand was a bottle of alcohol and acting like he was chugging it.

"Johnathan Kurtis Bender." She warned, tapping him on the small of his back with the back of her hand. "That is enough."


	97. Chapter 97

**Chapter Ninety-Seven**

John scrubbed the mirror in the bathroom that he shared with most of the other teens in the house, making sure it sparkled before he moved on to the next thing Clarissa wanted him to clean. He blew a long breath out as he looked at the toilet, knowing that the guys wouldn't have made this easy for him. He picked up the bleach bottle pouring a little of it into the toilet bowl and picking up the brush. He flipped the seat up, setting to work on the white bowl.

Clarissa smiled as she listened to John whistle while he worked, happy that he couldn't curse and complain like she knew he wanted to. "How's it coming?" She asked as she leaned on the bathroom doorframe, noticing that John had taken his shirt off as he cleaned.

John made a thumbs up sign, scrubbing a little harder at the yellow spots around the lip of the toilet bowl.

She furrowed her brow at the new objects in the room, walking inside to look at all of the mason jars screwed onto boards mounted on the walls with the toothbrushes inside of them and names written on little stickers on the outside. "Did you do this?" She asked, running her fingers over the pictures he'd taped to the mirror of the family and the few teen couples in the house.

He nodded, flushing the bleach water down the toilet as he moved on to the shower.

She shook her head, noticing that he'd put he and Claire's toothbrushes in the same jar. "Claire called at lunch time… she was pretty shaken up over your little display today."

John stopped for a moment, before he turned the water on and sprayed the tile down on the walls of the shower.

Clarissa noticed the tension in John's muscles, wondering if he needed his acupuncture therapy more than once a week. "She said you scared her. She's never seen you fight like that."

John turned the water off, turning to look at her. He grabbed the notebook he'd been keeping close to his side, jotting down what he needed to say. "I forgot who I was fighting."

Clarissa read the words, looking up at the young man before her. "Who were you fighting?"

He wrote his answer, motioning to a set of scars she hadn't seen before, the word Bender burned into his side. "My old man."

Clarissa nodded, knowing that seeing Asher had changed John somehow. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head, not wanting to remember his past. He could already feel the searing of his skin just from the little memory of his name being branded on his skin. "N-o." He risked the strain on his voice this time, jumping away as she playfully smacked his side.

"Johnathan Bender. You're not supposed to talk." She chuckled, happy that the sounds needed to form words were coming easier. "Do you want to ruin your voice and be a mute for the rest of your life? Have your children never know what you sound like?"

He shook his head, thinking again about what he and Claire's kids would look like. He took the notebook back, writing the words. "What do you think they'll look like?" He asked, wondering if they'd have Claire's curled fiery hair or if they'd have his boring straight brown.

Clarissa smiled, taking a seat on the bathroom counter to rest her feet from wearing heals all day. "I think… that they'll have your skin and the boys will be seen as tall dark and handsome… and the girls will be labeled as tanned Marylin Monroe kids."

John breathed as if he was trying to laugh, his mouth forming his lopsided smile as he shook his head. He reached out, tugging on a lock of Clarissa's auburn hair as if asking about the hair color.

She looked at John, thinking of the picture of he and Dominic as babies. She remembered the letter that Beverly had sent her, telling of John's birth and his early childhood, how he'd been blue at birth. "I think, that they would have your hair type, but I think they'd have Claire's coloring."

John touched his nose, knowing that he'd gotten it from his father.

She tapped the tip with her finger, turning John so that he was looking in the mirror. "I think that they'd look like miniatures of you with Claire's hair and maybe her nose."

John tilted his head, trying to see himself as a child with Claire's hair and nose. He picked up the pen, scribbling a few words. "I don't remember myself as a kid."

She looked at him, shocked that he'd never seen himself in a school photo. "Didn't you get the school photo books they let parents buy?" She watched as he shook his head, remembering just how cruel his parents had been. "Of course not." She stood, walking to she and Thomas's room at the end of the hallway. She knelt beside the trunk at the foot of her bed, pulling a couple of baby blankets from the top along with a few other family heirlooms. She smiled as she pulled a small book from the bottom of the trunk, sitting on her bed as John watched her from the doorway. "Come here." She patted the bed beside her, flipping through a few pages of the book until she landed on the first-grade class photo of Miss Miller's class. "Now… if I remember correctly… Claire said you were the annoying boy who was always getting in fights and knocking people's teeth out. And you were standing right behind her… in the too big Led Zeppelin t-shirt and your hair wasn't brushed and you were missing your two front teeth." She pointed to the little ragamuffin behind her perfectly groomed daughter.

John smiled at the picture, looking at how ratty his hair was and how he looked like he hadn't had a bath in days. He looked at his missing front teeth remembering how he'd lost them. He wrote a few words down on his notebook, showing her the story or how he'd lost his teeth. "You know, I lost those in a fight at recess with Sam. We were madder than a couple of hornets in a Coke can."

She laughed, looking at John's teeth. "What were you fighting over?"

John shrugged, showing her the new note. "Heck if I know. I think he had M&M's with his lunch or something."

"Did you at least get them?"

John nodded writing the next words down. "Yep! I beat him up and stole his whole lunch pail and ate it all under the monkey bars."

"You were steeling food that early on?" She asked, shocked at the new peek into John's old life.

He turned the page in the photo book, smiling at the photo of Claire with her freshly combed hair. He remembered the first time he'd seen her, how her hair had been curled into ringlets and the blue dress she'd had on fanned out around her little hips. He remembered looking down at his own clothes, seeing his toes poking out of the holes in his too-small shoes, and his knobby knees showing through the holes in his jeans that Dominic had given him. He wrote a few words down, showing them to Clarissa as he smiled at the memory. "I had a crush on her from the first day of first-grade. But I don't think she knew I existed until freshman year."

Clarissa pulled him close, patting his shoulder as she turned the page to the picture of him. "I think she did." She pointed to the little hearts drawn around John's portrait, smiling at the look of shock on his face.


	98. Chapter 98

**Chapter Ninety-Eight**

John watched as the bus pulled up to the barber shop, thinking about how odd it would be to have someone else cut his hair. He'd always trimmed it up himself since he never had any money for a real haircut, and that was why he'd always looked so crazy in elementary school and most of junior high.

"What kind of haircut are you gonna get?" Amelia asked, taking John's hand as they walked into the shop.

He shrugged, tapping his throat to remind her that he couldn't speak.

She nodded, watching as Claire sat as far away from John as she could get in the small shop. "Is Sweets mad at you?"

He looked up as the barber asked who was going first, standing and walking over to the chair. He settled into the seat, jumping as the man tied a little strip of paper around his neck.

Clarissa noticed his distress, walking over to help him calm down a little and tell the man what they wanted to do with his hair. "Relax John."

The barber smiled, draping the cape over John's shoulders before he started combing John's hair. "Alright, what are we doing with this?"

Clarissa looked at the length of the back of his hair, thinking about what exactly they should do since he was still trying to grow it out. "I think that we should clean the back up a little, and trim the dead ends off." She looked at the gray streak, knowing that he hated the lighter color. "And could you color this to match the rest of his hair?"

The barber nodded, spraying John's hair down with water and setting to work trimming him up.

John watched as his hair changed from a shaggy mess to a neat clean cut. He even let the man trim his beard up, surprising the family with the fact that he was letting someone so close to his neck with scissors.

Clarissa smiled as the man dried John's hair and started to dye it. She chuckled at how he wrinkled his nose as the smell of the chemicals in the dye, knowing how awful the smell was from her own experience with hair coloring. "I know. It stinks, huh?"

John nodded, making the little bit of tinfoil in his hair fall onto his forehead.

Clarissa looked up as Sam walked over to another chair to let the barber set to work on him. "Don't keep it too long." She pointed to Sam's chest length hair, and tapping her ear. "I think ear length is the way to go on him."

Sam groaned, knowing that his hair was long to help hide the tattoo he'd let Dominic do on the back of his neck. "Clarissa…"

She shook her head, remembering the snake he had colored into his skin. "I'm not letting you have long hair if you're not going to take care of it."

Sam sighed, rolling his eyes as the barber started working on brushing out his curly mess of strawberry blond hair. "Fucking hell."

"That's a dollar fifty." Mary stated, not even glancing up from the magazine she was looking at.

"God damnit!"

"Another fifty cents, for a total of two dollars." Jan smiled, happy that the jar was working slowly but surely.

Claire rolled her eyes, looking at the photo of Kevin Bacon in the latest edition of Tiger Beat. She remembered seeing his latest movie Footloose in February, when she'd gone with Jessica and her old friends on Jessica's birthday. Luckily, she hadn't been in a relationship with John yet so he hadn't seen her drooling over the actor, and if he had he would have lost his shit. That was the main reason that she didn't watch it when he was home and waited until he was out doing God only knows what on the streets.

John watched Claire in the mirror, wondering what she was thinking about. He glanced at his watch, remembering that he had to get to the mechanic shop on twelfth street and turn in his application before they closed in two hours. He knew that he should wait until he had his voice back in case he had to be interviewed right away, but he needed a job ASAP. He'd found the setting he wanted to use for Claire's ring in the jewelry store at the mall a few weeks ago, and he knew it would cost a little more if he had them use the diamond he wanted them to just because they'd have to take it from the earring and make the setting a little different to fit the stone. He wanted to get that ring for her so that he could propose on her birthday in June. He just needed to save the four thousand dollars for the gold setting and find the perfect spot to pop the question. He wasn't going to ask her while laying in a hospital bed this time, and he wanted to make sure it was perfect. Plus, this time, he wouldn't be drugged up with sedatives and whatever else they'd pumped into him to keep him alive that night. He also wanted to get a photographer to take a picture of her accepting the ring when he got down on one knee.

He twisted the old skull ring on his finger, remembering how Sid had proposed to Kaylie when they were fifteen. He remembered Kaylie accepting and how they'd gotten tattoos of each other's names from Dominic since they couldn't afford real rings and didn't even have enough for a professional tattoo. So, they'd gotten stuck with the black lines of Dominic's attempt at a nice tattoo, that was now a painful memory for Kaylie. He'd noticed that she'd been covering it up with makeup lately, the faded ink being masked until she went to gym and sweated it off.

He remembered how Dominic had wanted to practice on him, and how he'd flat out refused and ran off for a few days. He remembered the searing pain when the Black Hawks had found him and burned his feet and legs after stealing everything he'd had on him. He knew why they'd done it. It was the same reason John had cut the feet of the man who'd tried to rape Kaylie. It was so that he couldn't run to the cops to get them canned. He didn't remember much after that. Dominic had said he was in shock when he showed up at his house, and he'd had to call Kaylie and Sid on their date to have them help scrub the raw, blackened skin from John's legs and feet. He could vaguely remember Sid and Dominic holding him down as he screamed for relief from the pain, and how Sid had let him down a whole bottle of Jack Daniels to try and numb his mind enough to take the edge off. They'd saved their money for months to buy that shit, and John had downed the whole bottle after they'd broken the wax seal with hardly a breath between gulps of the burning whiskey. It hadn't even taken much of the edge off, but it had made him shit faced enough to not remember anything after that.

He was glad that Claire didn't know about that. Glad that she'd never asked about those scars, or hadn't noticed them yet. It wasn't that it pained him to talk about his scars, it's just that he'd gotten so drunk or high that he couldn't remember much of them because he'd been desperate to ease the pain. The only ones he'd forced himself to stay sober for were the letters of his last name. He hadn't wanted to forget the words his father had told him with each letter being branded into his flesh. He wanted to remember them so he could prove his old man wrong. He could still hear his voice as the scent of his burning skin filled his nose. "You are a Bender whether you like it or not. You can't escape it. And just so you never forget, this will tell the world who you are." Jacob had pressed the first letter to John's flesh a cruel grin spreading over his face as John had screamed and tried to pull himself up and away from the pain by the ropes tethering his hands to the celling of the garage. "You're like a calf, you belong to me and this proves it." He'd pressed the second letter into John's side, finding joy in John's broken sobs of pain as the tears had streamed down his cheeks. "You're always going to be part of me. You cannot escape it." The third letter was burned into John, making him scream until his throat was raw.

John jumped as Clarissa touched him, pulling him from the memory of what had happened to him.

She nodded to the mirror, as the barber pulled the foil from John's hair, showing him the dark brown that had been gone from the strip since he was a kid. "Better?" She asked, as the man turned the chair to lean John back over the sink and rinse the excess pigment from his hair.

John nodded, happy that he looked like a normal teen now. He smiled, as if to tell he thank you for all she did for him.

"You're welcome, Pumpkin." She patted his chest, not noticing the girl lurking outside of the shop.


	99. Chapter 99

**Chapter Ninety-Nine**

John glanced at his watch, tugging on Thomas's sleeve to get his attention. He wrote a few words in his notebook, showing him what he'd interrupted his nap for. "I have to turn in my application you helped me with."

Thomas nodded, tapping Clarissa's shoulder. "I'm taking John to drop off his application at the mechanic shop, we'll be back in a little bit."

She smiled, watching John stand and slip his backpack on. "Look out for him." She patted her husband on the back, making sure John understood she was talking to him. "Tommy tends to find trouble wherever he goes."

John smiled, breathing like he wanted to laugh.

Thomas chuckled, walking with John out the door. "Should we get a taxi?" He asked, noticing how John was suppressing his limp.

John shook his head, aching to speak so he could tell him that he needed the fresh air. He was so used to spending hours and even days at a time out of the house, that he'd noticed he'd become more agitated since he was being cooped up inside while he recovered. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, making sure to keep Thomas where he could see him and where he felt he was safe.

Thomas noticed how John kept him between himself and the street, his chest swelling with pride and joy that the kid saw him as someone to protect and knowing that was how John showed his love. "John, Clarissa told me about what happened at school today."

John ducked his head, veering away from a group of men in business suits as they passed him on the sidewalk.

"She told me that you've got detention on Saturday, with Tobias Abby. And that you said you saw your father when you were fighting him…"

John lifted his head, his dark eyes meeting Thomas's with the realization of what he was asking. He pulled out his notebook, jotting down what he'd seen as he was in the middle of the fight. "I remembered my old man beating the shit out of me as a kid… Toby tried to grab my neck and that's when I lost it. It was like I could feel that damn bike chain around my throat again."

Thomas nodded, his eyes drifting the scarring around the kid's neck, remembering the first time he'd seen John in the hospital and how his throat had been black and blue from the pressure of the chain. "How old were you when he first used it?"

John shrugged, holding up seven fingers as they walked.

"Seven?" Thomas's eyes widened at the fact John had just revealed about his childhood.

John nodded, jotting a few words down on the paper. "Jacob figured out that I wasn't responding to the beatings as much as he wanted, so he started using the chain to make his message clearer. I'm not sure why I didn't respond as much, but I guess I always had a high pain tolerance or something."

Thomas remembered what Clarissa had told him about John's side being branded with his last name. "I know that you're the toughest kid I've ever met." He smiled at the little smirk on John's face, noticing that his skin was returning to his normal bright complexion and that the dullness was giving way to his natural tone. "You're looking healthier." He stated, noticing that John had even started to put on some weight in the last few weeks.

John shrugged, touching his ribs as if he was saying he still felt too thin.

"You're getting it back though. That must mean something to you." He paused as John's behavior changed, noticing that he became defensive suddenly. "What is it?" He asked, following John's line of sight to see a group of gangsters across the street. "John, it's fine. They won't bother us if we don't bother them." That was when he smelled it, the skunky scent of marijuana. He looked at John's eyes, recognizing the look of want in them. "John…" He touched John's shoulder, trying to give him the support he needed. "You're okay."

John nodded, fighting the voice in his head telling him to find their dealer.


	100. Chapter 100

**Chapter One-Hundred**

Thomas wrinkled his nose at the scent of oil and grease, looking at John as he smiled and inhaled a huge breath of it. "You like this?" He asked, chuckling as John nodded.

John walked up to the counter, writing a few words in his notebook, before handing his application and the notes to the woman at the counter. "I'm John, I got this application yesterday and just wanted to drop it off for you guys."

The woman smiled, giving John a confused look. "Are you deaf, sweetheart?" She asked, speaking slowly incase he had to read lips.

John shook his head, looking at Thomas in hopes he would explain so that he didn't have to write it all down.

Thomas nodded, knowing what John was asking. "He can hear just fine, actually he can hear a little too well, he just lost his voice when he was singing in the Battle of the Bands last week. He's under doctor's orders to not speak until his vocal cords heal up."

The woman dipped her head, motioning for John to follow her into the main office. "You're in luck, my husband actually just came in." She opened the door, smiling at her husband as he looked up from the paperwork spread out on his desk. "Lee, this is John, he's applying for the new mechanic job."

Lee waved them inside, his brow furrowing at the redheaded man who walked in with the teen. "Take a seat." He smiled at John, noticing the notebook in his hand. "How old are you?" He asked, watching as John scribbled his answer in the book. "Is he mute?" He questioned looking to Thomas, wondering if he was acting as John's voice.

Thomas shook his head, letting John take a little more time to write. "He lost his voice a few days ago when he was singing. His doctor told him not to speak for a while."

The man nodded, looking at all John had written for him. "You're seventeen, hard worker, experienced with mechanical workings… and you're saving to buy an engagement ring for your sweetheart?" He looked up at John, noticing the hint of pride in the boy's eyes. "Do you have her father's approval?"

Thomas chuckled, patting John on the back. "He sure does." He smiled at the man. "Thomas Becket Standish, I'm John's foster father, and my daughter is the girl he wants to marry."

"Lee Cook." He reached his hand out to shake Thomas's and then John's. "Is John all he says he is?"

Thomas smiled, looking at the silent boy beside him. "He's all that, and more."

John cracked a little smirk, trying his best to make a good impression.

Lee grinned at the pair, placing John's application in the drawer. "Can you start on Wednesday after school?" He asked, laughing at John's excited nod. "Well then, I need you to take this home, fill it out, and bring it in then." He handed John a tax form, noticing how he looked at it with concern. "What's the matter?" He asked, letting John have a moment to show what was wrong to Thomas.

"His driver's license is suspended at the moment. He's been struggling with medical issues that have kept him from driving over the last few months."

Lee looked at the kid, seeing the shame he was trying to hide. "Is it anything that could keep him from doing his job?"

Thomas shook his head, knowing that John's license would be activated again if his next set of testing went okay and the scans showed that he was no longer in danger of seizures. "I think you're safe. He just can't get too excited, or he might suffer a seizure."

Lee's wife gasped, remembering where she'd seen John before. "Are you the boy from the news?"

John dropped his head, twisting the ring around his finger as the memory of the high he'd gotten from the meth returned.

Thomas answered for him, knowing how ashamed John always became when asked that question. "He is. But the media got it wrong. I'm not sure where they got the information that John was addicted to meth, but he didn't choose to have it in his system." He let John walk out of the room, noticing how Lee and his wife seemed shocked at the kid's reaction. "He was drugged when he was trying to protect a little girl from her kidnappers."

Lee seemed to understand, knowing that a few of his employees had addictions of their own. "Well, I don't care about the past. As long as he works hard, and does an honest job, I'll keep him on." He looked up at his wife, handing her some money. "Bridget, will you get me a sandwich from Vinny's for lunch, please?"

She smiled, taking the money from her husband as she started for the door. "Only if I get my coffee."

Lee chuckled, standing as if to leave. "I'm glad John's doing better now." He paused, looking at Thomas as he stood. "Do you know what size he wears, I would like to get his name stitched on one of our coveralls so he doesn't stain his clothes and ruin your washer and dryer."

Thomas watched as John walked into the restroom, trying to remember his measurements. "He's five foot ten, and I think that he wears a size medium shirt."

Lee raised his eyebrows, shocked to hear exactly how small John was. "He's that thin?"

Thomas nodded, remembering how thin John had been when he'd first come to him. "The meth did a number on him. But he was thinner when he first came to us." He remembered seeing John's body for the first time when he'd been in the hospital and had needed to change his gown after he'd gone through a couple days of a bad fever from his body getting used to the blood transfusion, and had sweated through the thin fabric. "His parents were neglective, and he never got a lot to eat."

Lee shook his head. "Sick bastards."


	101. Chapter 101

**Chapter One-Hundred and One**

John unzipped his jeans, standing at the urinal as he replayed a tune in his head. He heard the door open, and before he could zip up again, Jessica was on top of him.

"Hello John." She purred, walking her fingers up his chest as he tried to back away. "How's your voice?" She grinned as he glowered at her, knowing that he still couldn't speak. "You won't be able to call out my name then?"

John curled his lip in a snarl, wishing he was able to make the sound he wanted. He held up his middle finger, trying to push Jessica away from him without hurting her like his parents would have.

"If you want to fuck me, then do it." She smirked, reaching for John's hips. "I'd love to feel you inside of me."

John tried to back farther away, his back pressing against the stall door. "N-o." He barely managed the word as his voice protested the broken word.

She pouted, choosing to touch him over his jeans in hopes of getting him hard before he came this time. "You'll like it if you give it a chance. Just ask your cousin, Dominic."

John fought the pleasure coursing through his body, reminded of the unwanted pleasure of the meth. "O-ff." He tried again to push her away, using a little more force this time. He tried to raise his voice, the cry for help still not loud enough. "Da-d!" He called, hoping that Thomas would hear his weak voice. "Da-d!"

Jessica smiled, knowing that Thomas thought he was just taking a piss and didn't know that she was here. "Shut up. You're ruining the mood."

John glared at her, grabbing her hands as she pulled his zipper down. "N-o." He croaked, looking up as Thomas walked through the door. "Da-d!"

Thomas pulled Jessica off of John, using all the force that John was afraid to. "Get off of my son." He ordered, pushing her from the restroom. "Go home Jessica. John doesn't want you, and if I catch you again, I will make sure you go to juvie." He shut the door, making sure to lock it as he turned to John. "Are you okay?" He asked, watching as John turned and zipped up.

John nodded, turning back to Thomas. He walked toward the man, wishing he could find a way to tell him thank you without writing it. He smiled as he remembered the sign language motion for the words, hoping Thomas would understand. He lifted his hand to his chin, moving it toward Thomas and placing the back of his hand in the palm of his other one.

Thomas chuckled, having known sign language since he was a little kid. "You're welcome." He smiled at John's shocked expression. "My great-aunt was deaf and I learned sign language as a child."

John beamed, happy that someone could teach him another way to communicate. He wrote something down in his book, holding it up for Thomas to see. "Teach me?"

Thomas touched John's shoulder, happy that he was one of the only men he let touch him. He lifted his hand, making a motion like he was nodding his head. "Of course, I will."


	102. Chapter 102

**Chapter One-Hundred and Two**

John watched as Thomas showed him a sign as they walked back to the barber shop, trying to repeat the motion.

Thomas chuckled as he saw John's confusion, guiding his hands to the correct symbol. "That's how you say 'please.'"

John nodded, rubbing his hand over his heart again as he tried to get used to the new communication method.

Thomas smiled, showing John the sign for 'dad.' "And this is 'dad.'" He touched his thumb to his forehead again, watching John as he copied the motion. "That's perfect!"

John bit his lip, trying to hide his prideful smile. He made the sign for thank you, following it with the new sign he'd learned. "Thank you, Dad."

Thomas opened the door to the barber's, letting John walk inside. He noticed that Claire looked up at John, seeing the shadow of fear pass over her before she turned back to her magazine.

John bowed his head at the look of fear in Claire's eyes, ashamed of what he'd done. He looked at his friends, smirking at their short hair.

"Not a Goddamn word." Dominic threatened, running a hand over the short length of his hair. "I feel naked."

Jim laughed, tugging on his own haircut. "At least we don't look like cavemen anymore."

Sam agreed, trying to tug his hair until it was long enough to cover the tattoo. "Yeah. But why couldn't Dom give me a good tattoo?" He touched the bumpy skin where the ink had stained his flesh. "I mean, I thought I was the drunk one when I let him do this shit. But I guess he was high on some shit."

Dominic glared at him, remembering how Sam had jumped every time the tattoo gun had poked him. "Maybe if you weren't such a wuss, it would have turned out better." He pulled his sleeve up, showing the dark lines on his bicep of an eagle. "Hell, I did this one on myself."

Cody barked a laugh. "Dude, that looks like shit too."

Jan rolled her eyes, trying to tally up what the boy's owed to the swear jar. "That's fifty cents for Samson, fifty cents for Dominic Alejandro, and twenty-five cents for Cody Gregory."

The boys groaned, wishing the swear jar didn't exist and they could say whatever they wanted like they could in their old houses. Of course, that was the only good thing about their old houses.

John grinned as he knelt down to give Amelia a hug, giving her an eskimo kiss by rubbing his nose against hers.

She giggled, placing her hands on his cheeks as he tried to laugh. "You're weird."

John cocked a brow, like he was asking the question of why.

She pushed her fingers through his beard, noticing how the facial hair curled but his regular hair was straight. "Why is your beard curly?"

John shrugged, smiling as she pulled on the short hair.

The barber finished up Tyler's haircut, taking his cape off and turning to the family to see the work he'd done. "You all like it?" He asked, smiling as the boy's all bobbed their heads in a yes. "Well, your parents aren't going to like how much this will cost."

Clarissa pulled out her checkbook, happy that the families had agreed to spit the bill between them by paying for the kids that had adopted them as their parents. "How much will it be for Johnathan and Dominic?" She asked, writing the barbershop's name on the check.

"Forty dollars."

Clarissa nodded, happy that it wasn't too much. "Here you go." She tore the check from the book, handing it to the man. She stood as John tried to pick Amelia up again. "Oh no, not yet mister. Put her down." She chuckled at John's glare, the rich chocolate color in his eyes betraying his anger as he looked at her with the color that always showed he loved someone. "Don't try that. I know that you're not angry at me. If you were, those eyes would be a lot darker."

Claire rolled her eyes, wishing that hers would change color so that she didn't always have to voice her emotions. She loved that John's eyes could tell everyone what he was feeling, it made this time without his voice easier to bear, but she had a mild dislike of it since she always had to tell him what she felt. She didn't know if he could remember a lot of their midnight conversations, since he usually fell asleep first. That was the first thing she'd noticed since he'd been drugged with the meth. His body seemed to wear out faster, and when he hit that wall of complete exhaustion, there was nothing that could bring him back. He would lay his head anywhere available, and simply pass out for anywhere from ten minutes to nine or ten hours.

John rubbed his cheek, wishing he could speak to Claire instead of writing everything. He knew that she missed his voice, missed being able to actually speak a two-sided conversation with him. He'd noticed that the whole family had been on edge lately since he'd been forced into silence. He stood to his full height, stepping over to Claire. He reached to touch her hands, letting her pull away. He knew she was scared, knew that with how much he looked like his old man and with how he'd reacted to Toby trying to touch his throat. "Cl-ai-re." John tried not to wince as he spoke her name, the pain of his vocal cords being used so soon to being blown like a hot knife in his trachea. "L-ove… yo-u."

Claire looked up at him, noticing the pain in his eyes. "Don't speak." She ordered, reaching up to his neck so she could massage his larynx and help relieve his pain. "I want to be able to hear you sing again."

Kathrine gave a sad smile, remembering her years as a nurse and seeing the many cases of damaged vocal cords. "He'll never sound the same." She handed forty dollars to the barber. "They never do after they lose their voice." She remembered how John's voice had been slightly smooth before it'd blown out. "It'll be rougher, and maybe quieter." She noticed the concern on John's face, knowing exactly what he was worried about. "You won't have as much power to it, but you can learn new ways to sing to make it seem like you have it."

John touched Claire's fingers as she pushed on his Adams Apple pulling her hands behind his neck and letting her know how much he trusted her by letting her hands wrap around his neck, the one spot he protected the most -even more than his groin.

Claire gave a little smile, knowing exactly what he was trying to do. "You scared me today."

He nodded, making her squeeze his throat.

She remembered the dark bruises around his neck the night she'd found him in the park, the image of the chain pattern showing itself as the memory came back to her. "John…" She pulled his head down to her, letting her lips meet his. "I love you." She whispered, feeling his calloused hand on her cheek as he wiped a tear from her cheek. His touch was gentle, the touch of a loving boyfriend and a future husband. She leaned her head on his chest, listening to the strong beat of his heart deep inside. "I'm sorry." She whispered, hoping he knew what she meant.

He smiled, untying his flannel shirt from around his hips, and draping it over her shoulders. He knew how much she loved his shirts and also knew that there was another storm coming in from the coast. He'd smelled it on the wind, and from how strong the scent was he guessed it would be soon. He felt her trace one of the raised scars on his back over his shirt. He pressed his hand to his chest, moving it to her heart in the sign they'd created to say 'I love you.'


	103. Chapter 103

**Chapter One-Hundred and Three**

John turned on the shower, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping his pants and boxers around his ankles. He picked out one of the washcloths that Mary had stitched his name into, before stepping into the steaming water of the shower. He rubbed the bar of soap that belonged to him over the cloth, working up a good lather before he started to scrub his body clear of Jessica's touch. He rubbed until his skin was pink, only stopping after the water turned ice cold. He stomped his foot on the floor of the tub, hoping that someone had simply turned the dishwasher on or something and diverted the hot water.

"Johnathan Kurtis! Get out of the shower! You used all the water!" Mary shouted, knocking on the bathroom door to get him out. "It's bath night for Amelia and now we have to wait until it heats up again."

John shut the water off, grabbing his towel and wrapping it around his hips. He opened the door, stepping out into the hall and walking past Mary on his way to his room. He could feel her eyes on him; knowing that she'd never seen as many of his scars as she could see now. He stopped in his path, turning to walk back to her. He lifted her hand to the scar on his side, trying to tell her that he was okay and he only hurt every now and then.

She brushed her fingers over the scar, wondering how deep it had been. It was obviously old, maybe from when he was in his early teens, but it was still purple and had something about it that made it look almost fresh. "How old?" She asked, praying that he told her he'd been older than she thought.

He flashed five fingers twice and followed the ten with a two, making a total of twelve.

Her heart ached with the thought of a twelve-year-old child having this wound inflicted on him. "How deep was it?"

John held up his finger, placing the index finger of his other hand on top as he measured out how far he thought it would have been. He shrugged, trying to tell her it was an estimate and that he didn't remember a lot after he'd been cut. He nodded toward his room, hoping to be able to tell her more with his notebook.

She followed him to his bedroom, watching as he picked up his notebook and wrote what had happened.

"That was the first time I almost overdosed, the blood was coming out so fast and so much that I thought I was bleeding out. So, I popped a bunch of oxy and laid down to die in peace. Next thing I knew, Dom was on top of me forcing me to throw up as Sid heated up a knife with his lighter. They cauterized it and that's why it's still that funky color, they had to burn me to stop the blood. Then we took a couple needles from my Mom's heroin jar and made an old-fashioned blood transfusion set up, and hooked Dominic up to me for about twenty minutes until I started to get my color back."

Mary read his writing, noticing that about halfway through his hands had started to shake. "Sweetheart…" She took one of the blankets at the foot of his bed and wrapped it around his shoulders, happy that he kept the weighted one in his room.

"Why didn't you tell someone sooner?" She asked, brushing a hand through his soaking wet hair like she'd seen Clarissa do when he was upset and trying to go into his own world of nothing but music and Claire. "We could have helped you."

John shook his head, jotting down his answer. "No one would have taken me… I was worse then, than I am now, believe it or not."

She kissed his temple, noticing the scent of the hair dye still clinging to his hair. "But you were still a child in need." She smiled, forgetting the placement of her hand and its proximity to his neck. "No one should have to go through what you did." She jumped as he jerked away from her, shocked at the sudden movement and how quickly he reacted. "What's wrong?" She asked, noticing the fear in his eyes. "John?" She stopped when he pushed his back against the wall and held his hand toward her, knowing that he needed to be left alone for a while. "Clarissa has something to share at dinner, I'm not sure what though. Come down when you're ready." She left John's room, happy that he at least felt safe in there. She closed his door, listening to the silence waiting for John to either explode in a fit, or start to cry. No one ever knew which he would choose, and that was the worst part of his temper, sometimes he chose neither and disappeared for a couple days until he'd had enough of being without Claire and decided to come back. She was amazed that he always knew how to get home, even if he'd never been in the city before. It was like he had a compass built in to his mind. She furrowed her brow as after five minutes no sound came from his room, and she cracked it open to see him in nothing but his boxers with his pen and poetry and song book in his hand. She smiled, happy that he'd found another way to relax and vent his emotions. "Good boy, Johnny." She whispered, shutting his door all the way as she started down stairs.


	104. Chapter 104

**Chapter One-Hundred and Four**

Amelia climbed into John's bed, the image of John screaming and thrashing around when they'd loaded him into the ambulance after the bad people had taken her and the police had rescued them. "John?" She whispered, poking his forehead to wake him up and let him know she was there. She'd learned after a few times of scaring him, that she needed to let him know she was there. If he didn't, he might as well jump out of his skin with how he reacted to her surprising him. "John…"

He cracked his eyes open, blinking to clear his vision. He smiled, rolling onto his side and lifting the covers so she could cuddle up to him.

She crawled under the covers, curling into his body. Her hands found the scar on his left pec, the beat of his heart pounding deep in his chest. "I had a bad dream…" She felt John nod, his lips pressing to the crown of her head as if to say it would be okay. "You were acting funny when they took us to the hospital… why did you do that?"

John's heart ached, the craving for a high hitting his like a train. He took her hand, placing her palm against his as he fought the itch. He stretched his fingers out, noticing that Amelia had long thin fingers that were perfect for the piano. He tried to focus on her by his side and ignore the ache for a high.

 _Come on Bender, what happened to the badass that you used to be? Look at you… cuddling with a little snot nosed kid. You used to hate kids. Especially the ones like her. Fucking richy._ The voice of the old John spoke in the back of his head. _You know where to go. You know where the dealer's territories are. You can get your hands on something. And if not… there's always booze. Remember Ouzo? That stuff from Greece that Beverly kept locked away when she could afford it? How it burned like fire going down, but it tasted like heaven? Remember the buzz? It killed the pain. It might kill the guilt too._

Amelia rolled away from him, leaving him free to move. He slowly lifted the blankets, swinging his feet onto the floor. He curled his toes into the carpet, trying to ground himself and escape his demons. He closed his eyes, trying to picture something other than his cravings. He tried to see his Claire… picture her red hair… but the image always became a bottle, or a needle, or a joint. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get those demons out.

He pushed himself up off of the bed, walking out of his bedroom. He paused in the hallway, looking down the hall toward the stairs, before turning his head toward the room at the end of the hall where Clarissa were sleeping. He had the feeling that he was at a cross roads… one road would take him to a place of euphoria, but only with the help of drugs and booze… the other, would take him to safety and joy of a different kind.

He sighed, turning toward Clarissa and Thomas's room. He knocked on the door, slowly pushing it open. "M-om?" He croaked, flinching as she shot up.

She squinted at him, reaching for the glasses she only wore at night to see better. "Oh… John…" She sighed, motioning him forward as she turned on her bedside lamp. "You scared me." She took in the look on his face, instantly sensing that something was wrong. "What's the matter?" She motioned him closer, letting him sit on the bed as Thomas snored deep in his sleep.

He leaned his head on her shoulder, ashamed of what he was fighting. "Mo-re."

Clarissa rubbed her hand over his arm. "Bad?"

He nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to focus on her touch.

Clarissa felt the fight going on inside of him, his muscles tightening with every breath. "Would you like to stay with us tonight?" She asked, cracking a smile as Thomas snored so loud, he woke himself up. "I don't think Tommy would mind too much."

Thomas gave a tired smile as John crawled onto the bed to lay between the adults. "Just don't move around too much, son."

John breathed a laugh, laying on his stomach as Clarissa rubbed circles on his scarred back. He closed his eyes, resting his head on his hands as he started drifting off to sleep.

Clarissa traced the valley of his spine, her heart aching at the pail scarring lacing his back. "Poor baby…"

Thomas nodded, noticing the scarring on his legs and feet for the first time since he'd come to live with them. "When you look at him… you can see why he used and drank." He placed an old knit blanket over John's legs and hips, letting the weight settle on the boy's body. "I can't imagine the pain he's felt…"

Clarissa sighed, turning her light out. "I just wish he hadn't had to use and drink like he did. I hope that isn't brought up at the meeting with Toby's parents tomorrow." She lifted her gaze to look at her husband, a flicker of curiosity in her eyes. "Do you think that's why he's having these cravings? He's stressed about all of us having to talk to them?"

Thomas felt John shift, happy that the boy was starting to feel safer around him. "I just hope he doesn't cave…" He remembered the gangsters on the walk to John's new job, the look of want in John's eyes. "I don't want to see him go through detox again." He remembered the seizures, realizing that it'd been almost a week since he'd had one. "I don't want to hear him beg for death anymore."

Clarissa brushed her fingers through John's hair, remembering the night that she'd spent forcing him to live when he wanted to give up. "He's stronger than we think. He could have run out tonight, but he came to us." She yawned, looking at the clock to see that it was after midnight. "It's a big step toward him getting better. I'm going to sleep."

He leaned over John, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she settled into her dreams. "Goodnight, Cinnamon Bear."

"Goodnight, Tiger." She smiled, resting her hand on John's back and letting Thomas place his hand over hers as she drifted off into her slumber.


	105. Chapter 105

**Chapter One-Hundred and Five**

Clarissa opened her eyes, smiling when she saw the John was still asleep between her and Thomas. She gently touched his back, brushing her fingers over his shoulders. "John, time to wake up Pumpkin."

John shook his head, accidentally waking Thomas up as he moved.

Thomas chuckled, climbing out of the bed to get ready for work. "Wake up, kiddo. It's time for school." He shook his head as John refused again, walking out of the room and appearing a moment later with Amelia in his arms. "John, I'm counting to three, and if you're not up I'm going to let Amelia wake you up."

John held up his middle finger burrowing deeper into the bed.

Clarissa sighed, letting Thomas put Amelia on the bed and set to work waking him up. "John! John! Wake up! You have to take me to school!" She climbed onto his back, her knees pressing on either side of his ribs, and her toes digging into his lower back. "Wake-" She was cut off when John jumped from pain, making her roll onto the bed beside him. "Up…"

John pressed his back against Clarissa's side, knowing that even if she couldn't stop the ache entirely, she could help make it hurt less. He let her touch him, her hands rubbing against his too tight muscles as she tried to make them relax. She tried to remember the pressure points that John's acupuncture therapist had used to take the tension out, but she couldn't remember each one. "Should we make another appointment for you?" She asked, as he sat up and stretched. "You have your physiatrist on Saturday, but we can make an appointment for acupuncture sooner if you think you need it."

John shrugged, letting Amelia climb onto his back as he stood and started for his room to get dressed.

Claire watched as John and Amelia walked past her room, wondering why they were coming from her parent's room. She started to walk after him, but was stopped by Kaylie. "What's wrong?" She asked, knowing that they only kept her away from John when something was up with him. "Is he okay?"

Kaylie gave a small smile, having seen John go to Clarissa and Thomas in the middle of the night. "He had some cravings last night." She remembered seeing the look of want in his eyes, knowing exactly what he thought he needed. "He went to your parent's for support. But we still need to keep a close eye on him today." She remembered her own small relapse about a month after she'd quit smoking and drinking. "We burners have a way of finding things even when we're not looking for them. I never told anyone about this… but I relapsed about a month after I quit. I had a drink of beer, and chewed a little weed so no one would smell it on me. That was the night after I had cravings so bad I had to crawl into bed with Richard and Jan. So, we have to keep an eye on him. Especially since he's got that too clever fox attitude working for him."

Claire nodded, still trying to understand what the burners went through. "Got it." She watched as Kaylie rubbed foundation onto the tattoo of Sid's name on her wrist. "You never told me about him… what was he like?" She knew that the conversation would be hard for her, but she also knew that she needed to talk about him. John had his music and poetry, but Kaylie didn't write, instead, she would burry herself in reading, or playing around with her fashion sketches.

Kaylie gave a sad smile, remembering the first time she'd met Sid. "He was amazing. He was like John but with less temper and more thought. I met him in first grade when we got stuck together in the three-legged race in gym class. That was the first time I met John too… he got into a fight with Sam over his lunch and lost his front teeth before we could pull them off of each other, it wasn't until our actual lunch hour that we realized Sam's lunch was missing and we found John barfing it up in the bathroom because he ate it too fast."

Claire remembered the day John had lost his front teeth, she'd never known the full story, but she did remember someone puking in the bathroom that day. "When did you start dating?"

"Not sure, I think we realized we liked each other around eighth grade -you know, after puberty hit- but I'm not really sure when we started dating. I guess we started going on solo dates when he started picking up odd jobs and taking me to the diner for coffee and donuts, when we were about fourteen." She picked up her hairbrush, brushing her hair out and picking up the clip that Brian had given her. "A week after we started dating, he and Dominic were holding John down as I tried to scrub his legs and feet clean after he got those burns on his legs. I'll never forget those screams, or watching him down the whole fifth of Jack Daniels we bought. It was Sid's idea to let him drink it all, he thought it would help with John's pain without risking an overdose on oxy. But he got really sick from it and it just made a huge mess." She picked up her eyeliner, expertly rimming her eyes with the black. "We all took turns watching him that night. And that was also the first time I ever did it. Sid and I were both fighting between finding something to get high on, and staying sober for John, so we decided that sex was a middle ground." She remembered the feeling of Sid's body on hers, the cold of the bathroom floor on her back, and the heat of Sid on her front. "It was as perfect as our lives had ever been. A year later, he proposed, and then… John found his body in the dumpster behind Greasy Ed's." She tensed as John's hand rested on her shoulder, meeting his dark eyes as she looked up at him. "I miss him." She pushed her tears back, seeing her pain reflected in John.

Claire rested her hand on Kaylie's back as she cried into John's chest, the pain that they both felt on a daily basis visible for the first time. She'd never seen them like this before, never seen John fight so hard to be strong for someone else. "I'm so sorry."


	106. Chapter 106

**Chapter One-Hundred and Six**

John took Claire's hand as he caught sight of Toby, smirking at the splint he had taped to his face, and the dark bruises around his eyes. "Sissy." He croaked, his eyes widening at the realization that he'd spoken a full word without his voice giving out halfway through.

Claire smiled, reaching up to touch his neck. "Try again."

"He's a sissy." His voice grated like stone on stone, but he'd finally spoken a full sentence.

Clarissa rolled her eyes, turning into Principal Anderson's office after Toby and his parents had taken a seat. "Don't push it."

Thomas took his seat, watching as John kissed Claire on the cheek before letting her go to her first class.

Principal Anderson leaned on his desk, noticing that Clarissa kept John as far from Toby and his folks as she could. "Mr. and Mrs. Standish, I'd like you to meet the Abby's."

Mr. Abby curled his lip at John's foster parents, sticking his nose up as Thomas held his hand out in greeting. "You really expect Tobias to be in the same room with this riffraff? The boy is obviously supposed to be in a mental institution, or a rehab center." He waved at John as he spoke, pointing out the fading signs of his brush with meth. "Look at him. He's demented."

Clarissa stood, feeling John's hands around her waist as he held her back. "Now, you listen here. My daughter was sexually assaulted by your son. Johnny was only protecting her." She gave his hands a sharp tap, letting him know she wanted to be let go. "Johnathan, is a perfectly fine boy. And if you ask me, it's your son who needs to be in the mental institution." She snatched John's notebook from his backpack, flipping to the page that Claire had found listing all the things that had happened to him. "John has written down, each and every thing that Toby has done to the Breakfast Club since they started here." She slammed it down on the desk, showing what John had written.

Mr. Abby took rolled his eyes. "The boy could have been high when he wrote that. Besides, we're here to see that justice is served. Tobias is the one with a broken nose here, and it's that little rat that broke it. Now I think it only fair that Tobias be let off from his detention on Saturday."

Thomas held Clarissa back as she lunged at the man. "Cinnamon Bear, stop. John can't take another parent in jail, especially you."

She shoved him off of her, pointing her finger in the Abby's faces. "John may have done some bad things in his life. But at least he's owning up to it. He's willing to pay for what he did by going to detention, when he could be going to the beach with the rest of us on Saturday. And he didn't come crawling to us to bail him out of it." She remembered John crawling into bed with them last night, listening to his quiet cries for some form of high that she still didn't know the name of. "He may only be Seventeen, but he's twice the man that you two will ever be." She marched from the room, her heels clicking as she rushed from the school.

John looked at Thomas, standing and taking off down the hallway after her. "Mom!" His voice was barely loud enough for her to hear, but he didn't need to be too loud as she stopped when she heard his steps behind her. "Don't."

She shook her head, accepting John's hug as he offered it to her. "I just don't understand why they can't see it."

John sighed, knowing how exhausting it was to live with the judgements and accusations. He hated that he'd brought this burden on his family, wishing that he could just wipe the slate clean. "They won't." He remembered being told he was stupid his whole life, and eventually starting to believe the lies that he was fed. "Ever."

Clarissa took Thomas's hand as he walked up to them, patting John's chest as her husband started to pull her away. "Don't listen to them."

John nodded, turning to go to his Spanish class as he made the sign for "I won't."


	107. Chapter 107

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seven**

John sat quietly through Spanish, gym, and history class, his hands itching for the feeling of a welder. Finally, the bell rang, and he bolted for the shop, pushing the door open and grabbing an Arc welder. He dropped his bandana on the housing, picking up a helmet and some leathers.

"Hey!" Barked a kid with brown hair and a patchy beard. "That's my welder." He growled shoving John's back into a huge table filled with scrap. "Besides, Meth-heads like you shouldn't be allowed to play with electricity."

John pushed himself off of the table, ignoring the pain from his hand where he'd cut it on some of the sharper pieces. He pointed to his bandana, showing that it was his claim. "Mine today." He stated, insisting that it was his.

The kid scoffed, taking the bandana and tossing it into the forge. "It's mine all the time, dickhead."

John watched as the bandana that had served him for so many years was burned in the heat of the forge, the red threads burning as if they'd never been. He could smell a hint of burning blood mixing with the smell of the fabric, the image of the cigar pressed to his arm surfacing in his mind. "Fuck you!" He screamed, his voice cracking as he clenched his fists in an attempt to stay out of trouble.

The kid barked a laugh, pushing John again. "Go find some drugs to shoot up with."

John huffed a breath, turning on his heal to find something else to fill his time with. He picked up a length of steel and a hammer, choosing to spend his hour in class hammering his anger out and make something rather than destroy. He shoved the steel into the forge, pulling a pair of safety glasses from his pocket as he watched the billet heat to a glowing red. He waited until it was white hot before he pulled it from the fire, laying it on the anvil to hammer into shape.

It wasn't long before the thick leather he had on became too hot, forcing him to toss it and risk the burns on his arms from flying spatter. He heaved a breath as he reheated the slowly shaping billet, wiping his forehead on his forearm as sweat dripped into his eyes. He watched the metal heat, the fuzzy memory as Sid's knife turned red from his lighter was pressed into the gash in his side. The memory of the scent of his burning flesh made his cough, followed by a choked gagging noise as the feeling of Dominic's fingers being forced down his throat seemed to become real with the memory.

Cooper looked up from his soldering project, seeing Bender's odd behavior at the forges. He stood, walking over to the new kid as he seemed to not be aware of where he was. "Bender?"

John jumped, his hand pressing to his side as he came out of the memory.

Cooper noticed the dark circles under John's eyes, wondering if the older boy had gotten any sleep the night before. "Are you alright?"

"Fine." He croaked, shaking the memory from his head. "Bad memory."

Cooper nodded, noticing the pale skin of John's scars showing even more prominently through the red skin of his overheated body. "You got your voice back."

John smiled, touching his throat as it started to ache. "Little…" He stopped as his vocal cords gave a twinge, knowing better than to push it any farther.

Cooper motioned to the forge where John's project was heating. "It's looking good." He tilted his head as John pulled it from the forge. "It's a knife of some sort, right?"

John nodded, hammering the tang of the blade into shape. He jumped as the bell rang, looking at his watch to see how much time he had before he was supposed to eat. He wasn't hungry today, in fact, the last thing he wanted was food. He wanted something to get high on, but he knew that was out of the question. With how pissed Claire had been the last time he'd relapsed, he didn't want to risk her temper again. He started for the locker rooms, letting Cooper tail him along with Tyler.

"Why are you guys always so close to him?" Cooper asked, as John turned on the shower and started tossing his clothes into the gym locker he'd been given.

Tyler glanced around the corner to make sure John was okay and didn't slip on the slick tile flooring. "I'll bet you saw the news reports… but what people didn't see was what came before that, I didn't see much of it either because I was still getting loaded at least four days a week, but his girlfriend told us what happened." He met Coopers eyes, popping his knuckles. "The withdrawals almost took him. And the only thing that kept him alive was Claire telling him she loved him."

Cooper glanced at John's bare feet under the shower curtain, the reality of how close he'd come to death because of his parents. "Wow…"


	108. Chapter 108

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eight**

John pressed his hands to the wall inside of the shower stall, letting the water wash over his body as he fought the craving for a high. He could hear Cooper and Tyler talking about his battle with meth, gasping as a sharp pain shot through his stomach.

Tyler pulled the curtain back to check on his friend, noticing the signs of his stomach pains left from his battle. "Are they back?" He asked, reaching into the shower to shut the water off and hand him a towel.

John nodded, taking the towel and drying himself off. "Yeah…"

Tyler waited until John wrapped the towel around his hips, before touching his stomach to see if it was a muscle thing, or something that needed medical attention. "God… it's been three weeks since the last one. What triggered them?"

John winced as Tyler pressed on a sore spot, gripping his shoulder to let him know that was where it hurt.

Tyler shook his head, helping John over to the lockers to sit down until the spasm stopped. "Stress?"

John groaned wrapping his arms around his stomach as he doubled over in pain.

Cooper watched John as he tucked his head between his legs, seeing for the first-time what John went through to pay for his choice to use. "All of this because of your parents?" He asked, stepping back as John's moans of pain grew louder.

Tyler looked up at the kid, pulling a bottle of turmeric from his locker and pouring a little of the yellow spice into a tiny bowl and adding water to make a paste. "Here." He forced John to sit up straight, pushing his back into the lockers as he spooned the paste into his mouth with his fingers. "That usually helps."

Cooper looked at the floor as he noticed the pain behind John's eyes, realizing that if he didn't try to get out of his father's house soon… he might end up in the same position. "Is there something I can do?" He asked, as John's body started to tremble.

Tyler pointed to the door, knowing that John was in the beginnings of a seizure. "Watch the door and don't let anyone in. And no matter what, don't leave your post." He slid John off of the bench, making him lay on his back on the floor as he cradled his head in his lap.

Cooper nodded, remembering the action from the news and knowing exactly what it meant. He turned on his heal, listening as the seizure began. He could hear John's body seizing and Tyler's voice speaking to him as he tried to sooth him. He jumped as a redheaded girl walked into the locker room, trying to stop her from entering like he'd been told. "You can't go in there." He stated, blocking her path.

She looked him up and down, pushing passed him to find John. "I'm looking for John." She dropped her purse as she saw John's convulsing body, rushing to his side. "Go watch the other door." She ordered, taking John's head from Tyler as she went about her method of stopping the seizures. "Sugar… John… come on baby… snap out of it." She pressed her thumbs to his temples, her heart aching until the last few jerks and twitches of the attack faded and let his body go completely still. "There you go…" She smiled, kissing his head as his chest heaved with each breath. "Slow it down, Sugar. Breathe in…" She took a slow breath, smiling as he copied her. "Breathe out." She pressed her hand to his chest, holding it there until all the air had left his lungs. "Again."

John took another deep breath, lifting his hand to rest it over Claire's hand above his heart. "Love… you." He croaked, flinching as the bell went off for their next set of classes.

Claire kissed him, helping him to stand and letting him get dressed. "I love you too." She smiled, picking up her bag before she left the locker room.


	109. Chapter 109

**Chapter One-Hundred and Nine**

John walked into his Science class, letting his limp show because he was to exhausted from his recent seizure to hide it. He dropped his sunglasses over his eyes, hoping to the dark circles that always seemed worse when he had an attack. He knew it was only because his skin became more pale than normal after one hit, but he still didn't like how it looked -it reminded him too much of the beginnings of the withdrawals when he'd been so weak that he could barely make it to the bathroom to puke or take a piss on his own. He took his seat in the back of the class, relieved that he could relax for a moment since he'd glanced at the text book a couple days ago and they happened to be going over the pages he'd looked at. He placed leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes to catch a cat nap and restore some of his energy before he had to finish the next few hours of the school day.

"Mr. Bender." Called Mr. Nelson, as John had just started to dose off. "There will be no sleeping in my class."

John glared at the teacher, crossing his arms over his chest as he fought the urge to tell him to fuck off.

Mr. Nelson watched the boy for a moment, noticing that something was off about him. "I would like you to graduate before you turn twenty." He stated, knowing that John couldn't speak.

John nodded, waving him off.

Mr. Nelson started toward the teen, stopping when Vernon pushed the door open. "Aaron, let him be. He's on edge, and you don't want to push it." Vernon warned, knowing that John had just suffered a seizure from what Tyler had told him before his class had started. "He's an ass, but believe me, it's not worth the risk."

Mr. Nelson backed off, knowing that Vernon had more experience dealing with this rebel than he ever would. "I'm not giving him any special treatment if that's what you're asking."

Vernon smirked, a little of John's influence showing in him. "Believe me, he doesn't need it. I'm just warning you that you're close to his breaking point, and I've been there before. You don't want to get there."

John relaxed for a moment, leaning back in his seat as sleep over took him, giving in to his exhaustion after he'd fought it for so long. He didn't hear anything until Mr. Nelson woke him up for the test. "If you fail this, it's on you kid."

John nodded, waving him off. He started checking off answers, and writing his reasons for them down, finishing in a few minutes and handing it over to Mr. Nelson before he finished his nap.

John jerked awake when the bell rang, picking up his backpack as he started for his locker to meet Claire before he went to music class. He spun his combo into his lock, popping it open to the strong smell of cheap beer wafting over him. He heaved a sigh, looking at his soaked belongings, he pulled his denim jacket from the locker, relieved that he'd worn that instead of the leather today, he grabbed one of the many water bottles in the bottom of the locker, tossing it into the trash with the knowledge that he couldn't drink from it anymore since it was covered in booze.

Claire watched as he emptied his locker out, knowing that he was aching to find the kid who'd done it, if not to beat him up then to try and get him to give him a drink. She knew he'd been trying to get rid of anything he could use to get his hands on something he wasn't supposed to. He'd burned his fake ID, tossed every lighter and pack of matches in his room into the trash, he'd even gone as far as not carrying cash with him unless he knew he would need it, instead stashing it in oddball places like Claire's glove compartment in her car, or under the seats in Andy's bronco, or under the insole of Dominic's shoes. He'd taken every precaution to keep him from temptation, especially today. Today, he wasn't even carrying his wallet or anything else he could possibly trade for a beer or a high. "We can wash it off." She stated, seeing the want in his eyes at the stench of the beer.

He nodded, tossing most of the stuff he'd had inside of the locker into the garbage, knowing that anything paper was ruined.

She rubbed his shoulders, able to feel the tension returning to his muscles. "Maybe we should tell someone."

He shook his head, closing his eyes as she touched him, trying to let her contact ground him. "No…"

She pulled him to her, bringing his head down to meet her lips. She let him set a pace, feeling his hunger for her as he nipped at her lips and moved his tongue against hers. She could sense the battle raging inside of him as he retracted his tongue and sucked on her lip, knowing that he only did this when he was desperate for a distraction and a high of a different kind. She sighed into his mouth as he moved back into the kiss, happy that he was slowly grounding himself through her, while at the same time giving her the feeling that she was lifting off into the air. She felt his hands trace little patterns on her hips, knowing that he was content in this moment.


	110. Chapter 110

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ten**

John took Claire's hand as they walked into their Phycology class, happy that they had seats right next to each other.

Mr. Hill smiled at the pair, knowing that this class was going to be difficult for John. "Alright, today, we're going into the science behind addictions…" He noticed how John tensed, and watched as the redhead moved as close to him as she could. "Now… there are several forms of addiction… there's alcohol and other substances-"

"Like meth!" Barked one of the jocks behind John.

Mr. Hill nodded, continuing his intro to the lesson. "Then there are the other ones that most people don't know about… sex for instance, some people are addicted to the act of sexual relations, others are addicted to food, sugar is a big one here. Some are addicted to pain, or even TV and the idea of physical belongings." He motioned to a poster of a human brain on the wall, pointing out a small spot in the cerebral cortex. "Now the idea is that the brain processes all pleasure the same way -as a reward. So, therefore, anything you find joy or pleasure in can become an addiction."

John raised his hand, slowly standing and taking Claire's hand as he walked to the front of the class. He stood before everyone, knowing that as one of the only people in this school who dealt with this battle, he could help shed light on this for them. He wrote a few words down in his notebook handing it to Claire to read. "It's not only pleasure that I felt when I used. I felt relieved, like the shithole world I was forced to live in was gone and all that was left was me and whatever I was abusing at the moment. They use the idea of an egg frying in a pan to tell you what happens to your brain when you use, but they don't tell you what happens to your body." He lifted his shirt over his head, showing them the physical consequences of his choices. "I've suffered seizures, uncontrollable vomiting, moments where I lose myself completely, and even times where I'm in so much pain from the moment I wake up, that I'm unable to leave my bed alone -even to just go to the bathroom. You may look at me, and see an addict, and that's not wrong… but I am not a meth-head."

Claire finished reading what he'd written, looking up at the class as they looked at John's near skeletal body in shock. "He's more than an addict… he's a fighter." She smiled, touching his side where he'd been branded with his last name. "And the best man I could ever meet…"

John breathed a laugh, gently kissing her lips before he pulled his shirt over his head again. He scribbled a few more words onto the notebook, letting her read it. "See me as a warning, not an enemy. Believe me… the high is not worth the pain. No matter what people try to tell you. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

Claire wiped a tear from her eyes, remembering that last Sunday when he'd needed Dominic's help to even take a bath because his body had been wracked with pain. "If not for yourself… then for your loved ones." She took his hand in hers, seeing her pain reflected in his eyes. "They feel your pain too."

John dried her tears, his rough hands pushing through her fiery hair. "Never… again…" He croaked, stumbling slightly as she launched herself against his body.

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, as she cried into his shoulder. "I don't want to lose you again…" She'd never told him, but after they'd gotten him to the hospital the night he'd wanted to give up, he'd been pronounced dead for three minutes before they'd been able to bring him back.

He held her close, his heart aching with every tear. "You won't…"


	111. Chapter 111

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eleven**

John smiled as they pulled up to the house after school, excited to show Claire his new project that he'd just finished. He waited for her to put her backpack in her room, choosing to dump his in his room before he grabbed her and bolted for the beach that was a few blocks from their house.

"John…" Claire gasped, as she began to slow. "I can't run as fast or long as you…"

John nodded, taking her hand again and walking toward the beach. He pulled his shoes off when they hit the sand, watching as Claire did the same, and made his way toward the rocks he'd found a few days ago.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he started climbing up the rocks, cautiously following him with unskilled hands and feet. "Ow!" She exclaimed as her foot began to bleed from a sharp piece in her foothold.

John poked his head over the top of the boulder, making a sign to communicate. "You okay?" He asked, reaching a hand down to help her up. He took her foot in his hands, pulling his sleeve over his fist as he carefully wiped the blood from her cut, before he tore the hem of his flannel and wrapped her foot in it as a makeshift bandage. "Not bad…" He whispered, telling her that it was only a scratch.

"I'm not used to climbing." She stated, letting him lead her a little higher on the formation to a little cave. "John, what are you doing?" She asked, as she crawled inside of the cave with him.

He smirked, turning around and pointing to the view of the ocean. He leaned back on one of the crappy outdoor pillows he'd stolen from their furniture beside the pool, resting his arm around her shoulders as she snuggled up to his side.

"Wow…" She breathed, watching the waves far below them as they rippled in the sea.

He gave a tired smile, resting his head against the wall behind them. "Love you more… widest ocean…" He tried to form the complete sentence but his throat prevented him from saying all he wanted to.

Claire nestled into his shoulder, breathing in his scent mixing with the salty tang of the sea. "I love you more than the deepest sea." She rubbed her hand over his chest, feeling his breath even out as he finally allowed himself to relax and sleep to rebuild his energy that had been lost to his seizure earlier that day. She listened to his heartbeat, the thunder in his chest mixing with the crashing waves outside of their hideout like the most beautiful kind of storm she'd ever heard.

She waited for him to wake up on his own, feeling him start to come out of his slumber just as the sun was starting to set and turn the sky to a wonderful painting. "How was your nap?" She asked, looking up to see the sunset reflected in his eyes.

He smiled, kissing her head with the joy of her staying by his side as he slept. "Safe…"

Claire watched as his eyes changed from the color of apple cider, to the orange of fall leaves with the sunset. "You're always safe with me." She gently touched his jaw, amazed that he let her fingers brush over his neck without flinching away.

He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch to show how much he trusted her. "My fire…" He whispered.

She kissed him, not a kiss of puppy love, but one of comfort and trust… the kind that her parents shared when they thought they were alone. "My flame."


	112. Chapter 112

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twelve**

Claire woke in the middle of the night to John's quiet moans of pain, slowly crawling out of her bed to check on him. She knocked on his door, knowing how much he valued his privacy and how he liked to have a warning that someone was coming inside. She pushed the door open, looking at John's body as he curled into the fetal position with Clarissa pressing a cool cloth to his head. "What's wrong?" She asked, crawling onto the bed beside John and taking over trying to cool his temperature.

Clarissa breathed a sigh, pressing her hand between John's abdomen and his thighs that were tucked tight to his body. "It's bad…" She stated, feeling how the soft portion of his stomach tightened with every strained breath and whimper of pain. "I'm not sure what caused it though."

Claire nodded, watching as his face screwed up in pain. "Maybe if we got some heat on him that would help." She brushed her fingers through his hair, trying to coax him back to sleep.

"He's too hot… and I'm afraid to use anymore heat on him." She motioned to the heating pad on the foot of his bed, moving her hand to let Claire see the red skin of his stomach. "I don't want it to burn him."

"Did you try the peppermint tea?" She asked, knowing that usually helped with his stomach issues.

"I couldn't get him to drink it…" Clarissa lifted the cup of tea; the drink having gone ice cold. "I'm wondering if it might be something more serious than we think…"

John gave a short cry as he felt something burn inside of him. "Hurts…" He croaked, his hands moving lower on his hips as the burning moved toward his groin. "Burns…"

Clarissa's brow furrowed, placing her hands on either side of his body and pressing her fingers into his stomach, finding a small hard circle just above where his bladder was placed. "I found it. It's a kidney stone." She forced him to sit up, looping his arm over her shoulder as she led him to the bathroom. "Let's see if we can get you to pass it."

John groaned, relieved that she was helping him to the bathroom so that he could at least take a piss. Though he knew it would burn and hurt like hell. He stopped at the toilet, pulling his sweatpants down as Clarissa filled a glass of water to try and get more fluid into him to make him pee more and pass the stone faster. He took the chance to relieve himself, his face screwing up in pain as his insides burned as the stone moved. "Fuck…." He breathed, yelping as a sharp pain burned before he was able to finish peeing.

Clarissa opened her eyes as he finished, smiling at the little black stone in the toilet relieved that he'd passed it without needing to be knocked out and taken to a urologist to have it taken care of. "That's it."

John leaned his head on her shoulder, letting her guide him back to bed as he sipped on the glass of water, she'd given him. "Hurt…"

She nodded, taking the glass from him and tucking him into the bed beside Claire as her daughter snuggled up to him. "I know baby… I used to get them a lot. Especially when I was pregnant with Claire and was craving those Tums acid reducers."

Claire shushed her, pointing to John's sleeping form as he began to snore. "Did he pass it?" She asked, kissing his neck as his arm twitched as a reaction from whatever he was dreaming about.

Clarissa nodded, touching John's stomach again to see if there were any others that she might be able to feel. "Yeah… he did." She kissed their heads, turning John's lamp out as she headed back to bed. "You going to sleep in here?" She asked, yawning as her daughter shook her head.

"I'll keep an eye on him." Claire smiled, resting her head on John's chest as she began to dose off. "I'll come get you if anything weird happens."

Clarissa stretched her arms over her head, turning down the hall back to she and Thomas's room. "Goodnight."


	113. Chapter 113

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirteen**

The next day, school seemed to pass in a blur. John sat through every class in complete silence, occasionally dosing off or choosing to doodle a half-assed drawing in his notebook. Finally, the bell rang and he could escape this prison. He stopped at Claire's last class of the day, waiting as long as he could stand before he walked in and grabbed her hand. Despite the fact that he would probably get cleared to drive on Monday, he still needed her to give him a ride to work.

Claire chuckled, seeing the pent-up energy coursing through him. "Someone's feeling better today."

John wrinkled his nose at her, sticking his tongue out.

Claire smirked, taking his tongue between her lips like he sometimes did. She could taste the mint of his gum and the tea that Clarissa had made for him that morning, the mint mixing with his natural flavor. She felt him kiss her, his lips warm and chapped against hers. She could feel a little scab on the lower one where it had cracked when he'd bitten it the night before.

John pressed closer to her, placing his hands just below her shoulder blades where the strap to her bra rested. He slipped his fingers under the strap, wishing that her shirt wasn't in the way so he could undo it -though he had no idea how a bra actually worked. He moaned as she pushed her tongue farther into his mouth, letting her feel him as he felt her.

She pulled back slightly, letting her hands slip into his back pockets. "Do you even know how a bra clasp works?" She asked, giggling as his fingers fumbled as he messed with it.

He gave her a fake glare, his thick brows dropping lower over his eyes.

She shook her head, giving his butt a little squeeze before turning to go to the car. "Come on. You're gonna be late." She picked up her pace as he jogged toward her, telling him she wanted to race without using the words.

John shook his head, letting his long legs eat up the ground as he ran. His shadow flew over the pavement, the feeling of the wind in his hair making him feel freer than he'd ever been in his life. He smiled, knowing that even though he needed to be grounded in life, that he was still able to fly.

Claire watched as he kicked up his pace even more, taking in the joy on his face as he sprinted past her. She gave a little grin, noticing how he almost seemed to fly over the ground; realizing for the first time that he was her wings and she was his anchor. She was the one who kept him calm and safe, the one who held him to his home and kept him from being lost in the storm… and he was the one who let her fly and be free, he was her wings and the air that carried her to new lands.


	114. Chapter 114

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fourteen**

John pressed a kiss to Claire's nose as they pulled up to his work, making sure he had his water bottle and a few other small things he might need. "Love you." He smirked, opening his door and jogging into the shop.

Claire waited for a moment, making sure he was okay before she drove the rest of the way home. She knew that Amelia would be crushed that John hadn't picked her up from school today, but at least John could take her somewhere fun when he got off.

John clocked in, before Lee gave him the grand tour. "Chad!" He waved a young man over, patting him on the shoulder. "This is John, he's our new mechanic. I've got some paperwork to fill out, so I'll let you take over training him."

John held his hand out to shake Chad's in greeting. "Call me… Bender." He croaked, his voice still struggling to recover from being blown out.

Chad smiled, noticing that John was a rough looking kid, the kind that would fit right in with the rest of the guys. "Welcome to the team. I'm Chad Cook. Lee and Bridget are my folks, so I get to train a lot of the new guys."

John nodded, walking with him through the shop as he showed him where the tools were and everything else that he might need.

Chad held his finger up as the back phone rang, answering the call. "Hey, this is Chad Cook with Cook's auto. What can I do for you today?" His brows raised a little as he listened to the other person on the line. "The odds are that good?" He was silent for a moment, pulling out his wallet to show a few hundred-dollar bills. "Yeah man, put me down for six bills."

John did a quick tally of the money in the wallet, noticing that there was only three hundred at most.

"Yeah, come by later tonight and I'll get the cash to you." He nodded, at something the other man said, licking his lips a little. "Yeah, Frankie's here too. No. He quit smoking and drinking after he knocked up Julia, he doesn't deal that shit anymore." Chad barked a laugh. "Yeah, that'd be rich! My old man paying him more for the shit jobs he does? Hell, he can barely change the oil in a Subaru. Pop just keeps him on because that damn girl. I tell you… Dad's a sucker for anyone going through a tough time." Chad smirked, before he said goodbye and hung up the line. "Sorry about that, personal call. That's all we use this phone for. It's mostly a way for family to get ahold of us if anything's wrong, like if Frank's chick goes into labor or some shit, she can call him from the hospital." He motioned to a muscular brunet who was fumbling with something under the hood of a blue Chevy pickup. "Frank!" He pointed to John, not seeing the way his muscles tightened when his eyes landed on the little skull-shaped scar on Frank's left cheek. "This is John. Maybe if you pay attention, he can help teach you what a steering wheel is." He barked a cruel laugh, ignoring the way John shrunk away in fear. "Come on, I'll show you where we keep the impossible projects. It's kind of a tradition to spend your first couple days getting pissed off at them before we let you work on the real jobs."

John followed Chad to another part of the garage, locking his gaze on Frank to make sure he was the man who'd mugged him and taken his notebook that night he'd spent at the diner.


	115. Chapter 115

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifteen**

Frank slowly walked into the part of the shop that John was in, looking around for the teen. "John?" He stepped back as John tensed, not missing the ring on his index finger that had bitten him with John's last punch.

John lifted his gaze, and Frank could see the way his eyes darkened to pitch-black.

Frank didn't miss the way John's muscles tightened, the ridges and lines in his skin becoming more noticeable with the oil and grease that had gathered in the valleys where his muscles dipped under his flesh. "I… I wanted to talk to you… about that night when I stole your notebook." He shrunk back as John stood to his full height, seeing that even with his bad leg and scrawny build he was a big kid. His shoulders were thick and broad, his chest had obviously been damaged fairly recently, and his thin hips and long arms would make him a formidable opponent if he was actually expecting a fight. "Leon put me up to it. He's crooked… I got busted on a drug deal gone wrong back when Julia first got pregnant, and he told me he'd help me out if I did a few chores for him." He took a step toward John, easing his way over to the kid in hopes he didn't earn himself another hit. "The only reason I did that was because he paid me to get the book. He thought you had some lists of dealers or some shit in it and he also wanted to make sure it wasn't like a diary or anything like a tally list of the notches in your bedpost."

John nodded, keeping quiet as he leaned back over the vehicle he was working on. "I don't have a notch in my bedpost." He stated, swallowing as his throat protested. "I have an arrow in my heart."

Frank chuckled, watching as John ripped a wire bundle from the cars engine and tossed it oved his shoulder before he started messing with things that Frank never would have guessed was in the old junker. "She the one who gave you that earring?"

John nodded, placing his hipbones on the radiator of the truck and balancing himself so that his feet lifted off of the ground and he could reach the back of the engine. "I'm gonna put it in her ring when I propose next summer on her birthday."

Frank smiled, wishing that he could afford even a wedding license for he and Julia. "You're lucky to be able to afford a wedding."

John looked up at the man, pointing to a set of tools on the work bench. "So, you're gonna be a dad?"

Frank gave a sad smile, knowing that he could barely make ends meet for he and Julia. "Yeah… I'm not sure if I can be a good one though…"

John cursed, pulling his hand out of the engine to show that his knuckles were bloody and cut up. "Fuck…" He wiped the blood from his hand, lifting his dark eyes to look at Frank. "Bet you'll be a hell of a lot better than my old man was."

Frank's gaze drifted to the scars on John's arms, noticing that some were burns, and others had obviously been cuts, there was even one spot where it looked like the skin had been taken clean off like an animal's hide when it was prepared for butcher. "He did that?"

John nodded, knowing that he had to give his voice a break for a while. He touched his throat, trying to tell him that he couldn't speak anymore.

Frank seemed to get the idea and went back to his project of changing some poor lady's flat tire. "He must've been one sick man to do that."

John placed the headphones to Andy's Walkman on his ears, cranking the music up as loud as it would go as he pulled a few ruined parts from the engine block and walked over to one of the machines to try and fix them. "Sicker than a snake."


	116. Chapter 116

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixteen**

Chad looked up as the sound of a car starting echoed through the shop, looking toward the wing that John was in to see him revving the engine. "What the fuck?" He walked over to the kid, taking in the proud look on his grease covered face. "How the hell did you get this running?" He asked, knowing that this truck had several parts missing and others that were so roached that it would have taken a miracle to get it running again.

John grinned, tossing him the keys as he climbed over into the passenger seat.

"You don't want to drive it?" Chad asked, opening the door and starting the car up again.

John nodded, as if to say he wanted to, but held up his license showing that it was stamped with the word 'void' cut into the plastic.

"Oh… That's right. Medical restrictions, right?"

John gave a thumbs up, as if to tell him he was right on. "Seizures." He stated, his voice grating in his throat.

Chad remembered the one he'd seen on the news, knowing that there had to have been worse ones before that. "My old man told me you were drugged… that true?"

John nodded, the fuzzy images of what had happened after he'd been drugged swimming before his eyes. He could vaguely feel Thomas and Paul pulling him off of Brian, the way he'd screamed and fought against them still a dark shadow in his mind. "Yeah…"

Chad looked at the kid, knowing that he was the youngest person he'd ever met to be a victim of a meth drugging… he'd never had an addiction to anything that he knew of, but he knew that meth was almost impossible to kick. "That's fucked up." He shifted the truck into reverse, backing out of the shop as he listened to the beautiful purr of the motor. "How did you deal with the withdrawals?" He asked, knowing that withdrawals could be a killer in themselves.

John pulled his wallet out, taking out a photo of Claire to show him. "Sweets."

Chad smiled, the memory of what his dad had told him about this kid surfacing. "That's your girl, huh?" He chuckled at the huge grin on Claire's face, noticing how she seemed to be laughing. "She's pretty."

John smirked, placing the photo back in his wallet. "She saved me."

Chad looked at the boy, taking in the circles under his eyes and how thin he was. "You're a lucky kid, John." He smiled, reaching out to touch the kid but stopping when he shied away. "I had a buddy die because of that shit… who knows what could have happened to you."

"Me too…" He shuddered as the image of Sid's body, swollen with rot and decay, flashed in his mind. "I owe Sweets my life…"

Chad looked at the kid, noticing how his muscles tightened. "You okay, there kid?"

John nodded, going silent as Chad drove, his body eventually giving into the need for sleep as they tested the car out to se how good John's handy work really was.


	117. Chapter 117

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventeen**

Chad smiled as John began to snore in the passenger seat as they drove, knowing that the recovery process had to be taking a lot out of this kid, mostly his energy. It was hard to imagine a child going through what he had, but the hardships he'd faced were plain to see; though he was only seventeen, he looked as though he could be in his mid-twenties, his eyes holding more pain and suffering than anyone ever wanted to see in a child. He thought about his own kids, remembering their heartbreak when he and his ex had told them about the divorce. He looked over as John whimpered in his sleep, seeing fear and pain on his face. "Hey, Bender." He gently nudged the kid awake, smiling as his dark eyes fluttered open when they pulled into the parking lot for Vinny's. "Want something to eat?" He asked, knowing that he was too thin, and having orders from his own mother to try and put weight on him.

John rubbed his eyes, stretching his limbs out until the muscles began to shake with relief from their cramped positioning. "Sure…"

Chad's brow furrowed, noticing that the kid didn't really seem that hungry. "How about a milkshake?"

John smiled sleepily, nodding at the idea of actually being allowed to eat sugar for once. "Yeah."

Chad chuckled, knowing that with the extra cream Vinny always put in the shakes that if John had them on a regular basis, he would start putting weight on in no time. "Come on, I'll introduce you."

Vinny chuckled as John sucked down the milkshake, looking over at Chad as he chowed down on his burger. "Kid acts like he's never had ice cream in his life."

Chad smiled, letting John steal one of his French fries. "Don't all kids act that way?" He laughed, pushing his plate toward John as he stuffed the last of his burger into his mouth.

Vinny shook his head as he watched John pour massive amounts of ketchup on the fries, noticing that his hands were scarred and his arms weren't much better. "You want another shake, kiddo?"

John shook his head, his stomach already unsettled from how sweet the drink had been. "No, thanks."

"How about a slice of cake?" Chad asked, hoping to get some weight on the kid.

"No, thanks." He pressed a hand to his stomach, trying to tell them that he was already full. "Stuffed."

Chad nodded, looking at his watch. "Well, we better get back to the shop. I gotta show you how to close since you've got the mechanic part down." He pushed out of his chair, laying a few bills of cash on the counter. "Thanks Vinny."

Vinny smiled, waving at the pair as they left his deli. "See you two later." He chuckled, noticing John's limp as he left. "Wonder what that kid went through…" He knew that John couldn't have had a good childhood from the signs on him, the scars, limp, and lack of fat show that clear enough… he just hoped that the kid was safe now.


	118. Chapter 118

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighteen**

John counted up his drawer, keeping an eye on Chad while he closed out the big bills, seeing him slip a few hundreds from the pile and stuff them in his pocket. He turned back to his job, wondering what that phone call had really been about…

Chad stuffed the rest of the bills into a deposit bag, before he clocked out and let John follow him out. "You need a ride home?" He asked, jumping when a black Toyota pulled up.

John shook his head, grinning as a little redheaded girl climbed out of the car. "Sweets!"

Claire crossed her arms over her chest, biting her lower lip as she saw how excited John was to see her. "Hey, Sugar." She chuckled, giving him a kiss when he wrapped her in a hug. "How was your day?" She asked, opening her eyes to see his loving gaze.

John kissed her nose, tracing his fingers over her freckled cheeks and into her fiery hair. "Good."

Chad smiled at the pair, able to see how even though John was exhausted from his day of work and school, that he perked right up like he'd had hours of sleep and six cups of coffee. "You must be Claire." He held his hand out to Claire, shaking it in greeting. "I'm Chad, Lee and Bridget's kid."

Claire nodded, letting John peek into the backseat of her car. "Nice to meet you." She heard John shush her, knowing that he'd seen Amelia sleeping in the backseat. "He was well behaved today, right?"

Chad laughed, watching as John opened the back of Claire's car and lifted a half-asleep child into his arms, seeing how the little girl clutched his shirt in a little fist. "He was great." He saw John yawn as the kid rested her head on his chest. "I'd say he needs a rest though."

Claire nodded, fully aware that John's battery had probably run out of juice a few hours ago if not sooner. "Yeah… he usually takes a nap after school, so I'll bet he's gonna pass out soon as he sits down."

Chad remembered John's short nap while they were testing out how he'd done fixing up the old Chevy pickup. "I'll bet we can work something out so he doesn't get too tired out. We don't want him to get sick or something."

Claire turned as John gave a quiet cough, knowing that it was only from the fall breeze blowing in from the ocean and that the salty air was kind of hard on his throat. "Yeah… don't make him sick. He has a hard-enough time getting out of bed somedays as it is." She remembered how hard it had been for him to crawl out of bed that morning, how he'd had to down two Advil and about four cups of coffee before he was even able to even able to leave the house. "I don't like to see him like that."

Chad agreed, seeing how John seemed to be nodding off as he leaned against the car. "I wouldn't either…"

Claire took John's arm, helping him into the passenger seat and letting Amelia climb into the back. "Let's get you sleepy-head's home." She smiled at Chad, waving to him as he walked over to another man in the parking lot. "Thanks Chad."

He chuckled, watching as the kid's left the lot and started toward their home. "Good kids." He turned to the other man in the parking lot, handing him the hundred-dollar-bills he'd taken from the register that night. "Bet it all for me… but keep it on the down low so that my old man doesn't find out."

The man nodded, taking the cash and handing him a paper that had the odds for his gamble on it. "You got it man. Just make sure you're at the track on Saturday to see the dogs."


	119. Chapter 119

**Chapter One-Hundred and Nineteen**

Claire walked with John through the front door to the house, rubbing Amelia's back as John pulled her coat and boots off. "Is she sleeping with you tonight?" She asked, knowing that John always tried to make sure Amelia got as much time with him as everyone else.

John nodded, his jaw stretching in a wide yawn as he kicked his own shoes off and started up the stairs. "Yeah…"

Claire smiled, as he carried the child to his room, imagining him as a young father with their own child. "I'll see you in the morning."

John placed Amelia under the covers of his bed, brushing her hair out of her face as he began to unbutton his shirt and get ready for bed. He smiled as she rolled over on his pillows, seeing her hug the stuffed owl he'd started keeping in there to her chest. He snuck out of the room on silent feet, walking over to the bathroom across the hall to brush his teeth and clean his face up so he didn't get grease all over his bed. He wet a washcloth under the faucet, rubbing a little of his face cleanser onto the cloth and scrubbing it over the portion of his face that wasn't covered with his beard. He watched as the black oil and grease disappeared, showing his natural dark skin and the lightening circles under his eyes. He could still see the effects of the meth on his face, his skin duller than it used to be, the circles under his eyes, and how he looked like he hadn't slept in years despite the fact that he felt like he'd been doing nothing but sleeping for the last few months.

He'd noticed that he tired out faster since he'd been drugged, and he hated that he could never control when he was going to pass out and when he was wide awake. He'd spent whole days asleep, and three days at a time wide awake and unable to wind down enough to even catch a few seconds of rest. Somedays he needed six cups of coffee to even get out of bed, and others he would be up at three AM without an alarm going off.

Clarissa poked her head into the bathroom, walking inside when she saw how John was looking at his reflection. "Hey…" She touched John's shoulder, feeling the thin scars just above his shoulder blade. "What's the matter?"

John leaned on the counter, running his thumbs over a dark line in the marble top. "I want this to be done…"

She nodded, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "It will be soon. You just have to give it time." She smiled, running her fingers into his hair. "You might not see it, but you're improving every day. A few months ago, you were so sick that I was afraid for your life every time you closed your eyes." She touched the circles under his eyes, remembering how dark they had been. "I never told anyone about this besides Tommy… but I lost my youngest child to a miscarriage when Claire was two, and I think that God brought you to us to help us heal that wound." She wiped a tear from her eyes. "And I was so scared that I would lose you too."

John turned to look at her, his dark eyes showing the pain he felt at her words. "That's why you didn't let me give up…"

Clarissa pulled his head down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You have so much more life to give, and you've got more love than I've ever seen in a boy your age." She watched as tears started to brim in his eyes, his lashes getting weighed down with the water. "You may not see it, but you are stronger than you think, and you have that love in your heart. You don't know it's there, but it is. You just need to learn to let it out and allow yourself to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt. And believe me, you will get hurt. There will be lots of heartbreak, but no matter what, we're here for you." She brushed a tear from his cheek, gasping when he swept her in a bone-crushing hug. "I may not have given birth to you, but you are my child, and I will help you through every trial and every fight you face. No matter what it is."

John hugged her closer, feeling her fingers trace over the skin of his back. He smiled as he breathed her scent, the scent he'd come to know as safety and security, the scent that a mother should have of cinnamon and apples. "Can you take this fight away?" He whimpered, hearing her sigh as she leaned her head against his ear.

"I wish I could baby… I really do… but this one is completely up to you. All I can do is let you lay with me and Thomas when they get bad, and hold you close when you hurt." She let him hold her as long as he needed to, never trying to push him away, even when he squeezed her tight enough to send a pain through her back. "But our door is always open to you. No matter what we will always be here, and anytime you need us we will help."

John nodded, his mind starting to haze in and out between sleep and fighting to stay awake. "Bed…" He yawned, letting her guide him to his bed and tuck him in like a small child who'd just had a bedtime story read to him and a big glass of warm milk.

Clarissa kissed his head, brushing his hair back as he slowly drifted to sleep. "Goodnight, Pumpkin." She whispered, gently rubbing his bicep as he began to snore. "Sweet dreams baby…" She turned his lamp out, leaving his door open as she walked downstairs to speak with Asher about what he'd found out about the boys' pasts while he'd been in Chicago for the last few days. "I love you."


	120. Chapter 120

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty**

Clarissa looked at the mug shots that Asher had found of John and Dominic, noticing that they couldn't have been more than fourteen. "They were so young…" She took another photo from the man, able to see that John had a black eye and was missing a few of his baby teeth after a fight when he was in elementary school.

Asher nodded, holding out a criminal report on John when he'd gotten caught spray painting the words 'fuck life' on the side of the bank. "Reminds me of their father's. Those two were the bad ones out of us three… when I was in my room studying engineering, they were out doing things a lot like this."

Clarissa looked at the reports and photo's that Asher had shown her, shaking her head with the idea of what the boys had done. "They've come a long way…" She met Asher's dark gaze, seeing just a hint of John in his eyes. "Was Jacob always like that… I mean-"

Asher shook his head, lacing his fingers and leaning his elbows on his knees. "No… when we were in high school, he and Rueben were in a bad car wreck with a semi and they ended up in intensive care for about ten months and were in PT for another year… they were never the same after that…" He remembered the night that Beverly had shown up at his house, bloody and bruised. "Jake and Bev were already married by senior year… and after the wreck… Jake just wasn't right… Bev started sleeping around, and that was when something snapped. She tried to sleep with me a few times, but I never let her. Jake changed and since he was the oldest of us, Rueben followed in his steps. He thought that Juanita would start cheating on him like Bev, so he locked her up until he was able to get her knocked up with Dominic… after that she developed some kind of mental disorder and she just… let him do whatever he wanted to her." He touched one of the lines in his wrist and Clarissa could see a small birthmark in the shape of Europe. "They both changed… and after a while, I decided I couldn't stay there. I would have taken John and Dom with me… but I thought for sure that they would die… if I'd known that they would survive even to be a year old…" He hung his head, thinking about how horrible it must've been for the boys. "I never would have left them…"

Clarissa touched his hands, trying to comfort the man before her. "You didn't know." She looked at an old yellowed photo of John and Dominic, knowing that behind their bright smiles, they were hiding an overwhelming amount of pain that no child should ever have to feel. "They'll come around… they just need time…" She remembered Dominic's behavior when John had popped his stitches after surgery, how he hadn't let anyone but those he knew could help near his cousin. "John's just going through a lot right now… and Dominic thinks it's his job to protect him. Those boys are so used to leaning on each other, that they don't know how to let other people in and let them help. But they'll come around soon enough."

Asher nodded, taking a drink of his soda before he continued to share what he'd found out on his trip. "Apparently, John also has a link with a murder case… but they were never quite able to tie it up to him." He showed her a photo of the man who'd been killed less than a mile from John's home. "His feet were sliced and he had broken ribs, and the back of his skull was fractured." He pointed to the image of the man's blood covered feet. "This move was used by a lot of people in that neighborhood. It's used as a protection move, it's to keep the victim from going to the cops. I doubt that John would have known how to cause this damage when he was this age… but from what I've gauged about the boys, it's entirely possible that they could have known something about the idea of it."

Clarissa nodded, remembering what John had told her about the burns on his feet and legs. "John knew about it." She met Asher's gaze, praying that John would forgive her for what she said next. "When he was in the middle of his freshman year, he was jumped by a gang… they burned his legs and feet so he couldn't run to the cops."

Asher's eyes widened, realizing what those scars had been from for the first time. "Who found him?"

Clarissa gave a sad smile. "He went to Dominic's house and he and a couple friends cleaned him up… but he doesn't remember much of it." She wiped a tear from her eye, noticing that Asher seemed to be going into his shell, much like John did when he was hit with something suddenly. "He doesn't like people to know about his scars… so, if you wouldn't tell him what I said…"

Asher nodded, remembering the image of John's scarred back and the line through his eyebrow. "Your secret's safe with me."


	121. Chapter 121

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-One**

Claire tiptoed past John's room, peeking inside to see him holding Amelia close to his chest as they slept. She could see that for once he was dreaming of nice things, the years of pain and suffering melting away from his features letting him look like the seventeen-year-old he was. She smiled, leaning on the doorframe as he stirred, knowing that he was happy in this new life he'd taken on. She'd noticed that in the last few months, his temper had faded, and he'd even become more trusting of her father. He didn't shy away from physical contact as much, and he'd even been letting Vernon be in the same room alone with him now. She didn't know why he'd never allowed that to happen before, she knew that he'd never liked Vernon very much to begin with, but it'd seemed to get worse after he'd locked him in that closet in detention. Who knew what had gone on inside of that room, but she knew that John had been on edge around the older man ever since.

John shifted, slowly waking up with the need to go to the bathroom. He rubbed his eyes, smiling at Claire as she stood in his doorway. "Hey, Sweets."

Claire pushed off of his doorframe, walking farther into the room and brushing her fingers through his hair as he pushed into a sitting position on the edge of his bed. "Hey, Sugar." She kissed his forehead, giggling as he buried his face in her chest.

He moaned as he breathed her scent, the sweet smell of vanilla and melted sugar. He pulled her onto his lap, letting her thighs straddle his hips as he looked into her dark eyes, able to see the whole universe in those pools. "If we were married, I would take you right now." He whispered, kissing her neck.

She ducked her head, looking at her baggy sweatpants and the old stained sweatshirt she'd been wearing since she was fifteen. "I look like shit." She mumbled, letting him pull her closer to his body.

He shook his head, touching her cheek and cupping her face in his hand. "You look beautiful." He smiled, not bothering to fight the burn in his loins at the thought of her. "I wouldn't change a single thing about you."

She pushed away from him, able to feel his hard between her legs. "Even my flat chest?"

John stood, placing his hands on her sides. "I love everything about you." He smirked, kissing her nose. "Besides, when I get you pregnant, they'll get bigger."

Claire roller her eyes, wondering if John really wanted kids, or if he was only willing to give them to her because she wanted to have them. "Do you really want kids?"

John sighed, still unsure as to exactly what he wanted. "I want kids… but I don't want to turn into Jacob… I don't want to fuck them up." He met her gaze, his dark eyes showing his fear and pain at the memories.

Claire nodded, thinking about how cruel his father had been. "If you're not ready… I'll take the pill until you are."

John gave a small smile, knowing that there were also other options that didn't involve medications. "I can use condoms too." He laced his fingers with hers pressing a kiss to her hand. "I don't want you to take pills so that I don't impregnate you before we're ready."

She touched his cheek, feeling the soft beard on his face. "I don't mind… it stops my periods so I'd rather take them."

John shook his head. "It's hormones. Hormones are just as good as the shit I did."

"But if I don't get my period, we can do it a lot more."

He chucked, shaking his head. "Condoms. End of discussion." He dropped her hand, walking to the bathroom and closing the door so he could relieve himself. "Besides, that way we know it's safe sex until I get tested to see if I've got any shit that I shouldn't from those damn drugs."

Claire rolled her eyes, remembering what she'd overheard Ryan and her parents talking about the tests that they would have to do to make sure John was healthy and the ones that were required by law for him to be able to drive again. "Ryan was talking about one test that they might need to do for you to get cleared… but it would mean a needle going into your spine. But he was saying that they can look for other things if you wanted to."

John opened the door, curious about exactly what kind of tests they would have to do. "What else?"

She shrugged, seeing his worry in those eyes that she'd come to love so much. "I only heard that little bit."

He sighed, looking into his room as a small sound escaped Amelia. "I wish they would just tell me what the fuck they're gonna do." He smiled as Amelia, crawling into the bed as she reached for him. "Hey, Squirt." He mumbled, fighting off his natural fear as she hugged his neck. "What's the matter?"

Claire sat in the bed, brushing her fingers through the child's hair as she began to cry into John's shoulder. "Bad dream?"

Amelia nodded, trying to take comfort in the older teen's presence. She breathed John's scent, remembering their night of terror in that old house. She could still see him bloody and bruised when the bad people had dragged him through the door to the room she was inside of, remembering the grunts of pain that had come from him when they'd kicked his body until he gave them the phone number for Clarissa and Thomas's home. She could still hear the cruel laughter that had come from them when John had finally broken, the image of John's beaten body weakly struggling to get to her as she'd cried flashing in her mind. "John…" She sobbed, feeling him hold her closer, and lay her on the mattress with Claire cuddling up to her back as the young man curled around her protectively.

He shushed her, wiping her tears from her cheeks as he tried to stop her fear. He met Claire's gaze, blaming himself for the trauma this child had been forced to live with. "It'll be okay Muffin… Shh… I'm okay." He pulled his blankets over her little body, pressing her head to his chest so she could hear his heart. He wasn't sure why, but his heartbeat always calmed her down. "I'm okay…"

Claire gave a broken smile, turning out the lamp on the side of the bed she always slept on, snuggling into the bed as she listened to the child's cries start to fade and eventually letting herself fall into a deep sleep in the comforting embrace of John's arms. She smiled at her boyfriend's moonlit face, noticing the cool tones in his skin that seemed to make him glow like something from a fantasy story. She listened as his breathing changed, his inhales becoming deeper and more even as he fell asleep. "I love you…" She whispered, closing her eyes and making herself at home in his bed.


	122. Chapter 122

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Two**

Clarissa handed John a bag full of his favorite foods for lunch, kissing his head as he pulled on his jacket. "Don't be a pain for Mr. Anderson today." She looked into his eyes, making sure he got the message. "And remember to get home before that storm hits. I don't want you catching cold in the rain." She touched his cheek, remembering the last time he'd gotten cold enough that his shivering sent physical pains through his body. "If you need someone to give you a ride ask. But don't risk getting sick."

John smirked, wrapping her in a hug that he'd seen Andy and Brian use with their mothers a million times, the hug that only a son could give. "I'll be fine." He smirked, giving Claire a peck on the lips as he passed her in her half-asleep zombie mode. "Love you." He whispered, rubbing his fingers over her cheeks.

She hummed her reply, kissing his fingers as he touched her lips. "Don't tear up anymore books." She yawned, noticing that his hands were covered with his leather gloves. "I love you."

John chuckled, closing the door behind him as he listened to the chaos that always echoed in the house fade to silence as he walked. He took a deep breath, the sharp tang of the sea filling his nose. He could smell the storm that was brewing out at sea, able to tell that it would be a big one. He let the wind ruffle his growing hair, feeling as free as he had since he'd been drugged. He didn't have anyone tailing him for once, not even Amelia or Claire. He was all on his own. A lone-wolf once again. He'd spent months trying to get away from them, just to get the high of freedom. But every time he'd gotten close, he would glance back, and see that they were there.

He'd hated it. As a kid and a young teen, he'd always been the one keeping an eye on everyone else, but now… now he was the one being watched and guarded at all times.

He listened to the sounds of the new neighborhood, thinking of how odd it was to not hear screams and gunshots, but to hear birds and children playing in their yards.

* * *

John slipped into a chair in the library of the school, placing a notebook on the table in front of him. He sighed, leaning his head on the back of the chair, as he listened to the sounds of the room. He could hear Toby's aggravated breathing, the way the air moved around the shelves, he could hear the lights buzzing with electricity high overhead.

"You fucking junky." Toby growled, standing from his seat and pulling John's chair from under him.

John gave a short gasp of pain as his tailbone collided with the hard floor. "Shit." He laid on his side for a second, letting his body recover from the shock to his system before he stood and tried to make himself comfortable again. "I know you put the dope in my locker dipshit." He rolled his eyes, rubbing his lower back as the muscles tried to tighten and cause him more pain. "I know that smell, and I could smell it on you."

Toby blanched, his California tan paling at the thought of John knowing what he did. "You can't prove shit." He snapped, jumping when John lifted his letterman from the back of the chair he'd been in, and brought it to his nose.

John shook his head, his lungs aching for that smoke. "Listen man, if you're gonna smoke this shit, learn to do your own laundry, and save a little cash up for a batch of the good shit." He tossed the jacket to him. "If it smells that strong, it wasn't grown right and it probably has pesticides and other shit on it. But, if it smells like hay, it's the good stuff." He pulled a joint from the pocket, expertly opening it with his fingernails to show the brown cannabis. "See, this shit, is from a half-assed grower. It's been fucked up."

Toby looked at the kid, seeing the fight going on inside of his head. "I got that in the hood. Isn't that where you go to get the good stuff?"

John shook his head, remembering the trips he'd taken to the rich parts of town just to get good drugs. "You just think that because dealers are easy to find. Believe me, good end of town is where to get it. That's where the big bucks are." He clenched his jaw, pulling out a small bag of bright green weed. "I got this on the way here, I spent forty bucks on this much." He placed it on the table. "It's not even enough for a full joint. A full joint is another gram."

Toby furrowed his brow, seeing for the first time what this kid fought against. "Why did you buy it if it's not enough for a joint?" He asked, not understanding why he'd spend the cash just to get a little bit.

John breathed a laugh, pulling a pinch from the little bag. "To prove to myself that I can stay sober." He held the pot just beyond his lips, far enough to smell it but not taste it or get a high. "If I can have this on me and not chew it, I can recover."

Toby nodded, seeing a shadow of want behind John's eyes, as he fought against his craving. "You really do wanna get clean, huh?"

John chuckled, placing the weed back in the plastic bag. "I've never wanted anything more in my life."


	123. Chapter 123

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Three**

Toby watched as John leaned over his notebook, noticing how he seemed to have gone into his own world he could hear a tune rumbling in his throat. "You're still gonna sing?" He asked, seeing how John jumped as if he'd forgotten he was there.

"I can't stop. No matter how beaten up my voice gets, I will always sing." He smiled, tapping out a beat with his pen. "It's like I can get a high off of the music, and I can fly on the notes." He shook his head, slipping his fingers into the wristband of his watch.

Toby nodded, noticing how John wiggled in his chair like he wanted to move around. "What exactly made you want to do drugs?" He asked, watching John's body freeze. "It's just… your life seems so perfect… you've got your girl, a huge family… what happened?"

John heaved a breath, shaking his head as he fought the memories flooding into his mind. "My folks were fucked up…" He breathed a laugh, meeting Toby eyes as he continued. "My old man beat my mom every day until she got pregnant, after that he threatened to kill her before she could give birth to me… when I turned six, he started beating me. He whipped me with a bike chain, broke almost every bone in my body, and choked me until I lost consciousness."

Toby's jaw went slack, noticing the scarring around John's neck for the first time. "Woah…"

"That's why I'm in foster care. My girlfriend took me to the hospital after he broke my ribs and they punctured my left lung." He pulled the hem of his shirt up, showing the twin scars from his surgeries. "After I got out of the hospital, I started my recovery… flunked the first night. Smoked half a pack of Marlboro Reds with a stitched-up lung, and hardly three hours out of the hospital." He wrapped a hand around his stomach as it gave him a pain, able to feel his fear knotting in his gut. "Excuse me." He pushed out of his chair, limping to the bathroom as his body told him it was going to empty itself.

He pushed the door open, walking into one of the stalls as his body began to heave. He could feel the bile rising in his throat, the choked sounds of his sick faintly reaching the ears of Principal Anderson whose office was only on the other side of the hall from the restroom.

Principal Anderson slowly stood from his desk, stepping toward the restroom to see if John needed help. He knew the kid rarely ate, and that he was far too thin for his own good, as well as the fact that he often got sick from over stimulation. "Johnathan?" He asked as he listened to John's last few wretches. "You alright?"

John spit the last of the vomit into the toilet, leaning back on the stall door as he struggled to regain his breath. "Fine." He croaked, wiping a tear from his face. "I'm fine." He glanced at his watch, seeing that it was only noon. "Would I be a baby if I said I wanted my Mom?" He asked, opening the door to see the older man before him.

Principal Anderson shook his head, handing the kid a paper towel to clean his face up. "Not at all." He smiled as John whipped his chin, noticing that his beard was well kept and groomed. "My son is twenty-one, and he still crawls into bed with my wife and I when he has nightmares."

John's eyes lifted to look at the man before him, confusion in those eyes. "Nightmares?"

He nodded, smiling as John let him touch his shoulder. "He was a foster child too. His father abandoned him when he was two, and his mother killed herself in front of him."

John swallowed, his body reaching fatigue as the adrenaline from his sick spell faded. "I want my Mom." He sighed, letting the Principal lead him back to the library.

He let the kid lean on him, guiding him to one of the sofa's in the back of the library to let him nap. "Rest. You need that strength."


	124. Chapter 124

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Four**

John yawned, rubbing his eyes as a warm hand touched his cheek. He gave a little smile as the vision of Clarissa standing over him swam into focus. "Mom?" He mumbled, noticing that her hair was drenched with water, and that her fingers were wet against his cheek. "What're you doing here?" He jumped as thunder boomed through the school. He let out a cry of fear, launching himself into Clarissa's arms as she ran her finger's through the back of his hair.

Clarissa shushed him, pressing a soft kiss to his head as he flinched at the noise of the storm outside. "We were evacuated to the school for the storm." She soothed, able to feel the fear coursing through his body. "Tell me what you're afraid of." She sat beside him on the sofa, taking his cheek in her hand as she looked into his brown eyes that were shot through with yellow.

"Jacob…" He choked, trying to focus on her and not the storm. "He… used to beat me in the storms… he-he used the thunder to, to hide my screams…" He swallowed, his muscles tensing as lightning flashed outside of the window. "He saved the worst ones for those days."

Clarissa nodded, letting him pull her closer as he seemed to go into a memory of what had been done to him. She let the memory ride itself out, knowing that there was nothing she could do to stop it from taking him. She could feel him jump with every imagined blow to him body, hear his whimpers of pain. His finger's dug into her back, and she knew that these memories were so much worse than what he'd allowed them to see before. She brushed his hair back from his ears, looking up at Claire as she walked through the library doors with Dominic and a handful of the others. "Memory…" She whispered, seeing the question in her daughter's eyes.

Claire nodded, placing her hand on John's shaking back and leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "Sugar, you're safe now." She breathed the words to him, just loud enough for him to be able to hear her through his flashback. "You're safe…" She smiled as his shaking slowed, and eventually faded to only the occasional tremor as he looked at her. "See? You're okay." She brushed a stray tear from his face, giving him a kiss before Principal Anderson's voice came over the speakers.

"Attention all Huntington High students and families, the coast guard has informed us that the storm will last through the night, and that everyone should stay here through the storm. All men and boys will be asked to please sleep in the gym, and all women and girls will stay in the library. Any farther questions will be met as soon as we get everyone settled in."

John's dark eyes met Claire's just as the lights went out, and they were left in the dark.


	125. Chapter 125

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Five**

John curled on his side as the storm raged outside. His heart pounded in his chest with every boom of thunder, and he almost thought that it would jump right out of his body. He listened to the other men in the gym as they snored through the night, the storm having the opposite effect on them as it did John. He tried to focus on Thomas laying beside him, tried to time his breathing with the older man's. He could feel the heat coming from his sleeping form, halfway tempted to curl up next to him, but he knew he'd be labeled as a fag if he did that. So, instead he decided to break the rules and find his Sweets.

He pressed his hand against the lockers, his body tense with fear as lightning cracked outside and thunder boomed. He could barely see in the dark that was left from the power outage, only getting glimpses of the new school that he still had to learn the ins and outs of. It'd taken years of detention for him to learn the layout of Shermer High, and even with his photographic memory he'd had trouble remembering every twist and turn.

He pushed the door to the library open, poking his head inside to see all the women sleeping inside. "Sweets?" He whispered, catching a glimpse of Claire's fiery hair in a flash of lightning. He tiptoed over to her, brushing his fingers over her side to wake her as gently as possible.

She rubbed her eyes, moaning as she looked up at John's face, able to see his fear in those eyes of his. "John?"

He nodded, flinching as another round of thunder shook the school. "Can't sleep."

She smiled, lifting her blanket up so that he could slip underneath it with her. She slipped her hand underneath his t-shirt, pressing her palm to his stomach and pushing her fingertips into the spots she'd found that always seemed to calm him. She could feel his lips against her collarbone, his breath fanning over the skin of her neck as he began to relax. She hummed quietly into his ear, feeling his hands press against her ribs just under her breasts. She knew that he was doing that for the vibrations in her chest and not to feel her boobs, he'd never let himself do anything sexual to her when he was being driven by emotions and she knew that was because he didn't want to use her as a distraction.

She kissed his cheek, feeling the soft hairs of his beard against her lips. "I love you." She whispered, brushing her fingers through his hair as she rubbed her thumb over his eyebrow. She could feel the scar where Joe Silverman had cut him, the night he'd been drugged.

John breathed a laugh, closing his eyes as he focused on Claire's touch. "Love you more."

She touched her finger to his mustache, giggling as he nipped at her hand. "Love you most."

He shook his head, feeling her heartbeat under his hands. "That's impossible." He yawned, finally letting himself relax enough to fall asleep.


	126. Chapter 126

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Six**

Clarissa stretched, looking over to where her daughter was curled under her blanket, the dark skin of John's arm looped over her side as he matched the curve of her body with his own. She smiled as she watched the slow rise and fall of his chest behind Claire's back, able to see that his fear was no longer controlling him but instead it was his love and comfort for Claire that was ruling over his mind.

"How can you smile at that?" Snapped Mrs. Hernandez, waving a hand at the sleeping teens. "It's not right!"

Clarissa glared at the woman, pulling her away from the young couple as John began to stir in his slumber and curl around Claire as if to protect her. "I am Claire's mother. If I am okay with them sleeping together like that, then they can. They know the rules and boundaries, that Thomas and I have set for them." She glanced over her shoulder as a small sound escaped John. "And until you know what John has lived through, _do not_ judge him."

"Hasn't he been known to sexually assault girls?" Mrs. Hernandez asked, motioning to John as he moved closer to Claire's body. "After all, with his past-"

"His past has nothing to do with it. John's past is in the past. But that is the only reason he came in here last night at all. His jackass of a father used to beat him in storms like the one last night. It may not be obvious to you, Mrs. Hernandez, but John has severe PTSD from his childhood, and I have always encouraged him to seek a family member out when he's in a bad place." Clarissa turned as John's voice called for her, able to see that he was just starting to wake up. "Don't judge my child, because of what people say about him. I am his mother, so if you have a problem with him, you come to me." She turned on her heel, kneeling beside John and Claire on the floor and brushing her fingers through his hair as he slowly came out of his slumber.

"Mom…" He smiled, resting his head on her lap as he realized that the storm had passed.

"Good morning, Pumpkin." She chuckled, feeling Claire roll over as she wrapped her arms around the boy's thin frame.

Mrs. Hernandez shook her head. "So perverted." She muttered, jumping as John shot to his feet.

"Mrs. Hernandez," he motioned to his jeans, pulling the flap that hid his zipper back to show that it was fully zipped up, "My fly is zipped, my jeans are buttoned, and we didn't even kiss on the mouth last night. What, may I ask, is so perverted about sleeping fully clothed with the woman I am going to marry?"

Mrs. Hernandez huffed, backing away as Clarissa moved toward her like a mother bear ready to defend her cub. "It's not right for teenagers to be in the same bed together."

Clarissa pulled John close, letting him relax against her. "Don't mind her." She whispered, leading him toward the drinking fountain as she recognized that he was slightly dehydrated and knowing that he had to have thrown up the day before. "I'll take care of it."

"It's fucked up." He stated, taking a drink of water and letting Clarissa wet her hands under the water to wash his face. "I hate that all they see is Jacob."

Clarissa shook her head. "They just don't understand. But you are not Jacob. Jacob, would never keep as close of an eye on Claire as you do. He would let her face the world alone. But you, go out of your way to protect her." She smiled as she combed her fingers through his beard. "You are not Jacob. You never were, and you never will be." She tapped his nose. "You are Johnathan Kurtis Bender, you will never be anyone else." She chuckled as he wrinkled his nose. "Don't listen to anyone who tells you any different."


	127. Chapter 127

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Seven**

Claire looked around their home, able to see where the storm had caused the house to leak. John's room was soaked because he refused to sleep with his window shut, and most of the rain had blown right into his room, drenching his bedding, carpet, and ruining the amps and any other electrical stuff he owned except for his guitar that he'd started keeping in his closet after Amelia had broken a few of the strings and accidentally poked her fingers on the broken wires and made them bleed.

John sighed, touching his hands against the sopping wet pillow on his bed. "Fucking hell…"

Claire touched his back, moving to press a kiss to the back of his neck. She backed up when he flinched away from her, able to see his agitation and knowing that it'd been a while since he'd vented any emotions. "We can dry it out, and replace anything that was ruined…"

John huffed, his dark brows knitting together in frustration as his breath changed.

"John… if you need to release do it. Don't force it inside." She reached toward him, catching herself before she touched him. "I think that's why your seizures didn't stop sooner… you force everything down and-"

"Out." He breathed, his voice dangerously low. His fists balled at his sides, his muscles tightened as he fought against himself. "Now."

Claire nodded, closing his door as she knelt just outside of his room. Her ear pressed against his door as she listened to his rushed breaths as they left his body, she could practically feel the tension in his mind and body, able to see the lid on his jar of emotions bending under the pressure until it finally gave. She shut her eyes tight as a raw scream ripped from his throat, listening as a loud thud echoed through his room when he fell to his knees. She knew he was fighting himself, the urge to let his fists fly growing stronger with every passing second. She listened as he forced himself to calm down, pushing his door open when she deemed it safe to enter. She smiled at John as he knelt on his floor, gently brushing her hand through his hair only to see pain written on his face at her touch. "Do you hurt?" She asked, knowing that the night spent on the floor of the library had to have been hard on his already painfilled body, she knew that it was getting better, but this effect of the drugs would most likely last for the rest of his life.

He nodded, letting the pain he lived with every day show as she touched his shoulder. "Yeah…"

She bit her lip, taking his hand in her own as he leaned on her. She combed her fingers through his hair, feeling his breath heave in his chest. She kissed his lips, her touch so gentle it was barely a brush against his skin. "How can I help?" She whispered, touching his long lashes that were fanned out over his cheeks.

He shook his head, turning his face toward her body and burying his nose in the curve of her neck. "Just stay." He mumbled, resting his body against her as she held him.

She smiled, lifting him to his feet and walking with him to her bedroom. She'd become used to him needing her like this, but the truth was, she needed him just as much. Even with the struggles he faced every day, and the pain that clouded his mind, he was there for her. He protected her, and made her feel like she was the most important woman in the world, he acted like she was an angel, and she could never get enough of it.

She pulled her covers back, laying John's long body in her bed, before she pulled his shoes and socks off. She crawled into the bed with him, laying with her forehead pressed against his as she stared into his eyes. "They're like chocolate today…" She smiled, noticing how intently he studied her. "What're you thinking about?"

"You have the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen…" He breathed, resting his hand on her side as she moved closer to him.

She blushed, kissing his lips as his chest pressed against her. "You haven't seen yours then." She closed her eyes, able to feel his heart thumping against her body. "I can't wait until we get married."

John chuckled, tensing as her fingers slipped into his pocket that held the little bag of weed that he'd bought. "Claire-"

"What is this?" She pulled the Marijuana from his pants, holding it up to the light. "John!"

He snatched the bag from her, freezing when her fingers wrapped around his wrist.

"Did you smoke it?" She asked, noticing that there wasn't anywhere near enough for a full joint.

He shook his head, his eyes showing his honesty. "I was testing myself. I wanted to prove to myself that I can be around that kind of stuff without giving in."

Claire nodded, knowing that even though he was a good liar he wouldn't lie to her. "So… this is all you bought?"

He smiled, kissing her nose. "Yeah. That's all I bought."

She locked her lips with his, tasting him as he pushed his tongue into her mouth, causing her to moan in pleasure as he pushed on a particularly nice spot. "You're a dork." She sighed, feeling his long fingers comb through her hair.

He chuckled, running his thumb over her ear. "I love you too."


	128. Chapter 128

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Eight**

Thomas and Paul moved John's soaked belongings out of his room, avoiding Clarissa and Jan as they began ripping up the carpet, and moving around John, Amelia, and Claire as they mixed the new paint colors that John had picked out when they were buying the new things he would need.

Claire smiled as she opened the can of light gray paint, dipping her finger into it before she touched John's nose. She giggled, watching his eyes cross to see the paint on his face.

He gave an evil smirk, running a paintbrush dipped in the navy blue over his hand and lunging for her. His hand pressed to her white t-shirt leaving a print on her stomach. "You really wanna do that, Sweets?" He asked, pinning her under his body as her hands touched the back of his neck.

"You. Are an asshole." She smiled, leaning his forehead against her own.

"AH!" The young pair screamed as Amelia poured a small bowl of paint that they'd given her over John's head. "Amelia!" Claire whipped some of the paint from her cheeks, glaring at the little girl as John's eyes followed Asher's path into his room with a roll of new carpet.

Mary shook her head at the three, able to see that John was still hesitant about his uncle. "Come on Sweet-pea, let's go see if Brian needs any help with dinner." She took her daughter's hand, leading her away from the teens.

Asher laid the roll of carpeting on John's floor, unrolling it and starting the process of fitting it to his room. He listened as soft footsteps entered the room, barely able to hear the uneven steps. "How's it going John?" He asked, turning to see the shocked expression on his nephew's face.

"You could hear me?" He asked, placing some plastic wrap on the carpet after Asher had secured it to the floor.

Asher chuckled, nodding his head as he held the staple gun to the carpeting and secured another section to the floor. "Not many people would hear you, but I used to walk that same way when I was a kid." He brushed his hair back from his eyes, showing a light scar leading into his hairline. "Grandpa wasn't the best dad either." He reached a hand toward John, praying that he would finally allow him to touch him. "Jacob took it to a whole new level though." He lowered his hand when he saw John's muscles tighten, seeing a fading scar around his neck move with his pulse. "I swear, I would have taken you boys with me if I had known you would live." He smiled as John's dark eyes met his own, able to see the Cherokee fight in him that had been passed down from Bender to Bender. "I thought for sure you would be a still born baby… your mother… she kept spotting and I thought for sure she was going to miscarry."

John nodded, remembering what Beverly's last letter had said about his birth. "I guess I almost was a still born…" He looked at his uncle, fighting to not see his father. "Beverly told Clarissa that I was blue in her last letter."

Asher dropped his gaze, able to see a hint of his sister-in-law in John's eyes. "Doesn't surprise me." He remembered Dominic as a newborn, still able to see his fight for life. "Dom went straight to NICU when he was born… the only thing I got to see of him was his little heart flat lining before I decided I couldn't take it anymore." He looked at John's beard, able to see the Greek in him from his mother. "Beverly wrote me saying that Dominic had survived the night, but a few months later, your father told me you'd both died." He placed a wooden chip on the carpet, showing John what it meant. "I spent a few years lost to booze after that. I was homeless, worked odd jobs, and blew all I ever made on more beer, that is, until I realized I was turning into my brothers." He smiled at his nephew. "You're welcome to come to an AA meeting with me. There are plenty of people who're going through what you are. And I think it would help you see that you're not alone."

John looked up as Claire entered his room with a bucket of paint and handed him a brush. "I'll think about it." He kissed Claire's lips as she leaned down to him, dipping his brush in the gray and starting on the wall as Asher finished the flooring. "But no promises."


	129. Chapter 129

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Nine**

Claire stepped back from the wall she was working on, wiping the sweat from her brow as she admired she and John's work. She took his hand in hers, leaning her head on his shoulder as she took in the lyrics and images on his walls.

"Perfect." He smiled, pressing a kiss to her head as Amelia rushed toward the young couple. He stepped so that he was facing her, his foot tipping a bucket of pain over so that it spilled onto the carpet. "Fuck!" He cursed, rushing to right the bucket before any of the adults could see.

Claire touched her fingers to the back of his shoulders, able to see the panic in his movements. "John-"

John's hands flew up to his head, as Clarissa knocked on his open doorway. "No! Please!" He turned so fast that his feet slipped out from under him, causing his ass to become covered in paint as he rushed away from her. "I- I didn't mean to do it!"

Clarissa nodded, motioning for Claire to take Amelia from the room. "Johnny…" She reached toward him, pausing when he flinched back, able to see the fear in his eyes. "Johnny, it's Clarissa…" She eased toward him, kneeling down in the paint puddle to see if he would somehow snap out of it faster. She risked a touch to his knee, jumping back at his violent reaction as his fist narrowly missed her nose.

"Don't touch me!" He screamed, hot tears streaming down his face as his mother's face shifted to that of Clarissa's. The dark tan of Beverly's skin changing to the light pink of Clarissa's, the dark hair becoming the auburn of Clarissa's. "Mom!" He lunged for her, his paint-covered arms wrapping around her body as his hands gripped at her back. "Mom…"

Clarissa shushed him, her hands softening against his body as the first harsh sob escaped him. "Shh… it's okay, Pumpkin. I'm okay." She rubbed her fingers in little circles over his back, ignoring the raised scars she could feel under his shirt.

"Burns…" He cried, his long fingers digging into her back.

She closed her eyes against the image of the cigar burn on his arm, wishing that she could erase them from his body. "How about a shower?" She asked, hoping to distract him from what had happened.

He shook his head, pulling her closer as his mind tried to run back to his craving for drugs. "No."

She sighed, her heart aching with every choked cry from the boy in her arms. "I'm sorry baby." She felt his shaking start to slow, able to tell that he was toward the end of his flashback. "I wish I could have stopped it."

Asher stopped in his tracks as he reached the corner of John's room, able to hear the end of John's fit. He wanted more than anything to help his nephew, to comfort him and run to his aid, but he knew that John was still to fresh from Jacob's home for that. He listened as Clarissa's voice began a soft song, smiling as John's rough, healing tones mixed in with hers, recognizing the song from his childhood. He was amazed that John knew the words, the only way that he'd been able to remember the words to anything, was to actually see the writing on a paper. He chuckled as John's voice began to crack, and the boy stopped to let Clarissa finish the song. "Sounds just like his dad…" He shook his head, remembering Jacob's little garage band from when they were young. "He's gonna go somewhere with that voice." He smirked, remembering how energetic John had been on the stage before his vocal cords had blown.


	130. Chapter 130

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty**

Clarissa brushed John's hair back from his ear as he curled around Claire in his sleep. She knew that his flashbacks were getting worst, but she'd also heard of a way that could help. She smiled, pulling the blankets higher on the couple's shoulders. "Sleep well." She whispered, turning the light out as she started for the living room for the adult meeting she and Thomas had called after John's last flashback.

Mary yawned, leaning against Paul as Clarissa entered the living room. "Goodness, those kids could not stay up later."

Thomas chuckled, placing an old dog collar on the coffee table. "I think that John's nerves got a little wound up today with his fit. But Clarissa and I thought of something that might help."

Jan picked up the collar, looking at the redheaded parents. "Are you suggesting that we buy John a dog?"

Clarissa nodded, placing a shelter pamphlet on the table beside them. "I think that we could get it trained to be a service animal for him. To help with his PTSD and find one of us for help if he does happen to get another attack."

Dana examined the pamphlet, reading over the dogs that they usually rescued. "He does love dogs… and I think it would help him feel like he was needed more."

Thomas smiled. "So it's decided then. Tomorrow after John gets out of school, Clarissa and I will take him to pick out a pound puppy."

John twisted the collar around his hands, walking through the kennels as the dogs barked at him through the chain-link gates. He paused at one cage, looking into the shockingly blue eyes of a pitch-black pit-bull. He knelt down, letting her get used to him on her level. Smiling, he held his hand out to her, holding it palm up to show that he meant no harm. He could recognize the signs of a fighting dog in her. Her ears were cropped, and she had the unmistakable bite scars left from other dogs. "Shh… it's okay sweetheart… I won't hurt you…" He bowed his head, knowing the sign of submission that was needed for this dog to trust him.

Clarissa stopped a few feet from him, worry clear in her eyes as he seemed to want that dog. "John, why don't you find another one, she… she might be aggressive because-"

"Am I aggressive?" He asked, slowly standing and opening the kennel to let the dog out.

"No! I just meant that her past-"

"If I can have a second chance so can she." He smiled as the dog jumped onto his chest, letting his body go limp as he tipped backwards so that it didn't hurt as bad when he hit the floor.

Thomas rushed toward John to see if the animal had hurt him at all, only to stop mid-step when he started laughing. "I think he found the one he wants." He chuckled, turning to look at the woman working at the shelter. "Does she have a name?"

She shook her head, handing John a leash as he finished with the collar. "Not that we know of."

John smiled, rubbing the pit-bull behind the ears. "Chance." He stated, taking a tag from his pocket. "Her name is Chance."


	131. Chapter 131

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-One**

John clipped the leash to Chance's collar, walking with the pit bull and Claire to school. It'd been weeks since he'd had a nice walk, and he loved to take the opportunity to relax this way. He breathed the scent of the ocean breeze, closing his eyes behind the sunglasses he always wore to farther enjoy the walk.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Claire asked, leaning on his shoulder as they walked.

He chuckled, patting Chance on her head as she growled at a dog across the street in his yard. "Just happy." He smiled, kissing Claire's nose.

Claire looked up at him, able to see that his stress was slowly fading with every day he spent with his new pet. "I'm glad."

John stopped mid-step, his muscles going rigid as his eyes landed on something a few hundred yards off. His breath changed, and Claire knew that he'd seen something that wasn't right.

"What's wrong?" She asked, dropping his hand as he became protective of her.

He walked forward slightly, keeping Claire behind him as he tried to get a better look of what he'd seen. "Thought I saw something in the bushes…" He stated, taking her hand again as they continued on their path to school. He pulled her hand close to his side, letting her slip her fingers under his shirt to touch the skin of his side. Her fingers fanned over his ribs, the feeling of her skin on his grounding him as she traced the smaller scars on his body. He blew a long breath through his nose, feeling Chance's shoulder on his leg as she did her best to help his anxiety in her wonderful fur-baby way. "It was probably nothing."

Claire nodded, giggling when Chance paused in the middle of the sidewalk to growl at a squirrel. "Chancie, it's not a threat." She stated, patting the dog's hips as John pulled the leash slightly. "I'm glad that Mr. Anderson lets her come to school."

John smirked, letting the pet lick his hand as he pulled a treat from his pocket to give her. "I think everyone's gonna be happy that I'm bringing her. Dogs make the whole day better."

"And you make it even better." She smiled, kissing his neck.

Mrs. Hernandez huffed as John walked into her class room, seeing a muscular pit-bull at his hip. "No dogs in this class." She snapped, as John made his way to his desk.

John rolled his eyes, scratching Chance behind her half-chewed ear. "I have a note from Mr. Anderson. If you would like to take it up with him, be my guest, but I know damn well that Chancie can be in here with me as long as I make sure she obeys my commands." He took his seat, giving a short whistle to get Chance's attention and using a clicker to reward her for obeying the command to heel to his side. "She's training to be a service dog for me, so I suggest you learn to get used to her being here."

"Pit bulls are vicious dogs. They should never be allowed in schools." She stated, getting a small reaction from the other students in the class.

John rolled his eyes, feeding a treat to Chance as she laid down on his jacket to relax for the class. "Aggression is a learned trait, not one that is bred into a dog. A dog, no matter its bread, will always have a want to please its master. Humans are the vicious ones. Humans, don't give a shit about what or who gets hurt. As long as they get their money, or satisfaction, they're happy. My dog, will be happy just to be beside me. So, I ask you, who is the vicious one?"

Dominic snorted a laugh, able to see the shock on Mrs. Hernandez's face. "She's a sweet pup. Just give her a shot."

John leaned down and pulled a bone from his backpack, letting Chance take it to chew on so she didn't get bored and start chewing on his coat. "Not that that's your specialty."

She glared at him, sighing in defeat as she began the lesion.


	132. Chapter 132

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Two**

John chuckled as a few of the nerds gathered around him to give Chance treats and pets. He knew that even though neither one of them particularly cared for the attention, that it would inevitably help them both with learning to trust people. He handed a short brunette girl one of Chance's meat sticks, letting her divide it between the group of freshmen to give to the pit bull.

"Did you really tell Mrs. Hernandez off?" Asked one of the boys, his too-big glasses slipping down on his nose.

John nodded, patting Chance on the shoulder-blades as she started to get excited. "I don't deal with bitches who judge a book by its cover." He smirked as Claire walked over to him, taking her delicate hand in his. "After all, the best stories are held in the most worn out books."

Claire shook her head, looking to the group of freshmen as she began to lead him and Chance toward the school psychiatrist's office. "Excuse us for a moment." She stopped outside of his office, taking Chance's leash from John. "Mr. Taylor asked me to find you. You were supposed to have your IQ test an hour ago."

John groaned, noticing a few other students waiting outside of the office for their own IQ tests. "Sweets, I don't want a fucking IQ test. It's a number on a paper. It means jack shit."

Claire wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing his collarbone. "It'll mean something to me if you'll just take the test." She smiled, feeling his body relax against her. "Just give it a shot."

He huffed a breath, pushing his fingers into her hair before he agreed. "Fine, but only because you're my Sweets." He looked into her eyes, able to see her joy in those pools. "Keep Chancie out of trouble."

She giggled, patting the black beast on her head. "Don't worry about it."

John stretched as Mr. Taylor finished up the test, starting back for the door and taking Chance's leash from Claire.

"How'd it go?" She asked, noticing that he was starting to tire out from the day.

He shrugged, opening his locker and pulling a bowl from the shelf before he filled it with water. "Went fine." His head snapped up as Jessica's cousin walked passed him, anger flaring in his chest as he saw that she was hanging off of Dominic's arm. "What the fuck man?" He snapped, feeling Chance move toward him and lean against his leg.

Dominic shot his cousin a look, pushing Jade behind him as he recognized the effect of John's emotions on his dog. "John. Settle down. She's just a friend."

"She's the psychopath's minion!" He snapped, his tone making Chance's behavior change enough that even Claire wouldn't be allowed near him.

"John." Dominic spoke in a firm voice, knowing that he could very well get nipped at if he wasn't careful. "Call Chance back." He looked into his cousin's eyes, trying to ground him like he'd done when they were children.

John's eyes narrowed, the irises going pure black as he stared his cousin down. "Chance. Hold." He growled.

Dominic nodded, able to see that the pet was still on edge. "Jade's alright. She doesn't agree with anything Medusa says and I think we can trust her."

John scoffed, thinking back to when they were children. "We can't trust every pretty face we see Dom."

"You trust Claire." He stated.

"Because she saved me from bleeding out!"

Claire's head snapped toward her boyfriend, hurt flashing behind her eyes. Did he really only trust her because of that one reason? Was there nothing else she'd done to earn his trust? All the nights spent holding him as he shook in fear from his nightmares, the countless hours she'd spent worrying about his fragile life hanging in the balance, the months she'd watched over him and taken the time to make sure he was okay… did all of that mean nothing to him? She huffed a breath, storming away from him and toward the library to burry herself in a book.


	133. Chapter 133

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Three**

John heaved a breath as he looked at Claire, her fiery hair was draped over her face, the pale skin of her face turned a rosy pink from her tears. He gave a small command to Chance, telling her to sit and stay, before he took a step toward her. "Sweets?" He asked, his voice so quiet it was almost inaudible.

"Fuck off." She choked, her voice cracking as she furiously wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Sweets-"

"GO AWAY!" She shouted, slamming the book in her lap closed. "I don't want to talk to you!" She stood to leave, trying to push past him on her way out.

John's hands gripped her shoulders, stopping her as she moved. "Claire." He spoke in a firm tone, but not so firm that he sounded like his father. "Stop."

"LET ME GO!" She balled her fists, letting a few wild swings fly into his chest until he released her. "I HATE YOU BENDER!"

John stepped back, letting her run from him. He felt something in his chest break, the cracking of his heart creating a worse pain that any broken bone he'd ever had. He heaved a breath, his chest constricting as a panic attack gripped him.

She'd called him Bender… not John… not Johnny… not Sugar or Baby… Bender. The name he'd been forced to bear. He fell to his knees, his hands clasping over his ears as her words repeated in his head, echoing through his skull. He was vaguely aware of Chance's weight against him, her attempt to calm him barely having an effect on him.

He lifted his head, taking Chance's leash as he bolted from the school. He didn't care that there were still two hours left in the school day, he just wanted out. He sprinted until his legs would no longer keep the pace, his breath coming in harsh gasps as he slowed to a walk.

Chance's tongue hung out of her mouth as she panted, her blue eyes searching her master for what could be wrong. She licked his hand, wishing he would understand her.

John heaved a breath, looking around the new part of town he'd come to. He breathed the scent of aerosol paint in the air, looking around at the bright graffiti on the bricks. "I can't go back there…" He whispered, taking the little bag of weed from his pocket and shaking the contents into his palm. "I can't be with someone who hates me." He dumped the pot into his mouth, the hay-like flavor filling his mouth as he chewed it. His body relaxed as the high hit, his pupils dilating as he swallowed the drugs. "I can't stay in that house knowing that she hates me…" He sat on the sidewalk, his back pressing into the wall of an apartment building as Chance laid her head in his lap. "I'm fucked…" He choked, his throat closing up as he tried to push his tears down. "I'm so fucked…"


	134. Chapter 134

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Four**

Claire listened to the thunder outside as she curled up in John's empty bed. She held his blankets to her nose, hiding her tears from anyone who might see her while at the same time breathing the faint sent of him that still lingered there. It'd been two days and there was still no sign of him… her parents had spent hours each day searching the city for him, but even Dominic hadn't been able to find his cousin. She sniffled, looking out the window as the rain pelted the glass. "Please come home…" She cried, her fingers tracing over the tearstained pages of his notebook. "I'm so sorry…"

* * *

Claire snapped out of her fit full sleep, able to hear that the whole house was in chaos. "What's-"

John's bedroom door burst open, and Kaylie's messy bedhead appeared in the doorway. "They found him." She stated, catching a bra that someone threw at her and slipping it on under her old hoodie that used to belong to Sid. "Clarissa wants us all in the car in five minutes."

Claire took a shaky breath, her hands trembling as she lifted them to her lips. "Oh God…" She threw the covers back, not bothering to go to her own room to get dressed. Instead, she pulled on a pair of John's boxers for underwear, the bra that she'd been wearing for a little over two days, and a pair of John's old sweatpants and his stained Kiss t-shirt. "Please be okay…"

* * *

Claire paused outside of the hospital room, swallowing the lump in her throat as she tried to work up the courage to go inside. "I can't…" She choked, turning into Dominic's chest as her emotions began to overwhelm her. "I can't see him…"

Dominic shushed her, holding her in a tight hug as he fought off the memory of John's condition when Chance had led him to his cousin. "Take your time. He isn't all there yet anyway."

Claire clutched at his jacket, the rough canvas so strange on her fingers. "How bad is it?" She asked, her knees quaking as she trebled.

Dominic sighed, leading her to one of the chairs outside of John's hospital room to sit. "It's pretty bad…" He took a breath, forcing himself to be strong for her. "He relapsed again… and… he, um, he's pretty messed up." He remembered the dried blood on John's naked body when he'd found him, the signs of a beating clear on his broken body. He shuddered at the thought of what could have happened to his little cousin that he didn't know about, the abuse his body could have taken. "I'm not sure what all happened, but… they're running tests on him to get an idea of what happened…"

Claire nodded, looking up as a man in a lab coat exited John's room with a cart filled with test tubes of various bodily fluids for testing. "I'm scared…" She whispered, watching as a nurse entered the room with a bag of blood for a transfusion.

Dominic rubbed her back, praying that she would be strong enough to see John before it was too late. "He needs you Claire…" His voice cracked as he spoke, unable to hold his own fear down any longer. "He doesn't respond to anyone else as well as you. You are the only chance we have of getting him back."

Claire looked at the giant of a man before her, seeing him break for the first time since they'd become friends. "It's my fault."

Dominic shook his head, holding her shoulders in his hands. "It was a misunderstanding. But please. Please Claire, talk to him. You're the only one who can save him. He _needs_ you."


	135. Chapter 135

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Five**

Claire stepped into John's hospital room, fighting back tears as her eyes landed on her boyfriend's beaten body. She could see where his skin had been cut or broken open by blunt trauma, the bruising on his skin showing where harsh hands had been laid upon him, his chest rose and fell in odd intervals with his breath, and she knew that the physical trauma wasn't all that had been done to him. "Sugar…" She whispered, reaching out to touch him until Chance growled at her from her spot beside his bed. "John…" She watched as his eyes moved behind their lids, heaving a breath at the sign of life. "I'm so sorry…" She touched his hand, noticing how faint his pulse was. "I never should have done that… just… please come back to me."

Chance looked up at the girl beside her master, tilting her head as she sensed a change in him. She jumped down from her spot on the recliner, placing her front paws on his bed and resting her head on his thigh as his heart rate changed. She whimpered as his muscles twitched, sensing that something was happening with him. She gave a little yip as his scent changed, the smell of cold steel changing to the scent that she knew was happiness.

"Please wake up." Claire brushed a hand through his hair, noticing that the hospital staff had given him a shower and cleaned him up. "Chancie wants you to wake up." She jumped as Chance pulled on the hem of the t-shirt she'd stolen from John's dresser. "What are you doing?" She asked, looking down at the pit bull just as John gave a cry of pain. "John?" She pushed the dog off of her, cupping John's face in her hands as he groaned from the pain he was in. "Johnny, look at me baby." She brushed his hair back from his face, sitting on the edge of his bed as he forced himself to look at her. "Thank God…" She sighed, pulling him into a hug. "I thought I'd lost you."

He yelped as she touched a spot of raw skin on his back, the memory of the last few nights coming back to him in a wave of panic. "No!"

Claire sat back, letting Chance take over and do her job. She watched in horror as his panic attack gripped him, bolting from the room to find her mother. "Mom!" She pulled her mother away from the nurses at the reception counter. "He's awake."

Clarissa nodded, taking off for John's room. "Pumpkin?" She watched as Chance did her best to calm her master, knowing that he was in the middle of a flashback. "Johnny?" She touched his shoulder, jumping back at his cry.

"No!" He sobbed, moving away from her as the pain of what he'd gone through returning as if it were happening in that moment. "Don't touch me!"

Clarissa looked up as a nurse entered the room, watching as she pulled a little brown bottle from the drawer and filled a syringe with the medicine inside and injected it into John's IV. "Have the tests come back yet?" She asked, terrified at the possibilities of what could have happened to him.

The nurse shook her head, a sad smile touching her lips as John's body went lax with the sedative she'd given him. "It'll be a couple days before we get them back… but, Doctor Cox thinks that there could be more to it than what we can tell from the state he's in…" She looked up at Clarissa knowing that the signs on John's body were only a scratch in the surface. "Considering how his cousin found him… it's possible… that he could have any number of things done to him. The gangs on that side of town… they're merciless when they want something and it's impossible to tell what exactly happened until we get tests back and he sees a psychiatrist."

Clarissa nodded, scratching Chance's back as the dog tried to comfort her master. "May I stay with him?" She asked, knowing that she wasn't supposed to stay in these rooms with him. "Just until the test results come back?"

The nurse smiled, checking John's vitals to make sure he wasn't in too serious of danger. "I think we can work something out."

Claire peeked into John's room, swallowing as she saw the fear on her mother's face.


	136. Chapter 136

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Six**

Clarissa held John close as the nurse cleaned his wounds. She listened to his breath rattle in his chest, and she knew that he was fighting the pain. "It's okay, Pumpkin…" She kissed the crown of his head, able to feel his fever from the infection in his wounds through his hair.

His long fingers dug into Chance's fur as she laid over his lap, taking comfort in his dog being so close to him. "Hurts…" He whimpered, burying his face in Clarissa's shoulder as the nurse's hands brushed over a particularly tender spot.

"I know baby." She rubbed her fingers through his hair, trying to sooth him as best she could. "I know."

* * *

Thomas paced across the kitchen floor, looking at his wife before he spoke. "Clarissa, I don't want John around Claire right now. I don't think it's a good idea at the moment."

"Thomas-"

"No. He's going to Asher's until the detox is over. End of discussion." He picked up the phone, dialing the number for Asher's home.

Clarissa stepped toward him, taking the receiver from his hand and hanging it up. "Thomas. He needs us." She stated, looking into her husband's eyes. "We told him we would be there for him. If we force him to go to Asher's… he may never trust us again."

Thomas heaved a sigh, taking his wife's hands in his. "Clarissa, he's out of control. We don't have the skill needed to help him. Asher, knows more about this than we do. John needs professional help."

Clarissa shook her head; how could he do this to her -to them? She'd lost her youngest child to a miscarriage, and now he was taking away the boy who'd helped to heal her aching heart. "He's my son, Thomas! You can't keep him away from me!"

Thomas gripped her arms, trying his best to calm his wife. "Clarissa. We can't help him. We can't give him what he needs to recover from this." He jumped back as Clarissa's hand collided with his cheek, holding his face as she stormed away from him. "Clarissa!"

"Fuck you Thomas!" She cried, slamming the door on her way out.

She slammed the door to her car, starting the vehicle before she rushed to the hospital to be with John as his recovery began again. "I swear." She wiped a tear from her cheek, not seeing the light change just before another car slammed into the driver's side of her car.

* * *

John looked up from Chance's happy face as a huge ruckus started in the hallway, listening to the doctors shouting orders as a woman on an ambulance cart was rolled by his room. He caught a glimpse of auburn hair, and the light blue of Clarissa's nail polish as she was wheeled passed his room. "Mom!" He cried, ripping the leads from his body and yanking his IV out of his arm. "Mom!" He stumbled from the bed, his body still weakened from his battle against the new drugs in his body.

A nurse rushed into his room, catching him as he stumbled forward. "Johnathan, stop." She held him up as he fought against her, his attempts to get to his foster mother like that of a wild animal. "She's in shock. She can't have any more excitement."

"Mom!" He shouted, his fingers digging into Joan's arm as he tried to get to Clarissa. "Mom!"

Joan held him close as he struggled against her, able to feel his body wearing itself out. "Johnathan. Please."

"Momma…" He sobbed, finally collapsing into the woman as his body gave up against his will. "Momma…"


	137. Chapter 137

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Seven**

John waited for what seemed like days to see Clarissa, he laid in his bed, picking at the tape on his arm that held his new IV in his vein. Thomas had come to see him a few minutes after Clarissa had been admitted. He'd been such a wreck that Joan had asked him to wait outside so he didn't upset John any farther.

Joan knocked on his door, smiling as John's head snapped up to look at her. "She's stable now."

He attempted to push himself out of bed, his muscles quaking with the small effort. "I need to see her."

Joan nodded, pulling up a wheelchair so that he didn't strain himself too much. "I know sweet-cheeks."

"Don't call me that." He stated, shuddering at the memory of the men who'd jumped him and drugged him to the point of inability to fight against them.

She nodded, remembering the results of his tests that had shown he'd been sexually assaulted by the men who'd jumped him. "I'm sorry." She helped him into the wheelchair, gently adjusting his leads and IV so that they could be taken with him as well as clipping a leash to Chance's collar to take her with them.

Thomas looked up as John was wheeled into Clarissa's room, his heart aching at the fear in John's eyes. He stood, as John struggled to get to her, pushing him back into the chair as he listened to Clarissa's heart monitor beep behind him. "She's okay, John."

John looked at Clarissa's face, taking in the fresh cuts on her pale skin and the hard plaster cast on her arm. "She doesn't look okay." He stated, letting Joan push his wheelchair closer to Clarissa's bedside. He rested a hand on her good arm, watching for a reaction. "What happened?" He asked, reaching up to smooth her hair back from her face.

Thomas rested a hand on John's shoulder, able to see the kid's pain as he tried to care for Clarissa as best he could in the state he was in. "She was in a car accident. Doctor said it could be a few days before she wakes up again."

John nodded, trying to force himself to ignore his own pain as he bowed his head and started to whisper under his breath. "Please… if anyone's out there… don't take her from us…" He jumped as a warm hand cupped his cheek, his dark eyes meeting those of Clarissa's. "Mom!" He held her hand with a crushing force, letting his tears spill over onto his cheeks.

She gave a small smile, squeezing his hands as he pressed her fingers to his forehead. "I'm here, Pumpkin." She whispered, her voice strange in John's ears as it rasped from the effects of the crash.


	138. Chapter 138

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Eight**

John placed his hands on Clarissa's shoulders as she struggled to relearn how to walk. The crash had damaged the part of her brain that helped to control her motor skills, and John had taken on the task of steadying her as best his body would allow. "You've got it Mom." He cheered, able to see her frustration at how hard it was to do this simple task. "One more step."

She shook her head, taking a seat on a chair in the physical therapy wing of the hospital. "I'm done." She stated, able to sense what John was going to say next. "I can't do this."

John licked his lips, his dark hair falling over his eyes as he knelt in front of her. "Yes, you can." He reassured, taking her hand and pressing it to the knife wound on his side. "If I can survive this, you can learn to walk again."

She drew her hand back, able to see John's own fight in those eyes of his. "Johnny. I can't walk." She looked down at her legs, hating that they didn't work right. "It hurts."

John's eyes changed, the dark brown changing to nearly green with determination. "Mom." His voice was firm, as if he was now playing the roll of parent. "I live in pain every day. If I, an addict, can walk, so can you." He winced as his side gave a sharp pain, knowing that it was a side effect of whatever new substance he'd had forced into him. "You will walk again."

She glared at him, the tension between the two so tight that Thomas was halfway expecting one of them burst into flame. "Johnathan Kurtis-"

"Clarissa Elizabeth." He countered, mirroring her stubbornness with his own. "I'm not giving you a choice. You. Will. Walk. Again."

Thomas looked at John's uncle, shocked at the little smile on his lips. "What are you smiling about?" He asked, knowing that John was on thin ice.

Asher shook his head, watching his nephew as he let his Cherokee fight show, knowing that the Viking in his blood was also contributing to his stubbornness. "That kid lets his heritage show." He looked to Thomas, as John finally got Clarissa to stand and try to walk again. "He's stubborn as an ox, and gentle as a butterfly. He gets the fight from the Cherokee and Viking in the Bender bloodline, but the gentleness and love comes from the Greek in the Baka's blood from his mother."

John helped Clarissa forward, ignoring the pain that was shooting through his stomach with every breath. "Another." He ordered, able to see the want to give up in her. "I'm not letting you sit until my muscles give out." He knew that his body would fail him eventually, but exactly how long that would be he had no idea.

Clarissa huffed a breath, taking another wobbly step as the boy pulled her along. "Johnathan-"

"Johnathan Kurtis, I swear you are the biggest pain I have ever met." He finished for her, not giving her the satisfaction of a win until he was please with her recovery. "I know I'm an ass, Mom. But to be fair, you're just as much of a pain in my ass as I am in yours."

She glared at him, letting him stop to brush her hair out of her face before they continued. "I could never be as big of a pain as you are."

John scoffed, stepping backwards as she stepped toward him. "Believe me Mom, I don't even come close to you."

"Fuck you Johnny." She breathed, tired of his shit.

John smirked, trying to ignore the memory of what had happened to him after he'd been drugged. "Another step." He stated, feeling Chance's eyes on him as she became attentive to his change in behavior. "You didn't give up on me. So, I'm not giving up on you."


	139. Chapter 139

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Nine**

John sat on the exam table as Doctor Ernest checked on his wounds, his body going rigid as the man's hands traveled down his body to just above his bare hips.

Doctor Ernest looked down at John's service dog, able to tell that John's distress had put her on edge. "Relax John, I'm not gonna hurt you." He took the bandage off of John's lower back, able to see that the severe infection in the wounds left after he'd been attacked. He knew that John didn't remember most of what had happened to him, but he also knew that John would suffer from the psychological trauma of being assaulted for the rest of his life. He touched the red, inflamed flesh of John's back, knowing that this infection was something they really needed to keep an eye on to ensure that the boy didn't develop paralysis from the infection cutting off the signals in his spinal cord to his lower extremities. "Damnit…" He hissed, as puss oozed from a particularly deep cut above John's hips. He picked up a syringe and filled it with an antibacterial flush before he began to flush the wound out. "I'm gonna do another test on your blood. Just to make sure you didn't contract any STDs we need to worry about."

John nodded, wincing as Ernest flushed out his wounds. "I had another nightmare last night…" He whispered, feeling the man move to the knife wound in his side.

Ernest sighed, having John lay down on the table so he could perform a vital check on him. "I'm listening."

"It was about those guys… but they weren't after me… they were after my girlfriend."

Ernest pressed his hands against John's stomach, listening to his heartbeat in the stethoscope. "She's the little redhead?"

John nodded, squirming under Ernest's touch as he pressed right above his manhood. "Yeah…"

"She doesn't come around too much."

John readjusted as he tried to ignore Ernest touching his body. "She's scared." He stated, scratching Chance's ears as Ernest opened a blood draw kit and poked John's arm until he found a vein. "She doesn't want to lose me."

Ernest filled a few vials up with blood before he took the needle out of John's vein and let him get ready to finish his discharge from the hospital. "Just don't be kissing your girlfriend, or sharing any food or drinks until we get this test back. With what happened, you could have any number of things to worry about."

John shrugged his t-shirt on, pulling on his boxers and jeans right after that. "I know."


	140. Chapter 140

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty**

Claire looked up from her book as John walked into his room, smiling as he collapsed into his bed beside her. "Glad you're home." She brushed her fingers though his hair, leaning down to kiss his lips until he jerked away from her. "John-"

"I can't kiss you." He stated, showing her the bandage on his arm where Ernest had taken his blood draw. "Not until the last few tests come back."

Claire nodded, moving to snuggle up to his chest until he moved away from her to go sit in his beanbag chair. "What's wrong?" She asked, knowing that he almost never turned down her cuddles.

He shook his head, picking at a loose thread in the beanbag. "Nothing."

"John. What's wrong?" She swung her legs over the side of his bed, leaning forward as he refused to look at her.

"It's nothing." He insisted, forcing the memories back as Chance rested her head on his lap. "I'm fine."

"John-"

"I was raped!" He screamed, tears spilling over his cheeks as he finally spoke the words he'd been dodging for more than a week. "I was raped, Claire."

She nodded, standing to leave his room and let him be in his safe place to cool down. "Let me know when you want to talk. I'm here for you, Sugar." She smiled, thinking of someway she could try to make this better for him. "I'll make some spaghetti for dinner tonight."

"No." He shook his head, knowing that he wouldn't be able to keep it down. "Just water."

She bit her lip, noticing that he'd dropped weight again. "Okay…" She closed his door, picking Amelia up as she tried to go inside. "He wants to be alone." She whispered, taking the child downstairs with her.

Amelia leaned back, looking at the redhead with curious eyes. "What does 'raped' mean?" She asked, wondering why John was so upset about it.

Claire handed her to her mother, fighting back tears as she finally thought about John having lost his virginity against his will. "Ask your mom." She stated, rushing to the basement where Kaylie and the others were all playing a bunch of old records and dancing to distract from their emotions.

Kaylie's jaw dropped when she heard the news. "They raped him?" She asked, her pale skin turning red with anger. "I'm gonna bust some heads." She growled, standing to leave.

Brian caught her arm just as she reached the stairs, yelping as she pushed him into the wall and held a knife to his pants. "Kay-"

"They fucking raped him. Either let me go castrate a few dildo riding faggots, or lose your balls to Luna here." She growled, pushing off of him and placing her knife in its sheath. She stormed up the stairs, ignoring the crowd behind her as she marched up to John's bedroom.

She pushed the door open, crossing her arms over her chest as John lifted his broken gaze to her. "Where were they?" She asked, sitting on the bed to talk to him.

He dropped his gaze, drawing his knees up farther to his chest and making his notebook fall onto the bed beside him. "I don't remember."

"Bull shit." She stated, knowing that John Bender always remembered even if he said he didn't. "Don't lie to me Kurtis. I know that you remember more than you say. Where are they?"

John swallowed, scratching his arm until Chance forced him to pet her. "I'm not telling you."

"Fucking tell me who did this."

"No."

"Johnathan Kurtis Bender."

"I'm not telling you!"

"John!"

"NO!" He pushed her off of his bed, burying himself under a mountain of pillows and blankets as he felt a panic attack starting to take hold. "They'll get you too."

Kaylie growled in frustration, grabbing the back of John's t-shirt and pulling him from the fluffy fort he'd built himself. "John. You saved me when I almost got raped. Let me do this."

He shook his head, twisting out of her grip like a cat. "Get out."

"John-"

"GET OUT!" He screamed, making Chance go on the defensive and nip at Kaylie until she finally left.

"Goddamn it John!" She yelled, stomping her foot as she stormed out of the house. "I'm going for a walk." She stated to Vernon as she passed him on her way out. "Don't wait up."


	141. Chapter 141

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-One**

Kaylie huffed as she took a seat on a bench beside the duck pond in the park, picking up a rock and chucking it into the water. "Stubborn ass." She growled, looking up at the cloudless sky above her. "Why do you do this?" She snapped, wondering if there really was a God and why he let these things happen. "John was doing what you asked. He was saving himself for the right girl. And you let a gang of men violate him." She furiously wiped a tear from her cheek, bowing her head as she let her frustration turn to sorrow. "Are you even there?"

"For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you."

Her head snapped up as the voice echoed around her, looking around wildly for the person who'd spoken. "Who's there?" She asked, fear rising in her chest.

"John will grow from this hardship. I have known from the beginning, the things he will accomplish and he will do great things." The voice stated, and Kaylie could have sworn someone touched her shoulder. "I will grant you peace in these hard times. For you are my child."

Kaylie looked up and she could have sworn she saw the face of Jesus Christ beside her. Then suddenly she was alone. She looked out over the pond, able to feel her emotions changing until she felt completely at peace. "What the?"

Thomas rested his hand on Clarissa's as she rested in her hospital bed, smiling as his wife's breath evened out in her slumber. "I'm so sorry, Cupcake… I never should have tried to take John from you." He kissed her knuckles, looking up as someone knocked on the door.

"How is she?" Vernon asked, taking his wife's hand as they entered the room.

Thomas gave a tired smile, it'd been days since he'd been home and he was utterly exhausted. "She's been doing better. But she's still struggling to walk."

Jan nodded, adjusting the blankets around Clarissa's hips and smoothing her hair back from her forehead. "John feels awful about this."

Thomas's expression changed, a hint of anger showing as the crease between his eyebrows deepened. "Damn kid." He muttered, remembering the fight that he and Clarissa had before the accident.

Jan touched his shoulder, knowing that he wasn't aware of what John was doing at home. "John's been isolating himself since he got back. He won't even let Claire close to him, and Kathrine and Ryan think that he's been starving himself."

Thomas glared at her, knowing that John rarely ate anyway. "I want him to be at Asher's when we get home. I don't want him living with us."

Vernon bowed his head, knowing that it was hard to not blame someone for what had happened. "Thomas-"

"I'm relinquishing our guardian ship of him. Asher is his next of kin. John will live with him until farther notice." He handed them the papers he'd signed stating that John was no longer his responsibility. "I want him out of the house by tomorrow morning."

Jan nodded, reading over the papers to see that Thomas was serious. "We'll get him packed."


	142. Chapter 142

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Two**

John lifted his gaze to Asher's home, looking back over his shoulder as Vernon and Paul unloaded his bags from the car. "Take me home." He pleaded, turning back to the men. "I don't wanna be here."

Vernon sighed, reaching toward John until the boy shrank away. "This is only temporary John. But Thomas needs some time to cool off."

Asher patted Chance's head, taking John into the house as Paul and Vernon started to take John's few belongings inside. "John, I promise. This will all work out."

"Leave me alone." He growled, his temper taking hold as he shoved away from his uncle. He rushed up the stairs, finding an unlocked window on the second story that lead to the roof. He stepped on the shingles with careful feet, rushing to the highest part of the house to be sure he was completely alone before he broke. "FUCK!" He screamed, collapsing to his knees.

* * *

Three weeks passed, and Thomas still hadn't lifted the ban on John. Asher knew that his nephew was slowly getting worse as time passed. Despite his best efforts, John hadn't eaten for days. He'd completely isolated himself in his room, only coming out to go to the bathroom or feed Chance. He'd stopped showering a few days ago, and he'd been refusing to go to school.

"John?" Asher knocked on the boy's door, pushing it open to see John curled on his side in the bed with Chance pressed against his back. "Dinner's ready."

"Not hungry." He muttered, playing with an old lighter that had run out of juice years ago when Asher had smoked his last pack.

Asher sighed, stepping into the room to attempt to get through to what was really bothering the kid. "Let's talk." He stated, pulling up a chair and sitting in front of him. "Is this about Clarissa?" He asked, leaning toward the boy. "Or is it about the gang?"

John ignored him, striking the lighter again just to see the sparks.

"Johnathan."

"Fuck off."

"John." Asher pushed his temper down, feeling a little bit of his father in him. "Give me that." He took the lighter from him, tossing it across the room. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Fuck off." John repeated, his eyes void of emotion as he looked at his uncle.

Asher heaved a sigh, grabbing John by the shirt collar and hauling him out of the bed. "Look." He pulled John's shirt over his head, pointing the reflection in the mirror. "You're _dying,_ John." He stated, tapping his hand on John's boney ribs. "You're killing yourself."

John shrugged, not caring about how thin he was anymore. In fact, he didn't care about anything. His life was empty without Claire. Without her, there was no point in life.

"I lost you once. I am not going to lose you again." Asher looked his nephew in the eyes, forcing himself to see John and not his mother. "Last time, I spent seven years drinking and drugging. I was homeless, and lost the will to live. I attempted suicide and if it wasn't for Sara, I would be dead right now."

John dropped his gaze, remembering the woman who was dating his uncle and the few times that she'd tried to coax him to eat.

"You need to eat. And if you don't, I'll have Sara put a feeding tube in you." He lifted John's chin forcing him to look at him. "You know what that is? It's a tube that goes in your nose and into your stomach to make you eat."

John weakly pushed his uncle away, knowing that he and Sara would force him to live against his will. "Leave me alone."


	143. Chapter 143

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Three**

Asher knocked on the Breakfast Club home, sighing as Claire answered. He noticed that she hadn't slept for days, and that she'd added on a little bit of weight, and had also been crying. "Is Thomas here?" He asked, offering the girl a hug.

She wrapped her arms around his torso, noticing that his build was so much like John's. "He's in the den." She stated, wiping her eyes as Asher let her go. "Is John okay?" She asked, looking up at the man.

He gave a sad smile, placing his hand on her shoulder. "He's not the best, but he's still alive."

She nodded, worried that John might have more going on that Asher didn't know about. "Is he still eating?"

He shook his head, dropping his gaze to his feet. "Sara, my girlfriend, is thinking about giving him a feeding tube if he doesn't start eating by tomorrow. But that's up to him for the most part."

Thomas patted Claire's shoulder as he noticed Asher in the doorway, stepping outside to speak to him. "What's the matter?" He asked, looking up at the taller man.

Asher looked Thomas in the eyes, knowing that if John was kept from Claire and his family much longer it would literally kill him. "John needs you guys." He stated. "He's getting sicker by the day, and he hasn't eaten in almost a week. I'm scared that if you keep him away much longer…" He didn't need to finish the sentence, Thomas knew what he was saying. John would probably die without the contact with his family, and each day that passed was only another step toward his death from starvation or possibly even suicide.

"We found out what happened with Clarissa." He sighed, looking up as Amelia and Jessop laughed while playing a game of tag. "It was a drunk driver."

Asher nodded, knowing how horrible it had been to lose his fiancée to a drunk driver when he was no more that twenty-five. "How is she?"

Thomas shook his head, remembering how frustrated she'd been at her physical therapy appointment the day before. "Better. She just needs more time."

"John asks about her every day when I check up on him."

"Do you think we could get guardianship back?" Thomas asked, his heart aching with the knowledge of the pain he'd caused John.

Asher smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I think that's best."

* * *

John fought against Asher and Sara as she tried to insert a feeding tube into his nose. "No!" He screamed, kicking out against his uncle as he held his head in place. "NO!"

Sara cursed as John's nose began to bleed from the rubber tube cutting the thin skin inside of his nostril. "John. Stop it." She forced the tubing deeper into John's nose, waiting for him to swallow to make it go into his esophagus and into his stomach. "Swallow." She ordered, so frustrated with him that she didn't care that he was practically sobbing from what was happening to him. "Johnathan. So help me-" Before she could finish her sentence John swallowed, letting the tube into his throat. "Good." She smiled, brushing his ratted hair back, as she started the little pump to get food into him. "Relax, baby. It's over."

Asher pushed his body weight off of his nephew, brushing a stray tear from his cheek and whipping the blood from his mustache where his nose had bled. "I'm sorry Johnny."

"Fuck you to hell." John cried, wishing he could rip the tube from his body and be done with this. But he knew that would cause more pain than it was worth. "Both of you."

Asher's heart ached with his words, knowing that what little trust he'd gained from John had been nearly lost with this act. "Rest." He turned John's light out, taking Sara's hand as they left the room. "God, I hate this." He whispered, leaning on Sara as they took a seat on the sofa together. "I just hope he trusts me after this is over."

Sara nodded, knowing how hard Asher had worked for the thimble of trust he'd gained from his nephews. "He will. He just needs time." She smiled, letting him lean her back on the cushions as his emotions took over. She felt his hand slide under her blouse, his callouses from years of construction work rough on her stomach as he slipped his fingers into her old jeans to unbutton them. "I love you." She whispered, as she slipped his shirt off to show a thick scar over his stomach where he'd been grazed by a bullet.


	144. Chapter 144

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Four**

John scratched Chance's ear as he listened to the pump fill his stomach with the liquid food replacement. So far, three hours had passed and he was already starting to get used to the stupid thing in his nose. He groaned as someone knocked on his door, opening his dark eyes to see that the person was none other than Thomas. "Mom?" He asked, his message clear as he slowly adjusted himself on the bed.

Thomas smiled, stepping toward John and flipping his light on. "She's fine." He took a seat on the edge of John's bed, gently touching his knee as the kid looked at him with fear in those eyes. "I wanted to speak with you."

John nodded, shaking his hair out of his face as he looked at the man who'd turned him away from his home. "Can I come home?"

Thomas nodded, shocked when the kid launched himself into his body, embracing him in a tight hug. "But a few things have changed." He stated, adjusting the feeding tube so it didn't get snagged on anything. "Dom moved out about a week ago. He's living with his girlfriend in Manchester Square. They dropped out of school after you disappeared and I haven't seen hide or hair of Dom since he left."

John balled his fists, knowing that Manchester Square was a rough spot to be but the apartments were cheap. "He's got a girlfriend?"

"Jessica's cousin. I think her name's Jade or something like that."

John nodded, pulling his knees up to his chest as he realized what he'd done. "He's being a dick again, isn't he?"

Thomas sighed, knowing that both of the Bender boys were spiteful as the devil and would do anything to piss each other off. "He's a lot like you." He chuckled, noticing John's sudden change in behavior as Asher's voice spoke behind him.

"You're both a lot like the three stooges, your uncles and Jacob." Asher stayed at a good distance from John, knowing better than to push the kids trust just yet.

John glared at his uncle, remembering his body squishing him as the tube was forced into his body. "Go fuck yourself." He growled, letting Thomas adjust the tube again.

Asher gave a cocky smirk, knowing if he wanted John's approval, he had to play John's game. "Can't. Sara drained my balls."

John couldn't hide his little smile, holding up his middle finger to Asher to hide the humor he found in his statement. "Sicko."

Thomas shook his head, handing John a paper that had the words 'IQ test scores' printed on it. "I thought you should see it first."

"The other test came back okay?" He asked, praying that he didn't have STDs and would be able to sleep with Claire after marriage.

Thomas nodded, smiling at the knowledge that John's body was miraculously clear of diseases. "You're free and clear."

John gave a broken smile, and Asher could have sworn that he saw a spark in those dark eyes that he'd inherited from his mother. "Thank God."


	145. Chapter 145

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Five**

John stepped through the door to the Breakfast Club house, stumbling backwards as Claire's body slammed against him her lips pressing to his in a firm kiss.

Clarissa chuckled as she watched the pair from her seat in her rocker in the sitting room. "There's my boy." She smiled, when Claire finally let him look at her. "Give me a hug."

John smiled, walking over to her and placing his backpack on the floor to hug her. "I missed you."

Clarissa squeezed him tight, pushing her tears back as she listened to his food pump in the bag at her feet. "You stopped eating again?" She asked, touching the tube that was taped to his cheek.

John dropped his gaze, guilt filling his chest as he thought about the weight he'd lost. "I couldn't eat without puking my guts out." He let her feel over his body, knowing that she was checking his weight under his shirt.

"Did you clean your cuts at all?" She asked, able to feel a lump under his shirt where he'd had a particularly deep cut.

John nodded, wincing as she squeezed the tender lump under his ribs. "Yeah."

She shook her head, knowing that the lump was an abscess from the infection that had been raging in that particular wound. "I'll have Ryan look at it when he gets home." She cupped his cheek in her palm, able to see that the drugs he'd been forced to take were wearing on him. The dark circles under his eyes were back, and his skin had turned almost ashy with how dull it had become. His hair was dry and brittle, and there were obvious signs of withdrawal in the shaking of his hands and the odd movements that his fingers made. "I'm so sorry that happened to you, Pumpkin." She kissed his head, trying to ignore the warmth of his skin on her lips. "If I could have stopped it, I would have."

He nodded, kneeling at her feet and resting his head on her lap as Chance licked her hand. "I'd rather take it than let you be in that accident."

Claire sat beside him, remembering John after Dominic had taken him to the hospital and listening to the doctors talking to her parents after the results of the rape kit had come back. Six men had forced John to take them, and it was a miracle that he didn't have any STDs from them. "I'm glad you're home." She sighed, kissing his neck as his body relaxed against the girls in his life.

He smiled, his lips cracking as the chapped skin stretched. "me too."

* * *

Kaylie leaned against Brian as they watched the meteor shower from the roof, smiling as the nerd wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders. "This is nice." She sighed, turning her green eyes to look at him.

He nodded, pointing to another constellation in the midnight sky. "That one's called Cassiopeia the Queen."

Kaylie squinted at the stars, struggling to see quite that far. "It looks like a big W."

He chuckled, showing her the outline of the queen. "She's sitting on a chaise, and that's her dress and feet. See? And over here is her glass of wine and her head is right here."

She squinted more, the whole thing still looking like a bunch of blurred out dots in the sky. "I don't see it."

Brian looked at her, noticing that she was struggling to see. "Do you need glasses?" He asked, knowing that she'd probably never had her eyes checked.

"I don't know." She stated, looking back to her boyfriend and kissing his lips. "I don't think I do."

He kissed her again, pushing his fingers into her choppily cut hair. "We'll ask mom about it tomorrow."

She nodded, resting her head on his shoulder to enjoy the rest of the night.


	146. Chapter 146

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Six**

Andy chuckled as he caught a glimpse of John and Claire in John's room, able to see that they were both happy for the first time in what seemed like forever. He watched as the pair held each other close in their sleep, noticing that the weighted blanket that John loved so much was draped over them. He knew that was a technique they'd been using to help with nightmares, but he wondered if John might be using it to help hide the bones that stuck out under his skin. He could hear the pump for John's feeding tube quietly hum as it filled John's stomach with the nutrition he desperately needed.

"Snooping?" Alison's quiet voice asked, as she wrapped her hair in a towel to let it dry from her shower.

He shook his head, pulling John's door a little bit farther closed as Claire stirred in her sleep. "Nah, just making sure they're okay." He gave her a little kiss, closing his blue eyes to focus on her more.

"I thought John was a fucking prick." She smiled, knowing that even though the two butted heads a lot, that Andy thought of John as his brother.

"He is. But he deserves someone to look out for him." He stepped back as Chance walked into John's bedroom and leapt onto the bed to lay under the curve of John's legs. "He won't admit it, but he needs us there for him."

Allison nodded, the glint of something in the bathroom catching her eye. "Is that John's razor?" She asked, picking up the straight razor as she noticed that it was still wet. "Did he shave?"

Andy nodded, remembering how John had struggled to hold the razor still against his face as he'd cut the hair from his jaw. "He needed help to do it. Those drugs he had in him made his hands shake pretty bad."

Allison sighed, drying the blade off, before folding it and placing it in John's tote of things below the sink. "Why?" She asked, knowing that Claire loved his beard.

He shrugged, rubbing his own chin. "He said it itched… but I think it might have something to do with those douchebags who raped him."

"I can't believe they did that..." She shook her head, remembering John's bare-naked body when she and Dominic had found him. How his body had still been wet with sweat and the fluids of the men who'd raped him. "How he could take six of them…"

Andy shuddered with the thought of John being forced into sex. "He's got that high pain tolerance going for him."

She nodded, kissing his neck as she listened to John start to talk in his sleep. "I wonder if he can even feel pain."

"He can. He just doesn't show it."

Claire rolled over, cracking her eyes open as Chance growled at her foot. "Shut up…" She mumbled, smiling at the weight of John's arm over her stomach. She touched his cheek, gently running her fingers over the tube taped to his face. She kissed his lips, feeling the steady heartbeat in his chest. "Good morning, Sugar." She breathed as his dark eyes opened, smiling as they turned to the color of caramel in the morning light.


	147. Chapter 147

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Seven**

John lifted his face to let Sara see the tube better, wincing as she began to pull it out of his body.

She sighed, as he gaged just before the end of the tube fell from his nose. "Now, you need to start eating by yourself. Otherwise this is going right back in there." She patted his shoulder, wishing that he would let Asher near him again. "Your uncle misses you."

"He's not my uncle." He growled, taking a glass of water from Tyler that he handed to him. "He's just like my old man." He rubbed his hand over his jaw, able to feel that he needed another shave. "Forces me under him so I feel trapped."

Sara turned to Clarissa as the woman struggled to stand on her own two feet. "Here, let me help." She placed her hands on Clarissa's shoulders as she slowly made her way to John's side.

"Johnny." She waited for him to look at her, noticing the small nicks on his cheeks where he'd cut himself with his straight razor. "Asher may look like Jacob, but he is not your father." She brushed his hair out of his face, hating that her movements were so much slower than they used to be. "He restrained you for your own good. He didn't want to see you starve yourself anymore." She shook her head, sighing at the memory of how stubborn John and his cousin could be. "You're all stubborn as a herd of mules; and I swear, one day, you're going to be the death of me." She met his dark eyes, cracking a little smile as a hint of Bender fight flashed in those pools. "But I will love every second of it."

* * *

Thomas placed a bowl of tomato soup in front of John, placing a grilled cheese sandwich next to it. "Eat." He ordered, taking a seat across the counter from him.

John glared at him, his eyes not quite black showing simple distain but not hate. "You're gonna watch me?" He asked, picking up the spoon and blowing on the steaming soup before he placed it in his mouth.

Thomas chuckled, placing a chocolate before the kid. "Eat that food, and I'll let you have some sweets." He smirked, bribing the teen as if he were a small child.

John growled, able to see what Thomas was trying to do. "I'm not three." He stated, taking another hesitant bite of food as his stomach adjusted to being filled with something other than a substitute.

Thomas nodded, reaching toward John until he moved away from him. "Cody found out where Dom's working… It's a tattoo shop down on 84th."

John nodded, happy to have any information on his cousin that he could get. "I've seen it."

Thomas's brow furrowed, wondering what John had been doing on that side of town. "When?" He asked, nearly missing the signs of a flashback before it hit. "John!" He gripped John's arms as he fought against imagined people, pulling him close to his chest as Chance laid on his lap when they settled on the floor. "Shh…" He soothed, his heart breaking with the cry from John.

"NO!" He screamed, fighting against Thomas as his arms and body became that of the biggest gangster who'd defiled him. "PLEASE! STOP!" He sobbed as Thomas held him tighter, practically able to feel his clothing being ripped away and the knifes biting into his flesh as he attempted to escape his captors. "NO!"

Thomas swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing his own hurt down as John screamed for mercy. "It's okay, Johnny… you're okay."

"STOP!" The boy cried his heart out. "PLEASE!"

Thomas grabbed a blanket from the basket wrapping it around John's shoulders so tightly that he might as well been a swaddled baby. "Shh... we'll get through this... I know we will."


	148. Chapter 148

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Eight**

Clarissa held John close as he seemed to have gone numb from the flashback, he hadn't responded to anything in hours, and shortly after the flashback had ended, he'd thrown up anything he had in his stomach at the moment. She sighed, resting her cheek on the top of his head as his dark eyes stayed fixed on the television as it played an old episode of Beverly Hillbillies. "Elli-may's pretty, huh?" She asked, smiling as her daughter handed her a cup of tea. "Thank you, baby."

Claire nodded, snuggling up to John's side. "John?" She asked, smiling when his eyes shifted to look at her. "Are you feeling better?"

He shrugged, pulling a small envelope from a pocket in his jeans. "Here."

Clarissa took the paper from him, reading the neat handwriting on the front. "You didn't open your test scores yet?" She opened the envelope, taking out the test scores and looking at them. "John!" She gasped, looking at the near genius score printed on the paper. "I always knew you were smart… but this… this is insane."

* * *

John squared his shoulders as he looked up at the little tattoo studio. "Finally getting to draw on me Dom." He pushed the door open, walking up to the counter and placing a new fake ID on the top. "I want a tattoo, from Dominic Bender." The girl behind the counter furrowed her brow, tilting her head at the boy. "There's no Dominic Bender here. But there is a Dominic Teller."

John rolled his eyes, knowing that was the name on Dominic's fake IDs. "He look like me?" He asked, listening as Dominic's voice laughed from the back.

She nodded, able to see the new kid's resemblance. "You could almost be his brother if it weren't for the eyes."

"He's my cousin. I'm Greek and he's Mexican. That's why our eyes are different." He looked up as he saw Dominic lean against the door way to glare at him. "You wanna mark me?" He asked, though it was more of an order than a question.

Dominic huffed, waving him back. "Fill out a waiver." He grunted, getting his tattoo gun set up and pouring some black ink into a little container for the needles to pick up. "What you want?" He asked, picking up a pen to freehand what John wanted on his arm.

"I want you to talk to me, dickhead." John stated, placing the sketch that Allison had done for him on the table as he pulled his old stained hoodie over his head. "I want fire on the bottom, and heaven above the words 'Saved by and Angel' and the date '3-24-84.'"

Dominic nodded, copying the sketch onto transfer paper and holding it to John's forearm just below the inside of his elbow. "How's Claire?" He asked, missing the little redhead who was always bouncing around John.

John watched as Dominic peeled the paper away to show the purple ink of the transfer on the surface of his skin. "She's doing pretty good." He watched as Dominic dipped the needle into the ink, focusing on his breath as Dominic began to make the drawing permanent.

Dominic pressed down hard on John's skin, driving the ink deep into his body. "Amelia?"

"Cut the shit, man." John winced, balling his fist as his fingers twitched from the pain. "Why did you run out on us?"

"I'm eighteen. I can move out whenever I want." He growled, letting up on the tattoo gun to refill the ink. "Besides, I don't belong there."

"Bullshit." John barked, popping his knuckles as the needles were forced into his flesh. "You belong there."

"Shut up Kurtis."

John glared at his cousin, looking up as a young woman with a long braid placed a sandwich on Dominic's drawing desk. "Is this about her?" He asked, nodding toward the scared girl beside him.

"Shut up."

"Fucking tell me."

Dominic huffed, looking up at his cousin with near hate in those eyes. "Yes."

John shook his head, looking up at Jade as she turned to leave. "Listen, Jade. I'm sorry I was such a dick to you. I shouldn't have done that." He stood, holding a hand out to her. "I hate people judging me for what I did, and the fact that I judged you for what your cousin did… let's just say… I'd rather have a dick up the ass than do that again."

Dominic shuddered at the memory of John covered in creamy white fluid, his naked body wet with cum and sweat as he'd loaded his limp body into the old Ford truck he'd fixed up a few months ago. He remembered draping his old jacket over John's hips, as Allison had attempted to clean him up. He could practically see the blood and other fluids on his cousin's body, able to feel John's scarred skin under his hands.

"Dom, I'm sorry." John let his cousin go back to tattooing him, noticing that he'd let up on the pressure he'd been using. "Allison told me about you and her finding me… I didn't realize that I ruined your favorite coat and the truck seats."

Jade looked up at Dominic, wondering what exactly had caused the stains on the truck's backseats. "What happened?"

John met his cousin's eyes, nodding to give him the okay to tell her.

"John was raped by a bunch of gay fags… and I found him and took his to the hospital before I got the apartment deposit together and we moved out here."

Jade watched as shame flooded over John, taking a seat beside him and watching as Dominic marked John's skin with black ink. "My Mom died from Aids after she was raped… I think that's why my Dad was so against you when Jess tried to blame you…"

John nodded, closing his eyes and letting the pain of the tattoo ground him. "I would never do that to another human." He remembered the men ripping his clothes from his body, the pain of them driving into him the humiliation as they'd jerked him off. "I could never put someone through that pain."


	149. Chapter 149

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Nine**

Dominic finished up John's tattoo, placing some plastic wrap over the new art in John's skin and taping it down. "Alright, wash this up tonight before you go to bed, and put some lotion on it. It'll itch like hell in a couple days."

John looked at the tattoo, running his finger over it as it started to feel as if he'd gotten a sunburn. "You finally got to draw on me…"

Dominic chuckled, remembering the last time he'd tried to get John to let him tattoo him. "Doesn't feel as bad as those burns, huh?"

"Looks a hell of a lot better too." He smiled, pulling his hoodie over his head and placing two hundred dollars on the counter to pay his cousin. "Paul and Thomas are making barbeque for dinner tonight, if you and Jade wanna come." He smiled at his cousin, flexing his fingers around the key at his neck. "Sweets misses you."

"We'll be there." Dominic walked with John to the waiting room, noticing that his old Harley was sitting in the parking lot. "You got cleared?" He asked, hardly able to believe that his cousin was finally driving again.

"They cleared me right before they let me out of the hospital. I just got my license renewed this morning." John swung his leg over the motorcycle, pulling his helmet on before he started it. "I'll see you tonight."

* * *

John rolled into the driveway, parking his bike behind Claire's car. "What the hell are you doing out here?" He chuckled, walking over to Clarissa as she sat in her chair beside the pool.

She looked up from watching Amelia and Jessop play in the pool. "Where were you?" She asked, noticing how he was being more protective of his left arm than he normally was.

He chuckled, taking his hoodie off to show the tattoo on his arm. "Went to see Dom."

"Johnathan Kurtis!" She gasped, taking his wrist in her hand to see the tattoo better. "You got a tattoo?"

He nodded, combing the fingers of his free hand through Amelia's soaked hair as she came to see. "I needed to talk to Dom and I figured a tattoo would take longer than a piercing." He kissed Amelia's head as she reached toward his arm.

"Johnathan." Clarissa huffed, noticing that his skin was irritated from the tattoo. "Why do you do these things? Riding that motorcycle, getting a tattoo…"

John smiled, kneeling in front of the woman who'd become like his mother. "Mom, I'm still your little boy. I just need to make sure I don't lose myself at the same time." He rested his hand on her arm, letting Amelia climb into his lap and kissing the child's head.

Clarissa shook her head, the image on John's arm standing out like a beacon against his skin. "I just wish you had really been mine." She whispered, brushing her fingers though his hair.

He breathed a laugh, remembering how horrible it had felt when the thugs had defiled him and knowing that his father had always been a sick bastard and remembering the screams his mother had made during the forced act. "You wouldn't have liked my conception."

Amelia touched his tattoo, drawing her hand back at the heat of his inflamed skin under her fingers. "It's hot."

"It's just new." He smiled, poking her stomach as she cuddled into his bare chest. "Wanna help me take care of it?"

She nodded, jumping up and rushing to the house. "Come on!"

He shook his head, picking at the tape around the plastic that protected the new tattoo. "Get some of Claire's lotion from under the counter."


	150. Chapter 150

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty**

John sat at the counter as Amelia lathered antibacterial soap over his tattoo, wincing as the friction of her skin against his irritated it.

"The soap's turning black…" She stated, watching him pick up a paper towel and wipe the suds away.

He nodded, picking up the container of coconut scented body butter that they'd raided from Claire's bathroom stuff. "That's alright. Dom said the ink would bleed out a little." He smeared the lotion over his skin, looking up as Claire's laugh reached his ears. "Hey Sweets." He smiled, helping Amelia as she tried to cover his tattoo again.

She shook her head, noticing that his skin was beginning to return to its healthy tan. His eyes were still surrounded by dark circles and the whites were still slightly off colored, but he was slowly starting to get better. She looked at the tattoo, gently touching it and jumping away when he flinched. "Sorry-" She started, stopping when she saw his goofy grin that always appeared when he was messing with someone. "You asshole!" She playfully hit his shoulder, giggling as he pulled her onto his lap. "I thought I hurt you."

He chuckled, kissing her tenderly as he pushed his hands into her fiery hair. He parted his lips, letting her slide her tongue into his mouth. He moaned, the sound vibrating deep in his chest as her hand pressed over his heart. He nipped at her lips, pleased at the gasp of pleasure from her. He stood from his seat, moving her so that her legs were straddling his hips walking to the living room. He laid her back against the sofa cushions, smirking as her ankles locked behind his hips. He felt her move against him, pulling away as he realized he couldn't let anyone touch him yet. The memory of the six thugs touching him and forcing him to take them was still too fresh in his mind. "No." He rasped, closing his eyes against the memory.

Claire sat up, releasing his hips from between her legs. "You alright?" She asked, noticing how his hands began to shake. "John?"

"No." He choked, fighting back the tears as the image of the thugs tying his hands behind his back and securing his legs so that he was spread eagle began to surface. "I'm not."

Claire scooted closer, placing her hand on his arm and turning his head to look at her. "Talk to me." She looked into his dark eyes, praying that she could somehow help him. "You need to talk. If not with me, then with a therapist. You can't go through life like this. With this horrible guilt building behind that wall you keep." She brushed her fingers over a long-faded scar on his jaw, able to see the dying spark behind his eyes. "If you keep bottling it all up… then… I can't be with you. You're too explosive when you hide your emotions. And I can't marry someone like that."

He nodded, closing his eyes and leaning into her touch. "I'm not worthy of you…" He started, letting the last few bricks in his wall crumble. "I just want to give you what you deserve." He heaved a breath, placing his hand over the top of hers. "I… I feel like… like I'm filthy. Like… no matter what I do, I'll always be dirty. Like their cum will never be washed from my body."

She pulled him close, remembering the little that Allison had told her about finding John. "You are what so much more than what happened to you." She whispered, nipping at his earlobe as he tilted his head to allow her close to his neck. "And I will always love you, no matter what." She breathed, her breath fanning over his jawline as she began kissing him.


	151. Chapter 151

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-One**

Thomas pulled his tie off, his brow furrowing as he noticed that John's bedroom door was closed. He knocked on John's door, praying that his daughter wasn't inside with him. "John?" He heard something bump on the ground, and hushed voices inside. "John, open this door."

John swung his door open, wedging his body between the wall and the door as he tried to smooth his mussed hair. "Yes, Sir?" He asked, his breath rushed as he looked up at him.

"Is Claire in there?" He asked, trying to force past John.

"No." He stated, rubbing his hand over his side as he spoke. "Kaylie took her to pick out Halloween costumes."

Thomas placed his hand on John's door, noticing that John's body was shimmering with sweat. "What are you doing in there?" He asked, forcing John's door open. "What are you doing in here?" He asked, noticing that the desk was covered in paint, glitter, and all manor of other craft supplies, and that he had several pin pricks in his fingers and that he even had a small cut on the back of his hand.

"I, um, I was making something for Amelia for Halloween…" He picked at an old scar on his arm, letting Thomas see the project. "I thought she might like to be a cat for Halloween… so I made her some glittery cat ears with reflective tips."

Thomas chuckled, shaking his head at the fact that John would have glitter in his room for years afterwards. "She wants to be you for Halloween." He motioned to John's tattoo. "She's even gonna ask Dom to draw your tattoo on her arm."

"No one'll know who the hell she is." He stated, having completely forgotten about the record deals the band had been offered after the Battle of the Bands.

Thomas chuckled, placing a paper that only needed one last signature on it. "LA Records, wants to sign you guys. If you sign this, people will know who you are."

John smirked, reading over the label deal before he signed it. "We've gotta get Dom back into bass playing."

"Don't worry about it. We'll get him back to it."

Claire watched as John and the rest of the band plugged their instruments into the recording booth, listening to them begin to play. She smiled as John's rough tones filled her ears, the gravel of his voice nearly as sweet as his kiss.

"You know I need a fix when I fall down You know I need to find a way To get me through another day Please be the one to numb me Hold me when the Demons choke me out they're Never gonna let me get away The shoulder I cry on The dose that I die on You, you can be my painkiller, killer, killer I'll love you till it's all over, over 'Cause you're the shoulder I cry on The dose that I die on you, you can be my painkiller, killer, killer You know what I want so desperately I know you'll give me one for free Forever You're coming back to me Now I'm gonna give us what we need 'Cause I know what we fiend on and what we lean on And what we lean on The shoulder we cry on The dose that we die on You, you can be my painkiller, killer, killer I'll love you till it's all over, over 'Cause you're the shoulder I cry on The dose that I die on I, I can be your painkiller, killer, killer Did we find another cure? Did we find another cure? You, you can be my painkiller, killer, killer You'll love me till it's all over, over 'Cause you're the shoulder I cry on the dose that I die on You, you can be my painkiller, killer, killer Painkiller."

Clarissa watched as John relaxed as he played his guitar, able to see that high he always got with the music. "I can't believe he wrote that…" She smiled, knowing that he was speaking about his addiction to Oxy and how Claire was able to stop his pain. She smiled at her daughter, able to see that she was enjoying his music.

Amelia twirled around the studio, as John's voice continued to sing his songs. "You'll love me till it's all over, over…" She sang, the bottom of John's old flannel fanning out around her hips as she spun in the too-big shirt.

Vernon watched as John swayed slightly, his brow furrowing at the unusual movement from the kid. "Does he look a little unsteady?" He asked, looking over to Thomas and Asher just before John collapsed.

* * *

Ryan pricked John's finger with a small pin, wiping a drop of blood onto a test strip and placing it in the reader. "Low blood sugar." He stated, taking a jar of honey from his bag and placing a small amount on John's lips. "Give him a second. He'll come around once he gets that in his system." He smiled as John's tongue darted out of his mouth, licking the honey from his lips. "There you go."

Claire brushed her fingers through John's hair, happy that he'd only had low blood sugar and not anything more serious. "He'll be okay?"

Ryan nodded, patting John's chest as he began to come out if it. "He'll be fine."


	152. Chapter 152

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Two**

Amelia giggled as John placed the headphones he'd been wearing on her ears, listening as the music to Jack and Diane started to play when John lifted her onto his hip. She bit her tongue as he began the lyrics, watching his lips move and his voice through the headphones.

He smiled at her, knowing that this would be on a special tape just for him and her. He showed her a paper that he'd written the lyrics on in his best penmanship, dropping his volume as Amelia's voice started to blend with his. He glanced at Claire able to imagine her riding on the back of his Harley with her arms wrapped around his waist. He chuckled at the end of the song, taking the headphones back and setting Amelia on the floor before he smoothed the flannel she'd stolen from him down over her hips so that her little pink panties didn't show. "You need to start wearing leggings with that, Squirt." He laughed, giving her a little whap on the hind end. "I don't need to see your underpants."

She wrinkled her nose at him, sticking her tongue out. "You let us all see your panties all the time."

He cocked a brow at her, kneeling down to look at her. "First of all: I don't wear panties, I wear boxers or underwear. Second of all: I stopped walking around in just my boxers two weeks ago. And third of all: You are too small to let guys see your panties yet."

She nodded, knowing that he'd had something happen that had stopped him from walking around in his underwear after he'd disappeared for all those days. She remembered him shouting at Claire about something called rape, but she still didn't know what that word meant. Her mom had told her that it was something only really sick people did… but she still wasn't sure what it was and why it had made John have such bad flashbacks. Those had always scared her, but these ones were even more terrifying than the usual ones. He got these ones a lot more often too, and he always screamed like he was in pain with these. "Okay." She smiled, pretending that she wasn't thinking of those times. She'd learned to mask her thoughts around John and the others, knowing that John always felt horrible when he thought he'd upset her. So, she'd started pretending she didn't know or care about what was happening. "Can you and Sweets sing something for my tape?" She asked, bouncing up at down when he nodded. "Can you sing a love song?"

"How about we sing Endless Love?" He smiled, opening the door for Claire to come into the recording booth.

"Yeah!" Amelia cheered, jumping into Cody's arms as he picked her up so she could watch John better.

Claire and John chuckled, giving each other a small kiss that was filled with comfort and love before they started singing. "One, two, three, four." John spoke into the mic, strumming the first chords on his guitar.

* * *

Dominic settled on the sofa in the Breakfast Club house, resting his arm over Jade's shoulders as she snuggled into his side. "So, what exactly happened to Clarissa?" He asked, looking around the group of teens for an answer.

Kaylie leaned her head back as Brian played with her hair, closing her eyes in bliss as his fingers massaged her scalp. "Thomas and her got in a big fight, and she was in a car wreck from a drunk driver."

Dominic growled, only relaxing slightly when Jade placed her hand over his heart. "Did they find the guy?" He asked, letting Jade kiss his jawline.

John nodded, patting Claire's hip as an attempt to calm himself. "They just gave him a fine." He growled, remembering how he and Clarissa had butted heads for days while he was trying to help her learn to walk again. "She can barely fucking walk by herself, and they just made him pay a Goddamn fine."

Dominic scoffed, already plotting a way to get even. "Fucking prick." He mumbled, and John could see the revenge in his eyes.

It was the same look he'd see in his father his entire life, the same look he remembered after he'd been forced to watch him rape his mother. "Dom." He shook his head when his cousin looked at him. "It's not worth it. If we fuck the guy up, we're just as good as Jacob and Rueben."

Dominic glared at his cousin, wondering what had happened that had made him so docile. "John, he almost killed her. She can hardly walk. You think we should just sit by and let him do this to another family?" He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "What if he'd killed her? What if Amelia or Claire had been in the car with her? Would you be sitting by like this if they'd been in that wreck?"

"Dom, we've fought our whole lives. It's time to lay down our guns and let things go." He stated, taking Claire's hand in his own as she offered it. "I'm done fighting. I don't want any more bloodshed or pain, it's time for me to step back." He kissed Claire's lips, his eyes softening as he looked into her eyes. "To be there for my Sweets."


	153. Chapter 153

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Three**

Clarissa smiled as she made her way through the living room, chuckling at the sight before her. John was passed out on the sofa, one arm wrapped around Claire as she napped against his chest. She brushed her fingers through John's hair, chuckling at the way his nose wrinkled up. "Oh Johnny…" She remembered the first time she'd seen him, he'd only been in kindergarten with Claire. His hair had been dirty and unbrushed, he'd been the smallest in his class, and every time the teacher had gotten close to him, he'd shied away. How she'd missed those signs of abuse in him, she had no idea, but the guilt of letting him continue to live that way still haunted her to this day. "I wish I had known…"

He moaned in his sleep, his head turning until his nose was buried in Claire's hair. "No…"

Clarissa moved away from him, recognizing the signs of a nightmare as his muscles tightened and his brow furrowed. "Please don't be too bad…"

Claire woke a few seconds before the nightmare set in completely, nudging John awake as he began to cry out in his sleep. "Babe." She mumbled, kissing his lips as he woke. "Nightmare again."

He sighed, leaning his head back on the arm of the couch as he began to relax. "Sorry."

Clarissa smiled, waving at the young couple to follow her downstairs to the basement. "Come on you two, I've got something to show you."

John pushed himself up, taking Claire's hand as they walked to the basement.

"Close your eyes." Mary smiled, taking their hands as they cover their eyes. She led them down the stairs, stopping right in the middle of the room. "Open them!"

"Holy shit…" John breathed, looking around at the sound proofing and the recording equipment placed in the room. "Is this our own recording studio?"

Asher wiped a few beads of sweat from his brow, placing his hammer in the toolbelt at his hips. "Yep."

* * *

John looked up at the school, his time for play had passed, and it was time for him to go back to school. He swung his leg over the seat of his motorcycle, tucking his helmet under his arm, letting Chance out of the side car she rode in, and placing his sunglasses over his eyes. He sneered at a few of the kids who were watching him with fear, making sure they knew he was an alfa even with his limp and addictions. Sure, he wasn't interested in fighting anymore, but Principal Anderson had been calling nearly every day about boxing team try-outs and he was determined to find a way to show that he wasn't weak.

He stopped at his locker, taking his Spanish book out and slamming it closed before he started toward his class. He glared at Mrs. Hernandez as he walked in with Chance as his heals, slamming his book down on his desk as letting Chance curl up on his coat to settle down for the class.

Toby leaned forward, tapping John on the shoulder. "Hey, Bender." He smiled as John turned around, offering him a lunch bag of chocolate chip cookies that he and his sister had made. "Emma and I made these for you. She saw you with Claire after the storm and she thought you were looking like you needed some comfort food."

John chuckled, taking the cookies from the blond. "Thanks man. Means a lot right now."

Toby grinned, noticing that in the last few weeks John's weight had dropped drastically. "You're trying out for the boxing team, right?" He asked, knowing that John would be in at least one weight class lower than he should be. "Because you're gonna need a little more weight on you."

John nodded, fighting the urge to eat the cookies with the knowledge that they would all come up again if he did eat them. "Don't worry, I'll get some weight packed on soon."


	154. Chapter 154

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Four**

John smiled as Chance happily trotted along beside him to boxing tryouts, knowing that he couldn't let her into the gym or she would get protective of him when the punches started flying. "Alright Chancie, you've gotta stay in the locker room. I can't take you into the gym with me this time." He scratched her head, pulling his t-shirt over his head and tossing it into his gym locker. He could feel the eyes of the other boys on him, knowing that they were staring at his scars. He quickly replaced his t-shirt with an old tank-top, knowing it would give him more range of motion and harder hits.

"Hey, um, Bender?" Asked one of the Jocks who'd bullied John since he'd started at this school, motioning to his back. "What happened to you?"

John combed his hair out of his face with his fingers, the oily locks shining in the light. "You might not know this… but back in Chicago, I grew up in the hood. My old man beat the shit outta me every day after school, until he was thrown in the slammer. Most of these are his doing, but a few are from street gangs and old fights back when I was too high to remember my own name half the time."

The jock's eyes widened, guilt flooding his chest as he thought about all he'd but the kid through. "Fuck man… how can someone do that to a kid?"

John gave a broken smile, a breath that passed for a laugh escaping him. "I'd blame it on booze and drugs, but let's just say my folks were really fucked up."

* * *

"Alright. I want only the best fighters in the team. The one's who have the drive to take us to nationals. You'll be put through a series of tests." Coach Lauchner paced before the like of teens, noticing that one of them had shaggy hair, was well underweight, and looked about ready to drop at the first hit. "First, you'll run the mile. We do this every day before practice, it is not an option. Next, you'll weigh in, if you're under the 140 mark, you won't get on the team. Then we'll start you on the heavy bags, and move to sparring. Am I clear?"

The teens all gave a loud 'yes Sir' and within second's Coach Lauchner had blown his whistle that signaled for them to start running. He took a seat on the bleachers, taking a drink of water as he noticed that the skinny kid was already falling behind. "Poor son of a bitch…" He mumbled, his brow furrowing as the kid suddenly kicked up his speed. He watched as the muscles in the kid's legs flexed with each stride, passing up most of the athletes who'd been the sport stars of the school since freshman year. He stood, taking his hat off as the kid sprinted for more than a half mile, passing up each and every one of the jocks and stopping at the finish without even being short of breath. "How the hell?" He looked at the sickly kid, checking his clip board for a name. "What's your name kid?"

"John Bender." He stated, taking a slow drink of water as he wiped a little bit of sweat from his brow. "New kid."

Coach Lauchner gave him a puzzled look, leading him over to the scale to weigh in. "How tall are you?" He asked, moving a little weight until the bar was balanced with John's exact weight displayed.

"Five feet ten inches." He stated, standing as still as possible.

"That can't be… You're too light to be that tall…"

John bowed his head, able to see that he hadn't made it in the weight class. "I promise Sir. I'm five foot ten."

Toby saw the embarrassment wash over John, stepping forward to speak up so he didn't feel so down. "He's just a little thin. It runs in his family." He smiled as John looked up at him, able to see a glimmer of thanks in his eyes. "He can put the weight on though. I've seen him do it." He stepped on the scale after John had stepped down, showing that he was high in his weight class. "I'll go on a diet with him. If I can take my weight down and he can get his up in a week, you have to let him on the team. I've seen him fight. He's the best in the school -against any class."

Coach Lauchner shook his head, doubting that either boy could get to the weight they needed. "One week. You each need ten pounds to get into the class you're saying you can. Toby needs to lose ten and John needs to gain ten. Come back on next Monday to weigh in again."

Toby smiled, looking over at John as he gave a little smirk. "We can do it man."

John nodded, shaking Toby's hand as they settled on the bleachers to watch the other's finish tryouts. "Why'd you do that?" He asked. "You were in. You could have been in the next weight class."

Toby chuckled, patting John's shoulder. "It's the least I could do… you were so freaked when that storm hit, that I knew something had to have happened to you."

John breathed a laugh, the feeling of Toby's skin on his sending a jolt of fear down him as he remembered the harsh hands of the gang on him. "Thanks."


	155. Chapter 155

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Five**

John pulled the shower curtain closed, before he began undressing, he'd already pushed himself far enough when changing into his gym clothes in front of everyone, he couldn't take the chance of a flashback especially in school. If anyone knew what had happened to him… he couldn't take the humiliation if they knew. He turned on the water, chuckling as Chance's nose poked between the curtain and the shower's wall. "Hey, Chancie." He laughed, lathering soap over his body and taking extra care of the still healing scars on his back, able to feel the upside down cross carved into his skin. "Ah!" He jumped as Chance licked his leg, smiling as he realized it was only the dog. "Chance, fetch my towel." He ordered, making the sign he'd taught her for fetch with his fingers.

The pit bull's tail wagged as she took off for her master's towel, growling at one of the bigger Jocks when he tried to pet her.

"Hey! Bender!" He pulled the curtain of John's shower back, pausing in shock when John screamed, dropping his soap and curled in a ball on the floor.

"NO!" He screamed, pressing his back to the wall as he stared in horror at something that wasn't there. "Please!"

Toby rushed forward, noticing the odd fear in John's eyes. "Get Principal Anderson." He ordered, shutting the water to John's shower off and wrapping a towel around him despite how he tried to fight him off. "Bender. Bender, relax." He reached toward John, noticing how he was trying to protect his body -specifically his genitals. "Bender, it's okay."

"NO!" He screamed, his body going tense as the pain of one of the thugs slapping him after he'd fought against the ropes started to burn in his body. "DON'T!" He gasped, as the memory of the first man easing into him became real in his terror filled mind. "PLEASE!"

Toby knelt beside John, watching as his body acted as if he were being choked and listening as he gagged as if something were being forced down his throat. "Bender…"

Principal Anderson appeared only a few seconds later, able to see that John was in the middle of a flashback. "Johnathan…" He reached toward the boy, able to see that he had tears streaming down his face from the pain his body was imagining. He lifted John's naked body from the floor, jumping when the kid kicked out at him before he pulled a pair of boxers on his boney hips and wrapped him in his blazer before he rushed him to the teacher's lounge to have some privacy until the flashback ended. "Shh… it's alright, you're okay." He pushed the door to the lounge open, whispering a curse as John's body gave a horrible lurch and a gut-wrenching scream of pain escaped him.

"PLEASE! STOP! IT HURTS!" He could feel the men stretching him out, the pain almost unbearable. "NO!" He cried, as Principal Anderson, laid him on the small couch and covered him with a blanket. "STOP! PLEASE!"

Mrs. Hernandez watched for a moment as John's body writhed on the couch, recognizing the pain that he'd felt. "Johnathan…" She knelt beside the sofa, looking into his terror-filled eyes as she brushed his hair away from his face. "Cálmese…" She soothed, trying to ignore the scars covering John's body as they shone in the light with the water and sweat on his skin. "Estas bien…" She smiled as he started to come out of it, able to see the change in those dark eyes. "There you go…"


	156. Chapter 156

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Six**

Mrs. Hernandez smiled as John slowly pushed himself to sit up, steadying him with a hand on his shoulder when she noticed the shaking in his muscles. "Ahí tienes." She soothed, noticing that his breath was rushed and the air was leaving his lungs in harsh breaths that were left from his years of smoking. "You're alright."

He looked at her, his brow furrowing for a moment, before he launched at her, his strong arms nearly crushing her in his hug. "Gracias." He breathed, squeezing his eyes shut as he found comfort in her arms. He'd never liked Mrs. Hernandez, but for some reason she'd changed her attitude toward him.

She shushed him, moving to sit on the sofa as to hold him better. "I know what happened…" She spoke in Spanish, knowing that the other teachers didn't know enough to know what they were talking about. "I know what they did."

John pushed away from her, fear in his eyes as she rolled the sleeve of her dress up to show the upside-down cross cut into her skin. "They… they?" He looked at her almost forgetting to speak in Spanish. "When?"

Her eyes softened, remembering the faces of two teens who'd looked far too much like this child as they'd abused her and taken every pleasure from her with that gang. "I was fifteen. I don't remember much of it… but I remember two young men who looked almost exactly like you in that gang." She handed John a towel so he could dry himself off better, noticing the new wounds on his back that showed that it had been the same gang. "They were twins…"

John's lip curled, remembering the day his father had tried to get him into the branch of the gang that had followed them to Chicago. "They were triplets actually." He growled. "They were my old man and my uncle. I never told anyone about the family being involved with the Dead Cross gang… but my granddad started it years ago… Jacob and Rueben got into it, and… part of initiation is you have to take someone at marked locations. And the first part of that… is before you can get a map to the locations… you have to willingly give yourself to the gang." He looked up at her, remembering how Jacob had bribed him with food. "Jacob… he tried to get me into it when I was nine… when I refused… he forced me to watch him take my mother. He tied me to the door, and when he caught me trying not to watch… he'd whip me until I watched." He took a breath, balling his fists. "I guess, I kinda got initiated anyway…"

Mrs. Hernandez gave a little smile, rubbing his back as Principal Anderson brought his clothes in along with Chance carrying his Converse. "It gets better with time."

* * *

Toby set a huge plateful of food in front of John, noticing the hunger and fear in his eyes. "Dude, eat. You've gotta put on ten pounds by next week."

John looked at Claire, hesitantly picking up his fork and taking a bite of the mashed potatoes. "This is too much…" He mumbled, swallowing before he continued. "I can't eat all of this."

Claire dropped her gaze, fully aware that John's body would most likely reject the food when he finished eating. "You can. It's just a matter of keeping it down."

He turned on her, confusion in his eyes. "How did you-"

"I heard you throwing up after dinner last night." She stated, turning back to her pizza. "And after lunch and breakfast."

He pushed his tongue into his cheek, looking up as Toby began munching on his salad. "If you really wanna lose weight, get drugged with a bunch of new drugs without a name and try to force yourself to eat."

Toby swallowed, his brow furrowing. "Don't you have any appetite anymore?"

John shook his head, looking around the table that the Breakfast Club had claimed from day one. "No. If I could live without eating, I would never think of it."

Andy pushed a can of Coke toward his friend knowing that was his favorite. "I heard Ryan and Sara talking about trying the tube again after your last weigh in." He took Allison's hand in his own. "But I think if they do it they're gonna sedate you to avoid the fight."

John nodded, knowing that tube was his best chance to gain what he needed. "As much as I hate that damn thing, I'd rather have that down my throat than be puking my guts out."

Toby looked between the group, puzzled as to what 'the tube' could be. "What is that?" He asked, noticing the look that passed between John and Claire that seemed to hold an entire conversation.

Claire sighed, resting her hand on John's as he began to act as if he were getting sick. "It's a feeding tube. Basically-"

"Excuse me." John stood, rushing toward the bathroom with a hand pressed to his stomach.

"Basically, it gets the nutrition he needs to survive into him, so that he can avoid that." She finished, watching as Brian stood to check on their friend. "See, he… already eats so little, and after he disappeared for those few days… he stopped eating completely. He hasn't had a solid meal in almost two weeks and when he does manage to keep one down, it's not near enough of what he needs."

Toby looked toward the restroom, hardly able to believe that John was able to go so long without a full stomach. "Woah…"


	157. Chapter 157

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Seven**

Brian waited outside of the bathroom stall for John to finish puking. He knew that John hated anyone to know when he was sick, but he also knew that John had a tendency to pass out for a few minutes after throwing up. He listened as John retched and gagged, able to hear when he was only dry heaving and when his stomach had been completely emptied. "John?" He asked as silence fell over the room, gently pushing the stall open to see John hunched over with his head resting on his arms. "You alright?" He placed his hand on John's back, able to feel that his heartrate was slowly returning to normal. "Hey? You awake?"

John gave a shuddering breath, letting Brian know that he was still conscious. "Hurts…"

Brian nodded, remembering the way he'd felt when he'd gotten influenza when he was twelve. "Do you want me to ask the nurse for some Advil?" He offered, praying that it would somehow help with the pain.

"No." John stated, shaking his head. "I want Mom."

Brian sighed, patting Chance's head as she sat at her master's side. "You want me to get Claire?"

John was still for a moment, before he nodded his head. "Yeah…"

Brian smiled, scratching Chance's cropped ears as he stood. "I'll be right back." He pushed the door to the restroom open, nearly bumping into Claire as she waited for John to come out.

"How is he?" She asked, noticing that Brian's new button-up shirt was slightly rumbled from him kneeling on the floor.

"He wants you." He stated, letting her inside of the men's room to see her boyfriend.

She wet a paper towel under the faucet, placing it on the back of John's neck to help his body relax. "Hey, Sugar." She smiled, touching his cheek with the back of her knuckles and smoothing them over his skin. "I'm here."

John lifted his gaze to her, his eyes showing just how broken he'd become. "Help…" He breathed, leaning his head on her chest.

She nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. He wanted help and shelter from the storm raging inside of him, the battle between sobriety and a high; he wanted help finding himself again… and though he knew that no one could help him with that, he wanted someone to lean on and to love him like he'd never felt before. "I can't help you…" She sighed, pressing a kiss to his head. "You have to make the choices." It killed her to speak those words, every fiber of her being wanted to help him, to make the choices for him, to protect him, but she would never be able to do it all. "Just breathe for a second." She smiled as he took a long breath, moving his head so that his ear was over her heart. "There you go…"

* * *

John gave Chance the sign for load up that he'd taught her, chuckling as she jumped into the side car of his Harley. "Good girl." Though he was both mentally and physically exhausted, he knew he couldn't stay away from his job any longer. It'd been three weeks since he'd been able to get to work and he knew that the Cooks were getting worried about him because they'd been calling Clarissa a lot. He pulled his helmet on, hating the way it fit over his face with the wind mask that Clarissa had insisted he wear to protect his entire head incase he crashed on his bike.

"John!" Claire's voice called, making John flip the mask up to speak to her better. "I'll bring you something to snack on when I get home. But I have to take Amelia to ballet class before I can get home."

He chuckled, pulling her closer to the bike with a hand around her hips. "I can eat when I get home. I get off at six."

Chance barked, telling John that she was ready for her ride.

"I'm bringing you some food. I don't want you passing out from low blood sugar again." She kissed his knuckles, wishing that the helmet would let her kiss his face. "Besides, I like seeing you all covered in grease and oil."

He chuckled shaking his head as he started his bike. "I'll see you later then." He shouted over the roar of the bike, flipping his visor down as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Chad beamed when he saw John take his helmet off, walking over to the kid and giving him a hard pat on the shoulder. "There he is!" He laughed, ruffling the kid's hair. "Thought for sure you were dead."

John chuckled, placing his sunglasses over his eyes and clipping a leash to Chance's new service dog vest that was supposed to tell people not to touch her without permission. "Nah. Takes a lot more to kill a stubborn son of a bitch like me." He gave a short whistle, telling Chance to heel to him when she started getting excited at all the activity of the shop. "Death tried to take me a few months ago, but that jackass didn't realize that even a hundred mils meth of can't kill a Bender."

Chad shook his head, fighting against the urge to pet Chance as she panted happily beside her master. "What's the pooch's name?" He asked, praying that John would let him pet the fur-baby.

John smiled, able to tell that Chad was itching to love on Chance. "Her name's Chancie." He let her walk over to Chad, watching as he knelt down to love on her. "She's a rescue… kinda like me…"

Frank tapped on one of the cars that John and Chad were standing beside. "Good to have you back, Kiddo." He smirked, jumping as the phone rang. "Oh God…" He rushed for the phone, picking it up and almost instantly going into a panic. "Okay, okay sweetheart, breathe, breathe. It's alright… it's alright…" He looked at his watch, cursing under his breath. "Um… I'll see if one of the guys can give us a ride to the hospital… just… remember to breathe, and try to stay calm."

John's brow furrowed, as he noticed that Frank was starting to panic. "Everything alright?" He asked, letting Chance lick Frank's hand.

"Julia's in labor. I need to get to the house and take her to the hospital." He looked at John, realizing that he wasn't even scheduled for the day, and hadn't clocked in yet. "Bender… I hate to ask you this-"

"Sure thing, man." He grabbed a set of keys for the blue Chevy he'd fixed up. Thanking God that they hadn't sold it yet. "Hop in." He gave a shrill whistle, opening the door to let Chance jump into the cab.


	158. Chapter 158

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Eight**

Chance laid over Frank's lap as his panic grew with every passing second, trying to calm the man's anxiety as her master kept himself calm while they sped through the city. She whimpered as John pinched her tail between the shifter and his hand, gently licking Frank's arm in an attempt to calm him.

"Oh God." Frank gasped, noticing that John had been completely silent for a majority of the drive. "What if we can't get to the hospital in time? I don't know the first thing about delivering a baby."

John popped the clutch, shifting into the next gear as he raced the yellow light. "Don't worry about it." He stated gruffly, starting to slow as Frank motioned to a building to the right.

"That's it." He stated, his hand trembling as John pulled the parking break and jumped out of the truck. "John… what if it dies…"

John shook his head, waiting for Frank to unlock the door. "It won't." He growled, taking the keys from Frank's hand as a woman's pained cry reached his ears. "Give me those." He unlocked the door, shoving it open only to see that Julia was knelt beside she and Frank's bed holding her stomach as the contractions seized her. "Julia?" He knelt beside the young woman, looking into her eyes as he forced himself to remain calm. "How close are they?" He asked, taking her hand as she reached for him.

Frank hovered in the doorway to their studio apartment, unsure of what to do. "How can I-"

"Get clean towels and start warming them up on the heater." John ordered, wrapping his skinny arms around Julia's torso and lifting her onto the bed. "We don't have time." He pressed her shoulders into the pillows, clearing the blankets away from her body as she began to push. "Call 911!" He called, rushing to the small kitchen to wash his hands and take his flannel off so that any of Chance's hair didn't contaminate the birth.

Julia screamed, a small amount of blood seeping onto the bed as John tied a rag to the headboard and guided her hands to grip the loose ends. "Fuck!" She sobbed, looking up as the young man who'd come with her husband prepared to deliver her baby. "It burns!"

John nodded, locking eyes with Julia as he waited for the baby's head to appear. "You're doing great. I can see the head already. Just long, slow pushes, and remember to breathe in between."

She swallowed, forcing herself to push through the pain. "AHH!" She screamed as she felt the head being squeezed out and the young man's gentle hands support her child and check to see if the cord was cutting off the airway. "HURTS!"

John pulled the cord from around the child's neck, smiling as it took it's very first breath. "One more good push and it'll be over." He was vaguely aware of Frank speaking to the 911 dispatcher, forcing himself to focus on the task at hand. "Hey." He lifted his gaze to her face, meeting her eyes with a stubborn determination that only a man meant to become a father could have. "Focus on me." He smiled, letting her rest for a moment. "You can do this." He moved his hands as they started to become slick with blood and birthing fluid, glancing down as she began to push again. "There you go!" He cheered, pulling the baby toward his body and wrapping her in a towel that Frank supplied. "Little girl!" He grinned, handing her to Julia as she slowly sat up. He picked up a small snot-sucker to help clear the newborn's airways. "Hey little one." He touched his fingers to her chest, counting the beats of her tiny heart as he listened to the clock on the wall tick. "Welcome to the world."

Julia's tears streamed down her cheeks as she looked at her daughter, kissing her husband's lips as John checked to make sure the baby and she were both doing well. "She's perfect…"

Frank nodded, gently rubbing his fingers over his daughter's headful of hair. "Just like you."

John gave a little smile, sitting at the end of the bed as he waited for Julia's body to deliver the placenta and for the EMTs to arrive and make sure he'd done everything correctly. "Congratulations."

Julia reached toward him, taking his hand as he tried to clean himself up. "Thank you." She cried, realizing that she didn't even know his name. "What's your name?"

He chuckled, a small smirk crossing his lips as the adrenaline began to fade. "John." He sighed, standing to wash himself up in the sink. "But you can call me Bender."


	159. Chapter 159

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Nine**

Julia let an EMT take her daughter from her to check her health, leaning onto her husband's shoulder as she listened to John snore on the tiny recliner in the corner of the apartment.

One of the EMTs pulled up a chair beside the bed, a pen in hand along with a new birth certificate. "What's baby's name?" She asked, noticing that both of the parent's glanced at the sleeping teen in the recliner.

"Johanna Bentley Thatcher." Julia smiled, letting Frank get up to check on John as he whimpered in his sleep. "After the man who delivered her."

Frank chuckled as John's dark eyes opened, taking his daughter from the EMT who'd done a health check on her and offering her to John to hold. "Would you like to hold her?" He asked, showing John the exact way to hold her as he seemed hesitant to hold her. "If you can deliver her, you can hold her."

John laid Johanna's little body on his arm, tucking her tiny feet under his arm and holding her head with his free hand. "What'd you guys name her?" He asked, smoothing his thumb through her head of dark hair.

"Johanna Bentley." Frank smiled, noticing that John had become so gentle with the child.

He lifted his eyes to the father, his movements slow as Johanna slept in his arms. "You… you named her after me?"

Frank nodded, adjusting his daughter's swaddling blanket around her. "It seemed like the right thing to do. After all, you were the one who delivered her."

"You didn't have to name her after me… you should have named her what you wanted."

Julia shook her head, looking at the teen as he rocked in the recliner with her sleeping child. "We want her name to be Johanna." She smiled as John's long fingers supported Johanna's little body and head perfectly. "She might not be here without you."

John gave a small smirk, watching as Johanna's shockingly blue eyes opened to peer at him. "Hey there, Cupcake… I'm your uncle John."

Clarissa rushed around the house, making sure everything was perfect to properly welcome the new child that John had told them about. "Cody, that left side needs to be a little higher." She pointed to the congratulations banner that Cody and Tyler were trying to hand above the doorway to the dining room. "Is something burning?" She sniffed the air, able to smell something off in the kitchen.

She limped her way into the kitchen, gasping as she realized that she'd burnt the cupcakes. "Shit!" She pulled the cakes from the oven, holding her head in her hands as she looked at the ruined deserts. "Goddamn it."

John placed his hand on her back, smiling as she looked up at him. "It's okay. We can whip up a new batch in no time." He pulled out a box of cake mix, and a bottle of food coloring that would turn it bright pink. "That's what instant cake is for."

She chuckled, patting his cheek as she noticed that the light behind his eyes had returned. "How do you know these folks?"

John smirked, taking the egg carton out of the fridge as well as the milk jug. "Frank works at the shop with me, and he needed a ride to the hospital when Julia went into labor so I gave him one."

Claire dipped her fingers into the frosting as John and her mother started pouring the new cupcakes into the pan. "I was wondering where you disappeared to when I brought you some food."

"I was waiting for a baby to be born, that's where I was." He kissed Claire's lips, licking the purple frosting from her mouth with his gentle, loving touch. "I would have called you but I didn't know which number you would be at." He turned as Amelia thundered into the kitchen, swinging her onto his hip with a grunt. "Dang girl! You're getting big!"

She giggled, showing off her two front teeth that were just barely starting to come in. "When do I get to see the baby?" She asked, jumping on John's hip until he winced as she hit a sore spot against the bone.

"She'll be here pretty quick." He smiled, setting her on the counter and plopping a little icing on the tip of her nose. "Chad and his folks are coming too."

"Shit!" Dominic cursed from the other room, making John and Clarissa look to see what had happened. "I hate these Goddamn things." He stated, attempting to wrap a box of diapers and baby clothes in a new sheet of paper. "Why can't Brian do this shit?"

John shook his head, kneeling beside his cousin to help. "Because Brian is currently working on shopping for games and party favors."

Dominic flipped his cousin off, taping down the paper as John held it. "I could have done that."

Mary placed a leaf in the dining room table, making it even bigger than it had been so it would be able to fit everyone. "Just wrap the presents boys."

Andy rolled a new bassinette into the living room, smiling at the amazing work his mother had done on it. "Gosh, can you imagine when all of us have kids?" He asked, looking at John as he noticed a small smile creep onto his face. "I mean, John and Claire will be the first ones to get pregnant I'll bet, but still."

Allison finished up with the decorations, making sure that there were camera's in each room per John's request. "I hope they like it all."

Jade grinned, jumping away from the window as a couple small cars rolled up. "They're here!"


	160. Chapter 160

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty**

Claire took little Johanna from her mother, gently bouncing her as she hummed a lullaby to her. She smiled as John's hands rested under her elbows, able to feel his lips on the side of her neck. She closed her eyes, pretending that Johanna was really their daughter and that they were parents in their own home. "She's beautiful." She whispered, letting Frank take the baby from her arms.

Amelia crawled onto the sofa, looking at the little bundle in the young father's arms. "Why'd you name her Johanna?" She asked, stumbling over the name.

Julia chuckled, taking a bite of one of the cupcakes that John and Clarissa had made. "Because John was the one to help bring her into the world. So, we named her after him." She smiled as John's cheeks flushed bright red, his natural tan starting look more like a sunburn. "Didn't you tell them?"

He opened his mouth as if to answer, but lost the words before he could say them. "I… uh…"

Thomas sat forward on his chair, a puzzled look crossing his features. "You mean… John delivered her?" He looked up as John tried to hide his smile, noticing that his face had turned so red he looked like a tomato.

Frank nodded, remembering how calm John had stayed through the entire birth even when his hands had been slick with blood and other fluids from the mess of delivering a baby. "You've got one hell of a kid here, Tom." He patted John on his back, noticing how he hugged Claire close to his side. "He knew exactly what to do, and we couldn't ask for a better godfather for little Johanna. That is, if you're up for it?"

John's head snapped up, his question clear in his eyes. "What?"

"Of course, we'd wait to make everything legal in our will until you and Claire are married. But we were hoping that you two would be her godparents…" Julia smiled, draping a blanket over her chest as she let Johanna breastfeed.

Claire bounced on her toes, hugging John's torso close to her as she watched the reality of the question being processed in his mind. "John?" She grinned when he slowly looked at her, giggling as she saw the wheels turning in his head. "Can we?"

He grabbed a glass of pink Kool-Aid lifting it high above his head. "To being godparents!" He cheered, downing the Kool-Aid like it was a shot of tequila. "Now, who wants to open presents?"


	161. Chapter 161

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-One**

Julia opened the first box, pulling out a little pair of baby booties and a diaper bag. "Oh my gosh!" She squealed, holding them up as John rushed to snap a picture. "They're adorable!"

Kaylie leaned over to Brian, elbowing him in the ribs. "I told you they were a good idea."

Brian rolled his eyes, handing his gift to Frank. "Here's something for dad."

Frank chuckled, opening the box to find that it held a gasmask. "What the hell is this for?"

Thomas and the other dads laughed, remembering the years they'd spent changing diapers and how it had always made them gag. "Diaper duty!" Paul stated, patting Frank on the back as Chad and his parents stood with their gift.

"We thought you might be able to use this." Bridget handed them the small white box, smiling as they opened it. "It's the key to our condo on 64th street."

Lee nodded, taking his wife's hand in his own. "It's got three bedrooms and it's in a better neighborhood."

Julia and Frank looked up at them in shock, taking a small photo from them that showed the freshly painted nursery. "We…" Frank started, looking up at his boss. "Can't thank you enough."

* * *

John carried Johanna to the car that she and her parent had come in, chuckling when her tiny hand landed on his nose. "I know. I got a big nose, huh?"

Her piercing blue eyes looked at him with a love that he'd never seen before. She giggled when he tenderly pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Claire pulled Johanna's hat lower on her ears, knowing that she was still too little to be out without it. "So, you delivered her?" She asked, able to see that he was wearing down with the setting sun.

He yawned, nodding as he buckled his goddaughter into her little car seat. "I just did what I could." He stated, giving Julia a hug and shaking Frank's hand before they left. "All I did was catch her when Julia pushed her out."

Claire placed a hand on his back, leading him inside and up to his bedroom to rest. "You're gonna be a great dad someday." She smiled, kissing his lips as he pulled her on top of him in his bed.

"How about right now?" He asked, flipping so that she was under him. "What do you say? Should we make a baby?"

She shook her head, pressing her hands to the plains of his chest. "John, I am not going to be pregnant at graduation. Plus, Dad would kill you."

He nodded, sitting back and laying on his side to look into her eyes. "I love you." He breathed, and Claire could see his mind and body shutting down as he hit that wall of exhaustion.

"I love you more." She smiled, snuggling up to his chest as his arms looped around her in a protective embrace that only he could provide even in sleep.


	162. Chapter 162

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Two**

Clarissa brushed John's hair out of his face, noticing the small smile on his face. "Pumpkin, it's time to get up." She whispered, gently nudging his shoulder to wake him.

John's legs stretched under the blankets, letting him roll over onto his back as his eyes slowly opened to look at her. "Five more minutes."

She shook her head, kissing his forehead before she tossed some clothes onto his bed. "You said that five minutes ago."

He groaned, throwing the covers back and pulling on fresh boxers and jeans. "I hate school."

"If it wasn't for school you might not have been able to deliver Johanna." She called as she started down the stairs with slow steps.

Amelia climbed onto her chair in the dining room, watching as John sat beside her with an unusually large amount of food on his plate. "You're eating all of that?"

John nodded, lifting a forkful of French toast to his mouth. "Yup." He mumbled, looking up at the adults. "Coach Lauchner said if I can gain ten pounds by next week, he'll let me on the team."

Chris chuckled, knowing that even without the extra weight John was a vicious fighter. "He didn't let you spar, did he?"

John shook his head, taking a few gulps of coffee to settle his stomach. "No. He checked my weight and told me that if I don't go up in ten pounds, I won't get on the team."

Andy kept a close eye on John as he struggled to keep his meal down, praying that his body wouldn't reject it. "I need to go down a couple pounds for wrestling."

Dana looked at her son, confusion on her face. "I thought you didn't want to do wrestling this year."

Andy nodded to John, smirking at the thought of John actually being in a school activity. "If he can box, I can wrestle." He chuckled, watching as Claire kissed John and licked the powdered sugar from his lips. "Besides, with the training he's gonna get, I'm gonna need to find an upper hand on him."

"Ha!" Cody barked a laugh, knowing that on the rare occasion that John actually had weight on him and he wasn't in pain, that he was someone you didn't want to tangle with. "You got lucky that last time Clark." He remembered the bruises he'd had the one time he'd tried to tangle with John over some stupid thing when they were both so high that neither one could remember what it was now. "Believe me, if he had been expecting that pin, you wouldn't be walking as well as you are now." He tapped his hand on his shoulder. "He's the reason I can't move my left shoulder as well as my right one."

John shook his head, picking up his coffee. "What the hell -err, _heck-_ were we fighting about again?" He asked, quickly correcting himself as he thought about the swear jar on the counter.

Cody shrugged, taking a bite of his bacon. "No idea. Could be anything from a girl, to some hallucination from whatever we were on."

Amelia stole a sausage from John's plate, stuffing the whole thing in her mouth as he gave her a fake glare. "I asked, Miss Wendy about what high means." She stated, not seeing how John blanched. "She said it's like being really happy." She looked around the table at the burners. "Why don't you want to get high anymore?"

John swallowed, his hand pressing over the ridges of his ribs. "Because… it makes you really sick when you come down. And that's why I had seizures, and get really sick after I eat."

Her brow furrowed as she looked at him, remembering how sick he had been. "Why did you do it then?"

He gave her a broken look, guiding her hand to the scars on his arm. "Because, it hurt when I got these and I wanted to stop hurting… but… after a while, I started thinking that it was fun and I didn't realize how bad I was hurting myself." He pushed her hair behind her ear, looking into her eyes. "Don't you ever get high. It's not worth it." He kissed her nose, hugging her close. "And if anyone tries to get you to do it, I want you to call me and tell me. I will come pick you up."

She nodded, pushing him back and looking at him with hope in her eyes. "Can you bring your motorcycle?"

He laughed, ruffling her hair. "Sure thing, Squirt."


	163. Chapter 163

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Three**

Clarissa zipped John's leather jacket up, her hands shaking with the anxiety that always hit her when he was on his bike. "Please be careful." She sighed, knowing that he loved speed. "I don't want you getting in a wreck."

He chuckled, taking her hand in both of his and holding it close to his chest. "I'm fine, Mom." He smiled, letting Chance heel to his side. "I'll be careful."

"Promise?" She asked, looking up at him and instead of seeing a teenager, she saw that he'd become a man. The boy was gone now, and he was a full-grown man.

"I promise." He hugged her close, rubbing his hands over her back to help sooth her. "I've got a goddaughter now. I can't be getting into trouble anymore."

She shook her head, squeezing his shoulders. "Johnathan…" She sighed, letting him walk out the door. "Please be careful…"

* * *

John slowed to a stop in the school parking lot, shaking his hair out as he pulled his helmet off. "Chance, heel." He clipped a leash to her service animal vest, scratching her half-chewed ear he they walked toward the school. "Good girl." He chuckled, noticing that a lot of freshmen and sophomores were watching them with a longing look to pet the Pit Bull.

"Hey Bender." Cooper smiled, holding his hand out to shake John's. "Good to see you back."

John smirked, catching Cooper's eyes flit between he and Chance. "Go ahead. She'd love some pets." He gave a short whistle, letting Chance know it was okay for Cooper to touch her. "She's a pain in the ass, but she's a sweetheart."

Cooper laughed as Chance licked his face, scratching her belly as she rolled over. "She's cute." He grinned at John, noticing that he looked as if he'd actually gotten a good meal today. "Those eyes are kinda weird though… with how blue they are."

John nodded, poking Chance's toes as her foot pressed against his thigh. "Yeah. Mom says she looks like an ice queen… but she acts like a queen half the time too." He knelt down, showing Cooper the spot to scratch that made Chance's leg go crazy. "Damn dog was meant to work for me, and she's trained me to work for her."

Cooper shook his head, watching as Chance jumped up and pushed her master onto the sidewalk and laid over his chest with all of her Pit Bull mass, her strong muscles rippling under her shiny black coat. "What's she doing?" He asked, picking up John's helmet as the older teen rolled his eyes.

"My heartrate must've spiked." He dug his finger's into Chance's hair, knowing that he would never get her off of him until she was satisfied that he was okay. "Usually she does this when I have anxiety, a flashback, or if something weird happens from all the drugs I've taken."

Cooper nodded, reaching toward Chance until she growled at him. "What if you have a seizure?"

John coughed as Chance's elbow pressed into his stomach, looking up at his friend. "I barely ever get those anymore, but she's trained to find someone in the family if one hits while we're alone, and if she can't find one of them, then she has to find the nearest adult." He forced his body to give a twitch, smiling as Chance instantly rushed to where Claire was speaking to Allison and Kaylie. "See?"

"Wow…" Cooper breathed, watching as the dog grabbed Claire's sleeve and began pulling her toward where John was sitting on the concrete. "How long did that take?"

"We've been working with her since hour one, but it took a little over three weeks to train her for all of this." He stood, showing Chance that he was perfectly fine. "By the way, if you have a history of seizures, and you fake one, you will most likely end up having a real one a few minutes later." He pressed a kiss to Claire's lips, his hand holding the back of her head perfectly. "Coop, this is my future wife, Claire."

"Nice to meet you." Claire smiled, holding her hand out to him.

Cooper rubbed some of the pencil graphite from his hand, shaking the redhead's manicured hand. "Nice to meet you too."


	164. Chapter 164

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Four**

Claire watched as John and Chance made their rounds to see everyone who looked a little down, smiling with the knowledge that John was trying to make everyone's day better with puppy loves. She shook her head as she listened to John's shrill whistle, picking up her job application for Banana Republic and looking it over to make sure it was perfect. "First thing I'm gonna get is a new microphone for him." She whispered, jumping when she heard Medusa's voice behind her.

"You fucking slut." She hissed, shoving Claire against the lockers. "You're just using your money to buy his love. He would never be with you if you were poor."

Claire glared at her, pulling her hair until she started to cry from how it hurt. "You're the slut!" She growled, pushing her away from her. "John loves me. And if he had any interest in you, he wouldn't scrub himself raw every time you touch him."

Medusa spat in her face, kicking at her long legs. "Bitch!" She screamed, landing a good blow on Claire's shin just under the end of her skirt. "I called dibs on him in fifth grade!"

"WHORE!" Claire shouted, balling her fist and pulling back to strike a right hook until John's hand gripped her wrist.

"Let it go." He ordered, his voice low and rough as his dark eyes met hers. "It's not worth it." He pulled her away from Jessica as he sensed that she was still pissed off. "Calm down. I'm yours. No one can change that."

She heaved a breath, glaring at the floor before she slammed against John's body and pressed a hard hiss to his mouth. She forced her tongue into his mouth, not caring that he hadn't really invited her inside. She pushed her hands against his stomach, slipping them under his clothes, and forcing her body impossibly close to him. She ignored the wolf-whistles she got from the boys in the hallway, choosing to focus on John as he helped her harness her emotions. "I fucking hate her." She gasped when they separated, placing her hands on his chest and balling them in his shirt.

He shushed her, leading her to the stairway and sitting on one of the steps with her in his lap. "I know, Sweets." He whispered, tucking her hair behind one ear so he could actually see her beautiful face. "But if you react like that, she wins."

"You still love me, right?" She choked back her tears, letting him pull her to his shoulder.

He chuckled, rubbing his hands over her back with the gentleness that he'd tapped into when he was helping Julia deliver Johanna. "I will always love you, Clarity Penelope Faith Standish." He kissed the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent of coconut and vanilla. "Even when you're the biggest pain in my ass, and the most annoying woman I've ever met."

She laughed, wiping her tears away as she looked at him. "I can't be that horrible."

He smirked, kissing her lips with tender love. "Baby, you can be the devil's spawn at times." He flinched away as she struck his shoulder, faking hurt as he tried to play off that he'd been shocked at her reaction. "Hey! I didn't say all the time." He leaned toward her, kissing a line up her jawbone, until he was nipping at her ear. "Just when I'm a real jackass."


	165. Chapter 165

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Five**

Toby patted John on the back as he settled at the table for lunch, smiling as John actually ate his food without looking like he was about to die. "Hey, can Chancie have table scraps?" He asked, noticing how the dog didn't beg.

John shrugged, knowing that she never got them until after they'd eaten dinner. "She usually doesn't get fed at the table. Mom doesn't want her begging when we have guests over."

Toby nodded, pouring some low-fat ranch on his salad. "Oh. Brian told me that you're a godfather now?"

John chuckled, meeting the blond's eyes as he remembered holding his godchild for the first time. "I delivered her." He smiled, able to see her perfect little face as Julia had pushed her from her body. "I was the first one to see her."

Toby's eyes widened, looking between John and Claire for confirmation. "You delivered her?" He asked, taking the little picture book from John and looking at the perfect little girl. "Holy shit…" He met John's eyes, shock clear on his face. "What's it like?"

John shook his head, remembering the blood and amniotic fluids on his hands and how terrified he'd been that Julia would bleed out when he'd seen the first few drops. "Messy." He chuckled, taking the photo book back and placing it in his wallet again. "Loud, terrifying… but worth every second." He smiled, his eyes changing to the rich dark chocolate that always showed his gentle side. "I wouldn't change a thing about it."

Claire bit her lip, kissing John's cheek and running her fingers through his hair. "I want you to deliver our babies." She whispered, letting him kiss her lips.

He laughed, placing a hand on her stomach as he thought about the day he would get her pregnant with _his_ child. "Only if the doc says we can do a home birth and there's a real midwife there."

She nodded, placing her hand on top of his. She knew that he'd always been hesitant to have children, but witnessing the birth of a child seemed to have eased his mind on the subject, and she was practically having to fight him off to avoid him getting the cart before the horse. "Deal."

* * *

Allison grinned as John walked into the music room, taking Kaylie's hand as they jumped in excitement at the news they were about to share with the class. "Come on slowpoke!"

John chuckled, giving Chance the signal to pin Allison even though he wasn't remotely threatened by the short stack. "Chancie, lock down."

"No!" Allison cried as Chance pushed her to the floor and laid on her shoulder, her weight holding the small girl to the ground with little effort on her part. "Chance, get off!"

John gave a long whistle, hitting three separate notes that told chance three commands at once. "Good girl." He praised, turning to look at the class and Miss Wilder. "Our band, Wrong Side of the Tracks, has been signed to LA records for a trial period. Meaning if 10,000 of our albums and tapes sell, we'll get a full label and be able to go on tours and do headlining shows." He grinned as the class erupted in applause, looking at Miss Wilder as she stood. "They also told me I should get a voice coach so that my vocal cords don't blow out again."

She beamed, giving Chance a pat on the head as she nodded her head. "I'd love to coach you. Will Saturdays work?" She asked, motioning to the tiny recording booth in the corner of the music room. "We can meet here-"

"My uncle built a recording studio in our basement." He stated, writing down the address to the house. "Will about four work?"

She nodded, letting Chance lick her fingers. "I'll see you then." She lifted her arms, choosing to have a more fun class to celebrate. "How about a concert?"

The class cheered, growing louder as they picked up their instruments. "Wait…" Kaylie started, looking at the bass still in it's stand. "Dom dropped out… who's gonna play the bass?"

John smirked, placing his guitar in it's stand and picking up the bass. "I can do more than sing and play guitar." He tuned the instrument up, looking at the group as he whispered the first song. "One, two, three, four." He plucked the strings as Kaylie took over on the guitar and he began the vocals.


	166. Chapter 166

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Six**

Cooper's eyes widened as he looked at John's Harley, having fallen in love with it in a matter of seconds. "Can I drive it?" He asked, moving to swing his leg over the side, until he caught the look John was giving him.

"Rule number one: Never touch another man's woman. Rule number two: Never sit on his bike without permission. And Three: Never drive his bike unless it's either an emergency, or he's dead and willed it to you." John shooed Cooper off of the bike, nodding to the sidecar. "If you don't mind a little Chance hair, I'll give you a quick ride around the parking lot."

Cooper nodded, climbing into the sidecar and yelping in surprise when something was pushed onto his head. "What the-"

"Buckle it dummy." John stated, clipping his own helmet on and flipping the visor down. "I can't drive until you have that on." His voice was barely audible through the helmet, and Cooper could hardly understand his muffled voice as he finished with the helmet.

He took a leather jacket from Claire as she handed it to him, shrugging it on as John cranked the engine and started out of the parking spot. "Woah." He laughed, putting his arms in the air as John picked up speed, not expecting John to kick it up even more. "Ah!" He shouted, holding onto the sides of the passenger car as John dropped one foot almost all the way to the pavement and made a sharp turn. "Are you insane?"

John stopped the bike, shutting it off before he took the helmet off of his head, placing it between his legs as he ruffled his hair again. "Huh?" He asked, taking the extra helmet back as Cooper unloaded. "I can't hear shit with that damn thing on."

Claire giggled, leaning on the handle bars and lifting her self up enough to kiss him. "I don't like that helmet." She whispered, letting John take her hand and pull her around to the side of the bike. "I can't kiss you with it on."

He smirked, wrapping his hands around her hips and tipping himself over into the sidecar so that she was laying on top of him. "I don't have it on now." He stated, letting her hips rest against his as she pushed his shoulders down into the short chair in the car.

She rolled her eyes, touching a hickey on his neck that she'd given him a couple days ago. "John. I can feel that." She stated, climbing out of the car and leaving him with an erection that would bug him for the next twenty minutes.

"That's cruel…" He growled, looking down at his jeans as the bulge just seemed to get bigger. "What if I used a condom?" He called, propping himself up so he could look over the walls of the sidecar.

"Condoms can break." She stated, patting her bellybutton. "And I am not going to be pregnant at graduation. So, you're outta luck mister." She chuckled at his face before she turned to go back into school to grab her last few things, before she headed home. "Oh! It's your turn to pick up Amelia today!" She reminded him, noticing that all the boys were dying of laughter at John's misfortune.

"So, you get me horny right before I have to pick up a seven-year-old?" He asked, glaring at his pants when she didn't answer. "Fuck."


	167. Chapter 167

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Seven**

Amelia squealed in joy when she heard John's Harley down the street from her school, making some of the older girls give her funny looks.

"What are you so happy for?" Hanna asked, crossing her arms as she looked at the second grader.

"John's coming!" She grinned, waving as the army-green motorcycle rolled up with the Pit Bull in the side car and John in his leathers and black helmet on the bike. "John!" She jumped toward him as he pulled his helmet off and placed it between his legs on the seat. "You came to get me!"

He chuckled, picking her up and setting her on the gas tank as he pulled her pink leather jacket from one of the saddle bags and helped her put it on. "I'll always come for you, Squirt." He pulled her hair back, putting it in a ponytail before he clipped her helmet under her chin. He caught the jealous looks of the older girls as they waited for their parents to come get them, looking up at them with a smirk. "I would give you little shits a ride, but I don't take kindly to jealous little girls." He pulled his helmet on, buckling it under his jaw before he cranked the bike and twisted the throttle.

Amelia felt John's knees squeeze her legs as he turned toward home, bracing her hands against the cool metal of the gas tank as he leaned with the bike. "Woo hoo!" She cheered, as he picked up speed just to give her a little thrill.

John chuckled, taking her hand in his and guiding it to the throttle. "I'm tired, how about you drive for a sec." He had to shout through the helmet, but he got the words across to her. "Ah!" He screamed in shock as she revved it too hard, making the bike lurch. "Hold on." He placed his hand over top of hers, showing her how to twist the throttle to go the right speed.

She giggled, looking up at John as he helped her drive. "I can't see your face!"

He smiled, flipping his visor up so that only his eyes were visible. "Where are we going, Princess?" He smirked, remembering that she'd been asking to go to the toy store for a few days. "Are we gonna go find some dolls?"

She nodded, squealing in joy as he turned toward the Toys R Us a few miles to the east. "YAY!"

* * *

John picked up a huge foam sword as he waited for Amelia to find the perfect toy, chuckling as Chance looked at him with disgust as he poked her ribs with it. "Smart ass." He mumbled, looking up as a bunch of kids looked at Chance with longing looks. "You can pet her. She's just hanging out at the moment."

The kids cheered, rushing over to Chance to love her. "What's her name?" One asked, looking up at John as Chance licked her face and gave a big Put Bull smile.

"Chance. But she thinks her name's Queen." He smirked as Chance's tail whapped on the floor, checking on Amelia as she looked at the toy's down the aisle.

The kids laughed as Chance rolled over for her belly rubs, her leg going nuts as they found her spot. "Crazy leg!" A little boy shouted, patting her belly.

"You're a real ham, you know that?" John shook his head at his dog, poking her nose as she let her tongue hang out of her mouth. "I've never seen a dog like you." He knelt down, letting Chance lick his face. "Moron."

Amelia rushed up to John, holding out the little toy she'd picked out. "I want this one!"

He grinned, giving Chance the whistle command for heel and handing Amelia a ten-dollar-bill to pay for the toy. "Alright, I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee at Micky D's and we'll head home."


	168. Chapter 168

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Eight**

Clarissa wrapped John in a tight hug when he walked though the back door, gripping his arms so tight he would have bruises later. "Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" She peeled his leather jacket off, checking him over for any wounds or scratches.

"I'm fine…" He lifted her chin to look at him, noticing the worry in her eyes. "What happened?"

"There was a motorcycle accident on Ash Street." She let the first tear fall, hugging John close as she let herself break with relief. "I thought it was you."

He shook his head, rubbing her back as he motioned for Amelia to get a glass of water. "I'm okay Mom. It wasn't me. We stopped as Micky D's and got a coffee, and dropped by Toys R Us for a second. We weren't even close to Ash Street."

"I was so scared…" She sobbed, letting him sit her on the couch in the back room and hand her a glass of water. "I thought for sure it was you."

He nodded, letting Chance onto the sofa and lay on top of Clarissa's lap to help calm her. "We're alright." He smiled, showing her that he was just fine.

She hiccupped, taking a sip of her water. "Please sell that bike. I can't take it if you wreck on it."

He kissed her cheek, looking at her with soft understanding in his eyes. "I'll think about it." He smiled as Claire settled on the sofa beside them, resting an arm around her shoulders and kissing her lips. "But I still need my freedom."

Claire rested against John's shoulder, yawning as they watched an old John Wayne

* * *

movie. She could hear John's blood pumping through his veins as he scratched Chance's ears. "This is a good one." She smiled, kissing his neck as he became engrossed in the film.

John's eyes widened as the suspense grew toward the climax of the film, leaning forward slightly. "Fucking…" He whispered under his breath, swallowing as he began to get worried for the characters.

Claire shook her head, rubbing his thigh as Chance started getting excited. "Sugar. Relax. It's a movie."

He jumped as one of the Character's got shot, his grip tightening around Claire as he leaned farther into the couch. "I know… it's just a really good movie."

She rolled her eyes, glancing at the clock only to see that it was almost four in the morning. "Are you tired yet?" She yawned, knowing that he didn't like to be alone at night when he couldn't sleep.

He looked down at her, pulling the blanket farther up on her chest as she rubbed her eyes. "Are you?"

"It's four in the morning, Babe." She stated, closing her eyes as he adjusted to try and make her more comfortable.

He looked at the clock, his brows rising in shock at how late it really was. "Holy shit." He dropped his gaze to Claire, noticing that she'd already fallen asleep. "I'm sorry, Sweets." He gave Chance the signal to get down, gently picking Claire up bridal style and carrying her up to her room to sleep for the rest of the night. He smiled as she moaned in her sleep, brushing her hair back from her head as he kissed her lips. "Sleep well, Princess." He whispered, pulling her covers higher over her little body.


	169. Chapter 169

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Nine**

Amelia stood at the edge of John's bed, watching as he drooled in his sleep. She knew better than to startle him in his sleep, but she really needed him to help her with something. "John…" She whispered, nudging his bed. "John… wake up."

He rolled over in his sleep, the blankets moving just enough to show the bare skin of his pecs. "I'm… okay… Mom…" He mumbled, his dream controlling what he said at the moment. "Not… hurt…"

Amelia giggled, poking his arm to try and get him out of bed. "John…" She whined, noticing that Chance was reacting slightly to her master's change in heartrate. "John…" She jumped back as John bolted awake, seeing that his eyes had little rays of yellow in them.

"Holy fuck, Amelia." He rubbed a hand over his face, propping himself up on his elbow. "God, I could have been having a nightmare and smacked the shit outta you before I knew what was going on."

She bowed her head, knowing that John did have his moments where he could become dangerous. "I need help." She mumbled, lifting her eyes slightly to look at him. "It's for school…"

He sighed, throwing his covers off to show that he was wearing sweatpants instead of only his usual superhero boxers. "What do you need help with?" He yawned, looking down at his watch. "Holy shit." He sighed, as he saw that he'd only gotten an hour of sleep at most. "Five in the Goddamn morning?"

Amelia nodded, able to tell that he was still exhausted and knowing that his potty mouth always got worse when it was early or he was tired. "I forgot I had to do it. And Momma's asleep."

John groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes. "Amelia Vivian Johnson. This is the fourth time this month you've pulled this shit." He looked at the girl before him, giving an exasperated sigh as he opened his dark eyes. "You have got to stop pulling this." He pressed his lips into a thin line, tired, and frustrated with not only Amelia but himself as well.

Over a month had passed since he'd been gang raped, and he still couldn't find the guys who'd done it. Even with the rape kit they'd done on him, they still needed to find the actual people who'd done it and the kit would only be kept for a few more months before they were no longer able to do anything with it. He had to fight the guilt of what had been done to him every day, he'd lost his virginity, not to Claire but to a gang of men.

Amelia nodded, watching him rub his temples and comb his fingers through his hair. "Sorry."

He slapped his hands down on his knees, pushing himself to stand. "What's the assignment?" He asked, rubbing a muscle knot in his back.

She grinned, leading him to the kitchen where she'd set her homework. "I have to make a pretend solar system."

John rubbed a hand over his chest as one of the newer scars itched with healing. "Alright, and what are we making this out of?"

She shuffled her feet, looking up at him as he rubbed the shiny scar around his neck where the leather cord had cut into his neck when someone had pulled to hard on it and it had failed to snap. "Can we use some of the little bearings you used on your Harley?"

He nodded, pulling on one of Claire's thin jackets and a pair of slippers that belonged to Cody and were way to big for him. "Alright? What else?"

"A tennis ball?" She asked, pulling on a pair of slippers as she followed John out the door and down the little pathway to the garage.

"What about the smaller planets?" He yawned, scratching his hip as he flipped the light on to show the grease spots on the concrete floor, and the various other random projects he was working on at the moment. "I've got some ping pong balls, um, probably about fifty million wire coils to hold this damn thing together, there's gotta be some kind of foam balls somewhere, and there might be a soft ball or some shit around here if someone didn't steal it." He picked up a box of junk, noticing a strange white powder on some of it. "The fuck?" He wiped his pinky through the dusting of powder, placing a little on his tongue and instantly spitting it onto the floor. "Amelia, go inside." He pushed a flashlight into her hands, pushing her out the door. "Whatever happens don't look back or turn around."

She nodded, rushing back to the house. She knew from his tone, that John's nerves were telling him something was wrong, and she also knew that she needed to get help just incase something were to happen to him.

John watched her as she entered the house, turning to look at the dark corner of the garage. "What do you want?" He growled, twisting his wrists to loosen the tendons in his hands.

"Cute kid." Sneered the man as he stepped from the shadows, holding out a cigarette and a bag of cocaine. "I brought you some good shit." He smiled, knowing that John was one of his best customers.

"Thanks Darin." He took the cocaine from him, handing him a few twenties to pay for it. "But next time, don't show when I've got the little shit with me."

"You've got it asshole." He grinned, showing his missing teeth. "Just get me my cash and I'll take all your pain and worries away."

John nodded, pulling a dollar bill from his pocket and rolling it into a tight tube. "You got it." He poured some of the white powder onto his work bench, making a neat line with it. "Now get out."


	170. Chapter 170

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy**

Claire called for John as she walked through the house, looking in every room. "John?" She jumped as she heard Chance's deep bark from the backyard, throwing the back door open as she noticed that Chance was acting off. "Where's John?"

Chance barked, bolting to the garage door and jumping on it to tell Claire to open it.

She nodded, twisting the knob and pushing it open. "John!" She rushed to his side, pulling his limp body onto her lap as she noticed the white powder scattered around his work station. "John! Wake up!" She shook his body, smacking his cheek in hopes that the pain would wake him. "God damnit! Wake up!" She forced his mouth open, pinching his nose as she forced air into his lungs. "Breathe!" She pressed on his chest, able to feel his weakening heart under her fingers. "John! Breathe!" She tried again, tears streaming down her cheeks when he took over breathing on his own. "John…" She sobbed, bending her body over his as she squeezed him to her. "What did you do?" She cried, his breath rasping in his throat as his hands felt over her side.

"Claire?" He asked, feeling her hands clutch at his back and her tears on his shoulder.

"What happened?" She asked, pushing his shoulders into the ground. "Answer me!"

He looked around at the white dusting of powder over the floor and his work chair, his pupils dilated and an unnatural electricity stimulating his mind. "Coke…" He breathed, swiping his hand through the powder. "High…"

She choked a sob, bowing her head to his chest. "Why?" She asked, pushing herself up to glare at him. "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS?" She slapped his chest with her flat hands, leaving red swollen handprints on his skin. "WHY WOULD YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU WORKED FOR?"

John cried out in pain, catching the attention of the people inside of the house. "STOP!" He screamed, unable to move away in his high state.

Mary and Thomas paused at the doorway to the garage, taking in the scene before them. "Claire!" Thomas barked, pulling his daughter away from the boy on the floor. "Stop it."

She glared at the crying boy on the floor, throwing her slipper at him. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

Mary pressed a hand to John's head as Thomas pulled her from the garage, feeling for a temperature. "John, sit up for me." She pushed her hand against his back, forcing him to sit up. "What did you take?"

He leaned on her shoulder, his stomach starting to feel funny as she moved him. "Coke… more… need… more…" His stomach heaved, forcing what little he'd had in him to come up. "More…" He croaked as Mary rushed to get his head over a bucket. "Need…" He gasped between heaves and vomit burning his throat as it was evacuated from his body. "More…"

She nodded, rubbing his back as more vomit left his mouth. "You can't… you can't baby… you can't have more."

He cried as a sharp pain shot through his stomach, a scream ripping from his throat as his body rebelled against him. "MOM!"

Mary pushed her tears down, forcing John's head down as he heaved again. "Johnathan." Her tone changed, knowing that this would be the only way to get through to him. "Johnathan. Look. At. Me."

His dark eyes lifted to look at her, his skin so pale he almost looked as if he were a ghost. "Mom…"

"You can't do this anymore." She rubbed her fingers under his eyes, noticing the dark circles and the bloodshot whites. "If you need to go to a rehab center, we can take you. But you can't do this."

He gave a slow nod, hardly hearing a word she said over the still growing high. "Want…"

She sighed, lifting him to his feet and walking him toward the house. "No." She stopped at the back hose, knowing that Amelia couldn't see him like this. She sat him on the steps to the deck, taking his sweat pants off of him and stripping him nearly naked except for his boxers. "Close your eyes." She ordered, turning on the water and holding the hose over his head. She pushed on his shoulder as he screamed in shock, forcing him to get as cold as he could without the risk of being sick. She had to force her tears back, trying to block out his screams. "Stop it. Just stop."


	171. Chapter 171

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-One**

John limped his way down the stairs, walking into the living room and taking a seat on the sofa. He stared as his feet, scratching Chance's ears as she sat between his knees. "I need rehab." He stated, slowly lifting his broken gaze to look at the family. "I can't do this here…"

Clarissa took Thomas's hand, swallowing the pain in her heart at John's words. "Johnny… if you think you really need rehab… I'll take you to one… but just know, that we won't be able to see you for a while." She reached toward him, stopping when he flinched away from her. He'd only done that once before, that first time she'd touched him without permission, and it broke her heart to see him do that. "But if there is even a little part of you that thinks you can recover here-"

"Take me." He cut her off, tears brimming in his eyes. "Please."

Claire looked at him, able to see the crumpled remains of her man for the first time as she realized that he was really going to try this time. "John…" She touched his hand, smiling as he lifted his eyes to her. "I'm sorry."

* * *

Clarissa placed a pillow on John's cot, placing his favorite blanket on top of the thin blankets on the mattress. She smiled as she watched John playing with the teddy bear that Amelia had given him to remember her by. "Pumpkin…" She cupped his unshaved cheek in her palm, lifting his face to look into his eyes. "I love you." She kissed his forehead, rubbing her thumb under his eye. "And I will always love you. No matter what."

He nodded, taking a seat on the cot and leaning on her shoulder as they waited for the nurse to come in and assess him for treatments. "I'm sorry…" He mumbled, watching as Thomas placed a few of his belongings in the tiny dresser the center had given him.

She nodded, chuckling as Chance laid at their feet. "We'd like to know why you did it before you apologize."

He shook his head, he couldn't tell them. Couldn't let them know. They could never know what they'd done to him, never know the pain he'd felt, the shame he lived with every time he looked in the mirror. "I can't."

Thomas pulled a chair up beside John's cot, handing him something that the family had put together for him while he was away from them. "Here." He smiled as John took the photo from him. "It was Claire's idea."

John let the ghost of a smile grace his lips. "Thank you." He jumped as a woman walked into his room, noticing she had a young man who was only a few years older than he was.

"Hello Johnathan." She smiled, motioning to the young man with her. "This is Joey, he's going to be your sober-buddy while you're here." She placed a hand on her chest. "I'm Holly, I'm your councilor. So, I want you to come to me any time you need me to talk."

He nodded, placing the photo in his lap as he prepared himself to tell her about his past. "Hi…"


	172. Chapter 172

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Two**

Claire pulled the mail from their box, flipping through it until she found what she was looking for. She placed the rest of the stack on the counter as she walked into the house, rushing up to John's vacant room to read his letter. She ripped it open, unfolding the paper to see John's neat handwriting in blue ink.

 _Dear Sweets, I'm doing better here. Joey got discharged yesterday, so now it's just me in the room. Tell Mom and Dad hi for me, and that I'm really sorry. They're still doing piss tests on me every day, and yesterday I had a little bit of a sore throat so they did a throat swab on me._

 _How's everyone doing there? How's Amelia? Did she finish her science project?_

 _Holly's still trying to push me to talk… but to be honest… I don't want her to know… I don't want her to judge me like everyone else. I can hardly take it when I look at myself._

 _Can you see if someone can bring my guitar? I have an idea for a new song, but I need an instrument to put it all together. I hope to be home in a couple weeks, but until then… please forgive me._

 _I'm Sorry -J.B._

Claire lifted John's t-shirt to her nose, breathing his scent as she tried to force her tears back. "I wish you were here."

* * *

John groaned, stretching his legs out under the covers as he rolled over to stare at the blank white ceiling. "Today." He smiled, looking at his calendar to see that the day was circled in red marker. He threw the covers off, making Chance jump from the shock. He pulled on his jeans and shirt, choosing to opt for a somewhat nicer attire than he normally would. "Chancie." He whistled, slipping her harness onto her body and clipping a leash to it. "Good girl."

He rushed down the halls, stopping at only two places before he reached the main hall for his daily testing. He paused at the doorway, looking at how beautiful Claire was in her white dress with little flowers on it, her hair had gotten longer, and her cheeks had been kissed by the sun bringing out her freckles. "Sweets…" He breathed, the world narrowing to just them.

She smiled, stepping toward him and placing her hand on his cheek. "I missed you." She gently kissed his lips, pulling away for only a moment before he pulled her too him in a kiss so filled with passion and longing that it would have put Romeo and Juliet to shame.

Clarissa watched as the two reunited, seeing that John was recovering so much faster here. "That's our boy." She sighed, taking Thomas's hand as she looked up at him. "He's doing better."

He nodded, waving one of the doctors over to speak with him. "Do you think we could kidnap him for Halloween tomorrow?" He asked, knowing how Amelia had been looking forward to trick-or-treating with him. "His little sister wants to trick-or-treat with him."

The doctor chuckled, jumping as Claire and John fell to the floor as their kiss became too strong. "I think that'd be okay, maybe that'll even get him to open up a little." He took a seat across the table from the parents, folding his hands in front of him. "He won't tell Holly why he used, and despite our best efforts, he's stayed locked up like a safe." He sighed, rubbing his fingers against his palm. "If he's going to recover, he needs to talk about it. Otherwise, he'll just continue to relapse. And the next one could be even worse than this one was."

Clarissa bobbed her head, remembering the meth and how horrible that had been for him. "How can we help?" She asked, desperate to help heal her broken child.

"We can try having you sit in while he's with Holly today… but it is possible that he won't make any progress, because teens have a tendency to want to hide things from their parents more so than a stranger. But if anything, we'll stay in the same place we are now and he'll only have to stay a few more weeks until we can figure this out."

Thomas nodded, wondering if this could have anything to do with the gang defiling him the way they had. "He'll open up more if I'm not there." He squeezed Clarissa's hand. "He trusts Clarissa more than me. And he's kind of become a momma's boy since we took him in."

Clarissa smiled, taking John's hand as he came to stand beside her. "Can I sit in with you and Holly today?" She asked, letting him hug her in his strong arms.

"I'd like that." He whispered, kissing Claire's nose as she leaned on him.


	173. Chapter 173

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Three**

Clarissa settled on the sofa beside John, taking his hand as he scratched Chance's chewed-on ear like he always did when he was anxious. She smiled at Holly, slipping her finger into John's watchband as she noticed he'd tightened it too far and his fingertips were slightly darker than the rest of his skin.

Holly handed John a treat for Chance, smiling as he gingerly took it from her and gave it to his Pit Bull. "John, how does seeing Clarissa make you feel?" She asked, nodding to the woman beside John.

John shook his head, squeezing his eyes tight against the shame. "No."

Clarissa sighed, touching his cheek with her free hand. "Johnny… please. I can't watch you relapse again." She looked into those dark eyes of his, noticing that the break in him hadn't healed itself. "You need to tell us what happened -why you used."

He took a shaky breath, swallowing the guilt as it rose in his throat. "I can't."

Holly's brow furrowed as she noticed that John had writing on his arms, wondering if this could possibly be a break through that she could use. "John, would you be able to write it? That way you wouldn't have to verbally tell us, and we could even read it while you're at lunch."

He shook his head, and Chance leapt onto the sofa with him as his heartrate changed. "I don't want it on paper."

Clarissa nodded, brushing his shaggy hair back behind his ear and touching the piercing in his lobe where the diamond had been stolen from. "Does it have something to do with the gang?" She asked, feeling his hand tighten around her own. "What they did to you?" He flinched, and she instantly knew they were slowly chipping the ice dam away to let the emotions behind flow like water from a spring. "Were you scared?" He squeezed his eyes shut, his hold on her hand becoming painfully tight. "Are you afraid that we don't love you anymore?"

A tear slid down John's cheek, a harsh sob tearing from his throat against his will. "Yes."

Holly adjusted in her seat, writing a few notes on the progress they were making. "Does seeing Clarissa make you feel like a failure?"

He nodded, his fingers digging into Chance's hair as he fought the memory. "Yeah."

Clarissa dropped her gaze, noticing how John's body language showed that he was close to telling it all. "Is it because you lost your virginity without consent?"

He shook his head, looking up at her. "They made me give consent…" He whispered, the image of the men looking at the photos of Claire and the women of the family flashing behind his eyes. "They, they said they would rape you and Claire and Amelia if I didn't… they had my wallet, they saw my old license it had the information they needed to find you… I couldn't let them find you." His voice cracked, as he bowed his head in shame. "I told them I wanted it. I told them… that I… wanted…" He couldn't finish the sentence, the memory growing too strong. "I'm sorry…"

Holly handed Clarissa a tissue to let her try to clean John up a little. "John, just because you said you wanted them to do that to you, doesn't mean it was consensual. The fact that they black mailed you into giving consent still classifies it as rape."

Clarissa nodded, feeling John's sobs slow as he shifted his head against her neck to look at Holly for a moment. "And we will always love you. No matter what." She smiled at him, kissing his temple as his body relaxed with her words. "You have never failed us, and you never will." She laughed as Chance licked John's jaw. "You're my baby, and a parent is always proud of her baby. No matter what they do. They are their child."


	174. Chapter 174

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Four**

John's hands flexed so tightly around Clarissa's fingers, that his knuckles were so white he looked as if he could be a ghost. "The one -the leader- he grabbed my face, and, he…" he swallowed hard, his breath coming shorter and shorter, "forced my mouth open, and shoved his dick into my throat." He forced his panic back, the memory fighting to take over. "I tried to, to, pull away… but he grabbed my hair and forced himself deeper. He was saying that I was his little faggot whore, and that if he could fuck me every day, he would…"

Clarissa listened to his breath speed up, able to see that he was fighting against his past and the mental effects left over from the trauma he'd endured. "John-"

"No." He met her eyes, and she was able to see how clear they were and that he wasn't completely pulled under by the memory yet. "You wanted to know. So, I'm telling you." He scratched a hand over his chest, his finger's catching on the key at his throat. "They started with lube, but… after a while… the lube was used up, so they started dry…" He glared at the floor, the pain returning for a moment before he shoved it back. "After that… I must've passed out from the pain. The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital and Claire was with me." He heaved a huge breath, feeling an enormous weight lift from his shoulders.

Holly watched as Clarissa's muscles tensed, noticing how she almost seemed ready to catch or restrain John at any moment. "John, do you possibly suffer from flashbacks, or maybe reliving a traumatic event in your life through memories?"

Clarissa watched as the memory took him, able to see his eyes go blank. She instantly gripped him in her arms, making sure his hands were pinned tight against his chest as he screamed for release. "Johnathan." She spoke into his ear, shushing him as his back arched and he fought her. "Pumpkin, please, relax."

Holly took Clarissa's hands away from John's body, sitting next to him as he curled in on himself. "Johnny, It's Holly, we're sitting in my office with your foster mother Clarissa. You're safe." She spoke softly, showing Clarissa exactly how to help guide the boy out of this. "Can I touch your shoulder?" She asked, waiting for a response which didn't come. "I'm going to touch you, Sweetheart." She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, retreating when he flinched away.

"No!" He screamed, scrambling away from the women. "Hurts!"

Clarissa wiped a tear from her cheek, watching as Holly continued to try to pull him out of it. "Pumpkin. You're safe. They can't hurt you." She watched as Chance rushed to her master, noticing that the dog was doing exactly what her master needed.

John blinked, the panic in his eyes clearing. "Mom?" He looked up at Clarissa, rushing toward her and wrapping her in a bone-crushing hug. "I'm sorry."


	175. Chapter 175

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Five**

Holly returned to her seat, picking up a small prescription pad and scribbling something down. "I'm going to prescribe an anti-anxiety for the flashbacks, and I think that after John stops treatments in the center, that he should see a therapist regularly." She handed Clarissa the paper. "It's up to you if you want to use the anti-anxieties, but treatments will take much longer without them, and they're also not addictive."

Clarissa looked at the paper, placing her hand on John's knee as she read over it. "I'll talk to our family about it." She smiled, feeling him slump in his seat and his tired form leaning slightly on her back. "Would these help with his exhaustion?" She asked, listening as John's breathing evened out. "He can barely get through a school day without sleeping in classes, and when he goes to work, he comes home on the verge of passing out."

Holly nodded, remembering how he often had to take breaks while his tutors were helping him continue his studies so he could graduate. "I'm afraid not, the only thing that will help with that would be time and maybe some coffee if he can have that."

"Don't you have coffee here?" She asked knowing that they didn't have anything that could hinder recovery, but coffee wouldn't do that would it?

Holly shook her head, placing a blanket over John's lap as he snuggled closer to his foster mother. "The caffeine can slow the detox process, and it can become a mood changing habit, so we try to not keep it on campus."

Clarissa adjusted John's sleeping form pulling his upper body from behind her so that he was laying on her lap. "How much longer do you think he'll need to stay?"

Holly smiled, looking down at her notes. "He's been making incredible progress through the detox, it's just a matter of treating his PTSD and depression at this time."

"Depression?" Clarissa asked, her heart jumping with fear at the illness known as the Silent Killer. "He has depression?"

Holly nodded, watching as Clarissa ran her fingers through John's coffee bean colored hair. "It's a common side effect after the drugs he's taken, as well as the abuse from his childhood, and that combined with his PTSD, could be a very risky combination. I've seen a lot of people go off the deep end with just one of those disorders, but combined… Clarissa, if he ever gets in a bad enough place… it could be a death sentence."

John whimpered in his sleep, only relaxing when Clarissa whispered in his ear. "It's okay, Pumpkin." She looked back up at the therapist, fighting the fear in her chest. "What should we do to help?"

Holly smiled, noticing how gentle Clarissa was with her charge. "He obviously trusts you, so I think that if you just check up on him, and see how he's doing that he'll be alright. But I wouldn't let him have any knives, or any other weapons, just to be safe."

* * *

Claire laid with John on his cot that the center had given him, her ear pressed against his chest as he slept. She listened to his heart, noticing that the beat had gotten stronger since the last time she'd seen him. The rasp in his breath was still there, the cocaine and smoking having a permanent effect on his lungs. She pressed her hand between his shoulder-blades, closing her eyes as his arms tightened around her. "I love you." She whispered, kissing the base of his throat. "I can't wait for you to come home tomorrow. Even if it is only for a few hours." She touched his jaw, able to see that he hadn't shaved for a few days if not weeks. "I got us both a costume that I think you'll really love."


	176. Chapter 176

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Six**

Amelia squealed as she bolted toward John, leaping into his arms as he swung her onto his hips. "John!" She wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing his cheek against hers. "You're home!"

He chuckled, giving her a quick kiss on the ear. "Did you get your ears pierced?" He asked, feeling a small jewel against his lips.

She nodded, brushing her hair over her shoulders. "I got diamonds like you and Claire have."

He smiled, feeling her heels dinging into his back where he'd been having muscle spasms for a few weeks. "Hey, loosen up a little. My back is giving me shit."

Clarissa smiled, looking down at the prescription bottle in her hand and the little pill case that she had to fill. "He has to go back after trick-or-treating, baby. He can't stay for long."

Amelia shook her head, squeezing John close to her. "No!" She cried, craving John's touch and the way he would protectively cuddle her after a bad dream. "He has to stay!" Tears sprung to her eyes, fear rising in her chest at the thought of John being kept away from her again. "He can't go!"

Claire watched as John's eyes showed his heartbreak, practically able to see the fracture as it happened. "John." She kissed his neck, brushing his hair back behind his ear. "It's okay…"

He placed Amelia in Cody's arms, taking Claire's hands and pressing his forehead against hers. "I fucked up." He let her kiss his lips, matching a slow pace that she set. His hands traveled to her wrists, and he slowly moved her until a wall was only a few inches from her back, before he lifted her hands above her head and slammed her into the wall. His body pressed against her, his movements becoming faster, stronger, hungrier for her. He pressed his hips against her stomach, allowing her to feel his hard. He moaned into her mouth as she pressed closer to him, her tongue pushing so deep into his throat that she was nearly choking him.

She pulled back, freeing her hands from his fingers and wrapping them around his slowly filling out hips. She couldn't feel his bones anymore, but she also knew that he had a long way to go. "What are you doing?" She asked, as he pushed himself against her hips.

"You did it again." He whispered, smirking as she slipped her hands into his back pockets. "All you gotta do is kiss me, and I get a boner."

She shook her head, guiding him up to her room to show him the costumes she'd gotten for them. "Well, you're not getting anything, at least not until you get out of rehab."

He tilted his head, his brow furrowing in confusion. "You're not waiting until our wedding night anymore?"

She rubbed her fingers through his hair, opening her door to show the Morticia and Gomez Addams costumes on her bed. "I'll only do it if you earn it before then."

He chuckled, taking his costume from her and slipping into it without a moment's hesitation. "Sweets, just being allowed to kiss you is enough for me."


	177. Chapter 177

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Seven**

John picked up a safety pin from Mary's sewing basket, pulling Claire closer so that he could pin her dress up. "Come here." He pinched the fabric of her neckline together, pinning it together so it wasn't so lowcut. "There. Now you're not on display." He smirked, kissing her soft lips.

She giggled, touching his trimmed mustache with her fingertips. "I only like being on display for you."

He chuckled, nipping at her fingertips. "I love you, Sweets."

"John!" Amelia rushed up to him, twirling around to show him her costume. "I'm you!"

He swept her onto his hips, grunting at her growing weight. "You sure are!" He laughed, noticing that she had his tattoo drawn on her arm in sharpie. "Looks good, Squirt." He brushed her hair back, noticing that she'd taken one of her new earrings out? "Shit. Amelia, did you take this out?"

"Yeah… I wanted to be just like you." She stated, not understanding his distress.

"Fuck, Amelia, those aren't healed yet. You're gonna need to get it pierced again."

She touched her ear, remembering how Dominic had held her while his friend Dustin had pushed the needle through her lobe. "Again?"

He sighed, setting her on the floor as Claire straightened his tie. "Yes. You're supposed to leave those in for six weeks before you change them and at least two months before you leave them out." He touched his own piercing, feeling how bare it was without Claire's earring in it. "I'm gonna need to pierce mine again too."

Claire kissed his cheek, handing him a plastic pumpkin bucket and walking with him and Amelia out the front door. "Let's go. You can worry about piercings later."

* * *

John held Amelia's hand tight as he pushed the girls away from a hedge, not noticing he was using that old habit until Claire said something.

"We're not sheep John." She smiled, knowing that he was only trying to protect her and Amelia from the demons in his past. "And this is a great neighborhood. We're not gonna get jumped out here." She combed her finger's through his slicked back hair, rubbing some of the gel off on her fingers. "At most we might get mugged by a couple little ghosts who want our candy."

He breathed a laugh, jumping as a herd of princesses, pirates, ghosts, and goblins thundered out of the bushes toward the next house up the street. "Not sure about the mugging, but maybe trampled to death would be an option."

Amelia peeked into John's candy bucket, noticing that he didn't have very much, despite how he was carrying the candy for both he and Claire in the one tote. "Where's all your candy?"

He smiled down at her, trying to hide the fact that he'd eaten a lot of it and whatever he didn't like he'd been tossing into her bag. "When you get as big as me, people don't give you much candy."

"HA!" Medusa's voice barked behind them. "Please, you've been eating that shit since the first house."

John turned, pushing Amelia and Claire behind him. "What do you want Medusa?" He asked, noticing that she was dressed up like a sexy mermaid with everything except for her nipples and ass on display.

She fluttered her fake eyelashes, and moved closer to him. "I thought that since I'm just a lowly mermaid, that perhaps Poseidon would welcome me to his tower." She purred, using what little she knew about Greek mythology to try and lure him to her.

"Listen, Siren, I may be Greek, but water isn't my thing. I can't even take a bath without freaking out, so I'm definitely not Poseidon." He thought for a moment, wondering exactly what god he would be. "Hephaestus maybe. But Poseidon, definitely not."

"Isn't Hephaestus ugly though?" She asked, reaching toward him as if to touch him. "Because, you're anything but, Sweet cheeks."

He slapped her hand away, leaning toward her with pitch-black eyes. "Don't call me that." He snapped, pointing a finger in her face. "Ever." He took Amelia and Claire's hands in his, pulling them down the street as he tried to stomp out the memories under his shoes. "Fucking bitch." He growled, his eyes only going darker as his anger neared its peak before it deflated and he pulled Claire into a strong kiss.


	178. Chapter 178

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Eight**

Claire pulled the black wig off of her head, fluffing her hair up as she began to slip out of her dress. She wiped the makeup off of her face, jumping as John's calloused hands tenderly caressed her waistline. "Hey, Sugar." She breathed, feeling his soft lips brush over her neck.

"My Sweets." He whispered, his voice not quite matching any of his tones. "I love you…"

* * *

Claire bolted from her dream, looking around John's empty room as she searched for him. "John?" She spoke so softly that she could hardly hear her own voice. "Fuck." She bowed her head in her hands, trying to force her tears away as she thought of how far John was from her. "I miss you so much…"

* * *

John threw his covers off of his legs, walking over to his window to look out at the moon. "Mi corazón…" He breathed, lifting the t-shirt he'd stolen from Claire's room to his nose. "Soon, you will beat in my chest again… you will cause my blood to both boil and rush, you will give me life, and show me the love I've never felt." He closed his eyes, touching the key at his throat. "But until that day, I shall make due."

* * *

Holly opened John's door, smiling as she saw him asleep with his notebook under his hand and Chance curled up in the bend of his knees. "John?" She whispered, brushing her fingers through his still damp hair from the shower he'd taken when he'd gotten back to the center. "You okay in here?"

He groaned, burying his face into his pillow as he refused to wake up. "Too much sugar…"

She chuckled, picking up his notebook, before she closed it and placed it on the bedside table. "Not feeling to hot today, huh?"

He shook his head, sitting up as she handed him one of his medications and a glass of water. "Spent half the night throwing up."

She patted Chance on the head as John slowly gathered his wits, knowing that he had to wake up slowly. "Well, I think you'll like what Thomas left for you this morning. He couldn't stay though, he had a case to take care of."

John nodded, pulling on an old t-shirt as he crawled out of bed. "God, it isn't more candy is it?"

"No. I think it's better."

* * *

John froze in the doorway to the rec hall, looking at the small family at one of the tables. "Frank? Julia?" He stepped toward the young parents, placing his hand on his goddaughter's head. "Hey there, Cupcake…" He breathed, gently kissing her little nose.

Frank chuckled, taking his daughter from his wife to let John hold her. "She's missed Uncle John." He smiled, watching how John cradled her in his arms.

He breathed a laugh, rubbing his thumb over her hair as she looked up at him with eyes like the sea. "I've missed her too." He smiled, bringing his face closer to the baby girl as she reached for his nose. "How's my little Cupcake, huh?"

Julia kissed her child's head, touching John's hands as he sang a low tune to her. "She only sleeps when we play your tape."

"And she started Crawling yesterday." Frank scratched Chance's ear letting the Pit Bull lick his hand. "Looks like that frog that Amelia has in her fish tank."

John didn't hear them, he was to focused on the child he'd helped bring into the world as she giggled at him and gave a toothless baby grin. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't take my Cupcake away." He took a bottle from Julia, letting her show him exactly how to feed the baby in his arms. "I needed this." He sighed, chuckling as Amelia took the bottle in her mouth.

Frank nodded, placing his hand on John's shoulder as he fed the baby. "So did we. It's not the same without you hanging around to babysit if we need you."

He chuckled, looking up at the parents. "I'll be better." He stated, closing his eyes as Julia combed her fingers through his hair. "For her."


	179. Chapter 179

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy-Nine**

Jessica smiled at the receptionist behind the counter to John's rehab center, placing a fake ID on the counter top. "I'm here to see my boyfriend, Johnathan Bender." She smiled sweetly at the woman, turning on her charm in hopes of getting in. "He's been here for a while and I was hoping to get to lift his spirits a little."

The woman looked her over, knowing full well that this was not John's fire-haired goddess. "I'm sorry, only people on the list are allowed to see him. And I don't seem to have you on here."

"I'm Claire Standish. John's girlfriend."

She shook her head, pointing to a small photo that she'd taken of John and Claire together. "I'm sorry, But Claire has red hair, and yours is brown."

Jessica huffed, looking up as a familiar form walked into the sitting room behind the desk. "John!" She called, waving a hand at him.

"Fuck off, Siren!" He growled, having to pull on Chance's leash as she started to show aggression at her master's temper. "You're not welcome here!"

"But Sweet Cheeks-"

"Don't fucking call me that, Bitch!" He shouted, feeling how Chance was practically begging for the pin command. "I told you I don't like it, and I don't like you. So, go to Hell!"

"Johnny-"

"Chancie, lock down." He ordered, dropping the leash as Chance barreled toward Jessica with all of her Pit Bull strength carrying her.

Jessica screamed, rushing away from the dog as she bounded toward her. "Get away you mutt!"

John gave a shrill whistle, calling Chance back to his side. "Get out of here Medusa." He ordered, feeding Chance a treat from his pocket as he used the clicker to reward her. "Go back to the rest of the gorgons."

* * *

Amelia giggled as her new kitten pounced at her shoelaces, rubbing the fur between her ears. "Good kitty Kayla." She smiled, looking up as Dominic burst through the door.

"I found the guys who did it." He gasped, stumbling over his own feet as he looked at the family. "I found the fuckers who raped him."


	180. Chapter 180

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty**

Clarissa stood, pushing Dominic from the sitting room to speak with him. "You found them?" She whispered, squeezing his arm.

He nodded, swallowing at the memory of John's naked, cum-covered body. "Yeah. They came in for tattoos today."

"How do you know it was them?" She asked, looking into those dark eyes of his.

"They were bragging on it. They talked about Chance a lot -that's how I knew it was them."

She snarled, grabbing her purse and her keys. "I'm going to see John. Tell the others where I went." She slammed the door on her way out.

* * *

John blew the sweat from his upper lip, flexing his hands in the wrappings as his breath heaved in and out of his chest. "It's in the past." He sighed, pushing the punching bag back as he took another hard swing at it. "It's over." He brought his knee up as if he was going for a low blow. "You can't change the past, so forget it." He stripped his hoodie over his head, tossing it on the floor, before he lit into the bag with new vigor. "You can't control it."

Holly pushed the gym door open, smiling as John's animalistic behavior started to fade. "John." She called, able to see the muscles in his back twitch with exhaustion. "Clarissa's here to see you."

He nodded, barely turning his head to look at her from the corner of his eye. "Let her in."

Holly opened the door for Clarissa to see him, choosing to leave them alone to talk.

"Johnathan, we found them." She flinched as a loud smack sounded from John's fist flying into the leather bag. "We can end this."

He turned to her, looking into her eyes that were so much like Claire's. "It will never end, Mom." He stated, the memory of the leader's dick being shoved down his throat still fresh from the flashback he'd had a few hours ago. "The memories are there. They'll always be there."

She reached for his hands, noticing that his wraps were soaked with sweat. "Do you want to take this to court?" She asked, holding his hands close to her chest as she looked into his broken eyes.

"Only because they can't do it to anyone else." He gave a little smile, pulling her to his chest in a strong hug. "I can't stand someone else going this."

She breathed a laugh, patting the bare skin of his chest and feeling the way her palm stuck to his sweaty torso. "You're putting on weight again." She pushed him back, looking at his hips and ribs to see that the bones weren't sticking out as bad anymore.

He ducked his head, smirking at the fact that she'd noticed his gain. "Am I looking more like a living human?"

She nodded, kissing his cheek. "You always look like a living human, you're just healthier now."


	181. Chapter 181

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-One**

John tightened his tie around his neck, fixing his lapel as he looked in the mirror of his room. It'd been nearly three days since his treatments at the rehab center had ended, and so far he'd been doing good with staying sober. Though, he wasn't sure how he would do after he was forced to see the men who'd raped him.

Claire rubbed her hands over his shoulders, pinching his muscles in an attempt to relax them. "It'll be okay." She whispered, kissing the hollow behind his ear as she brushed his hair back to the nape of his neck.

He breathed a laugh, turning and wrapping his hands around her back. "I love you, Sweets." He kissed her lips, his movements slow and gentle at first, but soon turning hungry for her. He pushed his tongue into her mouth, letting her playfully fight him for dominance. He closed his teeth over her tongue, gently suckling on it as she closed her lips over his. He moaned as she pushed farther into him, his pants starting to feel uncomfortable as her hands slipped into his back pockets.

She smiled, able to feel his hard against her hips. "John. Stop it."

He looked down at his hips, picking up a pillow to hide the bulge. "I can't control it, Babe." He sighed, sitting on his bed. "I couldn't control that I got a woody when the gang was going down on me, and I can't control it when you kiss me like that."

She sighed, feeling his hands slowly travel down her body and his fingers grip her thighs. "I wish you didn't have to go to court again." She mumbled as he lifted her onto his hips, she pushed his hair behind his ears, looking into his eyes that were the perfect match to dark chocolate.

He nodded, kissing her collarbone as he sat on his bed. "I'll be okay." He smiled, closing his eyes as she rubbed her fingers through his hair. "Promise."

She smiled, trying to force the memory of his seizures away. "I'm just afraid that you'll have an attack."

He chuckled, holding her hand over his heart. "I won't."

* * *

John's muscles tensed as the first of the gang members walked into the court room, his hands balling into fists at the memory of what he'd done to him. "That's Thunder Thighs." He whispered, pointing to the little notes on his notepad that he'd made to help him keep everything straight. "He's the one that tied me up, and made sure I was spread-eagle." He swallowed at the memory, scratching behind Chance's ears to distract from the return of the pain he'd felt.

Thomas reached a hand out toward John, waiting for him to give the okay for contact. "Do you remember what he said to you?" He asked, hating that he had to push for these things.

John nodded, forcing the words from his mouth. "'Suck my dick you fucking faggot slut.'" He shuddered with the taste of the words. "When I tried to refuse… he… he grabbed me and pulled so hard that I thought it would pop off."

Thomas dropped his gaze, able to see the fight inside of John. "Sicko." He nodded to another one, noticing that he had a long, hooked nose. "And that one?" He asked, listening to John's breath change.

"That's Buzzard." He stated, remembering the man's rough hands grabbing at his body. "His thing is control. He likes to control everything you do and say." He remembered how Buzzard had caused pain with every refusal, but rewarded with pleasure at every agreement. "He'll crush your balls if you don't let him, but if you say yes, he'll either give you a second, or he'll find something that feels okay." John remembered the words they'd used to describe themselves. "He's a dominant. He uses reward and punishment as tools in his arsenal."

Thomas nodded, reaching toward John as he began to slip into a memory. "Hey, stay with me son." He soothed, smiling as John's dark eyes focused on him again. "Just relax. We'll get through this."

John swallowed, giving a short bob of his head as the judge slammed her gavel down on the stand. "Court is now in session, the case is that of Johnathan Bender, verses, the Dead Cross Gang on the charges of gang rape."


	182. Chapter 182

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Two**

John stepped up to the stand, going through the all too familiar routine of being sworn in. "I swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." He stated, taking a seat in the witness stand.

"Mr. Bender, is it true, that you did indeed give consent to the act of homosexual sexual relations?" Kemp paced before John, trying to ignore the glare the kid was giving him.

"This would be more than a yes or no question." John stated, letting Chance lay her upper body over his lap. "I only gave consent, because they threatened to rape my family if I didn't." He motioned to the leader, remembering how he'd had a Prince Albert piercing. "Prick Dick over there, found the photos in my wallet and told me he'd rape my little sister and every woman in the house if I didn't let them take me."

Kemp narrowed his gaze, noticing how John's fingers dug into his Pit Bull's hair. "So you would rather take a penis up your rectum, than let women be used for their intended purpose?"

John snarled, leaning forward slightly until Chance pushed him back into the chair. "Women are not sexual objects, Kemp." He nodded to the leggy blonde secretary at Kemps table. "I know that you see things differently, but I'm not like that."

Kemp's brows furrowed, remembering the last time he'd come across this kid in court. "Mr. Bender, this is not about my views on the act of sex." He cocked a brow at the kid. "If I remember correctly, the last time we met, you were a virgin. Correct?"

John nodded, shuddering at the memory of the gang cutting his clothes away and lubing him up to be ready for their lengths. "I'm still a virgin where it counts." He stated. "My dick wasn't in any kind of hole. So, therefor, I'm still a virgin in the front."

Kemp placed his reading glasses on, looking down at some records in John's file. "I see that you were recently released from the Huntington Highlands Rehabilitation Center, which you were admitted to for a Cocaine relapse." He looked up at John, sliding his glasses down on his nose. "Is that true?"

"Yes, Sir." John answered, flipping his hair back slightly. "I relapsed on a lot of shit. From Pot to Coke."

"And what made you decide to relapse?"

"I got into a disagreement with my girlfriend." John swallowed, trying to forget the fight. "I ran off, I was raped, and the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital with doctors running rape kits, and std tests on me."

Kemp raised his brows, this new information peaking his interests. "Do you have the paperwork from these tests?" He asked, looking back over his shoulder at the gang.

"Yes, Sir. My uncle is getting copies made as we speak." John made a face as Chance licked his chin, rubbing the slobber from his face. "We just need to wait for him to get here."


	183. Chapter 183

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Three**

Kemp paced before John, watching as his muscles noticeably tensed under his suit. "Your foster mother, Clarissa Standish was in a car accident shortly after your relapse, correct?" He asked, watching as John fought against something inside of him.

"Yes, Sir." He answered, forcing himself away from the edge of the memory.

"Do you feel any guilt, that the accident could possibly be connected?"

John sat up straighter, scratching Chance's ears. "I feel some guilt that the two were connected. But ultimately I blame the drunk who was driving with too much booze in him." The image of Clarissa laying motionless in her hospital bed flashed behind his eyes, making his body react by slamming his back into the back of the chair. "Can we take a break?" He asked, knowing that it wouldn't be long before he was pulled under by a memory.

The judge nodded, smiling kindly at the young man in the stand. "Ten minutes for a break, then we will return to this subject."

Kemp glared at John as he patted his dog's shoulder before he stood, noticing that the dog had a service animal vest on. "Johnathan," His fingers brushed John's sleeve, and in an instant the dog was snarling at him, "Call that beast off!" He yelped, wondering how simply brushing against John's shoulder could make the animal react this way.

John gave a snap of his fingers, letting Chance know to back down. "Don't fucking touch me again." He growled, his eyes turning to black fire. "I won't call her off next time."

Kemp shrunk back, the way the kid's eyes changed color was unnerving in itself, but his threats made it even more unsettling. "That dog should be euthanized!" He exclaimed, remembering the little girl who lived in the house. "She could attack that child and send her to the hospital!"

John scoffed, his eyes shifting behind Kemp as Prick Dick moved in his seat. "She's never attacked anyone in her life. Just because she _was_ a fighting dog, doesn't mean she's naturally aggressive."

Clarissa wrapped her arm around John's shoulder, pulling him away from Kemp as he drew closer to that edge between Safe John, and Dangerous John. "Pumpkin, come on, let's get something in your stomach. You haven't eaten all day." She spoke softly into his ear, smiling at the way his eyes changed from black fire to dark chocolate. "I brought some chocolate milk for you."

He nodded, his muscles relaxing as she rubbed his shoulder. "That sounds nice." He whispered, stepping with her from the court room.

* * *

Asher smiled as he placed the papers from John's rape kits and bloodwork on the table beside Thomas. "I also found something else we might be able to use." He spoke so softly that John couldn't hear him, knowing that this last piece wouldn't be something John wanted to be seen. "They taped it."

Thomas's head snapped up, his green eyes flashing with fear of what that tape might show. "They what?"

John fell silent, thinking back to what he'd seen while in that dungeon. "There was a light." He stated, looking up at Asher and Thomas. "There was a blinking red light. I think… I think it was a camcorder."

Asher dropped his gaze, knowing that the gang was full of sick things like that. "It was, Johnny. They recorded everything they did to you."

John squeezed his eyes shut, leaning into Claire as she held him tight. "I don't want to see it."

Thomas nodded, taking the tape from Asher and taking it from the room. "Only the judge will see it." He promised, praying that John would heal from this over time.


	184. Chapter 184

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Four**

John watched as Prick Dick was sworn in, remembering how his piercing had irritated the sensitive skin of his rectum when he'd drilled into him.

Thomas looked the man over, before beginning his questions. "Mr. Porter, is it true, that you have a fiancée?"

Prick Dick nodded, smiling at a young, pregnant woman in the back of the court room. "Yes, Sir. She's carrying my son as we speak."

John growled, remembering what he'd spoken to him. "'You're my fucking cum whore. If I could fuck you in the ass every day, I would.'" He quoted, feeling vomit rise in his throat at the words. "That's what you said to me. Is that what you say to her?" He asked, ignoring how Thomas motioned for him to sit down. "Do you slap her ass so hard that your handprint is swollen in her skin? Do you make her take your dick down her throat, so that Prince Albert you've got in your penis scrapes her throat so raw that she can hardly talk?"

Thomas looked at John, remembering how hoarse his voice had been for the first few days after they'd found him. "Johnathan. Sit down."

"No." He stepped toward the man who'd forced himself on him. "Do you tie her to the bed, the ropes so tight on her wrists and ankles that they burn and rub the skin raw?"

Thomas laid a gentle hand on John's shoulder jumping back as the kid took a wild swing. "John-"

"Do you force drugs into her, just so that she will let you do those disgusting things to her? Do you feel any remorse for what you did?"

Prick Dick's brow furrowed, noticing something about this kid that was oddly familiar. "Bender… You're one of the Bender Twin's little fucks!" He remembered losing his virginity to them as a young teen, his initiation into the gang.

John raised a hand as if to hit the man, stopping as the image of his father using the same motion flashed in his mind. "No!" He screamed, stumbling backwards as the memory took over. "Dad!"

Prick Dick watched as the kid fell to the floor, listening to the screams as he thrashed away from imagined pain. "Kid's insane."

Clarissa rushed to John's side, knowing to keep a safe distance incase the memory made him become violent. "John, John, stop. It's me Clarissa, you're safe." She reached out to touch his shoulder, yelping in shock and pain when he struck her cheek. "Johnny, please. Stop this. You're safe."

Kemp watched in both horror and joy as John was gripped by what seemed to be a demon inside of him. "You see? He's possessed!"

The Judge shook her head, slamming her gavel on the stand. "Everyone leave the room." She ordered, knowing that now she would have the chance to watch the tape that Thomas had given her in a private room. "Let him calm down."


	185. Chapter 185

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Five**

Clarissa smiled as John's eyes started focus on her, holding her hand out as he came out of the flashback. "You're okay baby."

John's eyes locked on the red splotch on her cheek, shame flooding his mind. "I hurt you!" He launched toward her, touching the red skin with gentle fingers. "Mom…" He met her gaze, fresh tears shining in his eyes. "I didn't mean it."

She shushed him, kissing his forehead as she tenderly held him to her. "I know, Pumpkin." She whispered, holding him close as the tears spilled over.

John froze as his own scream of pain reached his ears, the sound so familiar from that night that he could feel the pain. "Mom…"

Clarissa nodded, brushing his hair out of his eyes, only to see that the brown was shot through with yellow. "I know, Baby." She couldn't stand to see that yellow, no matter how faint it was, it always meant he was afraid.

"Prick Dick… he… he learned that stuff from Jacob."

Her brow furrowed, confused until she remembered that John had been forced to watch his mother be raped as a child. "You think?"

John nodded, remembering how his father had forced her to blow him. "Those were things he did to her."

* * *

The Judge stepped out of the private room, sorrow in her eyes. "I must say, I have seen a lot in my twenty years as a judge… but that may have scarred me for life." She looked down at John, giving a little smile to show that she was there for him. "I have found the Dead Cross Gang guilty of the charges. Including, rape, sexual misconduct, sexual abuse, possession of illegal drugs, blackmailing, and statutory rape of a minor. Each of you will serve a total of ten years in prison."

Prick Dick's eyes widened as he looked of his shoulder at his pregnant fiancée. "Hailey?" He stood as the cops took his arms, letting them cuff him. "I'm sorry, Babe."

She nodded, standing to kiss his lips for the last time before he was taken from her. "We'll wait for you."

John shot to his feet, rushing toward the judges stand. "Make sure he's kept safe. That kid needs a dad." He remembered holding Johanna for the first time, knowing that he wouldn't be able to stand it if he was forced away from his own children for ten years. "Please."

She gave a small smile, resting her hand on John's knuckles. "I'll do my best."


	186. Chapter 186

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Six**

Kemp raised his hand, standing as he stared John down. "So, we're just going to ignore the fact that Johnathan is indeed violent and dangerous to those around him?" He motioned to Clarissa, pointing out the red mark on her cheek. "He attacked his foster mother! He should be in a mental institution!" He motioned to John's head. "He's sick in the mind! Sees things that aren't there!"

Claire growled, wondering why John hadn't sent Chance after the snake yet. "He's not sick!" She shouted, touching John's arm as he slowly blinked with Kemp shouting at him.

"The boy's insane! He screams and attacks things and people who aren't there! He puts everyone around him in danger! He's exposed children to drugs, and God knows what else!" Kemp looked up at the judge, remembering what Jessica Jenkins had told him about John being in possession of marijuana. "He's brought Cannabis into the home, and exposed children to it!"

John dropped his gaze to his boots, ashamed that what Kemp was saying did hold truth to it. "I won't lie. I bought one milligram of Dope more than a month ago. Yes. It was in the house, but I kept it in my pocket at all times and made sure that Amelia wouldn't get her hands on it." He met Clarissa's eyes, able to see the disappointment at the confession in her gaze. "I also suffer from an illness known as PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's a side effect from the abuses I faced as a child. That's why I struck Clarissa. I didn't mean it. I was reliving the time that my father Jacob Bender, whipped me with a bike chain and forced me to watch him rape my mother." He shuddered at the memory, choosing to let these people see the demons in his past. "My father helped to start the Dead Cross. And I am choosing to be better than him." He took Claire's hand, looking into her eyes. "If not for me, then for my family that one day will be real." He kissed her lips, his eyes closing as her breath fanned over his cheeks.

Kemp glowered at the kids, noticing that John's movements were so gentle that he could have been holding a butterfly in his teeth and not hurt it. "I swear, one day, I will get you for something. And when that day comes, you will be in prison."

Thomas shook his head, taking a familiar earring from one of the thugs and placing it in John's palm. "It'll be a cold day in Hell when that happens." He watched as John handed the earring to Claire, smiling as she poked it through the thin skin on the back of his piercing. "And until that day, John is our family." He chuckled, ruffling John's hair up. "I am proud to call him my son."

"Thanks Dad." John smirked, wrapping his hand around Claire's hips as he held her close to him.

* * *

Amelia giggled, leaping into John's arms as he walked through the door. "My tooth fell out!" She opened her mouth, pointing to where her loose canine tooth had been.

He chuckled, adjusting her on his hip. "Holy cow!" He smiled, taking the baby tooth from her hand as she gave it to him. "Damn, kid, if you keep losing teeth like this, I'll have to chew your food for you." He poked her sides, tickling her as she wiggled around.

"Stop!" She screamed, laughing as he placed her on the wood flooring. "Uncle Frank and Aunt Julia are here." She smiled, rushing off to visit with them.

John shook his head, limping to the sitting room where they'd set up a small playpen for Johanna to play in. "Hey there, Cupcake." He smiled, picking the baby up and kissing her nose as he bounced her in his arms. "What's happening?"

She laughed, placing her chubby little hand on his nose.

Claire watched as John slipped his finger into the baby's hand, a small smile playing on her lips as he sang a soft song to the child.

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone It's not warm when she's away Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And she's always gone too long Anytime she goes away Wonder this time where she's gone Wonder if she's gone to stay Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And this house just ain't no home Anytime she goes away And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, Hey, I oughtta leave young thing alone But ain't no sunshine when she's gone Ain't no sunshine when she's gone Only darkness every day Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And this house just ain't no home Anytime she goes away Anytime she goes away Anytime she goes away Anytime she goes away." He rocked her in his arms as she yawned, not seeing the jealous look Amelia was giving him. "That's my princess." He smiled, kissing the baby's head as she slipped into sleep.


	187. Chapter 187

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Seven**

Amelia glared at her reflection in her mirror, pulling on her curly brown hair as she huffed. "Why does he love that stupid baby so much?" She asked, turning to look at Chance and her kitten who she'd named Pop Tart. "She can't even talk." She sat on her bed, touching the freckles on her cheeks and thinking about how Johanna's was so fair. "Maybe he doesn't like my freckles." She remembered how Johanna's hair was so short and straight. "Or my hair." She picked up a pair of safety scissors, pulling on a lock of her long flowing hair and slipping it off. "If it's short maybe he'll like me again."

* * *

John knocked on Amelia's door, stuffing his hand into his pocket as he waited for her to let him inside. "Hey, Squirt?" He asked, listening to her tape that they'd made played on her little stereo. "Can I come in?"

"Go away." She snapped, looking at her reflection with distain as she saw her hack job of a haircut.

John's brow furrowed, knowing that something was up. He opened her door, freezing as he looked at the beautiful brown curls on her floor and the short choppy cut of her hair. "What the fuck did you do?" He asked, rushing to her side and holding her shoulders in his hands as he looked at her hair. "Amelia? Why did you do this?" He combed his fingers into her cropped hair, looking into her eyes as tears made them glimmer like jewels.

"You love that dumb baby more than me." She sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

John shook his head, picking the child up and sitting on her bed. "Why do you think that?" He asked, picking up the scissors to try and clean up the hack job Amelia had done on herself.

"You always spend more time with her when she's here. And you called her Princess." She wiped her eyes with her palms, listening to John trim her hair up. "You're always at her house. And the only time you're here is when I'm asleep."

John snipped a chunk of her hair to the right length, pressing his lips into a thin line as he looked at her ruined curls. "Squirt, I love you and Johanna the same. I don't play favorites." He heaved a sigh, cutting another chunk of hair at the nape of her neck. "It's just that Johanna is a baby. She needs more attention right now." He placed a finger under her chin, tilting her head to look at him. "Just because I take care of her when I can, doesn't mean I don't love you. But she is my godchild, and I'm the one who helped her be born." He kissed her head wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "You're my little sister Amelia. I will always love you. That's what brothers do. We love our little sisters, but we can't let our entire worlds revolve around them. There are other people who need our love." He took a breath, closing his eyes as he thought of a way to tell her this. "Princess, one day, Claire and I are going to have our own kids. We're going to move out and get our own place. We're not going to have a lot of time for everyone. Babies… they're a lot of work. And we're not gonna be able to be here all the time." He paused for a moment. "Sweetheart, when I was a baby, I didn't get a lot of love. I don't want Johanna to ever feel that way. But I don't want you to feel that way either, understand?"

She nodded, sniffling as he returned to trimming up her hair. "Do you still love me?"

"Of course, I do!" He turned her head to look in her mirror, smiling at the reflection of them. "Look at you." He touched her freckled cheeks. "You've got stars on your skin, sapphires for eyes, the cutest Goddamn nose I've ever seen." He kissed her cheek, combing her hair back with his fingers. "I will always love you, Princess. Nothing could make me stop loving you." He placed his hand over her heart. "You're the reason I know how to love. And I promise you, that nothing can steal my love from you."


	188. Chapter 188

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Eight**

John wrapped his arms around Amelia, pressing his lips to her short hair. He listened to her sleep, his eyes flitting to the doorway as Clarissa and Thomas's voices floated down the hallway.

"They want the photoshoot done tomorrow?" Clarissa asked, her voice sounding on edge. "We don't have anything for them to wear. John's jeans are all too big, his shirts don't fit right, the girls need new dresses, the boys need haircuts again-"

"Clarissa, relax. I took Claire shopping yesterday. She picked out some clothes for everyone and we've got it covered."

* * *

Dominic shrugged into his leather jacket, placing his ice blue shades over his eyes. "Johnny! Your damn dog takes longer to get ready than I do!"

John placed a pair of sunglasses on Chance's snout, grinning as he led her onto the photographer floor. "Shut up, jackass." He chuckled, yelping as Jim talked him to the ground. "What the fuck man?"

Jim laughed, wheezing as Dominic, Kaylie and Allison piled on top of his back. "Hey!" He winced as Chance's weight was added to the top of the stack, looking down at John as he rested his chin on his palm. "Your damn dog."

John rolled his eyes, blinking as the camera flash went off. "She has a mind of her own." He stated, smiling as Amelia held Johanna in her arms.

* * *

Claire kissed John's lips as he pulled his helmet off, taking his hand as he walked her to her first day of work. "Those album covers came out pretty good, didn't they?" She nodded to the posters in the music store's windows, smirking at the image of Chance on top of the pile of teens.

John shook his head, a crooked smile playing on his lips. "Yeah. I'm glad they picked that one." He paused as someone placed an announcement board in the walkway. "Oh yeah. We're doing a signing on Saturday. I forgot about that." He chuckled as he noticed a few young girls pointing at him and whispering behind their hands. "They also want us to do a trial concert this month."

Claire kissed his neck, slipping her hand into his back pocket and squeezing his left butt cheek. "You guys are gonna blow up." She grinned, remembering the insane number of records they'd sold in the last three days. "It's only been out for three days, and you've sold twelve thousand records!"

He rolled his eyes, knowing that she was secretly worried that the fame would go to his head. "Babe, numbers don't matter." He kissed her cheek, touching the wad of cash he had in his pocket. "All that matters is our love."

Claire shot a glare at one of the girls ogling John's ass. "We should spend the night in the cave tonight." She whispered as they walked into Contempo Comforts. "Just us."

He nodded, patting her hip as he walked with her to the desk to clock in. "That sounds perfect." He smiled, noticing that a young male was eyeballing Claire's boobs. "I'll come get you at five." He kissed her lips, squeezing her butt to show that she was his. "be good."

She smirked, tapping the key at his neck. "Stay out of trouble."

He chuckled, placing his hand over the earring in her ear. "No promises, Sweets."


	189. Chapter 189

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Nine**

John smiled at the jeweler, pointing to the setting he wanted. "I want that setting. But this diamond." He reached into his hair, pulling the earring from his piercing and placing it on the counter. "I'll pay you an extra five hundred if you can engrave the words my angel inside of the band."

The jeweler looked down his nose at the kid, noticing something familiar about this kid. "You're that singer from that band, aren't you?" He sneered, taking the ring out of the case, and taking the earring from John's hand. "The one who sings that God-awful rock noise."

John smirked, knowing that everyone had a different taste. "Yes, Sir. Johnny Bender at your service." He watched as the man began working on the ring, watching as he fit the diamond into the setting. "And, just for the record, I've been writing those songs since I was ten."

He looked up at John, adjusting his glasses as he studied the kid. "Obviously."

"What kind of music do you like?" He asked, leaning on the counter only to have the man shew him out of the light.

"Jazz." He stated, fixing the gem in place.

John nodded, watching as he began engraving the band. "See, and I like Rock. Everyone has a different taste in music. Trick is to not judge the album by the cover."

"Is that your beast on the cover of your album?" He asked, finishing the ring up and placing it in a box.

"That's Chance. She's my service dog. I just told my goddaughter's folks that they could keep her for a little bit."

"Shouldn't a service dog be with her master at all times? In case of emergencies?"

John smirked, watching as the Jeweler rung up his tab. "It's okay if you say seizures. And she usually is, with me for that reason." He placed the money roll on the counter, taking the ring from him and placing it in his pocket. "By the way, my girlfriend is working over at Contempo Comforts. If a little redhead comes in here, don't tell her I was here. I'm gonna pop the question at my concert next month."

"Congratulations." The jeweler droned, giving John his receipt.

* * *

John arranged a bunch of blankets and pillows into a giant nest in the cave, placing some candles around the nest and placing a lighter beside a bottle of non-alcoholic cabernet and two glasses. "Perfect." He smiled, checking his watch. "Shit!" He rushed from the cave, pulling on his helmet as he started his bike and rushed to get the roses he'd bought for Claire before he picked her up from work.

* * *

Claire kissed John's lips as she walked out of her work, taking the roses from his hands. "What's the occasion?" She asked, batting her eyelashes as she thought of the surprise she'd planned for him.

He tilted his head, letting her slip her hand into his back pocket. "Does there have to be an occasion for me to get my Sweets flowers?"

She leaned on his shoulder, kissing his neck where he had a fading hickey from where she'd suckled on his skin a few days ago. "No."

He wrapped his hand around her waist kissing her ear. "Come on, I've got something to show you."


	190. Chapter 190

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety**

Claire nestled into John's shoulder, watching the sunset from their little spot. She sipped on her glass of non-alcoholic wine, tracing her fingers over John's bare chest. "This is perfect." She breathed, listening to his heart deep in his chest.

He nodded, kissing her forehead as he focused on her shoulder pressed into his side. "More perfect than I ever thought possible."

She looked at his pile of clothing, noticing that his notebook was sitting on the top of the pile. "Have you written anything new?"

"Huh?" He asked, his eyes looking into hers as they changed with the sky. "Oh. Yeah, I… wrote some stuff while I was in rehab." He reached for the book, handing it to Claire before he settled back into his previous position. "It's just a bunch of shit that I came up with when I was detoxing."

She traced her hands over his neat penmanship, drinking in the words that bared his soul to her.

The Gray Zone

I hear the gravel beneath my shoes  
I haven't seen the sun in days, just  
an endless gray fog. Am I on stable  
ground? Or am I headed toward a cliff?

I hear laughter, both close and from further  
away. A war rages for my sanity. Demons claws  
hold temptation while angel wings hold salvation.  
Somehow I know I need to reach a safe place.

Demons laugh like they've won, and I've made my choice.  
I reach out to feel empty air. I dropped to my knees and  
feel solid ground. I hold one image in my mind. It's the first  
light I've seen in this place. I listen. All I hear is silence.

Blessed peace. I lay down and close my eyes. My choice  
has been made. Tomorrow I begin a new path and I'll leave  
the grey zone. The scars of broken trust and wrong choices  
serve as reminders as I hope reap the benefits of unconditional love.

Claire turned the page, noticing that this one was written in red ink, as if he had been trying to show that he'd felt he needed to write this one in something like blood.

Twisted Reality / Clean Slate

I pull my coat further closed  
as the veil of fog parts revealing  
a cloaked figure hovers near a mirror.  
As I move closer, he turns.

"Who are you?" I ask. Silence.  
He picks up a box and pulls a  
key from his robes. The click  
sounds ominous in the quiet room.

Every rotten smell imaginable burns  
my nostrils. My eyes water and I sink  
to my knees. "Why?" I ask.  
The figure removes his hood...

I'm looking at my own face.  
Yet there's something wrong.  
I see dirt, slime and the pallor of death  
evident on the doppelgänger's skin

I'm at a crossroads. I have choices to make.  
I need to start talking. I need to exorcise my  
demons. Claws reach out from the fog. My double  
opens a door and I step towards my clean slate

She touched his cheek, knowing that this was the one he'd written after he'd first discovered that there were two Johns'. There was the John that they all loved and cherished, then… there was the other John. The John they all feared, the John who would one day be so desperate for a high that he would kill himself. The John who became dangerous and cruel. The John whose face did not match his actions.

 **So this chapter isn't all my own work! Thank you HMG2000 for letting me use these poems!**


	191. Chapter 191

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-One**

John laughed as he held Amelia's hands in a tight grip and twirled her in a circle so that her feet never touched the ground. "AH!" He screamed as his foot slipped off the edge of the pool, sending both he and Amelia tumbling into the water. He curled around himself as the water covered his head, taking a huge gulp of air at the last possible second.

Claire jumped up from her seat beside the pool, waiting for John to surface for a moment after Amelia had climbed out of the water. "John?" She pulled her sandals off, watching for John to appear before she dove into the water after him, she forced herself to open her eyes, noticing that John wasn't quite there when she reached him. She touched his shoulder, looping her arms around his chest as she pushed off of the bottom of the pool and propelled them to the surface. "John?" She handed him off to Vernon as she reached the edge of the pool, hauling herself out of the water before she turned John onto his side and roughly slapped his back to get any liquid out of his lungs. "Breathe for me baby." She smiled as he coughed, watching as clear water was expelled from his mouth. "There you go."

He gagged for a moment, taking the time to get his wits about him. "Amelia?" He croaked, looking around for the little girl.

Claire nodded, pushing his sopping wet hair out of his eyes. "She's fine." She took his flannel in her hands, peeling it off of his body as his fingers wadded up in her skirt. "Come on, let's get you dried off." She smiled up at Vernon as he tried to steady the boy, knowing that he was still trying to understand all of John's little quirks and habits.

* * *

Chance licked her master's cheek, grinning up at Claire as she gave John a cup of tea.

"You ham." Claire smiled, shaking her head at the dog as she settled next to John with Johanna in her arms. "Uncle John's all wet, huh?" She asked as the baby giggled at John's soaked hair.

John breathed a laugh, brushing the back of his index finger over her cheek. "Uncle John's a dummy." He kissed the baby's nose, chuckling as she grabbed his ear with her little baby hand. "The shiny isn't there." He whispered, brushing some of his hair back to show her that the diamond was no longer there. "I put it somewhere safe."

Claire yawned, leaning her head on John's shoulder to rest as he played with their godchild. "Too bad we're not Italian." She whispered, looking up as she heard Frank and Julia's car pull up in the driveway. "Then you could pretend to be The Godfather."

He shook his head, letting Johanna hold his finger. "I'm not ruthless enough to leave a horse's head in somebody's bed to send a message."

She sighed, remembering the time he'd hidden a rubber snake in Andy's bed to scare him. "No, but you do hide things to give Andy a heart attack."

He chuckled, remembering the monster mask he'd hidden under the toilet lid. "That toilet lid monster was the best one."

"You're the one who pulled that on me?" Andy asked, remembering how the entire bathroom had been covered in piss that he had to clean up. "I thought that was Dominic!"

John shook his head. "No, that one was me." He ruffled Johanna's little baby hairs, making them stick out in every direction. "Dominic's was your soap being covered in the girls' clear nail polish."

"That ripped the hair off of my chest!"

John smirked. "At least it wasn't your pubes."

"Ugh!" Claire stuck her tongue out, shaking her head in disgust. "You guys are disgusting!"

John kissed her lips, curling his fingers into her hair. "Babe, that's just part of growing up. We all have them."

"But not everyone talks about it."

Andy took Johanna from Claire's arms, bouncing her in his arms as he took a bottle of milk from Allison. "Get a room you two."


	192. Chapter 192

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Two**

John stripped his clothing off, stepping onto the bathroom scale for his weekly weigh in. He closed his eyes, afraid that the number would be too low for his health. He stood as still as possible, listening to the silence that fell as Ryan, Thomas, Vernon, Paul, and Chris watched the needle until it stopped wiggling and showed his exact weight. "How low is it?" He asked, terrified of the answer.

Thomas smiled, looking at the number of 160 pounds. "You did it, kid." He patted John on the back, forcing himself to not notice the scarring on his shoulder blades. "You're not underweight anymore."

John opened his eyes, grinning as he saw he numbers. "I DID IT!" He cheered, jumping off of the scale and bolting to Clarissa and Thomas's bedroom. "Mom!" He shoved her door open, lifting his arms and turning around so that she could see that his ribs weren't showing anymore. "Look!"

Clarissa chuckled, placing her hands on his sides and pushing on the spots where his bones used to stick out. "Look at you." She smiled, placing her hand on his cheek and looking into those ever-changing eyes of his. "Where did you get those eyes?" She asked, remembering how the shape and lashes were from his mother, but neither of his parents had the color that changed with their emotions.

John shrugged, closing his eyes as the memory of his father using his eyes against him returned. "I don't know…"

Clarissa sighed, knowing that there was so much more to John's past than he let them see. "It's all your own then."

"Jacob… he used to say that if they kept turning black, he would poke them out."

She shook her head, pulling him to her in a motherly embrace that she knew he'd been so deprived of as a child. "Well, I would never do that." She pressed her hands against his shoulder blades, rocking him back and forth on his feet. "I love those eyes, and nothing could make me change my mind. No matter how black they get."

He smirked, resting his chin on the top of her head as he slowly began to dance to his own music. "Hey… you know how Claire and Dad are gonna have their own dance after me and her say our vows?"

"Uh huh…" She looked up at him, letting him spin her with the skill of a true dancer.

"What if me and you did the same thing?"

She smiled, placing her hand over his heart as he pulled her back to him. "I think that would be wonderful."

* * *

John scratched Chance's ears, having to work a little harder at sighing albums than he would with two hands. He smiled at the little girl beside who he guessed was her older sister, pulling a taffy from a small jar behind him and handing it to her. "Here."

She gave a shy smile, taking the candy from him before hiding behind her sister's legs.

The teen laughed, tucking her hair behind her ear as she batted her eyelashes at him. "Do you have any kids?" She asked, unaware that John was only seventeen.

He shook his head, passing the record down the line for the others to sign. "Not yet. My girl and I are waiting until we graduate." He took another Album from the next person in line, scribbling his initials on the cover beside his own image.

* * *

John rubbed his hand, attempting to work out the cramps in his muscles. "God, if we keep this up, I'll have carpal tunnel."

Claire took his hands in hers, massaging the calloused and scarred skin. "I just hope that you can still use them as well as you can now." She kissed his lips, able to taste the mint of his gum on her tongue. "I like how they feel when we spoon."

He chuckled, remembering their night in the cave and how he'd held her so close that their bodies had almost been one. "Even with the callouses?" He asked, knowing that the callouses were rough against any softer skin.

"Even the callouses." She smiled, kissing his fingers and rubbing her lips over some of the scars.


	193. Chapter 193

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Three**

John yawned, rolling out of his bed as his alarm blared in his ear. "Shut the fuck up." He slammed his hand down on the clock, stretching his hands above his head to get the kinks out of his ribs and sides. "Damn…" He sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"John! Come on! Your match is in twenty minutes!" Thomas knocked on John's door, nearly making the kid jump out of his skin.

"I'm up Dad!" He called, pulling on some basketball shorts and a tank top that had the Huntington High mascot on the front. "Why the hell are we the fucking Dolphins?" He muttered, combing his fingers into his hair and tying the longer bits back with a hairband he'd stolen from Claire's nightstand. "Why can't we be sharks or some shit?"

Claire gave a little laugh, shaking her head as she looked at her boyfriend. "You're just a shark in a sea of dolphins, Babe." She kissed his jaw, able to feel his morning scruff on his face.

He smirked, wrapping his arm around her hips and pulling her tight against his body. "I'm a wolf and you know it." He pressed a kiss to her lips, jumping back as Amelia gagged. "Go get dressed, Squirt!" He laughed, placing his fingers under Claire's chin as he looked into her eyes.

"Gross!" Amelia squealed, running to her room with Chance bounding after her.

Claire smiled, her lips locking with John's as he leaned into her. "You are a genuine ass."

"Sweets, you love my ass." He breathed, his eyes opening just enough that she could see the chocolate and whiskey tones of love.

* * *

Claire hid her face behind her hands as she watched John take a hard hit to the side, grimacing as the sound of leather gloves making contact reached her ears. She peeked through her fingers a John started his defensive, watching as he started to lay into the kid, his fists bounded into the boy's body, and Claire knew that there would be bruises tomorrow. "Dad… he's gonna get disqualified." She whispered, shocked when John actually started to back off a little. "What's he doing?"

Dominic grinned, knowing that move that John was pulling. "He's faking an injury."

Claire's head snapped up, knowing that move would be an automatic disqualification. "He can't do that."

John dodged as his opponent swung at him, biting down on his mouthguard as his other fist collided with his cheek. His head snapped up as he heard Amelia give a little cry, distracting him just enough to take a hard hit to his stomach. He glared at the kid, his eyes turning pitch-black as his mind registered the pain. He lifted his gloves, faking one hit and catching the kid as he moved to dodge.

The kid fell with a thud, and John pulled his gloves off as the ref announced that he'd won. He pulled his mouth piece out, trying to keep from getting spit all over his chest as the plastic separated from his teeth. "Once a fighter always a fighter." He took a drink of water, ducking as a loud cry from Johanna reached his ringing ears. He stepped out of the ring, pulling his wraps off of his hands and taking the baby from her mother. "Hey, Cupcake, it's okay." He wrapped a hand around Amelia's back as she crawled onto his lap. "No tears." He whispered, wiping her tears from her cheeks. "I'm not hurt."

"He was hitting you." She cried, looking at a reddened patch of skin on John's arm.

"It didn't hurt." He bounced Johanna in his other arm, kissing the baby's head. "I've felt a lot worse."

Clarissa turned her head as a sound reached her ears, glaring at the Abby's as they shot disdainful looks at John and the little ones. "Is there a problem?" She asked, handing a bottle to John as he started trying to find Johanna's lunch.

The Abby's huffed, watching as John rocked the children in his lap until they'd calmed down. "We would never let a devil worshiper around our children like that." Mrs. Abby stuck her nose in the air, not seeing how Amelia used one of her new John Bender moves to tell her off.

Claire growled, touching a bruising spot on John's cheek as he bounced the children on his lap. "I agree with Amelia."

John turned his head to look at her, biting her shirt collar until she let him kiss her. "Let it go." He whispered, locking his lips with hers as she used her body language to ask for another one.

"I hate when people look at you like that." She sighed, letting him kiss a trail over her jaw and around her throat.

"I don't mind anymore." He smiled, stopping his kisses at the hollow behind her ear. "I just care about what you think."


	194. Chapter 194

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Four**

Claire placed a bag of frozen peas on John's swollen cheek, combing her fingers through his hair as he played around with his guitar. She listened to him play, noticing that his notebook was open and he's been writing in it. "What're you working on?" She asked, smiling as he strummed a strong chord.

He shrugged, handing her the book as he went back to playing. "You can read it, if you want. It's just some ideas for songs and shit."

She flipped through the pages, reading over some of the half finished songs until she came to a complete entry.

Antidote

I see the devil when I look  
in the mirror, his blood runs  
in my veins and scars mar my  
skin from his marks of ownership.

Bitterness and guilt open up acid  
pools on life's road. Paths overgrown  
with vines block my way. Poison thorns  
tear my skin. I fall beneath the toxic onslaught

The realm of nightmares awaits.  
Millions of creatures swarm, claws and teeth  
flashing. Lies fall from their fetid throats.  
A dark figure above me. I'm about to die...

I feel a tender kiss upon my lips. An  
antidote for my life and a salve for my  
heart. I look into the eyes of my love  
and feel peace

She kissed John's lips, feeling his fingers weave into her hair and letting him pull her closer. She brushed her fingers over his jaw, trying to ignore the swelling from the worst of the hits he'd taken. "I'm happy to be your Antidote." She smiled, looking into his eyes as they seemed to change like the sunset.

 **Thank you HMG2000! I love this poem!**


	195. Chapter 195

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Five**

Clarissa shook her head, smiling at the sight of John passed out on the couch with Claire resting on his chest. "How long has he been sleeping?" She whispered, noticing how John's arms wrapped tighter around Claire's waist at her voice.

Claire looked at her watch, settling deeper into John's warm embrace. "Maybe an hour."

Thomas smiled, making John let go of Claire before he gently woke him to take him to bed. "Come on, Kiddo, bed time." He pulled John to his feet, knowing that John was far too heavy to be carried to bed anymore.

John groaned, taking Claire's hand as he limped up the stairs to his bedroom. "Sweets…"

* * *

John leaned back in his desk as Spanish class started, choosing to doodle in his textbook instead of pay attention. He already knew everything in this class anyway, and without Dominic being there with him, it was even more boring than it had been. He jumped when Toby tapped his shoulder, turning to look at the blond. "What?" He asked, still on edge from his nightmare he'd had the night before.

Toby backed off a little, placing a drawing that his sister had done on his desk. "Emma wanted me to see if you guys would sign this for her."

John gave a little smile, patting Chance's hips as she rolled over in her sleep. "Sure thing, man." He picked up a pen, scribbling his initials onto the paper.

"Johnathan." Miss Hernandez called, raising a brow at the boys. "I know that your album has blown up, but I really need you to focus on this."

John nodded, laughing as Chance jerked awake from her dream of chasing something. "Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

Frank chuckled as John rolled up to the shop, shaking his head as he saw that Chance was wearing her own motorcycle goggles. "Hey, Chancie." He smiled, patting the pooch on the head as John took his helmet off and ruffled his hair. "How's the family?"

John smirked, pulling the engagement ring from his pocket. "We're all good." He popped the box open, showing Frank the diamond. "There's about to be a future Mrs. Bender."

Frank grinned, patting John on the shoulder. "Good for you, kiddo." He touched the ring, his heart aching as he thought about how he couldn't even afford a real wedding for he and Julia.

Chad jumped when John dropped a wrench, slamming the back of his head on the hood of the truck he was working on. "God damnit, John!" He held the back of his head in his hand, glaring at John as he picked up the tool. "Don't drop shit!"

John nodded, walking over to the model T Ford he was working on. "PMS?" He smirked with the joke.

"Fuck off John." Chad snapped, pulling on the belt that needed replaced.

John held his hands up, stepping over Chance as she napped beside him. "Dude, you've been way on edge lately." He pushed Chance's bone to the side, starting back to his work. "You're worse than I was when I was high all the time."

"Just work on the car, Kid." He ordered, trying to ignore the anxiety coursing through his veins.


	196. Chapter 196

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Six**

John pulled Claire onto his lap as they settled in for a movie, wrapping his hands around her hips and letting her lean back against his chest. "What're we watching tonight?" He asked, kissing Claire's neck as she adjusted against him.

Andy tossed a movie case at him. "Indiana Jones." He smiled as John caught the case, looping his arm around Allison as she yawned like a sleepy kitten and curled into his side.

"Sweet!" John cheered, lifting his arm up as Amelia and Pop Tart cuddled up to him. "Hey, fat cat." He smiled, scratching the kitten's head as she purred.

"Shut up! It's starting!" Jim laid on his stomach as he watched the intro to the film, jumping slightly when Kathrine stepped over him. "Mom, don't scare me like that."

She rolled her eyes, taking another bite of her chocolate chip cookie. "Watch your movie."

Kaylie pushed her new glasses up on her nose, pushing on Brian's thigh with her toes to get his attention. She grinned as he lifted his arm to let her snuggle with him, diving under the blanket he had and wrapping her hands around his chest.

Just before the movie reached the climax, there was a pounding on the front door, sending John rushing for the front entryway of their home. "What the fuck?" He caught Chad as he started to fall, struggling to get the older man's beaten body into the sitting room. "Mom, get some water and rubbing alcohol." He grabbed a knife from the coffee table, cutting away the bloodstained fabric of Chad's shirt while Brian and Kaylie pulled Amelia and Jessop from the room. "Shit…" He pressed his hand to a gaping wound on Chad's stomach, meeting the man's painfilled eyes. "What happened?" He asked, trying to keep him talking.

Chad groaned in pain as John pressed harder, able to feel a woman's hands on his head. "Borrowed… cash… wrong people…"

"Fuck." John dropped his gaze back to the task at hand, motioning to the sewing room. "Get a needle and some fishing line."

"John we should take him to a hospital he needs-"

"Not enough time. He'll bleed out if we don't stitch this up."

"Maybe if we just wrap it really well, and wait for Ryan to get home-"

"Get me the shit I asked for!" He shouted, his hands becoming slick with blood. "Now!"

Claire bolted for the sewing room, knowing better than to push John any farther. She listened to Chad scream in pain, knowing that John had poured the rubbing alcohol over the worst of the wounds. She cursed as she pricked her finger on a needle, ignoring the little bit of blood and rushing back to the sitting room. "Here."

John nodded his thanks, threading the needle and biting the thread off. "Keep him awake." He pushed the needle into Chad's body, sewing the wound closed with skilled fingers.


	197. 197

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Seven**

John scrubbed his hands clean of Chad's blood, closing his eyes tight as the water ran red. He had to fight against the memory of washing his own blood from his hands.

Claire places her hand on John's back, able to see the fight inside of him. "Sugar…"

"Off." He croaked, leaning on the counter as he became lightheaded. "Don't touch me…"

"John!" Claire caught his body as he started to fall, hugging his chest to her body. She lowered him to the ground, fear knotting in her stomach with how limp he'd become. "Mom, Dad!" She called, brushing his hair out of his face. "John passed out!"

Clarissa sighed as she knelt beside the young man, taking a blanket from Thomas and wrapping it around John's body in an attempt to give him a safe place in the stressful evening. "Let him be, he'll wake up when he's ready."

Claire reared her head on John chest as they settled into a nest of blankets on his floor, listening to Chad's raspy breath as he slept in John's bed. She knew that even though John seemed to be sleeping, that he was fully awake, and aware of what was happening around him."John?" She nudged his chest, tracing her fingers over a thick scar in his skin.

"Sleep." He groaned, lacing his fingers with hers.

"You're scared." She whispered, curling a few of his scraggly chest hairs around her finger.

"Don't like blood." He kissed her head, looping his arm around her shoulders. "I don't like the memories."

She nodded and pressed her lips against his. "We can make new ones."


	198. Chapter 198

**hapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Eight**

Chad sipped on a glass of water, attempting to ignore the pain he was in as he waited for a doctor to come check on him. "I'm sorry Johnny." He sighed, knowing that John hated hospitals. "I should've just gone straight here. I shouldn't have made you sew me up."

John lifted his gaze from his notebook, noticing that the bandage on his side needed changed. "Don't worry about it." He placed his notebook on the bedside table, scrubbing his hands up in the sink before he set to work changing the bandage. "You didn't know that Ryan wasn't at home."

Chad nodded, remembering how John had woken him several times in the night from nightmares. "You did a damn good job." He smiled, lifting his arm as John pressed the new bandaging to his wound. "Where'd you learn to sew like that?"

John shrugged, taping the cotton down. "My old man used to beat the shit outta me as a kid. So, I kinda had to learn to stitch myself up just to stay alive."

"He sounds fucked up." Chad remembered the time he'd seen a few of the scars on the back of John's hips when he'd been working on an old car and his t-shirt had ridden up.

John settled back into his chair, touching a scar at the base of his neck. "He was worse than just fucked up."

* * *

Claire paused as she neared Chad's hospital room, her brow furrowing as she saw the young woman with two small children by her side. "Can I help you?" She asked, glaring at the woman.

"This is Chad Cook's room, right?" She asked, adjusting the smaller child on her hip. "I'm his ex-wife, Lyla…"

"Yes. This is his room. But, if you're his ex, then why are you here?" Claire crossed her arms over her chest, jumping when John's hands rested on her shoulders.

"We knew she was coming, Sweets. She's okay." He stepped aside from the door, gently taking the sleeping child from Lyla's arms as she went to see her ex. "Hey kiddo." He whispered, rubbing slow circles on her back. "I'm Johnny."

The little girl groaned, tucking her hands between her body and John's chest as she coughed. "I want Daddy…"

John pressed his hand to her head, able to feel that she had a slight fever. "Do you have a cold?" He asked, taking a seat in one of the chairs outside of Chad's room and placing a blanket over her back.

She nodded, shoving her brother as he tried to climb into John's lap as well. "No." She ordered, wanting this new teen all to herself as he tried to make her feel better.

"Meany." Pouted the boy, crossing his arms as Claire lifted him onto her hip.

Claire smiled, bouncing him on her hip as he glared at his sister. "What're your names?" She asked, her heart growing warm as she watched John comfort the sick child in his lap.

"I'm Jessy, and that's Willow." Jessy motioned to his sister, resting his head on Claire's shoulder. "She's two."

Claire nodded, rubbing his back. "And how old are you?" She watched as he held up three fingers, smiling as John started to nod off to sleep. "Three?"

"And a half."

"Pumpernickel!" John exclaimed as he jerked awake. "What happened?" He blinked, shaking himself from the dream.

"You fell asleep, Dumbo." Claire laughed, kissing his head. "You should go home. Get some sleep."

He shook his head, fighting off sleep. "No. I have to stay…"

Claire sighed, brushing her fingers through his hair as he leaned on her. "You need to take care of yourself. That's why you keep relapsing, you don't take care of yourself."

He adjusted Willow on his lap, letting her use his chest as a pillow. "I'm fine." He yawned, slowly standing and taking her hand in his. "Come on, let's take a walk."

"Where to?" Claire asked setting Jessy down and taking his hand as they started down the halls.

"I don't know. I just thought we could take a walk." He kissed her nose, imagining them walking through the hospital with their own children.


	199. Chapter 199

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Nine**

John smiled at the newborn babies in the nursery, squeezing Claire's hand as a little boy yawned in his cot. "One day, our baby will be in there… and I'll be passing out cigars in the waiting room."

Claire shook her head, adjusting Jessy on her hip as she leaned on John's arm. "Sugar, you wouldn't relapse that fast."

He chuckled, kissing the crown of her head as Willow snuggled closer to him. "It's an expression, Sweets."

She sighed, thinking about their night in the cave when everything had been so perfect. "I can't wait until we can get pregnant."

"I want more tests done on me first." He stated, turning her and starting a slow dance. "I don't want to get you sick."

She smiled, kissing his lips with a tender passion. "I don't mind."

* * *

Clarissa smiled as John entered her room, setting the book she'd been reading on her bedside table to give him a hug. "Hey there, Pumpkin." She whispered, able to see that he was exhausted and had something on his mind. "What's the matter?"

"Chad's a gambling addict." He stated, sitting on her bed and leaning back on his elbows to relax a little. "He's in deep."

Clarissa nodded, pulling him down to rest his head on her lap. "How deep?"

"Forty-thousand." He turned his face into her blanket, closing his eyes as she brushed her fingers through his hair. "He can't get out of this… not by himself…" He cracked his eyes open, shivering as a gust of cold air hit him. "I want to help…"

She smiled, placing an extra blanket over him and humming a lullaby. "We'll see what we can do." She kissed his head, listening to his snores as he slipped into sleep. "Your heart might be too big for your body." She whispered, knowing that John could sometimes be too generous for his own good. "It scares me more than you know…" She wiped a little tear from her cheek, knowing that no matter what she wanted, that John would make his own choices and live his own life. "I love you, Baby… and I just want you to be safe."


	200. Chapter 200

**Chapter Two-Hundred**

John stepped onto the stage, adrenaline pumped through his veins as he looked over the crowd of people in the stadium, causing his heart to beat at pace that resembled a high. "Hello LA!" He spoke into the mic, a huge grin spreading over his face as the crowd roared. "Are you ready to rock?" The crowd cheered, and John smirked at Claire behind the curtain. "How about something I wrote for my, Sweets, Claire Standish?" They erupted in screams and shouts as he started the song. "What day is it  
And in what month This clock never seemed so alive I can't keep up, and I can't back down I've been losing so much time 'Cause it's you and me And all of the people with nothing to do Nothing to lose And it's you and me And all the other people And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you Why are the things that I want to say Just aren't coming out right? I'm tripping on words You got my head spinning I don't know where to go from here 'Cause it's you and me And all of the people people with nothing to do Nothing to prove And it's you and me And all other people And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you Something about you now That I can't quite figure out Everything she does is beautiful Everything she does is right 'Cause it's you and me And all of the people with nothing to do Nothing to lose And it's you and me and all of the people And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you and me And all the other people with nothing to do Nothing to prove And it's you and me and all the other people And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you What day is it And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive…" He was hardly able to make the last word into notes, instead focusing on Claire as she swayed to the music, watching as her lace skirt fanned out around her legs while she spun.

Dominic chuckled, watching as John attempted to make his leather pants comfortable as he moved around on the stage before him. He smiled as John took his guitar off of his shoulders, and tossed it back to Thomas back stage.

John pulled the mic from its stand, his voice booming over the speakers as he sang the words he'd written for Sid after his death. "My best friend gave me the best advice He said each day's a gift and not a given right Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind And try to take the path less traveled by That first step you take is the longest stride If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? If today was your last day Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the prize is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you'll never live it twice Don't take the free ride in your own life If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above That you finally fall in love If today was your last day If today was your last day Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart? You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars Regardless of who you are So do whatever it takes Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life Let nothin' stand in your way Cause the hands of time are never on your side If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? reminisce old memories Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above That you finally fall in love If today was your last day." His last note was cut short as a voice echoed in his mind.

"Good job, Bender… you're gonna go far." Sid's voice, rough and grating, held a smile, and was so clear he could have been right beside John's ear.

* * *

Claire kissed John's lips as he came off stage for the intermission, slipping her hands into his back pockets of the leather pants. "I love these pants." She whispered, ignoring the sweat that was soaking his clothes. "They're sexy."

He chuckled, jumping slightly as she dug her nails into his ass. "Watch it, Sweets. These damn things are rubbing in all the wrong places." He adjusted the waistband of his pants, wincing as they pinched his balls. "I'm tossing these for a leather jacket." He unbuttoned the band of his pants, tossing them onto a chair and pulling on some jeans before he grabbed a jacket.

"John…" Claire stopped him as he started pulling on the jeans, touching his thighs as she noticed the raw skin and blistering rash on his legs. "Why didn't you change sooner?"

He shrugged, wincing as she touched a spot on his outer thigh. "Got carried away."

"Johnathan… why don't you take care of yourself?" She slipped her hands under his t-shirt, her fingers pressing into the ridges between his abdominal muscles.

"I try to, but I just get carried away." He kissed her nose, buttoning his jeans as he swooped her into a dip.


	201. Chapter 201

**Chapter Two-Hundred and One**

John pulled his pants off as he rested on his bed, heaving a loud sigh as he scratched at the blistering rash on his thighs. "Fuck…"

Clarissa knocked on his door, gently pushing it open to see him laying on his bed with raw skin on his legs. "Oh, Pumpkin…" She sat on his bed, combing back his hair as he tried to stop the itching. "Don't scratch it." She took his hands in hers, able to see the exhaustion in his muscles from the night. "I'll get you some lotion for it." She smoothed his hair back pressing a motherly kiss to his head as he closed his eyes. "I'll be right back."

She opened the medicine cabinet in the adults' bathroom, taking out a tube of rash ointment from a small tote. "Alright, let's fix you up." She shut John's door, knowing that Amelia and Claire were only two doors down the hall. "John-" She smiled when her eyes landed on John, able to see that he was out cold. His hands were balled up in one of Claire's old hoodies, holding it close to his nose as he quietly snored. "Oh, Baby…" She sighed, squeezing some of the cream onto her fingers before she gently rubbed it onto his raw skin. "I'm glad you had fun." She kissed his head, picking up a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants to keep the cream from messing up his bedding. "Sleep well."

John's fingers brushed against her wrist, his eyes opening just enough to let her see the brown of his irises. "Stay…"

She smiled, taking his hand in hers as she laid on his bed beside him. "Just until you fall asleep." She whispered, pulling his blankets farther up on his shoulders.

* * *

Medusa glared as she watched John and Claire in the halls, rolling her eyes as John was surrounded by young girls begging him to sign stuff. "Fucking prick." She growled, looking at the poems that she'd ripped out of John's journal. "He was supposed to be mine."

Kaylie pushed her against the lockers, her eyes like green fire. "He was never supposed to be yours. If you wanted to get his attention, you shouldn't have been a slut. He doesn't like girls who show off their boobs all the time. He jokes about it, but the truth is, it brings up bad memories and he hates it."

"You're a bitch." Medusa spat, shoving Kaylie off of her.

Kaylie pushed her hair out of her eyes, opening her locker. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just that we've all seen a lot of fucked up shit." She opened her arms, offering the snake a hug. "Friends?" She wrapped her arms around Medusa, shoving her into the locker and slamming the door closed. "Don't fuck with burners." She barked, pouring some water into the vents on top of Medusa's perm.

* * *

Toby laughed as Chance sat beside John's shower stall, whistling for the pooch to come to him since everyone on the boxing team knew to not surprise John while he was in the shower. He pulled on his boxers, followed by his jeans and belt. "How's the pupper today?"

"GET OUT!" John screamed, sending both Toby and Chance rushing to his aid. "FUCK OFF!"

Toby grabbed a couple of the girls by the shoulders, recognizing the shock and fear in them at the sight of John's scars. "Leave him alone." He pushed them from the locker room, making sure that they left John alone. "He's got a girlfriend."

He turned back to John's shower, able to see that he was leaning heavily on the walls. "You good?" He asked, handing him a towel to protect his dignity that had been robbed from him. "You're looking a little pale there."

John swallowed, pressing a hand to his head as he sank to the floor. "No…"

Toby nodded, kneeling beside his friend as he fought the memory. "What happened, Man?" He asked, scratching Chance's ears as she tried to bring her master out of it.

John began to shake, slowly lifting his eyes to look at his friend. "I was… r-raped… by men…" He fought the pain as it started to burn inside of him.

Braxton stepped up to his teammates, leaning down to help support his friend. "We're here for you. If you need to talk, here's my number." He patted John's shoulder, a small smile on his lips. "My uncle use to do that shit to me before he died. I know what it's like."

John nodded, leaning back against the wall as his body tried to slip into the flashback. "Thanks…" He smiled, letting himself relax slightly.


	202. Chapter 202

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Two**

"Have you seen John Bender's scars?" One of the popular girls whispered in her friend's ear, her eyes flitting over the lunch room as the group known as the Breakfast Club walked in with John at the front of the pack. "They're awful. I think his foster parents are hurting them."

John settled into his seat, taking his sandwich from his lunch bag as he listened to the hushed whispers going through the cafeteria. "Fucking scars…" He mumbled, jumping when Claire slipped her hand under his t-shirt to touch the longest scar running down his spine.

"I like them." She smiled, kissing the one around his neck with tender lips. "They tell your story." She brushed his hair back behind his neck, leaning her head on his shoulder. "And a lot of ours."

He breathed a laugh, kissing her head. "You just think that scars are sexy."

"They are." She smirked, pushing on a pressure point just above his waist.

He jumped slightly, coughing as he inhaled a crumb from his sandwich. "God… damn… it." He hacked, letting Brian hit him on the back. "Don't push on that one, Sweets." He gulped down air like a fish out of water, slowly blinking until he was able to continue speaking. "That one hurts."

She nodded, scratching his back with her nails. "Sorry Babe."

* * *

Clarissa wrapped John in a tight hug, noticing something odd in his pocket. "John? That better not be a box of pills." She slipped her hand into his pocket, pulling out the velvet-covered ring box. "Is this…?"

He nodded, taking her hand as he pushed Thomas's home office door open. "It's Claire's engagement ring." He smiled, sitting her down across from Thomas and taking the ring from her. "Clarissa Maya, and Thomas Lewis Standish, I would like to formally ask… for your daughter Clarity Penelope Standish's hand in marriage." He showed them the ring, his heart racing as they examined it. "I know… that you wanted us to wait until we were both eighteen, but… I want to make it clear that she's going to be my wife."

Clarissa beamed, handing the ring to Thomas as he was shocked into silence. "Look, it's the diamond from the earring." She stood to hug John, kissing his cheek as she held his hands in hers. "Johnny, this is so sweet."

Thomas laughed, patting John on the back as he shook his hand. "When are you planning to ask her?"

"At the Thanksgiving concert." He smiled, taking the ring back and placing it in his pocket. "I've just gotta talk to our agent about what I want to do first."

"That sounds wonderful." Clarissa kissed Thomas's lips, gasping as she realized that they'd have to start making plans for the wedding soon. "I've got to call Caleb and Aurora! It'll take them a while to get over here from France." She rushed from the room, leaving the boys together.

"You had to tell her about this didn't you?" Thomas laughed, shaking his head at his wife's excitement.

"Wouldn't be right if I didn't." John lifted Amelia onto his hip as she rubbed her eyes. "You ready for our after-school nap?"

"Uh huh…" She mumbled, closing her eyes as she snuggled into his chest.


	203. Chapter 203

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Three**

John moaned in his sleep, hugging Amelia closer as he dreamed of the day he and Claire's child would be with him.

Claire shook her head at him, gently touching his cheek with the back of her knuckles. "I love you, Sugar." She whispered, kissing his temple.

* * *

"So, Cody, what would you like for your birthday?" Jan asked, cutting a piece off of her steak.

Cody shrugged, stuffing some mashed potatoes into his mouth. "I'm just happy to have a good home."

Claire leaned against John's shoulder, steeling a forkful of vegies from his plate. "Okay, what kind of cake do you want?" She smiled as John kissed her, a low hum rumbling in her chest as he kissed down her jaw to just behind her ear.

"How about you two just get a room already?" Cody smirked, watching as John's skilled lips caressed Claire's jawline.

John lifted his middle finger, turning his head as Claire moved to kiss his neck. "Fuck you Cody."

* * *

Clarissa opened the door, pausing for a moment as two men from the Child Protective Services smiled at her. "Can I help you?" She asked, noticing the clipboards in their hands.

"Are Mrs. Clarissa Standish?" One of them asked.

"Yes…"

"We're here to talk to you about your foster charge, Johnathan Bender." He tried to push into the house, not letting Clarissa stop him. "We've been informed by a few families at Huntington High, that John may be being hurt in this home."

"They're fucking wrong!" John growled, wrapping his hands in the towel around his neck as water dripped from his hair onto his shoulders. "I've never been hurt in this house."

"John, go upstairs." Clarissa hissed, trying to defuse the timebomb that was John when someone accused them about hurting him.

"No." He growled, pushing her behind him as he shielded her from what he saw as a threat. "Get out of my house." He ordered, his eyes going so black that they almost looked like blackholes.

Clarissa's hand closed around his wrist, using just enough force to ground him. "Johnathan." She shook her head meeting his dark eyes with her own stubbornness. "Stop it."

John tensed as if he was preparing for a fight, before his muscles loosened and he gave in. "I'm gonna go play poker with the guys." He shot one last glare over his shoulder at the guys from the state, before he picked up Amelia and settled her on his hips. "Come on Squirt, let's get away from these pricks."


	204. Chapter 204

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Four**

Tyler threw his cards on the table, crossing his arms over his chest. "I fold." He stated, watching as John pushed his entire pile of match sticks into the center of the table. "I hate that damn photographic memory of yours."

John chuckled, taking Johanna from Julia as she handed the baby to him. "Watch it." He warned, glaring at the state workers as they passed through the room. "My goddaughter's first word will not be a curse." He bounced Johanna in his arm as she began to fuss, knowing that she probably needed burped. He kissed her head, setting his cards face down on the table as she spit up on her bib. He wiped her chin with the sleeve of his flannel, smiling as she opened her blue eyes to look up at him. "There you go Cupcake. Is that better?" He smiled as she reached for his face, letting her touch his chin. "Are those fingers for me?" He asked, gently biting her fingers with his lips pulled over his teeth. "Nom, nom, nom." He grinned as she pulled her hand back, rubbing his nose against hers in a little eskimo kiss. "Are you being greedy?"

"Johnathan." One of the men motioned for him to stand, waiting for him to give the child over to one of his friends. "Take your shirt off for me, please."

John's eyes changed, the dark brown becoming shot through with yellow. "Fuck no." He stated, gripping the fabric of his shirt with white knuckles.

"John-"

"No! It's my body and I get to decide who gets to see it and who doesn't!" He shouted, his hands starting to shake with the memory. "I'm not letting someone take that from me again!"

Clarissa touched John's shoulders, knowing that if he wanted this to go away he had to show them that the scars were old. "Pumpkin… please." She took his cheek in her hand, brushing his hair behind his ear as she met those eyes that were shot through with yellow fear. "You're safe."

John gave a small nod, and if she hadn't been in contact with his head, she never would have seen it. He reached to his shirt collar, pulling at the buttons until the fabric fell from his shoulders and he stood before them, bare from the hips up. "They're all o-old…" He mumbled, letting the men walk around him and even touch a few of the smallest scars above his waist.

The men nodded, pausing as they saw the upside-down cross carved into John's lower back. "This one is new." One stated, running his finger over the raised scar tissue. "How did it happen?"

John squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block the memory out. "Gang. They… raped me…" He jumped as Claire's gentle hands touched either side of his face, forcing himself to be grounded by her.

The men nodded, backing away as John pressed himself against Claire in a strong kiss. They turned to the adults, smiling in approval at how well they'd passed inspection. "Our only concern is the children playing poker."

Cody barked a laugh, picking up a cookie and dipping it into a glass of milk. "This is just to decide who gets the remote tonight!" He flinched as Johanna cried, taking her from Jim and handing her off to John. "Here, you know how to calm her down."

John chuckled, rocking the baby as he sang a soft tune for her.


	205. Chapter 205

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Five**

John smirked, kissing Claire's lips as she slipped her hands into his back pockets. He combed his fingers into her hair, pushing her into the lockers at her back. "Sweets…" He moaned into her mouth, pushing his tongue deeper into her.

"John!" Medusa gasped, marching up to him and shoving Claire away from him. "I thought we were engaged!" She held up her hand flicking her finger so that the diamond sparkled like a lighthouse. "How could you!"

John glared at her, eyes as black as night. "Fuck off Medusa." He growled, noticing that she was wearing a silky wedding gown. "I didn't propose to anyone."

"John, don't you remember our date last night?" She asked, looping her arm around his neck and grinding her body against him. "How we… had a few glasses of wine, the way we cuddled under my blankets, naked. The way you drilled into me, your body strong and forceful as we made love… the way you made me scream your name."

"Fuck off Medusa-" He yelped as she pulled his head down, trying to force her off of him as her lips locked on his.

"Let him go!" Claire screamed, pulling Jessica's hair until her head was yanked away from John. "He's mine bitch!" She pushed her into the lockers, her hands wadding up in the white silk as she ripped it away from Jessica's spray-tanned skin. "Stay away!"

John gagged for a moment, able to taste that Medusa had been drinking shitty piss beer. "Claire. Back down." He barked, pulling something from his pocket. "I was going to wait until the concert, but since Medusa had to fuck up my plans…" He knelt to the ground, holding out the ring he'd bought to her and taking one hand. "Clarity Penelope Faith Standish, will you do me the honor… of becoming my wife?"

Medusa screamed in frustration, moving to hit John over the head until Mrs. Hernandez grabbed her wrists. "You fucking jerkoff!" She cried, kicking out at John and making hard contact with his bad leg. "You were meant to be with me!"

"Miss Jenkins. That is enough." Mrs. Hernandez growled, dragging her away from the teens.

John smiled, taking Claire's hand and slipping the ring onto her finger as tears glimmered in her eyes. He stood, gently kissing her neck and letting his hands slide down to her thighs before he pulled her onto his hips. "My Sweets." He whispered, being careful to not kiss her on the lips with Medusa's taste still in his mouth.

* * *

Chad groaned as he leaned on his table, setting a cup of coffee in front of John before he settled into his seat. "What's happening, Kiddo?" He asked, wrapping his hand around his side as his healing wounds started to give him hell.

"I'm going to help you with your debt." He stated, pushing a paper toward the older man with a pen. "It's not a gift though. It's a loan. A monthly payment of two-hundred dollars is part of the deal."

Chad read over the contract, looking up at John and Thomas as they patently waited. "You're sure about this?" He asked, smiling when John nodded. "You're a fucking saint, Kid." He picked up the pen, signing his name as John placed an envelope of money on the table.


	206. Chapter 206

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Six**

John leaned heavily on the doorframe of his bedroom, taking the weight off of his leg for a moment before he had to force himself to face the pain and pretend that he was okay to perform at the concert that night. Nearly two days had passed since he'd proposed to Claire, and his leg was still giving him hell. He jumped as Brian opened his bedroom door, placing weight back onto his leg as if it were normal. "Hey Big Bri." He smiled, forcing his limp back as he walked over to his friend. "Can you do me a favor?"

Brian nodded, noticing something off with John. "Yeah, what you need?" He watched as John shifted his weight, wondering if the weather changes were messing with the old break in his femur bone.

"Can you run the lights tonight? Max -our usual light guy- has a cold and can't make it." He began walking again, hoping to draw Brian's attention away from his leg. "Duke just called and told me."

"Sure thing." Brian nodded, excited to actually have a useful job other than fixing up back stage.

"Thanks." John grinned, stepping down the stairs and gritting his teeth to keep from wincing.

* * *

"The world is a studio and the stage is a canvas where our message is delivered through music however... We ain't in it for the money We ain't in it for the fame We ain't even in it for the perks We're in it for the journey Hopes and dreams come true. Rags can turn to riches and broken hearts and bodies can be healed with loving hands, however... We ain't in it for the money We ain't in it for the fame We ain't even in it for the perks We're in it for the journey Fate dealt us this hand and now we walk this path with a medium and message. We each have a destiny, however... We ain't in it for the money We ain't in it for the fame We ain't even in it for the perks We're in it for the journey Before we breathe our last, we'll discuss our triumphs and regrets, leaving nothing undone. A worthy legacy. However… We ain't in it for the money We ain't in it for the fame We ain't even in it for the perks We're in it for the journey!" John sang into the mic, grinning as the crowd cheered. "Thank you, LA!" He met Claire's eyes as she watched him, smirking as he held his hand out to her. "I've got some news to share with you tonight… I'd like to introduce my fiancée, Claire." He took her hand, pulling her onto the stage. "I can't imagine a better woman to spend the rest of my life with. A better woman to mother my children. Or a better person to be my best friend… and my other half." He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

The crowd roared, only stopping when a boom rattled the room. They screamed, covering their heads as the lights above them shook.

"Brian!" John shouted, pushing Claire behind the stage as flames ignited above them. "Get out of here." He kissed her cheek, shoving her toward Clarissa as the roof began to crumble. He grabbed onto one of the prop ropes, and cutting the weight that held it down with his knife. "Go!"

Brian clung to one of the support beams, blinking the smoke from his eyes as everything crumbled around him. He listed to the steal groan around him, wiping a tear from his cheek until he heard something odd in the smoke. "John?"

"Brian!" John's voice was a harsh rasp, his lungs aching as he fought the smoke inside of them. "Come on!" He coughed wiping some sweat from his face and smearing soot over his skin. "Move!" He grabbed Brian's shirt, throwing him forward as a beam fell. "Ah!" He screamed in pain as his leg twisted wrong, able to feel something inside shift.

"John!" Brian looped his arm over his shoulders, taking his weight as he hacked and coughed. "Come on, man. Don't pass out on me." He pulled John along, smiling when he caught sight of the exit. "Look! We're almost out."

John yelped as his bum leg caught on something, screaming as whatever it was began to burn through his pants. "Mama!" He sobbed, relying on Brian to carry him. "Mom…" He groaned, squinting at the flashing lights of ambulances and cop cars.

"I'm here, Pumpkin." Clarissa took his hand in hers running beside him as he was loaded onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. "Mamma's here…"


	207. Chapter 207

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seven**

Claire watched as John's breath fogged in the oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, looking down at the bandaging that was wrapped tight around his leg. "Please wake up…" She kissed his head, her eyes widening as a quiet cough rattled in his chest. "John?"

His eyes cracked open, a raspy breath escaping his throat as he smiled at her. "Sweets…"

"John!" She cried, wrapping him in a bone crushing hug.

"Ow…" He groaned, yelping as her knee brushed against one of his burns.

"Sorry…" She sat back, touching the bandaging that covered his wounds. "I'm so glad you're awake."

* * *

John winced as he laid back on his bed, groaning as his wounds burned under their wrappings. He cautiously rolled onto his side, dreading the moment that he would be forced into an ice bath to stop the burning under his skin.

"John?" Thomas knocked on his door, gently opening it only to see the raw flesh that covered his body. "You alright in here, Champ?" He stepped inside, fighting back nausea as he looked at the burns and the oozing fluids that were struggling to heal the open wounds.

John shook his head, looking down at the burns and the cast on his leg. "Hurts…" He whimpered, forcing tears back as Thomas tried to touch him. "Don't."

Thomas nodded, placing an old dusty cassette on his bed beside him. "Asher found this in his storage… figured you might want to hear it… it's Jacob's garage band from when he was your age."

John pushed it away, letting Thomas gently redo his bandages. "I don't want it." He slowly adjusted his body as Thomas rubbed ointment over his burns, letting the man take care of him. "Will they scar?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Son… I wish I could tell you they won't… but I can't. They're going to scar over, but it's how you wear them that matters." He pulled back as John hissed at a tender spot, letting the boy catch his breath as he fought the pain. "Why don't you get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

John nodded, catching Thomas's wrist before he left. "Can… can I sleep with you and Mom tonight?"

Thomas smiled, nodding as he looked down at his future son-in-law. "Of course you can."


	208. Chapter 208

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eight**

Clarissa helped John into the ice water in the clawfoot tub they had making sure he didn't shock himself as it hit his burns. "How's it feel?" She asked, checking the plastic around his cast to make sure it didn't get wet.

"Cold." John grunted, lowering himself into the tub with a hiss as the water washed over his raw burns. "Fuck…"

She nodded, pumping some hand sanitizer onto her palm to make sure she didn't risk giving him an infection as she scrubbed the scabs away from his body. "I know, Pumpkin." She sighed, picking up a washcloth and pouring some antibacterial soap onto it. "I hate doing this…" She pushed her tears back as John groaned in pain. "I'm sorry…"

He nodded, squeezing his eyes shut to force his tears back, only to cry out when she scrubbed a scab off and made him start to bleed. "Stop!"

Clarissa paused, leaning her forearms on the side of the tub to let him recover. "Baby…" She sighed, able to see the water start to turn pink with his blood.

He gripped her wrist in his hand, craving her comforting touch in the waves of pain that were drowning him. "Please…" He whimpered, his dark eyes meeting hers. "I want Ryan to drug me up."

She shook her head, her heart breaking with just the idea of John being forced into a medical coma until he healed. "No…" She whispered, touching his cheek as tears slid down his cheeks. "Pumpkin… I can't let that happen…"

"It hurts… please… knock me out… make it stop." He begged, gripping at her t-shirt in desperation. "I'm begging you… make it stop."

Clarissa kissed his head, knowing that the pain felt as if it would kill him. "No."

"Please!" He sobbed, the tears stinging his raw flesh.

"Johnathan." Clarissa barked, shocking him into silence and forcing him to pay attention to her words. "Listen. To. Me. I am _not_ letting Ryan put you in a coma. You are going to recover fully awake." She met his eyes, lifting his chin as he tried to shrink away. "I know it hurts. But I promise you, it will stop hurting and it will heal." She pushed his soaking hair behind his ears, smiling at him. "I promise, it will get better." She brushed a tear from his cheek, waiting for just a moment before she began the process of scrubbing his burns clean.

* * *

Chance laid her head on John's lap, her ears twitching with each sound as he slept. She raised her head, baring her teeth as someone pushed his bedroom door open.

"Shh… it's just me Chancie." Dominic whispered, placing some tea on John's bedside table as he leaned over his cousin to check that he was completely asleep. "How's he doing?" He asked, reaching his hand out to brush John's hair back from his face. He jumped back as Chance's jaw closed around his hand. "Chance!" He pried her jaws off of his hand, cradling it to his body as it bled. "What the fuck?"

John rolled over, his eyes going wide as he saw the blood. "Dom!" He stumbled from his bed, tripping as his cast kept his leg from bending. He fell into his cousin, pushing Chance away as she came to his rescue. "What happened?" He took Dom's hand in his, looking down at the blood that leaked from the bite wounds.

"Chancie's a little overprotective right now." He wrapped his hand in a bandanna, trying to help John to his feet without risking an infection in the burns. "It's not a big deal. She's just doing her job."

John winced as Dominic's grip pulled at stitches and scabs, choking on a cry. "She's never bitten anyone before…"

Dominic nodded, tucking the covers around his cousin. "You've never been hurt this bad before." He sat on John's bed, pulling his cousin closer. "She's scared."

John gripped at Dominic's jacket, dreading the moment that he would have to start going home to Jade. "Me too…" He whispered, letting Dominic rock him back and forth as he started to sing.


	209. Chapter 209

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Nine**

Jade smiled as John slowly made his way into the kitchen, able to see that Chance was right by his side as he pushed his weight from spot to spot on the walls. "Hey…" She started to wave, stopping when he glared at her with eyes of onyx stone. "How do you feel?" She asked, reaching to help him as he forced himself to put weight on his leg.

"Like I got hit by a fucking bus." He snapped, his attitude so close to the edge that he was almost over the cliff of his temper limits. "Or I had diesel poured on me and someone lit me on fire."

She nodded, shrinking in on herself at the fire in his eyes. "Are… they, um, getting any better?"

He picked up the milk jug, tipping it to his lips without even grabbing a glass to pour it into. "No." He growled, knowing damn well that the worst of the burns was close to an infection. "If anything, they're worse." He looked out the sliding-glass door, his body aching to be outside after nearly a week cooped up inside.

She dropped her gaze, able to see where his bandages had become soaked through with the fluids that were fighting to heal him. "Do you need help-"

"I don't want any fucking help." He lashed out at her, frustrated that he could barely take a piss on his own and had to rely on the adults or his cousin to bathe him. "I want to do things on my own again. I want to take a bath by myself. I want to take a piss without someone being there to make sure I'm okay." He swallowed, forcing his emotions back. "I want to be the man that Claire deserves."

She reached toward him, gently touching his wrist only to pull away when one of the bandages made her hand wet with the seeping fluids that were fighting the pending infection that was wanting to take over. "You are." She stated, gently cupping his cheek in her palm and lifting his head to look into those eyes of his. "You don't see it, but you are enough for her." She smiled as his eyes lightened, knowing that she'd found that nerve that both John and Dominic had, though John's was hidden deeper inside of him. "She loves you. That's all a girl wants. Is someone to love and hold."

He gave a little smile, moving to the window to look out at the world that was off limits to him until he was better. "I want to go outside…"

She picked up some extra bandaging from the counter, gently undoing his old bandages to change them. "Not yet…" She winced as the biggest bandage on his back took the scab with it when she peeled it off. "Just a little longer."


	210. Chapter 210

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ten**

Thomas smiled as Brian helped John to hold Johanna, watching as Brian took most of the baby's weight for him to help with the pain of his wounds. His head shot up as the doorbell rang, slowly making his way to the door only to be greeted by none other than Leon and his niece. "What do you want?" He asked, jumping back as Leon shoved a warrant in his face.

"I need to investigate your home. The fire was arson, and Johnathan is a main suspect." Leon pushed himself inside, letting Jessica wander the house until she found something of interest. "I need to speak with Johnathan." He stated, jumping when John's voice floated down the hall.

"I'm right here." He limped his way toward Leon, the cast making a slight thumping noise as he pushed himself from spot to spot on the wall.

Leon looked over the teen, able to see that he'd been badly burned, and that his cast was holding something in his right femur together. "What can you tell me about the fire?" He asked, knowing that the first flames had been directly over John's head while he played.

"Not much." John shrugged, letting Thomas provide him with a chair to sit in to take pressure off of his leg. "All I heard was a boom, and then everything was on fire. I figured it was crossed wires or something…"

"How did your injuries occur?" Leon pushed, taking a seat in front of John and taking in the state he was in. He could see where a skin graph had been taken from his inner thigh, able to tell that it had been a large burn that had required the procedure.

John shook his head, aching to scratch at the bandages that needed changed, and wishing that his basketball shorts would cover more of his legs so that Leon wouldn't see the graph. "I can't remember a lot of them… I passed out from the smoke as soon as Brian and I got out… I remember falling when a beam almost crushed us, my leg caught on something a few minutes before we got out… I don't remember the others."

"What burn required the skin graph?" He pointed to John's thigh, knowing that the patch had to be sensitive.

John bowed his head, knowing that he would have to show him if he wanted this snake out of his home. "It's the one on my back… it was a third-degree burn… and it wasn't healing right so Ryan had me knocked out yesterday for the graph." He looked at his hands, the bandages having become so soiled that he couldn't wait any longer to change them. "Excuse me, I have to change these." He pushed himself from his chair, letting Thomas steady him as he started the climb to his room upstairs.

He paused at the top of the steps, letting Thomas return to Leon to work things out. "I've got it."

Thomas nodded, knowing that John was independent and needed to push himself if he was going to recover properly. "Call if you need anything."

John brushed him off, limping to his bedroom and pushing the door open. "That fuck?" He lifted a hand to his eyes, the image of Jessica lounging across his bed, butt ass naked burned into his brain. "Get out you Snake." He ordered, walking inside only a few steps to make way for her to leave.

"But, Sweet Cheeks-"

"Don't call me that!" He growled, picking up a spare blanket and tossing it to her. "And get out of my room!"

She ignored the blanket, standing from his bed and slinking toward him. "Okay, what would you like to be called?" She asked, touching his cheek and moving his hand from his face.

"Get out." He gritted his teeth as her hands rubbed against the burns that were only starting to heal.

"Johnny… what about our engagement?" She purred, slipping her hands around his waist only to jump away when he cried out in pain.

"Mom!" He screamed, the pain in his back like a whole new flame in his body. "Hurts!"

Clarissa rushed to his bedroom, catching him as he teetered and started to lose balance. "Jessica. Leave." She ordered, pulling John to her as he started to cry from the pain. She helped John from the room, knowing that he wouldn't want to be there with Jessica having ruined his safe place. Instead she took him to her bedroom, laying him on the bed and started to strip his clothes from him so that she could have a clear view to change his bandages. "Baby?" She traced a line of freckles on his side, skipping over the spots where his last name was branded into his skin. "You still awake?"

He didn't respond, his body having gone completely limp as his mind tried to give him refuge from the pain.

She sighed, washing her hands as best she could before she began changing the protective wrappings. "She is such a bitch." She growled, draping a blanket over his hips to save him some dignity as she fixed him up.


	211. Chapter 211

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eleven**

Claire rested next to John on her parents' bed, combing her fingers through his singed hair. She could see that his body had forced him into a small coma for the time being, just to avoid the pain he was in for a short time. She kissed his head, smiling as his fingers flexed around her hand. "I love you, Sugar." She whispered, keeping an eye on the open wounds that her mother had left uncovered so that they could air out and prevent any fungal infections from the moisture.

"You don't love him." Jessica scoffed, stepping toward them until she caught sight of the seeping wounds on John's body. "What the-" She gagged, the sight of the raw burned flesh making her nauseous as blood and clear fluid seeped from the injuries.

Claire smirked, picking up a tissue and wiping a puddle of seepage up as it started to drip down his chest. "Suck it up buttercup." She stated, squeezing some hand sanitizer onto her palm before she started to clean the burns as best she could without getting him into the tub and scrubbing the scabs off. "He's hurting right now, and it's _my_ job to take care of my fiancé." She pressed an antibacterial wipe to his side, forcing herself to now wince as he groaned in his sleep.

Jessica pressed a hand over her mouth as Claire brought the wipe away from his body, the sight of blood making her sick. "Gross…" She rushed to the bathroom, shoving the door open and pushing Jim away as she emptied her stomach into the toilet. "Ugh…" She moaned, happy that she hadn't eaten much before she'd come here.

Jim glared at her, zipping his fly closed and gripping her arms in his hands as he escorted her out of the house. "Go home Alien." He gripped her uncle's uniform in his fist marching them both from his home and shoving them outside. "If you ever come here again. We'll can you." He slammed the door in their faces, picking up Amelia as she reached her arms up to him. "Come on kid, let's bring Chancie inside."

* * *

Vernon gently lifted John's body into the tub, easing him into the water as Ryan poured some rubbing alcohol into it to fight the infection that had started to take over. "There you go, Kid." He whispered, picking up a washcloth to scrub the scabs off of his body. "I'm glad you're asleep for this one." He knew that this would be the worst of the treatments, the infection having made his body even more prone to pain as his immune system warred with the invasion.

"It's not good that he's still asleep." Ryan stated, taking John's head in his hands to keep his nose and mouth from slipping below the surface of the water. "He should have woken up a few hours ago." He helped Vernon scrub John down, showing him the spots to avoid and the ones that needed extra attention. "This infection could keep him under until he needs to be in a hospital… and if that happens, they'll drug him up."

Vernon nodded, working on a burn just above John's hips. "He'd have to start over."

"Exactly." Ryan worked some shampoo into John's hair, gently washing oil and dirt from his brown locks. "Morphine's the only thing that would stop this pain, and that would only put him in rehab again." He rinsed the soap from John's hair, slowly easing him from the tub as Thomas prepared a towel to dry him off with. He instructed Thomas on the pressure he was applying to the burns. "Careful, don't rip the skin." He wrapped John's hips in a towel and rested his body on Thomas and Clarissa's bed, picking up a tube of burn ointment and gently rubbing it into the burned flesh.

"How long do you think he'll be like this?" Thomas asked, adjusting the towel so that Ryan could treat his wounds without being humiliated. He tucked the towel between John's legs, covering his manhood and hiding his total nakedness from view.

Ryan shook his head, fanning his hand over the top of John's wounds to help them feel as if they were cooling off. "Hard to tell." He sighed, letting Vernon start to dress the boy. "Could be a week, could be a month. But the mental trauma's going to affect him worse than the burns."

Chris stumbled to catch Amelia as she shoved Thomas and Clarissa's door open, cursing as the child launched onto the bed next to John. "Damnit."

"John?" She asked, touching his head only to pull away when she felt his temperature. "Why is he warm?" She looked at the men around her, fear gripping her chest as they passed a look between them that she'd learned meant something wasn't right. "Is he dying?"

Paul shook his head, sitting on the bed and pulling his youngest close to him. "He isn't dying, Baby. He's got an infection… germs got inside of his owies and made him a little sick." He kissed her head, smiling as John shifted slightly in his slumber. "He's warm to touch because his body is trying to get rid of the germs."

She nodded, climbing out of her father's grip to lay beside John. "I wanna stay until he gets better." She pressed a little kiss to his nose, rushing from the room and appearing a moment later with her favorite blanket and her teddy bear. "I wanna help take care of him."

Ryan smiled, picking up a pair of cast sheers to cut the cast away from John's leg so that they could clean some of the smallest burns on his leg. "Alright, let's get a new cast on his leg so that this old one doesn't get stinky."

She crawled down toward John's fractured leg, placing her hands on either side of his thigh as Ryan started to cut it away with a crunch. "Don't hurt him." She ordered, watching as Ryan broke the cast off and tossed it in the trash.

"We'll let these breathe for a few hours." He scooped some ointment onto his fingers, rubbing it into John's skin before he backed off to let his irritated skin rest and recover. "Let us know if he wakes up." He whispered, leading the other men from the room as Amelia watched over her knight.


	212. Chapter 212

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twelve**

Claire glanced up at the corner of her bedroom, noticing a small black microphone that was recording everything she was saying. She nodded to the mic, smiling at Kaylie. "Mom said that John's hospital room number is 578, if we wanna visit him tomorrow." She picked up a pen and paper, writing the words 'Microphone. Jessica's listening."

She nodded, pushing her glasses up on her nose and grabbing a few small belongings and tossing them at Allison to put in the bags they were taking to John. "I thought he was going in for surgery on his leg tomorrow." She smirked, knowing that they'd given the bug the wrong room.

"He is. They're gonna put some pins in the bone." Allison remembered listening to the adults talking in while they thought they were all asleep.

* * *

Claire pushed John's hair back, kissing his head as the heart monitor beeped in the background. She gently adjusted the oxygen hose in his nose, and wiping a small amount of snot from his upper lip.

Tyler played around with his video camera, popping a blank tape into it and powering it up. "Medusa's gonna be so freaked." He grinned, stepping out of the room as Asher shewed the teens and children out so that John could be shaved down for his surgery to repair his leg.

"Out." He laughed, closing the door so that only he, Clarissa, and Thomas were inside with John. "How much are we shaving?" He asked, picking up a razor and some shaving cream.

Clarissa pulled John's legs out from under his covers, adjusting his hospital gown so that his manhood was still hidden but they could get what they needed to done. "Ryan wants us to get both of his legs and anything below his hips… but I'm worried that he won't trust us if we shave his, um…" She pinked as she realized that she was practically talking about her son's genitalia.

Asher nodded, spreading some of the shaving cream over John's thighs and slowly moving down toward his ankles. "I can handle that part. He already doesn't trust me, and I'd hate for you two to lose that." He placed the razor against John's left leg, dragging it up to his hips as Thomas took the right. "Careful, that one's the busted one." He reminded, knowing that they all tended to get confused when he wasn't standing and favoring it.

Clarissa jumped as John's heartrate changed, relaxing again when she realized it was only from the feeling of the razors against his skin. "I love you, Pumpkin." She whispered, looking away as Asher prepared to shave John's privates.

* * *

Jessica screamed as she walked in on the elderly man, shielding her eyes as he turned to look at her. "Oh my God! I am so sorry!" She rushed from the room, nearly falling into Claire as she laughed. "You fucking bitch!"

Claire shook her head, pushing her away from the group and stopping her when they were right in front of Tyler's hidden camera. "Why are you so obsessed with John?" She asked, praying she could get the truth out of her. "He clearly doesn't like you. So, why are you so desperate to be with someone who doesn't love you?"

She growled at Claire, forcing her tears back. "It's none of your business, Claire!"

"Tell me. Why are you so fixated on him?" Claire snapped, able to see that she was close to breaking.

Jessica heaved a sigh. "You wouldn't understand." She stated, pushing past her on her way out. "Just know, that he will be mine one day."


	213. Chapter 213

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirteen**

Clarissa milled about John's recovery room, replacing the thin, scratchy hospital blankets with the soft plush ones from home. She hummed a lullaby as he slept, her head snapping up as she saw the label on one of his IV drips. "No…" She breathed, reading the most dreaded word she could think of on the IV bag 'Morphine.'

John's body twitched sending her heart into a panic, the images of his seizures surfacing from the pit she'd forced them into. "Momma…" He groaned, the pain having all but disappeared leaving only the slightest ache in his bones.

She grinned, able to see that he wasn't all there. Not from the morphine though, but from being knocked out for his surgery. "I'm here, Baby." She brushed his hair back, forcing herself to not laugh as he struggled to focus on her and seemed to be having trouble thinking straight. "Are you loopy?" She asked, reaching for a puke bag as she recognized that he was becoming nauseous.

He retched into the bag, gripping her hands with white knuckles. "Momma…" He coughed, flopping back against his pillows as she tried her best to sooth him. "Home…"

She nodded, kissing his forehead as his eyelids grew heavy. "We'll go home when you're a little more awake." She whispered, letting her eyes drift down to his leg. "Just a little longer."

* * *

Claire pulled John's crutches from the back of her car, helping him fit them under his arms and taking his school books from him. "Feeling better?" She asked, walking as slowly as she could beside him as he hobbled along.

"I'll feel better when this damn cast gets taken off." He muttered, lifting his head high as he limped into the school to hide the shame.

She nodded, touching a spot on his shirt that was hiding a burn. "Three more weeks. That's all."

He stopped in the hallway, giving his arms a rest for a moment before he continued on. "Sweets, three weeks seems like three years when you hurt like this."

She shook her head, opening his locker for him and opening it only for a note to fall out. "What the…" She picked the paper up, smiling as she read the writing of nearly every teen in the school. "Look!" She handed it to him, watching as his eyes scanned over the card.

 _Glad you're back J.B!_

 _Time for more music! Rock on man! -Travis, Lucky, Wally, Jane, Cora, Lillian, Jennifer, Haley, and Greg. AKA Music class._

 _DUDE! Get your ass to the gym! We need someone to beat the snot outta Mikey! -Toby, Braxton, Dalton, Xavier, Bucky, Rick, and Mike. P.s. Don't beat the snot outta me man. -Mikey._

 _Amigo, la clase de español no es lo mismo sin ti. -Toby (again), Hannah, Jorge, Estevan, Tanner, Emma, Giselle, Cynthia, Kate, Lola, and Kenny._

The note continued through all of the classes John was in, and even a few he wasn't. "Holy… fuck…" He breathed, looking up at the people around him as they all grinned at him. "You, you all… missed me?"

"Hell yeah, Johnny!" Toby grinned, moving to slap him on the back but stopping and slowing to a gentle pat. "How can we not miss a tough son of a bitch like you?" He ruffled John's hair, taking his books from Claire. "We're glad you're back, dummy."

Jessica ripped John's crutches out from under his arms, shoving him to the ground. "I hate you!" She screamed, looking at the drawings and names on his cast, noticing that Claire's name was particularly close to his crotch. "You told me you loved me when we were kids. Why did you choose her? We were meant to have babies together!"

John attempted to push himself up, relying on Braxton to lift him up slightly. "Jess. That was a fifth grade homework assignment. It was an _egg_. I only said that I loved you for our speech in the class room." He shoved away from Braxton, struggling to hobble over to her. "I didn't know what the fuck love was! I was abused! My old man beat the fucking shit outta me every day! The only 'love' I got to see, was my old man raping my mother until she passed out!" He grabbed his crutches back. "Now go home. Go back to Chicago. Find someone to settle down with there." He placed his crutches under his arms, pushing past her and limping his way to his Spanish Class. "Just… leave me alone."


	214. Chapter 214

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fourteen**

Mrs. Hernandez tried to help John into his desk, backing off when Chance gave a small growl to warn her off. "Glad to see you John." She smiled, placing a large pillow on the floor for Chance to lay on.

He nodded, awkwardly adjusting himself until he was somewhat comfortable. "Glad to be back."

She returned to the front of the class, knowing that they only had a half-hour before the next class. "Today, we're beginning Spanish two." She stated, writing on the board.

* * *

John limped into Shop Class, being careful about the steel on the floor so that he didn't trip over it. He let Tyler help him into his leathers and pull up a stool for him to sit on while he welded a new project together. "Thanks." He smiled, placing a few small pieces together until they made something he could work with.

"No problem." Tyler smiled, going back to his work table a few feet away.

John dropped his mask over his face, starting the process of welding Johanna's new mobile together. He yelped as someone grabbed his shoulder with a harsh hand. "What the fuck?" He growled, taking his helmet off and looking into the face of Timothy Bennett the same jerk who'd thrown John's bandanna into the forge.

"You think you're some kind of hero, don't you?" He snapped, pushing John off of his stool.

John glared at him, pulling himself up to stand with the help of the table and his chair. "Fuck off, Tim." He ordered, jumping when he pulled a blowtorch out and closed his finger over the button to light it.

"Hey!" Ross shouted, shoving Timothy back and taking the torch from him. "Leave him alone!" He lit the torch, holding it close to Timothy's arm. "How would you like it if you were burned-"

"No!" John barked, locking eyes with Ross. "No one should ever feel fire on their skin." He adjusted himself on his stool, going back to his project. "I'd rather die from the infection in my worst one, than let someone else feel it."

Tyler nodded, remembering that John still hadn't changed that bandage. "Come on, we need to clean that one up a little." He helped John out of the leathers, taking a bag of medical bandages from his backpack and starting to clean the wounds. "God…" He whispered, the sight of the yellowish discharge making him uneasy.

Chance growled as the other teens in the room closed in on John, nipping at Timothy's ankles and making him fall over. She sat on his chest, sweeping her tail over his face as she guarded her master from the threat.

* * *

Claire kissed John's jaw, looking down as his cast that was so scribbled on with names and drawings that she could barely see the white plaster. "Wow… someone's popular." She laughed, noticing that Chance was still on the defensive. "Chancie, settle down." She patted the pit bull's back, touching John's back as she stood.

John chuckled, jumping as Julia's voice spoke just down the hallway. "Julia?" He asked, limping his way toward her. "What're you doing here?" He asked, taking Johanna from her arms to hold her.

"We just wanted to make sure you're okay." She smiled, brushing Johanna's hair back and kissing her head.

"I'm fine." He bounced her in his arms, starting a small song in his throat.


	215. Chapter 215

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifteen**

Julia welcomed Claire into a hug, watching as John soothed her baby by bouncing her in his arms. "How're you two doing?" She asked, smiling as John sang to Johanna in his softest voice, the rasp from blowing his vocal-cords still obvious in his tones.

"We're managing." She yawned, jumping when Johanna started to fuss. "What's wrong?" She asked, knowing that Johanna hardly ever cried when John was singing.

John shrugged, turning as Chance started to growl. "Chance-" He was cut off as Timothy grabbed his shoulder, hugging Johanna close when he caught sight of the blade. "LOCK DOWN!" He shouted, not thinking Timothy would turn the knife on his dog. He passed the baby to Julia, pushing her and Claire into the classroom behind them and closing the door. "Stop!" He screamed, dropping to the ground and pressing his hand against the bleeding wound on Chance's shoulder. "You fucking prick!" He grabbed one of his crutches, swinging it in a wide arch and knocking Timothy to the ground his ankle bending at an odd angle with a crunch.

Timothy screamed in pain, clutching his leg as John struggled to stop the bleeding from Chance's shoulder. "Your dog attacked me!"

John unzipped his bag, pulling a sewing kid from a pocket and threading a needle with some fishing line. "I gave her a command! You're the one that was trying to kill me!" He pinned Chance's head under his casted leg, pushing the needle into her hide and sewing the wound shut.

"Fuck you, Bender!" He spat as Principal Anderson pulled him to his feet. "I'll fucking kill you!"

John shook his head, pulling Chance's head onto his lap after the last stitch was secured. "I'm sorry, Baby…"

She whimpered, licking his face as tears began to slide down his cheeks. She pushed her nose into his stomach, trying to tell him to stand up and that she was okay. After all, as a fighting dog, she'd felt worse.

* * *

Julia helped Claire fit a jacket under Chance's shoulders, helping the pup limp her way to the nurse's office for bandaging. "Who would do this to a dog?" She asked, checking on John as he hobbled along with Johanna sleeping on his chest in her baby sling. "You okay back there?" She asked, noticing how John's muscles were tense and that he was fighting something.

"Scared…" He breathed, pressing his lips against Johanna's downy baby hair and breathing in the scent of baby shampoo and baby powder.

Claire nodded, smiling as Toby moved to walk beside John. "She'll be okay."

Toby grinned, tapping Johanna's nose as she slept against John's chest. "Hey, Sweet cheeks-"

"Don't." John stated, remembering how Prick Dick had called him that while he'd been smacking his ass hard enough to leave swollen hand prints. "Don't call her that." He kissed her soft spot, starting to retreat into his own world.

"Sorry… I forgot." Toby apologized, holding Johanna's chubby little hand in his fingers. "What do you call her?"

"Cupcake." John whispered, stopping in his tracks just to focus on pushing his demons back. "She's my Cupcake." He jumped when Johanna started to make little sounds, pulling a rag from a pocket on the carrier and holding it to her mouth as she started to spit up. "There. That better?" He asked, patting his hand against her back to make sure she'd gotten it all out.

Johanna burped, letting John wipe her chin.

"She's cute." Toby chuckled, his nose wrinkling when he smelled something odd. "Oh, God… did she just poop?"

John nodded, hobbling into the nurse's office and setting her on the exam table. "Julia, can you hand me the diaper bag. Johanna needs her butt changed."

Julia handed John the diaper bag, laughing when she saw that Toby was keeping a fair distance from them. "Haven't you ever changed a diaper?"

He shook his head, fighting back his gag reflex when John undid the soiled diaper and started wiping the baby's butt clean. "No."

John placed a clean diaper under Johanna's bum, taping it back on with the sticky taps and sitting her up to play. "That's better, huh?" He kissed her nose, tickling her ribs to hear her bubbling little laugh. "Hey? Where's your belly?" He asked, grinning as she lifted her shirt to show him the new thing she'd learned. He kissed her belly button, and blew a raspberry on her soft skin. "Where's my belly?"

She poked his stomach, giggling as he played with her favorite toy.

"That's my Cupcake." He smiled, picking her up and kissing her on the cheek.


	216. Chapter 216

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixteen**

Toby carried John's lunch to their table, setting it in front of him as played with Chance's collar, twisting it around his hands. "Hey, Chancie will be okay." He smiled, gently patting his friend's shoulder, being careful of the still healing burns.

Claire nodded, kissing John's neck as she twisted her engagement ring around her finger. "Dr. Sheen will take good care of her. She'll be fine."

John swallowed, terrified that he would lose his first dog, and it would be his fault for calling the command. "What if I have a flashback…" He whispered, his throat constricting as if the chain were wrapped around his neck again.

Andy placed his hand on John's back, trying to remember what Clarissa had taught him about helping John out of the memories. "Hey… you're safe." He smiled, touching Allison's hand as she leaned across the table to touch John's hand.

"We're here." She stated, looking around as each one of the Breakfast Club leaned forward to touch John and help ground him. "Breakfast Law." She grinned, taking the burner code and turning it to something that suited them all. "We're always here for each other."

* * *

Claire helped John into the car after school was over, placing his crutches in the backseat. "Should we stop by the vet?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

He nodded, pulling at his leather jacket as she got into the car beside him. "I wanna bring her home."

She bit her lip, knowing that Chance was like an extension of John. "She can't come home for a couple days." She reached for his hand, holding him as best she could while driving. "But… now you know how I feel when you're in the hospital."

He squeezed her hand, closing his eyes to let himself become immersed in her. "Can you stay with me tonight?" He asked, his thumb running over the back of her hand.

She smiled, lifting his hand to her lips and kissing his skin. "Always."

* * *

John sat on the tile beside Chance's kennel, scratching her ears as she rested. He hummed in his throat, kissing his pet's head as she opened her unfocused blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Chancie…" He whispered, running his hand over the bandages on her shoulder. "Please forgive me…"

Chance wiggled toward him, her tail lazily whapping against the bed the vet had given her. She pushed her nose under his hand, licking his fingers as if she were saying "I'm okay, dad."

Clarissa opened the door to the recovery kennels, smiling as she saw John sitting on the floor next to Chance. "Hey there, Pumpkin." She soothed, kneeling down beside him as he dropped his head. "What's wrong?" She asked, placing her fingertips under his chin and tipping his head up to see his tears. "Oh… Baby…" She whipped his tears away, pulling something from her purse and drying his cheeks. "I was going to save this for your birthday, but…" She placed the red fabric in his hand, pushing his hair back. "Happy early birthday."

He unfolded the bandanna, smiling as he saw that she'd obviously spent a few weeks trying to get it to look aged like his old one. "Thanks, Mom." He leaned forward, adjusting his leg as the cast tried to prevent him from hugging her.

She kissed his head, noticing that he needed another haircut. "I don't want to see any blood on this one though." She stated, rubbing her hand over his back.

"Yes Ma'am…" He whispered, scratching Chance's head as she began to snore in her own pit bull way. "Thank you…"


	217. Chapter 217

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventeen**

Thomas watched as John picked at his food, afraid that he might stop eating again. "John, eat your dinner." He took a bite of his hamburger, pointing to John's plate. "Beef isn't cheap."

John shook his head, pushing a pickle around on his plate. "Not hungry."

Thomas rubbed his head, the headache from work only becoming worst with John's sour mood. "Eat it."

"I'm not hungry." John replied, propping his head on his hand.

"Johnathan." Thomas snapped, irritated that John refused to take care of himself but also allowed them to waste money trying to feed him. "Eat."

John looked up at him, his eyes black as night. "I'm not fucking hungry!" He shouted, slamming his hands on the table.

"Go to your room!" Thomas ordered, to annoyed from a hard day at work to deal with John's shit at the moment.

"I'm already there!" John grabbed his crutches, forcing himself up and limping up the stairs to his room. "I didn't want any fucking dinner anyway!" He slammed his bedroom door, taking off his shirt and tossing it into the hamper as he started on the makeshift jeans that they'd altered to fit with his cast. He flopped onto his bed, catching sight of his new scars in the mirror. "Scars… goddamn fucking scars…" He sat up, running his hand over the pink scars of the burns. "I hate these." He glared at his reflection, balling his hands into fists as he looked at the scars. "Fuck you!" He screamed, throwing a pillow at the mirror. "Fuck you…" He curled around his pillows, tears tracking down his face.

He'd been strong through the entire healing process after the burns, pushed as many emotions as he could down after the rape, but he couldn't do it anymore. Chance was his baby, and he couldn't stop it anymore. He couldn't take it. He let a scream rip from his throat, holding the pillow against his face as he tried to muffle the sound. He beat his fists into the bed, letting his emotions out until the fight was gone, leaving him as a hollow shell of the man he had been.

Claire knocked on his door, gently pushing it open to see that John had zoned out into his own world. "Sugar…" She sat on his bed, tracing her fingers over the cast. "You alright?"

He didn't react, just slowly blinking at the wall.

"Dad didn't mean it…" She whispered, laying so that her body matched the curve of his own. "He's just dealing with a big case right now."

"It's not him." He mumbled, taking her hand and placing it over the worst of the burn scars on his chest. "It's these…"

She kissed his ear, her lips slowly traveling down the back of his neck and all the way down his spine to just above his hips. "I love every inch of you. Scars and all." She moved her hand over his waist, pulling him to lay on his back. "Nothing can change that." She climbed on top of him, pushing her hands onto his pecs and gently bouncing on his hips.

He gave a little smirk, slipping his fingers into the neckline of her t-shirt and pulling her into a kiss. "I love you." He breathed, letting her hands trace over his skin.


	218. Chapter 218

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighteen**

Clarissa pushed John's door open, smiling when she saw that John and Claire were curled up together under his blankets. She leaned on the doorframe, noticing how Claire's ring glimmered in the moonlight filtering into John's bedroom. She shook her head as she saw that Claire was holding John close to her, her leg tucked between John's thighs to help protect the spot where the skin graph had been taken from against the rough plaster of his cast. She stepped inside of John's room, placing a small box on his desk where he would see it. "Goodnight, babies." She whispered, adjusting her robe to hide the red lace she had on underneath. "Sleep well…"

* * *

Clarissa froze, holding her hand up to Thomas to tell him to listen. "Stop." She whispered, bolting out of her bed when she heard the cry again. "John?" She looked into John's bedroom, her brow furrowing when she saw that both he and Claire were still fast asleep. "Who…"

"MOMMA!"

Clarissa bolted down the hallway, shoving Cody's door open to see him trashing around in the throws of his dream. "Cody, Cody. It's okay baby. Momma's here." She gently woke him, pulling him close to her as he struggled to regain his wits. "I'm here…" She whispered, kissing his cheek as he cried. "You're okay, baby."

He hiccupped, holding her tighter as thunder rumbled outside with the storm blowing in from the coast. "Mom…"

She nodded, rocking him back and forth until he settled down a little more. "Do you want to try and go back to sleep?" She asked, patting his back as if she were burping a baby to help him regain his breath.

He shook his head, nearly crushing her as he squeezed her tighter. "Stay."

She smiled, shooting onto his bed beside him and laying with him until he fell asleep. She hummed under her breath, wrapping his blankets around him. "Goodnight, Angel." She whispered, suddenly remembering how much John's weighted blanket helped him with his nightmares and that he was the only one in the house with one. She picked up a pen and paper, scribbling down the idea for his birthday gift before she settled in for the night.

* * *

Mary sat John in front of the bathroom mirror, picking up a pair of scissors and clipping bits of his hair off until she could actually see his eyes. "Goodness sakes." She sighed, trimming up the last few bits of hair. "Johnny, you have got more hair than a lion." She picked up a bottle of hair dye, working the brown ink into the gray roots that were starting to show toward his scalp.

He chuckled, looking at the little braid that Claire had worked into his hair a few hours ago. "You left the braid?"

She nodded, knowing that was part of Claire's heritage. "I do believe Tom told me, that it's a sign of a Viking warrior and protector of his clan." She pulled her gloves off, setting a timer for when they needed to rinse the dye from his hair. "By the way, you two need to talk."

He shook his head, the image of last night replaying in his head. "No. We're fine." He rubbed a hand over his scared chest, to scared that Thomas would kick him out if he tried to talk to him.

She sighed, sitting on the counter in front of him. "John… I know that Thomas was hot headed last night, but you need to remember that he's not Jacob."

He pulled on the towel around his shoulders, trying to think of a way to get out of this conversation. "I don't want to talk to him."

"Then talk to me." She touched his hands, letting him pull away when he wanted to.

"No." He looked up as Clarissa yawned and stretched in the doorway.

"Morning…" She smiled, walking into the bathroom and running her fingers over the scruff on his cheek. "How'd you sleep?" She asked, fully aware that she hadn't slept worth a damn with how Cody tossed and turned all night.

He shrugged, still able to feel Claire in his arms and pressed to his chest, the way her thigh had sandwiched itself between his legs to help protect the tender skin from the graph. "Claire's warm." He smiled, burying his nose in his sweatshirt that he and Claire had been warring over for more than two months.

She laughed, kissing his cheek before she went to her room to get ready for the day. "I'm glad you're doing better." She closed the bathroom door, being sure that no one else was around so that she could finish what she and Thomas had started last night.


	219. Chapter 219

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Nineteen**

John took a seat on a stool in the music store, taking a brand-new Fender deluxe Stratocaster in navy blue from Vernon as he held it out to him. "Thanks." He smiled, placing the head phones over his ears and strumming a few chords. "And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now… and all I can taste is this moment… and all I can breathe is your life. And sooner or later it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight. And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand… when everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am… and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies… when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive. And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand, when everything's meant to be broken I just want you to know who I am… and I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am, and I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am… I just want you to know who I am… I just want you to know who I am… I just want you to know who I am…" His voice floated through the shop, making everyone inside go completely silent and begin to gather around the teen whose voice was like that of an angel and the devil all in one.

One looked to Vernon, motioning to John. "Is he yours?" She asked, able to see that this young man sang with enough love and passion to fill the world.

Vernon shook his head, smiling as John's voice brought tears to nearly everyone's eyes. Except for two. "No, I'm just his crazy uncle." He chuckled, watching as the couple whispered in each other's ears.

John felt the strings against his fingers, the whole time he sang thinking about Claire, and the life they would have together. "I just want you to know… who I am…"

* * *

Claire folded a pair of jeans, smoothing her hands over them and bending at the hips to place them on the rack. "We ain't in it for the money We ain't in it for the fame We ain't even in it for the perks We're in it for the journey Hopes and dreams come true. Rags can turn to riches and broken hearts and bodies can be healed with loving hands, however..." She sang John's song under his breath, jumping when she almost ran into her boss's chest. "Oh, Kyle…" She placed a hand over her heart, struggling to catch her breath from her scare. "Sorry… I didn't see you there…" She smiled, placing her hand on his shoulder to move him so that she could go back to work.

"Claire." He closed his hand around her wrist, pulling her tight against his body. "There's no one else here…"

"Kyle, please let me go." She tried to twist her wrist out of his grip, yelping when he shoved his hand into the front of her slacks. "Stop!" She tried to slap his hands away, closing her eyes tight against the feeling of how he was touching her. She pressed her lips tight against each other, trying to make him stop kissing her.

"HEY!" John's voice barked from across the store, the end of his crutch flying over her shoulder and hitting Kyle right in the arm. "Back off!" He pushed Claire behind him, glaring at the intruder with pitch black eyes.

Claire touched his shoulder, jumping as he turned on her. "John-"

"Get in the car." He ordered, already pulling the keys to Thomas's BMW out of his pocket. "We'll talk when we get home." He pushed her toward the doorway, leaning toward Kyle with what could only be described as a death stance. "Leave my fiancée alone."

"Or what?" Kyle asked, pushing his hand against John's chest so that he had to regain his balance. "Cripple?"

John was silent for a moment, before he let his crutch fly between Kyle's leg. "Next time I catch you, you won't have the testosterone to be horny." He spat, limping after Claire and giving her a nudge with his hand to let her know to move it or he would lose it.

"John-"

"Don't." He snapped, letting Claire know that he was about to explode.


	220. Chapter 220

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty**

Claire twisted her ring around her finger, able to feel the tension building in John. "John-"

"Don't." He growled, the pain of his own rape returning like a storm.

She nodded, dropping her gaze to look at her hands. She traced the lines in her palm, feeling her soft skin and thinking about how rough John's was. "I didn't want him to-"

"I know." He stated, his eyes still as dark as the night. He glared out the windshield, his fingers flexing around the steering wheel.

* * *

Claire opened the door for John as he limped inside, smiling at her father as he approached them. "Hey Daddy." She wrapped him in a hug, not noticing how John bowed his head in submission and avoided eye contact as if he were a scared puppy.

Thomas kissed her cheek, stepping toward John and guiding him into his office. He shut the door almost all the way, being careful to leave it slightly open to show he meant no harm. "Johnny, I'm sorry about last night." He smiled, taking a seat across the desk from the kid. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that… but I think that I actually need your help on this." He pushed a file toward John, showing him the case. "This case, involves child abuse… but the cops can't prove much because this kid is so scared of the consequences, that she won't tell them everything they need to know."

John looked over the papers, flipping through them so fast that Thomas actually got dizzy. "What do you need me to do?" He asked, stopping on the photos of the little girl.

"I need you, to speak with her. See if you can get her to tell us what we need." Thomas sighed, his heart aching with the next words to leave his mouth. "You know more about abuse than I do. And I think that with your past… you can get through to her better than we can."

John nodded, the image of the bruises on the girl's body reminding him of his own. "I'll do it." He stated without even a second of hesitation. "Set up a time and place and I'll be there."

Thomas smiled, ruffling John's hair. "She's a fan of yours too. Might be a good idea to give her a signed album." He chuckled, patting John of the shoulder before he left the room.

John looked down at the photo, the brown eyes of the young girl reflecting his own so well. "I… thought you were dead…" He traced his fingers over her jaw, able to see parts of himself in her.

* * *

Clarissa let Chance into the house, laughing as the Pit Bull flew onto the sofa and made herself completely at home on John's lap. "I think she missed you!" She sat beside him, holding him close as she noticed his odd behavior. "What's wrong?" She asked, turning his head to look at her.

"Claire's boss tried to get in her pants, and I don't know what to do about it…" He grit his teeth, flinching as the movement caused something in the very back of his jaw to hurt. "Ow…"

Clarissa's brow furrowed, wondering if both John and Claire needed their wisdom teeth out. "Open your mouth for me." She picked up a flashlight, shining it into his mouth to see that his wisdom teeth were indeed starting to come in. "That's what I thought."

"What?" He asked, poking the swollen gums with his finger to try and alleviate the pain.

"You need to get your wisdom teeth pulled." She smiled, aware that he would be loopy as hell when he came out of that. "Now, as far as Claire's dipshit boss. I say you should go to his boss. Who happens to be in my bible study." She smirked, scratching Chance's ears as she gave a groan of contentment.


	221. Chapter 221

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-One**

John played with the purple ribbon that Amelia had tied around his wrist, picking up Johanna as she began to fuss. "Shh… it's alright, Cupcake." He soothed, offering her the bottle that Julia had left at their table while she went to the ladies' room. "Hungry?"

"She's cute." Smiled an elderly woman at the next table. "How old?"

John thought back for a moment, trying to remember exactly what day it had been when he delivered his godchild. "She's six weeks." He smiled, taking the bottle from her mouth as she began to cough. "You alright?" He lifted her to his shoulder, patting her back until she spit up. "I forgot the rag… didn't I?" He sat her on his lap, picking up a napkin and wiping her chin before he moved to his shoulder.

"Are you the father?" The woman asked, taking in the scruff that was attempting to come in on his jaw and upper lip that made him look older than he was.

John shook his head, looking up as Frank walked in to meet with he and Julia for lunch. "No, I'm just her uncle."

Frank took a seat across from John, kissing Julia's cheek as she sat beside him. "What's shakin' bacon?" He asked, chuckling as Johanna started to pull on the key at John's neck.

Julia shook her head, taking her daughter from John so that she could change her butt. "Come on, Baby, let's get you cleaned up."

Frank leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. "What did you want to talk to us about?" He asked, afraid that John had changed his mind about being Johanna's godfather.

John took a breath, pushing the mixed emotions back. "I think that this… this little girl… in Tom's case… she, she might be my sister…" He rubbed a hand over his cast, the skin itching as the bone inside of his leg began to heal.

* * *

Clarissa sat with John as the dentist clipped the paper bib around his neck, smiling at how nervous he was. "Relax, Pumpkin. Dr. Williams is just gonna take some x-rays to make sure that your wisdom teeth are ready." She kissed his head, watching as Dr. Williams adjusted the x-ray machine and helped John fit the little plates into his mouth. "We'll be right out there." She smiled, draping the lead blanket over John's body before she left.

She stepped over to the next cubicle to check on Claire, smiling when she saw that her daughter was twisting her ring. "Hey, Claire Bear."

Claire smiled, standing as Dr. Higgins finished with her x-rays and cleaning. "How's John?" She asked, remembering their conversation from the night before. "He was a little worried."

Clarissa nodded, kissing her daughter's head. "He's alright."

* * *

Thomas handed a paper to John, placing a cup of iced coffee beside him to help with his sore gums from the dentist. "Her name's Phoebe Wright, she's eleven-years-old, and she and her social worker are going to meet you tomorrow after school at the fountain in the park."

John nodded, sipping on his coffee and letting Amelia climb into his lap. "Sounds good." He rubbed his nose against Amelia's cheek, able to feel that she was starting to get sick from the bug that had been going around. "Should we go take a nap, Squirt?" He asked, pushing on his jaw where one of his bottom wisdom teeth was starting to ache.

"Yeah…" She nodded, snuggling up to John's chest until he put her down to pick up his crutches. "I wish you could still carry me…"

He gave a sad smile, ruffling her short hair as they limped up to his room. "He too, Kiddo."


	222. Chapter 222

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Two**

John wrapped Amelia in his blankets, kissing her head only to discover that she was starting to develop a fever. "Feeling pretty crappy, huh?" He whispered, hugging her close to his chest as she coughed.

"My head hurts…" She groaned, wiping her nose on her wrist.

He nodded, placing the cool cloth that Mary had given him on her head. "Do you need some cold medicine?" He asked, fully aware that he would need one of the adults to unlock the medicine cabinet for him.

"Yeah…" She mumbled, taking her teddy bear from John as he moved to get up.

* * *

John hobbled down the hallway to Vernon and Jan's bedroom, knocking on the door to get their attention. "Rich?" He called, knowing that he was most likely on the phone or taking a nap.

Vernon rubbed a hand through his hair, blinking the sleep from his eyes when he saw that John needed something. "What's up, Johnny?" He yawned.

"I need some cough meds for Amelia." He stated, adjusting himself on his crutches. "She's not feeling so hot."

Vernon nodded, grabbing his medicine cabinet key and stepping into the adult's restroom where they kept mostly medical supplies since all the adult bedrooms had a bathroom attached to them. "That cold?"

John leaned forward on his crutches, taking his weight off of his one good leg for a moment to let it rest. "Yeah… she got it from the rug-rats at school." He took the bottle from Vernon, limping back to his bedroom and resting on the bed to give Amelia the correct dose. "Here." He gave her the little measuring cup, watching as she downed it before handing it back to him.

"Thanks…" She sighed, letting John give the bottle back to Vernon. "Love you…"

John smiled, combing her hair out of her face and she started to dose. "Thanks, Rich." He moved to lay down beside the kid, offering his thanks by actually letting Vernon touch his shoulder. "Means a lot."

* * *

Clarissa leaned on John's doorframe, shaking her head as she watched him try to help Amelia relax in her illness. "Need a break?" She asked, stepping inside of his room and swiping the little red box from his dresser.

"I don't know what to do…" He groaned, rubbing circles on Amelia's back as she hacked and coughed.

Clarissa nodded, picking up the child and handing the box to John. "Shh… It's alright, Baby." She soothed, watching as John undid the ribbon and pulled out the brand-new Walkman player. "I thought you might like to have your own." She smiled, rocking Amelia on her lap.

"Thanks, Mom." He yawned, leaning on her shoulder as he started to feel his own sleepiness trying to overtake him.

She kissed his head, rubbing her fingers over his cheek. "I love you, Pumpkin." She combed her fingers into his hair, kissing his forehead as he rested. "More than you know."

* * *

John gave a short whistle, telling Chance to heal to his side. "Chancie, stay close."

She gave him a big Pit Bull grin, wagging her tail until it tapped against the plaster cast as if she were saying "I know dad."

John shook his head, smirking as his dog attracted attention from every person in the park. "You really are a ham." He chuckled, stopping in his tracks as he caught sight of the young girl he'd come to see.

She was sitting with an elderly woman who could only be her social worker on the edge of the fountain, an open sketch book and piece of charcoal in her hands as she scribbled on the paper. Her hands were stained black with the charcoal, her bright yellow dress staring to look like a speckled bumble bee as the powder was rubbed into the fabric.

John limped forward, a fuzzy image flashing in his mind of a tiny baby in a makeshift crib. "Phoebe?" He asked, leaning on his crutches as she looked up at him. "I'm John…"


	223. Chapter 223

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Three**

Phoebe's eyes widened as she looked up at the man before her, able to see bits of herself in him. "Hi…" She gave a small wave, giving Chance a pat on the head. "Are you Mr. Standish's son?"

He nodded, easing himself to sit beside her on the fountain wall. "Yeah. I'm his foster son."

"What happened to your leg?" She asked, taking in the cast that was scribbled on that the white plaster was barely showing.

He tapped his knuckles on the cast, chuckling to hide the pain of the memory. "My old man busted it a few years ago, and in that fire at the Event Stadium a couple weeks ago, I must've caught it on something and it fractured again." He whistled for Chance to sit down beside him, unzipping a pocket on her service animal vest and pulling something out of it. "Thomas told me you like my band?"

She smiled, taking the signed tape from him and running her fingers over it. "Whoa!"

He met the social worker's gaze, jumping when Phoebe wrapped him in a hug. "Glad you like it." He laughed, closing his eyes as he hugged her back, tucking his nose into her shoulder to hide his tears. His heart ached with the first ever contact with his baby sister. "Fuck…" He whispered, his emotions somehow escaping the bottle he tried so hard to push them into.

Phoebe rubbed his back, a strange feeling of home settling on her as this young man started to crack before her. "What's wrong?" She asked, letting him pull back to look at her. "Did I hurt your leg?"

He cracked a smile, cupping her cheek in his palm. "No. The cast keeps anything from getting to it." He brushed her hair back, noticing that she had Beverly's hair, darker than his own and so full of curl that she could almost pass for a lion if it wasn't braided back. "It's just… I never thought I would see you again…"

She pulled back from him, looking at her social worker to find out what he meant. "Lily?" She asked, knowing that she would know more about him than she did.

Lily smiled, looking between her and John. "You remember that you were adopted by the Wrights, correct?" She waited for Phoebe to nod, before she motioned to John. "Well, this… is your biological brother… Johnathan Kurtis Bender. He's Jacob and Beverly Bender's biological son."

* * *

Claire rushed to John's side as he limped through the front door of the house, able to see that he was starting to fall into a flashback. "John?" She touched his shoulder, gasping when he dropped his crutches to embrace her. She wove her fingers into his hair, letting him seek the shelter he craved that only she was able to give. "Hey… what's wrong?"

His good knee gave out, leaving all of his weight on Claire as she struggled to get him over to the living room to sit.

His mind swarmed with fuzzy memories, the time that had passed between finding the pregnancy test in the garbage and when his mother returned to the home ironing out from a wrinkled few minutes to a full nine months. He remembered her returning to the house after he'd turned seven, how she'd taken his hand and led him away from Jacob and how they'd walked for miles until they reached the run-down apartment building where a tiny baby was sleeping in a small crib.

"Phoebe… she, she's my… sister." He whispered, looking into his fiancée's eyes as he forced himself to sit up. "Beverly lied to us…"


	224. Chapter 224

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Four**

Clarissa placed a huge gift in front of Cody, smiling as he opened it to show the homemade weighted blanket she'd made for him. "I thought it might help with the nightmares." She stated, letting Amelia hand him the next gift. "Happy birthday, Peanut."

Cody opened the little box that Amelia gave him, grinning as he pulled out the new woodworking knifes. "Thanks guys!" He cheered, standing up to give them all hugs. He squeezed his arms around Clarissa first, followed by the rest of the gang. "I've never had such a good birthday."

John chuckled, squeezing Claire's hand as she bounced Johanna on her lap. "Happy birthday, Dumbass." He jumped as the front door opened, looking around the corner to see that Phoebe was standing at the door with Lily and a bag of her belongings.

Amelia looked between the two, noticing how similar they looked. "Is she your sister?" She asked, remembering how John had talked in his sleep for the last few nights.

He nodded, clumsily standing to limp over to his sister with Dominic, Jade, and Claire by his side. "Phoebe, this is our cousin, Dom and his girlfriend Jade, and this is my fiancée, Claire." He held his hand out to her, offering her some comfort in the house of chaos. "Welcome to the Breakfast Clubhouse." He smiled.

* * *

Phoebe unpacked her bag, placing her clothes in the drawers of her dresser and propping the tape that John had given her against the little player that she'd found in the trash after he'd given it to her. "I'm scared…" She whispered to herself, jumping as John's deep voice spoke behind her.

"I know." He stated, limping inside of her room and taking a seat on her bed. "It's not easy, facing your worst nightmares." He dropped his gaze to his hands, working up the courage to tell her. "I'm proud of you for facing them now… I didn't face Beverly and Jacob until last April… and I should have turned them in years ago." He took a breath, letting his hands go to the zipper on his hoodie and pull it down until he was bare from the hips up. "Abuse isn't okay… it almost killed me and I'm glad you got out before it got this bad."

Phoebe's eyes widened as she looked at the mangled scars on her brother's skin, tentatively reaching a hand out to touch the worst of them. "Daddy only hit me once in a while…" She whispered, running her fingers over his shoulders and down his side only to jump away when she saw the letters branded onto his ribs. "Did they do this?" She asked, touching the word.

He nodded, baring his past to her and letting her feel each and every scar she could see on his body. "Yep… I was fourteen, Jacob got mad at me for steeling one of his beer, he tied my hands together and took me to the garage where he hoisted me off of the ground and branded me like a side of beef." He swallowed, pushing the pain back.

She crawled around him on her bed, studying the other scars over his back she noticed that there were plenty of raised lines crisscrossing over his shoulders, ribs, and hips, recognizing the wounds from her homework assignment of the civil war. "Were… were you whipped?" She asked, watching as muscles hidden under his skin rippled with strength that Jacob had obviously tried to break from his will years ago.

He nodded, the bite of the chain returning with a force more powerful than a storm. "Eleven years… all because Beverly was a fucking whore." He covered his mouth as the words left his lips, having forgotten that Phoebe was only a child despite how grown-up she acted. "Sorry…"

She shrugged, pulling at her sleeve to show John one of her puny scars. "Momma hit me with a milk bottle once." She stated, letting him take her wrist in his hand and tenderly kiss her skin.

He looked at her mussed braids, picking up her hairbrush and pulling the rubber bands from her hair to redo it. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you." He sighed, brushing out her hair before he wove it into a neat braid down her back.


	225. Chapter 225

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Five**

Ryan chuckled as John waited patently in his chair, watching as his eyes widened with the sight of the cast cutter in his hand. "Relax, Johnny." He smiled, noticing that John was chewing on a stick of Bubblemint again. "Are your teeth hurting?" He asked, remembering when his kids were teething and liked to chew on their rubber teething rings to help with the soreness.

John shrugged, being careful to keep the wad of gum in the back of his jaw so that he could use it as a cushion on his swollen gums. "Kinda."

"Give it a couple days and those'll be out." He turned the cast cutter on, slicing through the plaster until it fell away to show the cotton and John's own skin again. "There." He sighed, watching as John bent his knee. "Test it out."

John pushed himself off of the chair, babying his leg for a moment to make sure he didn't hurt it and end up in another cast. "It feels weaker…" He stated, stretching his foot out as he took another step.

Ryan nodded. "That's normal. You haven't put weight on it for a while, so the muscles need to get used to it again."

John stumbled slightly, gripping at Ryan's hand as he steadied him. "Thanks."

* * *

Phoebe crossed her legs as she and Amelia played with her barbies, laughing as she heard Cody and Jim shouting at each other while they played some game in the yard. "Is everyone around here this crazy?" She asked, rushing to the open window when a splash reached her ears, only to see that Jim and fallen into the pool.

Amelia giggled, remembering what John and the others used as an excuse when they got in trouble for being weird. "They're just weird from the drugs they used." She shrugged, not understanding what she'd just said.

"Drugs?" Phoebe asked, hardly able to believe that her sweet, loving brother could ever have done something so evil. "John did drugs?"

Amelia nodded, remembering the first time she'd seen John in the throws of a seizure. "His brain used to get confused and make him twitch around a lot. Mommy told me he was sick because the bad people who stole me made him take something that was bad."

"You mean seizures?" Phoebe watched as her brother walked through the back gate, noticing that he seemed to be sore from something.

Amelia shrugged, watching as John cradled his side like he always did after he'd been to boxing practice. "I don't remember what they were called." She grabbed Phoebe's hand, dragging her down the stairs to see John as he walked into the house. "John!" She squealed, bounding toward him as he grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and holding it to a bruising spot on his cheek.

"Hey, Squirt." He smiled limping over to the back sofa and flopping onto the cushions and letting his aching body relax for a moment. "How're you two doing?"

Phoebe stepped toward him, noticing that he was bruised and still had sweat on his skin. "What happened?" She asked, afraid that he'd gotten into a fight or something on the way home.

He chuckled, licking his lip as it started to bleed from the little split he'd gotten. "I'm on the boxing team at my school and we had practice today. I guess I've been out of commission for too long and lost my edge." He let Amelia climb onto the sofa and lift his head onto her lap. "I usually don't take this many hits."

Amelia nodded, holding the bag of frozen vegies on his cheek for him. "He's the best fighter on the team!" She bragged, looking up as her mother walked inside of the room.

"Only when he's not hurt too bad though." She smiled, patting Phoebe on her shoulder and looking down at John and her daughter as he tried to recover from his practice. "Why don't you go shower." She pulled on a section of his hair, rubbing her fingers together as the oil made them feel odd. "You need one."

He nodded, slowly pushed himself off of the couch and made his way upstairs. "Sure thing." He smiled, pulling his new varsity jacket off and tossing his sweaty team tank-top into the laundry hamper as he passed it.

Phoebe tilted her head as she caught sight of the upside-down cross on his lower back, looking up at Mary to see her sad expression. "How'd he get that cross?" She asked.

"He'll tell you that when he's ready." She sighed, turning to the back door as Dominic and Jade walked inside. She picked up her daughter, taking her and Phoebe outside. "Come on, we're trying to decide on a theme for John's birthday next month." She put a smile on her face, trying to hide the pain in her heart at the hardships John had faced and get the kids out of the house incase John did have a breakdown with all the change.


	226. Chapter 226

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Six**

Claire knocked on the bathroom door, giggling when she heard John drop the shampoo bottle. "Sugar, I need to get something. Is it alright if I come in?" She asked, squirming as her pad moved a little.

"Go for it." He picked up his soap bar, scrubbing it over his washcloth and washing the sweat from his body.

Claire opened the door, smiling as the scent of Yardley's Musk soap filled her nose. "How was practice?" She opened the bottom drawer in the counter, pulling out a pad.

John pulled the shower curtain back a little, poking his head into the space to see her. "Painful." He smirked as she jumped and rushed to hide the menstrual napkin behind her back. "I know what a period is, Sweets." He chuckled, shutting the water off and grabbing his towel to wrap around his hips. "Believe it or not, I actually carry pads and tampons in my bag in case any of you girls get surprised." He pulled the curtain back, smiling as Claire blushed and turned to hide the pink in her cheeks. "You've got blood on your butt." He stepped behind her, wrapping his arm around her hips and kissing her neck. "I'm gonna get dressed." He rasped, keeping his voice low and sweet as he kissed a trail down the back of her neck.

Claire shivered as his lips suckled on her skin and brushed over her neck like a feather. "I love you." She smiled, turning her head to kiss his lips.

"Love you more." He whispered, running his fingers over her jawline before he left so that she could change her pad and he could get dressed.

* * *

Phoebe stepped into John's bedroom, wiping a tear from her cheek as she limped over to him. "John?" She sniffled, showing him her bloody knee as he closed his notebook.

He jumped off of his bed, sitting on the floor and pulling her to sit on his lap. "What happened?" He asked, cupping her leg in his palm as he looked at the bloody scrape.

"J-Jessop pushed me." She hiccupped, screaming as he wiped the blood away with his shirt hem. "Don't! It hurts!"

He nodded, picking her up and placing her on his bed. "I'll fix you up." He smiled, brushing a section of her hair behind her ear as he opened his drawer where he kept a small first-aid kit to help with little scrapes that always came with being a teenage boy. "Alright, this'll sting like hell." He held a small aerosol can to her leg, pushing the button and sending disinfecting spray onto the wound.

"OW!" She cried, pulling away from his hands and holding her leg close. "That hurts!"

John sighed, pulling her foot until he could stick a bandaid on her knee. "How about some ice-cream?" He smirked, taking her hand as she jumped down from his bed and skipped toward the door.

"Yeah!" She cheered, happy that she could actually get to know this new sibling that she'd never heard of before.


	227. Chapter 227

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Seven**

John set a big banana split in front of his sister, shaking his head as she dug into the fudge. "Good God!" He laughed taking a seat on the other chair and lifting his ice cream cone to his lips. "You're messier than me!"

"Well, if it isn't Johnny Bender." Kemp smiled like a snake at the siblings, noticing how similar they looked. "This your illegitimate kid?"

John glared at him, praying that his eyes wouldn't chance color and give away his tell. "Screw off, Kemp." He growled, standing to his full height as an attempt to show his dominance. "Besides, I would have to have been seven when she was born. She's my sister." He popped his knuckles, his shoulders tightening as he fought against the urge to punch Kemp's lights out.

Kemp placed a paper on the table, happy that he'd brought the court order that had been given to Thomas at the last meeting a few hours ago. "The judge ordered a DNA test." He stated, fully aware that John was the closest bet to be a family member and therefore a legal guardian when he turned eighteen in December. "I expect to see it in the mail by Monday." He turned on his heel, ordering a smoothie before he left the shop. "Don't get raped again, Johnathan." He hissed as he walked past the siblings, smirking with the knowledge that Phoebe would have heard him.

"Fuck off Kemp." John snapped, the memory of the cross being carved into his back burning in his mind.

Phoebe looked up at her brother, fear rising in her as she saw his anger. "Is… that how you got the cross scar?"

"Eat your ice cream." He ordered, walking toward the restroom. "And don't talk to anybody. I'll be back in a sec."

John pushed a stall door open, locking it behind him as his stomach flipped and he started to gag. "Fuck…" He spat into the toilet bowl, opening his eyes to see the entire contents of his stomach that had gone to waste. "I hate you Kemp." He hissed, letting his body rest for a second before he went back out to see his sister.

* * *

John grit his teeth as Claire rubbed lotion into his back, noticing that the burn that had needed the skin graph was still tender. "Ow…" He groaned, sucking air through his teeth as the lotion started to sting.

"Sorry." Claire whispered, gently touching his neck with her fingertips and rubbing in little circles to help relieve the tension that she knew was bugging him. "They're healing up, though." She tried to remember the spots that his acupuncturist used to loosen him up, pressing her fingers along his spine. "Where exactly does Gloria put those needles?" She asked, frustrated when he only seemed to tense up more.

"I can't really feel them, so I don't really know." He yawned, rolling onto his side and pulling her to lay with him. "But I can feel you." He whispered, kissing a line down her jaw and neck until he reached just above her cleavage.

She winced, pressing her hand to her lower abdomen and letting a small groan escape her.

"You okay?" He asked, pressing his hand over hers.

She nodded, looking into his eyes to see the hint of green that showed worry. "Cramps." She whispered, snuggling into his chest as his hand traveled to her back and his fingers pressed in a constant steady pressure against her spine. "That stopped them…" She gasped, looking at the smirk on his face. "How did you learn that?" She asked, shocked to find yet another secret he had to show.

"I… used to go with a chick… who got cramps and back pain when her time of the month came, and I stayed at her place a lot and eventually I figured out what helped." He tucked a blanket around them, kissing her lips with tender, comfortable, love. "I'll see you tomorrow." He breathed, moaning in pleasure as she placed her lips against his throat and began to suckle on his skin.


	228. Chapter 228

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Eight**

Phoebe smiled as John walked down the staircase, giggling at how his hair stuck up in all directions and his jaw was darkened by thick stubble. "Good morning."

John gave a lazy wave, pouring himself a big cup of coffee and dumping a packet of sugar into it before he took a drink. "Hey." He yawned, scratching his ribs until his nails accidentally raked over a burn. "Fuck!" He winced, pressing his palm over the spot to stop the pain. "Goddamn it." He hissed, lifting his arm to get a better look at the tender scar.

Phoebe rushed to his side, pulling his hand away so that she could look at it. "Did this hurt?" She asked, touching his ribs.

He nodded, taking a breath before he started to dish up some Apple Jacks for his breakfast. "Like Hell-Fire." He sighed, glaring at the court order for a DNA test on the fridge.

Claire stepped up to the siblings, kissing John's neck and trailing her lips down to his collarbones and the hollow underneath his Adam's Apple. "Morning, Sugar." She smiled, feeling his throat vibrate as he moaned in pleasure.

He closed his eyes, moving his hands over her hips and massaging his fingers along her spine until his finger tips reached the clasp of her bra. He cracked his lips open, giving her the invite to put her tongue into his mouth.

She slipped her tongue between his lips, pushing so far into his mouth that she nearly choked him as she pushed on his soft pallet just before his throat.

He fought against her, playing with her for dominance like a cat with a mouse. He jumped back slightly as she pushed even farther into his throat, coughing as he tried to regain his breath. "Damn…" He gagged, letting her place her hands against the hard plains of his chest. "Sweets, you win." He chuckled, kissing her nose before he began to eat his breakfast and morning coffee.

* * *

Ryan sat beside John and Phoebe on the sofa, placing a few things on the coffee table. "Alright, there are a couple ways we can do these tests." He pointed to the syringes. "One in a blood draw. Or, since Phoebe hasn't eaten yet, she could to a mouth swab. But John, you already ate, and a hair or skin sample would take too long to run tests on… so, you have two options." He placed a plastic cup on the table. "Either, I take blood, or, you give them a sperm sample."

John lifted his eyes to Ryan, practically glaring at him. "You want me to jerk off."

Ryan nodded, handing John the cup. "either that, or I take blood."

John growled, taking the cup and marching up the stairs. "Stay downstairs!" He shouted, terrified that someone would walk in on him and send him into a flashback.

* * *

Claire quietly stepped to John's door, listening to see if he was still at it or just letting himself recover. She opened the door, yelping as she covered her eyes. "Sorry!" She screamed, rushing to close the door as her face turned bright pink.

He heaved a sigh, pulling his boxers up and walking over to her. "It's fine." He smiled, taking her hand and pulling it from her face. "I can't get it right now anyway." He kissed her lips, pulling her into his room and sitting on the bed beside her. "I… I think… I need to talk about it…"

She nodded, pulling him close so that he felt completely safe and like he could really talk to her. "Tell me." She whispered, kissing his ear and feeling the new earring that he'd gotten for his piercing. "I'll listen."


	229. Chapter 229

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Twenty-Nine**

John laid back on his bed, combing his fingers through her hair and drinking in the sight of her as he bared his soul to her. "I… think that when those guys… raped me, that something flipped in my brain." He paused for a second, letting her fingers slid over his side as she tried to calm him. "I'm not gay or anything. But… it's like my body won't let me…" He huffed, frustrated that he couldn't make the words sound right. "I can't get hard." He stated, ripping the bandage off.

She nodded, cupping his cheek in her hand. "You just need time." She smiled, tracing a finger over his chest and abs. "That's all." She combed her hand through his hair, smoothing her thumb over his eyebrow.

He kissed her nose, tracing circles on her back. "I love you." He smiled, pushing himself off of the bed and taking the empty plastic cup from his nightstand. "I'm gonna have Ryan take blood."

She gave a small smirk, sitting up to watch him leave. "John?" She waited for him to turn. "Thank you for telling me."

He nodded, winking at her before he left.

* * *

Ryan jumped as a plastic cup hit him in the shoulder, picking it up to see that it was empty. "Where's the sample?" He asked, looking up at John as he pulled his shirtsleeve up.

"I couldn't get it." He growled, picking up a needle that was still in its wrapper and handing it to Ryan. "Just take blood." He balled his fist as he felt Ryan line the needle up, opening his eyes as Phoebe touched his face. "I'm okay…" He breathed, wincing as the steel was pushed into his vein.

* * *

Jade pushed the door to the Breakfast Clubhouse open, bolting to the living room where everyone was bound to be watching a movie or playing a game. "Guys!" She bounced beside Dominic taking his hand as she moved to show them the ring. "Dom proposed!" She announced, grinning as Claire and the other women in the house rushed to see the ring.

John chuckled, clapping a hand on Dominic's back. "Welcome to the engaged life."

"Am I supposed to feel like I'm heading for a waterfall?" He asked, his stomach knotting in fear with the thought of his life starting over completely.

John nodded, motioning to the ring on Claire's finger. "Yup. I've felt that way since I gave her that damn thing."

Thomas laughed, patting the boys on the shoulders. "That never stops." He smiled, looking up to the other members of the family and raising his arms. "How about we go out to dinner?"

"YEAH!" They cheered, rushing for their coats and keys.


	230. Chapter 230

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty**

Claire hesitated as John offered her a helmet, balling her hands in the cuffs of his leather jacket. "What if we wreck?" She asked, trying to get John to let them take her car.

He rolled his eyes, pulling her hand toward him. "We won't wreck, Sweets. Trust me. I'll protect you."

She sighed, taking the helmet and pulling it on. "You're an idiot." She laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist and tucking her nose into the crook of his neck.

He chuckled, starting the bike up and using his foot to shift it into gear with the pedal. "I'm your idiot." He twisted the throttle, turning onto the street and following the rest of the family to the restaurant that Dominic and Jade had decided on.

* * *

Amelia bounced over to John and Claire, climbing onto his lap as he handed Johanna to Frank to let him burp her. "Are Dominic and Jade gonna have babies?" She watched as Dominic placed his hand over Jade's stomach.

He chuckled, nodding as Dominic and Jade kissed. "I think they're gonna have kids sooner than we thought."

"Well, if it isn't our little faggot and his tribe." Leon's voice spoked from right behind John and Claire, making the kid jump.

John stood, placing Amelia on the chair as he turned to look at Leon and his snake of a niece. "Leon, Jess, don't do this here." He stepped toward them, letting Jessica shove him into the table.

"You fucking bitch!" She shouted at Jade, throwing a class of pop at her. "You betrayed us!"

Jade pressed to Dominic's side, fear rising in her stomach. "I didn't-"

John's hand wrapped around Jessica's arm, his muscles rippling with hidden strength as he pulled her away from the family. "Get out." He ordered, grabbing Leon's arm and escorting them to the door. "I don't give a shit what you do to me, but don't _ever_ attack my family again."

Leon moved to grab John by the throat, his vision going red. "You little-" He stopped short when John didn't flinch away like he usually did, terror rising in his chest as the teen stayed completely calm and docile.

"Go home, Leon." He stated, turning away and walking back to the family. "You and Jess don't belong here." He picked up Amelia as she rushed to him, placing her on his hip and resting his hand on Phoebe's shoulder while they walked back to their table.

"He's got a daughter…" Leon gave an evil grin, the image of the little girl with John's eyes going into a file folder in his mind.


	231. Chapter 231

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-One**

Claire sat on John's bed, tugging on the ties of her hoodie as she waited for him to return from his shower. She sighed, taking his open notebook from his night table and running her fingers over the lines of writing. She didn't read the words, but only enjoyed how clean his penmanship was.

"Read." John's voice smiled from the doorway. "You can always read it. I don't mind if it's just you." He scrubbed his towel over his head, making his hair stick up in stringy sections.

She nodded, turning through the pages until she found one that seemed to call to her.

I'll Love You...

On the day we say 'I do', our hearts and souls  
will unite. The hopes and dreams of  
many will become reality when the  
Greek wanderer marries his Irish rose

I'll love you for forever and a day  
I'll love you until hell freezes over  
I'll love you even when you're angry  
No matter what, I'll love you true

I'm counting the days until we  
exchange promises and build the  
last bridge across the oceans  
of matrimony and love.

Forces conspire against us, to derail  
our future. We fight to keep our fates  
on track and from tearing each other  
apart when suspicion wins.

I look forward to riding the waves of  
life's ocean with you by my side, facing both  
good and bad times together. I look forward to  
all this and more for the rest of our lives.

She lifted her eyes to him, standing to touch his back when she saw that he was enjoying just being in the same room with her and looking out the window that overlooked their spot on the beach. "I'll love you always." She breathed, kissing his neck and trailing down his shoulder to the first letter burned into his side. "No matter what."

He sighed in contentment, pulling her close to him as the music from Clarissa and Thomas's record player floated into his doorway. "I'll love you until my heart gives its last beat, and my lungs will no longer take breath." He swayed her from side to side, dancing with her across the carpeting, the sound of the waves and the soft music playing in their ears.

She closed her eyes, resting her cheek on his chest to feel his heart's strong beat deep in his ribs. "I like this." She breathed, kissing his skin as his lips pressed to the crown of her head. "I don't want it to end."

He smiled, rocking her as he'd seen Clarissa and Thomas do when they didn't know anyone was there. "It never will." He tipped her chin up to look into her eyes, noticing how they reflected the stars that shone in his window. "Mi Estrella."

"What does that one mean?" She asked, letting him twirl her and pull her back to him.

"My Star." He placed his hand over hers, his eyes shining with pure affection in the brown orbs.

 **Thank you HMG2000! I love your poems and can't wait to see more of them!**


	232. Chapter 232

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Two**

Claire snuggled into John's body, pulling his arms tighter around her chest as she felt his soft lips against her neck. "I want you." She whispered, biting her lip as he pulled away from her neck.

"You… you what?" He asked, letting her roll over and place her hands against his chest.

"I, I want you…" She repeated, afraid that he would get scared of fall into a flashback. "I'm ready to lose my virginity."

He hesitated, thinking long and hard about if it was okay because they were in love. "Claire, I want you too… but as your fiancée, and as your friend, I have to respect Thomas's wishes." He ran his fingers into her hair, his lips brushing over her forehead as he pulled her too him. "Believe me, Sweets, I want it… so bad. But I can't do this now."

She nodded in understanding, tucking her face under his throat and nipping at the soft skin of his neck. "Okay." She began sucking at his throat, turning the skin purple.

* * *

Phoebe stretched, rolling over in her bed to see that Clarissa was still sleeping beside her. "Mrs. Standish?" She whispered, nudging her awake. "Thank you, for staying with me."

Clarissa smiled, pulling the child close to her for the morning cuddles she missed so much. "You can call me mom if you want to."

"Why does John call you mom?" She asked, suddenly curious about John's unusual habits.

Clarissa chuckled, listening as John started to sing in the living room with Miss Wilder as she coached him to get his power back. "That's his way of accepting people as his family, it's also his way of kicking them out of his life… he doesn't call your birth parents mom and dad, he calls them by their names, Jacob and Beverly."

Phoebe nodded, relaxing against Clarissa's chest. "John said he'll stay with me when I'm in court."

Clarissa sighed, remembering how Jacob had pulled a shiv on his son and been close to killing him. "That's good."

* * *

Claire tightened John's tie, biting her lip in fear as she caught sight of the scar from his father's shiv. "Don't get hurt again…" She touched his cheek, noticing how soft his jaw was when it was freshly shaved.

He bowed his head to kiss her, lifting her off of the ground and twirling her in a circle. "I won't." He smiled, letting her hold his hips between her thighs as she looked into his eyes.


	233. Chapter 233

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Three**

Phoebe pulled at the hem of her dress, looking over to John as he placed an arm over the back of her chair. "Were you scared?" She asked, noticing how he glared at her adoptive parents with pitch-black eyes.

He bent toward her, whispering in her ear. "I was, but Jacob pulled a shiv on me. I don't see anything on Howard's person, though."

Kemp gave a snake-like sneer, calling Phoebe to the stand. "Miss. White, is it true that your parents adopted you at birth?"

She nodded, looking Kemp in the eyes as she answered. "Yes Sir."

"Have you ever used any substances such as alcohol, or illegal drugs?" He barely got the sentence out before John shot to his feet.

"I object!" He shouted, stepping toward his sister. "She's eleven. She doesn't even know where to find that shit."

Kemp laughed, looking between the siblings. "Miss. White, is this your biological father?"

She shook her head, gripping John's pinky finger as he offered his hand to her. "He's my brother."

"I would have had to be Seven when she was born, Kemp. And as I've told you before, I am a virgin." He looked up at the judge, begging for Phoebe to be released.

The judge nodded, noticing how Phoebe was starting to shake with fear. "Mr. Bender, how much do you know about this case?" She asked, praying that he could give them the information that they needed to close the case.

"Enough to put them in the can." He stated, letting Phoebe rush back to the table with Thomas. He grabbed the bible from the stand, handing it to Kemp and placing his left hand on it and raising his right. "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth with God as my witness." The words came like breathing to him, and for the first time in his life he didn't mind being sworn in.

Kemp glared at him, lighting into him with all sorts of questions.

* * *

"Why would Beverly adopt one child out but not the other?" Kemp asked, finally becoming irritated with John as he always seemed to have the right answer.

"Because that bitch told us that Phoebe was aborted." He snapped, leaning forward in his seat as a way to show Kemp that he wasn't scared. "If she hadn't told us that, Phoebe would be even more abused than she was. Fuck! She might even be dead by now. Jacob was a Psychopath! If I'd stayed there any longer, I wouldn't have made it to my graduation."

Kemp slammed his hand down on the stand in front of John, sick of his smart mouth. "So, your father never signed the papers?" He asked, barely missing the flash of yellow in John's eyes.

John growled, baring his teeth like a wild dog. "No." He stated, giving a small whistle to keep Chance at bay.

Thomas stood, letting John down from the stand and calling Phoebe's adoptive parents up. "Mr. White, Phoebe has lived with my family for some time now… and my wife, daughter, and her brother have all seen the marks left on her by you and your wife, and Johnathan knows personally the marks of abuse, he has identified her scars and bruises as marks of that act." He handed a copy of the photos from John's case, and another of Phoebe's, in front of the judge. "As you can see, they match, John was only abused far worse."

Phoebe touched John's hand, not missing how his eyes had lightened with fear. "Thank you."

* * *

John sat in the lunch room with his family, picking at his food until a cop's voice echoed over the speakers. "All United States Police, there is an escaped convict from Chicago's detention center, middle aged male, brown hair, brown eyes, buff build, and is wanted under the charge of severe child abuse. He has escaped, with the help of several other men and one woman by the name of Beverly Gina Bender. These two, leaders of the group, are married and under the same charges."

John's head snapped over to where Kemp was sitting with his wife and newborn child, fight instantly boiling in his chest. "You fucking prick!" He screamed, marching over to Kemp and shoving him into the wall. "You sent my DNA tests in to him. You helped a psychopath escape!"


	234. Chapter 234

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Four**

Kemp glared at the teen, standing to his full height —which was still several inches shorter than John even when he was slouching. "How do you know I sent a test to your father?"

"He's not my dad." John growled, balling his fists at his sides. "And if he was planning this shit again, he wouldn't bring Beverly. He'd do it for himself. That's all he thinks about. That test, gave him the idea to take more people with him." He grit his teeth, ignoring the pain of his wisdom teeth in the back of his jaw until the inflamed gums started to bleed. "I told you. He's a psychopath, and that test, means he's coming for me and my sister."

Kemp chuckled, looking at the small amount of blood on the boy's lips. "He never signed the adoption papers; therefore, Phoebe was never legally adopted and is Jacob's child and belongs in his custody until the papers are made official."

John's eyes turned to pitch-black, making Kemp move back with the sudden change. "I swear to God… if he gets his hands on my sister, I'm coming after you."

* * *

Claire moved to touch John on the ride home, stopping when he shot her a look from the corner of his eye. "Sugar-"

"No." He snapped, his lip curling in disgust at the thought of Jacob in the open. "I don't want to hear it."

Thomas barely had time to put the car in park before John was bolting for his garage, leaving his blazer and dress shirt on the driveway. "Leave him." He ordered, taking the women of his portion of the family inside where he hoped they wouldn't hear John's fists hitting the heavy bag. "He's not safe right now."

Claire looked at her parents, biting her lip with fear. "Do… do you think… do you think he's having a flashback?" She always found it difficult to tell when he still responded to what was happening in the present, it wasn't like the ones where he was completely in the past.

Thomas nodded, meeting Clarissa's eyes as John screamed in frustration and anger. "We were afraid of this one… we knew he'd have it eventually, but we didn't know what would trigger it." He squeezed his daughter's hand, pushing his own emotions back as he thought of the tortured things going through John's head. "Don't go to him unless he comes to you for a while… he's scared, and if he's surprised, he could cause some serious harm." He thought back to when John was a bag of bones, so skinny that he was almost a skeleton. "He's not skinny and weak anymore. He's almost all muscle… and if he can cause the damage I've seen him cause when he's not panicking, I don't want to see what he can do when he is."

Claire nodded, rushing up to John's room where she could snuggle into his bed and be surrounded by even just his smell. "Please don't come for him…" She whispered, praying that Jacob wouldn't find them.


	235. Chapter 235

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Five**

After hours of beating his fists and legs into his heavy bag, John's hands were so swollen and cracked that he had no choice but to go into the house. He slumped into a stool at the counter, tearing a paper towel off of the roll and dabbing it over his bleeding knuckles. "Fuck…" He hissed, looking at the red that stained the paper. He squinted as the light was flipped on, looking up to see that Claire was standing in the doorway. "What?" He asked, the sweat that was covering his body shimmering in the light.

Claire opened the freezer, pulling out a handful of ice cubes and placing them in a bowl. "Give me your hands." She ordered, taking his bruised, swollen fingers in her hand and rubbing the ice over the wounds.

John hissed, flinching slightly as the cold got into the splits in his skin. "Fucking hell…"

Claire sighed, wiping his hands clean of blood and water. "Mom was thinking, that maybe you and Phoebe… should go to Dominic and Jade's for a while. Just until Jacob is caught."

He shook his head, gripping her hands as tightly as his damaged fingers would allow. "I can't let him get to you." He leaned forward, tenderly kissing her lips. "I can't risk it."

She licked her lips, able to taste the salt of his sweat on her skin. "I don't want you to get hurt again…" She whispered, brushing his hair out of his face until she could clearly see the exhaustion in his eyes. "Come on, let's go to bed."

He nodded, slowly standing until his head started to spin. He fell into Claire, waiting for his vision to return before he continued.

"What's wrong?" She asked, watching as he blinked to clear his vision.

He pushed himself up, looking at the lemons that Dana kept on had to build up Andy's electrolytes after practice. "I think I pushed it too far…"

She filled a glass of water, squeezing some lemon juice into it like she'd seen Dana do before she handed it to him. "Here. See if this helps." She watched as he downed the whole glass, in a matter of seconds. "let's get you to bed."

* * *

Phoebe listened to John's powerful voice as he sang into his microphone in his room, listening as he strummed on his acoustic guitar.

"Before Eighteen

There was once a boy  
who carried his hopes  
and dreams in a suitcase  
and his wounds over his body.

Trapped in nightmares at home,  
he seeks solace on the streets.  
Living shadows reach out to  
embrace the kindred spirit.

A hard life lived since emerging  
from the womb. Trying to fit a  
lifetime into one day because,  
Who knows if you'll die before eighteen

There was was once a girl  
who carried her parents'  
cruel words in her heart and  
their hits across her skin.

Each day was Hell on Earth, although  
she learned not to cry. One night she  
ran into the street. Living shadows reached  
out to embrace her. Allowing her to cry.

The boy and girl became family.  
They now have hope. They now  
have a future. They no longer fear  
dying before eighteen."

She pushed his door open slightly, biting her lip as she saw the wet tears rolling down his cheeks. She sank to the floor, leaning on the doorframe as John's voice faded and he let quiet sobs escape his throat.

"Phoebe, what are you doing?" Kaylie asked, kneeling down beside her and peeking into John's bedroom.

Phoebe looked up at the blonde, noticing that she didn't have her glasses on. "He's sad." She whispered, watching as John tucked his knees up against his chest and let his guitar fall to the floor as he bowed his head to his legs.

Kaylie shook her head, remembering the wounds she'd seen on his body, and trying to not think of the ones she hadn't. "He's not sad, Firefly, he's scared… Jacob and Beverly… did a lot of horrible stuff to him. He's afraid that they'll do it to you if they find you." She hugged the child close to her chest, rocking her back and forth as John began to cough and choke on his tears.


	236. Chapter 236

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Six**

Phoebe gripped John's hand as they walked to the ice cream shop, biting her tongue to keep from asking him about his past. She looked up as him as his hand tightened around hers, touching his side as his breath shortened and he stopped in his tracks. "What's wrong?" She asked, screaming as John shoved Amelia into Brian's arms and pushed them into the hedges at their left. "John!"

John's body went rigid, making him fall to the concrete in a plank position. He grunted as the electricity forced his body to seize, gasping when the electricity stopped. His vision faded in and out, the muffled screams of his sister barely reaching his ears as strong hands pulled him to his feet and shoved him into what he could only assume was a car, before his vision left him and he was plunged into darkness.

* * *

Brian rushed Amelia home, shoving the door open and screaming for the family to come quick. "Guys! Jacob! Beverly!" He gasped, remembering the loud clicking of the taser and Phoebe's screams of terror.

Mary gripped his shoulders, trying to calm him enough to get information they needed from him. "Brian, what happened?"

Brian choked on his words, a panic attack gripping him as his heart raced with the fear for his friend's life. "Jacob… Beverly… took, took them."

* * *

John groaned as he woke, the world fuzzing in and out as he pushed himself up from the freezing concrete he was laying on. "Phoebe?" He moaned, blinking the haze from his eyes as he looked around the small eight by eight room he was stuck in. "Sis?" He coughed as his throat protested the words, slowly building the strength to move about his prison.

He jumped as the door flew open, his eyes flashing to pure gold when he saw his father before him.

"Hello, son." He sneered, reaching for John's throat and closing his fingers around his neck. "Long time, no see."

John choked for air, clawing at Jacob's hands until he threw him toward the wall. "Get cleaned up. We're leaving town in ten minutes and I don't want a hobo in my new car."

John gasped for air, gagging until bile came up, leaving him weakened from exhaustion and confusion. "Fuck… you…" He breathed, coughing until he was able to regain his wits. He picked up a needle from his sewing kit that he kept in his boot, carving the symbol that the club had come up with, the image of a B and a C carved together to show where they were into the brick walls on his prison. "I'm alive." He whispered, clinging to the memory of Claire's face like a lifeline in the river Stix. "I just have to say alive for one more day." He tenderly touched the bruising spots on his neck, the feeling of Jacob's hard hands still burning like acid on his skin. "Just survive until you can get back home."

* * *

Clarissa shoved into the police station, marching up to the counter. "I demand to see the chief." She ordered, glaring at Leon as he walked past. "My son and daughter were kidnapped."

Leon barked a laugh, leaning on the counter. "Don't bother Sandy, kids are probably dead in a ditch somewhere from an overdose on meth or heroine."

Clarissa screamed in rage, barely letting Thomas hold her back as she looked at the slime-ball. "My children are missing! It's your job to help me find them!" She tried to push her tears back failing when she turned to Thomas and weakly beat her fists against his chest. "I can't lose another child…" She sobbed.


	237. Chapter 237

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Seven**

Beverly watched as John held Phoebe to his chest, noticing how he snarled like a wolf at anyone who came near them. She slowly approached them, offering John a small bowl of rabbit stew that Jacob had forced her to make. "Johnny-" She stopped as his black eyes landed on her, fighting the fear in her chest as his muscles flexed and rippled under his skin. She could see where his clothes had been torn and the red marks where Jacob had slapped him and punched him. "Please… eat." She moved to hand the bowl to him, her heart breaking when he hugged his sister even closer to his chest. "You need to keep your strength up." She remembered how skinny he'd been a few months ago, surprised at how strong and healthy he seemed now.

He glared at her, nodding her closer. "I'm not letting go of my sister. And she eats before I do." He stated, taking the bowl from Beverly and holding the rim to Phoebe's lips and letting her slowly sip the broth. "Why are you helping me?" He asked, gently wiping a tear from Phoebe's cheek before he downed a puny portion of the stew for himself.

"Because, I don't want to be the woman I was before." She moved to touch him, drawing back when he moved away from her. "I know… that you don't see me as your mother anymore, but please, give me a chance."

"Go fuck yourself." He growled, laying down on the dirt of their little camping spot just on the edge of the US border between California and Mexico. "If you wanted to help us, you would untie me from this Goddamn tree and let us go home." He pulled at the rope around his neck, trying to not let the old thing cut into his skin.

Beverly waited until most of the men were asleep, sneaking over to John and Phoebe to drape a moth-eaten blanket over their shivering forms. "Please forgive me." She whispered, brushing John's bangs back from his eyes as he slept.

* * *

John jerked awake, panic gripping him as he noticed that Phoebe was no longer safe in his arms. "Phoebe?" He called, moving to stand until the rope around his neck choked him and pulled him down. He coughed, gagging as the rope choked him. "Phoe-be." He croaked, jumping back when a big thug sidled up to John and started to undo his belt.

"Pretty little fucker, aren't you?" He gripped John's jaw in his hand, able to feel where his gums where swollen in the back of his mouth. "Can take dick, can't you?" He moved his other hand down toward John's groin, screaming when John's fist collided with his balls. "You little fucker!" He screamed, tightening the rope until John's lips started to turn blue.

Jacob pushed the thug back, untying the rope from his son's throat to let him breathe. "Ben, go finish cooking breakfast. I'll take care of my son." He cupped John's cheek in his hand, combing his finger's through his hair as he gasped for breath. "Shh… it's alright John… you're okay."

John gagged, shutting his eyes tight against Jacob's soft touch, waiting for it to turn harsh and painful. "Please, let me go."

Jacob chuckled, lifting John to his feet and shoving him toward the car. "I've got big plans for you son, we're gonna make a mint with your talent and my smarts." He pushed John into the car, watching as he scrambled to get to his sister. "Just you wait and see. Once we're in Mexico, the world will be ours."


	238. Chapter 238

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Eight**

Claire hugged Chance close as she cried, terrified that she would never see John again. Ever since Jacob had taken him, she'd felt lost; like a compass with no magnet to guide her. "His birthday is next week…" She whispered, reaching for his journal and flipping through the pages.

Fate

One day eyes meet across a room,  
souls connect even if first words are  
harsh. Boundaries broken down and  
constant challenges met.

Differences and similarities found,  
secrets revealed. Two groups brought  
together by fate, we became family by choice.  
We walk this road, living through good and bad.

New friends and family members enter  
our lives. Hope and dreams discussed  
and realized. We ride the waves of life.  
I guess we were born under mix signs.

Yes, we walk down life's road,  
writing our own stories. Our lives  
and voices blend together until new  
paths branch off, providing new choices.

While our scars shape our past,  
they shouldn't mar our future.  
History's pages have been written,  
yet blank pages wait to be filled

Hearts unlocked and love taught to  
those unused to warmth and tenderness.  
The search for one's soulmate, a question  
asked by humankind since the dawn of time.

She touched her fingertips over his neat handwriting, trying to dry her tears as they began to drip onto the paper. "Please stay alive…"

* * *

John shushed Phoebe as she sobbed into his chest, closing his eyes as he bowed his head so that his lips were right next to her ear. "Hush little baby, don't say a word, Momma's gonna buy to a mocking bird…" He thought of Clarissa, almost able to feel her fingers combing his hair back when he was in pain. "And if that mocking bird won't sing, Papa's gonna buy to a diamond ring…" He remembered Thomas, all the disagreements they'd had, all the times they'd butted heads, but also all the times they'd spent together. The afternoon they'd spent fishing over on Lake Michigan, all the times that he'd crawled into Thomas and Clarissa's bed when he couldn't sleep, the few times he'd actually caught him crying after a relapse. "And-"

"Shut up!" Ben snarled, striking out at John until Jacob gripped his wrist in his hand.

"Don't. That voice, will make us millions." He smiled, and John couldn't help but think of a Disney villain in an animation. "And if it doesn't, we'll always have that fight."

 **Thanks HMG2000 for the poem! I love your work!**


	239. Chapter 239

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Thirty-Nine**

Clarissa flipped through the school yearbooks, running her fingers over every photo of John that she could find, watching as he seemed to grow up far quicker than he ever should have. The first photo, was taken when he would have been five, his smile was so wide that she thought he might break his face. The next one, was first grade, and the change was like a bomb had exploded, his eyes were cold, his smile more of a scowl than anything else and he only seemed to become more and more angry, and murderous with each passing year.

She wiped her face as someone knocked on her bedroom door, drying her tears and looking up to see Thomas in the doorway. "Anything?" She asked, dying to know if the law had found John and Phoebe or even had an idea of where they could be.

He bit his lip, taking her hands and sitting beside her on their bed. "They think… that they're in Mexico. They're looking all along the highways and they've found one small clue." He showed her a photo, the B and C symbol barely noticeable in the concrete of the warehouse. "John's signal."

* * *

John grunted as Jacob's boot collided with his back, slowly opening his dark eyes and looking around the small room. The walls were covered with stucco, the floor covered in dirt and other foul things. He'd found a dead mouse the night before, and despite the fact that he knew it would be riddled with diseases, he'd skinned it and gutted what he could with only his fingers and eaten what he could before he'd become sick and thrown everything up.

"Get up." Jacob barked, his brow furrowing when he caught sight of a familiar mark on John's lower back. "What's this?" He asked, yanking his son's tattered shirt over his head to reveal every scar on his body. "They got you, didn't they?" He pulled John to his feet, shoving his face into the wall and leaning close to his ear and hissing into his mind. "Did you swallow it, like a good little cum slut? Or did you try to fight until they had to choke you?"

John growled, his muscles tightening against his father's grip. "I fought." He growled, wincing as his father's fingers tightened on his wrist. Jacob was stronger now, his beer gut having nearly disappeared over the months. "I fought with everything in me."

He gave a dry chuckle, reaching his free hand around John's hips, his fingers playing with the zipper on his jeans just to cause fear to course through his son. "You're a little faggot slut." He spat, hitting John with a hard fist over the head and making him fall to the floor. He kicked dirt at his son, spitting at his still form before he marched from the room and locked the door.

* * *

John crawled to the one spot he'd found in the room that actually seemed to be warm, his body broken and bruised from his father's abuse. He tensed as something fiddled with the lock on his door, praying that he wouldn't have to take anymore pain for the day. "Please, don't let them in…" He whispered, his body collapsing on the floor with relief when he saw the frizzy hair of his sister and her tiny build open the door. "Phoebe… thank God…" He closed his eyes as her small hand pressed against his cheek, fighting back his tears of joy at her touch. "Thank you…"

She bent down, carefully kissing his cheek and moving to cuddle up to his shivering icy body. "I missed you…" She mumbled, wrapping her tiny coat around his shoulder as an attempt to keep him warm.


	240. Chapter 240

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty**

Phoebe bit her lip when John's shaking didn't stop or slow, knowing that he would hate her decision. She pulled her t-shirt over her head, pressing the skin of her little belly below her training bra to his body, praying that the heat would pass from her to him and keep him comfortable. "I love you brother…" She whispered, yelping when harsh hands gripped her arms and pulled her away from her brother. "Let me go!" She shrieked, grinning as John's body moved in a blur, one moment he'd been curled on the ground, and the next his strong hands were wrapped around the man's neck.

"Drop her, Ben." He growled, pushing his sister behind him and shoving Ben back into the wall until he's close enough to cause real pain. He bared his teeth, showing off the sharpness of his canine's and growling like a wolf. "I don't give a fuck what you do to me, but if you touch my sister again, you'll find yourself with the worlds shortest dick." He brought his knee up between Ben's legs, making the older man cry out in pain, before he pushed Phoebe to go back to her place.

Jacob was in the room in seconds, a length of rope in his hands. "You son of a bitch." He sighed, gripping John's wrists as two other thugs force the teen to the ground. He pulled the ropes tight around John's arms, making sure it won't come loose anytime soon before he rigged the hemp to a hook in the ceiling and pulled John's feet from the ground. "Try to cause fuckery like that." He ran his hand over the lettering burned into his son's side, an evil grin sliding over his face at the way the muscles in his sides tensed. He pulled his hand away, slapping the palm of his hand onto his skin eliciting a small cry from the boy. "Remember what I told you? You belong to me, and nothing you do can change that."

* * *

Claire pulled at the sleeves of John's hoodie, tucking her nose into the collar and breathing his scent that was nearly washed out of the garment.

Toby and a few of she and John's mutual friends walked with her, attempting to grant her some kind of comfort. "How are you?" Toby asked, not daring to touch her in anyway out of respect for John.

"I just want to know where he is…" She choked, burying her face into his chest to seek any comfort she could. "Or at least know that he's still alive…"

* * *

Dominic screamed, letting his fists fly into the wall with frustration. He crouched on the carpeting, cupping his head in his bloody hands as he sobbed. "Come back to me, you little shit…"

* * *

John groaned as the ropes started to cut into his arms, stretching his toes toward the floor in hopes to somehow relieve the pressure on his arms and wrists. Blood ran down his body, the red liquid sticky against his ribs. He let silent tears flow down his cheeks, trying to move as little as possible to avoid pain. He was reminded of the night he'd been raped, how he'd been forced to not move in fear that his balls would be squeezed until they popped like balloons.

His head snapped up as the doorknob giggled, squinting as the light was flipped on to show that it was Jacob and a blond who he didn't remember the name to. "Please… please, Sir. Let me down now…" He hated the words that left his mouth, but he hated the slow, burning cuts worse.

Jacob ran his hand over John's waist, tenderly kissing his ribs and abs before he sliced the rope. "I want him ready to fight by morning." He snapped, placing his boot over John's head and pushing his face into the dirt floor.

The blond nodded, waiting until Jacob was out of the room in fear that the sounds of pain from John would make his temper flare up even more. "I'm Hans." He smiled, helping the teen sit up so that he could examine the wounds in his skin. "I'm… I was… a medic, before…"

John blinked the dirt from his eyes, letting Hans disinfect the cuts in his skin. "John…" He sighed, wincing as the disinfectant burned.


	241. Chapter 241

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-One**

Kaylie laid in her bed, numb from the terror of what could be happening to John coursing through her mind. She had barely moved in days, and Jan had been calling the school to tell them that she was sick.

"He's alright, Child." The voice again. It echoed through her room, causing her to bolt into a sitting position. "Do not be afraid."

"God?" She asked, the image of a young man shimmering before her.

He chuckled, placing his scarred hand on hers. "He's my father. And yours as well." He kissed her forehead, drying her tears with soft hands. "John will be okay. He's still breathing and alive."

She nodded, feeling that weight lift from her shoulders as they talked.

* * *

John started to wrap his hands, jumping when Jacob pulled the cotton from him. "Hey, I need those!" He reached for the yellowed fabric, trying to ignore the blood stains on the borrowed things.

"A real fighter doesn't worry about their hands." He shoved John toward the ring, stopping when Beverly and a couple that John remembered from the music store approached him.

Beverly nodded to the wrappings, laying gentle hands on her husband's wrists. "If he damages his hands, he can't play his guitar."

The other man nodded, tightening his tie. "The music will bring more profit than a fight."

Jacob growled, tossing the wraps at John and letting him wrap his hands and knuckles up. "I expect a good fight, Bastard." He spat, running his fingers up the back of John's head and pulling on his long hair. "Or else I'll sell you to a whore house and let fags take you every night."

John swallowed, giving a slow nod before he was pushed into the dirt ring. He looked up at his opponent, fear swelling in his chest at the sheer size of him. He was huge, arms as big around as tree trunks, and legs like iron bars.

The guy lunged at him as soon as the bell rang, giving John the perfect chance to find his tell. He favored his left hip, probably an old injury from a fight long ago.

John sidestepped him, using his advantage of a fully healed leg and his speed and agility to swing his body around and land a good blow to the liver. He followed with an uppercut, breaking the guys jaw with a sickening crunch.

* * *

Asher lifted a bag of concrete and handed to his men on the ground, wiping the sweat from his brow as he squinted up at the sun that was beating down on him. He could feel a sunburn starting on his shoulders, and he couldn't help but wish he had the Greek blood that John did. That kid seemed to never burn, but only become even more tanned with each hour in the sun.

Roger leaned on the bed of the truck, knowing darn well that his boss was worried about something. "Bender." He moved the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other. "What's going on? You've been out on the sites more than usual."

Asher shook his head, pulling a bandana from his pocket and scrubbing it over his face. "We're shorthanded, I just wanted to do what I can." He lied, the words like a blow to his gut as he fibbed to his best-friend.


	242. Chapter 242

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Two**

Phoebe watched in horror as John took hit after hit to his already battered body, biting her lip until she tasted blood. She knew that John had to be feeling tremendous amounts of pain, the blood flowing from his nose and a split lip were sure signs of it, but he acted as if he never felt it. Even when he took hits to the kidneys and stomach he never flinched or let up on his opponent. "John!" She cried as a new wound opened on his cheekbone, watching as red life flowed from his skin.

John ignored her, aware that not only his life but hers as well, depended on him winning. He faked a left hook, sweeping his leg under the brute and pinning him before he could blink.

The bell rang, signaling that the match was over. "Chico Demonio wins again!" Cheered the MC, lifting John's arm above his head.

John's body shook his exhaustion, his world starting to fade in and out until he was led out of the ring and was taken to the back room, where he proceeded to collapse onto a pile of sweat and blood-soaked towels. He attempted to recover without anyone seeing him, the pain so great that he felt as if he were halfway dead before Phoebe's hands brought him some comfort and helped him to drink the water he desperately needed. "Thank you…" He rasped, his throat parched from the dry air of the Mexican desert being forced in and out of his lungs.

* * *

Chance whined at the door to the garage, laying her head on her paws as she waited for her master to come home.

Clarissa patted her on the back, offering one of her favorite snacks —a piece of jerky from John's snack stash— to her. "Come on, Queenie. Dad won't be home for a while." She sighed as the Pit Bull refused the treat, biting her lip as she sat on the grass beside the dog. "I miss him too."

* * *

Beverly snuck into John's tiny room, a bowl of chicken broth in her hands. She knelt beside him, gently nudging him awake and offering a spoonful to him. "Here, you need to keep your strength up."

He waited for a moment, as if he didn't quite have his wits about him yet. "Did Phoebe eat?" He asked, waiting for a nod before he took the food. "Thank you." He took the nutrients in slowly, letting his stomach adjust to being full again after days of emptiness.

Beverly smiled, able to see that the fight from his father's side was still shining in his eyes. "Let that Cherokee show, show them that you're not going to lay down and take this." She touched his swollen cheek, looking into those eyes that seemed to always change color. "Fight them."

He took another spoon of broth, exhausted from the fights. "If I fight back, they'll kill you and Phoebe." He noticed that they'd been trying to use Phoebe as a tool on him, keeping her away until he obeyed their commands and letting him see her for a few moments as a reward. "I can't let them do that."

* * *

Jessica glared at Claire as she walked the halls of the school, trying to hide her own fear for John's safety. She'd seen the scars on his legs and a few on his hips when she'd attempted to bribe him to be with her, and she knew that his father was a cruel man.

* * *

Thomas read over everything he could find on Jacob and Beverly, even going deep into John's own criminal files despite the fact he knew he wouldn't like what was inside. "Linked to murder?" He read over the lines again, looking at the image of the victim's sliced feet and the other wounds on his body. "Kaylie Rebecka!" He called remembering how she'd talked about the man who'd tried to rape her.

Kaylie opened the door to his office, looking at the files. "Yeah?"

Thomas pointed to the man in the case files. "Is this the man who tried to rape you?"

She nodded, looking at the word 'murder' on the paper. "Yeah…" She remembered John, his hands clamped like jaws around the guy's neck, his knife flashing as he'd sliced his feet. "John did the shit on his feet and the bruises around his neck are from him, but he was still alive when he took me home."

* * *

John rocked himself on the floor of his room, hugging himself tight and squeezing his eyes shut against the memory. "Not real… it's not real… you, you're… okay…" He jumped to his feet as the strong scent of cooking grease and fried liver and onions. "Fuck off Ben…" He snapped, as the door was closed behind the cook.

"How the hell did you know it was me?" He asked, closing his fingers over the vial of holy water in his hand.

"I can smell you." John stated, circling around Ben and baring his teeth. "Like liver and onions, mixed with overdue oil in a fryer."

Ben made a cross with his fingers over his head shoulders and heart. "You're one fucked up kid…" He hissed, his eyes drifting down to the black and blue marks on the kid's ribs and sides.

"Leave." John ordered, slinking closer to the pedophile as his eyes changed to absolute black.

Ben rushed from the room, an odd feeling settling over him as the kid looked at him.


	243. Chapter 243

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Three**

Jacob smiled as John limped his way into the tiny living room, noticing that he was favoring his right side. "You've got a tell showing." He smirked, opening a beer and offering it to his champion. "Here, drink it away."

John shook his head, pushing the bottle away as he watched a lizard scurry across the wall. "I don't drink anymore." He rasped, his voice nearly gone from the air that seemed to burn his throat.

Jacob shook his head pouring a shot of tequila and sliding it across the coffee table to him. "You used to down more tequila and vodka than I'd ever seen any man do in one sitting." He grinned as John looked away from the drink, moving to sit beside him on the sofa. "Take it, Son. You'll fight better without the pain." He placed the glass in John's hand, lifting the shot to just below his nose. "Just one drink…"

John inhaled the sweet scent of the drink, swallowing as he thought of Claire and their future passed through his mind. "I don't want it." He croaked, forcing himself to stay strong.

Jacob chuckled, able to see the tint of blue in his eyes that always showed that his son wanted something. "I can see you want it. That demon inside of you screams it with every blink of your eyes." He gripped John's jaw in his hand, forcing him to open his mouth and pouring half of what was left in the bottle down his throat. "I want you to be at your best tonight. That means you can't have a tell."

* * *

Amelia pushed John's bedroom door open, crawling under his weighted blanket and burying herself in what she could of him. She let Chance cuddle up to her, scratching her ear as Pop Tart the kitten laid on her shoulder and began to purr in her ear. "I miss him…" She whimpered, wiping a tear from her cheek.

* * *

John wrapped his hands for the second time that week, glaring at Jacob as he shoved Beverly against the wall and ripped her pants off of her hips to force himself on her.

Ben moved toward John, yanking John's hair back as he began to play with himself. "How about a little orgy?" He grinned, forcing John to kiss him until John's teeth sank into his lip. "You fucking dick!" He screamed, wiping the blood from his lips as John growled like a dog.

"Chico Demonio!" Cheered the MC of the fights, giving John the signal to fight. "Demon of the United States! Blood fighter! Killer of Giants!"

John growled, he hated the names they'd given him. They were everything he'd run from since finding Claire, and now, they were making them a part of him. He rolled his shoulders, loosening the muscles to get maximum power from his swings.

* * *

Timothy smirked, closing in on the redhead at her locker. "Claire." He leaned on John's locker, nodding to the writing on the blue metal. "You really think he's still alive?" He asked, noticing that the t-shirt she was wearing used to be one of the singer's favorites. "I mean, if the cops can't find him after a week, he's probably dead in a ditch."

She glared at him, shoving him away from her and turning to go to her class. "He's alive. I can feel it." Her heart ached, but it wasn't the ache of death, but the ache of loneliness. John had once told her, that the Greek god of death Thanatos would change that feeling if your loved one died, and if your love was strong enough, that he would take you as well. "I'll never give up on him. He can fight his way back to me."


	244. Chapter 244

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Four**

Phoebe tried to look away as John fought, covering her eyes as he took a hard hit to the ribs. She knew that he'd taken hard hits there last time, and it seemed like with every hit he became more protective. She'd never seen him fight like this, he was using moves from the competitions at school, but he was also using some that she'd never seen before. "John!" She screamed as he stumbled against the chains that lined the ring, able to see blood where the poorly made links had cut into his bare flesh. She gripped Jacob's sleeve, tears gathering in her eyes. "Please, make it stop." She begged, knowing that John had been taking beatings for her.

Jacob pushed her away, smiling at the cheers for John when he started a more aggressive attack. "I want my money, if I make him stop the fight, I'll lose the cash I've been feeding you with."

Beverly forced herself to not show worry for her son as he took blow after blow to his body.

Blood pooled on the arena floor, sweat mixing with the crimson as John took down man after man, until Jacob saw that he was failing and pulled him from the fights before he lost the thousands of pesos that he'd gained from John's wild behavior. "Don't blow this shit." He growled in John's face, roughly wiping the blood from under his nose and his lips. "I didn't let a little bastard like you live under my roof for eighteen years for nothing." He gripped John's arm, able to feel his muscles shaking with fatigue. "I fed you, I clothed you, I kept you safe, and out of the rain; I expect all of that effort back, paid in full."

John nodded, falling as Beverly pushed Jacob back. "He can't go any longer, Jake." She glanced at her son, biting her lip when Phoebe cradled his head on her lap. "He's human. He needs a rest once in a while."

Jacob glared at his son, slapping Beverly across the cheek and kicking John in the side before he marched away from them.

* * *

John curled on his side, watching as a scorpion skittered across the dirt of his floor. He sat up, pouncing after the insect and catching it by the venom spine of its tail. He pinched the venom gland off of the bug, crushing its head under a rock before he lifted it to his mouth. "I've eaten worse…" He shrugged, crunching the exoskeleton in his jaws.

He coughed, spiting some of the bug onto the dirt as he choked on it. "Fuck…" He gasped for air, jumping as thunder rumbled outside.

He looked up at his ceiling, noticing that the roof was leaking. He stood, grabbing a rock and tossing it up at the crack he'd spotted. He smiled as the water flowed quicker, rushing over to the small stream. He cupped his hands under the water, drinking it in as fast as he could.

* * *

Dominic rested his head on his arm, placing his hand on Jade's stomach where his child was slowly growing inside of her. "Uncle John will be home soon." He sighed, his body and mind mentally exhausted from the worry for his cousin.

Jade kissed his cheek, gently trailing down his neck and behind his ear. "He'll be okay. He'll find a way to get back to us."

* * *

Claire leaned on John's windowsill, breathing the scent of the ocean and letting the wind blow her hair back. "How the hell did we wind up like this Why weren't we able To see the signs that we missed Try and turn the tables I wish you'd unclench your fists And unpack your suitcase Lately there's been too much of this But don't think it's too late Nothing's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it alright but not right now…" She lifted her face to the moon, finding comfort in the thought that wherever John was, he was looking at the same moon. "I miss you…"


	245. Chapter 245

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Five**

Phoebe snuck out of her room, quietly picking the lock on John's door and opening it. "John?" She whispered, stepping toward her brother's shivering body. "Here…" She laid a thin blanket over his body, laying down beside him and cuddling into his bare chest. She could feel the cuts in his skin, the warmth of the purple bruises under her fingers. "Hush little baby, don't say a word, momma's gonna buy-"

"You a mocking bird…" John smiled as he finished the lyrics, brushing a kiss to his sister's head as he held her close to his chest. "How are you, Mouse?"

She touched a lock of his hair, noticing that it'd gotten long enough to cover a good half-inch on his shoulders. "Can we go home soon?" She asked, running her finger over the split on his cheekbone and moving to the one on his lip.

"We'll be home in no time. We just need to wait until we have a clear shot." He wrapped the blanket around them both, tucking his nose into the moth-eaten fabric as he hummed to his little sister.

* * *

Claire smiled as John's lips caressed her neck, moaning as his calloused hands ran along her spine. Finally, finally, he was hers, and he was everything she'd ever hoped for. "I love you…" She breathed, letting his strong body push her into their bed as his skilled fingers undid every button on her blouse.

* * *

Claire jerked awake, looking around John's room desperate for anything to tell her it wasn't just a dream. "Fuck…" She cried, hanging her head in her hands as she shook from the memory of how John's face had seemed to fuzz in and out of focus.

* * *

Jacob grabbed John's hair, hauling him out from under the blanket and throwing him toward the bathroom. "Get cleaned up. We're going to town." He grabbed the dirty waistband of John's jeans, pulling them off of him until he was standing bare-naked in front of him. "Glad to see at least one part of you is mine." He sneered, shoving John into the ice-cold shower and forcing him to let him scrub his body down.

* * *

John popped his knuckles, picking at his food as Jacob spoke with the couple who'd bought them dinner. He'd been listening silently for the last few minutes, trying to see if there was any way he could get out of this hell without leaving Phoebe behind.

Beverly sipped on her water, fighting the vomit trying to come up. "Excuse me, I'll be right back." She rushed to the ladies' room, throwing up what she'd had in her stomach before she dared to pull out the test she'd been keeping in her pocket for the last hour. "No…" She gasped, the pink lines showing like a death warrant. "Oh God, please, no…"

* * *

Phoebe reached for her brother's hand, able to see that he was fighting against something inside. "John…" She smiled up at him, offering him one of her chips with some of his favorite hot sauce on it. "I put too much on it."

He took the chip from her, sticking it between his teeth and crunching it up before he swallowed. "Shit." He pressed a hand to his cheek, wincing as his wisdom teeth ached. "Sorry." He stated as Cinthia, and Dwain looked at him funny. "My wisdom teeth need taken out."

Dwain nodded, seeming to understand. "We can help with that." He smirked, sliding something across the table to him. "All you have to do, is sing for us, and we'll give you as much as you like." He placed the pill in John's hand, grinning as he saw a debate going on in his head. "May even help with your fights…"


	246. Chapter 246

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Six**

John shook his head, pushing to pill back toward Dwain. "No thanks. Wisdom teeth hurt, but not as bad as rehab."

Jacob grabbed John's wrist, forcing him to stand and hauling him away from the couple. "Take it." He slurred, the whiskey and beer obviously built up in his system. "Take it, or so help me, your demon of a sister won't make it to morning."

John nodded, dropping his gaze as Jacob's face changed to kindness. "Yes, Sir."

Jacob smiled, patting his shoulder as they walked back to the table. "Good boy."

* * *

Dwain settled in to his chair as John picked up a guitar, smiling at Beverly when she finally returned from the bathroom. "Is everything alright, Love?" He asked, noticing that she seemed a little pale.

"Yeah, just a little tired is all." She brushed her fingers through Phoebe's hair, listening to John's voice waft through the room.

"A hundred days have made me older Since the last time that I saw your pretty face. A thousand lies have made me colder And I don't think I can look at this the same. All the miles that separate Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face. I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight girl, it's only you and me. The miles just keep rollin' As the people leave their way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated But I hope that it gets better as we go. I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight, it's only you and me. Everything I know, and anywhere I go, It gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls, when its all said and done. It gets hard but it won't take away my love. I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight, it's only you and me." His voice echoed through the restaurant, tears coming to his eyes as he thought of Claire. He'd written that song when he'd been stuck in rehab, it was a song of love so strong that it would break you if you didn't have your loved one close.

Cinthia smiled, placing a paper in front of Jacob. "Sign this, and you'll be getting royalties from his voice for the next twenty years."

Jacob smiled signing the paper, and handing it back to them. "Pleasure doing business with you."

* * *

Phoebe pulled her jacket tighter around her body, glancing back at the house they were being kept at. "I'll be back soon, John." She bit her lip, brushing her fingers over the kitchen knife she'd swiped from the drawer. "I won't leave you."

* * *

John stood, limping over to the little barred slit of a window he had to look out of. He reached his hand toward the moon, remembering the porcelain glow of Claire's skin in the moonlight. "Mi Estrella…" He whispered, listening to the chain around his ankle jingle as he moved. "Pronto estaremos juntos otra vez…" He jumped as the door flew open, paling at the sight of the ropes in Jacob's hand.

Jacob grabbed John's arms, tying the ropes around his wrists and hauling him out to the yard. "Time to teach you and that bitch a lesson." He tied one end of the ropes to the steel pipes use for the clothes line, making sure that John's arms were spread out like wings so that he couldn't run away. "This is what happens, when little girls get it into their heads to be heroes." He brandished a horse whip, sneering as Ben held Phoebe by the hair and forced her to watch. Jacob laid the first lash across John's back, stepping toward his son as blood dripped from the cut. He leaned forward, licking the blood from his son's skin. "Don't scream, or your sister will be next." He hissed, laying more lashes across his back.

Phoebe screamed as tears spilled down her cheeks. "PLEASE!" She sobbed, fighting to get to her brother as his body went limp and fell on his knees. "STOP!"

Jacob grabbed a bottle of rum, pouring it onto the raw bleeding skin of John's back. "If you ever run again, I won't stop when he loses consciousness." He sliced the ropes holding John's arms, letting him fall into the dirt. "Hans. Clean him up. I want him fighting by tomorrow night."

Hans nodded, gathering John's limp body into his arms, and carrying him inside. He laid him on his stomach on top of the counter. "Sick bastard…" He sighed, rubbing some salve onto John's ripped up back, smiling as Beverly stepped in to help. "How the hell did you end up with that dick-wad?"

Beverly shook her head, placing a hand over her stomach and kissing John's cheek as he slept. "I'm pregnant…" She whispered, looking up at Hans with tears in her eyes. "I can't let this one feel that pain…"

He nodded, draping a clean t-shirt over John's back to help the cream soak in. "I'm sure we can find something. Maybe John's foster family will take it in. They seem to be good folks."

She took a white bandage wrap from him, wrapping John's wrists and hands where the ropes had cut into him. "I just hope that they'd take her, they've already got so many…"

Hans smiled, picking up a razor and some soap before he began shaving John's jaw. "If they won't, doesn't Jake have a brother?"

"He's in prison."

"No, I mean the other one." He cleaned the razor off, moving John's head around slightly to get every hair. "Asher… right?"

She nodded, picking up some scissors and trimming up John's hair. "He might take her." She kissed John's head, picking Phoebe up as she cried. "Shh… he'll be okay… I promise…"

"It's my fault!" She sobbed, clutching at John's hand. "I didn't mean for this!"

Beverly kissed her daughter's head, rocking her on their seat. "He'll be okay…"


	247. Chapter 247

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Seven**

John coughed as he started to come to, his fingers tracing over the rough canvas of a cot. "Where…" He blinked, his vision clearing to see that Hans was sitting beside him. "Where… am I?"

Hans chuckled, picking up a rage soaked with ice-water. "You're still in Hell." He placed the rag on John's inflamed back, pressing down on the back of his neck as he screamed. "Shh… it'll stop in a minute." He picked up a needle, poking it into one of the puss-filled blisters on John's back. "God, Jacob's a monster." He sighed, flushing the infection out before he began to scrub the scabs from his back.

John sobbed in pain, his hands gripping the sides of the cot with white knuckles. "Hurts…" He whimpered, letting Hans cover his body with a thin sheet.

He nodded, offering John a glass of water. "Did you keep that pill?" He asked, remembering the night before when they'd been keeping an eye on the dinner party.

John shook his head, his eyelids growing heavy as his body tried to force him into a coma to avoid the pain. "I don't want to go to rehab again…"

Hans patted John on the arm, knowing that Jacob would be pissed if he came in to check on John and he was still asleep. "Is that an engagement ring?" He asked, touching the ring on John's finger.

John smiled, twisting the band around his finger. "My Sweets got it for me…" He coughed, his head aching with his hunger.

He touched John's sides, able to feel that he was dropping weight. "We've gotta convince Jacob to give you something to eat." He plopped into his chair, rubbing his temples as fear for John's health and life filled his mind. "You can't keep on like this. And if he's planning to send you into a kill or be killed… you won't survive."

John's breathing changed, the labored breath that always showed when a person had to puke. "Garbage-" He didn't get to finish, gagging as the yellow bile in his gut came up and slid off of his tongue. He retched over and over, each time causing more harm than good.

"Relax, I got Jacob to give you a few days to recover."

John hacked for a moment, his body exhausted from the endless pain. "What day is it?" He asked, having lost track since he was kept to mostly one room.

"December Eighteenth." Hans stated, noticing that John was starting to act antsy —Like he had to go to the bathroom. "You need a hand there?"

John nodded, letting the older man help him to the little bathroom. "Thank you…"

* * *

Clarissa pulled on some combat boots from Kaylie's closet, pulling on a bullet-proof vest before she bolted for the FBI van that would take her to the air port where Asher was waiting with his helicopter. "Let's go get my son back." She smiled, taking a pistol from one of the young SWAT members. "Thank you… but I won't need it." She moved to hand it back to him, jumping when he pushed it back to her.

"It's just for emergencies. One of our guys said that the kids are in a kill or be killed fighting ring." He nodded to the vest. "That only protects you so much, if things go to hell, those kids are gonna run straight for mom and dad —safety— you and Tom are gonna be target number one, if you don't have something to protect yourself with, you're all fucked."

Clarissa nodded, looking at the larger guns on the walls of the van. "AR-15." She nodded to the riffle, ready to kick ass to save her family. "I want to do everything I can to get my babies back."


	248. Chapter 248

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Eight**

Jacob pushed the girl he'd come home with against the wall, sticking his tongue down her throat and his hand into her panties. "Quiero follarte hasta que no puedas caminar." He gasped, gripping the other girl's arm and shoving her into John's bedroom. "Get busy, Son!" He shouted, ripping the whore's clothing off and shoving her onto the sofa where he proceeded to bed her as if she were nothing but a toy to him.

The younger prostitute, hugged herself as she laid eyes on the blood in the dirt of the room. She couldn't see much since there was no light to speak of in the room, and all she could hear was a quite raspy breath from the darkest corner of the room. "Hello?" She asked, speaking in clear Spanish.

John coughed, pushing himself off of the cot and stepping into the glow of the moon. "Hey…" He wrapped a hand around his side, running a analysis on her. "Prostitution?" He asked, his Spanish perfect.

She nodded, taking in his beaten form and the way his muscles twitched and the hidden strength. "Yeah…" She pulled the clips from her hair, letting it cascade down her back and unclasping her lacey bra. "What is your pleasure, Sir?" She smiled, dropping the bra and pressing her bare breasts against his naked chest. "Roleplay? BDSM? Loud? Quiet? The choice is yours…"

John pulled her away from him, able to see hesitation in her eyes. "None. I don't want sex. And you don't either." He let her sit on his cot, listening as Jacob and his new toy started to get close to their climaxes. "So why do you do this?"

She bit her lip, unused to men actually caring about her. "I needed money for my family." She whispered, bowing her head in shame. "I want my sisters to be able to go to college like I wanted too."

He nodded, able to hear the all too familiar sound of Jacob's orgasm outside. "Listen, Jacob's never liked that I'm a virgin, but I have a fiancée and I won't cheat on her. If he thinks that I don't bang you, he'll kill my sister. So, this is what we can do." He pulled his boxers off, working a few broken pieces of stucco into a paste with a little bit of water and adding some of the nasty mouse guts to add a certain stink to it. "Smear this on the cot. Make it look like I ejaculated everywhere."

She nodded, knowing exactly how it looked when a guy was actually nice enough to pull out. "Then what?"

"I hate to say this, but get naked and crawl under the sheets." He poured the last of his water supply over his shoulders and his head, making it look like sweat. "Leave the acting to me, but remember that Jacob's a psychopath. If he asks you how I preform, tell him you keep it confidential with your clients."

She nodded, noticing that even though a typical man would instantly become hard at the sight of a naked woman in his bed, that John was still limp. "Thank you… for treating me like a human."

He nodded, letting her curl up with him. "People call me a demon, but I'm still human. It's just a matter of letting them see the real you." He relished in the warmth that had been denied to him for so long. "Thank you." He whispered, closing his eyes just so that he could pretend that he was with Claire.

"What for?" She asked, tracing one of the raised scabs on his back.

"I've been freezing my ass off for the better part of a month… it's just nice to be warm for a minute."

She smiled, holding him closer to give him even the smallest thing to enjoy. "I'm sorry your father is so horrible to you."

John jumped, closing his eyes half-way, adjusting his breath to sound labored as if he'd just let his balls be drained and he needed to recover from the deed. "Thanks… Dad…" He gasped, slipping his hand under the covers and pretending to play with himself and the girl.

Jacob sniffed the air, grabbing the blanket and jerking it off of his son and the young whore. "You pulled out?" He asked, chuckling as John's face reddened. "What are you? A fucking pussy?"

John dropped his gaze, as if he were ashamed of the act. "I didn't have a condom."

"She's on the pill kid." He slapped John's bare leg, throwing the blanket over the two before he left.

John winched, rubbing his palm over the red mark on his thigh. "What's your name?" He asked, letting her gentle fingers try to sooth the swelling mark.

"Reya…" She smiled, moving toward his neck. "Yours?"

"John." He lifted his chin, letting her give him a hickey just to make it more believable.


	249. Chapter 249

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Forty-Nine**

Clarissa watched the monitor in the helicopter, able to see that John's back was scabbed over and bloody as he fought. She bit her lip as John took a hit to the jaw, covering her mouth to keep the sob inside. "Thomas…" She gripped his hand with white knuckles, looking up at her husband as Asher touched her back. "We need to stop this…"

Asher shook his head, adjusting the straps on the bullet-proof vest to make it fit his chest perfectly. "As long as he holds his own and doesn't lose, he'll be fine." He kissed Sara on the cheek as he pulled a civilian shirt over the vest, placing a pistol in the waistband of his jeans. "If he can't hold on for another two fights…" he hated to think of the consequences of a loss, "it's a kill arena… if he can't hold out… they kill him on the spot." He pulled on a parachute, pushing the door to his copter open. "Sara, pull left a little, there's a spot about twenty yards from the fight club." His voice was static through the microphone helmets. He smirked as he turned around stepping onto the landing gear. "See you down there." He tipped backwards, freefalling for a while before he pulled the chute and floated the rest of the way.

"He is definitely John's uncle." Thomas laughed, watching the white of the chute disappear as Asher folded it up.

Clarissa rushed to put a parachute on, leaping out of the copter without a second thought. She didn't know the first thing about skydiving, but she followed her instincts to save her children. She stumbled as her feet hit the ground, gripping Asher's arms as he steadied her. "Take me to him." She ordered, able to see the same spark of fight in Asher's eyes that she often saw in John's own.

He smirked, cocking a brow at the unusual fire in the woman he saw as his sister-in-law. "You're not afraid?" He asked, his eyes sparking with something in the golden amber.

"I want my children back." She stated, running after him as he bolted for the fight clubs.

* * *

John flinched as the gun went off, closing his eyes tight when his opponent dropped dead on the mat. He had to fight the vomit rising in his throat, the sight of so much blood causing the image of Sid's body to flash behind his eyes.

"Devil Diego!" The MC announced, waving up a man only a few years older than John. "Fighting the reigning champion, Chico Demonio!"

John heaved a breath forcing the memory back, he squared his shoulders, but stopped when he noticed that this wasn't the blood-thirsty fighters he'd become used to, this was someone who was fighting for someone he cared for. He stepped toward the guy, leaning in to speak to him without being caught. "I'll make a deal with you. If we bring this to a draw fight, it's a fifty-fifty shot we both walk out alive or both end up in the ground."

Diego nodded, happy that if he killed this kid that he would die with him. "Why are you doing this?" He asked, noticing some odd movements out of the corner of his eye.

"You've got kids. I can tell a dad when I see one. I'm seven…" he thought for a moment, counting the days since he'd been taken, "Eighteen… I don't have kids and I'd rather give kids back their dad, than kill him."

Diego smiled, ducking as John took a swing for his head. "Damn!" He exclaimed, landing a hit on John's chest. "You don't take it easy, do you?"

John smirked, the blood on his teeth from the other fights making him look even more demonic than his title. "Has to look real."

* * *

Clarissa bit her lip as John seemed to be weakening in his swings, fully aware of what he was doing —he was throwing the fight. "No… don't throw it John… not here…"

Asher slipped through the crowd, completely unnoticed. He seemed more like a ghost than Asher, his feet silent in the roar of the crowd. His eyes landed on Jacob, his lip curling in disgust as his brother forced his niece to watch.

Gunshots rang out, and Asher was vaguely aware of John dropping to the ground and covering his head.

Jacob bolted for his son, the black vests of the US SWAT team setting him off as he pulled a pistol from his jeans. "Back off! I'll kill this son of a bitch if you take another step!" He pressed the barrel to John's temple, smiling at the hesitation in the team's eyes.

John pretended to go limp, pulling Jacob forward with his weight and slamming his head into his father's nose with a crunch. "MOM!" He bolted for Clarissa, barely getting six steps before a searing pain exploded in his side. He screamed, tears spilling from his eyes as he hit the ground. "MOMMA!" he pressed his hand to his side, panic rising in his chest at how wet it was.

Clarissa fought to get to him, even going as far as to punch her husband when he restrained her. "He's calling for me! Let me go to him!"

Thomas shook his head, pulling her to shelter as the lead started flying. "I'm not letting you get shot too."

John screamed for his foster parents, craving the comfort he'd been denied for so long. "Momma! Dad!" He sobbed, gasping when someone grabbed his biceps and looped his arms over their heads. "Hans… Diego…" He asked, his vision already starting to go dark.

Hans nodded, holding Phoebe close to his hip as they rushed toward where he'd seen the redheaded couple disappear to. "We've got you kid. Don't worry." He grinned when he saw the pair, laying John down and applying pressure to the wound on his body. "He's losing blood fast. We need a transfusion. What's his blood type?" He asked, his hands completely steady as he fashioned a makeshift transfusion devise.

"AB Positive." Clarissa answered, hiding John's head in the curl of her body as he sobbed.

"Fuck…" Hans cursed, fully aware that finding that type would be near impossible. "Phoebe, do you know what type you are?"

She nodded, remembering that Ryan had made everyone in the house memorize what they were. "I'm O Positive."

Hans sighed in relief, turning to Diego. "Start heating up something metal. We need to cauterize this." He poked Phoebe's arm, giving her a soft piece of fabric to squeeze before he lined the other end of the transfusion device up with John's veins. "He's gonna scream, but whatever you do, _do not_ jump or panic. If he doesn't get blood into him soon, he'll go into cardiac arrest and he won't make it to the hospital."

Phoebe nodded, watching as Hans took a glowing red knife from Diego and pressed it to John's bleeding side. She covered her ears as his scream nearly shattered her eardrums, sobbing with the sound.

Clarissa curled even tighter around his head, fighting the tears until he finally lost consciousness. "I see trees of green… red roses too… I see them bloom, for me and you…" She couldn't finish the song, the smell of burning flesh nearly choking her as she remembered that this was John's skin they were burning. "Please… please, God… don't take him from me…"


	250. Chapter 250

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty**

Clarissa brushed John's sweat-soaked hair back from his face, kissing his brow to try and give him some comfort in his coma. Christmas Eve was tomorrow, and it almost looked like they would be celebrating the New Year with him in the hospital. "Johnny… Pumpkin… please wake up." She sat on the edge of his bed, holding his hand to her heart. "Claire misses you… we all do." She touched an IV lead in the back of his hand, kissing the split and swollen knuckles.

Thomas placed his hand on her shoulder, setting the cool cloth on John's brow as an attempt to bring his fever down. "Just give him time." He whispered, wrapping his wife in a hug. "He's been through a lot."

She nodded, adjusting the blankets over John's bare chest. "How's Phoebe?" She asked, placing her hand over the bullet wound on John's side where the infection had started.

He sighed, remembering the nightmares. "She stopped sleeping." He lifted John's shoulders slightly, pulling him up on the bed to prevent bed sores. "I think that she's slept for maybe… four hours in the last two days."

"Asher and Sara?" She picked up her tray of food that the nurse had brought her, picking at the mashed potatoes and the pitiful piece of chicken. "Have they decided yet?"

He shook his head, remembering when Beverly had told them that she was pregnant again. "They're a little nervous about taking a kid in."

She rubbed her eyes, taking her husband's hand as he offered her a dance. "I just want him to wake up…" She leaned her cheek against his shoulder closing her eyes as she listened to his heartbeat. She gasped as the beeping of the heart monitor changed, rushing back to John and tucking her hair being her ear as she touched his chest. "Johnathan?" She asked, her dark eyes searching his face for any sign of life. "Baby, can you hear me?"

Thomas stood back, knowing that John would be scared when he came to. "Clarissa… don't startle him…"

John's eyelashes fluttered, the brown of his eyes shining up at her. "Momma…" He croaked, smiling as her soft hand cupped his cheek.

"Good morning, Sweetheart." She smiled, kissing his forehead and brushing his hair behind his ears and running her fingertips down the bottom of his jaw. "How are you feeling?"

He gave a microscopic smile, feeling the sweat soaking his body. "Like I got hit with a big ass eighteen-wheeler…" He coughed, yelping as his side ignited in pain. "What happened?"

"It's a long story." Thomas smiled, taking the rag from John's head to cool it off again.

* * *

Claire helped John into a wheelchair, smiling when Ryan took the IV leads out of his arms and hands. "Comfy?" She asked, helping him adjust his feet so that she could push him down to the small waiting room that they'd requested to celebrate Christmas in.

He nodded, taking her hand in his and gently kissing her fingertips. "Thank you…" He breathed, his body completely exhausted from the war between his immune system and the infection that continued to rage in his wounds.

She smiled, touching the fading hickey on his throat. "Jacob really got a whore for you?"

He bowed his head. "He wanted me to forget about you… he wanted me to fight harder."

"I'm glad you're alive…" She kissed his ear, pushing him out of the room and into their Christmas party.


	251. Chapter 251

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-One**

John reached for Johanna as Julia offered her to him, smiling when he noticed just how big she'd gotten. "Hey there, Cupcake." He whispered, handing her a small gift and helping her open it. "Merry Christmas."

She pulled out the stuffed Pit Bull toy, giggling as John squeezed the chest and it barked. "Woof!"

John grinned, looking up at the family with shock in his eyes. "Is that her first word?" He asked, laughing when they nodded.

Clarissa picked up a tiny box from under the makeshift tree, placing it on John's lap. "I hope you like it." She smiled, watching as he clumsily opened the gift and pulled out a key.

John's brow furrowed, turning the key over in his hand. "You… got me… a car?"

Thomas nodded, pushing John's wheelchair toward the window and pointing to the blue Chevy truck in the parking lot. "It was supposed to be for your birthday, but we thought it would work for a Christmas present just as well."

John smiled, taking Phoebe's hand as she stepped to the window beside him. "Just being alive is enough."

* * *

Claire changed John's sheets, wrinkling her nose as the smell of his sweat reached her nose. She didn't mind his scent, but when he hadn't showered for a few days and was sweating profusely, the smell could become a little much. "Does it still hurt?" She asked, turning to speak to him until she saw that he was passed out in his wheelchair.

She sighed, stepping over to the chair and pushing John to the bed. She lifted his upper body into the bed, following closely with his legs. She covered him up, her lips brushing over his before she turned to leave.

His hand gripped her wrist, his eyes barely cracking open as he looked at her. "Stay…" He rasped, aching to have her close after so long apart. "I miss you…"

She smiled, laying beside him in the bed. "I miss you too." She breathed, gasping as her hand brushed over the bandage on his side where the heat was more like a fire than his skin. "John… I'm getting worried about this. What if… what if it gets worse?"

He closed his eyes, resting his cheek on her head. "I'm too tired to worry about that…"


	252. Chapter 252

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Two**

Claire lifted her head as John's body became impossibly hot, pressing her hand to his head only for it to come away slick with sweat. She climbed out of the bed, rushing to the nurse's desk in the hallway. "John's fever's getting worse." She gasped, terrified that his temperature would reach the deadly point, of which there was no return.

The young woman nodded, picking up a walky-talky and sprinting to John's room with her. She looked at the monitors, biting her lip when she saw that his temperature was 105 degrees Fahrenheit. "Damnit…" She pulled the sheets away from John's body, lifting him with the strength of a moose before she carried him to the bathroom.

Claire watched as she shut the door, panic rising with the reaction from the nurse.

The nurse lowered John into an ice bath, taking the time to strip him of his cotton gown so that he could soak up the chill better. She lifted the radio to her mouth, calling for DR. Reynolds. "DR. Reynolds, patent Johnathan Bender in room 345 has a fever of 105, I need your help with getting him stable." She brushed his hair into the water, gently washing small handfuls over his chest and stomach.

He didn't wake, not even when she added more ice to the bath an dropped the temperature even more.

Ryan burst through the door to the bathroom, cursing when he saw that John was still unconscious. He turned John onto his good side, peeling the cotton bandage off only to gag with the scent. "Septic…" He whispered, looking at the small black pieces of rotting tissue and the others that were slowly dying. "Get me an infusion bag of Amoxicillin. We need to get this gone ASAP." He checked John's other wounds, relieved that they weren't as life-threatening as the bullet graze. "Fight it John. Don't let this win." He brushed his fingers through John's hair, praying that he wouldn't lose him in the middle of the night.

* * *

Claire bit her lip as Ryan spoke with her parents about treatments, the word surgery making her heart race. She knew that he needed to have it done, but in his condition… She couldn't think about it. She touched John's cheek, combing out a few small ratted hairs in his beard. "I love you…" She whispered, kissing his lips before his eyes cracked open. "John!" She grinned, rapping her arms around his neck and hugging him close.

"No…" He croaked, his eyes completely unfocused as if he weren't even there. "Let her go…"

Claire's brow furrowed, waving her hand in front of his face just to see if he was really there. "John? Can you hear me?" She leaned forward, jumping back as his eyes shifted like something was happening that she couldn't see. "John-"

He shot forward, wrapping his hands around her arms with a snarl on his lips. "Let her go!"

Claire yelped as his nails dug into her skin, struggling to push him off of her. "John! Stop!"

He blinked his vision clearing as he slammed back into the raised portion of his bed. "Claire… I, I hurt you." He looked at his hands, the long nails tinted red at the ends.

She shook her head, digging some nail-trimmers out of her bag and taking his hands in hers. "It's okay. Just a scratch." She clipped his nails, taking a file out of her purse and filing down the sharper edges. "What happened?" She asked, able to see a crack in his spirit through those eyes of his. "What is a flashback?"

He shook his head, jumping when she accidentally trimmed his left thumb nail too short. "No. This was different… it was like, like something impossible."

She kissed his fingers, the heat of his fever still in the danger zone. "Was it a hallucination?" She asked, remembering when she'd had a bad fever and started seeing things.

He shrugged, his eyelids growing heavy with the never-ending exhaustion. "Maybe…"

She smiled as he closed his eyes, gently kissing his head before she started trimming up his toenails before they got too long. "Rest up… you need it." She grinned, pulling out a bottle of bright pink nail polish and painting his toes. "You'll kill me when you see this, but it's so worth it."


	253. Chapter 253

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Three**

Ryan held his breath as he opened the wound on John's side, biting the inside of his cheek as he thought about all the wonderful times they'd had since he'd become part of the family. "Scalpel." He held his hand out for the blade, forcing himself to see John as just another patient; a piece of machinery that needed fixing. He watched as his patient began to bleed, ignoring the contrast between the red fluid and his white surgical gloves. "Forceps." He clamped the dead tissues in the instrument, handing the handles to his partner Baxter as he began trimming the infected skin away. "Heartrate?" He asked, letting their assistant soak some of the blood and puss up with a surgical wipe.

"Eighty over sixty." Stated the anesthesiologist, smiling as Ryan relaxed slightly. "Respiration is fine, his temperatures dropped a little, but that's normal."

Ryan's brow furrowed, gently pulling on an odd-looking piece in John's side. "Baxter… what do you think?" He looked up at his partner, running his finger down along the dark red tissue until he was nearly inside of John's abdominal cavity.

Baxter examined the ligament, confused as to what exactly this odd little thing was for. "I've never seen that before…" He tilted his head, trying to see where it went. "It almost looks like it would be another liver… but… that's impossible unless he could have had a twin and absorbed them in the womb…"

Ryan thought for a moment, remembering the other small things about John's internal organs that seemed odd at times. "It's possible…"

Baxter nodded, helping Ryan complete the surgery and inject the required antibiotics directly into the worst of the infected areas to clean them before they sewed him up.

* * *

John groaned, rolling his head across the pillow as he started to come too.

Clarissa smiled, brushing his hair back from his forehead happy to see that his fever had already started to go down. "Good morning, Pumpkin."

He cracked his eyes open, smirking at Clarissa as she sat beside him. "Momma…" He breathed, laughing when she kissed his head.

"What's so funny?" She asked, cocking a brow at his odd behavior.

"When me and Claire… get married… we get to make babies with our privates…" He giggled, still high from being knocked out for so long. "And then, they'll make babies too…"

She laughed, happy that he wasn't feeling any pain at the moment. "Johnathan… you are something else." She sighed, biting her lips when she noticed that the catheter bag had gotten fuller in the last couple minutes. "Do you need to potty?" She asked, pretending that she was speaking to a toddler since she knew he wouldn't understand adult speaking right now.

He shook his head, his face paling as he made himself sick. He placed his hands on Clarissa's as she held a blue puke bag under his chin, crying when his side burned with a pain so great it was as if he were being stabbed. "Hurts!" He whimpered, pulling at the oxygen hose around his face with confusion as he thought that might be what was hurting him. "Off…"

Clarissa shook her head, pulling his hands away from his face and gently applying pressure on his side. "No, you need to keep it on. It's the boo-boo on your side that's hurting you." She rubbed her fingers over his collar bones, smiling at the strength that resided under his skin. "It'll feel better soon."

He nodded, looking up as a movie started to play on the crappy TV in his recovery room. "Who you gonna call?" He smiled, laughing hysterically when Clarissa spoke.

"Ghostbusters!" She grinned as John laughed through the movie, relaxing in her chair to the sound of pure happiness filling her heart. "I love that laugh..." She sighed, picking up her crocheting and stating on the tiny booties she'd been planning for Jade and Dominic's little one.


	254. Chapter 254

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Four**

Amelia bounded into John's hospital room, flying onto his bed and sitting on his shins. "Guess what!" She smiled, bouncing lightly on his legs.

He chuckled, pushing his dinner tray over to the side so that he could pay better attention to her. "There's a monkey in the toilet." He smirked, holding his hand out for his meds that Patty the nurse handed him.

She shook her head, sticking her tongue out and wrinkling her nose at him. "No! Chance is gonna have puppies!" She announced, turning as John's eyes shifted to the TV on the wall above them. "What're you watching?" She asked, leaning back on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm watching the News… I'm trying to figure out what happened when I was gone." He tucked his nose into her hair, wincing as his beard hair got caught on her barrette.

She looked over at Phoebe, watching as the older girl rubbed her arms and shifted from foot to foot. "Are you scared?" She asked, holding her hand out to encourage her to come closer.

Phoebe nodded, still refusing to speak in fear of breaking down and losing her mind. She stepped closer to her brother, crawling into the bed with him and curling into his ribs.

He rubbed her back, wishing that he could remember what had happened. "I know, Mouse… I know."

Asher and Sara stepped into John's room, patting John's shoulders as they settled into their usual seating spots. "Ryan and Baxter said you can come home in a few days." Asher smiled, grabbing a bite of yogurt from John's dinner.

John smiled, rubbing his jaw as Sara pulled on his unbelievably long hair. "Good. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again."

Sara chuckled, shaking her head at how scraggly he looked. "You need a little grooming done on you, Wolfman."

He smirked, scratching his jaw as Phoebe clutched at his loose t-shirt that Claire had brought for him so that he could ditch the gown so that his ass wasn't always on display when he walked around the hallways. "I could use a shave and a trim."

* * *

Mary gave John a gentle hug, shaking her head as she looked at his homeless appearance. "Oh my God… you are a mess."

He nodded, taking a seat on the chair they used for haircuts. "I know."

Mary laughed, picking up her scissors and cutting the brown and caramel locks to their old length, she even cut his beard short, making it easier to shave when he was ready. "Do you want to shave, or should I do it for you?"

He smiled, picking up his razor and holding it to his cheek after he'd lathered soap over his five-o'clock shadow area. "I think I can get it." He tilted his head, pulling his skin taught with his free hand while cutting the hair away. "Feels good to be home." He sighed, rinsing his face off to show that he was once again, clean-shaven.

Brian smiled, stepping aside from the bathroom door as an old friend spoke behind him.

"We'll, Johnny B." Grinned Carl, leaning on the counter as John rinsed his razor and put some aftershave on. "Been a while, kid."

John smirked, pulling the janitor into a bro hug and making sure he stayed clear of his side. "Candy bar Carl!" He laughed, patting his shoulder. "What're you doing here?"

Carl ruffled John's hair up, throwing his arm over the kid's shoulders. "Tommy and Clarissa asked for some backup keeping you contained until you're healed up."

"They're gonna need a lot of backup." Chad smiled, biting his lip at the sight of the bandage on John's side when Amelia pulled his shirt up and starting playing with the hem and sticking her head under the fabric and against his stomach. "You probably can't wait to go a little crazy, huh?"

John nodded, cracking his neck as they all headed down to the living room. "Damn right."


	255. Chapter 255

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Five**

Chance jumped onto John's bed, wedging herself between John and Claire and breaking up their make-out session.

"Chance!" John chuckled, scratching the dog's ears and pressing his hand to side. "What's up fat ass?"

"Did Amelia really think that she was pregnant?" Claire asked, combing her fingers through her hair as she watched her boyfriend love on his fur-baby.

He nodded, yelping as Chance's foot pushed against his stomach and made the wound ignite with pain. "Fuck!" He exclaimed, rolling off of his bed and curling into a fetal position on the floor. "Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck." He gasped for air, only sitting up when Claire and Andy knelt beside him on the floor. "God damnit…"

Andy placed a hand on John's back, holding his free hand out as an offer for John to squeeze when he felt too much pain. "You alright?" He asked, being sure to check on John before he started examining the bandage on his side.

John shook his head, collapsing onto Claire's shoulder with a shuddering breath. "Hurts…"

Claire nodded, rubbing his shoulder as Andy stood to get the adults. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…" She kissed his lips, letting his tongue slip between her teeth.

Carl stopped in the doorway to John's bedroom, smiling as the memory of his first love surfaced in his mind. They'd only been a little younger than John and Claire, so deeply in love with each other, that they never thought about the risks and consequences. She'd gotten knocked up after their first night together, and once her parents had gotten wind of it… he'd never seen her again. "Alright, love birds, come on, time for dinner."

* * *

Toby patted John on the back, handing him a soda before he took a seat beside the firepit to watch everyone roasting marshmallows. "Glad to have you back." He smiled, letting his sister climb into his lap as John stared blankly into space. "You okay, man?" He asked, remembering the flashback he'd seen when they were in the locker room at school.

John shook his head, sipping on the soda until a firework boomed overhead. "HOLY FUCK!" He screamed, dropping the can and covering his head with his hands as he took shelter underneath the food table they were using for the cookout. "Stop!" He sobbed, the memory of his opponents from the fights dropping dead in front of him finally surfacing and drowning him like a title wave.

Clarissa stood from her seat, crawling under the table to sit with him and draping a blanket over his shaking body. "Shh… it's alright Pumpkin… you're alright…"

Phoebe curled into Asher's chest, tears spilling from her eyes as the memory of John's animalistic scream filled her ears, the scent of his burning skin nearly choking her. "Make it stop!" She cried, pulling her uncle's coat over her ears as an attempt to block out the screams in her head. "Make it stop!"

Sara bit her lip, rubbing circles on the child's back as she sobbed. "It's okay, Phoebe… it's okay…" She met Asher's eyes, able to see the break in his heart. "Let's take the new baby." She whispered, combing her fingers through his short-cropped hair.

He nodded, kissing her lips until John's sobs grew so loud that they worried he was hurting himself. "I was hoping you would say that." He gripped her hand in his own, smiling as Thomas, Clarissa, the Cooks' and Carl all surrounded John and tried to comfort him. "Let's get married." He stated, holding Phoebe even closer as her shaking began to slow. "Make a real family out of it."

She grinned, squeezing his hand. "How about a week from tomorrow?"

"Perfect." He kissed her hand, happy that they were simple people despite the fact that they had a big house and a few fancy cars that they hardly ever used. "Now what about names?" 

Sara held her arms out for John, letting him sit beside her on the bench and wiping the tears from his cheeks. "My mother's name was Georgia… so maybe we could use that for a girl." She rocked her soon-to-be nephew in her arms, holding him close as Clarissa went inside to get some blankets and more food.

Asher nodded, rubbing circles on Phoebe's back until she began to snore. "I like it. Georgia Serafina Bender." He smiled, taking a blanket from Clarissa and draping it over his niece's back. "What about a boy?"

She thought for a moment, running her fingers through John's hair. "I've always liked the name Ashton… maybe we could use Ashton Derik Bender for him." She let a laugh bounce in her chest, rubbing her hand over John's jaw as he fell asleep on her shoulder. "Or maybe Ashton Nathanial Bender."

"I like those." Asher adjusted Phoebe on his lap, lifting her with his as he stood. "Let's get these two to bed."

Sara smirked, gently waking John before she guided him to his bedroom. "Come on, it's getting late."


	256. Chapter 256

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Six**

Carl sat back on the sofa, popping the top on a Budweiser as the adults all sat back to help him understand what was happening with the kids since they'd left Shermer. "John has PTSD?" He asked, remembering the odd behaviors that John used to display when he was high.

Thomas nodded, holding Clarissa's hand and kissing her fingers. "PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, as well as a few physical disorders."

"Such as?" Carl leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Ryan looked around at the family, watching as Clarissa left to check on John. "He was one of twins, he absorbed the other while they were in the womb. His nervous system never recovered after the seizures, meaning he struggles with paranoia at times and an over heightened fight or flight reflex. And he also is unable to get or keep an erection due to his PTSD. After a gang known as the Dead Cross raped him, he hasn't been able to get passed that hurtle."

* * *

Clarissa pushed John's bedroom door open, biting her lip when she heard his whimpers of fear. "Johnny?" She stepped to his bedside, brushing his hair back and gently rubbing his shoulder. "It's okay, Pumpkin…"

His eyes opened, the irises having gone pure yellow. "I killed them…" He gasped, taking her hands in his own and placing her fingers around his neck. "Do it… take me out…" He pressed her fingers tighter around his throat. "Please…"

Clarissa shook her head, laying down in the bed beside him and holding him close as he cried. "You did what you had to do to survive…" She whispered, cradling his head in her arms. "Do you need to talk with Holly?" She asked, her heart aching when he nodded.

He'd never agreed to therapy before, they'd always had to practically force him to go. "Please… please take me…"

She nodded, turning on his lamp when she felt his bandage was moist. "Let me change this." She sighed, picking up a fresh cotton pad and replacing the old one. "I'll make you an appointment in the morning." She laid back down, gently kissing his head before she began to sing him to sleep.

* * *

Carl took Chance's leash from John as he pulled his jacket on before they walked out of the house. "You know, I never pictured you as a dog person before." He kept a close eye on John, making sure he didn't stumble since his body was still weak from the infection.

"I've always liked animals, but Jacob would have killed them if I'd ever come home with one." He scratched Chance's head, slowing his pace as his side started to ache a little. "Do you know who told them where we were?"

Carl nodded, stopping halfway down the block to make sure John didn't push himself too far. "It was Beverly."

John's eyes flashed black, turning back to brown a few seconds later. "She told them?" He asked, trying to think back to the ways that she could have gotten word out. "How?"

"She gave a message to a man named Hans. He was trusted by Jacob, so he was able to get it to the authorities unnoticed." Carl placed his hands on John's shoulders, able to see that he was starting to sway from side to side. "You alright?"

"Hans is innocent." He stated, remembering a small part of their chat after he'd been flogged. "He was framed. He didn't hit his kid… it was his brother-in-law. He wanted the kid for himself after Hans's wife died, so he framed Hans of child abuse."


	257. Chapter 257

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Seven**

Clarissa gripped Sara's hand as they entered the prison, anger rising in her chest with every step they took. "I swear, if she says anything about hurting John or pretending to care about him. I will be sitting in a cell for murder."

Sara shook her head, looking up as they entered the room where Beverly was waiting for them. "You would kill my baby then."

Beverly smiled at the women, placing her hand over her tiny baby bump. "Thank you…" She reached for Clarissa's hands, hurt flashing in her eyes when she pulled away. "Clarissa, I never meant for all of this to happen… I didn't even want to leave Chicago. Jacob knocked me out and kidnapped me as well. I tried to help Johnny-"

"Bullshit!" Clarissa snapped, looking over at her friend as she squeezed her hand. "I saw the whip marks on his back, every bruise and crack in his skin. You did nothing for him."

Sara placed a hand on Beverly's, smiling at her with a kindness that she was so unused to. "You couldn't help him, could you?"

Beverly nodded, wiping her tears from her cheeks. "I didn't want Jacob to kill this baby. I wanted more for them. I've seen where John's limits lie, I knew that Jacob would stop at the first scream or when he passed out. I knew he would recover." She took a shuttering breath, forcing herself to continue. "I didn't expect Jake to shoot him."

Sara smiled, letting Clarissa stand and pace around the room. "I want to adopt your child." She moved to sit next to the woman, holding her close as Beverly guided her hand to touch her belly. "Asher and I want to give them a good home. And we also want to run a few names by you."

Beverly's head shot up, shocked that they would allow her to help pick a name. "You want me to help name them?"

Sara bobbed her head, letting Clarissa join them again when she'd calmed down a little. "Has Mama Bear Clare gone into hibernation?" She asked, laughing at the look the redhead gave her. "Here's a list we made up of all the names, boy names on this side, and girl ones on this one."

Beverly looked over the list, taking comfort in the two women by her side as she learned to adjust to this pregnancy while in prison, where compassion was nearly unheard of. "I like Diana, and Nathan." She smiled, shocked when Clarissa's hand rested on her own.

"John was asking about you this morning." She sighed, hating that she was actually telling her this. "He wants to thank you… for helping get them out of there."

Sara brushed Beverly's hair back from her neck, placing a photo of John and Phoebe together on the table. "We've gotten you limited visitation days twice a week."

Beverly let a sob of joy escape her, hugging the two women as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Thank you!"

* * *

Claire rested against John's shoulder, munching on the popcorn they'd bought as they watched the movie. "This is nice." She whispered, sipping on the coke that they'd decided to share. "Just me and you for a while."

He nodded, kissing her head as he watched his first movie on the big-screen. "Yeah." He patted his hand on her arm, enjoying her being so close after their time apart. "I think this is our first real date."

She thought for a moment, thinking back all the months they'd been together. "I guess so." She looked up at him, locking her lips with his as he leaned toward her. She could taste the butter from their popcorn on his lips, the sweetness of the soda, all mixing with his natural flavor that was unique to only him.


	258. Chapter 258

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Eight**

John collapsed on his bed, happy to take pressure off of his side and relax for a while before he had to meet with Steven to discuss promotions for the band. "Holy fuck…" He sighed, closing his eyes and listening to the ocean outside through his open window.

Clarissa bit her lip, leaning on John's doorframe as she noticed the spot where his bandage had seeped through his t-shirt. "How do you feel?" She asked, brushing her fingers over his side before she pulled his shirt up.

He adjusted his arm, granting her more room to help him. "Like I got hit by a bus…" He winced as she tugged the cotton off of his wound, the way it pulled on his stitches irritating him.

She nodded, kissing her hand and pressing it to his side. "It's looking better." She smiled, sitting on the edge of his bed after she'd finished with his bandage. "The fever's gone."

He shrugged, holding the giant teddy bear that Kaylie and Brian had gotten him close to his chest. "I wanna sleep…"

She stood, knowing that he needed rest. Ever since the fireworks had gone off, he'd been unable to sleep during the night, and when he was able to get a short rest he was plagued by nightmares. "Try to get a good nap." She whispered, combing his hair back from his eyes.

* * *

Steven settled on the sofa in the music studio, smiling when he saw John limp through the door. "Good to see you alive, Kiddo." He stood to greet his best-selling lead singer, patting him on the shoulders and giving a low bow to Claire with a gentle kiss to her fingers. "And how is the beautiful Princess Claire today?"

Claire gave a small smiled, her cheeks pinking at the way that Steven treated her with respect and always stepped right up to the line that John had drawn in the sand without crossing it. "Hi Steven." She looked up at John, watching as he sipped on a cup of coffee that she'd seen him pour half of an energy drink into.

John rubbed his jaw, scratching his neck as he pulled up a chair. "So, what did you have in mind for promotions?"

Claire took the black coffee mug from him, fully aware that if he drank the whole thing the caffeine would give him a heart attack or at least keep him from sleeping even more than he already had been.

Steven smiled, looking around at the other members of the band. "You know how they say sex sells? Well, I was thinking, that if we had some photos of you all with your girlfriends, or boyfriends, that we would sell more records."

John looked around the group, his brows furrowing when they all nodded. "What kind of pictures?"

Steven looked between John and Claire, able to see the chemistry between the two even when John was exhausted and in pain. "I was thinking… that maybe one or two of you and Claire in a prop bed, maybe staring into each other's eyes with that passion you share."

John met Claire's eyes, glancing over at Dominic and Jade with her growing belly. "We'll have to talk it over."

* * *

Jade gripped Dominic's hand as they looked at the ultrasound in their OB/GYN's office. "Quadruplets?" She asked, fear rising in her chest with the thought of pushing four little humans out of her lady parts —that Dominic had nearly destroyed when they were making these little ones.

Dominic's eyes rolled up in his head, his body going limp as he fainted.

"I recommend you have a backup coach for the delivery." Smiled their doctor, kneeling down beside Dominic and gently tapping his cheek to bring him out of it. "Or, if you don't want to go through pushing four babies out of you, I recommend scheduling a C-section for a few days before their due date."

Jade nodded, placing her hands on her belly and smiling as she felt something similar to an elbow. "Well, now I know why I'm so big…"

Dominic bolted awake, looking up at his fiancée and her pregnant belly. "Please tell me I was dreaming…"

"Nope." Smiled Isabel writing a prescription for a few creams to help with stretchmarks, hemorrhoids, and other pregnancy problems for Jade to fill when she felt they were needed. "Four identical babies."

Jade kissed his lips, her green eyes meeting his dark brown. "Would you hate me if I wanted to do a C-section?"

He shook his head, placing his hand on his unborn children. "I'd rather you do that… I don't want you to go through that much pain." He leaned down, tracing his lips over her stomach and whispering to his babies. "I can't wait to see you all."


	259. Chapter 259

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Fifty-Nine**

Clarissa smiled as Dominic and Jade prepared to set off the smoke-bombs that would show if they were having a boy or a girl. "Why are there four different bombs?" She asked, looking between the couple.

Dominic shrugged, glancing at Jade's belly bump with mischief in his eyes. "I put them together, so one or two might be a dud." He handed Jade a lighter, each of them taking turns lighting a bomb to show that three of them were pink and one was blue as the sky.

"We're having quadruplets!" The pair shouted, kissing each other's lips as camera flashes went off.

John smirked, patting his cousin on the back. "Congrats Pop's." He chuckled, placing his hand on Jade's belly and feeling the little ones wriggle around inside. "Does it feel funny?"

She laughed, letting each member of the family touch the little ones. "It feels like little lizards or something inside of me."

Clarissa chuckled, looking down at Jade's swollen stomach. "I remember that stage. It'll just get weirder feeling when they get bigger." She gave a sad smile, remembering her miscarriage that had made her infertile. "I had a miscarriage with my last pregnancy… they were going to be twins."

* * *

Steven watched as the photographer instructed John and Claire what to do for the pictures, biting his lip when he caught sight of the new scars lacing over John's back when he took his shirt off. "Hold up." He stepped toward the teen, touching the raised scars over his shoulders and mid back. "Did this happen in Mexico?" He asked, looking at the scarring on John's perfectly tanned skin.

John nodded, lifting his eyes as Claire's hands touched either side of his jaw. "That and a few of the fresher ones."

Claire pulled him forward, laying on the bed and adjusting until he was laying right next to her with her hand tangled in his hair. "J'aime chaque pouce de toi…" She breathed, letting his hands trace over her side and wrap around her. "You're not the only one who can speak two languages."

He gently kissed her lips, forgetting about the cameras for a moment. "Sì, mi corazón…"

Steven pulled the photographer away from the young couple. "Don't publish these… they're too intimate to show." He bit the inside of his cheek, thinking of another way they could show the couple's love without completely exposing John's softer side that he always hid. "John won't want them out there."

Clarissa smiled as John and Claire pressed against each other, wondering if John's therapy with Holly was helping. It certainly looked like he was getting a testosterone rush, the way he was kissing Claire was a sure sign of that. She leaned toward Ryan, stepping out of the room to leave the two alone together. "Do you think he's recovered enough to get an erection?"

Ryan shrugged, wrapping his hand around Kathrine's waist. "Hard to tell, but I'd say he's more than ready to be making babies."

Thomas shuddered, covering his ears. "I don't need to hear about John deflowering my baby girl."


	260. Chapter 260

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty**

Dominic opened the door to the Breakfast Clubhouse, glaring as his fiancée's father and cousin. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He growled, standing in their way when Leon tried to push inside.

"I'm here to see my daughter." Leon stated, shoving Dominic out of the way and walking into the living room where Jade was sitting with a bowl of rocky road ice cream resting on her pregnant belly and her feet propped up on the coffee table. "What the hell?" He grabbed her arm, causing the bowl to crash on the floor. "You're pregnant with _his_ demon spawn?"

Jade tried to push him off of her, screaming when a tanned blur appeared and swept her father onto the floor. "John!" She cried, trying to pull him off of her father as he raised his fists. "Don't!"

John pushed away from Leon, growling at him as he and Dominic stood in a wall over Jade. "If you weren't in uniform, you'd be lunch meat." He grit his teeth, curling his lip as Leon looked at Jade behind the cousins.

"Either you abort the child, or I will." He snapped, stepping back when the taller kid stepped up to him.

"If you want to touch those kids, you'll have to kill me." Dominic held his hand out, stopping John in his tracks. "Those are _my_ children, and I know damn well that I can get you canned for murder if you force her to abort."

Jessica rolled her eyes, taking the distraction that her uncle was causing to sneak up to John's bedroom. She pushed his door open, stepping inside and looking around for a spot to plant the bug. She paused when she saw his amp, taking the back off of the speaker and slipping the camera inside where she could see what was happening in his room. Next, she crawled under his bed, sticking the microphone inside of a rip in the bedspring's underside. "Perfect." She smiled, taking a second to look around his room for a trophy. She placed her hand on the t-shirt on top of his hamper, stepping outside of his room before anyone saw her inside.

Leon grabbed her wrist as she walked down the stairs, pulling her out of the house. "Come on Jessica, let's leave these devils to their hell."

* * *

John tossed and turned in his sleep, the sound of gunshots ringing in his head. "No…" He moaned, curling on his side and pulling his pillow close to his chest.

He watched in horror as Jacob held a gun to Claire's head, the sight of the fear in her eyes ripping his heart out with the shot.

"NO!" He screamed, bolting out of his dream with a start. He gasped for air, swallowing as he tried to regain his breath. "Claire!" He called for his Sweets, too afraid of finding her dead to go to her.

Claire pushed his door open, brushing her hair behind her ears as she sat beside him on his bed. "Bad dream?" She asked, slowly laying down beside him and wrapping her arms around his body.

He nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as he buried his nose in her neck and breathed her scent. "They're getting worse…" He whispered, glancing at his reflection in the mirror. He didn't even look like himself anymore, his eyes were surrounded by dark circles, his lips scarred from his teeth, his skin dull and ashy, if it wasn't for his pulse people would have thought he was a zombie. "A lot worse."

She nodded, tucking his blankets around them both and locking her lips with him. "Tell me about it."


	261. Chapter 261

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-One**

Phoebe bit her lip as she looked at the school, terrified that the other kids would make fun of her for being afraid of loud noises. "Why can't I just be homeschooled?" She asked, looking up at Clarissa with eyes so similar to John's that it was almost unnerving.

"Because you need to be at school. We can't pull you from school unless we adopt you." She combed her fingers through Phoebe's hair, kissing her head before letting her walk to her class. "Be safe, Mouse…"

* * *

Timothy glared at John as he held Claire's hand, his lip curling as they kissed. "Fucking druggy."

Toby slapped Timothy's head, walking over to his friends. "Good to see you John." He smiled, patting his shoulder. "How's that side doing?" He tilted his head as Claire lifted John's shirt, smiling when he saw that he no longer needed the bandage. "Hey! You got the bandage off!" He chuckled, tracing his finger over the scar. "Does it still hurt?"

John shook his head, rubbing his eyes with exhaustion. "Not really…" He yawned, rubbing his hand over his jaw and scratching at the scruff that he hadn't had time to shave off.

Toby looked over at Claire, able to see that John's brain was only at half of its usual functioning power —putting him only a few IQ points above them. "Are you okay man?" He asked, watching as John gave a tired nod that he was trying to pass off as a real one.

Claire shook her head, walking with John to their lockers. "He hasn't been sleeping very well lately." She ignored the look he gave her, patting his shoulder. "The nightmares keep him up." She kissed John's lips, feeling him melt against her with the relaxation that always came with her touch.

* * *

Jade yelped as the babies wiggled, closing her eyes to try and ignore the weirdness of how it felt to have four tiny humans growing inside of her. "Dom! Your kids are making me nauseous!" She hated the sickness that had set in with the second trimester, that and the heartburn were almost worse than the gas, constipation, hemorrhoids, swollen ankles, and the tender boobs combined.

Dominic chuckled, kissing her head before he settled on the sofa and took her aching feet in his hands. "Why are they always my kids when they make you sick?" He rubbed her feet, kissing each painted toe as he soothed her.

"Because you're the one who ejaculated inside of me and got me pregnant." She rested her head back on their pillows, placing her hands on her belly.

He breathed a laugh, his calloused hands becoming as soft and feathers as they rubbed her feet and legs. "Well, I'm sorry that we're having children and that my sperm is making you sick."

* * *

Mary gave John a hug as he walked into the house, picking Amelia up as he walked up to his room. "Dear Lord, please let him get some sleep." She whispered, kissing her daughter's head as they watched his exhausted form disappear around the corner of the hallway.


	262. Chapter 262

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Two**

John pulled his t-shirt over his head, stretching his arms before he pulled his jeans off. He couldn't wait to pass out, but deep down, he was afraid to. The nightmares had been getting worse and worse with each passing night, and he didn't want to see anyone else die. Last night, it had been Claire… and the worst part… she'd been pregnant with his child.

He didn't climb between the covers, choosing to lay on top of his bed for his nap. He listened to the birds outside of his window, the sharp scent of the sea filling his nose with each breath. He closed his eyes, falling into a deep sleep where dreams left him alone.

* * *

Clarissa parked her car outside of Jade and Dominic's apartment, grabbing the pile of baby and maternity clothes that she'd dug out of storage. She pushed their door open, laughing when she saw how frazzled Dominic looked. "Where's your baby momma?" She asked, setting the clothing on their recliner before she sat next to him.

"She's in the tub." He took a drink of coffee, and Clarissa could tell that it was probably his tenth one that day. "Are all girls this nuts when they're pregnant?"

She nodded, remembering the hormonal mood swings, the forgetfulness, and most of all the cravings for weird foods. "Oh yeah, I was pretty crazy. With Clare, I craved pickles and chocolate ice cream. And I think poor Tommy still has PTSD from that." She rubbed his shoulders, laughing then his eye started to twitch.

"Dom! Help!" Jade called, lifting her arms up when he walked into the bathroom. "I can't get out." She pouted, looking down at her belly.

He shook his head, looping his arms around her body and lifting her out of the bath. "Damn! You're getting heav-"

"I am _not fat_!" Jade smacked his shoulder, wrapping a robe around herself and marching to their bedroom.

Clarissa chuckled, looking at the nervous wreck that was Dominic Alejandro Bender. "How about I take her to the spa? That way you can relax while she does."

He nodded, rubbing his head as the headache he'd been living with for the last few days became even stronger. "I need a beer…"

Clarissa rolled her eyes, patting his shoulder and picking up the maturity clothes she'd brought for her. "No you don't. No go call John or someone and see if you can find a way to cause trouble without getting in jail." She kissed his cheek, shutting the bedroom door behind her.


	263. Chapter 263

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Three**

Jade rested her head against the soft cushioned massage table of the spa, sighing in pleasure as the masseuse's gentle hands rubbed her feet, legs, and even her pregnant belly. "This is nice…"

Clarissa moaned in agreement, forgetting about the struggles of parenting so many kids for a moment. "I thought this would be a nice way to spoil you before those little ones get here."

"I wish my Mom was still alive to meet them…" She smiled as the oils used for her massage moisturized her belly, making the endless itch fade for a moment.

Clarissa reached for Jade's hand, squeezing her fingers. "She'll get to meet them some day. And until that day, your children will call me granny." She smiled at the happiness on Jade's face, helping her stand as they moved on to the hair treatments they'd decided to get.

* * *

Dominic leaned on John's doorframe, biting the inside of his cheek as he listened to his quiet cries. "Hey, El Jefe… wake up. It's just a dream." He gently touched his cousin's shoulder, jumping back to avoid a fist to his nose.

"What the hell man?" John snapped, rubbing his hand over his eyes and into his hair.

Dominic looked at the dark circles around his cousin's eyes, nodding toward the door. "Come on, let's go get some coffee or something."

* * *

Claire laughed as she and Kaylie watched Johanna play with her little stuffy that John had given her. "Where's Brian?" She asked, leaning back on the couch and sipping on her hot chocolate.

Kaylie smirked, playing with her nose piercing as she turned on the TV. "He went out with the guys." She picked Johanna up, poking her tiny belly as she kissed her cheeks. "Has John been sleeping at all?" She asked, holding Johanna's bottle to her mouth.

Claire shook her head, scratching a bump on her arm that had been itching for the last couple of days. "Not really." She moved to the spot on her neck that was bugging her. "I think that the flashbacks turned into nightmares."

Kaylie nodded, bouncing Johanna on her lap. "Makes sense. After he got jumped in Shermer, he had nightmares for a long time."

"I'm gonna go get some lotion." Claire stood, walking up to the bathroom and taking her clothes off to show the splotchy rash on her hips and back. "Gross…"


	264. Chapter 264

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Four**

Clarissa gasped when she saw the rash on Claire's back, rushing to look at the bumps on her skin. "Claire, you have chicken pox." She picked up a bottle of calamine lotion, dabbing it over the spots on her skin. She paused for a moment, her brow furrowing with realization. "John hasn't had them yet… and he's an adult now…" Her eyes widened, remembering the few little kisses the two had shared, the hugs, and every form of close contact that they'd had in the last few days. "Claire, if he gets these, it could make him infertile or even kill him."

Claire bit her lip, fear rising in her chest with her mother's words. "What do we do?"

Clarissa shook her head, standing and rushing to John's bedroom where she could hear him playing his acoustic guitar. "I'm gonna check him to see if he already has them. If he doesn't, I'm gonna quarantine you."

John looked up as his door was pushed open, smiling when Clarissa sat on his bed. "Hey."

She touched his bare side, examining the scarred skin of his body as if she were inspecting him for new wounds. "You haven't been itchy anywhere, have you?" She looked over his stomach, pushing on his side so that he would roll over onto his other side to let her see his back.

"The back of my head… why?"

She dug her finger's through his hair, sighing in relief when she saw that he just had dandruff. "Thank God…" She sat back down, holding him close to her as the reality of how close they'd come to him getting sick hit her. "Claire has chicken pox…"

His brow furrowed, unsure as to why she'd been so freaked out. "And…?" He asked, scratching Chance's ears as she whimpered beside him.

"Now that you're an adult, if you catch them… they could kill you." She dared not tell him about the risk of infertility, she didn't want him to worry about not being able to make babies on top of everything else he was dealing with.

He nodded, swallowing the fear in his throat. "Claire will be okay though, right?"

She smiled, kissing his head and tracing her finger over the fading scar on his cheekbone. "She'll be fine. But if you get any bumps or start getting itchy, I want you to let me know as soon as possible."

He closed his eyes, leaning against her as his body tried to force him to get the sleep he needed while he could. "Okay…"

* * *

Dominic laughed as Jade ripped one, yelping when she slapped his arm. "OW!" He gripped her hands in his, kissing her fingers and moving over to her neck. "I'm not laughing at you." He whispered, his dark chocolate eyes meeting her green ones with all the love that a father and husband could hold in his heart. "I'm just laughing at the fact that they're making your body do weird shit." He placed his hand on her belly, leaning down to speak to his children. "Stop making momma fart." He chuckled as Jade pinched his ear, resting his cheek on her baby bump as she combed her fingers through his hair.

She bit her lip as her uterus contracted, hating how they felt on the rare occasions she actually felt them. "Oh, Lamaze class got canceled this week. Karla's kid is sick and she can't make it."

Dominic nodded, counting back to when they'd gotten pregnant. "You're about… what? Seven months along now?"

She nodded, wincing as another contraction hit her. "I'm thirty-two weeks."

He looked up at her, his brow furrowing as her behavior changed. "You okay?" He asked, jumping to his feet when she shook her head. "Where's the stop watch?" He tore through the house, opening every drawer until he found the little watch. He rushed back to their living room, paling when he saw the big wet spot on their sofa. "Let's get going." He helped her to her feet, placing his hands under her belly as an attempt to take the pressure off of her pelvis.


	265. Chapter 265

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Five**

Clarissa tapped her foot in the waiting room, watching as Dominic paced back and forth over the carpeting. "They'll be fine." She smiled, trying to hide her anxiety with each tick of the clock. She knew that Jade would go into labor early, but going in at thirty-two weeks seemed too early.

Dominic nodded numbly, rushing over to see Dr. Isabell when she appeared in the doorway. "How are they?" He asked, trying to ignore the blood stains on her smock.

"They're all perfectly healthy. All four babies have ten fingers and ten toes." She smiled, patting the young father's shoulder. "Jade's recovering right now, and the babies are in the nursery for their shots."

John placed his hand on his cousin's shoulder, smiling with the relief that coursed through his body. "Can we see them?"

Isabell nodded, leading Dominic, Clarissa, and John back to the recovery room where Jade was waiting.

* * *

Jade reached for one of her girls, smiling down at her perfect little face as Dominic took their boy. "They're so cute…" She smiled, taking their other girl while Clarissa held the last baby.

He nodded, brushing his lips over their son's head. "They've got a lot of hair." He smirked, rubbing the back of his fingers over his son's cheek. "Do you know how sick you made your mommy? Flynn, you made your mommy so sick, that I got puke on my shoes most mornings." He chuckled as Flynn's little hand traced over his left peck, happy that he'd taken his shirt off to get some skin on skin bonding with his children.

Jade gave a small laugh, looking up at John as he hovered in the doorway. "Do you want to hold one?" She asked, smiling at him as he nodded. "Here, you can take Sage."

John wrapped his arms around his little cousin, biting his lip as she opened her eyes to see him. "Hey there, Sage. I'm your uncle Johnny." He bounced her in his arms, gently kissing her nose. "And I promise, I will do anything in my power to protect you."

* * *

Claire scratched at the rash on her hips, growling in frustration as she flopped back on her bed. "Stop itching!" She screamed, looking up as John pushed her door open. "What are you doing?" She asked, rubbing more lotion on her arms. "You're not supposed to be near me."

He smirked, stepping into her room. "I can't stay away from you anymore." He laid back on her pillows, showing her the photos of Jade and Dom's quads. "Jade went into labor early."

She took the pictures from him, smiling at the little faces looking up at her. "What did they decide for names?"

John pointed to the picture of Flynn. "This is Flynn Taylor." He moved to one of the girls. "Sage, has the blonde hair, Iris, has the slightly lighter blonde hair, and Violet, is the one with freckles."

Claire shook her head. "All flower names?"

"Except for Flynn, but they thought that would be a good way to remember them."

She chuckled, pushing his shoulder when she heard footsteps on the stairs. "Get out. If you catch this it won't be good."

He lifted his hands above his head, stepping out of her room. "Okay, okay… I'm out." He shut her door, gently scratching his side as the bullet wound started to itch with healing.


	266. Chapter 266

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Six**

Jessica flipped on her uncle's surveillance equipment that she'd hooked up to the camera she'd planted in John's amp, smiling as she saw that he was hanging out on his bed without a shirt. "No better view…" She whispered, squinting at the black marking on his left arm. "A tattoo? How long has he had that?"

* * *

John rubbed his hand over the back of his hips, pausing in his actions when he felt the bumps on his skin. "Mom?" He turned the water for his shower off, wrapping a towel around his hips before he walked down to the kitchen where Clarissa was fixing dinner. "Mom, I think I caught the pox."

Clarissa dropped the tomato she was holding, rushing over to him and examining his body for the dreaded rash. "Damnit…" She hissed, grabbing a bottle of Calamine lotion and immediately staring to slather it over his body. "I was afraid of this."

John dropped his towel slightly, letting her get every welt on his hips while at the same time protecting his manhood from her. "It's not gonna kill me is it?"

She shook her head, taking in how close the rash was to his private area. "I don't think it'll kill you… but if we don't get this under control, it might make you infertile."

His eyes widened, fear coursing through his body as the thought of never being able to make babies shot through his mind. "How can I get rid of it?"

She sighed, picking up the phone and dialing a direct line to Ryan's office. "I'll ask Ryan if we can use penicillin and what treatments he would suggest."

* * *

Dominic stared blankly at the wall, gently bouncing Sage and Flynn in his arms to get them to burp. "When are we gonna get to sleep again?" He asked, jumping as Flynn spit up on his pajama pants.

Jade rocked in the rocking chair they'd moved into the bedroom, glaring at her future husband while she breastfed Violet on one boob and Iris on the other. "I don't think we get to sleep until they go to college."

He looked at the dark circles around her eyes, smiling at the sight of her feeding his children. "Well, as long as I get to see boobies at two AM, I'm happy."

She rolled her eyes, suddenly realizing that she was still engaged to an eighteen-year-old boy. "Dom, my body is not as hot as it was a few months ago." She handed Iris and Violet over to him, taking Flynn and Sage from him to change their diapers.

He smiled, looking at her belly and the scab from the C-section along her hips. "Baby, you're even more beautiful than the day I met you." He laid Violet and Iris on their bellies over his lap, gently patting their backs to get them to burp.

She barked a laugh, wiping Sage's butt and rubbing some diaper cream into her hind end. "You're just saying that because you're delusional from sleep deprivation."

He shook his head, taking her hand in his right before Iris burped and his lap was covered in even more spit up. "I mean it Jade. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and the best mother I could ask to care for my children."

She leaned down, gently kissing his lips. "Yeah, well, I pee when I sneeze now. And I have stretchmarks so big they'd put a tiger to shame."

He chuckled, handing her Iris and Violet so that he could change his pants while she changed their butts. "Well, I like tigers and to tell the truth, I've done worse than pee when I sneeze." He kissed her neck, taking Sage and Flynn to put them in their cribs. "I've shat my pants while I was drunk."

She laughed, the first real laugh since the babies had been born. "That is pretty bad."


	267. Chapter 267

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Seven**

Phoebe pushed John's door open, not understanding why Clarissa wanted her to be around him and Claire so much since they were sick. "John?"

He growled, rolling over on his bed to look at her. "Did Mom send you in here with more itch cream?" He asked, rubbing his hands over his arms and chest.

She shook her head, climbing into his bed with him. "No, she wants me to get them for some reason." She touched the rash on his chest, biting her lip when she saw that some of them were bleeding or scabbed over. "Do they hurt?" She asked, placing her hand on his forehead to feel for a fever.

He shook his head, biting his lips as the spots around his genitals started to itch again. "Not really, it's more annoying than anything."

She yawned, closing her eyes as she cuddled into his chest. "You're warm." She smiled, feeling his hands wrap around her.

* * *

Dominic yawned lifting Violet up and holding her close to his chest. "Hey Princess…" He smiled, taking a bottle of formula from Jade as she tried to replenish her breastmilk supply. "How're you today?"

She giggled, her little toothless grin shining up at her daddy.

Jade rubbed her head, watching as he flipped a pancake in the pan after taking Violet from him. "Are you going over to the Clubhouse today?" She asked, wishing that she and the babies could go over to check on them and see if they were all well.

He smiled, leaning over and kissing her head as the Cook's truck pulled up in the driveway. "No, I'm gonna stay here for the weekend."

Lee opened their door, holding a giant cake out as Bridget brought in an armful of gifts. "And how are the proud parents today?" He grinned, picking up Flynn from the play mat and bouncing him in his arms.

Dominic reached a hand out in warning, wincing as Flynn puked on Lee's nice shirt. "Yeah… I was gonna warn you about that… they just ate."

Lee chuckled, taking a rag from Jade and wiping Flynn's chin. "Don't worry about it, we've had six kids in our time as parents, spit up happens."

Bridget gave the young parents a strong hug, sitting at the counter with Jade as the men started to talk in the living room. "How's your incision doing?" She asked, tracing her hand over the scab when Jade lifted her PJ shirt up.

"It itches really bad." She jumped as Iris's tiny cry reached her ears.

Bridget placed her hand on Jade's arm, smiling as Dominic picked the child up and began to sooth her. "Dad needs a part in this too." She placed a cup of coffee before the new mother, combing her tangled hair back over her shoulder. "Parenting's a team effort."

Jade nodded, sipping on the coffee as Bridget dished up a few pancakes for her. "It's just hard… knowing when to step back and let him do it."

Bridget laughed, her eyes flitting over to where the men were playing with the quads. "I know, but he wants to help, and you need to let him."


	268. Chapter 268

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Eight**

Clarissa dumped a bunch of Oatmeal-Milk bath mix into the tub, smiling when John appeared in the doorway to the bathroom. "Just in time." She set a timer, fully aware that after nearly a week of dealing with the pox he was getting sick of the treatments. "Twenty minutes. No more, no less."

He growled, rolling his eyes as he began to strip down. "I feel like a swamp monster."

She laughed, covering her eyes as he took his pants off. "Well, it works. Besides, I want grandbabies." She poured some oatmeal bath over his head, rubbing the concoction into his scalp. "And I'm sure you don't want to use a sperm donor."

He glared at her, sinking lower in the bath until his chin was in the water and his knees were just above the surface. "Can I just freeze some of my swimmers?"

She sighed, standing and leaving him to finish his soak. "Just soak in there for a while."

* * *

Toby laughed as John strummed on his guitar, shaking his head at his welt-covered friend. "Hey chicken skin."

John flipped him off, groaning as Toby handed him a plastic cup. "Not again…" He hated the tests, he didn't like being forced to jerk off. "God, I hate this shit." He took the cup from Toby, setting it on his dresser. "And you wouldn't think it was so funny if you could end up sterile or dead."

Toby smirked, taking his guitar from him and setting it in the stand beside the amp in the corner of his room. "You still look like a fucking zombie."

John flipped him off, laughing when Toby hit him with a pillow. "Fuck off dick-wad!" He picked up his own pillow, throwing it at his friend and pinning him under his body.

* * *

Jessica bit her lip as John and Toby wrestled, annoyed that Toby was prolonging the time between the tests that John was supposed to do. "Toby, stop dinking around."

* * *

Dominic walked with Jade through the supermarket, picking up the diapers and formula while she grabbed the baby powder and rash cream. "Ok, this should last us a day and a half." He joked, nudging Jade's side as she looked at the cute little toys.

"I wish we could afford those for them…" She sighed, knowing that money was tight; even with Dominic working at the tattoo shop and the royalties coming in from the albums the band had sold, they were still struggling to make ends meet.

Dominic bit his lip, playing with Iris's little hand when she grabbed his finger. "We will, we just have to wait a little bit." He kissed her head, trying to ignore the truth of what was coming down their road. "Thomas and Clarissa said we can move in with them if we need to."

"I think we should." She pushed the cart forward, leaning on his shoulder as the continued to shop. "Their two-week appointments are coming up, and I'm gonna need to get my stitches out soon, rent is coming up, our phone bill's overdue, the electric bill-"

He turned her to look at him, taking her hands in his as they shook with worry. "Honey, we're okay. After the Chicken Pox goes through the house, we'll go over there. But I can't risk you five getting that this soon after birth."

She nodded, letting him wipe the tears from her eyes before they started shopping again. "I'm just worried…"

He kissed her cheek, slipping one of the toys into his cart without her noticing. "Don't be. It'll work out."

* * *

Claire opened John's bedroom door, laughing as she flung herself onto his bed and caused his notebook to go flying from his hands. "Hello!" She grinned, tilting her chin up as he kissed her lips.

He chuckled, rolling his body on top of hers as he kissed her more. He pushed his hands into her hair, pressing his hips against hers as he pushed more force into the kiss. He moaned as he felt her hands grip at his t-shirt, slipping his own hand under her blouse. "I love you…" He gasped, resting his forehead against hers as they stared into each other's eyes. "Te amo con todo mi ser."

She smiled, grabbing a pillow from behind her head and pushing it into his face. "I love you more." She laughed, screaming as he fell off of the bed. "You okay?" She asked, shaking her head when he coughed.


	269. Chapter 269

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Sixty-Nine**

Clarissa placed a huge meal on the table, smiling as she looked around at the family. She lifted her glass, resting her hand on Jade's shoulder. "Well, it took a while with the Chicken Pox epidemic, but we're finally able to welcome four new lives into the world!"

John laughed, taking Flynn from Dominic's arms and holding him like a football. "Hey Hulk." He smiled, poking Flynn's belly as Claire leaned over his shoulder to see the baby.

Her brow furrowed slightly as she noticed something so familiar in Flynn's eyes, it was just a hint, almost invisible, but she could see it. "His eyes changed." She smiled, letting him hold her finger. "They changed like John's."

Dominic chuckled, looking at the still darkening circles around his cousin's eyes. "I think we both look like racoons right now…" He pointed to the circles around his own eyes. "A matter of fact, since there's so many of us around to watch the little ones, I'm gonna go crash in John's room." He pushed back from the table, already pulling his shirt over his head before he was even half-way up the stairs.

* * *

John stretched, rubbing his eyes as he looked at Jade and Dominic snoring in his bed. "Good thing I'm welcome in Claire's room." He smiled, closing the door before he walked across the hallway to Claire's bedroom.

Claire looked up from her sketch ideas for a new clothing line. "Hey." She yawned, noticing that his movements were sloppy as he stumbled over his own feet. "Need a nap?"

He nodded, crawling into her bed and laying beside her. "Haven't slept for a couple days…" He moaned, tucking his forearms under the pillow as Claire's fingers combed through his hair. "Nightmares."

She bit her lip, leaning down to kiss the hollow between his shoulder blades. "I wish they would stop." She touched one of the whip lashes on his back, her heart aching with the amount she could count on his skin. "I wish I could have stopped this…"

* * *

Asher bounced Iris in his arms, leaning back on the sofa as they all settled in to watch Snow White with the teens and babies. "They're cute little farts." He chuckled, blowing a raspberry on his great-niece's belly. "They make a good pair."

Thomas nodded, holding Clarissa's hand as they thought about the next step for the growing family. "Asher, I hate to ask you this… but do you think that you could help us build a small home for Dom, Jade, and the quads? We have the room for it in the back, it's just a matter of building it."

Asher grinned, letting Iris hold his finger in her hand. "Of course!" He kissed Sara's lips, thinking about their own child who was on the way. "I'll start on the blueprints tonight."

Sara let a laugh rumble in her throat. "Just don't stay up until three in the morning." She patted his cheek, the stubble on his chin rough against her hand.


	270. Chapter 270

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy**

Carl chuckled as John climbed into his truck, looking at the mussed hair on his head and over all 'I just rolled out of bed' look he had going on at the moment. "Morning Johnny B." He smiled, starting up his vehicle and starting down the road for the school.

John leaned his head on the window, rubbing his eyes with the heal of his hand. "Why does school have to be so early?" He grumbled, patting Chance's head as she laid her head on his lap.

Carl shrugged, wincing as the Pit Bull's tail whapped on his thigh and caused it to sting. "Because they like to torture you." He reached into his bag, handing John a huge Boquete of red roses. "It's Valentine's Day, by the way."

John took the flowers from him, realization slowly dawning on him as he realized that he'd forgotten that Claire liked Valentine's Day. "Shit…" He dug into his wallet, pulling out a twenty and handing it to Carl. "Can you do me a favor?"

Carl nodded, cocking a brow with curiosity as to what was going though this kid's head. "What you need?"

"Claire was looking at this huge teddy bear in Retro Planet. It's about five feet tall, and has a pink ribbon around its neck with a black nose, dark chocolate fur, and is holding a cup of coffee that says 'I love you more than coffee' on it."

Carl shook his head, laughing with all the details John could remember. "Good God, they weren't kidding about that photographic memory, were they?"

John rolled his eyes slipping his fingers into a hidden pocket inside of Chance's service animal vest, he pulled out another fifteen dollars. "It's was $34.86, so this should cover it."

Carl patted John's shoulder, happy to see a hint of the old light of ambition in those eyes again. "Alright, I'll bring it by later today."

John grinned, writing down Claire's combo to her locker. "19-45-23, is her combo, she's right next to my locker. You can't miss that."

"I'm sure I can't." He turned into the parking lot of the school, patting Chance on the hips as she moved to jump out of the truck with John. "It's the one with sharpie on it and a noose tied at the top, right?"

"How did you know that?"

"You've been doing that same move since junior high." He tossed the roses to John, smirking at the shock on his face. "Get going, Shithead!"

* * *

John slowly wrapped his hands for boxing practice, swallowing his fear with the movements. "They won't die…" He whispered, pulling the wraps tight before he pulled a glove on. "Everyone will be okay…"

Toby watched his friend for a moment, able to see that he was fighting memories. He bit his lip, worried for John's safety while he fought. He knew that John had competed in illegal fights while he'd been in Mexico, but he didn't want to think about what other abuse he'd taken while down there. "You alright?" He took a seat next to John, wrapping his elbow in tape to help support it.

John nodded, attempting to ignore the red tinting his vision. "Yeah… I'm good." He pushed himself to stand, rolling his shoulders only to catch Braxton and a few other of his teammates staring at the new scars on his back. "Just a little tired."

* * *

Carl unlocked Claire's locker, stuffing the giant teddy bear inside with a card he'd bought with the extra money. "Hope that'll work, Kiddo." He smiled, jumping when he turned and nearly ran into a woman, he'd met more than fifteen years ago. "Bianca?"

Mrs. Hernandez's eyes widened, reaching toward the man she'd been forced to leave when she was no more than fourteen. "Carl?" She touched his cheek, tears brimming in her eyes. "Carl Reed…"

He smiled, taking her hands in his own. "What happened?" He remembered the last image of her he had, watching her driving away from Chicago with her parents. She'd been pregnant with his child at that time, and he'd never gotten to see her or the baby again.

She dropped her gaze, remembering the painful birth she'd gone through without any support. "My parents made me give him up for adoption after he was born… I don't know where he is, or even what his name is…"

Carl nodded, kissing her head and pulling her close to his chest. "Bianca… I'm so sorry…"

She closed her eyes taking comfort in his embrace, the embrace she'd been deprived of since that day. Even through her entire four years of marriage, she'd never felt this loved. "I've missed you…"


	271. Chapter 271

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-One**

John lifted his fists in front of his face, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he attempted to keep his senses sharp. He waited for Toby to make the first move, able to feel his stomach knotting as the echo of a gunshot sounded in the back of his mind.

Finally, Toby took a swing at John, barely catching the change in his eyes as he went back into his memories. "John–" He was cut off as John's fist collided with his chest, barely having time to catch his breath before he had to scramble away from him. "John, snap out of it!" He circled around his friend, grabbing him from the back and holding him to his chest. "John, you're in the gym at school, you're with your teammates in boxing, you're safe, it's a game." He whispered into John's ear as he felt the tension ease out of his muscles, slowly lowering them both to the ground and releasing John as the flashback faded. "There you go…"

"I… killed them…"

He gasped for air, his chest tightening with guilt. "They died because of me."

Coach Lauchner knelt beside the two, regret showing in his eyes with his words. "John, I have to cut you from the team…" He placed a hand on his knee, hating that he had to do this. "I don't want to. You're the best on the team, but with the flashbacks… for your own health, I can't keep you on."

"Coach–"

"I'm sorry John." He sighed, remembering the files on John's health that Clarissa had shown him. "I have to bench you."

* * *

Claire grinned as she opened her locker, pulling the bear out and holding it close as John took the new jacket out of his locker. "Happy Valentine's Day, Sugar." She pulled his head down to meet her lips, resting her head against his chest to hear his heart.

He smiled, reading the stitching on the coat. "John Bender, El Jefe, Uncle Johnny." He touched the threads, kissing her hand and swinging her into a slow dance. "I love it."

John kicked a pebble down the street, looking up as he heard Amelia's voice in her school yard.

"Leave me alone!" She shouted, falling on her butt as the boy shoved her.

John picked up his pace, opening his mouth to tell the kid off when Amelia got back up and punched the kid square in the teeth. "Ha!" He laughed, a lop-sided grin falling over his face as blood ran down the kid's chin. "Go Amelia!"

Amelia turned to see him, grinning before she turned back to the boy. "Boys who push and hit women are bitches." She stated, turning back to John and marching away.

John shook his head, picking her up and smirking with pride. "That's my girl." He kissed her cheek, lifting her onto his shoulders and holding onto her ankles. "Don't ever take shit from boys like that."

* * *

Dominic's eye twitched as Flynn started crying again, lifting him up and rocking in the recliner that was in the living room of the Clubhouse. "Damnit, Hulk, go to sleep."

Ryan rubbed his eyes yawning as he stepped into the living room. "What's wrong?" He asked, placing his hand on the baby's head.

"I don't know… he won't sleep." Dominic rubbed his temple, worry for his son causing a headache to hit him. "I can't get him to stop crying."

Ryan nodded, taking the child from his father and touching his tummy. "I think he has the croup." He picked up a thermometer, taking Flynn's diaper and onesie off before he took his temperature. "He's running a fever." He listened to his heart and breathing, sighing as he heard the rasp in his lungs. "Yep. Croup."

Dominic groaned, remembering what he'd read in the parenting books about how to help with easing the breath and fever that came with this. "I'll start the car…" He pulled on his jacket, slipping John's slippers on and grabbing his keys.


	272. Chapter 272

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Two**

Dominic drove around the block for the eighth time in the last hour, looking in the rearview mirror to see that Flynn had finally fallen asleep. "Thank God…" He sighed, pulling into the parking lot and parking his car. He opened the car door, taking Flynn from his car carrier and carrying him inside.

He placed his child in his crib, collapsing into the bed and curling onto his side.

* * *

John wolfed down his breakfast, wincing as his wisdom teeth started to hurt again. "Ow…"

Clarissa cocked her brow, suddenly remembering that he still hadn't gotten his teeth out. "Oh God, I forgot to make your appointment again." She picked up the phone, dialing the number for Dr. Hicks office.

John glared at her, picking up his coffee cup as she made the appointment for his teeth to be taken out. He rolled his eyes, picking up Amelia when she lifted her arms up to him. "Hey, Squirt." He smiled, rubbing his chin on her neck to make the scruff tickle her. "What's up?"

She giggled, pushing his face away from her and giving him a little kiss on the cheek. "You're weird." She grabbed a bacon piece off of his plate, crossing her eyes as she munched on it.

Claire slid into the chair next to them, giving a fake glare at the kid. "Are you trying to steal my man?" She smirked, kissing John's lips when he leaned toward her.

John chuckled, combing his fingers into her hair. "No one could steal me from you…" He gave her a peck on the lips, opening his eyes afterwards to meet her dark eyes. "Mi corazón."

She smiled, looking up at her mother when she wrote down she and John's appointment to get their teeth out. "Mon amour." She spoke in clear French, giving a little laugh as his eyes changed to the dark chocolate brown she loved so much.

* * *

Asher rocked Violet in his arms, smiling while he watched Sara, Mary, and Katharine all fussed over the other three. "Goodness sakes alive!" He laughed. "You're gonna give those babies a heart attack with how you hens fuss over them."

Sara wrinkled her nose at him, lifting Flynn up and bouncing him on her hip. "You be quiet."

Mary nodded, looking up from her game a peak-a-boo with Sage. "Just be happy that they all survived." She knew it was rare that quads would survive their first few weeks of life, the shock and early birthdate were usually the factors of death, if not the fact that the parents struggled to take care of all four and their selves. "Jimmy, can you run up and check on Dominic and Jade?"

Jim smiled, bobbing his head and running up the stairs. He peaked into John's bedroom, laughing at the odd positions that the young parents were sleeping in. "They must be tired."

* * *

John stepped into his Spanish class, smiling at Mrs. Hernandez as she adjusted her dress around her hips. "Hola!" He greeted, taking his seat just before he saw the photo of Carl on her desk.


	273. Chapter 273

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Three**

Claire gave John a kiss at their lockers, pulling his flannel off of his shoulders and swinging it onto her own before he left for his shop class. "Love you, Sugar."

John chuckled, turning to his class as he thought about her wearing his shirt. "Love you too, Sweets."

John opened the shop door, pulling on his leathers and grabbing a helmet before he walked over to the stick welder. He picked up a rod, and started on his latest project. He soon became engrossed in the buzz and heat of the welder, the sweat that dripped from his brow, the green glow of the light through his mask, the scent of his sweat and the molten metal mixing in his nose. He jumped as a harsh hand clamped onto his shoulder, turning to see Timothy behind him. "Fuck off!" He barked, curling his lip to show his sharp canine tooth.

"Murderer." Timothy sneered, poking John in the chest. "You killed those people in the rings. It's your fault that they're dead."

John's pupils dilated for a moment, the boom of a gunshot echoing in his ears. "I did what I had to." He glared at the bigger kid, yelping in pain when Timothy's hand collided with his jaw.

Timothy kicked the back of John's knee, making him fall to the concrete floor before he placed his boot over his ear. "Don't get smart with me, Jackass." He shifted his weight to put more pressure on John's head, smiling at the cry of pain that escaped him as he felt something in his jaw shift. "I could kill you right now."

"Tim!" Shouted Mr. Maxam, pulling the brute off of the recovering teen, as the smaller boy cried in pain on the floor. "Principal's office. Now!" He shoved the teen out of the shop, returning to John's form on the floor and lifting him up to his feet before he took him into his office to recover for a moment. "You're okay." He soothed, brushing John's hair back from his ear only to see the little bit of blood on his scalp. "It's alright, we'll get you fixed up." He wet a paper towel under the drinking fountain, dabbing it over the bloody hair to clean the wound.

John wiped his cheeks, squeezing his eyes shut as Mr. Maxam moved his head to get a better view of the cut. "Jacob… us-ed to do that…" he struggled to even out his breath, biting down on his gum as Mr. Maxam rubbed some Neosporin into the cut.

He nodded, sitting beside John to help him fight back the demons trying to overtake him. "Just relax, John. You'll be okay. You're safe now." He hated to think about what this kid had gone through, the pain he'd felt, the fear he'd lived with. "You're okay." He draped an old blanket over the kid's shoulders, rubbing his arms to help soothe him.

* * *

Clarissa stomped down the halls to the school, shoving the door to Mr. Anderson's office open. "What the hell happened to my son?" Her eyes were like the fires of hell, as she glared at the principal. "He has a cut on his head that looks like it was made by something in his shop class, and he's been shaking like a chihuahua since he got home. He won't eat, and any time he tries to, he throws it up again."

Principal Anderson sighed, wishing that the trauma would have stopped by now. "He was tackled by Timothy Bennet in shop today… Timothy has been suspended for three weeks, and will not graduate with his class. He happened to pull a move on Johnathan, that his biological father used to use as a punishment."

Clarissa's eyes widened, her hands balling into fists at the knowledge. "He tried to crush his skull." She shook her head, turning toward the door. "Tell the Bennet's that we're going to sue for the trauma."


	274. Chapter 274

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Four**

Claire brushed John's hair away from the cut on his head, thanking God that it hadn't been worse than a little cut that only needed one stitch. "Feeling better?" She asked, looking into his eyes to see that they were still tinted yellow.

He shook his head, hissing as Claire rubbed some antibacterial cream into his hair. "I want a smoke." He rasped, letting her move his head so that she could see through his thick head of hair.

"You can't have one." She lifted her eyes as her mother walked into the house, able to see that she was steaming mad. "Wanna watch Gilligan's Island?"

He nodded, leaning on her as they flipped on the TV and cuddled under the blanket they'd been using for the last hour. "Where's the Flower Garden Gang?"

Clarissa stormed into Thomas's office, sitting in the chair across his desk. "We're suing." She stated, unaware that John could still hear her.

"Clarissa, John is the one this happened to, he should be the one to make the choice." Thomas set Phoebe's adoption papers aside, as he listened to Clarissa's momma bear rant.

"Tom-"

"I'm not suing." John whispered, leaning on the doorframe with fatigue as his legs shook under his weight. "I don't want their money…"

Carl placed a hand on John's back able to see that he was growing weak from lack of food and the exertion that vomiting had taken out of him. "Why don't you sit down, kiddo." He pressed a cool cloth to the cut on his head, hoping to take some of the swelling out of it.

"I don't want to sue them." John winced as Carl pushed on his head, trying to pull away before He held Carl held him in place. "He's already suspended. I don't want their money."

Clarissa grit her teeth, her anger reaching its peak boiling point. "Johnathan, you are injured. You cannot be making these decisions right now." She held up her hand as John started to speak, effectively shutting him up. "Now is not the time to show that oversized heart of yours. You need to learn to fight back-"

"I have fought!" John snapped, shaking Carl off as he stood. "I've fought my entire life! I don't want to fight anymore!" He wobbled slightly, his head spinning. "I… want to sleep…"

Thomas rushed over to the teen, catching him as his legs gave out. "Clarissa, we'll talk about this later. Carl, can you take John upstairs and put him to bed?"

Carl nodded, lifting John's limp body and carrying him up the stairs to the room that he and Claire were sharing. "Rest up, Johnny." He covered John's skinny torso up, shaking his head as he placed the cold cloth on John's head.


	275. Chapter 275

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Five**

Claire paused at the door to her bedroom, listening to the quiet sobs from inside. "John?" She opened her room, taking in the sight of John curled on his side as tears streamed down his cheeks. "What's the matter?" She placed her hand on his side, her heart breaking as he flinched at her touch.

He pulled a pillow over his head, his body shaking with exhaustion and tears. "I don't want to fight like this anymore." He sobbed.

Claire sat on the bed with him, matching the curve of her body to his own. "What are you fighting?" She asked, taking the pillow off of his head so that she could hear him, and also get a look at the cut on his scalp.

"I'm just tired of fighting." He hiccupped, pulling away slightly when she moved his hair away from the cut and caused it to pull at the scab. "I'm tired of fighting everyone else. I just want to be able to relax and stop for once."

She bit her lip, burying her nose in his neck. She suckled at his skin, praying that there could be some way to take this pain away from him. She breathed his scent, forcing herself to ignore the smell of the antibacterial cream in his hair. His body was warm against her own, every muscle holding a strength that had come from necessity and not choice, his skin was scarred and broken; but this was her John. He was her fiancé, her one love, her man, and nothing would take him from her. "I'll talk to Mom. She's just worried about you." She kissed his shoulder, trailing her lips over the scars on his skin. "We all are." She jumped as a light snore escaped him, smiling at the fact that he was actually sleeping for once in the last month. "Goodnight, Sugar."

* * *

Jessica watched as John and Claire walked through the park, glaring as the two took a seat on a bench along the trails and opened their Spanish and French books. "I hate that bitch." She growled, pushing her permed hair out of her face.

Timothy paused in his walk, tilting his head and cocking a brow at the opportunity he was hearing. "You like that skinny little fag, don't you?" He asked, nodding to John as he attempted to learn the words Claire was trying to teach him in French.

"I've grown up with him. He's been my crush since fifth grade, and he actually used to be the biggest asshole to Claire when we were kids." She crossed her arms, shifting her weight to her left foot. "But Claire betrayed me and took him even though she knew that I liked him."

Timothy gave an evil smirk, his blue eyes flashing with mischief. "How about we make a deal. I want Claire, and you want Dickweed over there." He turned to the shorter girl, nodding to the couple on the bench. "If we work together, we can break them up, and steal one for ourselves."

She grinned, holding her hand out and shaking his. "Deal."


	276. Chapter 276

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Six**

"Okay, I'll bet you can't say this." John leaned back on the bench, smirking as he spoke in clear, perfect Spanish. "Besame ahora."

She cocked a brow, able to see that bad boy smirk and the glint of passion in his eyes —like the sharp edge of a knife, or the fangs of a wolf ready to bite. "That doesn't mean something profane and graphic, does it?"

He laughed, the hearty, roaring, joyful laugh that no one had heard since he and Phoebe had been rescued from Mexico. "No. It means 'Kiss me now.'"

She opened her mouth, nodding sarcastically as she gave him a sidelong glance. "Uh huh, sure it does." She smirked, not giving him the satisfaction of speaking such words in the language that she adored coming from his lips.

He snapped his gum, nudging her with his shoulder and taking her hand in his. "I love you Sweets." He chuckled, catching the mischievous smile on her lips.

She stood, kicking off her shoes and taking off through the grass. "Bet you can't catch me!" She called, laughing as she ran.

"You little fart!" He yelled, dropping his Spanish book, before he bolted after her. "Come back here!" He tripped on a uneven spot in the grass, tucking into a ball and rolling before he got back up. "Claire! Come on!" He slowed in his steps, gasping for air as he placed his hands on his knees. "God… I'm out of shape."

Claire jumped onto a low tree limb, waiting patiently for John to come join her. "John, I'm not gonna wait forever!"

He sighed, jogging toward her and climbing into the tree with her. "I must be out of shape."

Claire nodded, touching his side where the bullet wound had been. "Well, it did take a while for that to heal and you were bedridden for weeks." She kissed his jaw, giggling before she scrambled up the tree like a squirrel.

John sighed, rolling his eyes before he started to climb after her. He whistled, ignoring the rough bark as it scratched at his fingertips. "I like this view the best!"

"John!" She squealed, shooting a fake glare down at him. "Stop looking up my dress!"

He smirked, yelping as his foot slipped slightly and he had to scramble to regain his footing. "I'm okay." He gasped, smiling up at Claire when he saw her worried face. "I just slipped a little. I'm okay."

She climbed onto a limb, waiting for him to join her near the top of the tree. "Look," she pointed to the pond in the middle of the park, "a duck family."

He chuckled, turning to her and resting his scruffy chin on her shoulder. "Quack!" He smiled as she pushed his face away from her, tenderly kissing her lips. "I love you." He whispered, looking into her eyes as he held her close.

"I love you more." She sighed, listening to his strong heart deep in his chest.


	277. Chapter 277

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Seven**

Leon held out a warrant for John's arrest, shoving it into Thomas's face as he forced himself inside. "Johnathan has been accused of possession of illegal substances. I'm here to take him into custody of LAPD."

Thomas glared at the man, giving John a miniature sign language order to hide. "John has no such thing on his person."

John licked his lips, his dark eyes searching for a hint as to what exactly was happening. "Leon, what are you talking about?"

Leon grabbed John's arm, forcing his hands behind his back as he clipped the handcuffs to his wrists. "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law." He patted John down, cocking a brow when he found a small object in his pocket. He pulled it out to show that it was a tube of chap stick, along with a packet of gum, and a tin of throat lozenges. "No weapons?" He asked, even going as far as to pat John's crotch to make sure he didn't have anything hidden in his underwear.

John shook his head, lifting his eyes to Claire as she froze in the stairway. "No, Sir. Only a few small odds and ends to keep my voice strong."

Leon pulled John from the house, forcing him into the squad car and driving away with him as the rest of the family watched. "That voice might get you a little favor in the worst part of the prison."

* * *

Clarissa slowly opened Claire's bedroom door, shaking her head at the mess that always seemed to magically appear when both John and Claire were in the same room together. She picked up a pair of John's jeans, pausing when she saw something odd fall out of the pocket. She knelt down, her brow furrowing as she lifted the fabric bag from the ground and opened it to see a syringe, and several small doses of crystal meth inside. "No…" She lifted a hand to her mouth, her eyes widening with the memory of the side effects and aftershocks. "Tom?" She called for her husband, to afraid to move lest John should appear in the middle of a seizure before her. "Tom! Come in here!"

Thomas stopped at his daughter's door, his heart seeming to stop with the sight of John's jeans and the bag in his wife's hands. "Is it?" He couldn't finish the sentence, the fear of another relapse to real in the moment. "Please tell me it's rock candy…"

She shook her head, fighting back the tears. "It's meth…"


	278. Chapter 278

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Eight**

John stumbled as he was roughly pushed into a cell, watching as the barred door slammed on him. He glared at Leon, knowing better than to mouth off in here with cameras and microphones hidden all over the place. "Can you at least tell me what substance I was supposedly in possession of?" He asked, calmly stepping up to the door and gently gripping the bars in his long, thin fingers. "Because I know it would have to be a hell of a lot worse than pot for you to get a warrant."

Leon sneered, slamming his knight stick against the bars only inches from John's hands. "I don't have to tell you anything." He leaned closer to John's cell, taking in the yellow rays in the boy's eyes. "Needle Man." He spat a wad of tobacco chew at the kid, smiling when he wiped the black junk off of his face with disgust. "Figure it out. You'll be in here for a while."

* * *

Mary looked between the redheads before her, joining into the conversation about John's possible relapse. "He wouldn't chose this drug. And if he was using it, we would have noticed."

Ryan nodded, remembering how John's behavior had been incredibly aggressive and hostile when he'd been going through the high and all throughout the detox. "He wouldn't be John either, he'd be the old John, the one we learned to fear." He looked at the meth on the table, pressing his lips into a thin line. "And, he wouldn't be careless enough to leave it in a place where anyone could get ahold of it." He hated to admit it, but when John didn't want you do find something, you didn't find it. He was a master at hiding not only small objects, but items that were larger than himself at times. "He's smart. Even when he is high, he knows how to hide shit and keep it where it won't be found. If he'd gotten wind that anyone _might_ have an idea of where something is, he moves it. He's like a squirrel that way."

Thomas thought for a moment, fully aware that John wouldn't risk it again. Not after the seizures and his visit to the rehab center. John couldn't stay away from Claire that long without going a little insane. "Someone planted it on him then."

Clarissa looked over the group, knowing that he was only alone for short times and usually liked to have someone near that he trusted. "But… who?"

* * *

John rested his head back against the cold bars of his cell, tossing a bouncy ball into the wall as an attempt to have some form of entertainment. It'd taken him hours to get the guard riled up enough to give the ball to him, and by now his voice was so raw that he could hardly speak. He blew a breath out of his nose, choosing to ignore the sleaze ball in the cell next to him as he continued to harass him.

"Hey, Caramel boy!" The sleaze ball barked trying to get John's attention. "What are you, like some sort of redskin? Arapaho? Cheyenne?" He leaned on the bars between them, smirking at the way John's muscles tightened slightly. "Cherokee?"

"Fuck off." John growled, knowing full well that the Cherokee showed in his high cheekbones and his slender build.

"That's it, isn't it? You a little tee pee dweller, aren't you?" He tilted his head, taking in every bit of John's heritage he could see. "Greek too, huh?" He smirked, leaning closer to his target. "You know what they say about Greeks, don't you? That they'll fuck anything that walks."

"Shut up!" John shouted, turning his pitch-black eyes on the man. "Just leave me alone."

"Maybe you've got some Viking in you too…"

"Go to hell." John stepped over to his cot, unsure of what time it was exactly since he was stuck in a windowless prison.


	279. Chapter 279

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Seventy-Nine**

Claire held Flynn close to her, fighting back her tears as she rocked the child. She watched the moon rise in the dark sky, the light she loved so much, suddenly so cold to her. "We'll come for you…"

* * *

John yelped as he was roughly pulled from his cot, throwing a few weak swings as his clothes were stripped from his body. "No!" He screamed, feeling his engagement ring being pulled from his finger before he was shoved to the ground. "Give it back!" He ordered, his skinny body slamming into the barred door just seconds after it closed.

Leon chuckled, looking the teen over as he stood before him in nothing but his boxers. "No way." He sneered, handing a cup with dice in it to his companion. "You're too comfortable in there. Figured we'd give you a little more of a challenge."

John watched as a small group of cops gambled for his belongings, curling himself into a tight ball to keep what little heat he could inside of his body. The key he wore around his neck was the first to go, followed by his belt, jeans, t-shirt, flannel, shoes, and last his engagement ring went to Leon. "Please, just let me have a blanket." He hated the cold, hated feeling like an ice cube. Jacob used to leave him outside for hours in snowstorms when he didn't want him around, and as a result, he'd gotten frostbite on most of his fingers and toes and it was a miracle that he still had all of them.

Leon barked a laugh, stringing John's ring onto a chain around his neck. "I don't have to let you have anything."

"Water then." John lifted his eyes to the man, his throat parched from the lack of water. "You can't deny a prisoner his basic human rights."

"I can deny you anything I want." Leon sneered, leaning forward just to taunt the kid. "You're an adult now, you get adult treatment."

"Please!" John begged, desperate for some form of compassion from this monster.

Leon turned on his heel, marching away from the teen without another word.

"You can't do this!" John shouted, gripping the bars of his cell like a feral animal in its cage. "You can't keep me here!"

"Stop being such a pussy." Growled the sleaze ball in the next cell, still half asleep as he glared at the kid beside him. "Their crooked, they can do anything that they like."

John slammed his fists against the bars, snarling in frustration as he stalked around the cell. "Just wait until Mom and Dad get ahold of him." He growled, glaring at nothing as his lip curled in disgust. "We'll see him in a cage."


	280. Chapter 280

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty**

Jessica stepped before John's cell, biting her lip when she saw how violently he was shivering in the cold. His back was to her, and she could see every scar on his back.

"Go away." John growled, fighting back the vomit as the scent of Peppermint Schnapps and too sweet cookies filled his nose.

She stepped closer to him, jumping slightly when he gagged. "John-"

John vomited on the concrete, spitting yellow bile from his lips with the memory from his childhood.

* * *

He was nine, young enough that he hadn't tried anything too hard, but old enough that he'd smoked a few joints and drank a few kegs of beer over the year. He'd been watching silently as his mother baked Christmas cookies, hoping to snag something to eat before his father got home.

Beverly placed a pan of blackened cookies on the stove, smiling as John grabbed one and shoved them all into his mouth at once. "Don't let Dad find out." She jumped as the front door flew open, dropping her gaze as Jacob and his brother walked inside with a huge bottle of peppermint Schnapps and a couple six packs of beer.

Jacob placed the Schnapps next to John on the counter, patting his son on the back. "Got you a treat. Merry Christmas, you little Bastard."

Rueben laughed, pouring a huge glass for the kid and holding it up to his nose. "You like peppermints, right?" He smiled as John nodded, watching him down the whole glass before he started to drink from the bottle. "That's our boy." He jumped as John vomited on his shoes, his fist flying into the kid's head and knocking him out cold.

* * *

Claire flipped through John's notebook, wiping her tears away as she read over the clean lines of his handwritten poems and songs. She could see the times when his hands had shaken with emotion, and the stains on the paper from his tears and even places where cuts and scrapes had opened and bled onto the page. "Daddy's working on it. He'll get you out."

* * *

John wiped his mouth, glaring at Jessica as she offered him a glass of water. "Get out of my cell." He croaked, his eyes turning black as she leaned even closer to him.

She smiled, backing him up against the wall as she combed her fingers through his hair, in the same way she'd seen Claire do when she kissed him. "Since you're not engaged anymore-"

"Just because I don't have a fucking ring, doesn't mean I'm not engaged." He growled, stiffening when her hand brushed over a scar on his hip. "Get your hands off of me."

She pushed her lips against his, slipping her hand into his boxers and dancing her fingertips over his length. Her brow furrowed, her movements becoming more aggressive when he didn't become hard at her touch. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked, squeezing his testicles before she moved back to his member. "Can't you get hard anymore?"

He swallowed, thanking God for the fact that he was struggling with getting and keeping erections unless Claire was touching him. "Not unless it's my girl touching me."


	281. Chapter 281

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-One**

Leon's nose wrinkled as he neared John's cell, the smell of vomit so strong that he couldn't believe the kid could even breathe. "Get up." He ordered, throwing an orange jumpsuit at him and a rubber band t hold his shaggy hair back from his eyes. "Pull that rat's nest out of your face."

John pulled the jumpsuit on and tied his hair back, following Leon through the halls in hopes that he would be allowed to use the bathroom or be able to get some food. "Where are you taking me?"

Leon shoved John forward, opening a door to a stairwell and taking him down to the basement. "We've got our own fights here." He smiled as John's eyes turned pure gold, recognizing the look of fear on the boy's face. "I've got twenty bucks on your ass, so you'd better win." He pushed John into the makeshift ring, grinning as the barefoot teen prepared to fight for his life.

* * *

Clarissa held Phoebe to her, looking up as thunder rolled outside. "He'll be home soon." She whispered, kissing her head before they fell asleep.

* * *

Leon cheered as John landed a good punch, grinning at the way his eyes changed to pure black. No wonder they called the kid 'Demon Boy' when he was in Mexico, he fought like a whole pack of wolves; using each and every part of him as a weapon against his opponent. "There you go you little fag."

A female cop scowled at the way Leon was making his choice fight —barefoot against the others who all had heavy steel-toed shoes on. She hated that John was the youngest in the ring, at barely three months past his eighteenth birthday, he was the youngest they'd ever put in the underground ring. "Leon, let him rest." She placed a hand on his arm, flinching when a raw scream of pain escaped the teen. "He's wearing out."

Leon growled, noticing how John was now favoring his left foot. "As long as he can throw a punch, he'll stay in that ring."

The woman cop looked back to the ring, wincing when she saw that John's toes were bloody and some looked broken. "Leon. If you keep him in there, you'll be lucky if he can walk."

"So what? He won't be around very long anyway."

* * *

John groaned as one of the cops set his broken foot, biting down so hard that his jaw popped. "Fuck…" He hissed, letting the woman wrap his foot up and clean his bloody knuckles. "Why are you helping me?" He asked, propping his foot up on the end of his cot.

"Because, even a crooked cop can show a little compassion once in a while." She dabbed some ointment over his cheekbone, holding a cold rag against his swelling eye and placing a butterfly bandage across the split in his lip. "You never really had those drugs on you, did you?"

John shook his head, leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes. "No… I used to use all the time when I was a kid, but I've been sober for four months and sixteen days."

"That's good to hear." She pulled his hair out of the rubber-band, glaring at the next cell where Mathew Filkins was. He was a pervert who used his position as a genealogist to pray on naïve young women who were trying to find their families. "Filkins, leave this boy alone." She ordered, having already looked at both of their files. "I've seen him fight, and you do not want to get on his bad side."


	282. Chapter 282

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Two**

John curled around himself, his stomach twisting painfully with the hunger from more than four days without food, and only enough water to keep him alive. He hadn't been granted a trip to the restroom in hours, and his bladder felt like it was about to explode if he didn't get a chance to relieve himself soon. "God damnit…" He groaned, rocking back and forth in an attempt to stop the pain. "Leon!" He shouted, praying that the asshat would hear him. "Leon! Bathroom!"

Mathew scoffed, rolling his eyes as he watched the kid squirm in pure agony. "What the hell did you do to piss him off so bad?"

"His niece is obsessed with me, but I'm engaged to another girl." He moaned in pain as his stomach began to feel like it was starting to eat itself. "LEON!" He screamed, the veins on his neck starting show through the skin on his neck. "LEON! DON'T MAKE ME TAKE A PISS IN HERE!"

Leon appeared a few moments later, opening the door and grabbing John by the collar of his jumpsuit. "This is the last time I'm coming to get you. It's three in the fucking morning, I'm not getting out of bed to get you to the bathroom again." He shoved John into one of the bathroom stalls, listening as a zipper was undone and John relieved himself with a sigh.

"Thank you…" He whispered, leaning against the stall for a moment before he was forced back into his cage.

"Don't bother me again." He growled, pushing John so hard that his weakened body collapsed to the floor.

John coughed, pushing himself onto all fours as he spoke. "Yes, Sir…" He rasped, his voice hoarse from lack of water.

* * *

Leon scowled at John's busted toes, watching as Maddy rewrapped the kid's foot. "You better be able to fight tonight." He spat, watching as John's eyes turned from their usual brown, to the black he'd learned was anger. "Jessica will be by later. Don't try anything unless she asks."

John nodded, his body going lax when Leon had left. "I'm so sick of fighting." He breathed, flinching as Maddy pulled the wrapping too tight on his foot.

Maddy nodded, remembering the tapes from John's fights in Mexico. "Just give Jessica what she wants. It'll stop."

"No. I can't betray Claire. I would rather die fighting, than live with the guilt of betraying her." He glared at nothing, feeling a thin needle pressing into his neck just moments before his world went black.

* * *

Jessica smiled as John's head lolled to the side, able to see that he was starting to come too. "Morning sleepy head." She brushed his hair out of his face, rubbing her thumb along the line between his furrowed brows. "How do you feel?"

John cracked his eyes open, stiffening when he saw that he was completely naked. "What the-" He was cut off by Jessica's hand over his lips.

"Shh…" She whispered, letting her other hand travel down to just below his hips to tease him. "Here, maybe this will help you relax." She took her blouse off, unclasping her bra to show her breasts to him. "I promise, if you fuck me, I'll get Uncle Leo to let you out." She straddled his hips, pressing her breasts to his pecs and moving herself against his manhood. "All you have to do, is say yes, and I'll let you out of these chains so that you can fuck my brains out."

He fought the feeling of the blood rushing to his genitals, gritting his teeth as he tried to force the blood back to any other spot in his body. "No." He growled, his eyes going so dark they looked like ink. "I'd rather take the punishments than the guilt." He pulled at the shackles around his wrists. "Now, kindly get off of my dick and put your damn shirt on."


	283. Chapter 283

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Three**

Jessica pressed impossibly close to John's body, tracing her long fingernails over his jaw. "You know you've always wanted me." She bent her head to his collarbones, running her tongue along the sharp ridges of bone and down his ribs until she was so close to his member that he was practically in her mouth.

"Medusa. Get. Off. Of. Me." He willed himself to stay limp, nearly biting through his tongue as her lips teased him. "I don't want this!" He pulled at the cuffs around his wrists, groaning as the thin metal cut into his wrists. "Get off!"

Jessica gave a cat-like grin, running her soft hands along the inside of his thighs and gently kissing just below his family jewels. "Oh, Johnny, you know you like it."

He pulled harder at the cuffs, gasping as the blood made his hands slick enough to slip through the bracelets. "GET OFF ME BITCH!" He screamed, getting to his feet and bolting to his cell. He slammed the door behind him, taking comfort in the bars between he and Jessica's touch. "Stay away."

She huffed, pulling on the black AC/DC t-shirt she'd stolen from John's hamper when she'd placed the bugs in his room. "Fine. But this is your last chance, after this, I won't stop Uncle Leon from doing anything to you."

"Good." John snapped, wrapping a stained sheet around his hips to hide himself from her prying eyes. "I'd rather be whipped like a common thug and lose my voice, than sleep with you knowing that I'm cheating on Claire."

Jessica huffed, throwing a pad of paper and a pen at him. "Enjoy your next writing." She scoffed, turning her back on him.

* * *

Claire bounced Violet on her hip, humming one of John's songs to her as she watched the waves crash on the beach. "Someday, somehow, we're gonna make it alright, but not right now…"

Jade gave a small smile as Claire rocked her child, happy that her children shared a tiny trait of John's. Sure, their eyes didn't change as much as John's did with emotion, but they had small ways of changing. "I miss him." She whispered, leaning on Dominic's shoulder.

"If Leon lays a hand on him, I'll be sure to make him pay." He kissed her head, rubbing her arm as she nestled into his side. "But I'll stay out of prison for you and the kids."

* * *

Maddy picked up some antibiotic cream from the first aid kit and a roll of gauze to bandage John's wrists. "Do you want me to wrap your hands for the fight?" She asked, hating that Leon wouldn't let John eat or drink and still sent him into the rings. "Give you extra stability."

John nodded, hissing when she rubbed the cream into his wounds. "Please." He hated it here, hated that Leon kept postponing the court date, that he was being forced to fight like he had in Mexico, that he was constantly being advanced on by either Medusa or Mathew in the next cell. He hated it all. Everything about this place was a living hell. "Thank you…" He whispered, letting her help him dress himself in the orange jumpsuit that was prison issue here. "Is… is it possible that you could help me get some food? I'm losing strength, and I need the strength to fight."

She bit her lip, pulling a protean bar from her pocket and giving it to him. "It's not much, but it'll help you a little."

He stuffed the bar into his mouth, barely tasting it as he wolfed it down. "Thank you." He sighed, collapsing into the nasty, blood stained pillows on his cot to get a small rest before the fights. "So much…"


	284. Chapter 284

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Four**

John squared his shoulders, preparing for the fight. Leon had put him against six big bruisers, each one bigger than the last. He was battered, bruised, and bloody, his foot hurt like hell, and he was pretty sure he'd torn a ligament in his knee.

He looked up at his opponent, able to see that this guy had to be a champion. He'd gone up against enough of these giants to know that they were trouble. He'd discovered that they all seemed to rely on their size and weight more so than their strength. Sure, they were big and hard to take down, but they were clumsy on their feet.

Leon grinned, there was no way in hell this kid could beat Chet. The champion would be even more vicious tonight, with the offer of a shortened sentence he wouldn't lose this. "Kid's minced meat." His joy was short lived though.

While Leon was thinking about the profit he would make, John had been sizing Chet up —looking for the tell. He favored his right shoulder, an old wound but one that still caused discomfort. John stayed on his right side, going straight for the liver and sweeping his legs under the brute and going for a head lock. The whole fight was over before Leon could take a breath.

"That little bastard…" Leon growled, grabbing John by the collar and dragging him back to his cell.

He shoved a paper and pen into John's hands. "You're going to write a suicide note. Otherwise, I'm going after your family."

"Hell no! I won't hurt them like that!"

Leon pulled a lighter out of his pocket, grabbing John's arm and rolling the sleeve up. "Do it, or you won't have any skin left and all they'll find is your bones."

John pulled his arm back picking up the pen and starting on the note. "Fine, but just know that Thomas and Clarissa will come after you with everything they have."

Leon left John to his work, walking into the bathroom after he'd grabbed a length of rope. He tied the rope into a noose, looping the other end over the beams and setting a chair underneath it.

John worked furiously at the note, writing as much as he could before he slipped the code word into it. A word that they'd chosen to tell the family that who ever had written it had been forced into something 'Breakfast.'

Leon appeared a moment later, grabbing John by the shirt and hauling him into the bathroom and slipping the noose around his neck. "Any last words?" He asked, showing the teen one last form of compassion before his life was take.

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil." His head snapped up as the door burst open, joy flooding his heart as he laid eyes on Clarissa, Sara, Thomas, and Asher. "Mo-" He choked as the chair was kicked out from under him, his neck popping as his weight was transferred from his feet to his neck in a matter of seconds.


	285. Chapter 285

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Five**

Asher rushed toward Leon, throwing a hard punch like John and Dominic had taught him, right into Leon's gut. "Cut him down!" He ordered, grabbing the knife as the cop's belt and swinging it in a wide arch over John's head.

His nephew fell with a thud, his body lying in a heap on the tile.

"John!" Clarissa bolted to John's side, taking the knife from Asher and slipping it under the noose around John's neck. "Breath!" She sliced the rope, a broken sob escaping her lips at the weak, pitiful gasp of air that the teen took. "Oh baby…" She cried, tracing her fingers over the bruised, torn, bloody skin of his neck. "Open your eyes for me." He moved him slightly, stopping when Sara placed a hand on her arm.

"Don't move him." She ordered, taking John's head in her hands to keep him from damaging his neck anymore. "If he's moved too much, it could paralyze him… if he isn't already…"

Clarissa's eyes turned to pure fire as she pushed herself off of the floor and marched over to Leon. She slapped him across the face, shoving him into the wall as hot tears streamed down her eyes. "Leon. So help me, if John wakes up, you'd better hope that he counsels mercy. If he doesn't, there will be no place on this earth or below it that you can hide."

Thomas's head snapped over to where John was fighting for breath, biting his cheek until he tasted blood. "Leon, we're pressing charges for attempted murder. We'll see you hanged for this."

Clarissa held John's hand close to her cheek, tenderly kissing his scarred and bruised knuckles. "You're gonna be okay…" She whispered, lifting her gaze to Ryan as he checked John's ventilator. "How can someone do this?" She asked, looking away as Ryan pulled the tube from John's throat.

He shrugged, opening John's mouth and shining a light into his throat. "His trachea's still swollen but I'm gonna see if we can just switch him onto a canula for now." He touched John's neck, carefully adjusting his head to make sure that his neck was properly supported. "I'm more concerned about his vertebrae in his cervical curve." He placed his thumbs on either side of John's face, gently holding him still as Natasha the nurse helped him fit John with a canula and get the hose attached to a oxygen tank to pump air into his lungs.

Clarissa swallowed as she watched John's unconscious body lay unnaturally still. It killed her to see him like that, so still when he was normally so active. John was always moving, always full of life, always finding some way to get into trouble. "When do you think he'll wake up?" She asked, moving back to her seat and taking his hand in hers.

Ryan shook his head, sighing as he told her the awful truth. "I… I don't think he will."

* * *

John placed a hand on his head, sitting up to see that he was surrounded by clouds. "What the?" He blinked, turning slightly to see none other than Jesus Christ himself beside him. "Did… did I die?"

Jesus chuckled, patting John on the shoulder. "Not quite yet. But, it's your choice. You can stay here, in Heaven, or you can return to the world. But know this, if you return to earth, your life will not be an easy one-"

"Send me back." John gasped, knowing that Claire needed him as much as he needed her. "I want to go back."

* * *

Clarissa rested her head on John's hospital bed, able to feel his hip against the crown of her head. She bolted awake as she felt him move, gasping at the sight of his dark eyes. "John!"

"Momma…" He smiled, his voice barely audible as he fought to speak.


	286. Chapter 286

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Six**

Clarissa fussed around John's room, gently fluffing his pillows, adjusting his blankets, refilling his water bottle, moving his IV leads when they got in the way.

"Mom…" John croaked, barely moving his head to look at her. "Stop."

She sighed, taking his head in her hands and carefully moving him back to where his neck was supported. "I'm sorry, Pumpkin…" She kissed his forehead, her fingers barely brushing against the torn skin around his neck. "I was just so scared, when I saw you…" She couldn't finish the sentence, the image of John hanging by his throat still too fresh in her mind.

He lifted his hand to hers, closing his eyes as she cried into his chest. "Did… did he show you?" He asked, hating the way his voice rasped.

"Show us what?" She lifted her gaze to his face, looking into those dark pools that were his eyes.

John winced as he swallowed, his head rolling to the side. "Made me write a suicide note…"

She moved his head back, her brow furrowing with his words. "Leon made you write a suicide letter?"

He gave her a thumbs up, his throat too sore to speak anymore.

* * *

Thomas smiled as he watched John flip through the channels on his crappy tv that the hospital provided. "How's Grumpy doing?" He chuckled, not missing the glare John shot him out of the corner of his eye.

"Fuck off." John growled, moving his jaw slightly in the groove of his neck brace.

Thomas shook his head, patting John's shoulder before taking a seat in the recliner. "Bored?" He asked, looking up at the tv as John flipped through the channel selection yet again.

John rolled his eyes, finally becoming frustrated and throwing the remote to the side. "No. I'm staying busy as a bumble bee." He curled his lip in disgust, aching to get out of bed and actually do something. "Fucking hate this shit." He sighed, letting Thomas prop him up on another pillow and place another blanket over his body to keep him warm.

"Don't worry, you'll be home in no time." He patted John's chest, milling about the room and cleaning a few small things up. "Besides, the quads, Amelia, and Phoebe all have the flu right now. So, I don't think you'd want to be home anyway."

"Rather be sick and puking than stuck in bed all the time." He motioned to the catheter bag at the end of his bed. "I can't even get up to take a piss." He squirmed slightly, the catheter irritating his urethra and telling him that it needed to be replaced. "God damnit…" He cursed, picking up the call button for his nurse.

"What's wrong?" Thomas asked, watching as John moved in discomfort under the blankets.

"My fucking catheter needs changed."

Thomas nodded, standing as the nurse stepped inside. "I'll wait in the hall."

* * *

John closed his eyes as he felt to nurse line the new catheter up, preparing himself for the burning pain that always came with the damned thing when it was forced into his body. "Fuck…" He groaned, wadding his hands up in the blankets to distract from the irritation. "Stop… wait a second." He breathed a sigh as Nancy paused for a moment, swallowing before he let her continue. "Okay."

Nancy rubbed some lube onto the catheter, hoping to make the process a little easier for him. "I'm sorry." She finished the job, covering him up again. "I wish I could make this a little more enjoyable for you."

"I just wish I could ditch the catheter and the damn feeding tube." He touched the tube that was taped to his cheek, running his fingers over it to the spot where it entered his nose. "Everything else I'm used to. But these, I can't stand."

She gave a little smile, checking his IVs and the flow of his medications. "How's your pain?" She asked, brushing his greasy hair back from his face.

"Not as bad as it was." He closed his eyes, suddenly too tired to function properly.

Nancy bit her lip, pulling the covers up higher on the teen's chest before she left his room. "Sleep well, Super Star." John hadn't seen the articles written about him in the papers, but she had, and John was quickly becoming the biggest rocker in the country. Her daughters had been ecstatic when they'd found out that John was one of her patients. She'd practically had to tie them to chairs to keep them from disturbing him while recovering. "I'll check on you in a little bit."


	287. Chapter 287

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Seven**

Claire stepped into John's hospital room, gently kissing his lips and placing a cup of water beside him. "Hey Sugar." She smiled, brushing his hair back and looking into those deep brown eyes of his. "How do you feel?"

He pulled her down to him again, slipping his tongue between her teeth and tasting every inch of her. He moaned into her mouth as she returned his kiss, tangling his fingers in her hair and trying to pull himself closer to her with a hand around her ribs.

She pushed him back down, gently touching his neck that they'd released from the brace for a moment. "Stay down. You can't support your head yet."

He growled, moving his head slightly until Claire corrected his placement on the pillows. "I can too."

She cocked a brow, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine. If you can sit up by yourself, I'll take it back."

He smirked, carefully pushing himself off of the pillows before he collapsed back with a cry of pain. "Fuck!" He grit his teeth, fighting the tears as Claire placed the brace back on his neck and clipped it in place. "Fuck, fuck, fuck…"

She rolled her eyes, slipping her hands under his hospital gown and rubbing gentle circles on his pecs. "I told you." She kissed him again, brushing a stray tear from his cheek.

"My feet are all tingly…" He croaked, still trying to regain his breath.

Her eyes widened, before she rushed to get Ryan. "Ryan!" She stumbled to a halt in front of the doctor, gasping for breath. "John said his feet are tingling."

Ryan pushed past her, stepping into John's room and grabbing something from one of the drawers. "Get the covers away from his feet." He opened the needle, ignoring the panic in John's eyes as he lined it up with the tips of his toes. "Let me know if you can feel this." He pricked John's skin, sighing in relief when John pulled away and hissed in pain. "Thank God…" He placed his hands on John's legs, squeezing them all the way up to just below the knee. "You can feel that, right?"

John nodded a little, gasping as Ryan squeezed on a tender spot. "Ow…"

Claire combed her fingers through John's hair, attempting to relax him. She hated seeing him in pain, but as of late, that seemed to be the only thing she ever got to see. He'd broken his foot while in prison, and several of the tendons in his knee had been torn or stretched. He hadn't told anyone what had happened, and Claire was pretty sure he wouldn't be talking anytime soon. With John, it could be days or even years before he would talk about it.

* * *

John sighed as he flipped through the channels on the tv again, itching to have something interesting to do in this boring hell. He moved his eyes to the door as it was pushed open, snarling when he saw that it was Timothy. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked, never taking his eyes off of him as he stepped to the foot of the bed.

"You think you're so high and mighty?" He asked, throwing a news paper at him. "You look down from your stage, watching all of them worship you and bow at your feet. What about the rest of us? The sorry saps who don't get to live your life of fame."

"What are you talking about? I play for fun. I play for enjoyment."

Timothy stepped toward the head of John's bed, jerking a pillow out from under John's head. "Bullshit." He growled, forcing the pillow over John's face and holding it tight against the thrashing boy as he fought for breath. "All you care about is yourself."

John's hand landed on the call button for Nancy, slamming his finger on it repeatedly until Timothy was yanked away from him and the pillow fell from his face. He gasped for breath, rolling onto his side in an attempt to make it easier to get air into his lungs.


	288. Chapter 288

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Eight**

Asher pushed Timothy out of the room, nodding to Nancy and ordering her to check on John. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He snapped, shaking the teen and pushing him into a chair. "You'll be lucky if you didn't paralyze him." He paced before the young man, his face turning red with anger. "You'd better hope that my nephew isn't hurt in anyway. And even if he isn't, I'm going to press charges for attempted murder."

Timothy glared at the man, shoving past him before he called back. "If he's such a fag he doesn't deserve to live!"

* * *

Nancy moved John back onto the pillows, filling a syringe with a sedative and injecting it into his veins. She sighed as his breathing started to come easier, gently fitting a oxygen mask over his mouth and nose before she injected an anti-inflammatory into his IV. "Shh… you're okay." She soothed, watching as his breath fogged in the mask. "You're okay…" She brushed his hair back, starting a vital check on him by pressing her hands into his torso and listening to his heart and lungs. "Shit…" She cursed, listening to the rattle in his chest with each breath he took.

"What?" Asher asked, fear rising in his chest for his nephew's wellbeing. "What's wrong?"

She took the stethoscope off, holding the ear pieces out to him and letting him listen. "He's got pneumonia." She touched his forehead, feeling the slight temperature as his eyes closed. "We're gonna have to add another medication."

Asher nodded, squeezing John's hand in his own. "Do what you have to. Just keep him alive."

* * *

Clarissa picked up her crocheting, listening to John's breath and the beeping of his heart monitor. She hummed as she worked, looking up occasionally when his heartrate changed or he seemed to twitch in response to something.

Sara smiled as she stepped into the room, taking her Airforce jacket off and placing it on the chair beside John's bed. "How's our cadet doing?"

Clarissa chuckled, shaking her head at the inactive Pilot turned medic. "He's still out of it. He woke up twenty minutes ago and asked why there was a cat on his face." She nodded to his beard, working another stitch into the baby blanket she was working on.

Sara laughed, patting John's leg before she checked his feeding tube and the placement of his head on the pillows. "I'd say his beard looks more like moss on a tree right now." She dug into the bag she'd brought, pulling out his razor and a bar of shaving soap. "I think it's time for a shave." She lathered the soap over his face, gently pulling the skin of his cheeks tight over his facial bones and cutting the scraggly hair away.

Clarissa smiled, happy that John was sleeping for the moment and not feeling any pain. "He was starting to look like wolfman there for a while." She started on another row in the blanket, rolling her eyes as John mumbled some nonsense in his sleep. "It looks nice when he keeps it kept up, but not when it gets like that."

"Asher's can be the same way sometimes." Sara wiped the blade of John's razor on a towel, starting on his chin. "That Cherokee in him makes it a little thinner though."


	289. Chapter 289

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Eighty-Nine**

Thomas glared at Leon as he paced before the judge. "My son, Johnathan, is currently in critical condition thanks to Leon's act of attempted hanging." He showed a photo of John in the hospital, placing several enlarged pictures of the torn skin, around his throat, the bruises on his body and face, the x-ray of his left foot that showed the broken toes, and an image that showed the swelling inside of his throat taken with a scope. "He's on oxygen, sedatives, and anti-inflammatories. He's bedridden, unable to support his own head, and is in capable of staying awake for more than a few minutes."

Leon barked a laugh, placing the note on the stand. "That kid wanted to die. He wrote a note, and asked me to deliver it after he passed."

"I saw you kick the chair out from under him!" Thomas shouted, his eyes landing on the ring around Leon's neck. "I saw the hope in his eyes, the joy at seeing us. He didn't want to die."

"Look in the kid's mental files. Depression. PTSD. Anxiety. Not to mention the other fucked up things about him." He tucked John's ring into his shirt, ignoring the glower he got from Dominic. "He's a druggy. Been high since he was a kid. You can't trust a damn word the little rat says."

* * *

Brian and Kaylie sat beside each other in the hospital cafeteria, sipping on burned coffee and stale donuts while they waited for John's treatments to be finished. He was getting his lungs drained of the fluid that had built up with the pneumonia.

"Do you think he'll recover?" Kaylie asked, picking at her food before she lifted her eyes to Brian. "I mean…"

"Do I think that he'll walk after this?" Brian shrugged, looking up as Clarissa and his mother walked into the room. "I'm not sure."

Mary patted the teens on the shoulders, smiling with the news. "John's lungs are drained, and he's in recovery."

* * *

John groaned as he came too, listening to the music playing to the right of him. "Allison…" He asked, blinking against the too bright lights of the recovery room.

She smiled, turning the cassette player down and stepping over to where he could see her better. "Morning."

"Hurts…"

She chuckled, knowing exactly what he meant. "Well, you did just have a tube stuck down your trachea and an infection pumped from your lungs." She combed his hair back, letting him go back to sleep and recover a little more.


	290. Chapter 290

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety**

Claire pulled John's jacket closer around herself, feeling the back of the stitches that displayed his many monikers against her shoulders. She'd spent six days on the jacket, stitching each letter into the leather with careful consideration. The lining still smelled like him. The salt of his sweat, the oil and metallic tang of the shop, the sweet scent of his deodorant, the musk that always seemed to gather around him, and just a hint of baby powder from holding the quads and Johanna.

Jessica grabbed the collar of the jacket, ripping it away from Claire's shoulders. "You did a shit job with this! You'll never be a fashion designer. All you'll ever be is a boyfriend stealing whore!" She tore the coat in half, right through the middle of the words 'El Jefe' and the 'Uncle Johnny' beneath the image of a healing heart in the center. "He's just gonna leave you when he gets out of the hospital, so what's the point of even keeping his shit? I'd just throw it out. Who knows, maybe you'll actually make a few bucks off of his sorry ass."

Claire fought the tears as she looked at the two halves of John's jacket, growling as she lunged at the snake. "Don't you say that about him!" She screamed, wrapping her hands around her throat. "How do you like being choked?" She cried, forcing Jessica to the ground and beating her fists into the other teen's body. "He's in the fucking hospital because of you! He can't even support his own head! And you're telling me to give up on him?" She let a broken sob escape her as Andy pulled her off of Jessica, turning into his chest and beating her aching hands weakly against his chest. "I will _never_ give up on him. Not even when hell freezes over."

Jessica pinched her bleeding nose, blocking the blood. "I call dibs on him! You knew I loved him! And you stole him from me!" She turned her back on Claire, glancing over her shoulder and glaring at her. "I thought we were friends."

* * *

John coughed, his throat grating with each harsh breath. "Uncle… A-sher?" He barely cracked his eyes open as Asher wiped his chin of the spit. "I… want to go home…"

Asher placed his hand on John's head, adjusting the feeding tube and moving his oxygen canula to where it would be more comfortable for him. "I know, Kiddo… I know." He wiped John's chin again, listening to his labored breath as he tried to fight the infection in his lungs.

"Want… Cl-aire." He hacked in the middle of her name, wheezing when his breath tried to return.

"She'll be here soon." Asher smiled, moving John's head back into the proper positioning. "Just another hour and school will be out." He handed John a paper, helping the teen unroll it to show the high school diploma. "You graduated early. The homework you filled out last week was just a few tests from the accelerated classes at school."

"I'm… graduated?" He croaked, his lips quirking upwards in a weak smile.

Asher nodded, offering John a drink of water. "Yep."


	291. Chapter 291

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-One**

Vernon smiled as John flipped through a few channels, holding up the VCR player and a few tapes. "Thought you might like to watch some Star Wars."

John wheezed a laugh, a tired smile gracing his cracked lips. "Thanks… Richey…" He winced, pressing a hand over his chest as the infection bounced like a water balloon in his lungs. "I was getting sick of the dumbass cartoons and news."

Vernon chuckled, standing on a chair to set the VCR up with the tv. "You'll just have to ask for help changing the tapes out, and switching it between channels." He popped a tape into the player, settling into the recliner and watching the film with him.

John tugged at the brace around his neck, his long fingers quickly finding the clasps and undoing them before Vernon could stand from his chair. "I feel like I can't breathe with it on."

Vernon shook his head, watching John's chest heave with labored breaths. "You can't breathe either way."

"It feels like it's choking me then." John slowly moved his head to the side, ignoring the pain and stiffness from not moving his neck of so long. "I'm so sick of just laying here."

Vernon nodded, gently moving the blankets around John's body, being careful of the IVs, leads, catheter, and many other hoses and wires attached to the kid's body. "Well, maybe we can work something out to let you move around a little."

John rasped a laugh, a crooked smile spreading over his lips. "Sounds good."

* * *

Andy held Claire close as she cried into his chest. He knew that seeing John in the hospital was hard enough for her, and now that Jessica had ripped John's nickname jacket to shreds, he was worried that if John didn't recover soon, that she might go insane. "Hey, why don't we go see him?" He asked, aching to see his friend.

"No… I can't see him right now." She sobbed, tucking her knees between their bodies like John always let her do when she was scared. "I don't want to tell him."

Andy pressed his lips into a thin line, remembering how John had called out for Claire in his sleep when he was still drugged up from having his lungs drained. "He wants you Claire." He stated, almost able to hear John's raspy broken cries for her. "He needs to know that you're fighting for him —that you believe he can pull through." He thought back to what Vernon had told him after he'd returned from the hospital, about John having plummeted when he'd waited for hours for Claire to show up, how he'd practically given up fighting. "He's unconscious again. He _needs_ you."

Claire looked up at him, her eyes swollen and red from the tears. "He needs to get out of that damn bed!" She croaked, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "If Ryan keeps him there, unable to move, he'll die in that bed if he can't move." She knew that John was naturally antsy, and that he hated sitting still for long periods of time. He'd gotten better since they'd repaired his bad leg, but he still fussed and squirmed when he couldn't move. She had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with a moving target is harder to hit, but she was never quite sure of all that happened in his past —though she did know that he was affected by it every day of his life and would be for some time. "He needs to get out and do something. Even if he just stands up to pee." Despite the fact that she hated to think of what might happen if John did move, she hated the idea of seeing him so miserable if he didn't move. "Just something."

Thomas paused at her door, holding up a shiny silver band in his fingers. "Maybe try this for a start."

Claire gasped, rushing to her father and taking the ring from him. "You found it!" She traced her fingertip over the engraving on the inside, the words 'My Protector' carved into the metal. "You found his ring."

"Leon had it. And since he's gonna be spending the next twenty years in prison, he didn't need it anymore." He smirked, slipping the ring onto Claire's thumb and letting her rush off to see John and replace the ring in its rightful home on John's hand.


	292. Chapter 292

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Two**

Claire marched through the hospital staff trying to stop her from going to John's room after visiting hours. "Like it or not, I am going to see him." She pushed his door open, gently kissing John's lips and crawling into the bed beside him. She laced her fingers with his, examining the scabs and scars on his knuckles. "Daddy got your ring back…" She took the ring off of her thumb, slipping it onto his finger and turning it to show the turquoise stone inlayed into the top. It wasn't really much, as far as a precious stone, but it meant something to him. It was his birthstone, and with every passing year it would represent he and Claire's love as a new birth.

Claire loved turquoise, it brought out the rays of blue in his eyes, and let the brown show even more. Plus, it reminded her of him. The stone was a symbol, a symbol that he'd survived for seventeen years and every single one had made his stronger.

She nestled into his chest, listening to his raspy breath and the uneven heartbeat that had taken over since he'd developed pneumonia. "Fight it. Fight this infection. Fight this pain. Fight like your life depends on it. Because if you're going to marry me, I need you alive."

His arm tightened around her body, his lips quirking into a small smirk as he held her to him. "I knew you would come…" He croaked, rolling onto his side and letting his brace and pillows support his head for him. "You always do…"

"You big faker!" She laughed, kissing his lips and very gently holding his head in her hands. "How did you know I wouldn't give up on you?"

"Because you're my Princesa. And a Princess never gives up on her knight." He closed his eyes as her fingers tangled in his hair, her body pressed against him, her thigh resting on his hips and her hips pressed against his. "Catheter…" He winced, moving his hips back slightly as the damn thing was accidentally pushed deeper into his bladder.

"Sorry…" She carefully moved away from him, looking at the urine bag at the end of his bed. "Does it need changed?" She asked, noticing that the normally yellow coloring was slightly orange with what she assumed to be blood from the irritation in his urethra and bladder.

"Yeah… but it can wait." He sighed, kissing her lips with a soft passion that was so clumsy from his exhaustion. "I don't want this to end."

Claire rolled her eyes, climbing out of the bed and leaving his room to find his nurse for the night. "I'll be back in a little bit. Don't wreck the place."

* * *

Clarissa bounced Flynn in her arms, holding her tears back at what could have been if she hadn't miscarried. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine… you make me happy when skies are gray…"

Jade yawned as she walked into the small nursery they'd made in the room next to Clarissa and Thomas's. "Mom?" She asked, rubbing her eyes as she stepped inside. "Do you have anything that could get my nipples to stop hurting so bad?" She'd been breast feeding for more than two months, and by now, she was losing more blood than milk with each feeding.

"You don't have a nipple shield?" Clarissa asked, noticing the small red and yellowish stains on Dominic's old t-shirt that the teenage mother wore as a pajama shirt.

She shook her head, crossing her arms over her breasts to try and get them to stop hurting. "No…"

"A pump?"

She shook her head again. "Uh, uh."

Clarissa sighed, laying Flynn in his crib and sitting Jade down on the small bench. "May I see?"

Jade nodded, lifting her shirt to show the red, swollen, chapped skin surrounding her nipples. "They hurt really bad."

Clarissa gave a little smile, pulling out a small container of Vaseline. "I'll get you some nipple cream in the morning, and a shield set, and a pump."

Jade smiled, tenderly rubbing the moisturizer on her skin. "Thanks…" She yawned, sighing as one of the quads started to fuss for a changing. "I wish John was home to help… he's so good with them, and I think they only sleep well when he sings to them…"

Clarissa chuckled, helping her with the babies. "I think I can help with that."


	293. Chapter 293

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Three**

Dominic walked with Clarissa through the baby isle of Walmart, watching as she placed several items in their cart. Including diapers, bottles, a breast pump, nipple cream, shields, pacifiers, wipes, burp rags, onesies, booties, hats, bibs, and many more odds and ends. "Holy shit." Dominic muttered, raking his hand through his hair with all the things they'd missed when they'd been preparing for the quads to arrive. "How bad did we fuck up already?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck with a rough calloused hand.

"You didn't mess up." She chuckled, handing him a case of Oreos. "You're just new parents."

Dominic helped her with the grocery shopping, shaking his head as he thought about how miserable Jade must have been without the things that Clarissa had bought for her. "Kids are expensive."

"Yep."

* * *

Claire sighed in contentment as John's arms grew tighter around her body. His chest was warm against hers, his breath still rattled in his lungs, but he felt sturdy, strong, as if he'd bulked up in the time he'd been in the hospital, though she knew he hadn't. She felt his gentle lips brush over her forehead, smiling as his muscles flexed and tightened. "Sugar…" She yawned, lifting her eyes to see his face.

"Mmm?" He mumbled, barely cracking his eyes open.

She tenderly kissed him, nipping at his lips before he slid his tongue into her mouth. She moaned in pleasure, letting him be dominant for a moment before she switched it up on him.

"What the?" He blinked in shock, smirking when he saw the mischief in her Bambi-like eyes. "Where did you learn that move?" He asked, moving his tongue around and feeling some of the spots she had touched.

"You dumbass." She stated, licking her lips and jumping when Ryan knocked on the door.

Ryan laughed, stepping to the bedside and carefully moving John's body so that he was on his back. "Wanna try this again?" He asked, slipping his hand under John's shoulder blades and unclasping the brace.

John groaned, the muscles in his chest and abs contracting as Ryan steadied him while he sat up. "Fuck…" He ground out through gritted teeth, leaning back into Ryan's hold on him. "Still hurts…"

Claire smiled with how John was able to support his head, shocked at the progress he'd made in the last few weeks. "You… you're able to sit up."

"Kind of…" John heaved a breath, forcing himself farther up before the pain hit him. "Ow…" He whimpered, letting Ryan lay him back down and examine him.

Ryan lifted his eyes to Claire, pulling the covers off of John's body. "Do you want to step outside?" He asked, untying the neckline of his hospital gown.

John stiffened, reaching for Claire as Ryan moved to the knot around his hips. "Stay…" He knew that it was hard for her… seeing him like this… but he knew what was coming, and he needed her there. "Please…"

She nodded, taking his hand and holding it close while she combed her fingers through his hair. She ignored Ryan's movements as he took the gown off of John's thin build, forced John's groans of pain out of her ears as Ryan removed the catheter, gripped his hand tight as Ryan moved John's legs and began to wash him up as best he could. "Every time we touch, I get this feeling…"

"And every time we kiss I swear-" John hacked halfway through the lyrics, his chest rattling with every harsh cough. "I could fly."

She laughed, pressing her hand against the hard plain of his left pec. "I love you." She smiled, kissing his throat before Ryan moved John onto his side so that he could wash his back up.

"Love you more…" He rasped, closing his eyes and holding her hand to his chest.


	294. Chapter 294

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Four**

Asher hammered a nail into the frame for Dominic and Jades home on the back property, wiping the sweat from his brow with his forearm. They were just starting to get into mid spring, and as always, it was already boiling hot outside and the humidity didn't help. "Jimmy!" He called, motioning to the 2 x 4s on the table. "Hand me those."

Jim nodded, passing one up to Asher before he went back to his project of making new cribs for the quads and a bed frame for Dominic and Jade what even had a spot for co-sleeping beds for when one or two of the quads got sick. He lifted his gaze as Becky Daniels walked through the gate to the house, grinning as she walked over to him. "Becky, w-what's, what's up?" He stuttered, shooting Asher a glare when he snorted a laugh.

"I brought something for Claire." She held out a small gift box, biting the inside of her cheek. "The home ec class tried our best to fix J. Bs jacket."

Jimmy laughed, writing a small note on a pad of paper. "They're over at the hospital right now. But here's John's room number and floor." He froze as their fingers brushed, his shockingly blue eyes meeting her dark emerald ones. "Um… do, do you need a ride?" He asked, nodding to John's truck that he'd gained permission to drive after almost three weeks of begging. "John let me have his keys while his license is suspended."

"That would be nice." She smiled sweetly, letting him lead her to the truck that had the customized plate that read, 'Fighter' on the metal.

"Fair warning, John isn't exactly a jolly little Christmas kid at the moment." He smirked, staring the truck and backing out of the driveway.

Her brow furrowed for a moment, before her mouth popped open. "Oh… that's right, he was born in December, wasn't he?"

Jimmy nodded, chuckling with the memory of John's grumpy scowl that seemed to be there permanently. "He's more of a scrooge than a December kid should be."

* * *

"Stop fussing." Claire ordered, placing her fashion pad on her lap as John pulled and moved his leads and IVs around. "Or I'll tape your hands to the bed."

He growled, curling his lip like a caged Elvis. "I'm sick of sitting." He stated, letting his head roll to the side. "I want to move around."

"I don't care. When you can move around more than just standing up to pee, I'll let you out of the bed." She went back to her design, ignoring John's bitching and moaning as he tried to get her to give him freedom. "Stop it." She ordered, eventually standing and walking out of the room.

"Where are you going?" He asked, watching her leave.

"I'm getting a coffee, and when I come back, if you're still antsy and crazy that hot coffee is going right where that catheter was." She stepped down the hallway, leaving John to his own devises to find entertainment.


	295. Chapter 295

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Five**

Becky and Jimmy walked through the hallway to John's room, pushing the door to John's room open to see the scowl on John's face. "What's up?" Jimmy asked, chuckling at the look John gave him. "Did Claire abandon your crab ass?"

"Fuck off." John growled, pulling on the G-Tube that was still being used to feed him.

Becky stepped forward, placing her gift on John's lap while they waited for Claire to come back. "How're you feeling?" She took a seat beside John's bed, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, the rasp of his breath, the slowly fading bruises around his throat, and most of all the weight he'd dropped. Despite having food supplement pumped into his stomach 24/7 he was still dropping weight. She knew that John had never been very heavy, in fact, he'd always been to thin in her mind, but now he was even thinner and sicklier than she'd ever seen him.

"Like I was hanged and spent the last three weeks in a hospital bed." He coughed, covering his mouth with his scarred wrist. "I just want to go home."

Claire rolled her eyes, placing a banana mango smoothie on the table beside John. "I told you, when you can move around more than just standing up to pee, we'll take you home." She picked up the gift, her brow furrowing. "What's this?"

Becky smiled, nodding to the box. "Open it." She watched as Claire pulled the leather jacket out of the box, gasping when she saw that they'd stitched the two halves back together. "We did our best to fix it… but the names on it didn't quite lineup again."

"How did you get it back?"

"Jessica left her locker unlocked."

John barked a cough, shaking his head a little before he spoke. "Bullshit. Kaylie picked the lock." He motioned to Jimmy's backpack, taking the lock from him and spinning a quick combo into it. "See, Kaylie knows damn well how to do that, and she's passed me up in our skill levels." He handed the lock to Claire, picking up the smoothie and sipping on it.

* * *

Clarissa held her hands out on either side of John's body, being careful to not touch him, but be there if he should fall. "Good! Another step." She wrapped her arms around his waist as he stumbled into her. "It's okay, Pumpkin."

John huffed in frustration, pushing himself off of her and forcing himself to take another few steps. "I hate this." He growled, tripping over his own feet and falling into Dominic's chest. "I'm not a baby."

Dominic righted his cousin, letting him stand on his own for a moment to let him decide if he wanted to be comforted or continue to push himself toward recovery. "No. You're not. If you were, you'd be crowding me out of my woman's boobs."

John glared at him, taking a tentative step forward toward Thomas. "I just want to walk like I used to." He paused in front of Thomas, his dark eyes meeting Thomas's sea green. "I want to be the man Claire deserves."

Thomas nodded, patting the teen's shoulder and walking with him to the next check point where Chad was waiting. "You already are."


	296. Chapter 296

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Six**

Ryan pinched off one of the IV leads that was connected to John's veins, disconnecting it so that he could move John to take him to get an MRI done and a few x-rays to make sure his neck was healing correctly. "You ready, Sport?" He asked, helping John out of his bed and into a wheelchair.

"Let's just get it over with." He glared at nothing as Ryan wheeled him through the halls to the MRI room.

Ryan placed a heart monitor on John's finger, steadying him as he moved to lay on the MRI table. "You're alright?" He asked, noticing the spike in John's heartrate when he started to roll him into the tube.

John nodded, letting Ryan adjust the detached IV lines in his arms. "Just don't like tight places." He pushed the memory of Jacob locking him in a closet for days on end to the back of his brain. "That's all"

Ryan bit the inside of his cheek, able to see that John was fighting a demon at his door. "Do you want a sedative?" He asked, praying that he wouldn't have to force a medication into him when the attack did take over. Usually John could keep them at bay, but with his mind and body so weak at the moment, he probably wouldn't be able to fight this one.

"No." John closed his eyes, letting Ryan pop a tape into the player for his headphones. "I don't want any more to do with those." He let Ryan put the headphones on his ears, focusing on his breath as he listened to the music play.

Ryan started the MRI, watching John's heartrate spike on the screen. "Shut it down." He ordered, standing and filling a syringe with Propofol and quickly injecting it into John's IV. He sighed in relief as John's heart evened out, returning to the monitoring room to keep an eye on him. "That should keep him under for a little bit."

* * *

Clarissa rung her hands in her lap, watching as the clock ticked in the waiting room. She counted the seconds, minutes, and hours that John was kept from her. She knew he was safe, but it seemed like every time he needed to be put under, that he was that much closer to death. It was unsettling to see him so still. At home he was always moving, always causing trouble, always finding some way to drive them all batshit crazy… but when he was sedated… all of that went away.

Ryan stepped into the waiting room, smiling as he laid eyes on Clarissa. "He's recovering just fine." He sat beside her and Thomas, excited to share the news. "He can go home as soon as he wakes up all the way."

* * *

Jessica snuck into John's hospital room, grinning when she saw that he was still out cold. She stepped closer to him, combing her fingers through his hair before she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She ran her hand down his chest, feeling every cord of muscle and scar tissue in his body. She paused at his left hand, able to feel his ring on his finger. She pulled the jewelry off of his hand, before she moved lower on his body. She teased his member with soft fingers, kissing his lips, cheek, jaw, neck, throat, chest, abs, and every part of him she could before she was pulled away. "What the fuck?" She asked, glaring at Clarissa as the older woman pushed her out of the room.

"Give me his ring." She ordered, taking the silver band from her. "Go home." She turned on the teen, marching back into John's room to wait for him to wake up.


	297. Chapter 297

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Seven**

Claire snuggled into John's chest as they rested on the sofa. The sedatives were still wearing out of his system, but he was starting to wake up more and more with every passing hour. She chuckled as he stared blankly at the wall, his head bobbing from time to time and blinking at odd intervals. "You alright there, Baby Bird?"

He nodded —or at least she thought it was a nod— and hummed his reply.

She laughed, kissing the hollow behind his ear. "Is that a yes?" She giggled, covering him up with a thin blanket to help him stay warm while he finished waking up.

"I wanna fly like Batman…" He mumbled, making Thomas roar with laughter. "What?" He asked, slurring his words as he spoke.

"Batman doesn't fly, Bobble-head." He shook his head, pulling him to his feet and guiding him up to his room to sleep the rest of the drugs off. "Superman flies. Not Batman."

"Why… why is there… a Batman… and, and a Spiderman, but n-not an Antman? Or a Bumbled Bee man?" John fumbled with the words in his mouth, mispronouncing more than half of the words while Thomas tucked him into his bed. "Or a Butterfly Girl…"

"Go to sleep Johnathan." Thomas smiled, brushing the teen's ratted hair back from his face and allowing him some comfort that always seemed to let him sleep better. "You're loopier than a fruit loop in a nut house."

John giggled, the laugh that always seemed to come when he was doped up. It wasn't his real laugh, —the one that was so rare— but it was close. The only difference was the way they bounced in the kid's chest, one was smoother, and the other was like a basketball on the court of a game.

Thomas shook his head, moving to the side when Chance leapt onto John's bed and laid her head on his chest. "Look, your fur-child wants love."

John turned to his dog, his usually skilled and agile hands clumsy as he scratched her ears. "Puppy…" He grinned, acting like a two-year-old who'd had too much candy.

"Good night Johnny." Thomas chuckled, turning John's light out and closing the door.

* * *

Amelia splashed in the water of their pool, squealing in delight when Cody picked her up on h

is shoulders and held her ankles while wading over to Phoebe and Tyler. "Chicken fight!" He shouted, laughing with delight when Allison and Brian cannonballed into the water.

* * *

Claire laid beside John on the bed, tracing her fingers over the ridges of his ear as he slept. She could hear the chaos happening outside, rolling her eyes as she hummed a quiet tune under her breath. "I love you…" She breathed, kissing John's brow and tracing her finger over the scar in the fine hair of his eyebrow. She stood to go help with dinner, stopping in her tracks when John's fingers closed around her wrist.

"Stay…" He rasped, pulling her back to him. "I don't wanna be alone yet."


	298. Chapter 298

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Eight**

Chad chuckled as he looked into John's room to check on him, shaking his head when he saw that Claire was tucked securely under his arm and practically glued to her Fiancé's chest. He knew that those teens were rarely apart, and when they were, they both seemed lost. "Sleep well." He whispered, lifting Willow onto his hips and pulling the door a little more closed.

* * *

John whimpered in his sleep, his muscles tightening as he curled around Claire. "No…" He moaned, the fear of his dream still too real. "Don't… take her…"

Claire brushed her hand through his hair, gently kissing his face to wake him. "I'm okay." She smiled, looking into his eyes and watching the yellow fade back to brown. "I wonder why your eyes change so much."

John shrugged, sitting up and pulling on a ratty old hoodie. "I'm not really sure…" He yawned, brushing a kiss over her temple before he stood. "Around the time they started doing it a lot, Jacob was paying a lot of attention to me; but I'm not sure why."

He rolled his shoulders, popping his neck and wincing when it caused him pain. "Fuck!" He rubbed the back of his neck, leaving his room to walk down to the kitchen. He scrubbed a hand over his jaw, yawning as the fog started to clear from his mind.

"Good morning." Jan smiled, patting his back as she placed a cup of coffee in front of him. "How're you feeling?"

"Like I was just sedated and walked through a cloud." He flinched as one of the quads started to cry, standing from the counter and walking back up the stairs to the little nursery.

He picked up Violet, opening the little fridge they kept in the room and warming up a bottle of Jade's breast milk in some warm water. "Shhh…" He cooed, bouncing the babe in his arms as he reached for the bottle. "Lullaby, and good night, in the skies stars are bright. May the moon's silvery beams bring you sweet dreams. Close your eyes now and rest, may these hours be blessed. 'Til the sky's bright with dawn, when you wake with a yawn. Lullaby, and good night, you are mother's delight. I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms. Sleepyhead, close your eyes, for I'm right beside you. Guardian angels are near, so sleep without fear. Lullaby, and good night, with roses bedight. Lilies o'er head, lay thee down in thy bed. Lullaby, and good night, you are mother's delight. I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms. Lullaby, and sleep tight, my darling sleeping. On sheets white as cream, with a head full of dreams. Sleepyhead, close your eyes, I'm right beside you. Lay thee down now and rest, may your slumber be blessed. Go to sleep, little one, think of puppies and kittens. Go to sleep, little one, think of butterflies in spring. Go to sleep, little one, think of sunny bright mornings. Hush, darling one, sleep through the night, Sleep through the night, Sleep through the night." The lyrics were clumsy in his throat, the effects of being hanged still obvious in his voice and power, but Violet didn't seem to mind.

She took the bottle in her mouth, blinking her bright green eyes at him as he sang. _This is my uncle John…_ She thought, staring up at him. She knew he was safe, even if the house got too loud at times, or she didn't feel good, uncle John would always be there. She didn't know where he'd gone for so long, but she knew that he didn't look the same. She clasped his finger in her hand, slowly closing her eyes as he fed her and sang. _This is my uncle John… and I love him…_


	299. Chapter 299

**Chapter Two-Hundred and Ninety-Nine**

Mrs. Hernandez sipped on her coffee, smiling fondly as Carl told her of all he'd done since they'd lost contact. She remembered the pain of birthing their child, her heart aching with the thought that neither of them would ever see them again. She placed her hand on his, able to feel the dry skin from years of cleaning chemicals and washing the Shermer High School. "I've missed you." She smiled, tears coming to her eyes with the memory of what could have been.

He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing each finger with the same tender love he'd used so many years ago. "I've missed you too." He whispered, rubbing a hand over her arm as he thought of their adventures.

* * *

John held Flynn on his arm, placing a plate of coconut cream pie on his back and digging into the sweet desert. He looked up as Claire and Jade walked into the kitchen, swallowing the pie with some difficulty as his throat was still swollen. "What?" He asked, taking in the looks on their faces.

"Are you seriously using my son as a table?" Jade asked, cocking a brow at her cousin-in-law.

"I was hungry, and he's been fussy all night." John lifted a glass of milk to his lips, placing the plate on the counter and bouncing Flynn. "See? He doesn't mind."

"John-" Jade began to warn him, stopping when Flynn spit up all over John's arm, shirt, and pants. "He has a stomach bug…"

John sighed, picking up a dish rag and moving to wipe his shirt off. "Here, can you hold him for a sec?" He handed the child to Claire, stripping his shirt off and following closely with his jeans. "I'm gonna spray and wash these."

Claire smiled as she looked John's body over, enjoying the view and how comfortable he'd become with her. "Have fun."

* * *

John walked with Claire down the beach, holding her hand and letting their shoulders rub against each other. "What would you say… if I told you that I want to learn to surf?" He asked, turning to look at her with soft eyes.

She smirked, giving him a little push. "I'd say, that you're nuts."

"Well, I'd have to be to marry you." He laughed as she pushed him into the sand, pulling her down with him. "Oh, come on Sweets, you know I'm joking." He smiled, kissing her neck.

"I know." She grinned, quickly standing and sprinting down the beach. "Bet you can't catch me!" She called, kicking the sand up as she ran.

"I get a kiss when I do!" He shouted, rushing after her. He laughed as she tossed some seaweed at him, following her into the ocean until the waves lifted his feet off of the sand on the bottom. He paused then, a small smile gracing his lips as he watched her.

Her hair was tangled and wet, the red tresses shining like copper in the sunset, her t-shirt clung to her curves and she was sunburnt and red from the heat of mid spring. She was perfect.

What had he done to deserve her? What angel was watching over him?

Who cared though? She was his, and he was hers. _Johnathan and Claire Bender…_ He thought, noticing a small outcropping in the beach. _Two more months._


	300. Chapter 300

**Chapter Three-Hundred**

Sara smiled as she watched Beverly exit her private cell, noticing that she was showing with her pregnancy. "We talked to John, and he wants to see you." She took Beverly's hands in her own, noticing the flicker of light behind her eyes. "I'm sorry it took so long… but we finally got a visitation day for you."

She pressed Sara's hand to her baby bump, letting her feel the baby kick. "We're so happy."

Sara laughed, tears coming to her eyes. "I've never been so happy to be infertile."

* * *

John scratched his arm, waiting at the front stoop of the Clubhouse. He ran his thumb over his engagement ring, licking his lips as he stared at the ground. He'd told everyone to stay in the house while he met with her. Even though fear coursed through his veins with every passing second, he knew he had to face this. He had to face his mother, face the lesser of his demons to start the healing process. The physical scars would never fade completely, but maybe he could heal the mental.

"Johnny?" Beverly bit her lips as his dark eyes lifted, reminded of the little blue babe she'd given birth too all those years ago. It was hard for her to believe that he was really a full-grown man now… and she'd been to high and drunk to remember his growth.

He stood, motioning to the sidewalk. "How about we take a walk?" He asked, using the clicker in his hand to tell chance to heel to his left.

"I'd like that." She smiled, folding her hands over her belly as they stepped down the road.

* * *

"So, why did you use?" He asked, leaning his arms on his knees as he waited for her to rest on the park bench.

She sighed, drinking some water from the bottle John always kept in his backpack. "I suppose… it was the same reason you did." She pulled her jacket closer around her shoulders, trying to think of a way to tell her son about this difficult part in her past. "I wanted to stop the fear… you probably don't remember your Grandpa Mateo, but he was the only man I ever truly loved. They say a girls first love is her father, and that was true for me. He never liked your father, and when he passed —you would have been two at the time— I was so afraid of being alone, that I stayed with Jake. Even though he beat us."

John stood, pacing around the bench to help himself soak the information up. He walked a few yards away, pausing at the edge of the duck pond in a way that Beverly recognized as his father's.

She'd seen that tension in the muscles enough times to know that an explosion of some sort was close. She'd never had reason to fear John, but it was hard to not see Jake in him sometimes. She watched as he picked up a stone, flinching when he screamed in frustration and threw it into the water as hard as he could. "Johnny…"

He fell to his knees on the bank, hanging his head in his hands as he thought of all he could have done if only he'd known. "Fuck me…" He choked out, quickly wiping his tears away when he felt a soft hand on his back. "I don't want to be him…" His breath rattled in his chest, frustration burning inside of him.

She knelt beside him, rubbing his shoulders and placing her fingers under his chin. "You won't be." She rubbed her thumb over his cheek, tucking a lock of wild hair behind his ear. "You're a thousand times the man he was."


	301. Chapter 301

**Chapter Three-Hundred and One**

Beverly watched as John skipped rocks over the surface of the pond, noticing the way his muscles flexed and how much stronger he'd gotten over the months. He wasn't the skinny twig she'd given up all those months ago, now he was strong, healthy, and his dull tan had become a bright caramel hue. His hair was longer, richer in color, shiny with health. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, guilt flooding her chest at how sickly John had been before he'd been put into the foster system.

John turned to her, handing her his bandana to wipe the tears away. "Hey, I wasn't exactly an angel." He smirked, stepping down the path. "I'm still not."

She followed him, noticing the ring around his finger and the hemp cord on his wrist. She knew he never wore jewelry unless it meant something to him, an old habit from years of abuse. He'd always been very minimalist in his belongings, only keeping things that truly had a purpose or use in his life. "When is the wedding?" She asked, watching as he lifted his hand and twisted the ring around his finger.

"June fifteenth." He stated, touching the key at his throat.

She nodded, afraid that he would never allow her near her grandchildren or his family. He hadn't allowed her into the house when she and Sara had arrived, and she doubted he would ever trust her enough to let his children call her Grandma —if he even let her see them at all. "I'm happy for you." She smiled, her heart aching with how distant they were… all because of her mistakes.

"How long do you have left on your sentence?" He stopped in his tracks, turning to look at her with nearly black eyes.

"Ten years." She moved to touch her stomach, freezing when he clasped them in his own.

He smiled, brushing her hair back behind her ear. "Visit when you get out." He hated to think of her being around his children, but he hated the idea of her suffering alone even worse. "And write when you can."

She let her tears fall, pulling him into a tight hug. "Thank you." She cried, noticing for the first time just how large he really was. He wasn't that little premature baby she'd given birth too anymore, now he was a strong provider for a growing family, and only a true man could have a heart that strong beating in his chest.

* * *

Clarissa rushed over to John as he walked through the front door to the Clubhouse, frantically checking him over for any new wounds or bruises. "Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" She asked, lifting his shirt, and running gentle hands over his torso.

He shook his head, taking his shirt off all the way to show her that he was unscathed except for the bruise that he'd had for a few days since Andy had accidentally hit him in the side with a baseball when they'd been playing around. "I'm fine."

She lifted his arms, still not satisfied with her examination. "What's this from?" She asked, touching a scratch so small on his bicep that it was nearly invisible.

"I got hooked on a rose bush." He stated, shaking his head at how she fretted over him. "Like I said. I'm fine." He gave her a hug, giving her a small kiss on the head.


	302. Chapter 302

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Two**

Amelia, Phoebe, Claire, Brian and Andy watched as John attempted to stand on the surfboard, laughing every time he fell off.

"Good God! I thought he was like a cat!" Brian roared, falling over into the sand as he clutched his stomach.

Andy shook his head, his brow furrowing when John didn't surface for a few minutes. "Is he okay?" He jogged to the edge of the water, kicking his shoes off and pulling his shirt over his head. "I'm gonna get him! Call Clarissa!" He dove into the water, swimming down to where he'd seen John disappear a few moments ago. He caught a glimpse of silver hair, wrapping his arms around John's chest and swimming to the surface. He pushed John onto his surfboard, pulling to blue board to shore and rolling John onto the sand. "John." He bent down, listening for a heartbeat. He sighed in relief at the strong beat in his friend's chest, rolling him onto his side and smacking his back. "Come on, puke it up." He smiled as John coughed the sea water from his lungs, giving him one last hard hit to help get the last of it out. "There you go…" He picked up his t-shirt, wiping the thin line of blood from his hairline.

Phoebe fell to her knees beside her brother, waiting for his eyes to come back into focus. "John?"

John smiled, pushing himself onto his elbows. "Mouse…" He held her close, showing her that he'd just hit his head on something. "I'm okay." He whispered, letting Brian and Andy examine the cut on his hairline and the few little scrapes and rash spots on his arms.

* * *

Thomas shook his head as he watched Claire rub rash cream into the bumpy spots on John's chest and arms, he chuckled at the look on John's face. That scowl that always came with anything to do with medications or anything that would help him. "If you keep making that face, it'll stick that way." He rolled his eyes as John flipped him the bird. "Quit it."

Claire smirked as her father's face reddened, recognizing the hint of anger whenever he and John butted heads. She knew it'd been a while since the two had gone at each other, and she knew that with John being so pent up in the hospital for so long, that something was bound to happen. "John. Don't get wound up. Your throat is still prone to swelling."

He shook her off, standing and pulling on a torn, ratted, stained hoodie before he walked out of the house. "Don't wait up." He barked, sticking his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he stepped down the road. He knew where he was going, that diner had become somewhat of a favorite hangout for him —though he didn't stay overnight anymore. Besides, it would be nice to see Annie and her folks again. Plus, the donuts were the best in town.


	303. 303

Chapter Three-Hundred and Three

John kicked a rock out of his way down the sidewalk, wrinkling his nose is the scent of smoke reached his sinuses. "What the?" He looked up at the smoldering remains at the diner, seeing only its remains, blackened in front of him.

He jumped as a woman's voice spoke behind him, turning to see Annie with her signature blonde ponytail and blue ribbon. "Grease fire." She sighed, meeting the teens dark eyes. "We lost the restaurant."

John bit his lip, offering her a hug — a rare sign of affection from him. "How can I help?"

She shook her head, rubbing a hand over his back with strong muscles resided under his skin. "We're doing just fine." She smiled, taking his calloused hands and hers and touching the tips of his fingers. " just keep focusing on your music and building a family."

John smirked, not into the little coffee house on the corner. "Let me buy you a cup." He chuckled when she stepped after him. "It's the least I can do."

Annie shook her head is John told her about his plans for the future, chuckling as he spoke of his hopes for he and Claire, The ideas he had for their wedding, every minute of his life seem to be planned out. "Our children in the picture?" She asked, sipping on her coffee as his eyes came back into focus.

"Umm…" The truth was, he had put a lot of thought into your kids; he was too afraid of becoming his father. "I'm not really sure…" he rub the back of his neck, able to feel where the rope head cut into his skin. "I mean… if Claire wants to get pregnant, I would… give her my sperm but…"

"You're afraid of turning into them." She placed her hands on his, able to feel that his skin had heated with embarrassment "Johnny, you are nothing like him." She smiled as his eyes met her's "you're much more of a man than he will ever be."

Thomas paced back-and-forth on the front porch, waiting for John to come home. He hated when John left in a fit like this, he He was always terrified that he would relapse or OD on something. John was predictable, set in his ways, and stubborn as a mule, but at the same time you could never tell what he was going to do. He could've simply gone for a walk, or he could've gotten into trouble that he couldn't get himself out he was always terrified that he would relapse or OD on something. John was predictable, set in his ways, and stubborn as a mule, but at the same time you could never tell what he was going to do. He could've simply gone for a walk, or he could've gotten into trouble that he couldn't get himself out of.

John had a tendency to find something to get into, even if he wasn't looking for it.

He jumped as he Caught a glimpse of a tall shadow, Smiling when he saw the outline of John in the dark. " oh… good." He sighed, stepping down to see the teen. "You're okay."

John chuckled, picking up the leaves on the bush beside him. "I'm sorry… Dad." He rubbed his wrist twisting the ring around his finger. "I'm just… frustrated…" He sighed, sitting on the stoop of the porch.

Thomas took a seat beside him, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "What about?"

John bowed his head, forcing the tears back. "I just… I feel like, like no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough for her." He twisted his ring, I had it he developed to help with anxiety. "And I'm scared about having kids… Like, what if I turn into him? What if I can't deal with it? What, what if… What if I can't even give her kids?"

Thomas mild, rubbing his hand over John's shoulders. "I'm sure you'll do just fine." He ruffled John's hair, offering him a water bottle. "And knowing Claire, she won't put up with your bullshit if you don't."

He swallowed a drink of water, pushing his hair out of his eyes and letting the Silver Street catch the light in the porch. "Did I just hear Thomas Robert Standish curse?" He smirked, laughing when Thomas lightly punched his jaw — more pushing his head away from him than a punch.

"You're rubbing off on me." He shook his head, putting the teams back before they had it inside.


	304. Chapter 304

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Four**

Claire rubbed her eyes, rolling onto her back and reaching her hand out for John. Her hand hit bare mattress, but the sheets were still warm from his body heat. "John?" She yawned, noticing that his pillow was still rumpled from his restless sleeping habits and that the sheets were an absolute mess on his side of the bed. She sighed, looking out her window to see that the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon.

She stepped down the stairs, picking up the coffee pot and filling a mug before she headed out to the shop. She opened the door to the garage, shaking her head when she saw that he already had his leathers on and the helmet dropped. The buzz of electricity filled her ears, the scent of molten steel reaching her nose. She set the coffee mug down on the tool bench, taking a seat in John's work chair to wait for him to finish his bead. She traced her fingers over his sketches on the corkboard, looking at the carefully planned out projects and even the little codes he'd created to keep all the parts and pieces straight. He was like Asher in that sense, able to think along three axis's. He was as creative as Allison, but he kept it hidden —afraid of what would happen if someone found out.

She paused at one in particular, the image of a baby crib under his 'wood' board. Was he already thinking of babies?

"It's for Asher and Sara." John's voice was still hoarse from sleep, his scent stronger now that he'd been welding. "Beverly's going to go early. I can feel it."

She shook her head, kissing his jaw as he sipped on his coffee. "And what about this one?" She asked, pointing to the arch pinned to the 'metal' board.

"Not telling." He smirked, shooing her out of his chair before taking a seat and pulling her into his lap. "Unless you can guess."

She hummed in thought, turning to look him in the eyes. "A boat?" She smiled sarcastically, laughing when he ticked her ribs.

"That's exactly what it is, Mi Corazón." He buried his nose into her neck, closing his eyes as he breathed her in.

* * *

Amelia screamed in joy as she and Phoebe played around the pool, slipping on the wet cement when Chance ran in front of her. "Momma!" She cried, holding her hand over the back of her head where red blood was seeping from.

John bolted toward her, skinning his knees up on the pavement as he scooped her up in his arms. "Shhh… you're okay." He held her close to his chest, taking a towel from his sister and cupping Amelia's head in his hand. "You're alright."

"I want Momma!" She sobbed, clutching John's tank-top in her hand as he moved her.

He nodded, lifting her with strength and control before he took her inside to her parents. "Mary?" He bit his cheek as he placed Amelia in her mother's arms, afraid that she would blame him. "She slipped by the pool."

Mary rocked her child, motioning to John's ripped up knees. "Go put some cream on those." She kissed his head, giving him a meaningful look of thanks. "Thank you."


	305. Chapter 305

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Five**

Clarissa pushed John's bedroom door open, watching as he smeared antibacterial cream over his knees and proceeded to bandage them with expert hands. "Amelia's fine." She smiled, taking a seat beside him on the bed. "She just got a scratch."

He nodded, tying to wrap off before he looked at her. "Good."

She tilted her head, looking into his dark eyes only to see that he wasn't all there. He was in a flashback, still able to respond, but barely recognizing what was happening around him. She knew that these could hit without a large trigger to set them off, but it was rare to find him still able to communicate. "Call if you need anything." She sighed, pulling his door shut to let the memory ride itself out.

* * *

Toby laughed as he and Tyler thundered up the stairs, skidding to a halt when Clarissa stopped them. "Hey Mrs. Standish." He smiled, covering his mouth as she shushed them.

"We just got the quads to sleep." She whispered, closing the nursery door and stepping toward the stairs. "And I'm not dealing with screaming babies."

Truth was, none of them had gotten much sleep lately. Not only had the quads been fussy, but both John and Phoebe had been suffering night terrors and occasionally someone would find one of them hiding in a dark room and sobbing from the fear.

Despite John's meetings with Holly, and the acupuncture appointments, he still faced the demons of his past every time he closed his eyes.

Clarissa stepped onto the back porch, opening the door to the garage where John was currently working out on his weight sets. She watched as he pulled his sweat covered body up on the bar. The muscles in his shoulders tightened and flexed under his skin, the scars rippled as his true strength was used.

He lowered himself onto the floor, wiping his head on his forearm. He blew the sweat from his lips, taking a drink of water from the bottle on the counter. "What's up?" He asked, able to smell her citrus perfume and the faint hint of bacon and homemade bread.

"We're gonna watch True Grit… we were wondering if you might like to join." She dried his back off with an old towel, being careful when she got close to any of his more tender spots. She could see where he'd bruised himself up in his sleep or when he'd been working on projects, she touched a scratch on his ribs, shaking her head when she noticed the way his muscles shook with exhaustion.

He nodded, able to sense that she was going to scold him for pushing himself so hard. "Sounds like a good plan."

* * *

Claire lifted her plush blanket as John sat beside her, nestling into his side as the movie started. She listened to his strong heart, the thump against his ribs forcing his blood through his body. She could feel his body heat against her own, his exhausted muscles shaking slightly as his cheek rested against her head. "I love you." She breathed, tilting her head and nipping at his ear.

He chuckled, biting her lip and being careful to not harm her with his sharp teeth. "I love you more." He pushed his hand into her hair, tangling her locks of red fire in his fingers and pulling her closer to him.


	306. Chapter 306

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Six**

Clarissa watched as John and the band prepared for the concert. It was the first time John had sung a full show since the attempted hanging, and his voice was still weaker than it used to be. She listened to his voice, smiling when they finished soundcheck and he came backstage. "You sound great." She encouraged, kissing his cheek.

"You're gonna love tonight's show." He chuckled, pulling his t-shirt over his hips to hide the harness.

* * *

John's voice rose, his power echoing over the crowd as the lines attached to his harness were pulled tight and his feet left the stage. He was vaguely aware of Clarissa's voice in his in-ear pack, screaming at him to get down and stop risking his life. He quickly fixed that problem by taking the speaker out of his ear and letting it rest on his shoulder. He let himself flip upside down, continuing the song without missing a single beat.

His nose wrinkled as the smell of overdue frying oil, liver, onions, and cheep cologne reached his nose. One thought passed through his mind: _Ben._

* * *

Thomas jumped back as John stormed backstage, able to see his shaking muscles, the black pools in his eyes, the harsh pants of breath, he was starting to fall into a flashback and from the signs this would be a bad one. He waved Ryan over, nodding to the teen as he stalked around the equipment. "What do you think triggered it?" He asked, pulling Phoebe close to his hip.

"Hard to tell." He shrugged, letting Clarissa and her daughter step toward John to catch him should he fall when the memory took over completely. "He can be triggered by just about anything. Even just a smell connected to a memory."

Claire lunged for John as his legs gave out, wrapping her hands around his biceps and chest. "John. John, listen to me. You're safe. You're at the concert, backstage, with all of us." She brushed her lips over his ear, stopping at the shiver of revulsion that passed through him.

He hissed a breath, one name on his lips. "Ben…"

* * *

John didn't sleep that night, instead choosing to pace around the nursery and take care of the quads. He bounced Flynn in his arms, rocking Violet's crib as she fussed. The dark circles under his eyes had returned, and no matter what he did, he couldn't get the taste and smell of Ben out of his head. He could still taste the blood from when he'd bitten the pervs lip, still smell the BO when he'd gotten too close while tying John to the laundry poles for his flogging. He could still feel his hard hands on his body, still see him teasing himself every time he closed his eyes. He hadn't seen Ben in the crowd, but he knew that the creep had been there.

Jade leaned on the doorframe, listening to John's quiet voice as he sang gentle songs to her children. The words weren't what you would call happy, in fact, they were exactly the opposite, this was a song he'd written in rehab… after the relapse that had nearly taken his life and his spirit.

"I got no excuses For all of these goodbyes… Call me when it's over 'Cause I'm dying inside, Wake me when the shakes are gone And the cold sweats disappear… Call me when it's over And myself has reappeared I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why I do it every, every, every time It's only when I'm lonely Sometimes I just wanna cave And I don't wanna fight I try and I try and I try and I try and I try Just hold me, I'm lonely Momma, I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore And daddy, please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor To the ones who never left me We've been down this road before I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore I'm sorry to my future love, for breaking your trust again, And I'm sorry for the faith I lost When they watched me fall again… I wanna be a role model But I'm only human I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why I do it every, every, every time It's only when I'm lonely… Sometimes I just wanna cave And I don't wanna fight I try and I try and I try and I try and I try Just hold me, I'm lonely… Momma, I'm so sorry I'm not sober anymore And daddy, please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor To the ones who never left me We've been down this road before I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore I'm not sober anymore I'm sorry that I'm here again I promise I'll get help It wasn't my intention I'm sorry to myself…" His breath rattled in his chest, a silvery tear slipping down his cheek as he sang. The words holding parts of his heart that he would never bare to anyone else. The parts of him that only Claire could see.

Jade smiled, turning on her heel and walking back to the room that she and Dominic were using. "He's still with them." She yawned, crawling back into bed with her future husband.

"He won't sleep tonight." He moaned, rolling over and pulling her back against his chest. "He never does after something like that." He rested his chin on her head, drifting off before another word could be passed between them..


	307. Chapter 307

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Seven**

Claire lifted a blanket onto John's shoulders, kissing the hollow behind his ear and rubbing his shoulders. "Good morning." She smiled, combing her fingers through his hair.

He tilted his head, letting her kiss his throat. She was the only one he let touch her there, it was a small symbol of trust for him, something that only a select few people were allowed to do. "Morning." He yawned, pulling her to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his nose in her neck.

She smiled, letting his teeth nip at her skin. "Did you sleep at all last night?" She asked, closing her eyes as he moved his mouth to her collarbone. She could feel his breath fan over her skin, the warmth of his body against hers.

"No." He whispered, tightening his grip on her when thunder rumbled outside. "I would've had nightmares."

She bit her lip, picking up Sage as she started to fuss for her diaper to be changed. "Do you know what triggered it?" She asked, picking up a new diaper and a pack of baby wipes.

He started to warm up a bottle, knowing that it was almost time for another feeding. "When… Jacob took us… there was a guy, Ben." He took a breath, laying out some new onesies and booties for them. "He… tried to rape both me and Phoebe."

She finished with Sage's diaper, handing her over to John for her new outfit. "Was he there?" She asked, grunting as she picked up Flynn. "Goodness sakes! Hulk, you could use to lose a little weight."

John chuckled, bouncing sage on his hip before he set her on the play mat. "I didn't see him, but I'll never forget that smell." He wrinkled his nose, gagging slightly with the scent of Flynn's diaper, and the memory of Ben's stink combining.

She nodded, moving on to Violet as John got Flynn dressed. "Dad's been on the phone with a lawyer all morning… one of the girls in the crowd was assaulted."

John's head snapped up, his eyes flashing yellow before they plunged to black. "What?" He asked, gritting his teeth and making his gums bleed.

She picked up a tissue, wiping the blood from his lips. "We're getting our teeth out tomorrow morning."

He curled his lip, hardly able to hear her through the anger screaming in his head. "I'll kill him." He growled, the muscles in his body going taught with rage. "I'll kill that son of a bitch." He pushed Claire back as she tried to hug him, letting her know that he didn't want to be touched right now.


	308. Chapter 308

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Eight**

Clarissa listened as Thomas argued back and forth with the lawyer on the other end of the line, picking out the little details that she could about this case. Apparently there had been a girl who'd been raped at John's concert, and her mother was trying to sue the band for damages.

She huffed, yelping when she was nearly run over by John when he stormed down the hallway. She could see the tension in his body, the anger coursing through his veins; someone must've told him.

She jumped slightly as the studio door slammed shut, her brow furrowing with the odd spot he'd chosen. He hardly ever went into the studio when he was mad, usually he opted for the garage where his weights and heavy bag were.

* * *

John stalked around the sound-proof room, his breath coming in short pants as if he were a caged animal. He hated this, hated to think that Ben had targeted one of _his_ fans. He knew he wasn't much, but for some reason those teens looked up to him, and the fact that one young girl had been a victim of the same evil he had faced. And God only knew what Ben had done to her.

Rape was a pain that no one should ever feel, and he couldn't stand the thought of another human being taking it. He would have taken a dozen dicks up the ass, if it meant saving someone else from that guilt.

He screamed in frustration, his throat ripped raw with the cry, and he could taste the metallic flavor of blood on his tongue. He could almost feel the gang thrusting into him, the irritation of Prick Dick's piercing against his prostate returning like a hammer to the balls, he could practically see Buzzard's claw-like hands wrapped around his member, the tip turning dark purple when the blood was cut off.

He fell to his knees, curling into the fetal position with his hands over his head. "FUCK YOU!" He screamed, hot tears running down his cheeks. "YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT US! YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ANYTHING!" He beat his fists into the flooring, not noticing when they began to bleed and blood splattered across the floor. "IF YOU WERE THE GOD WE LEARNED ABOUT AS CHILDREN, YOU WOULDN'T LET THIS SHIT HAPPEN!" He glared at the ceiling, wiping his nose with bloody hands. "YOU NEVER GAVE A FUCK!"

* * *

Three hours passed, and John was still locked in the studio. Clarissa tossed a bag of lockpicks at Kaylie, nodding to the stairs. "I need you to break in." She followed the teen down to the studio, gasping when the door popped open. "John!" She pushed his hair back from his face, rubbing her thumb over his cheek and touching his swollen hands. "My God, what did you do?" She watched as his chest rose and fell in a deep sleep, sighing as she realized he'd simply cried himself out. "Oh… baby." She took a blanket from Kaylie as she stepped forward, draping it over his skinny body and propping his head up on a pillow.

"He'll sleep through the night." Kaylie whispered, remembering the few other times John had cried himself to sleep. "He always does when the dreams don't hit."

Clarissa nodded, wiping John's cheeks free of dried blood with a moist tissue. "He needs it." She brushed a kiss over his temple, smiling at Claire as she walked down the stairs into the studio. "He cried himself out." She stated, watching as Claire pulled John's shoes and socks off, along with his t-shirt and jeans.

"He's been wearing these too long." She sighed, tracing her fingertip over the sores and lines on his hips. She sat back on the piano bench, letting him have his space. She'd been hurt when he'd refused her hug, but she also knew that he went through times when he couldn't stand human contact, and others where it was all he craved —honestly, he was almost worse than a pregnant woman. "I'll stay with him tonight."

Kaylie pulled Clarissa from the room, leaving the two alone. "I'll bring you dinner later." She smiled, grabbing John's laundry before she headed up the stairs.


	309. Chapter 309

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Nine**

Claire laid a few feet away from John as they slept, giving him the space he needed at the moment. She jolted awake as a rough hand was placed on her cheek, smiling as she looked into John's dark eyes. "Hey." She whispered, kissing his fingertips when he traced them over her face.

He gave a little lop-sided smirk, sliding his body over the floor to lay with her. His voice was as good as gone, but he had other ways of showing his words. He nipped at her lips, wrapping his arm around her hips and letting her do the same.

* * *

Clarissa smiled as John and Claire walked back with the orthodontist technicians, whispering a prayed for them. "You'll be okay." She sighed, picking up her crocheting and starting on a new row.

* * *

Clarissa and Thomas waited for nearly two hours for John and Claire to get their teeth taken out. When they were finally able to see John and Claire, all they could do was laugh.

John was drooling and had a spaced out look to his eyes, and Claire could hardly keep her head straight. They stumbled and swayed as they walked, and every time one of them bumped into the other, they would fall into the wall.

"My God." Thomas laughed, taking Claire's hands and helping her to the car while Clarissa took John. "You two are loopier than a rollercoaster."

John let Clarissa wipe his mouth with a tissue, still struggling to come out of the anesthesia they'd used to put him under. "Claire… your ass looks pretty." He giggled as Clarissa helped him into the backseat of the car, touching Claire's leg when she crawled in beside him.

"You've got chipmunk cheeks!" She smiled, touching his face and pushing on his cheeks where the gauze was keeping his gums from bleeding.

"You sound like a squirrel!" He poked her cheeks, his laugh bouncing in his chest when she stuck her tongue out at him.

Thomas sighed, thinking about the hour-long drive back to the house. "This is gonna be a long ride."

"At least they're not complaining about the pain right now." She knew that the griping was going to be hell, and the fact that John couldn't take the OxyContin that they'd given them for the pain was going to make it worse.

* * *

Dominic chuckled when he walked into John's bedroom, shaking his head at the look of pure misery on his cousin's face. "Hey there, Blowfish." He smirked, taking a seat on the bed and rubbing John's arm like he used to do when they were small children. "You're feeling pretty shitty, huh?"

John's eyes shifted to his cousin, the irises darkening with his glare.

"How about some ice cream?" He smiled, remembering when he'd gotten his teeth out a few months ago.

John gave a small nod, closing his eyes as he pressed his cheek into the ice pack under his head.

* * *

Jessica watched as John sipped on water and took tiny bites of ice cream. She could see that he wasn't wearing any shirt and that his scars were healing. She took a closer look at his tattoo, biting her lip when she read what it said. "That bitch." She growled, taking a drink of vodka to help numb the pain of what Claire had taken from her.


	310. Chapter 310

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Ten**

John curled on his side, fighting back the tears that moistened his lashes. His mouth ached, the throbbing in his cheeks like a jackhammer in his jaws. "Momma…" He whimpered, his stomach growling with hunger for the mush that passed for food.

Clarissa appeared a moment later with an ice pack wrapped in a dish rag. She sighed as she helped him lift his head, placing the ice pack under his cheek. She combed his hair back, pulled his blanket higher on his side, moved his water glass a little closer to him. "Does it hurt bad?"

He nodded, taking his bandanna from under his pillow and wiping his mouth where he'd drooled a little. "Bad…"

She brushed a tear from his eyes, kissing his head as she tried to think of any way that she could help him with the pain. She sat beside him on the bed, offering to hold him like only a mother could. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding his head to her chest quietly humming under her breath. "Try to sleep."

* * *

Claire pushed John's bedroom door open, giggling when she saw that John and her mother were both passed out cold.

John's head was rested on her lap, his chest rising and falling with his breath. His had was wrapped in Clarissa's skirt, his face lax with contentment. His features had softened in his slumber, the furrow of his brows having loosened, the tight press of his lips relaxed, the hard set of his jaw was softer, and the circles under his eyes lighter. This was the John they all loved to see.

The happy, healthy, secure John. The one who had not a care in the world outside of his family. The John whose skin was like caramel, hair like brown silk, eyes like honey or dark whiskey. He was stronger then, when he could rely on his health more than his looks.

Thomas placed gentle hands on his daughter's shoulders, nodding to the two on the bed. "He needs something for the pain." He smiled, noticing how Clarissa's fingers moved through John's hair. "And what's better than a mother's love?"

Claire grinned as John's breath deepened, his mind falling into an even deeper sleep that only came when he felt safe in his surroundings. "I just wish he'd felt it when he was a baby…" She turned to look at her father, giving him a hug as she thought of the pain John had felt and never been comforted for.

* * *

Asher picked up his great-niece from her swing, bouncing her in his arms as he sang a quiet song to her. He smiled at her as she held his fingertip, chuckling as her green eyes shone up at him. "You look just like your mother." He shook his head, glancing up as Sara stepped into the room.


	311. Chapter 311

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Eleven**

John listened to the arguments inside of Thomas's office, able to hear the small cries of the girl who'd been attacked at his concert. Finally, after what seemed like forever to him, he couldn't take it anymore. He pushed the door open, taking a seat beside the women in the office. "What did the guy look like?" He asked, the image of Ben so strong that he could see every line in his face.

The girl's eyes widened, hardly able to believe that John Bender was sitting next to her. "He was tall, dark hair, kind of fat… and he had these two little scars on his lips like he was bitten by something."

John nodded, running his tongue over his canine teeth. "He was bitten by me." He huffed a breath, preparing himself to tell these strangers what he'd lived through. "His name's Ben Rife. He's an escaped child molester and kidnapper. He used to be a prison cook, and escaped with my dirtbag father, Jacob Bender, back in late November last year."

The mother's mouth fell open, surprise showing on her face. "So how did you bite his lips?" She asked, not seeing the pain behind his eyes.

Thomas watched John with careful consideration, listening intently to John as he spoke of his time in Mexico. He was ready to jump to John's side if anything should happen, such as a flashback or an anxiety attack.

"Ben forced me to kiss him when Jacob was busy raping my mother." He could still taste the copper tang on Ben's blood on his tongue, shuddering at the memory of Beverly's screams. "That was right before I was forced into an illegal fighting ring and was put up against six men who were bigger than I was. And that was after I'd been starved for three days." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "After that, something happened that pissed Jacob off and he tied me to the laundry polls outside of our hideout, where he whipped me into unconsciousness."

The girl bit her lip, noticing the scarring around his throat, and wrists. "How did you escape?"

John shook his head, the memories too fuzzy to remember it all. "All I remember is being shot and the next thing I knew I was in the States again."

The mother scoffed, turning back to Thomas. "You expect this sob story to fix what happened to my daughter?"

John lifted his head, placing his hand on the desk. "Nothing can fix it!" He snapped, turning to look at the girl. "I should know… I was raped too."

"How can a boy be raped?" She asked incredulously, crossing her arms.

"There's such a thing as gay rape." John stated, the feeling of a dick down his throat returning with the thought. "Your daughter was lucky to only take one. I took six." He took a shaky breath. "Listen, I'm sorry that you had to live through this. But there's nothing that can change it. All I can say, is that if you were a virgin before this happened, you still are. It doesn't count unless it's consensual." He offered his hand to the girl, knowing better that to get too close to her. "Even seeing them behind bars won't take the pain away."

She wiped a tear from her cheek, leaning forward to let John hug her. "Thank you…" She whispered, feeling safe for the first time since the concert.

"For what?"

"For being so nice to me." She wiped her nose on her wrist, taking the old bandanna from him as he offered it to her.


	312. Chapter 312

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twelve**

John took his baby sister from Sara, fighting a few small tears back as he looked at her. "Hey there, Amber…" He smiled, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm your big brother." He pressed a tender kiss to her head, giving back to her adoptive mother. "I'll be back in a little bit, I've gotta take a piss." He paused for a moment making sure no one would follow him to his real destination.

He smiled, giving a short nod before he took off for the hospital room he was looking for.

* * *

Beverly let little cries escape her as she thought of never being able to hold her daughter again. This pain was worse than any beating she'd ever taken, even worse than being raped by her husband for each of the three children she'd bared. They'd all come early, but for some reason, she felt like she needed more time to be pregnant —more time with her last child.

"Bev?"

She gasped as she looked up from her pillow, biting her lip as John stepped toward her. "How is she?" She asked, fear rising in her throat as he took a seat next to her. "Is she-"

"She perfect." He smiled, placing his hand on hers. "I was only crying because I was happy."

"I was so worried when I went into labor…" She sighed, reaching her hand out to touch his face. "I was afraid that she'd be blue… like you were."

He nodded, letting her hold his head in her palm. "I know." He thought of how unhealthy he'd been as a child, how thin and frail he'd been. "But she's perfectly fine." He smirked, mischief in his eyes. "Besides, the first kid's always a practice anyway."

She shook her head, looking him over only to see that he really wasn't a baby anymore, he was truly a man, grown into a strong protector and provider for a new family —a new generation of Benders. "You're so much like Asher." She smiled, her heart aching when his eyes changed to dark brown. "I should have married him."

* * *

Claire snuggled against John's chest, listening to his quiet breath, the beat of his heart, the blood rushing through the veins and arteries in his skin. She closed her eyes, tracing her fingertips over his pecs where a few of the smaller scars resided on his skin. She breathed his scent, smiling as his natural musk filled her nose.

"I smell a hell of a lot better than Ben does, I guess." He chuckled as she wriggled up to his neck, lifting his chin as she suckled on his skin.

"Anything would smell better than him." She whispered, her brow furrowing when something fell under his bed. "What was that?"

John shrugged, rolling off of the bed and crawling underneath it to find the microphone that Jessica had planted there. "I think we've got a termite." He held the microphone up, smirking as he placed two fingers in his mouth and blowing a sharp whistle into the black wire mesh.

* * *

Jessica threw the headphones from her ears, John's whistle causing her ears to ring with the volume. "You fucking prick!" She cried, cupping her hands over her ears to try and get the ringing to stop.


	313. Chapter 313

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirteen**

Clarissa rushed to John's room, noticing the little black microphone in his hand. "What is that?" She asked, hoping that it was just a part of recording equipment.

"Jessica planted a bug under my bed." John smirked, thinking about the nonsense she would have heard with the house full of dorks. "And knowing her, there's probably more."

Claire giggled, her face reddening when she remembered the nightmares John had been suffering from, and the tests he'd had to do when he'd caught the chicken pox. "Where would the others be?" She asked, watching as John's dark eyes scanned over his bedroom and landed on his amp in the corner.

"You know, that amp's been rattling whenever I try to use it, and I was just about to strip it so that I could fix whatever's inside." He stood, popping the back off and pulling the camera from inside. "Hello."

Clarissa glared at the device, taking it from John and rushing to Thomas's office —unaware that he was meeting with Kate and her mother again. "Tom-" She stopped short as the teen wrapped John's bandanna around her hand, knowing that John must've given it to her. "You must be Kate." She smiled, placing the microphone and camera in Thomas's drawer as discreetly as possible.

Kate nodded, brushing her brown hair out of her eyes as she looked at the woman. "Does John want his bandanna back?"

She shook her head, smiling as she heard John and Claire roaring in laughter down the hallway. "I don't think he'll mind if you keep it." She jumped slightly as a loud thud echoed through the house.

"I'm fine!" Claire shouted, seconds before John let a yelp of surprise escape him.

She shook her head, meeting Kate's eyes as she excused herself. "I think he's too preoccupied trying to not be killed by my daughter."

* * *

Phoebe screamed in joy as her float was lifted by the waves on the ocean, laughing when something bumped the bottom and nearly pushed her over. "Dom!" She squealed, splashing him when he wasn't looking at her. "Don't do that!"

He smirked, pointing to John as he pushed himself to stand on his board. "Look!" He grinned watching as his cousin steadied himself and rode the water. "He's doing it!"

John closed his eyes, concentrating on the water beneath his board, the salt on his skin, the wind in his soaked hair. If he'd ever felt freedom, this was it. He touched the water with his fingertips, smirking as the scent of saltwater reached his nose.

Claire bit her lip as she watched him from the shore, standing up when he wobbled and righted himself. "He's got it!" She cheered. "He's really surfing!"

Vernon looked up from his book, taking his sunglasses off as he watched the trouble maker ride the wave. "Holy Hell." He chuckled, shaking his head. "There'll be no stopping him now."


	314. Chapter 314

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Fourteen**

John leaned back on the sofa, looping his arm over Claire's shoulders as she snuggled into his side. He pressed a tender kiss to her head, making himself comfortable as the family gathered around the TV for the nightly news.

"Breaking News, Hurricane Danny has hit the gulf coast of Florida United States."

John sat forward, looking at the hurricane. His eyes flashed yellow, fear reflected in the light from the screen.

Claire touched his back, biting her lip with the memory of how John felt about storms. "John?" She jumped as he stood and marched out of the room, meeting her mother's eyes before she went after him.

She followed him to his room, pausing at the door when she saw that he was stuffing clothing into his suitcase. "John?" She asked, smiling when he looked up at her. "Where're you going?"

He jumped as a strong gust of wind swept through his window. "I need to help." He stuffed a pair of underwear into the suitcase, only pausing when Claire's hand rested on his back.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, sitting down on his bed as he bowed his head.

"When I was a kid, there was a big storm on Lake Superior." He closed his eyes as the memory started to play like a movie in his head. "We were living right by the shore then, and Jacob had locked me in the crawl space right before it hit." He could almost feel the water rising around him, his small body struggling to keep his head above the surface in the dark. "I was lucky to survive, but the house was flooded beyond repair, and that's when we moved over to our neighborhood in Shermer."

She nodded, slowly placing her hand on his knee as if asking to touch him. "And that's when it got bad."

He swallowed, his head bobbing as his hair fell over his eyes. "Yeah…"

* * *

Steven rubbed his chin, thinking about John's proposal of a fundraiser for the Hurricane survivors and their families. "I think we can work that out." His eyes lit up with the idea of the profits. "It'd be good publicity."

"I don't even want the publicity." John stated, the feeling of water rising around him returning. "I just want to do the right thing."

"I can have you all out there by next week, but I've gotta try to find three tour busses with how big of a family you've got."

"Just get one bus, and I'll take care of the hotel expenses. We just need the bus for shelter and our instruments, if we get in a tight spot." He thought back to the times he'd had low blood sugar, or gotten over heated and had a seizure, and the few other times he just needed a break.

Steven nodded, patting John's shoulder as he stood. "I'll start looking for some plane tickets."

John's heart dropped into his shoes, but his lips curled in a smirk to hide his fear. "Thanks man."


	315. Chapter 315

**Chapter Three Hundred and Fifteen**

Clarissa took Phoebe's hand in her own, leading her onto the plane. She placed their bags in the overhead bin, and taking her seat. She thought about John, Claire, Thomas, and a few of the others on the bus traveling by ground. John had told her that he didn't feel comfortable that far off the ground and he'd prefer to ride in the bus that Steven had supplied for them. She hated the idea of not having her children close to her, and the idea of them driving across the country over two thousand miles and arrive two days after she and the others got into town and settled into a hotel several miles from the damage before they even reached Texas.

* * *

John crawled into his bunk, wiggling around until he was under his blankets with his head on the pillow. He could hear the hum of the tires on the pavement as Thomas drove, the rocking of the bus somehow a comfort in the dark bunk room. He pulled the little curtain to his window back, watching as the headlights of passing cars flew by, the lights of Phoenix Arizona creating a nice glow in the dark.

"It's pretty, for a desert." Claire rested her chin of his mattress, before she leapt into his bed to cuddle.

He nodded, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she nestled into his side. "Yeah."

She kissed his throat, able to feel that he hadn't shaved. "What's on your mind?" She asked, understanding why he didn't shave on the bus since it moved and he used a straight razor, but he was never this quiet. Not unless he was over thinking.

He shrugged, lifting his chin as he closed his eyes. "Do you think they're alright?" He mumbled, his larynx vibrating against her lips with the words.

She propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at his tan skin and dark eyes in the last bits of the Phoenix lights. "I think they're fine." She smiled, the very last street light reflecting in his eyes like a flash of honey before it was swallowed by the dark of night. "What happened with you and planes?" She whispered, able to hear Kaylie crawling into her bunk for the night.

John gave a little huff, his eyes drifting to look out the window. "My Grandma was in a plane crash when I was two… she was the only person who ever gave a shit about me." He watched as a little red, blinking light flew overhead. "I barely remember her, but she was flying up to Michigan after that storm hit… and…" He couldn't finish the sentence, swallowing with the memory of seeing the crash on the news when he'd been put in the hospital for two days just as a precaution after a rescue worker had found him half-drowned, and soaked to the bone. He'd had a slight case of hypothermia, but other than that, he'd been fine. Although, he did remember looking like a drowned rat with how thin he'd been and his shaggy hair.

Claire nodded, tracing her fingertips over a few raised lines on his chest and pressing on the pressure point on his right pec that she always used to make him relax. "And that was when it happened." She let him pull her closer to his body, pressing herself farther into his ribs. She could feel his heartbeat, his breath slightly off as the memory took hold. "Baby… I'm so sorry…"

Kaylie curled on her side, listening silently as John and Claire spoke, remembering the first time she'd seen him in kindergarten... still shaken from that storm and obviously suffering from the early signs of PTSD. Everything had started with that damn storm… and it had only gotten worse with every passing years.


	316. Chapter 316

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Sixteen**

Clarissa yawned as she filled her paper plate in the breakfast room, jumping when familiar hands were placed over her eyes. "Good morning Tommy." She smirked, turning around to hug her husband. "Twenty-three-years of marriage and I've memorized every line in your hands."

Thomas laughed, kissing her lips as John stole the key to Clarissa and Phoebe's room from Clarissa's PJ pocket and disappearing as quickly as he'd appeared. "Tell me you just felt that little pickpocket steal that."

She nodded, rolling her eyes as she listened to Claire and Allison giggle in the corner of the room. "He's lost his edge." She smiled, remembering when she'd first met John and he'd stolen every little bit of food he could get his hands on, and even started hording pennies and dimes in his pillow case. "Remember when he nabbed your letter opener and hid it under his mattress?"

"He used to pull it on me when I surprised him." He shook his head, the little scar on his palm itching as he thought of the one-time John had actually gotten a good slice in.

* * *

Phoebe groaned as she rolled over, rubbing her eyes as she looked up at her brother. "Wolf…" She gave a tired smile, her mouth tilting the same way John's always did when he was tired.

He nodded, rolling over her and onto the bed beside her. "Morning Mouse." He yawned, tucking one arm under the pillow as he rested on a real bed.

She snuggled into his abdomen, pressing her forehead to his sternum. "Glad you're here."

He snored, already having dropped into a dead sleep.

* * *

John kept his head low, watching his step as he picked his way through the rubble left from the storm. He looked up as a familiar voice spoke to someone in the Red Cross tent. He didn't remember the man speaking, but the voice was like something he'd heard in a dream long ago.

The man glanced over at him, giving a small smile before he went back to his conversation.

That's when it hit him.

* * *

John's legs and arms scrambled to keep his head above the water, the dark, tightness of the crawlspace offering no escape. He gasped for air; his small body shocked by something as it hit his left arm. He forced the tears back, fighting against the odds of survival. He reached out for the beam in the ceiling, his hand clutching at a rusty wire as he finally let his body relax.

Red and blue lights flashed as John was jostled in the strong arms of someone in a warm coat. He looked up at the man, able to feel someone fitting a mask over his face as his rescuer carried him to safety and wrapped him in a hot blanket. He was vaguely aware of him shouting orders, but nothing would register.

* * *

John gasped as the memory stopped, nearly falling into a pile of split and splintered wood before Dominic caught him. "He…" John gasped, recognizing the man's soft face, and his dark hair that was now graying at the sides. "He's the one… who pulled me out of the crawlspace." He swallowed, letting Dominic right him on his feet again.


	317. Chapter 317

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Seventeen**

John pulled a hair tie out of his pocket, pulling the long locks of his gray streak back with the hair that was hanging over his eyes and secured it at the nape of his neck. He could feel Claire and her father watching him, making sure he was alright to work, but he didn't give them the satisfaction of letting them know he sensed them.

He pulled his flannel off, tossing it onto a truck that the Red Cross had supplied for the cleanup. He let his eyes wander over the site, catching a glimpse of the man who'd saved his life almost sixteen years ago. He could tell the man didn't recognize him, who knew, maybe he'd even forgotten John existed.

Dominic hefted a cinderblock into the back of a pickup, wiping his brow on his forearm. He could feel a sunburn starting on his shoulders, and when he glanced over at his cousin, he saw that the Greek heritage wasn't protecting him as well as it usually did.

John jumped as a heavy boot stepped on the shattered glass beside him. "Holy-" He looked up at the man beside him, smiling when he saw that it was the same man who'd rescued him so long ago.

"Didn't I used to know you?" He asked, taking a seat on some stones and bricks.

John nodded, looking over to Clarissa was preparing a small lunch for the teams. "Lake Superior, 1968." He met the man's eyes, swallowing as he saw the realization hit him. "I was the little kid you pulled out of that crawlspace on 200 East."

"You've grown up." He smiled, looking at the old ear cuff on the kid's cartilage where a small scar had been from that night. "I never introduced myself, I'm Jerry Long."

John touched the cuff on his ear, little flashes of that night coming back. "John Bender." He shook Jerry's hand, nodding toward the rest of the family. "I'll introduce you to my family."

Jerry watched as John stepped between the obstacles in his path, able to tell that he'd once had a slight limp, though he seemed to walk normally now. "Was your limp from that desk that you were pinned under when I found you?"

John shook his head, barely remembering anything after he'd grabbed hold of that wire. "No. My old man got real abusive when we moved back to Illinois. He busted my leg when I was ten, and it never really healed right after that."

Jerry thought back to the parents of this child, how the mother had been worried for him, but his father had almost seemed upset that he'd even survived. "I knew that something wasn't right there." He placed a hand on John's back, shocked that he didn't flinch or move away after having just told him about his past. "You must not be with them anymore then?"

"No. I was in foster care for the last year, and even though I'm eighteen, I still live with them." He gave Claire a hug, planting a kiss on her lips and swiftly sticking his tongue into her mouth to press on that one spot that got her hot. "Claire, this is Jerry. He's the guy who saved my ass from drowning."

Claire's cheeks were bright red, and her eyes were almost twice as wide as they normally were. "Why do you always do that right before you introduce me to someone?" She smacked his chest, leaving a red mark under his tank top.

John laughed, tracing a soft hand over the nape of her neck. "I'm sorry, Sweets." He tilted his chin down, pressing his forehead against hers and gazing into her eyes as his changed to the softest brown she'd ever seen.


	318. Chapter 318

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Eighteen**

Claire handed John a water bottle as he heaved a breath. "Getting tired?" She asked, grabbing a bandanna that her mother had supplied for him from his back pocket and wiping it over his brow.

He gasped in relief as he twisted the lid back onto the bottle, shaking his head before planting a kiss onto her nose. "No. Just hot." His eyes widened as the words left his lips, able to see Claire had her scheming face on. "Oh, no you don't." He backed away from her, that mischief in her eyes too obvious.

"Oh, no I don't, what?" She asked innocently, lifting her Bambi eyes to make herself look even more innocent.

"Don't play dumb. You're planning something." He pointed an accusing finger at her as the wheels started to turn. "Stop it!"

"What?"

"Planning fuckery!" He stated, his blood heating with fear of the prank to come.

Clarissa glared at him, raising her voice as she called across the site. "Put a dollar in the swear jar!"

John pulled out a twenty, marching over to the little jar that was sitting on the table beside the bus. "Here. This should hold me over until that Goddamn prank happens. Then I'll have to put a fifty in there."

* * *

John coughed as dust got into his lungs, his exhaustion showing as the sun began to set. He had to fight to stay on his feet, and he knew that the second he went to sit down, he wouldn't get up until the next morning.

"John!" Clarissa called when she noticed that he was moving slower. "Come get dinner and go to bed."

"I'm fine, Mom!" John shouted, a small scream escaping his throat as Asher grabbed his shirt collar and hauled him to the bus. "Put me down!" He growled, twisting like a cat in a net until Asher finally planted him on his chair.

"Eat." Asher smirked, giving his nephew a hard tap on the ear. "Or I'll glue your ass to that seat."

John rolled his eyes, throwing a hotdog bun at Tyler as he wandered over with his video camera. "Fuck off asshole!" He snapped, his stomach twisting uncomfortably as his overly tired body became extra sensitive to the scent of Ketchup and Mustard combining with potato salad, barbeque gas, and burned grease. "I'm just gonna go to bed." He stood, entering the bus before he rolled into his bunk and pulled the curtain closed.

* * *

Claire pulled John's curtain back, climbing into his bed and cuddling into his chest. She picked up one of his old flannels, gently wiping it over his cheekbones, and nose to clean him of the sweat and dirk. She rolled him onto his side, giggling when he didn't even make a sound of disapproval as she pulled his arms out of his flannel and touched her fingertips to the black tattoo on the inside of his arm. "Saved by an angel." She kissed the ink, gently combing his hair back and laying back down beside him. "Well, I was rescued by a knight disguised as a scoundrel." She closed her eyes, completely missing the little smirk on his lips as sleep over took her.


	319. Chapter 319

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Nineteen**

Tyler laughed as he focused his video camera on John and Claire in their shared bunk. "Good morning!" He smiled as John's eyes opened and he tried to blink the sleep from his lashes.

"Ty… at least wait to video me until I don't look like an extra from Night of the Comet." His words were sloppy with sleep, and he was still curled around Claire as if protecting her from one of his own demons.

Claire giggled, kissing his throat right where his morning scruff started to thin out. "I like your morning look." She breathed, her lips bare centimeters from his skin.

He gave a tired smirk, leaning toward her. "Brains…" He groaned, kissing her head before he rested his brow against hers. "Brains too sweet for Zombie John."

Tyler laughed, shutting his camera off as the red light started to blink, telling him that the tape was used up. "You two are nauseating." He smirked, picking up a new cassette from his bunk and popping it into the camera, after he'd taken the old one out and labeled it with the words 'Florida rebuild (part one)' and tucked it into the case that Mary and Paul had bought him for Christmas. "Come on, the hens made pancakes for breakfast."

* * *

John wolfed his breakfast down, and bolted to the site to get to work. He knew that Clarissa would be on his ass all day with the concert being that night, but he still needed to get as much work done as possible. His body ached with sore muscles, and the old wounds on his skin felt like they were being scraped with sandpaper from the sunburn he'd gotten yesterday.

Phoebe watched her brother for a moment, before she bounded after him; in her torn jeans and old t-shirt she almost looked like a miniature female version of him. "Wolf!" She called, stopping as he bent down to grab a chunk of bricks that had been busted apart with the storm. "Let me help."

John laughed, hefting the bricks into a truck and pointing to a pile of drywall. "You can start loading those into the trucks." He grunted as he lifted another huge bunch of concrete and yelping as something in his shoulder popped. "Fuck!" He dropped the concrete, cradling his arm for a moment until it stopped hurting. "Mouse, can you give me a hand?"

Phoebe nodded, shucking her gloves off and clapping furiously with a dopey grin that matched John's perfectly. "There you go."

He rolled his eyes, pushing his fingers into a mud puddle and wiping them over her face. "Smartass." He chuckled, lifting half of the rock and letting Phoebe help him put it on the tailgate. "Thanks." He gave her a little kiss on the head, nearly jumping out of his skin as a camera flash went off and a man with slicked back hair and a tape recorder sidled up to him.

"Excuse me, are you Johnathan Bender?" He asked, smirking when John pushed Phoebe behind him.

"Yes…" John stated, cautiously looking the man over. "Why?"

"My name, is Howard Barton, I'm the head reporter for the New York Times." He smiled at Phoebe, noticing the resemblance between the two. "Is this your daughter?" He asked, knowing that many singers and performers had children who were kept out of the lime light, and sometimes looked older even though their parents were young and sometimes not yet old enough to drink.

"Fuck no." John snapped, raising a brow at the red light on the recorder. "She's my little sister." He turned his back on the man, walking away to get back to work. "Now shut that damn thing off and let me get back to work."


	320. Chapter 320

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty**

Clarissa grabbed John's wrist just before he stepped on stage, pushing his bangs back and tying a bandanna around his head. "For good luck." She smiled, pressing a quick, motherly kiss to his head before she tapped his back and watched him jog onto the stage. She didn't miss the harness he had attached to his hips, or the extra carabiner clipped to his hips.

"What's up Florida?" He shouted into the mic, grinning as the crowd cheered. "As I'm sure you've figured out, this concert is completely free, and all we ask is that you enjoy the music and any donations you are able to give are much appreciated. After a storm like this, every penny counts." He glanced back at Jerry behind the stage, his eyes changing to a blue tint. "We can all understand that." He smirked at Clarissa. "Now, my family and I have a swear jar back stage, and just in the last three days I have put probably two hundred dollars in it myself. And every penny that any of us trouble makers have put in that thing is going toward the rebuild." He took the jar from Claire as she walked out to him, placing the giant pickle jar on the end of the stage. "There are donation tables all over the venue and if you'd like, you can even put some in this thing if there's room." He nodded to the other members of the band. "I'm better, so much better now I see the lights touch the light We're together now I'm better, so much better now Look to the skies Give me life We're together now We've only just begun Hypnotized by drums Until forever comes You'll find us chasing the sun," John pulled Claire to him, skilled fingers clipping the extra carabiner to her harness as their feet lifted from the stage. "They said this day wouldn't come We refused to run We've only just begun You'll find us chasing the sun oh, You'll find us chasing the sun oh, You'll find us chasing the sun When the daylight's fading We're gonna play in the dark Till it's golden again And now it feels so amazing Can't see you coming And we'll never grow old again You'll find us chasing the sun I'm never, I'm never down Lying here, staring up And you're looking down I'm never, I'm never down Live forever, forever With you around We've only just begun Hypnotized by drums Until forever comes You'll find us chasing the sun," He pulled his in-ear pack out as Clarissa's voice started screaming at him, smiling as Claire gripped at his shirt while they soared over the crowd. "They said this day wouldn't come We refused to run We've only just begun You'll find us chasing the sun The sun, the sun, the sun, the sun, the sun, the sun, the sun, You'll find us chasing the sun oh You'll find us chasing the sun oh, You'll find us chasing the sun When the daylight's fading We're gonna play in the dark Till it's golden again And now it feels so amazing Can't see you coming And we'll never grow old again You'll find us chasing the sun oh, You'll find us chasing the sun Oh, You'll find us chasing the sun When the daylight's fading We're gonna play in the dark Till it's golden again And now it feels so amazing Can't see you coming And we'll never grow old again You'll find us chasing the sun You'll find us chasing the sun… You'll find us chasing the sun…"

Claire gasped as their feet touched solid ground again, lifting her eyes to John's before she slammed her lips to his with enough force to make their teeth clack.

He pushed his fingers into her hair, flicking the mic switch at his belt so that the crowd wouldn't hear his moans as she slipped her tongue into his mouth and their kiss intensified. He held her closer as she pushed her tongue deeper into his throat.

She pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes with soft love. "Knock 'em dead, babe." She smiled, noticing how he was favoring his left shoulder. "And no more flying."


	321. Chapter 321

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-One**

John signed his initials onto what had to be the eightieth album. "Thanks for coming." He smiled, having to force himself to stay awake for the next twenty minutes of signing and then the backstage pass people.

"I _love_ your band." Squealed the teen, before she moved on in the line.

Dominic pushed himself out of his chair, stepping behind the curtain and picking up Sage as she fussed. "Hey, it's alright, Daddy's here." He brushed a kiss over his daughter's head, bouncing her in his arms and returning to the table to finish signing the merch they were giving out.

John smiled, letting Sage grip his finger in her hand. "Her there, Sage Brush." He looked up as a young woman stepped before him, her blue eyes holding an almost predatory look. "Who should I make this out to?" He asked, trying to ignore the glint in her eyes.

"To Priscilla McNeil." She grinned, leaning forward and undoing a button on her blouse. "Could you also sign my breast?"

John's eyes darkened, making Priscilla back off a little. "I don't sign skin." He stated, scratching his pit bull behind the ear. "I'd be happy to sign anything else, but I don't sign boobs."

"If you do, I'll triple my donation, and if you sleep with me, I'll add even more to that number." She reached her hand out, tracing her fingers over his jaw.

"Hell no." He snapped, swatting her hand away. "I don't know what you think I am, but I am _not_ a prostitute." He finished his signature, taking Sage from his cousin as he signed the creep's stuff.

* * *

Clarissa leaned on Thomas's shoulder as the teens all filed into bedrooms in the hotel, pulling Thomas into their own room as Claire and John closed their bedroom door. "They're fine, Tommy." She smiled, yawning as she took her t-shirt off and crawled into the bed. "John won't try anything."

* * *

Claire brushed her hair, listening to the shower run as John cleaned himself up before he got into bed with her. She hummed one of his songs, a smile on her lips as she remembered flying above the crowd with her Fiancé.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked, stepping into the main room and scrubbing the towel over his head to dry his hair.

"Just enjoying the moment." She smiled, lifting her chin to kiss him before he laid down on the bed beside her. "That was a great show."

He nodded, pressing his hand to the little birthmark on her back. "Yeah." He yawned, closing his eyes when she shut the light out. He wrapped her in his arms, tucking his nose into her hair to smell the vanilla and coconut of her shampoo and conditioner.


	322. Chapter 322

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twent** **y-Two**

Claire curled tighter against John's abdomen, her fingers traced over the scars on his back and her lips brushed over his collarbones. She smiled as a sleepy moan vibrated in his larynx, pleased that even when he was utterly exhausted, he was still aware of her touch.

She closed her eyes, focusing on the steady rhythm of his heart against her chest. She breathed his scent, his sweat mixing beautifully with the fresh linens of the bed, and the hint of metal on his skin. She could feel every scar on his body, and each one reminded her of how strong he really was.

She paused for a moment, suddenly realizing that he hadn't had a flashback for a while. Was he really getting better? Or was he just becoming more skilled at hiding them?

His arms tightened around her, the muscles in his shoulders and back flexing with the strength that was hidden under his thin build. His body still showed the signs of malnourishment as a child, even with the gained weight his bones still stuck out at odd angles in some spots and his legs would never be quite right either. His knees had bowed as a child from not getting enough calcium, and that was another reason he still walked a little odd at times. Ryan had also discovered a small muscular disorder in his hips that caused his left leg to be weaker than it should have been. But none of that really mattered. After all, this was her John.

* * *

Phoebe held John's hand as they walked through the pet store they'd found, pulling him over to the fish tanks and watching the little Tetras and Danios dart around the tanks. "They're cute." She whispered, touching the glass with gentle hands as to not scare the little fish.

John watched her for a moment, his features softening as he noticed her longing look. "You like fish, don't you?"

She nodded, moving on to the Betta containers that held mistreated and abused fish who were in far too small of housing. "I like the Betta's best." She glanced over them, frowning at the sickliest looking one in a tiny cup. He was suffering a slight case of fin-rot and he was obviously depressed as he just rested on the bottom. "But I don't like how they keep them in stores." She picked the little fish up, biting her lip as he gave her a forlorn look.

John nodded, his heart aching as he looked at the little pet. "Yeah…" He thought back to his days as a child, when Jacob would lock him in closets, or stuff him into a pet carrier for days on end. "It's not right…" He glanced over to where the five and ten-gallon aquarium kits were, an idea starting to form in his mind —though he couldn't carry it out until they were back in LA.

Phoebe put the fish back on the shelf, letting John lead her away and pay for the treats he'd gotten for Chance. "I used to read a lot of fish books when I was little… I learned a lot about bettas."

He nodded, remembering what Clarissa and Thomas had talked about with getting Phoebe's adoption into the Standish family finalized by her birthday. He'd known for a while that they were adopting her, but he could only think of one thing to make her birthday even better. Since he and Claire were getting married soon, and going to Europe for their honeymoon, Phoebe would need someone to keep her company, and she was obviously knowledgeable about fish. He gave a little smile, knowing that he'd found the perfect gift for her.


	323. Chapter 323

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-Three**

Claire bit her lip as John hefted a huge piece of concrete into a truck.

Sweat shimmered on his shoulders and brow, his dark skin was tinted red with sunburn, his body was covered in dirt and dust, and his hair was drenched with his sweat.

She smiled slightly at the muscles flexing in his arms and back.

"He's strong, isn't he?" Clarissa placed her hand on her daughter's back, her brow furrowing as a strange man approached John. "Who's that?"

John heaved a breath, screaming as someone slammed their hand down on the tailgate.

"Johnathan Bender?" The man asked, his eyes reflecting Jacob's like a mirror.

John nodded, suddenly feeling small as the man stood to his full height. "Yes…"

"Where's your old man?" He snapped, his lip curling with disgust. "I have something to say to him."

John's eyes flashed yellow, fear rising in his chest. "Who are you?"

The man moved the match in his teeth to the other side of his mouth, glaring at the younger kid. "My name, is Justin Gilbert. Jacob raped my mother."

* * *

John's mouth popped open, his head starting to spin as the realization hit him. "What?"

Justin shoved John backwards, making him stumble into a pile of rocks that sliced his back through the wife-beater tank top he was wearing. Red stained the white of his shirt, a loud cry of pain ripping from his throat as Thomas bolted to his side. "Momma!" He cried, letting Thomas gather his skinny body into his arms. "I want Momma…"

Thomas nodded, glaring at the young man before him. His hands moved over John's body, terror flooding his veins as they became slick with blood. "What the hell did he do to you?" He snapped, holding John close to his chest as his sobs became louder.

"His douchebag of a dad raped my Mom." Justin stated, forcing his guilt back when he saw how badly John was bleeding.

"I was a rape baby too…" John sniffled, reaching for Clarissa as Thomas pushed him over to her. "Jacob raped Beverly when she got pregnant with me."

Clarissa brushed his hair back, pressing her hands to the cut to stop the blood flow. "Shh… Johnny, let's get you fixed up."

Justin watched as Clarissa and Thomas lifted John to his feet and helped him limp to the tour bus. "I want to talk about this later." He ordered, taking a seat at the picnic table to wait.

* * *

Ryan pushed John into the cushions of the small sofa, blocking his screams out while he picked bits of fabric and stone out of the cuts. "John, relax." He jumped away as John flinched, cursing as fresh blood pooled on his skin. "Damnit." He met Vernon's eyes as he entered the bus. "Can you hold him down for me?"

Vernon nodded, pushing John's shoulders down and letting Thomas take his legs and hips. "How bad is it?"

Thomas shut his eyes as John's throat was torn with the scream that came from him. "I don't want to know." He choked his tears back when John tried to kick away from him.

"I HATE YOU!" John cried, his tears mixing with the sweat and the spit on his face.

Vernon wiped his thumb over John's chin, cleaning it of the spit and phlegm that his tears had caused his throat to empty itself of. "He doesn't mean that Tom." He stated, sighing in relief when Ryan had them sit John up and started wrapping his waist with bandaging. "He's just hurting."

Thomas nodded, letting Ryan and Vernon take John to the bunks and lay him in bed while he left to speak with Justin. "I know."


	324. Chapter 324

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-Four**

Allison looked up from her bunk as John was helped into his bunk by Vernon and her father, able to see that his waist was wrapped in bandaging and he had hot tears on his cheeks.

Vernon laid John on the mattress, pulling the blankets up and adjusting his pillow. "Try to sleep." He patted John's side, gently letting his fingers trace over the bandaging.

Allison stood from her bed, kneeling beside John's own and wiping his tears away with her sweater. "Hey." She whispered.

He furrowed his brow, slapping her hand away. "I fucking hate them." He growled, the feeling of Thomas, Vernon, and Ryan holding him down to inflict even more pain still burning on his skin. "All they do is hurt me."

Allison sighed, placing John's notebook beside him with a pen before she left him to vent his emotions without anyone to see. "Let us know if you need anything."

* * *

John opened his notebook, picking up his pen and scribbling down a new idea he had. His pen moved over the paper in clean lines, each word written with care and love.

Unity

Lives wiped out by nature's breath  
yet embers of hope stills smoulder  
in the hearts and souls of the people  
of The Sunshine State.

If we reach out from the  
north, south, east and the  
west we'll feel our hearts  
and minds stretch

Hopes and dreams put on hold.  
Strangers come from far and wide  
with aid and cash to mend broken  
lives and heal shattered souls.

From all corners of America,  
people unite to lift heavy spirits.  
Humanity shines through in the  
worst of times.

America, please show your heart and  
unlock your mercy. Unite in this mission  
to heal this rift. Oh, please America.  
Open your heart and extend your hand.

 **Thank you HMG2000! I love this poem!**


	325. Chapter 325

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-Five**

Clarissa tip toed into the bunkroom of the bus, a small smile gracing her lips when she saw that John was sleeping. She shook her head as his fingers twitched, able to see that he was in the middle of a dream. "Good night, Pumpkin." She brushed his hair back from his temple, gently kissing his head before she left him.

She took a seat at the table outside of the bus, listening as her husband spoke with the young man whose name was apparently Justin Gilbert. "He's asleep." She sighed, lifting a glass of water to her lips.

Mary smiled slightly, placing her hands over Clarissa's. "He didn't mean it. You know how teenagers are, they say things they don't mean." She looked up as Claire went inside. "John isn't any different."

Jan nodded taking Sage from Jade as the young mother situated himself to breastfeed the quads. "He may not look it, but he's still a teenage boy." She bounced Sage in her arms. "Besides, Dominic does the same thing I'll bet."

Jade nodded, tucking Flynn under the wrap and holding his head to her left breast. "Believe me, he's just as bad. If not worse."

* * *

Justin glared at the men around him, pure hatred boiling in his blood. "That douchebag raped my Mother! I want justice."

Thomas nodded, his heart still aching with what John had shouted at him. "Jacob's in prison for the next twenty years. Believe me, he's getting what he deserves." He remembered the cross carved into John's back, the bullet graze on his side, the scars from his father's whip on the boy's back, the scars around his neck, the detoxes, every horrible thing John had gone through… "What Jacob did, isn't what John should be blamed for." He thought back to what John had told him about being forced to watch his own mother be raped on a regular basis. "As John said… he was a rape baby too."

Justin growled and crossed his arms over his chest to keep from punching the lawyer's lights out. "What's with the scars?" He asked, gritting his teeth.

Ryan sighed. "John should be the one to tell you that." He turned to Dominic, able to see the trademark Bender Stare being aimed at and returned by Justin. "We don't want to say more than he would want." He gave Dominic a flick on the ear, hitting the piercing in his cartilage and causing it to sting. "Feel free to stay the night, but I think it would be a good idea to give these boys some space."

Dominic rubbed the piercing with his fingertips, curling his lip in a snarl as Ryan lifted his hand as if to flick the piercing again. "Fuck off."

"Go help your wife with that Flower Garden Gang of yours." He shoved Dominic toward the bus, watching him walk over to the women and pick up one of his daughters. "Dominic's the main one to worry about right now. He's always been more willing to fight than John, and he's been John's protector since they were babies." He looked back to Justin. "If I were you, I'd be happy that I wasn't raised by Jacob and his brother."


	326. Chapter 326

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-Six**

Clarissa bit her lip as Ryan changed the bandage on John's waist, looking away when he picked up a pair of tweezers and motioned for Thomas to hold John still while he picked a few glass shards out of the wound.

"Fuck…" John hissed, dropping his head against Thomas's shoulders and biting the skin on his wrist.

Carl pulled John's arm down, offering a wadded-up piece of t-shirt to him. "Here, bite this." He smiled when John bit down on the fabric, patting the back of his head as he gave a muffled scream through the shirt. He picked up a rag from Ryan's medical kit, wiping the blood away from the cut as the doctor picked out the few bits of glass and rocks that he'd missed yesterday. "Can't you give him something?" He asked, the sight of seeing John in pain causing his heart to ache.

Ryan shook his head, hands steady as he removed another bit of foreign debris from John's skin. "What I have with us wouldn't be enough." He blotted the blood away from the teen's skin, dabbing a little bit of disinfecting cream over it before he wrapped him back up.

Thomas started to moved John away from his body, pausing when John's hands gripped at his shirt. "Do you want me to stay?" He asked, smiling slightly when John nodded. "Okay."

* * *

Justin watched as John limped out of the tour bus, cocking a brow when he caught the flash of yellow in his eyes. "So why were you in foster care?" He asked as soon as John took a seat, hardly giving him the chance to get comfortable.

John lifted his tired eyes to Justin's, heaving a sigh with the memory. "Jacob was —is— a psychopath. He abused me for seventeen years of my life, and nearly killed me at least twenty times." He took a drink of water, rubbing a hand through his hair. "I swore I would die before now… but… I'm here because I ended up in the foster system about a year ago, after Jacob broke my ribs, nose, and choked me with a bike chain until I lost consciousness. Claire, Andy, and Brian found me in the park and hauled me to the hospital."

Justin's gaze softened slightly, looking John's body over where pale scars laced over his chest, shoulders, biceps, and forearms. "So, he wasn't just a rapist?"

John shook his head, swallowing as his stomach twisted. "No. He was a wife-beater, child abuser, thief, rapist, gangster, gangbanger, and everything in-between." John pushed himself away from the table, stumbling to the back of the bus with a hand pressed over his mouth.

Justin listened as John retched, suddenly realizing what he'd come from, what he could have been, and what his biological father had been. His heart ached with what Jacob had put John through, what had happened to his little brother. "Damn…" He whispered, dropping his gaze as Claire and the boy he'd learned was named Brian rushed to John's aid.

Asher sighed, taking a seat across from the young man. "My brother was never quite right in the head. But I can assure you, John is not his father —your father." He closed his eyes as the sound of John gagging reached his ears. "I've been where you are Justin… saying that you want justice —believing that's what you're trying to accomplish— but what you really want, is revenge." He thought back to when he was in his twenties, the hatred that burned inside of him. "It's time that you learn the difference." He pushed a knife toward the young man, letting him take hold of the hilt. "If you want justice, you'll let Jacob live his miserable life and become his own villain… if you want revenge, you'll take this knife, and turn that blade against John, Dominic, Jade, the quads, my wife and daughter, and everyone in this family." He let Justin take the knife. "But that's your choice to make."

Justin turned the blade over in his hand as if considering what Asher had said. "Tell me about him." He stated, setting the knife to the side. "I want to know more."


	327. Chapter 327

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-Seven**

Claire held her arm out as John choked on his own vomit, stopping Brian in his tracks. She could see the red tint in the discarded food, knowing that it was blood. "I'll take care of him." She stated, kneeling beside her man and brushing her fingers over his shoulder. "Bite your lip?"

He shrugged her off, spitting the last of the puke onto the ground. "Go away." He gasped. "I don't want you to see me like this…"

She glared at him, pissed that he didn't trust her enough to let her see him in his weakest form when he wasn't incapacitated from detoxes. "No." Her dark eyes met his, reflecting his stubbornness like a mirror. "If we're going to get married, then you need to learn to let people see you at your worst."

His eyes darkened. "You have seen me at my worst." He snapped.

"No. I saw you going through detox. Not when you could tell me to go away or when you were in your right mind." She squeezed his hands. "If you'd been thinking right, you would never have let anyone get that close." She curled her lip. "If you want to marry me, you need to learn to let me through that damn wall-" She was cut off as John's hand brushed against her cheek, his thumb gentle against her full lips, his fingers tangled in her hair, his eyes softer than the finest velvet.

"I don't mean when I was detoxing." He whispered, lips brushing her forehead in the barest breath of a kiss. "I mean detention."

She blinked, shocked at his words. "What?"

"When we were in detention… I had my switchblade on me because I figured no one would be in there with me."

Claire's eyes widened with realization. "You were-"

"Going to commit suicide." He nodded, dropping his gaze to his lap.

She covered her mouth, fear filling her heart with the thought of how close she'd been to losing him. If she had never gone shopping and gotten caught that day, John would be dead in the bathroom, or in the halls, maybe even on that sofa that they'd all gathered on to smoke weed and laugh.

"Claire, I would be dead now if it weren't for you." He wiped a tear from her cheek, taking a deep breath as he began to bare his soul to her.

* * *

Dominic glared at Justin as he and Asher talked, covering everything about the family from Jacob to foster care, to he and Jade getting pregnant, and even the detoxes that John had gone through. "Fucking prick." He growled, shrugging Jade's hand off as she touched him. "Get off."

Jade huffed, smacking the back of his head like Thomas often did when the Bender Boys were being assholes and needed some sense knocked into their thick skulls. "Grow up." She hissed, pulling on his hair. "You'd think that you were on your period instead of me."

He rubbed the back of his head. "Please, fifty percent of you hens are probably on Satan's river right now." He yelped as she hit him harder. "Ow!"

"Stop it, or I'm putting you on diaper duty until the Flower Garden Gang is potty trained." She stuck her tongue out at him, taking a seat on his lap as he pulled her to him.

He rolled his eyes, kissing her throat. "Do that, and I'll teach Flynn to piss in your shoes." He smirked.

She wiggled around on his lap, grinning as she felt her menstrual pad shift so that in a few minutes, she would leak onto his jeans. "Then I'll teach the girls to steel your pants."

"And I'll start replacing all of your panties with thongs."

"Then I'll use all the hot water before your shower every morning."

He chuckled, patting her hip. "Fine, you win."

She kissed his nose, shrieking as he picked her up and started for the bunks. "Dom! What are you doing?"

He laid her on their bunk, pulling his shirt off and pressing his calloused hands to her stomach. "You flipped my switch." He gasped, moving his hard against her through his jeans.

She shook her head, trying to ignore how he was turning her on as well. "But I'm on my period."

He kissed her collarbones, moaning in pleasure as his hands moved over her body. "If I can walk through mud, I can fuck through blood." He gave an animal like groan as she undid his button, pulling the curtain closed so that they had a little more privacy.


	328. Chapter 328

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-Eight**

Claire traced her fingertips over John's knuckles, feeling the raised scars on his skin from years of fighting. "So, if I hadn't gotten detention…"

He nodded, thinking back to his plan of how he would have done it. "I'm glad I didn't though." He gently kissed her head, walking with her down a small path they'd found.

She wrapped her arm around his waist, jumping back when she remembered about the cuts on his back. "Sorry."

He shook his head, pulling her back to him. "It didn't hurt." He whispered, tucking her hair behind one perfect ear. "Not like it used to."

She bit her lip, fighting back tears with the memory of the night she had almost lost him. "I never want to lose you." She cried, burying herself into his chest. "Not again."

His brow furrowed, a question racing though his head. "Again?" He asked, pulling her away from him.

"I mean-"

"No. Tell me what happened." He searched her face for a sign, fear causing his heart to race. "Claire?"

She swallowed, hiding behind her bangs as his hands gripped at her arms. "You, you were… dead for two minutes when you hit the peak of the meth detox."

John's breath caught in his throat, his world narrowing until he could barely see Claire. "Dead…?" His legs gave out from under him, his body going limp as he hit the ground with a thud.

* * *

Phoebe rushed to her brother and his fiancée, able to see that John's mind wasn't quite straight. "What's wrong?" She asked, taking his hand and shooting a Bender Glare at Justin as he tried to get closer. "Back off, fucker!" She barked, making the giant man step backwards.

Clarissa took John into her arms, making him sit in one of the little chairs outside of the bus. "What happened?" She asked, pushing his hair back. "A flashback? Seizure?"

Claire shook her head, shifting from foot to foot. "He asked about what happened when he hit the peak of the meth detox…"

Thomas's head snapped up, realization dawning on him. "You told him?"

She nodded, jumping as Phoebe touched her hand. "I can't keep secrets from him."

* * *

Justin watched for a long while as the family tried to pull John out of his funk. "Can I help?" He asked, jumping back as the little girl shoved him back.

"Back off!" She snapped, rushing to her brother's side as he finally snapped out of it. "John!"

He looked up at Claire, heaving a breath before he launched himself into her arms. "I'm so sorry, Sweets…" He cried, burying his nose into her hair. "I never would have left you."

She nodded, kissing his throat before she started to lead him inside; that is, until she caught a hint of the scent of sex and pushed him back outside. "I know."

* * *

Dominic rolled off of Jade, his body slick with sweat and his chest short of breath. "That, was… amazing." He gasped, swallowing as Jade snuggled into his side.

She sighed in contentment, tracing her hand over his hips, and stomach. "Yeah…" She purred, smirking slightly when she felt how limp he'd become, and that he was completely useless at the moment. "It was."

"Good God woman… I think it'll take a month before I can recover from that." He smiled at the small look of pride on her face. "You drained me."

"Not bad after just being pregnant with four babies, huh?"

"I need a Gatorade STAT." He smiled, curling around her as they both began to fall asleep.


	329. Chapter 329

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Twenty-Nine**

Jerry took a seat beside John at the table, setting a small trinket in front of him. "Do you remember this?" He asked, hoping that would help pull John out of the shock from finding out he'd been dead for two minutes.

John turned the torn fabric over in his hands, his brow furrowing when he saw that there was a little button nose on it. "No…" He looked up at Jerry, his question clear. "What is it?"

"When I pulled you out of that crawlspace, you were holding onto this like a lifeline." He set a picture next to it. "It used to be a toy rabbit, but after a while it got worn out." He smiled. "You gave that to me right before the EMTs took you, and I've carried it on every job I've had since then."

John felt over the worn-out fur, trying to remember something of that night. "Why?"

Jerry chuckled, taking a drink of water before he had to get back to work. "Because you were my first rescue." He patted John's shoulder, the image of the little two-year-old flashing behind his eyes. "It meant good luck."

* * *

Justin's eyes followed John as he limped around the site, noticing that it wasn't just the wounds on his back that were causing it. "Why does he limp like that?" He asked, turning to Sara as she bounced Amber in her arms.

Sara smiled at her adoptive daughter, looking up at her long-lost nephew with soft eyes. "Jacob broke his leg when he was ten. He set it himself but it never healed right. We even tried to surgically correct it, but it'll never be normal again." She kissed Amber's head. "Not to mention that, after seven years of walking with a limp his muscles adapted to walk like that."

Justin nodded, letting Amber take his finger in her chubby hand. "Jacob sounds like a real messed up guy…"

"Amber is actually Jacob's baby too… John's mother got pregnant with her when Jacob escaped prison and he raped her. She asked Asher and I to adopt her so she's ours now." She took a bottled from Amelia as she handed it to her. "Thank you, Squirt." She smiled.

Amelia pressed a light kiss to Amber's head and bolted into the rest of the site to help with the clean-up. She picked up a hammer and a nail, bouncing up to Dominic's side as he and Andy steadied a piece of sheet rock. "I wanna help!" She announced, jumping as a screw fell beside her. "John!" She laughed, watching him as he drilled into the cross beam above her.

He smirked, adjusting his safety glasses before he moved on to the next part. "Look out below."


	330. Chapter 330

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty**

Asher heaved a sigh as he watched John climb higher on the frame of the house, rubbing a hand over his beard with worry. "John!" He shouted, catching his nephew's attention. "Stop being a lizard!"

John laughed, sticking his tongue out before he scurried even higher.

Asher shook his head. "I swear. He is worse than Jake was at that age."

Clarissa smiled at his worry, gasping when John's foot slipped slightly. "He has a harness." She screamed as John stood up on a beam, watching him tip backwards into a backflip before the rope pulled taught and stopped him from hitting the ground. "Johnathan Kurtis Bender!" She marched toward him, only pausing for a second when he started climbing up the rope to where he was safe from her. "Get your ass down here!"

He shook his head, clutching to the rope with white knuckles. "No way! You're gonna ground me!" He pulled himself higher, completely missing the shocked expressions on everyone's faces as he let his true strength show.

Justin gaped at his brother, amazed that his skinny little body could move so quickly. "Holy Hell…" He smiled, watching John effortlessly pull himself back onto the beam.

Claire bumped his side, pride showing clearly in her eyes. "He's tougher than he looks."

"Where did he learn that?"

Claire's smile fell, remembering all of the skills that John had. "He didn't have a choice… he had to learn a lot just to survive." She remembered the times John had showed her how to turn something old and broken into almost anything. The time John had sewn Chad up on their sofa. When he'd delivered Johanna. Every little thing he'd done, and learned as he was doing it.

* * *

Jerry smirked as he watched the band play, letting the roar of the crowd fill his ears. He could see why John and the guys liked being on stage so much. They were daredevils, each one of them, and this was a thrill that was irreplaceable. His own heart was racing, and he was amazed at how steady their hands were on their instruments. "Damn!" He laughed as John's voice rose to a high note that seemed to last forever. "Where'd he get that?"

Asher's smile fell, his mind rushing back to when Jacob and Rueben had their little garage band. "He got it from his father…"

* * *

John gasped for breath before he started the next song. "We can be legends after all Hey woah We can be legends after all Hey woah Do you remember being young The world in our hands, your heart in a song Do you remember being young Nothing's ever what it seems Forget who you are, forget how to dream I think it's time that we believe We can be wild, we can be free We can be anything in life we want to be We can move mountains, we can break walls We can stand tall enough to fight and never fall We can be legends after all Hey woah We can be legends after all Hey woah We can be legends after all Do you remember growing up Standing all alone, your back to the sun Do you remember growing up Tell me how it's gonna be If we win or lose wear your heart on your sleeve I think it's time that we believe We can be wild, we can be free We can be anything in life we want to be We can move mountains, we can break walls We can stand tall enough to fight and never fall We can be legends after all Hey woah we can be legends after all Hey woah We can be legends after all We can be legends, we can be legends We can be legends after all We can be legends, we can be legends Stand up and shout it out if you want it Reach out and touch the sky 'cause you got it We'll be here forever Stand up and shout it out if you want it Reach out and touch the sky 'cause you got it We'll be here forever We can be wild, we can be free We can be anything in life we wanna be We can move mountains, we can break walls We can stand tall enough to fight and never fall We can be legends after all Hey woah We can be legends after all Hey woah We can be legends after all Stand up and shout it out if you want it Remember Reach out and touch the sky 'cause you got it We'll be here forever."

He cast a glance backstage, smiling just before the scent hit him. Used frying oil, liver and onions, cleaning supplies… the scent of Ben.


	331. Chapter 331

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-One**

John turned his in-ear pack off, letting the earpiece hang over his shoulder as he stepped toward the backstage bathroom. He needed to be alone for a while, and even though there were plenty of people around, they were all busy with other projects though. He knelt in front of the nearest toilet, his stomach twisting in the all too familiar pre-vomit sick. He swallowed, attempting to force the puke back before something grabbed the back of his shirt. He screamed; his sick spell already having been forgotten.

A harsh hand clamped over his mouth, cutting off the scream. "You're mine now." Ben's voice hissed, his hand snaking around John's waist before his fingers slipped into the band of his jeans. "Sweet cheeks."

John bit his palm, blowing a shrill, high pitched whistle before electricity surged through his body, forcing his muscles to seize and his heart to pump in an odd rhythm. His vision blurred in and out, darkening at the edges until he was left in the dark.

Ben grinned as John's body went limp, gently brushing his hair back from the nape of his neck before he pressed his lips against the boy's skin. "That's my little toy…" He sneered, lifting John from the floor before they slipped out the back.

* * *

John groaned as he began to come too. His body ached, and the room felt too hot. He could feel sweat soaking into his t-shirt, causing the fabric to stick to his skin. He gasped for breath as he realized that his hands were bound behind his back, his legs tied to the legs of a chair with his knees tethered so that he couldn't protect himself from being touched.

"Well, finally started to wake up?"

John's head snapped up, fear flooding into his blood when he saw that Ben was holding a riding crop and a tube of lubricant. "No…" He breathed, praying that his eyes wouldn't show his terror.

"Stop that!" Ben ordered, smacking the riding crop against John's jeans where his manhood was hidden beneath the zipper. "It's not natural how your eyes do that shit."

"I can't help it, Dick-wad!" He snapped, yelping when Ben's hand flew between his legs and gripped his testicles with an iron fist. "No!" He struggled against his ropes, trying to fight Ben off with no success. He forced his tears back as he felt Ben drag the leather of the crop against his throat, his breath hitching as he fingered the zipper. "Please…" He begged, remembering how Buzzard had found weakness and submission pleasing.

"Please what?" Ben whispered, his lips brushing against John's ear. "Do you want me to do this to your girl? Maybe I'll let you watch."

John turned his head, snapping his jaw mere inches from Ben's face. "Fuck you!" John snapped, his eyes going black.

Ben sneered, pulling a leather muzzle from behind John's chair and clamping it over his mouth and nose. "How about I fuck you?" He touched the back of John's neck, gently rubbing a warm cream on his skin. "Or should I have a little fun first?"

John's body stiffened, recognizing the feeling of Icy-Hot from the times Clarissa had used it on his sore muscles. _No!_ He thought, panic rising in his chest.


	332. Chapter 332

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Two**

Phoebe rushed after the car that John had been loaded into, tears streaming down her cheeks as she screamed for him. "Wolf!" She sobbed, stumbling as her body began to give out. "Wolf! Come back!"

Justin slowed to a stop beside her, gathering the child into his arms. "Shh… he'll be alright." He caught one last glimpse of the license plate on the car, the number going into his mind in bare seconds. "He'll be alright."

Phoebe beat her fists into his chest, leaving tiny bruises on his pecs. "It was Ben!"

Justin pulled her away from him, looking into her dark eyes. "Who's Ben?"

Dominic stepped forward, a curse escaping under his breath. "Ben's the psycho who helped Jacob escape. He's hell bent on fucking John until he breaks his spirit."

Justin's brow furrowed, confused as to what his cousin could mean. "What?"

"Ben wants John to have sex with him. He tried it in Mexico, and in LA… now here." He let his fingers trace over the hilt of his knife, aching to draw steel on something. "He can't go through this… not again."

* * *

John groaned as Ben tightened the muzzle on his face, able to feel the leather as it bit into the bridge of his nose. He couldn't say a word, not with the leather over his face, but he sure as hell could fight. He worked at the ropes around his wrists, closing his eyes as they burned and cut his skin.

Ben hit John's chin with the crop, forcing him to lift his head and look at him. "Are you going to fight again? Or can I let you go?" He slowly moved his hands down John's arms, his lips brushing softly against his ear, down his neck, and onto the tender flesh of his collarbones. "If you try to run, or fight, I'll make sure that you feel more than just pleasure and pain."

John nodded, blowing a long breath through his nose as the ropes were cut and he was allowed to move again.

Ben smiled, able to see the relief in John's eyes and even a fracture starting in his spirit. That same spirit that had gotten Jacob thrown in prison, gotten him in so much trouble that he was now on the run 24/7. "Start stripping." He ordered. "And make it sexy."

John swallowed, pulling his sweat-soaked, blood-stained, t-shirt over his head. He dropped his gaze as Ben's eyes raked over his body, the lust in his eyes almost worse than being touched. He felt something in himself break, a single tear falling from his eye before something boomed outside.

Ben cursed, dropping his crop as he turned. "Keep it going. Maybe you'll have that sweet ass ready by the time I get back."

John nodded, his hands flying to the clasps on his muzzle as the door shut. He fumbled with the leather and metal, growling in frustration as he realized the straps were locked. He looked around wildly for something he could use as a weapon, his eyes landing on a length of pipe that he was sure Ben would have used to bash his skull in. He pounced for the pipe, wrapping his hands around it before Ben had a chance to find him.

"What the hell are you-" Ben snapped, his sentence cut short when the pipe collided with his head and knocked him out.

John bolted from the room, his hands clawing at the muzzle before he stumbled to the pavement. He wiped the tears from his eyes, blood smearing over his face from his skinned-up hands. He stumbled to his feet, shivering against the cold of the night.

His head lifted as he saw a cop car a few yards away, hope filling his chest. He bolted toward the car, falling to his knees only a few feet from the people who could help him.

The cops rushed to his side, lifting his head to see that his face was covered with a leather mask that doubled as a muzzle. "Fucking hell…" The woman cursed, lifting a knife from her belt before she cut the straps. "What happened, Sweetheart?" She asked, hardly able to recognize the famous singer who'd come to help rebuild after the hurricane. "Baby, can you tell me what happened?"

John choked on his words, too lost in shock to really register what was happening. "Momma…" He managed, his tears stinging as they ran into the cut across his nose where the mask had bitten him. "I want my Momma…"


	333. Chapter 333

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Three**

The woman cop wrapped John in an anti-shock blanket, kneeling on the concrete beside him and allowing him to lean against her. "Do you want some water?" She asked, turning his hands over and picking a few pieces of pebble out of his palms.

John stared numbly at the pavement in front of his knees, still able to feel the muzzle on his face, Ben's hands teasing him between the legs, the feeling of the Icy-Hot still burning on the back of his neck. "Sweets…" He croaked, closing his eyes as the cop touched the cut across his nose. "Sweets."

She looked up as her partner stepped toward them, holding the teen close as he tensed. "Well?"

"Turns out, that he was kidnapped from the show today." He paused as John pressed against Lara's chest. "I spoke to Clarissa Standish, she said that he's probably suffering from a PTSD flashback. That's what she guessed from the behavior I described to her."

Lara nodded, wrapping John's wrists in soft cotton before she lifted him to his feet and helped him into the squad car. "Are we taking him to the venue? Or are we going to the station?"

Nick slid into the driver's seat, starting the car up as Lara settled into the back seat with the boy. "We're taking him to the station. Clarissa said she would pick him up there." He glanced in the back mirror, swallowing at the rough shape the kid was in.

* * *

Clarissa marched into the police station, pausing at the counter. "I'm here to see my son, Johnathan Bender." She bit her lip as the woman nodded, and disappeared to find him.

"You can follow me. He's being kept in Captain Simkins office." She turned to Clarissa, hesitating at the door. "He's really deep in shock. We haven't been able to get a complete sentence out of him in the better part of an hour, and he just keeps repeating one word… Sweets… over and over." She shook her head, confusion clear on her face. "We can't figure out what it means."

Clarissa swallowed, ringing her hands as John's frantic muttering reached her ears. "That's his nickname for my daughter."

The woman nodded, opening the office door to let Clarissa see him. "Let us know if you need anything."

Clarissa smiled, stepping inside to see John shivering in the corner with a police jacket covering his shoulders and a thin bandage stuck to his nose. "Johnny?" She knelt next to him, looking into his eyes only to see that they were completely zoned out and glassy with fear. The yellow terror in them wasn't even a tint anymore, instead, they were pure gold. "Johnny, you're safe now. You're at the police station with me, Clarissa. We're gonna take you back to the hotel and get you home tomorrow." She tucked her legs underneath herself, noticing the bandages on his hands and the scent of Icy-Hot on his skin. "Can I touch you?" She asked, fully aware that John was unpredictable right now. There were a number of reactions that he could choose if she touched him. Violence, screams of fear, or even completely shutting down to the point where he could stop breathing and pass out; it was a horrible guessing game. "Johnny, I'm going to touch your shoulder. Okay?" She sighed as he relaxed into her touch, wrapping her arms around his torso as he heaved a shaky breath into her jacket. "There you go… let it out, Baby. You're safe."


	334. Chapter 334

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Four**

Thomas watched as John and Clarissa limped out of the back rooms in the station, stopping them as a camera flash went off. "The media got wind of it. You can't take him out yet." He let his gaze wander to John's still shocked face, his heart aching when he saw that a part of his stubborn spirit was missing. "The boys are handling it."

Clarissa nodded, pulling John close as Thomas combed his hair out of his eyes. "He's still not all here… the flashback just ended a few minutes ago." She brushed her fingers under his eyes, barely touching the bandage over his nose.

He lifted John's chin, taking in the water clinging to his dark lashes, the yellow in his irises, the shaking in his muscles, the pale tone of his skin, and the way he seemed to cling to Clarissa like a life line. "You're okay." He smiled, touching the back of John's neck and pulling his head down so that their foreheads were pressed together like a pair of lions. "You're alright."

John moved away from Clarissa, tripping over his own feet and falling into Thomas's chest. "Dad…" He gasped, clutching as his blazer as his arms wrapped around his shoulders. "I'm sorry…"

Thomas's brow furrowed, moving to sit in a chair with John and Clarissa beside him. "What are you sorry for?" He asked, doing his best to hide the wince of pain when John squeezed his hand with white knuckles.

"I want to use… get high… I, I want meth…"

Clarissa's eyes widened, her heart skipping a beat with those words. She looked up at Thomas, her own fear reflected in him.

* * *

Justin forced a path through the media people, barking at them like a wild dog and scaring them off. "Get out of here!" He pushed a reporter back, smiling as the S.W.A.T. team showed up and helped him keep the reporters at bay.

Clarissa rushed John through the chaos, loading him into the bus and back into the bunk room where Claire was waiting for him. "He's still in shock." She whispered, letting Claire take his weight from her. "And we're flying him home tomorrow."

Claire nodded, letting John crawl into their bunk and curl up on his side. She pulled his blanket up around his waist, slowly leaning over him and pulling the curtain to the window back as they rolled through the city. "I've got him." She breathed, laying down beside him and combing his hair back behind his ear.

* * *

Thomas paced around the hotel room, pulling at his short hair, with the thought of John's words. "How are we supposed to stop this?" He asked, taking another turn around the room.

Asher watched him pace, knowing damn well what the answer was. "You can't." He stated, standing as Amber fussed in her travel crib. "You can't stop it. It's his body, his choice. All we can do is give him support when he needs it."

Vernon nodded, jumping when a scream reached his ears from the adjoining room. "He's strong enough. He can get through it." He stepped into the room, his heart breaking when he saw that the cut on John's nose had split open, and blood was covering his face. He could see that John had been scratching at his arms and chest, the red marks on his skin occasionally showing raw or bloody spots. "John, Johnny, wake up, it's just a bad dream." He sat down on the bed, gently nudging John's side and waking him. "You're alright." He smiled, holding the boy close when he launched into his chest. "You're safe."

John shook his head, letting Vernon pull him back slightly and leave to wet a washrag under the faucet. "They're getting worse…" He whispered, his skin seeming to crawl with the cravings.

Vernon nodded, gently dabbing the cloth over the bloody spots on John's skin. "How can you tell which drug you're craving?" He asked, hoping that if he could talk about the craving it might help.

John closed his eyes, focusing on his breath, the scent of Vernon's cologne mixing with the clean room and the metallic tang of his blood, he could hear the air conditioner running beside the window, feel the moist cloth against his skin. "The highs are different." He sighed. "With pot it feels like you're senses are being dulled, like they just don't exist anymore. Oxy takes the pain away, but it zaps your energy makes you feel either half-dead or like a zombie because you can't sleep. Meth… that one… it's incredible. I can't even describe it. I guess… the best thing I can compare it to… is like, like the best sex you can ever have but even better."

Vernon pulled an old t-shirt over John's head, and placed a pair of socks on his hands. "And that's how you know?"

John nodded, remembering the different alcohols he'd used to numb different feelings. "Beer is better for forgetting. Whiskey makes you a sloppy fighter but makes you feel like you've got the biggest balls on the planet. Then there's Ouzo, it's a Greek booze. Burns like hell going down, but… it's heaven when you get blackout drunk on it. Because you never know what stupid shit you did but you're so hungover you don't care."

"Why don't you try to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow." Vernon pushed John into the pillows, pulling the blanket up to his throat. "We're flying most of you home."

John's brow furrowed, confusion plain on his face. "Who'll finish the work?"

Clarissa stepped into the room, sitting on the bed and pushing John's hair out of his eyes and kissing his head. "There are plenty of people to help finish up, but you need to rest and recover. I'm not letting you start with those seizures again." She touched his jaw, noticing that there was a bruise under his chin. "Just try to relax."

He yawned, rolling onto his side as sleep claimed him.


	335. Chapter 335

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Five**

Clarissa bit her lip as John's eyes turned yellow at the sight of the plane pulling into the terminal. "Are you okay?" She asked, noticing that his breath had changed.

He shook his head, looking around for something to distract himself. "No…"

She stood, letting John turn to her daughter for comfort while she found Ryan.

He was standing in a line outside of the men's room, tapping his foot while he waited. "What's wrong?" He asked, noticing that Clarissa was chewing on the inside of her cheek.

"John needs something to help him relax." She hated to use drugs on him. It always made her feel like a villain in some messed up fairytale. Like Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty, forcing a child into a drugged sleep just so they didn't cause trouble. She knew that it was helping him, but at the same time… she felt like she was hurting him more. The drugs had to be hard on his body, not to mention the fact that he'd stopped eating the night before and had hardly slept a wink with the nightmares.

Ryan nodded, stepping after her as she returned to John. "How bad?" He asked, afraid that John may have already pushed himself so deep into panic that he would have to knock him out entirely.

"Not too bad, but he does need to be sedated a little."

Ryan knelt before John, sighing when he saw that he'd almost completely shut himself down. "John, I'm gonna give you a muscle relaxer. It'll make you really tired but it won't knock you out all the way." He carefully filled a syringe with a small amount of the drug and injected it into John's wrist. He thanked got that the kid's veins were easy to find, but even so, injecting anything into him. Especially anything with addictive qualities.

John's body relaxed as the needle pierced his flesh, relishing in the calm that overtook him as the drug was injected. It wasn't as good as a high, but it was something. It was something to make him believe it was a high, something to distract him, something to calm him, something unnatural to the human mind and body.

Claire watched as he exhaled through his nose, remembering the few times she'd seen him get a buzz off of weed. It scared her to see that, scared her to think of a relapse. After all, this was her John. Her fiancé. The father of her future children. If she lost him, her entire future would be lost as well.


	336. Chapter 336

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Six**

Andy settled into a seat beside Claire and John, keeping a close eye on John as he stared blankly out the window. "He's okay, right?" He asked, noticing the way John's fingers twitched like they had when he'd been detoxing from the Meth.

She nodded; her dark eyes fixed on the cut across his nose. "I think so…"

"He looks like he's detoxing again." He took in the dark circles around John's eyes, the pale coloring of his skin, the way his health seemed to be failing even though it hadn't even been twenty-four hours since Ben had grabbed him.

She brushed John's hair back, revealing the soft skin of his neck and the little hollow behind his jaw and beneath his ear. "I know…" She pressed her lips to that spot, knowing that was his spot. The spot where pleasure was easy to give to him. The spot that made his blood boil with joy, where she kissed him when they were alone. It was the spot that, when it was kissed, could clear any fog in his mind, and even snap him out of a flashback. "It's just what Ryan gave him though."

Allison paused in her sketches, going over the list of features John had described to her of what the prostitute Reya had looked like. She wasn't sure how they would find her, after all, there were thousands of whores in the world, and Reya was only one of those thousands.

Kaylie yawned, taking her headphones off as she looked over to the sketches. "Is that the girl John's looking for?"

Allison nodded, carefully refining the sketch to show Reya's warm eyes, her full lips, the gentle slope of her nose. "She's so young…" She whispered, folding the paper up and placing it in her bag before she pulled out her other book that held her comic strips. "I can't believe Jacob would do that to them."

Brian watched as her pen glided over the paper, and the image of John, Claire, and the rest of the Breakfast Club appeared to be rebuilding a town. "John was right when he said his old man was sick." He met Kaylie's eyes. "I'm glad we got him out of there."

Allison bit her tongue, forcing herself to keep John's secret inside. She couldn't tell Brian that he wasn't the only who'd been contemplating suicide… not only because he was still fragile in his recovery, but because he looked up to John like a big brother; if he found out… she didn't want to think about it.

* * *

Dominic peered into John's bedroom, swallowing when he saw how exhausted he was.

His cousin was curled on his side, his eyes shut though he wasn't really sleeping.

Dominic could tell that John was feeling sick, his labored breath was a sure sign of his ill stomach. He stepped inside, lifting a wet washrag from the small basin they kept on the dresser. "John, sit up for a second." He pulled John to sit up, pressing the rag to the back of his neck and letting him lean against his chest. "Why don't you sleep?"

John shook his head, swallowing when Dominic dabbed some ointment over the cut on his nose. "Nightmares." He whispered hoarsely, his throat dry from the plane ride.

Dominic sighed, pulling John's hair back and weaving what he could into a tight braid to keep it away from his face. "Well, if you're not gonna sleep, how about you eat something?"

John pushed Dominic away, lowering himself back to the mattress and into his fort of pillows and blankets. "It'll come back up."

Justin paused outside of the room, listening to the two younger boys inside. He peeked around the doorframe, gasping slightly when he saw the all too familiar upside-down cross scars on John's lower back. Those same scars were on the inside of his mother's bicep, the mark of the Dead Cross Gang… the gang that his father had been part of. The mark of a victim... the mark that was meant to bring shame.


	337. Chapter 337

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Seven**

Justin knocked on Andy's door and waited for the athlete to answer. He looked at all the little drawings and stickers on his door, smiling at the photos of the original five in the club. He shook his head when he saw how John looked at Claire, like she was the moon and he was seeing her for the first time. He was pale and was so thin he looked like a bag of bones, he had circles under his eyes, a hospital bracelet around his wrist, a crooked smile on his lips and a good portion of his weight was being supported by Andy and Brian.

"That was right after we found him in the park." Andy smiled, taking a drink of his soda. "He ended up in the hospital after a busted rib punctured his lung, those circles under his eyes are actually from a busted nose." His smile fell when a harsh cough from John's room, remembering how John had coughed when he'd smoked for the first time after they'd gotten to LA.

Justin followed Andy into his bedroom, taking a seat in the Papasan chair as Andy pulled an old hoodie on. "Those scars on John's back… how did he get them?"

Andy froze, muscles tense. "Which ones?" He asked, knowing damn well that he was asking about the cross. It was the only one that Jacob hadn't touched when he'd kidnapped John and Phoebe and taken them to Mexico.

"The cross."

Andy swallowed, remembering not only the nightmares and flashbacks, but the cocaine relapse afterwards. "He was raped." He sat on his bed, swallowing as he thought of how well John had hidden the relapse from them. He'd told them, after he got out of rehab, that he'd been using for almost a month, and that cocaine hadn't been the only one. He'd kept to drugs that they wouldn't smell, which meant pills, snorting, or injecting them into his system. "It was a gang that Jacob started back in the '60s. And John ended up a victim… but that wasn't the worst part of it." He heaved a sigh. "He used to be a druggy when he lived with his parents… and after the rape… he relapsed."

Justin glanced over his shoulder, thinking back to what John had been babbling about after they'd picked him up from the police station. "What did he use?"

Andy shook his head. "Pot, coke, oxy, ketamine, he took a hit of heroine once, booze, cigarettes… but that's just the few that he told me. There could be more…"

"How is he alive?"

"God and a prayer." Andy whispered, not daring to mention the meth, but that was more to protect himself than John's dignity.

* * *

Thomas rushed into John's room, turning the light on as John's screams grew louder. "John! John, wake up!" He grabbed the teen's shoulders, pinning his arms to his sides and shaking him awake. He sighed in relief when John's eyes flew open, patting a hand on his chest. "Just a dream."

John struggled to catch his breath, trying to gather his wits. He raised his eyes to Thomas, launching forward and wrapping his arms around the man in the blink of an eye. "I'm sorry!" He cried, choking on his tears. "I didn't mean it!"

Thomas simply nodded, fully aware that he was still stuck in a few pieces of the dream and not really awake yet. "It's okay. I forgive you." He felt John tuck his arms between their bodies, letting him pull his legs up so that he was in the fetal position. "You're alright." He wiped a tear from John's early morning scruff, smiling slightly with the memory of holding Caleb and Claire when they were small. He hated that John's life had given him this burden to bear, but he secretly loved that he could be the protector he'd been almost eighteen years ago. "It's just a dream."

John's palm pressed over Thomas's heart, feeling the beat and his breath. He let it ground him, the feeling of safety, of comfort, of love, of a real father calming him until he drifted off to sleep again. "Thank… you…" He murmured; the words barely audible as Thomas laid him back against the pillows.

Thomas nodded, pulling the blankets up on John's chest and tucking it in around him. "You're welcome, Tiger." He smiled, ignoring the dark scab on John's nose as he pushed his hair out of his face. "Sleep well." It was more of a prayer than anything, but all the same he said it.


	338. Chapter 338

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Eight**

Claire curled up in her bay window, tucking her nose into the hoodie she'd swiped from John's closet as she turned the page of Allison's comic she'd finished. "Alli, this is really good!" She looked up at her friend, barely hearing the thunder outside. "How did you come up with it?"

Allison shrugged, moving her hands so that her new Hermit Crab could crawl from one to the other. "I don't know. I guess it started in detention." She let Mr. Crabcakes climb up her arm, smiling as the weird little invertebrate's legs tickled her skin. "You know, all the adventures we've had. I just kinda ran with it."

Claire stood stepping after Chance as she pulled on her sleeve. "You should publish it." She stopped at Brian's door, giving it a knock before Brian opened it. "Chance wanted me to come in here." She smiled, stepping inside to see John was playing around with Brian's Bearded Dragon while he sat on the desk that was usually covered in math homework and chemistry books.

John glanced up at her, smirking as the lizard scurried onto the top of his head. "Hey Sweets." He prayed that she wouldn't see the circles under his eyes, or the fact that he'd already dropped almost six pounds in the week that they'd been home.

She shook her head, glancing between their two friends. "Who wants to go to the ice cream hut?" She asked, testing John's appetite. He never turned down ice cream, but sometimes he would turn a little green if he wasn't sleeping right or was having cravings. He didn't turn green if he was getting drugs, but he would lose weight even when he appeared to be eating.

John fought back a wave of nausea, painting a smile on his face before he put Boots back in his terrarium. "Sounds good." He followed them to Allison's room to drop Mr. Crabcakes at his habitat before they took off.

* * *

Claire leaned over in the backseat and whispered in Allison's ear. "He's sick." She nodded toward John as he, Brian, and Andy cranked up the radio to their favorite song.

Allison nodded, watching all three of the boys as they sang along to the radio in horribly out of tune voices. "I know." She bit her lip as John started to head-bang, knowing that he was only acting like he was fine. "I also know about what he was planning… in detention…"

Claire turned to her friend; eyes wide with realization. "He told you?"

"No. I overheard you guys talking the other day." She shrugged. "I guess being invisible can come in handy sometimes."

Andy parked the Bronco outside of the ice cream hut. "Come one, losers." He grinned, laughing as John tripped Brian on the way in before he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back to his feet. "You're seriously letting the Burner get one up on you?"

John smirked, proud to be a burner and their leader. "Yeah, Brian, I thought you'd be smarter than that." He froze as the green eyes of Jessica raked over him. "Fuck…"

* * *

Justin laughed as he watched Amelia, and Phoebe play in the pool. He picked up his soda, relaxing into his seat just as his pager went off. He lifted the little screen to where he could read it, growling when he saw that it was his work. "Damnit." He stood, stepping into the house as he waved Amelia and Phoebe out of the pool. "I gotta call my work real quick! Go find something else to do."

The girls nodded, starting a game of tag with squeals and giggles.

 **Hey guys! So Mr. Crabcakes is indeed a real crab. He's my new pet hermit crab who I rescued this evening and I thought I would put him in here.**


	339. Chapter 339

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Thirty-Nine**

Jessica crossed her arms over her chest, shifting her weight to one foot. "So, you're back from Florida?" She sneered, looking John over to see that the circles under his eyes had returned. He'd dropped weight, his usually caramel colored skin was now the color of pale brandy, his hair had lost its shine, and he obviously hadn't shaved for at least a few days.

Claire shoved herself between Jessica and her man, her lip curling. "Go away, Jess." She snapped, letting John place a hand on her shoulder.

Jessica stepped forward, yelping when Claire gave her a hard shove into a booth. "You bitch!"

"Leave us alone." Claire growled, turning back to John before Jessica could respond. She touched his cheek, biting her lip when she saw the shock, pride, and attraction in his eyes. John's eyes shifted above her head, and Claire turned, landing a hard punch to Jessica's nose. "Back the fuck off!" She ordered, ignoring the way her stomach turned at the sight of blood rushing from the other girl's nose.

Jessica wiped the blood under her nose, smearing it over her face. She screamed as Claire faked toward her, scurrying out of the Ice Cream Hut like a mouse in the path of a cat.

John gave a classic burner smirk, wrapping one hand around Claire's waist and pulling her into the strongest kiss he could manage at the time. "You're so fucking hot." He whispered, tangling his fingers in her fiery hair.

Andy chuckled, punching Brian on the shoulder. "Alpha called to alpha." He grinned, ignoring the urge to kiss Allison since he knew she didn't like kissing in public like John and Claire did.

* * *

Justin scribbled in a blue notebook, listening as Steve rambled on about some kind of new idea he had. "Steve, you're nuts. A computer could never fit in your pocket." He rolled his eyes as Steve babbled on about what he would call this device. "A Smart Phone?" He laughed, shaking his head. "You're insane, man. No way can we stop work on the laptop right now, your 'smart phone' can come next." He nodded. "Uh huh… alright I'll see you at work tomorrow." He sighed as he hung up, rubbing his head as he flipped the book closed. "Ohh… shit…" He cursed when he saw that John's name was scribbled onto the back of the cover.

"Phoebe!" Amelia screamed as a loud splash echoed from the backyard. "Phoebe!"

Justin bolted to the backdoor, freezing when he saw Phoebe sinking to the bottom of the pool. "Shit!" He rushed down the steps of the deck, his heart stopping when John's thin form appeared at the gate.

"Mouse!" He pulled his shirt over his head, diving into the deep end without a second thought to the fact that he couldn't swim very well himself.

Justin could swear that the entire world was holding its breath. He waited for John and Phoebe to break the pool's surface and just as he was ready to dive in after them, John lifted Phoebe over the edge of the pool. "Phoebe!" He rushed forward, jumping back as John glared at him.

"You were supposed to be watching them!" He shouted, flipping some water from his hair as Phoebe started to cough up the water. He shoved Justin backwards, causing him to fall into the grass. "She could have died!"

Justin shrank back when he saw John's eyes go black, the pupils being swallowed by the irises. He flinched as John's hand wadded in his t-shirt and he raised the other as if to punch him. "John…"

Just as John's fist started to move toward Justin's face, he was pulled back by a hand around his hips. "Let me go!"

Andy pinned John under his own weight, praying that his strength would hold out longer than John's could. "John. Don't be Jacob." He grunted as John struggled underneath him.

"No!" John screamed, kicking and squirming as Andy held him.

Claire shoved Andy off of her man, able to hear the true fear in his voice. "Stop! He's having a flashback!" She jumped back as John writhed on the ground, forcing tears back as he started to twitch. "No…" She whispered, all to aware of what was happening. "Call Dad!" She ordered, taking John's head in her hands and clamping his jaw shut as the seizure took him.


	340. Chapter 340

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty**

Allison helped Brian get John inside, taking most of John's weight between them as his weakened body struggled to even draw breath. "John… are, are you using again?" She asked, terrified of the answer. He hadn't had a seizure in over ten months, so it was odd that he was having one now.

John coughed as they let him lay on the sofa in the living room. "No." He curled on his side, turning his back to them as shame overtook him.

Andy stepped into the room with a soaking wet Phoebe wrapped in a towel. "Justin feels awful." He stepped closer to the sofa, stopping when he saw that John had shut the entire world out. "He can't hear me, can he?"

Claire shook her head, popping a tape into the VCR player and covering John with a blanket. "No. The seizure took a lot out of him."

Justin hovered in the doorway, watching as the Breakfast Club turned down the lights and let the movie play. "How long has he had those?" He asked, jumping when a snore escaped John.

Claire brushed John's hair back from his face, noticing that the scab on his nose was starting to heal into a thin line of scar-tissue. "He hasn't had one in a long time… but he used to have at least one a day after he was drugged."

"Drugged?"

Allison nodded. "He went after Amelia when she was kidnapped from the carnival… and the people drugged him with meth so that they could get a ransom for her."

Brian swallowed, remembering the feeling of glass pressed to his throat. "He almost died…"

Andy offered a pillow to Claire, smiling as she tucked it under John's head and curled up next to him. "The peak was what did it… that's what killed him for two minutes. It's a miracle he's even alive now."

* * *

Clarissa burst through the door to the clubhouse, sprinting up to John's bedroom where she could hear him plucking at his guitar strings. "What happened?" She asked, taking his face in her hands and searching him for signs of physical harm. "What triggered it?"

John shook his head. "I'm just tired… I haven't slept very well lately." He swatted her hands away as she started to lift his t-shirt thinking of the newest tattoo he'd gotten when they were in Florida. "Stop."

She sighed, taking a seat on the bed and studying him with a mother's intent. She knew that he might take longer to break than most teens did, but she also knew, that John couldn't hide something from her when she watched him this way. Eventually, all children would come clean under their mother's gaze. "What triggered it?" She asked again, cocking an eyebrow at him.

He dropped his gaze, taking a deep breath before he spoke. "I turned into Jacob for a minute today… I almost decked my older brother…"

She nodded, reaching a hand toward him only to freeze when he jerked away from her. "Well, from what I understood, you were protecting Phoebe from what your mind saw as a threat to your family."

"Justin is my family."

She raised a hand, cutting him off. "But, your mind has several chemical imbalances. Meaning, that you tend to see things as a threat when they aren't." She pulled something out of her purse. "Look at this chart." She handed it to him, pointing to an image of drawn up test tubes with different colored liquids in them. "Now, this is what a healthy brain would have to control those things. But, your brain… is a little different, these chemicals that control your memories, happiness, and fears, are all out of sorts."

"So, I'm broken…" He slowly let himself lean into her side, unknowingly seeking out comfort in her touch.

She shook her head, kissing his hair as she held him. "No, you're not 'broken.' You're just a little different." She pointed to another set of test tubes. "And so am I. My brain isn't quite right either. My dopamine and serotonin levels are a little out of it too." She smiled as his eyes scanned over the charts, each word and image going into his mind like are into his lungs. "We're all a little weird."

He nodded, nestling into her as his body started to wind down. "Thanks." He whispered, letting her pull him close as his record player played the Beatles album that Carl had bought him.


	341. Chapter 341

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-One**

Clarissa smiled as John slept against her side, rubbing tiny circles on his waist where the bullet had grazed him in Mexico. She hummed a quiet song in her throat, chuckling as he buried himself deeper into the curve of her body.

Jim stopped at he doorway, shaking his head as he saw his friend's peaceful expression. "Did you see his new tattoo?" He asked, stepping inside.

Clarissa shook her head, looking over his arms for the new ink. "Where?"

"It's on his left side." He lifted John's t-shirt up, happy that he was sleeping so deep that he didn't wake up. "See?"

Clarissa ran her fingertips over the new mark, smiling when she saw that his side had an image of a wolf and an angel standing on a bridge over the brand that Jacob forced him to wear. She moved to the word that the bridge was formed of, her smile only widening with what the letters spelled. "Standish…" She whispered, pushing tears back. "He decided to wear our name."

* * *

Thomas watched John out of the corner of his eye, noticing how his leg bounced with anxiety. His fingers twitched on his knees, his lip was starting to bleed from his teeth biting at it, and the scab on his nose seemed to become darker with how pale he was. "John, relax. They're not going to make you see Ben again."

"It doesn't matter." He hissed, his dark eyes flitting over to where Kemp sat. "That snake could have me canned for hitting the son of a bitch with that pipe."

Thomas offered John a reassuring pat on the shoulder, stopping when he jumped away from the contact. "I'll handle it."

John jumped as the judge called him to the stand. "Fuck…" He hissed. He moved through the familiar ritual of being sworn in, glaring at Kemp as he began to pace before him.

"Mr. Bender, is this or is this not the first time you have invited Benjamin O'Hara to the act of homosexual relations?" Kemp asked, his lips curling in a sneer with the question backing John into a corner right off the bat.

"No." John stated. "I have never invited him to-"

"It's a yes or no question, Mr. Bender." Kemp placed his hand on the railing, leaning close enough for John to smell the liquor on his breath, and the sex on his clothes. "There's no need for farther explanation, unless you feel guilty."

John's eyes turned black, his temper near the edge since he hadn't had more than a few hours of sleep in more than five days, and even less food to keep his body strong. He could feel the way his hands and body shook, hear his demons screaming in the back of his skull. They begged him for a drug, booze, even simple sex, anything to make him forget. "Here's a yes or no question for you Kemp. Do you feel guilt when you sleep with your mistress? When you cheat on not only your wife, but your son as well? Or is it drowned out with the fireball whiskey you drank with lunch?"

Before anyone could intervene, Kemp's hand swiped over John's cheek with a loud _smack_ filling the room. "You bastard!" He cursed, his fingers wrapping around John's throat as he drew back for another punch. "You're the one on trial here!"

Guards grabbed Kemp's arms, and Clarissa rushed to John's side. She fussed over the red handprint on his cheek, her fingers soft against his skin. "Are you okay?"

"He's high! Test him! That kid's on meth! I know it!" Kemp screamed as cuffs were clamped on his wrists and he was shoved away from the room.

John nodded as Clarissa touched his neck and jaw, letting the adrenaline slowly fade out of his system. "I've felt worse." He sighed, only letting himself fully relax when Kemp's shouts and screams could no longer reach his ears.


	342. Chapter 342

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Two**

Claire snuggled up to John on their sofa, tucking her shoulder under his arm and resting her head against his chest. She could feel the weight he'd dropped, his bones jutted out at odd angles in his hips, occasionally digging into her ribs as she laid against him. "Senior Prom is this weekend…" She mumbled, placing her fingers under his chin and kissing his nose. "Do you wanna go? Or should we stay in and have a movie night?"

His eyes softened, his tender lips brushing over her head. "I will do whatever my princess desires, for her wish shall be my command."

She hummed a laugh, smiling as another episode of the Addams Family started to play. "You're a dork." She looked down at the wedding magazine in her lap, thinking about how in less than three weeks they would be Mr. and Mrs. Johnathan Kurtis Bender. "I'd rather stay home and save for our wedding." She flipped the page, running her fingers over the beautiful white lily center pieces.

John smiled, taking her hand gently in his. "I'm your dork." He whispered, running his fingers over her nails before he kissed each one. "I like those."

"Yeah?" She tilted her head to the side, tracing over the page. "I hoped you would."

Clarissa leaned against Thomas's chest, contently watching the teens as they exchanged ideas for the wedding. "They're perfect for each other." She smiled, turning to face her husband. "Do you realize, that John might have saved our marriage?"

He nodded, kissing her lips. "He showed us that nothing is impossible."

* * *

Dominic tiredly paced up and down the hallway of their newly finished house, bouncing Sage as her tummy upset her. He listened to Justin as he confided him, but still hardly heard a word he said. "Listen, Tech, I'm a eighteen-year-old father of four who is still trying to save for a fucking wedding and hold down a solid job while playing bass in a band. I'm running on empty at this point."

Justin nodded, taking Sage from his cousin and placing a hot water bottle on her belly. "This is an old trick my Mom used when she worked in the NICU. When a baby would get fussy, she'd put a warm water bottle on their belly to help the colic." He looked over to the recliner, only to see that Dominic was already sawing logs and a line of drool was making its way down his chin. He laughed, slowly standing before he placed a blanket over Dominic's lap and began to take care of Sage for him.

* * *

Allison sat in her bedroom, letting Mr. Crabcakes crawl across her bed as she thought about the odd behaviors John had been showing since they'd gotten back from Florida. She hated the idea of him using again, but she couldn't do anything to help unless she could explore his hiding spots. And God only knew how many he had around this place.

Andy yawned as he stepped inside, picking up the crab as he nearly fell off of the bed and placing him back in his habitat. "What's up?" He asked, taking a seat beside her and resting back against the pillows.

She shrugged, silent as usual. She rarely spoke and when she did, she always had something to say that would blow your mind; but right now, she didn't have anything to talk about.

Andy smiled, sweeping a few crumbs of Captain Crunch off of her bed. "John was just in my room. He wants me to be his best man, and Claire was wondering if you would be her maid of honor."

She nodded, her dark hair falling over her eyes. "Of course!" She snuggled up to his side, sighing in contentment as they both drifted off to sleep.


	343. Chapter 343

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Three**

Claire walked through the lines of wedding dresses; anxiety gathered in her chest as the fact that she was getting married in three weeks. Why was she so nervous while John seemed to be calm and collected about the whole thing?

"This one's nice." Clarissa smiled, pulling a silk and lace dress with a sweetheart neckline out.

Claire nodded, biting the little scab on her lip as she looked at how low the neckline was. "I'm not sure John would like it though." She ran her fingers along the flowery lace, thinking about how simple John was and how much she loved flare.

Mary chuckled, placing a diamond tiara on the bride-to-be's head. "Baby, this is your day to shine." She turned her to look in the mirror, brushing a lock of fiery hair behind her ear. "The honey-moon is for him to enjoy."

Claire let the moms dress her up and turn her into a wedding doll. Her heart jumped when she saw the finished product. The dress was perfect, showing off just enough cleavage to make her look like a real woman without leaving too much on display, the tiara sparkled like sparks above her red hair, the veil framed her face perfectly, and the silver locket around her neck tied in amazingly. "I love it." She whispered, twirling like a little girl.

Clarissa wiped her eyes, taking in the sight of her youngest child in a wedding dress. "You're beautiful." She cried.

* * *

Thomas flipped through the paper, freezing when he read the headline 'Wrong Side of the Tracks Lead Singer Meth Relapse?' "Shit…" He hissed, looking up as Carl appeared from the basement. "Kemp must've gone to the press." He showed him the paper, praying that John and the guys wouldn't be back for a while.

Carl cursed under his breath as he read the article. "You don't think he has relapsed, do you?"

Thomas shrugged, rubbing his temples as he thought of how many hiding spots John had and could have in the house. "I don't know…" He sighed, thinking of how thin John had become, the way his skin had lost color, and the dark circles under his eyes. "I want to believe he hasn't relapsed… but it's hard to say…"

"I haven't relapsed." John stated, moving to stand before the men. "I promise. I'm clean." His dark eyes landed on the paper, the article going into his head in bare seconds. "Who wrote this?"

"Barton." Thomas supplied, watching as John's eyes turned black as night. He knew that John was on edge, the lack of sleep, hunger, anxiety, flashbacks; it all added up, building behind a dam that was cracking with every passing day. "John-"

"Fuck off." John growled, starting for the backdoor and out to the garage.

Thomas hung his head, sighing as he heard the garage door slam shut. "Goddamn it…"

Carl nodded, stepping to the backdoor where he watched as John opened the big door and started moving stuff out so that he could have more room to use his heavy bag. "It's good that he's doing this." He turned back to Thomas, pouring a glass of water and handing it to the other man. "Maybe he'll beat the shit out of his demons and be able to sleep." He chuckled as Bianca stepped into the back-sitting room, gently kissing her lips as they took a seat across the room from Thomas. "How was the dress shopping?"

She smiled, pulling a polaroid out of her purse. "Take a look."


	344. Chapter 344

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Four**

John swung his leg into the heavy bag, heaving a breath and blowing sweat from his top lip. He slammed his fist into the bag, grunting at his elbow popped and his fingers started to tingle a little. He knew he hadn't hurt himself —not really— but a pulled muscle still hurt like hell.

Claire leaned against the doorframe, waiting in patient silence for him to come to her. She watched him for a while as the sweat rolled down his shoulders, she could see where he'd dropped weight, mostly around his hips and waist. She smiled as she noticed that the scars on his back were fading, changing from deep purple to pale lines along his valleys and ridges of muscle.

Sweat rolled down his body, his chest heaving with fatigue as he leaned forward onto the bag until he collapsed to his knees.

Claire stepped toward him, kneeling beside him. "Did you beat the shit out of the demons?" She smirked, wiping his brow with a cool cloth she'd brought from the house.

He rasped a sorry excuse for a laugh, leaning into her body as she combed her fingers through his hair. "It'll be a long time before those sons of bitches come back." He gave her a tired, lop-sided grin, kissing her neck. "Did you find the dress?" He asked, pushing himself to support his own weight as she moved to go inside.

"I'm not telling you. Mr. Bender."

He chuckled, stepping after her. "What if we hyphened our last names together? Claire and John Bender-Standish."

"Doesn't the man's name usually go last?" She asked, taking his hand and pulling the wraps off.

He nodded, cursing as his ankle rolled on one of the baseballs that someone had left outside. "I'd rather have your name as the last one though." He took her hand and let her pull him to his feet. "God, we've gotta stop leaving shit around like this."

She laughed, touching the newest tattoo on his side. "I like that idea." She smiled, trying to ignore the feeling of his ribs under his skin.

* * *

Allison tapped around the walls of John's bedroom, stopping when a hollow sound reached her ears. "Another one?" This had to be the sixteenth hiding spot she'd found. She pried it open, shining a light into the cubby and searching for anything he could be hiding from them.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She jumped as the voice spoke, banging her head on the top of the cubbyhole and letting out a cry of pain as she gripped the back of her head. "Ow…" She groaned, letting John's arms lift her onto the bed and examine the little cut on her scalp.

He sighed, picking up a bandana and pressing it to her head. "See what happens when you go poking around in my shit?"

"I wanted to make sure you weren't using again." She grumbled, wincing as he dabbed a cotton ball soaked with rubbing alcohol on the cut.

He gave a little smile, placing a map of his hideouts in front of her. "I promise, I'm not using again." He lifted her head up, propping her up against his headboard. "I'm just shaky because I haven't eaten or slept much."

She nodded, raising her brows at how many hidey-holes he had that she'd missed. "I'm glad you're still sober. You're like my brother, and you were the only one who ever saw me when we were in Shermer."

"No one should be invisible. Not even a little freak like you." He took a seat on the bed next to her, laughing as Chance leapt onto his lap.


	345. Chapter 345

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Five**

Vernon marched into the New York Times office, thankful that he'd gotten out of the house and onto the plane without John or any of the others noticing. "I'm looking for a reporter by the name of Howard Barton." He leaned on the receptionist counter, channeling a little bit of John as he spoke.

She nodded, pointing down the hall to where Barton's office was. "Second to the right." She smiled, watching as Vernon left her alone.

Vernon threw the door open, marching inside of Barton's office and taking a seat at his desk. "Why did you publish this?" He asked, placing the article before the reporter.

"Because that's my job. That band is a hot topic right now, and it'll bring me a lot of income." Barton took his glasses off, leaning forward. "My sources are reliable, and they told me themselves that Johnathan has been using, they reported to me, that he'd relapsed on meth and several other drugs."

"Were there drug tests for this?" Vernon snapped.

Barton tilted his head, realizing that he'd backed himself into a corner. "Well… no… but-"

"Come to LA and well see if John's been using."

* * *

Claire sprinted into John's bedroom, frantically shaking him awake as he screamed. "John! John, wake up!" She caught his wrists as he lashed out, holding them steady as he came out of the dream. "You're okay." She smiled, crawling into the bed with him and nestling into his side. She kissed his neck, her lips brushing over his jaw and into that hollow that always got him.

He moaned, moving closer to her, and letting his hips press against her own. "I love you…" He breathed, slowly moving himself against her as his hormones took over and let his instincts run his mind.

Claire smiled, letting him relax until he moved his hand too close to her breasts. "No." She corrected, smacking his hand away. "Not yet."

He bit his lip, annoyed that she'd let him get so far before she snatched the opportunity away. Part of him wanted to turn into Jacob, to take the pleasure he desired from her. But the other part knew to respect her boundaries. "You have got to stop doing that." He whispered, kissing her neck.

"It's only three more weeks. I think you'll be fine." She smiled, fighting off the moan of pleasure at his touch. "Besides, I don't think we want a shotgun wedding."

He breathed a laugh, nipping at her ear and throat. "I guess not… but how do we know that you'll get pregnant the first time?"

She shrugged. "Because, I'm not on the pill and you don't have a condom. And it's always a risk, even with both of those."

He shook his head, wrapping a hand around her hip and moving his lips down her shoulder. "I guess you're right." He sighed, continuing on his trail of kisses down her arm. "But I'm still horny as hell."

"I know. But maybe you can find something else to do."

"Like what?"

She tipped his head up, placing her thumb under his eye. "Maybe try and get some sleep." She giggled, tapping a finger on his nose and cuddling up to his chest.

* * *

Vernon stepped into the house; Barton close on his heels. "John!" He called, happy that he'd called them so that he wasn't springing this on John.

John appeared in the stairway, praying that the makeup Claire had applied under his eyes had hidden the circles. "How many tests do you want?" He asked, starting for the little room that they used as a sort of infirmary when one of them got scraped up —after all, with ten teenage boys in the house, someone was bound to get a cut or scrape here and there. "Piss test? Blood, hair, sperm, cheek swab?" He raised a brow as he turned to glare at Barton. "Stool sample?"

Barton paled at the mention of blood, swallowing as he saw John gather a few bits and pieces and lay them out of the table. "Which one would work best?" He asked.

John laughed, lifting a syringe and taking the cap over the needle off with his teeth. "Blood." He poked at his arm, lining the needle up and pushing it into his vein.

The color drained from Barton's face as red life filled the syringe in John's hand. "I'm gonna be sick…"

Vernon handed John a cotton ball, helping him fill the vial for the lab while he wrapped himself up to stop the extra bleeding. "How about a hair and urine sample? Just to be safe."

John nodded, pulling a few strands of hair out of his scalp and tucking them into a bag, before he grabbed a plastic cup and pulled his pants and boxers down. "Good thing I drank a lot of water this morning."

Barton tried to look away as John filled the cup, his face going red with embarrassment. He thought of his own length, ashamed of what he'd thought was a good size when he saw John's. "Y-you don't want to do that in the bathroom?" He asked, biting his lips as he heard John's zipper.

"Why?" John smirked, placing the cup in a plastic bag. "You've never seen a half Greek dick before?"

Vernon gave John a light smack of the back of the head, handing the tests off to Dominic to deliver them to the test center. "Stop being perverted." He ordered, pushing John into the sitting room to wait for his cousin to return. "Go find your fiancée and see if you can manage to not cause trouble."

John swiped at Vernon's arm, still on edge from the nightmare last night. "Get off." He growled, stepping out the door to the backyard.


	346. Chapter 346

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Six**

Barton watched as John stepped over to the little redhead swimming in the pool, noticing how his expression softened as he sat on the edge of the pool to speak to her. "The girl is his fiancée, right?"

Vernon nodded, chuckling when he saw Phoebe and Amelia sneaking up behind the teen. "Yep, they're getting married in three weeks."

John screamed as the girls pushed him into the pool, instantly clinging to Claire like a lifeline even though the water only came up to his hips at most. "You're both dead!" He shouted, climbing out of the water to chance them around the yard. "Get your little asses back here!"

Claire snorted a laugh, biting her lip as John slipped and happened to catch Phoebe's ankle while he went down. "Oh my God…" She muttered, shaking her head as John tickled Phoebe.

"Say it!" He ordered, pinning her legs under his thigh and holding her wrists with one hand. "Say it!"

"Mercy! Bender mercy!" She screamed, sighing in relief as he let her go. "You're an ass…" She groaned, yelping as he picked her up by the ankles and tossed her into the pool.

John smirked, sticking his tongue out at her only to reveal the silver barbell in his tongue. "Haha!"

Claire climbed out of the pool, grabbing his jaw and opening his mouth to see the piercing. "You did not do that…" She stated, shaking her head as he stuck his tongue out to show her. "Is that why you've been talking with a lisp all day?"

John smiled, drawing his tongue back into his mouth. "Maybe." He smiled, wincing as he caught the barbell on his tooth. "Fuck!" He placed a hand over his mouth. "I might need to eat soup for a few days."

She rolled her eyes, handing Phoebe a towel as she walked over to them. "You are an idiot."

* * *

Clarissa stepped over to the counter as John struggled to swallow a spoonful of chicken soup. "What did you do?" She asked, raising a brow at him.

He gave a little smirk, sticking his tongue out to show her. "It's hard to talk with it." He lifted his spoon to his lips, tilting his head to the side as he swallowed.

"That's what you get." She placed the test results on the counter, pulling one out that had the words 'hair sample' on it. "Can you explain this for me?" She asked, pointing to the result that showed alcohol had been in his system a few weeks ago.

He dropped his head, trying to ignore the look she was giving him. "I didn't mean to. My drink was spiked at the last concert." He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force his shame back. "I'd already swallowed it before I realized what it was."

Clarissa watched him for a moment, taking the soup from him and placing a little bottle of mouthwash on the counter. "Wash your mouth." She ordered, kissing his head and looking into his eyes. "I'm not mad, Pumpkin. I believe you. And your other tests were perfectly clean." She smiled, patting his cheek with a soft hand. "But we are going to talk about that hole in your tongue later."

He nodded, pouring the mouthwash into his mouth and swishing it around. He watched the clock tick, counting the two minutes until he could spit it out. "Yes Ma'am."


	347. Chapter 347

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Seven**

Phoebe woke with a start as she heard John's motorcycle start, squinting at her clock to see that it was only three AM. "Where is he going?" She yawned, crawling out of her bed to watch the red taillight of the Harley speeding down the street.

* * *

John smiled as he lifted his face to the soft breeze of the country wind. He'd ridden more than a hundred miles from home, but he knew that it'd been worth it. He took a seat on the porch of the little farm house, lifting his gaze to the realtor. "How much do they want for this place?" He asked, already able to see a little swing set in the yard, a playhouse, birdbath, dogs and kids, he could almost see his entire family before he and Claire had even said their vows.

The woman smiled, looking down at the special request the homeowners had given her when they'd discovered that John was going to be looking at the property. "They told me that they would take seven-grand, if you would sign a few pieces of merchandise and give them tickets to the next concert."

He nodded, knowing better than to take it without having the home looked at. "I'll offer them five-grand, tickets for the family and a signed album with backstage passes."

"I'll let them know."

He sighed as he looked over the fields beyond the fence, noticing the old barn a few hundred yards out. "Thanks."

* * *

Clarissa grabbed John's arms as he dismounted his Harley, attempting to stop her shaking as she looked into his dark eyes. "Where the hell have you been?" She asked, pushing some of his hair back and examining him for wounds or injuries of any sort. "Are you hurt?"

He rolled his eyes, taking his jacket off to show her that he was fine. "I'm fine Mom. I just had to run an errand."

"That took all day?"

He shrugged, smirking as she fussed. "It was a long one." He stepped into the house. "Besides, you'll be happy if it works." He thought of all the houses they could fit on that property… enough to keep the whole family together.

"Johnathan Kurtis!" She marched up the stairs after him, yelping when he shut the bathroom door on her. "John! Tell me where you were!" She heard the shower turn on, shoving the door open only to see that his clothes were in a pile on the floor and he was already behind the curtain. "We're not finished with this conversation Kurtis."

"Mom! I'll tell you when I get out of the shower. I just need to wash up a little." He poked his head around the curtain. "I promise, you'll be happy if the deal goes through."

"I swear, if you did something stupid…"

"I didn't."

* * *

Claire leaned into John's chest, listening as he spoke to the New York Times.

"No. I want a retraction on those accusations of me being on drugs." He huffed a breath as they tried to talk their way out of what he was asking. "Yes, I _used_ to do drugs when I was younger, but I've been sober for nine months."

She traced her fingernail over the pale scarring on his pecs, tenderly kissing the side of his pec only to make him tremor with pleasure.

"Yes! Just put it in the next article that you had faulty information and that I'm sober." He struggled to keep his voice steady, the sensation of Claire's mouth on his body causing testosterone to fill his system. "Thank you." He hung up the line, turning to Claire and pushing her into the mattress under his own weight. "You're so annoying sometimes." He kissed her neck, slowly moving lower to her shoulder and nipping at her bra strap.

"I know." She smiled, letting his teeth pull at her tank top and eventually at the very top of her bra cup.

He smirked, slipping his tongue out of his mouth to let the barbell in it roll over her skin. "I'll bet you're gonna love this thing when it heals up." He whispered, tracking back up to her throat and kissing her neck.

"We are not doing oral." She stated, trying not to moan as his lips brushed over her jaw. "I'm not comfortable with it."

He hummed a reply, aching to push his tongue into her mouth. He hated that the healing prosses took so long, but it would be worth it someday. "Okay…" He gasped, tracking the barbell over the hollow behind her ear.

"Stop it." She laughed, pulling away only to see that his tongue was tinted red from where the piercing had started to bleed. "You idiot." She pushed his tongue back into his mouth with her fingertip. "That feels weird."

He nodded, tucking his arms underneath her back and holding her close. "You feel so nice though."

"Go to sleep." She yawned, kissing his nose as she snuggled into him. "And stop being an idiot."

"Stop being so fucking hot." He smiled, tucking his blankets around her.


	348. Chapter 348

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Eight**

Justin adjusted his tie, as he waited for the ceremony to start. The last three weeks had been insane, between Claire losing her mind about the wedding needing to be perfect and John running off to mysterious places every morning, combined with the quads teething, and Steve going insane about every new tech idea in his head, his head was about ready to explode. "Where's Clarissa?" He asked, taking a flask from his breast pocket and tipping it to his lips.

Thomas wiped his bandanna over his brow, attempting to calm his nerves as he tried to avoid the thought of what John and Claire would be partaking in that night. "I think she's helping Claire get ready."

* * *

John lifted his chin as he tied the tie around his neck, swallowing as he tightened it all the way to his throat. He tugged at his cufflinks, pushing the long hair of his bangs back before he opened a tin of pomade and slicked it back. He'd cut his hair the day before, and even gotten a close barbershop shave that morning. "Just about ready-" He sighed as the door opened, stopping as Jessica's hand clamped over his mouth.

"Marry me John." She breathed against his neck, pulling at the tie and unbuttoning the collar of his tux.

* * *

Claire wrung her hands as she paced around her dressing room, her mouth dry as she thought about how she and John were taking the biggest step of their lives. She thought of all John's flaws, his explosive temper, his restlessness, the many ways he scared the living shit out of her. But she also thought of his good traits, the way he did everything in his power to be a real man, to respect her, to treat her like a queen.

She heaved a breath, pinning her hair back as someone knocked on her door. "Just a minute." She called, screaming when someone pushed her against the mirror.

"You're mine now." A voice growled in her ear, and she felt a man's hand lift her dress.

"No!" She cried as Timothy forced her to her knees.

He unzipped his fly, whipping his penis out and forcing two fingers into Claire's mouth. "Suck it." He ordered, a devil-like grin playing over his lips. "Or little Johnny won't live to your honeymoon."

Claire gagged as he forced his fingers deeper, fighting back tears as he played with himself until he was hard.

* * *

John pushed Jessica away from him, his hand landing on the little bottle of pepper spray Clarissa had given him a few months ago. "Back off." He ordered, jumping as Jade burst through his door.

"Get away from him you bitch!" She screamed, grabbing her cousin's hair and shoving her outside. "If I ever see you again, I will put you behind bars just like our dads." She slammed the door, turning to John and helping him fix his hair and clothes. "She's such a bitch." She growled, smoothing a hand over her own homemade wedding dress. "Thanks again for letting us double up on our weddings."

He nodded, pinning a stitch on her dress together before he sewed it back up. "Thank you for kicking her ass." He smirked, noticing that she had something in her hand. "Who're the socks for?"

She handed them to him, laughing as his brow furrowed. "In case you get cold feet."

"Please, the only way I'll get cold feet is if I stand in ice for a month." He thought for a moment, a small smiled gracing his lips. "I can't wait for my princess to be my queen."

* * *

Timothy sneered as he gripped a lock of Claire's red hair, drawing her closer to himself. He wrapped a hand around her throat as she fought, ripping her dress and bending down to force a kiss on her.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Dominic barked, grabbing Timothy's shoulders and shoving him into the wall. "You're lucky I don't cut your dick of and shove it down your throat." He landed a hard punch on the boy's jaw. "You've got five seconds to get your ass out of here before I change my mind." He picked up a pair of scissors. "One… two…" He grinned as Timothy bolted for the exit, in too much of a hurry to zip himself up.

Claire stood, swaying slightly until Dominic caught her. "Thank you…" She gasped, closing her eyes when she saw the rip in her dress.

Dominic nodded, letting her sit in a chair as he pulled out a sewing kit and a strip of silk. "I'll fix it for you." He handed her a tissue, letting her fix her makeup as he stitched the dress back together. "Hey, you're okay. This doesn't affect your wedding, it doesn't affect your trip to Italy, and it doesn't affect your lives." He gave her a brotherly kiss on the cheek, standing and picking up her eyeliner.

She closed her eyes, sighing in relief as he did her makeup and fixed her hair. "You're right. We have to leave the past behind us."

He chuckled, fixing the tiara and veil on her hair. "Exactly." He smiled, placing the locket around her neck and opening it to show her the knew pictures he'd put in it. "Always look ahead, and only glace behind."

She bit her lip as she ran her fingers over the pictures, looking at the photo of her parents at their wedding and the paper that said 'Bender-Standish here' on it. "I love it."


	349. Chapter 349

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Forty-Nine**

"Wow…" John breathed as Claire stepped toward him down the aisle, the sight of her in that white dress causing his lungs to freeze and his heart to race.

Andy nodded, taking the ring pillow from Flynn's hands as Julia held him out to the teen. "Thank you, young sir." He smiled.

Claire took John's hand in hers, a soft smile on her lips as she looked into those deep eyes.

"You look beautiful…" He whispered, stepping up to the minister.

* * *

Andy tapped his fork against a Champaign flute that was filled with apple juice. "I guess, that I should make a toast…" He rose to his feet, swallowing as his nerves started to get the better of him. "I don't really remember the actual first time I met John… but I do remember when the Breakfast Club started." He met the young couple's eyes. "My first impression of John that day was that I might kill him before detention's over. But… as the day went by, we learned more about each other than we ever thought we could… imagine, if you will, an Athlete and a Criminal, stuck in one small room for eight hours. Two boys for two different social circles. One, who lived life in physical pain, and the other in mental pain from peer pressure. But now I see that it was all part of the plan. Without John, we never would have met Dominic and Jade, or most of the rest of the family." He raised his glass. "Congratulations! To John and Claire Bender-Standish!"

John and Claire linked their arms, and took a drink of their soda's. John cleared his throat, taking a stand. "I guess I should make a toast to my cousins, Dominic and Jade Bender." He motioned to the other couple at the table. "Dominic saved my sorry behind a lot when we were kids, and without him none of us would be here today. Without Jade Dom and I would probably still be trying to drive each other crazy. So, here's to Dominic and Jade Bender! May your lives be long and happy!"

* * *

Claire kissed her mother and father goodbye as they prepared to board the plane, squeezing their hands as John lifted their bags onto his shoulders. "We'll write you when we get there." She smiled, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"Have a wonderful wedding night." Clarissa whispered, kissing her head as a sweet goodbye. "And remember, it's okay if you don't do the deed right away…"

John chuckled, kissing his wife's neck. "She'll let me know." He smiled.

Thomas nodded, patting John's shoulder. "Have fun."

* * *

Claire rested her head on John's shoulder as the sun set behind them. She could hear his breath, feel his calloused hands on her arms. "I love you, Hubby." She whispered, kissing his jaw.

He hummed a reply, the meds that Ryan had given him to keep him partly sedated during the flight still strong in his bloodstream. "Love you more, Sweets."


	350. Chapter 350

**Chapter Three-Hundred and Fifty**

Claire sighed in relief as they opened their hotel room, collapsing onto the bed as John set their bags down. "I can't believe we're actually on our honeymoon." She smiled, watching as John opened the window to look out over the city of Rome.

"Me either." He breathed the fresh air, smiling as he turned to see that Claire's hair was mussed from travel. "You're beautiful."

She moaned a reply, rolling over slightly to look at him. "I'm too tired right now, Sugar."

He nodded, laying down in the bed beside her and wrapping his arms around her. "I wasn't asking for sex. I was just telling you how beautiful you are." He kissed her neck, closing his eyes as the sun began to rise on the first day of the rest of their lives.

 **Hey guys! I know this one was short. But don't worry! I'll be right back to write the third installment of this! I'll mostly be short stories, but who knows! It might end up as more!**


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